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midnight city

The midnight air is cold as it hits Taehyung in the face. It sends shivers down his spine and makes goosebumps appear all over his body – but the good kind of goosebumps, the ones where one would shudder because of how nice of a feeling it is. It has been a while since Taehyung last felt that way, it has actually been years.

He takes a look at the dark sky as he drags his suitcase out of the large doors of the crowded airport. It’s crazy, it’s so late at night and still there’s hundreds of people coming out of these doors, all having the same destination – Tokyo.

Flying all the way to Tokyo is what Taehyung sees as the last and most important step of his self discovery journey. The previous steps carried all the hardships and pain, it’s now time to let go of it and embrace who he really is.

Deep inside he always knew. He just decided to ignore all the signs when he was just a kid. When his mother told him that only boys could play with cars and lego city, when she said that short hair was something that only suits boys and when she forced him into a dress every Sunday for church.

It’s not that he didn’t know. Of course he knew. The only reason he never fought back was that he saw the way his parents would look at gay couples on TV and how they talked to him about Jesus. Not to mention the fact that both of them believe in old fashioned gender roles, which is one of the reasons he grew up wearing pink dresses and long hair till the age of 18.

He didn’t even come out to his parents back then. He just left for college, being happy about the fact that he didn’t have to live in that household anymore. Everything after that led up to this exact moment.

Sitting on the bathroom floor in his dorm room with his best friend Jimin and crying happy tears as the older one put the electric razor to his head and the first strands of hair fell onto the cold tiles. Coming out to his loving aunt and her supporting him in every way, even going as far as lending him money for hormone therapy. Getting his first shot of testosterone with Jimin sitting right beside him, holding his hand. Watching his voice get deeper, his shoulders become broader and his facial features become sharper and less feminine. Putting on his first binder and jumping up and down, crying more happy tears.

But nothing compares to the moment of when he legally changed his name. His dead name being long forgotten after 18 years of being called someone who he couldn’t identify with. Taehyung never felt happier than when he finally held his new ID in his hands, seeing his name, seeing the gender and his picture. Nothing compares to how he felt that day.

Except for when he graduated from college and his aunt handed him over a big envelope. Confusion turning into shock and turning into pure and absolute happiness as he opened it and saw the amount of money that was written down on that paper, a cheque to be exact. A cheque with just the amount he needed for step six of his “becoming me” list – top surgery.

It took a while though. Finding a specialist, preparing for the procedure and so much more. He wanted to settle down first, move to Seoul and find a job, maybe adopt a cat or two. It took him a year to build up the courage to actually go out and speak to a doctor, but he eventually did. He had the surgery, spent weeks in pain but luckily without any complications.

He booked the trip to Tokyo the day before the surgery. To him it was and still is important to go somewhere where nobody knows him, where nobody knows his backstory and, well, what he has in his pants. He just wanted to be in his favorite city on his own, to feel free and to finally feel complete.

Oh god, how long has he waited to feel this way?

And as he’s enjoying the cold wind grazing his cheeks in this exact moment, as he’s seeing all the colorful lights, blurred by his teary eyes – he almost feels complete.

It’s actually a comfortable feeling. It’s like falling backwards onto your bed after a long day of work and closing your eyes to just listen to the sounds, coming from outside of the window. It’s really nice.

“Sumimasen?” Taehyung says as he approaches a nearby passenger. His Japanese is a little bit rusty but he studied a bit before going on this trip. He asks the nice woman for directions to the nearest train station with his little knowledge of the foreign language but manages just well enough to understand her answer and actually find his way to the train station and finally to his hotel.

He went for a cheap one this time, knowing he wouldn’t be spending much time in the hotel room anyway. It’s much more important for him to explore parts of the city he’s never seen before.

It’s 2am when he lies down on the hard mattress in his small room and lets out a long, content sigh. It doesn’t matter to him that he’s in probably one of the cheapest hotels he could have chosen, he’s just happy that he finally made it.

Fortunately, he doesn’t experience any jet lag since he’s still in the same time zone so he can fall asleep peacefully, his head full of positive thoughts.

When he wakes up the next day it’s midday already. Apparently, he was exhausted enough to sleep 12 hours without waking up to go to the bathroom. At least he’s going to stay in Tokyo for two weeks, that way he doesn’t have to worry about wasting his time. He only has a few specific places in mind that he wants to visit. Everything else is up to spontaneous bus rides and midnight walks.

Taehyung gets out of bed and takes a long shower before putting on comfortable wide legged pants and an oversized shirt, both in the same beige color range. He then starts packing his backpack with essential things he’d need while being out and takes one last look into the mirror in front of his bed, checking if he’s passing.

Stop it. He tells himself. You’re a man and you look like one.

Even after all he’s been through, the hormone therapy, the surgeries, his body dysphoria still won’t leave him alone. Of course, with the way he looks now after top surgery, he’s way more confident and comfortable in his body but every time he removes his clothes, there will be scars as a reminder that he hasn’t always been like this.

Looking at his naked body in general triggers something inside of him that he will never recover from. All the self-hatred and the depressing thoughts he had experienced ever since he discovered his gender identity. All these emotions are still buried deep inside of him, even if he doesn’t show it, it still hurts sometimes.

But it’s moments like these, where he’s looking at himself and he sees how sharp his jawline has gotten, the way all the baby fat that used to make him look more feminine has vanished. How he’s seeing himself being the most masculine he’s ever looked. It gives him confidence and hope for what’s still to come.

Taehyung smiles at his reflection before turning around to leave his hotel room.

*****

It’s cold as he enters the bus. Raindrops trailing down the windows, the pleasant sound of the wind thrumming against the thick glass of the surprisingly empty bus. Taehyung sits down in the front, taking a window seat to watch the city while driving.

Today’s destination is the Asukayama Park, a quite popular spot for cherry blossom trees – something that Japan is famous for. And how can Taehyung not fall for those beautiful leaves falling down in April and making everything look magical?

He has to take a bus to the nearest railway station where he then has to hop on a train that’s gonna take him near the park. It sounds like a hassle for someone who isn’t used to public transportation but seeming that Taehyung has lived in a big city for years now, it doesn’t bother him anymore. Especially since he’s now in a city he doesn’t know and basically every little thing he’s experiencing is new to him. Even if it’s just buying a train ticket at the station or deciding what flavor of mochi he’s going to get from one of those cute vending machines while he’s waiting for his train to arrive.

(He goes for matcha, as always.)

He’s looking at a map of Tokyo, sitting in the crowded train and munching on his last mochi. As he tilts his phone, he notes that he will have to get off the train in a little under twenty minutes, which is just fine for him. He doesn’t even notice the crying baby opposite of him since he’s wearing headphones and listening to his Tokyo playlist on Spotify. Yes, he made a playlist just for this trip, that’s mandatory. Imagine listening to one of your favorite songs and being remembered of a trip you had years ago, getting all that nostalgia. Doesn’t that just sound nice?

The minutes pass, people get on and off at different stations while Taehyung waits for the train to stop at Ōji Station. But it doesn’t. He takes a quick look at his phone, it’s already 3.40pm. He should have been out of the train ten minutes ago.

“Shit,” He curses, gaining the attention from the girl next to him. She gives him a confused look and asks him what’s wrong. God, Taehyung is so glad he took a few Japanese lessons before travelling here.

“Have we passed Ōji Station already?” He asks carefully, hoping he hasn’t made any grammatical mistakes. The girl’s eyes widen and she shakes her head, pointing at his phone in question. He hands it to her, the train app still open on the screen.

“This train is going into the other direction.” She points out and shows him on the phone. “It drives all the way to Hamamatsuchō Station.”

Damn, of course he would fuck up completely.

“So, we’re going south?”

“Yes, we’re going south.”

Ah fuck. “Okay… arigato gozaimasu.” Taehyung bows to the nice girl and takes back his phone to google Hamamatsuchō. He finds out there’s a park nearby the station, maybe he can just chill out there for a while. He wanted to explore new places anyway, so why not. There’s also a 7 Eleven two streets away. So there’s nothing to worry about, he can always find a train back to his hotel after getting something to eat.

It’s only a few minutes past 4pm when the train arrives at its last stop and Taehyung and all the other passengers have to get off. He steps on the concrete floor and takes a look around to see the crowded station, people running around, kids screaming. Ah, big cities. Beautiful.

He quickly hurries through the mass of people to get out of the station and look around the area of the city. It doesn’t take him long to spot the park so that’s where he’s headed first.

Sitting down on a bench, he takes out his camera to take some pictures. He notices a group of young men around his age, yelling loudly and drinking what seems to be japanese beer. Taehyung laughs to himself, wishing that he could go out drinking with his friends again when he’s back in Seoul. This is the only downside of traveling alone. He has no one to go out with, no one to go to a bar or a club with.

But Taehyung wanted it to be this way, it’s alright. He needed to go here alone.

“Raise a toast for Seokjinnie and Namjoonie!” One of the men yells in Korean, making Taehyung’s head jerk up to look at the group. They’re too far away to really make out their faces but he can see that there’s five of them, raising their bottles and laughing loudly. Maybe they travelled all the way to Tokyo to celebrate something.

Taehyung takes a quick picture of them, smiling at his camera.

He stays at the park for a while until he notices his phone battery being at only 13%. Luckily, he took his charger with him and there’s a 7 Eleven just around the corner. It doesn’t take him long to get there. He buys himself a pack of ramen and a bottle of water and sits down at one of the tables that are close to a wall where he can charge his phone.

He eats his ramen in silence, watching the people walk past the store and taking a few pictures every now and then when a particular passenger catches his attention. After finishing his food, he sees that the sun has started to set and he looks at his phone to check the time. It’s almost 6pm already. How did the time go by so quickly?

Maybe it would be a good idea to find a train that brings him back to the part of town where his hotel is. He doesn’t want to be wandering around the city all night since he’s quite exhausted already.

But today just doesn’t seem to be his lucky day.

No more trains driving to your wanted destination today.

“Eh?” Taehyung gawks at his phone, not believing what he’s reading. How is he supposed to get back to his hotel then? He’s not prepared to stay out all night on his own in the middle of a city he’s only been to once in his whole life, not to mention the fact that the part of the city he’s at right now, he hasn’t ever been to before.

Great.

Taehyung decides not to panic. His phone is at 78% now. He can make it through the night like that, he just has to try not to use it that much. And he’s still in that 7 Eleven, he can buy more food and maybe a toothbrush and toothpaste. That seems too far-fetched, right? Yeah, maybe it does.

He finds himself in the ramen aisle once again, looking at a bag of ramen that includes self-heating packages. Sounds alright. He takes a pork flavored one and then decides to buy himself a bottle of wine just for fun. If he’s going to be stuck at this place for the night then he should at least be able to enjoy it, right?

After paying, he walks around the city again, but this time taking in all the things he didn’t notice before. Music coming from different buildings, becoming louder as he’s walking down certain alleyways. The buildings seem to be getting smaller as he arrives at an area of the city that makes him laugh. There’s especially one sign that catches his attention.

Shibuya gay bar.

He’s not going to go inside though. His trip isn’t for one night stands nor is it for falling in love with a stranger he will never see again when he’s back in Seoul.

He decides to keep walking when he suddenly sees it.

There’s a fire escape right on that building. The rooftop doesn’t seem to be that high up, considering the fact that Tokyo is a city known for its high skyscrapers. Maybe if no one’s looking, Taehyung could try climbing up there.

It’s getting darker already, all the bars and clubs are turning on their neon signs on the outside and the sun in setting in the sky, making the clouds look like pink cotton candy swimming in a sea with orange colored waves. Taehyung can’t imagine how beautiful this must look from the top of that building.

He takes a look at his surroundings before running over to the building to examine the fire escape and how tall the building really is. And surprisingly, it’s not that high. Probably still high enough for Taehyung’s fear of heights to get triggered but that doesn’t matter right now. He came to Tokyo to overcome his fears and to become more comfortable with himself, so why not?

“Also, the view.” He whispers to himself. “Do it for the view.”

His eyes wander over the passengers walking past him. No police officers in sight and no one seems to be watching him either. He takes it as his chance.

He tightens the straps of his bag and starts climbing up the steep stairs, trying not to look downwards. It doesn’t take him long to arrive at the very top, not with the speed he was climbing to get over it as fast as possible. And it was worth it.

The things he can see from here, the skyscrapers, the cars and other vehicles, the people and not to mention the pretty clouds, decorating the sky in such beautiful ways. It looks so surreal, like a painting, watercolors washing together, creating so many colors you swear you’ve never seen before but they’re there. They’re right there in the sky and they look so mesmerizing, so unreal.

As it’s getting darker and darker, stars start appearing between those purple clouds. Mixed with the colorful lights of the city everything sparkles and looks right out of a movie. It’s an unbelievable view to look at.

Taehyung lets out a content sigh and sits down at the edge of the rooftop, taking out the bottle of wine and the ramen and placing both right next to him. He also grabs his camera, ready to capture what he’s seeing right in front of him. He doesn’t want to use his phone to listen to music right now, wanting to save battery, but he can just hear a Joji song playing in his head.

He starts humming as he klicks the shutter of the camera, taking a picture of the sky that’s now almost a dark mixture of blue and purple.

It’s when he turns around to take another picture that he notices that he has company. He lets out a shriek.

“My my,” The boy in front of him chuckles, the Japanese words rolling off his tongue like honey. “Am I not worthy of a picture?”

Taehyung is still clutching his heart, surprised he hasn’t fallen down the edge after getting scared like that. “Sumimasen,” He says politely. “I just didn’t think someone else would be up here.”

“Me neither, may I?” The boy points to the spot next to him in question and Taehyung nods. He doesn’t mind a little company. Maybe it’s going to be nice not to be all alone out here.

“I didn’t want to intrude though.” The stranger says as he notices that Taehyung stopped taking pictures to look at the sky. “Please do tell me if I’m intruding.”

Taehyung laughs at that. “You can’t intrude. I don’t even live here.”

“Oh, so it’s okay if I stay here?” The boy seems rather shy, it’s cute. Taehyung gives him a smile and nods, now being able to take a closer look at him.

The most noticeable feature is his round nose. Not in a bad way though, it’s cute. His side profile is extremely eye catching, the way his lips curl, the way he scrunches up his nose. His hair is tied up in a little ponytail, a few black strands falling out on the sides. Taehyung would say he looks more like a K-Pop Idol than some random boy wandering around in Japan.

“I’m J-Jeongguk by the way.” The boy stutters out, making Taehyung hide a giggle behind his hand.

“Good evening, Jeongguk-San. My name is Taehyung.” He bows to the stranger and reaches out for his camera once again, holding it up to his eye to take another picture. Now that it’s getting closer to 7pm the sky is changing colors in a matter of just a few minutes. He wants to capture as many moments as possible.

“Are you Korean?” He suddenly hears in his mother tongue and looks at Jeongguk who’s giving him a slight smile.

“What gave it away?” Taehyung says, also in Korean. “Are my Japanese skills that bad?”

“No, no! Your name doesn’t sound Japanese.” He explains. “And you’re wearing a wristband that says “Pride Seoul” so I just guessed.”

Taehyung nods, looking down to his wrist and clutching the rainbow colored band that he got at Pride last summer. He just hopes Jeongguk isn’t homophobic. But he wouldn’t have pointed it out if he was, right?

He’s starting to feel hungry again, so he unzips his little bag and takes out the big ramen package and opens the foil halfway. He prepares the water bath and the heating package, then the noodles and the broth. When he’s done he places his ramen beside him, waiting for it to do its magic.

When he moves to look up at the sky again, he notices the boy staring at him.

“Everything alright?” He asks, feeling just a little uncomfortable under the gaze of the boy who’s not only extremely good looking but also seems to be incredibly sweet.

“I’m sorry!” The boy quickly says and averts his gaze. “I just, where did you get that ramen? I’ve never seen one that heats itself! That’s so cool.”

“I bought this at a 7 Eleven. I only ever saw these on the internet so I wanted to try them but I never found them in Korea…” Taehyung trails off, reaching inside his bag to take out a pair of wooden chopsticks he got at the same store. “We could try it together if you want? I don’t mind.”

“That’s too nice of you, I can’t just-”

“No, it’s fine, c’mon.”

Taehyung checks on the ramen notices sees the broth bubbling up as if it was on a stove. It already smells just like a normal pack of ramen he would prepare at home.

The package is hot in his hands but he’s quick enough to place it between him and Jeongguk without burning himself. It must only take a few more minutes to be ready to eat.

That’s when Taehyung decides now is the best time to open his bottle of wine, so he reaches out to unscrew the cap and takes a big sip.

“You want some?” He asks the boy, carefully, not wanting to sound weird after just meeting him five minutes ago. But surprisingly, Jeongguk nods and takes the bottle in his hands. He drinks only a bit, probably not wanting to waste Taehyung’s money.

“Wait,” Taehyung suddenly exclaims. “Are you old enough to drink? Oh my god, what if I just gave alcohol to a minor?”

“Do I look that young?” Jeongguk giggles. “I’m 22. I can drink, thank you very much. Also, I have two bottles of Soju in my bag that I bought earlier with my friends.”

Taehyung blushes. “You really do look young…” He brings the bottle up to his lips again, taking a big gulp this time. It’s quiet between the two of them for a while before the boy suddenly whips his head into Taehyung’s direction.

“Taehyung-ssi, can I ask you something?”

“Drop the formalities, seriously.” Taehyung laughs. “We’re two strangers in a foreign city, drinking wine on a rooftop and watching the sunset. I didn’t think I would meet any Koreans here so please, just call me hyung. I would feel way more comfortable.”

“You’re older than me? Not fair.” Jeongguk pouts for a second but shakes his head and looks at Taehyung with wide eyes. “So, can I ask you something, hyung?”

Taehyung nods at that.

“Are you here alone?”

“What? You’re planning on kidnapping me?”

The boy’s eyes seem to get even bigger, how that’s even possible – Taehyung has no idea.

“No! I’m just curious. I’m here with my Hyungs to celebrate their engagement! So, I’m just asking myself what brings you here on your own.”

Taehyung gives Jeongguk a fond smile and lifts the bottle of wine to his lips again. “I just needed some time alone.” He takes a sip, cringing at the bitter taste. “Uni was hard, life was, no, is even harder. I just needed a break, I guess.”

“Oh, what did you study, if I may ask?”

“I studied to become an elementary school teacher, but I’m taking a year off at the moment, just to settle down in my new apartment and everything. I currently work in a small café in Seoul but next year I’m probably gonna be an English and Korean teacher.” Taehyung says, already excited for his future. He worked so hard to get to this point so he’s really proud of himself.

“That must be so nice, you seem to really want this job.”

“Yeah. Something about teaching children and giving them advice and being there for them just, I don’t know, it makes me feel so excited.” Taehyung murmurs. “I had so many bad experiences with teachers. I always wished to have at least one teacher who would be there for me and help me get through hard times. So I decided to become one.”

“You’re really sweet, Taehyung hyung.” Jeongguk turns a little so that he’s facing Taehyung now, the hot ramen and the bottle of wine still between them. “I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, to be honest. Been working at the same gas station for two years now.” He lets out a sigh. “And before that I went to Uni and studied physics but I hated it and bailed.”

Taehyung’s heart aches for the younger boy. He knows exactly how he feels, Taehyung has been there before so many times.

“Do you not have any interests or hobbies that you would like to turn into a job later on?” He asks him, curious. At the same time he takes a look at the ramen, completely ripping off the foil this time.

“I like singing.” Jeongguk whispers in a dreamy tone. “I just don’t think I would make it far. I wanted to become an idol for a while but I’m scared the whole thing might be too much for me, you know? The whole industry and the training, the scandals. I kind of pity idols a lot for what they have to give up in order to pursue their dreams.”

Taehyung gives the younger a nod, feeling sad about what he had just said. It’s the truth though, there’s no hiding that. Idols go through a lot. Taehyung just recently watched a compilation on Twitter of girl group members fainting on stage, it’s scary.

“You’ll find something someday.” He says reassuringly. “It took me a while too. Don’t be scared that you’re wasting your youth. You’re here, in Japan, with some random dude who’s on top of a gay bar, drinking wine and looking at the sky. Cherish these moments.”

Taehyung can see Jeongguk giving him a content smile before he turns down to stir the ramen with his chopsticks. It basically looks ready by now. He hands Jeongguk the chopsticks and smiles at him. “You go first.”

“No, please.” Jeongguk starts shaking his head and waving his arms in a crossing manner at the same time. It’s adorable. “You’re older than me, go ahead.”

Taehyung chuckles but decides to just go with it and dives into the boiling hot noodle soup, blowing at the noodles he caught with the chopsticks. “Jalmukesumneda.” He mumbles before finally bringing the food to his mouth.

Jeongguk isn’t looking at him anymore, probably trying not to be rude. Which is nice, of course. Taehyung doesn’t like being watched while eating. He can see the younger boy rummage through his bag and pulling out the two soju bottles he was talking about earlier. “I must admit, I don’t like soju.” He giggles. “But I do like being tipsy, especially with random strangers in Tokyo.”

“Ah, really?” Taehyung grins, shoving the ramen into Jeongguk’s direction and handing him the chopsticks in exchange of a bottle. “Let’s raise a toast then.” He quickly shakes the bottle, watching the liquid swirl inside like a tornado and then unscrews the cap and holds the bottle out to clink it with the other ones.

“To… to…” The black-haired boy starts. “To the gay bar downstairs! Let’s hope those people are having fun.”

Taehyung lets out a loud laugh and takes a few gulps, feeling like puking after tasting the bitterness that’s now left on his tongue. “This shit never starts feeling tasty.” He says to Jeongguk, who’s now eating some of the ramen. It’s kind of adorable how some of the broth is staining his cheeks. He really looks like a kid right now, with his eyes glowing, reflecting those pretty Tokyo lights and the pout that’s adorning his pink lips.

“You wanna get out of here?” Taehyung suddenly asks. “Or are your friends waiting for you?”

Jeongguk shakes his head, gulping down another bite of noodles. “I told my Hyungs I wanted to explore the city and I’d be meeting up with them at the hotel either tonight or at some point tomorrow. They’re in this bar, by the way.” He says, pointing downwards.

“I thought you said you’re celebrating an engagement?” Taehyung chuckles, already packing up a bit.

“Yes! Namjoonie hyung and Seokjinnie hyung are getting married next year. Me and my other two friends planned this whole trip for them. Today’s our third night here and we made them go to that bar. Tomorrow we’re either resting or going to another gay club.”

Taehyung smiles to himself, closing his bag and then looking up at the boy. At least he doesn’t have to worry anymore about him being homophobic, seeming as his guy friends are getting married and he’s supportive.

“You’re a great friend, Jeonggukkie.” He says. “It’s nice to have someone’s support like that.”

“Ah,” Jeongguk blushes a little, hiding his face behind the ramen package. “I’m pretty sure I can top both of my hyungs’ gayness. Of course I’m supportive.”

Taehyung softly pulls the plastic bowl out of the other’s hand and drinks some of the broth. “Bet I can top that?” He finally dares to say, now not feeling scared of a homophobic reaction anymore. The younger came out to him with no hesitation, it feels very comforting and natural for him to just do the same.

“Prove it.”

“I’m wearing lingerie right now.”

“That must be uncomfortable.”

“Not when you buy it in the right size.”

“Anything else?”

“What, you want details about how many men I’ve slept with?” Taehyung laughs. “Actually, one, but that doesn’t matter. I did a full on drag makeup last year and went to pride like that.” And felt extremely dysphoric for 8 hours straight, he thinks but doesn’t say it out loud.

“I’ve never done drag.” Jeongguk pouts. “You could help me put on makeup someday?”

“Does that mean what I think you mean?”

“Be a bit more specific, please.”

“You want to meet up again?” Taehyung asks carefully now, hoping he understood the younger right.

“Of course! It’s not every day you meet a fellow gay Korean on a trip in Tokyo.”

That feels really nice to hear.

Taehyung takes another sip of the broth and then hands the plastic bowl back to Jeongguk, leaving the remaining ramen for the younger boy.

“I was kind of scared of being all alone out here.” Taehyung admits. “I mean, I went on this trip alone for a reason, yet I kind of regret it, I guess. I’m only here for a day and I already got lost. I think this would have been easier if I had a friend with me.”

Jeongguk looks at Taehyung for a while until he sighs and stands up, holding a hand out for the other. “If you’ve got your reason to be alone out here then that’s how it should be. And if you hadn’t got lost, then we wouldn’t have met, right?” He grins, his front teeth showing between those pink lips, making him look even more like a bunny. “You took the wrong train and ended up with this handsome guy right here, who’s about to show you some really nice places in Tokyo. Isn’t that a jackpot?”

Taehyung lets out a laugh and reaches out for the younger’s hand to stand up. They start collecting the trash they made before moving to leave. But Jeongguk isn’t walking towards the ladder, he’s running straight to the edge of the building.

“What are you doing?” Taehyung quickly exclaims, running after him in fear.

“Watch me!” Jeongguk suddenly jumps to the next building and lands on the roof like it’s nothing. He then waves for Taehyung to join him.

Taehyung hesitates for a second before letting out a loud sigh. This trip is all about overcoming fears. He can do it.

He starts running as fast as he can, approaching the huge gap between the two buildings until he’s close enough to jump – and he closes his eyes as he lands on the floor right next to the younger boy who starts laughing at him.

“Are you alright?” He asks, helping him stand up. “You shouldn’t have closed your eyes, man. That was kinda really dangerous.”

“I like it though,” Taehyung whispers, noticing Jeongguk’s hands wrapped around his wrists. “The adrenaline rush, I mean.”

“Didn’t take you for an adrenaline junkie.” The younger lets go of him and starts walking again. Taehyung follows him. “You seem very soft.”

Taehyung scoffs at that. “I’m not soft.”

“What are you then?”

“I have no answer to that question.”

Jeongguk giggles, shaking his head but doesn’t say anything, only walking till he’s at the edge of the second building. He approaches a ladder and starts climbing down. Taehyung follows him.

The two of them are back in the city, only this time it feels like they’re at a completely different area than before, even though it’s only block away from the bar where they met. The streets are filled with food stands and there’s people dancing and singing, just enjoying their time.

Just across the street you can see street dancers moving to Jpop songs, crowds of young girls standing around them and blushing. Loud music comes from every corner and thousands of different smells surround Taehyung, making him feel all dizzy. But not in a bad way. He feels excited, butterflies making his stomach tingle all over.

“This is amazing.” He says to Jeongguk, who’s reaching for his arm and pulling him with him.

“It is, isn’t it?” Jeongguk whispers dreamily. “I come here every few months. My father moved here five years ago after my parents divorced. Tokyo became my second home.”

“That explains your good Japanese…” Taehyung murmurs, letting the younger drag him towards a food stand. Taehyung’s pockets hurt just by looking at the amount of food that’s being presented.

“I’m going to buy something for you, hyung!” Jeongguk reaches for his wallet with a little jump of excitement. “I hope you’re not a vegetarian.”

Taehyung looks at the younger in awe as he orders the food, the Japanese just naturally flowing past his lips. As someone who only speaks a few sentences, Taehyung wouldn’t be able to tell Jeongguk apart from a native Japanese.

He turns around, handing Taehyung a small paper plate with the food as he pays, bowing to the old man behind the stand and saying a quick “arigato” before taking his own plate.

“You didn’t have to buy me food.” Taehyung says, touched by the younger as they walk further down the street. He examines the little balls and pokes one with the toothpicks that came with the food. “What’s this anyway?”

Jeongguk, who’s already munching on the food and clearly enjoying it, turns around with wide eyes. “You’ve never had this before?” He exclaims, shocked by the other boy. “Oh, I’m happy to pay for your food. At least you will finally get to taste some good Takoyaki!”

“Takoyaki?” Taehyung tries, hoping he pronounced the words right. “I heard of it before! I just never got to try it… thank you, Jeonggukkie.” He takes a bite of the fried balls and immediately remembers the taste. “Oh, it’s octopus.”

“Delicious, right?”

“Yes, it is. In Korea we have so much spicy food and I’m extremely sensitive to spice… I like that most Japanese stuff isn’t that spicy but still tastes good.”

“Wait till you try my favorite sesame ramen!” Jeongguk says. “Actually, there was a 7 Eleven around the corner, right? They should have it! Let’s go.”

“You should be really careful with all the money you’re spending, Jeonggukkie. This is already way too much for me to accept.”

Jeongguk smiles. “It’s alright. Money isn’t a big problem for me. I’m just here to have a great time.” He finishes his Takoyaki and throws the paper plate along with the toothpicks into a bin and then leans back against a wall, waiting for Taehyung to finish his food.

It doesn’t take Taehyung too long until his plate is empty and he can get rid of it. He also takes the trash out of his bag that he and Jeongguk made on the rooftop. His mouth feels dry, so he rummages through his bag in search for the bottle of wine. After taking a big gulp and letting Jeongguk have a sip too, he puts everything back and closes his bag with the zipper.

“Let’s go.”

They approach the 7 Eleven that Taehyung has been in just a few hours ago, just that this time there’s a different cashier and less customers. As they enter the shop, Jeongguk walks straight ahead, already knowing where to go. He stops right in front of a big shelf and starts looking for a specific ramen flavor.

“What does the package look like?” Taehyung asks. “It’s with sesame, right?”

Jeongguk nods. “It’s a red package. Demae ramen. Fucking delicious, makes my mouth water just thinking about it.”

Taehyung giggles at the younger cursing and starts searching himself. He’s just about to tell Jeongguk that he doesn’t think they sell it here, when the younger boy suddenly grabs a package from the top of the shelf and lets out an excited laugh. “Got it!”

He reaches for yet another package and then walks further into the store. “I’m buying us some good food for later! We can try this stuff when we get hungry again.”

Taehyung smiles at that. Jeongguk really wants to spend more time with him. For some reason there’s a warm sensation in his chest, something comforting that comes from the presence of the younger and knowing that he’s not intending on leaving Taehyung alone all night.

“It’s late though.” Taehyung says, walking after him. “Where should we heat the ramen?”

“7 Eleven is open 24 hours. We can just come back later or find a different one, depending on where we end up tonight.”

The two of them keep walking through the whole store, Jeongguk asking every now and then if Taehyung has ever tried a specific snack or drink and whenever he says no, Jeongguk just dumps a new item into the basket that Taehyung fortunately got when they entered the store.

“You’ve never had onigiri before?!” Jeongguk whisper shouts.

Taehyung scratches his neck, blushing a bit. “Only the ones they sell in Korea… the one with the Samyang fire noodle sauce, you know? They were obviously too spicy for me-”

He’s interrupted by Jeongguk putting two big rice balls into the basket. “Jeongguk, I think this is enough food to last a week. We can always come back, you know.”

Jeongguk scoffs. “How long are you staying in Tokyo?”

“Two weeks.”

“That’s alright. You just gotta text me the address of your hotel later tonight and we can meet up again this week.” The younger starts rambling, approaching the checkout and helping Taehyung place the food on the counter. “I know this amazing sushi place that sells super rare puffer fish sushi. That shit is poisonous but if the chef makes it correctly then you won’t die from it!”

Taehyung just listens to the boy talking about his favorite kinds of sushi as the cashier helps them put all the food into a plastic bag.

It wasn’t quite apparent before but right now Taehyung can hear a very slight lisp whenever Jeongguk tries to pronounce specific words. It’s kind of really cute. You can see how his nose scrunches up every now and then.

“Oh, and also a pack of Marlboro Golds.” Jeongguk suddenly says. He reaches for a lighter and also puts it on the counter as the cashier reaches for the shelf with cigarettes.

“That will be ¥4.000.” The cashier says.

Jeongguk hands the man four ¥1.000 bills and then bows to him as he takes the bags and gestures for Taehyung to exit the store.

The first thing he does as they’re outside is gently place the bags on a bench and takes out the cigarettes and the lighter.

“You smoke?” Taehyung asks, already knowing the smell of the smoke will bring back memories of his freshman year of college. Those were nasty times.

“No,” Jeongguk says, cigarette between his lips. “But I always wanted to try.” He moves the lighter to the end of the cigarette and lights it up, inhaling a bit too much and letting out a loud cough.

Taehyung laughs. “Try not to inhale too much if you’ve never smoked before. Your lungs will get used to that shit soon.”

Jeongguk tries again, this time there’s no loud coughing but actually a satisfied sigh. “My father smokes Marlboro Golds.” He says. “I wanted to try for such a long time but I guess I was too scared that someone I know would catch me.

“Smoking isn’t good for you.”

Jeongguk eyes him, letting his hand with the cig between his fingers fall down next to his hips. “Are you gonna lecture me about this? I thought we wanted to just not give a shit tonight.”

“I know.” Taehyung mumbles. “I used to smoke at parties when I just started going to college. I liked it a lot, not gonna lie. Helped me through exams and stuff but later on I got diagnosed with asthma which wasn’t so convenient, considering the surgery-” He stops immediately, noticing that he just told Jeongguk about it.

It’s okay. He tries to reassure himself. You only mentioned the word surgery, not what kind it was.

Jeongguk seems to notice Taehyung’s sudden uncomfortableness and lets the cigarette fall down on the sidewalk. “Relax, you don’t have to tell me.” He says in a gentle tone and lightly stomps on the now wet butt.

“Can I have one?” Taehyung asks.

“You sure? Do you have an asthma inhaler with you or something?”

“It’s fine.” Taehyung whispers, reaching out for the lighter. “I rarely get attacks anymore. I won’t die on you.” He takes a long and deep drag of the now lit cigarette, feeling the smoke collect in his lungs and then breathes out. Smoke rushing past his lips and vanishing in the cold night air. “I’ve got an inhaler in my pocket, don’t worry.”

“I’m kind of regretting this now.” Jeongguk admits. “Don’t want to be the reason you start smoking again.”

“I won’t start again. I have multiple reasons not to. I just feel like this is good stress relief right now.” Taehyung says, gracefully twirling the little cancer stick between his fingers. “Life has been extremely stressful lately. This whole trip is gonna be just me relaxing and having fun. After this life has to go on like before.”

“You don’t want to go back to Seoul?” Jeongguk asks, genuine curiosity in his eyes as he tilts his head.

“I don’t want to go back to pretending that everything is okay just so that everyone around me stops worrying. I want to know people who don’t see the old version of me, the person I used to be when they had just met me. I want them to see me as me, you know what I’m saying? That’s why I’m so glad I met you tonight. You know nothing about my past, you don’t know anything that has happened to me, you can’t judge me for anything before this trip. You have no idea how good that feels.”

Jeongguk is silent for a while, obviously thinking about something. He then grabs Taehyung’s wrist and starts dragging him with him. He’s not saying anything, just walking down the street.

“I’m glad we met too.” Jeongguk suddenly says, still walking, unfinished Soju bottle in his hands. Taehyung didn’t even notice Jeongguk taking it out of his bag. “We’ve only known each other for two hours but it doesn’t matter. I’m happy I can help you out, show you my favorite places in this city. My hyungs weren’t interested in me showing them Tokyo. They only want to party.”

They keep walking through the city. All the colorful lights are slowly disappearing behind them, making the sky become brighter in their eyes, the stars and the moon shining down on them.

“I can help you in the morning too, if you want.” Jeongguk makes a turn and Taehyung follows. Almost no bright lights to be seen anymore, only a few dim streetlamps in the streets, scattered around a huge park. “Help you get on the right train. The station is just a few minutes away from here.”

“Thank you, Ggukkie.” Taehyung bows down to the younger and gives him a soft smile. They stop at a traffic light, waiting for it to turn green so that they can reach the park. “This is more than just generous of you. I have no idea how to pay you back for all of this.”

“You don’t have to?” Jeongguk says, confused. “I’m so happy to do all of this! I don’t need you to pay me back for something I want to do.”

“I’d feel bad about it though.” Taehyung admits. The light switches to green and they walk towards the scenery in front of them. Only a few people are in the park, either adults doing late night walks or teenagers drinking on the grass with their friends.

“Are you from Seoul?” Jeongguk asks. “You’ve got an accent, just a bit.”

“I do? I’m actually from Daegu. But I guess I adapted a bit of the dialect there. Been living there for so long now.”

“So, you currently live there?”

“Yes… I do. Why are you so curious?” Taehyung asks but smiling at the younger, showing that he doesn’t mind the questions.

“I just thought that maybe after this trip we could meet again?” Jeongguk admits, gaze directed to the floor. “I live in Seoul when I’m not in Tokyo. I mean, I’m from Busan and my mother lives there but I moved to Seoul for University back then and just never left. Anyways, what I was trying to say is that we could maybe go out sometime. You can show me Seoul in return of me showing you Tokyo? I mean, I live in Seoul too, I just never leave my apartment because I usually play games all day and when I do leave, it’s only to get takeout from the Korean BBQ place across the street and-”

“You ramble so much, Jeonggukkie.” Taehyung interrupts him, giggling behind his hands. “Don’t worry, it’s cute. And I’d love showing you around Seoul. I actually know some really relaxing places.”

Jeongguk seems to relax. “T-That’s nice. Thank you.” He whispers, smiling. “My hyungs always say I ramble a lot. I can’t help it.”

“As I said, it’s alright. You kind of look like an excited kid when you talk. It’s adorable.”

They were just about to sit down on the grass, right in front of a big lake when Jeongguk stops in his tracks and crosses his arms. “I’m not adorable, hyung.” He says, pouting. He quickly realizes what he’s doing and tries to look mad.

(It makes him look even cuter, but Taehyung doesn’t say that.)

“Sure, bunny face.” Taehyung says and sits down, placing his bag right next to him. He gestures for Jeongguk to join him on the grass. “You’re big and scary, I get it.”

“Rude.” Jeongguk murmurs but complies and finds a seat next to Taehyung.

They’re quiet for a while, just listening to the water flow in the lake and ducks swimming and splashing in the water.

Taehyung feels relaxed and calm. His usual anxiety about accidentally outing himself is long gone. Whenever he leaves his little apartment in Seoul, he gets scared that he doesn’t pass as cis, that people still see him as female. He fears the judging looks of people when he tells them about his gender identity, the pain of being remembered that he wasn’t born like this, that he hasn’t always looked like this.

But right now, in this very moment with Jeongguk right next to him he feels valid. His company makes Taehyung feel so at ease that he just forgets why he even went on this trip. All that matters to him right now is that he’s not alone in this big city and the most important thing – that he’s with Jeongguk.

Taehyung smiles at his thoughts and leans down to grab his phone and turns on a playlist with soft songs, making the atmosphere bloom even more. Jeongguk gestures for Taehyung’s phone and takes it in his hands after receiving a nod from the older one. He seems to be typing in something on Spotify. When he’s done he lies down on his back, pulling Taehyung with him.

“The next song is my favorite.” Jeongguk whispers, not wanting to interrupt the sounds of the night. You can still hear the water flowing in the lake, you can hear the ducks splashing around and playing with each other. There are birds chirping all high up in the air, flying meters above them and the wind is rustling past them, messing up their hair and giving them shivers.

And then the song starts playing.

“Do you know M83?” Jeongguk asks, his eyes still cast to the sky, watching the stars hide behind clouds.

“I know one of their songs. It’s really good.” Taehyung answers. “Midnight City.”

“You’ll like this one then. It’s called Wait.”

Taehyung listens to the song. And he didn’t even think it was possible but he’s feeling even calmer than before, the song radiating such an overwhelmingly relaxing aura that it makes him feel save to close his eyes.

He doesn’t notice but a slight smile is gracing his lips as he’s nodding his head to the sounds of the music. He also doesn’t notice the way Jeongguk looks at said lips.

It’s only when the song is over and his phone goes back to playing the playlist that Taehyung made, that he opens his eyes again to catch the younger looking at him. Taehyung lets out a laugh, blushing. He’s just about to curse at him, when Jeongguk suddenly interrupts his thoughts.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

Taehyung hesitates for a second but then nods.

“You do like boys, right? Have you ever been in a relationship?”

“Um, what?” Taehyung says, giggling. “That’s a randomly weird question, Ggukkie.”

Jeongguk blushes, quickly shaking his head and making big gestures with his arms. “N-No! I didn’t mean to be weird. You obviously don’t have to answer that if you don’t feel comfortable! I just got curious-”

“And that’s okay.” Taehyung interrupts. “And no, I’ve never been in a relationship before. I dated a boy a while ago but he broke it off after I told him something about me that he didn’t like. I get it though, I accepted it really quick.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk whispers with wide eyes. “But if he liked you then he should have tried to accept you the way you are? I mean, if you told him you’re a murderer then I would understand but anything else just wouldn’t make any sense to me.”

Taehyung loves the fact that Jeongguk doesn’t ask. He loves it so, so much that the boy doesn’t want to know the reason. Jeongguk must sense that Taehyung doesn’t want to mention it and he just admires the boy even more for that.

“I promise I’m not a murderer but no, it’s alright. It was a long time ago. I’ve been over him for years.”

Jeongguk looks at Taehyung for a while, watching him with tender eyes. “So you’re single?”

Taehyung smiles. “Yes, I am.”

“T-That’s good to know. You still have that bottle of wine?”

Taehyung tries not to laugh at the younger’s struggle and retrieves the bottle from his bag to hand it to Jeongguk, who’s still trying to hide his blush.

“I haven’t felt drunk all night. And we’ve been drinking since we met.” Taehyung says, waiting for Jeongguk to take a sip, wanting to taste the wine himself.

“I was tipsy an hour ago.” Jeongguk chokes out, not liking the bitter taste on his tongue. “But we shouldn’t be going overboard anyway. The first trains are driving again in like 5 hours. I don’t trust myself when I’m drunk.”

“You don’t trust yourself?” Taehyung raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Taehyung has no idea what about his question makes Jeongguk blush once again but he doesn’t mind. Not at all. He actually thinks it’s quite adorable.

“I’m usually awkward around people.” Jeongguk answers. “Whenever I’m drunk I get really touchy and I talk way more than usually. You already noticed me ramble some weird stuff. It literally gets worse when I have some alcohol in my system.”

“That’s not a bad thing though.” Taehyung says, smiling at the younger. “I like listening to you talk. You sound so excited, no matter what we’re talking about. Makes me feel like I should change my perspectives, see life in a more positive way.”

“This actually makes me feel really happy.” Jeongguk whispers as he pulls his jacket closer, the wind slowly feeling harsher and colder against the skin. “Never thought the way I talk had a positive side about it. I always feel like I annoy people with my rambling. But thank you…”

“You certainly don’t annoy me.” Taehyung moves closer to the boy and hands him the bottle of wine again. “You’ve proven me that meeting random strangers in a foreign country doesn’t always have to be scary. I feel safe with you.” He opens the cap for him and waits for Jeongguk to take a sip. When the younger boy is done, Taehyung also drinks a few gulps, trying not to cringe at the taste. He never liked wine anyway.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. He just smiles at him. And god, does his smile say more than a thousand words. This boy is just so pure that it makes Taehyung feel bad for wasting his precious time. Jeongguk could have spent the night with his hyungs, he could have been drinking and partying with his friends, and yet he’s here, with Taehyung. But… is that a bad thing?

Not once has Jeongguk complained. Not only has he told Taehyung how happy he is to show him around, but also did he declare them as friends already, after knowing each other for only a few hours. Jeongguk wants to see him again, to meet him in Seoul and hang out at places he’s never been to.

This all still sounds like a dream to Taehyung.

“Are you tired?” Jeongguk suddenly says, reaching out to put a hand on Taehyung’s wrist. “You’re cold! We should find a warm place. Your jacket doesn’t look like it could keep you warm.”

“It’s fine.”

“No,” Jeongguk stands up, holding the bottle in his hands. “The train station isn’t that far away. We can stay there, maybe get some food out of a vending machine to warm up. I don’t want you catching a cold.”

Taehyung sighs but gives in, pulling himself up and reaching for his bag. “Fine.” He says. “But you have to carry me. My legs are frozen.” He jokes, stretching his legs and letting out a groan as his knee makes a silent cracking sound.

Jeongguk shrugs and crouches down for Taehyung to hop on his back.

“I was joking.”

“So? I don’t mind.”

Taehyung lets out a choked laugh but hesitates as he stumbles towards Jeongguk. “You have to let me down when I get too heavy though, alright?”

“Sure.”

Taehyung slowly moves to position himself on Jeongguk’s back. He just locked his arms around the younger’s neck when he’s suddenly being lifted up and he yelps. “Give a man a warning you dipshit!” He shrieks, clinging closer to Jeongguk’s body.

Jeongguk just laughs and starts walking. He stumbles on his first steps but catches himself in the right moment.

“Jeongguk.” Taehyung says sternly, moving to jump off his back.

“No,” Jeongguk mumbles. “I got this.”

As they make their way to the train station, Taehyung feels his eyes become heavier. He lets out a long yawn and then gently lays his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder. He’s fighting falling asleep, not wanting to bring even more weight onto the younger’s back but he eventually closes his eyes and drifts off.

He falls in and out of sleep for the next two hours.

The first time he wakes up, his head is resting on Jeongguk’s lap.

They’re sitting on a bench at the (much warmer) train station, the train tracks right in front of them. But even though they’re at a warmer place now, Taehyung still feels like it’s freezing. He really should have worn a thicker coat or a hoodie but at the beginning of the day he had no idea that this is where he’d end up. He decides not to think about it and cuddles closer to the boy, hands holding onto the other’s thigh.

So he falls back asleep, feeling a bit warmer now that he knows he’s safe in Jeongguk’s arms.

The next time he wakes up, Jeongguk isn’t there.

Taehyung panics for a second, jolting up and searching for the boy. All the worry leaves him though when he sees him buying a warm drink at a vending machine just a few meters next to the bench.

Taehyung decides to use this moment as a way to stare at the other without letting him know. Jeongguk’s balancing himself on his tippy toes as he looks at the options of the vending machine, not quite tall enough to see the top row. Taehyung can make out the younger scrunching up his nose and shaking his head, making him look even more like a little bunny.

Before he can turn around and catch Taehyung staring at him, Taehyung quickly closes his eyes, smiling to himself and waiting for sleep to engulf him again.

The last time he wakes up, the first trains are already driving past him. His head is resting on Jeongguk’s lap again, just like the first time. He doesn’t move to sit up, he just turns his face to look at the younger, who’s sipping at a canned coffee.

“Mhm,” Taehyung mumbles. “How late?” His eyes automatically close, the tiredness from before still there. This time he knows he can stay awake though.

“It’s 6am soon.” Jeongguk says, smiling down at Taehyung. He adjusts his position, hoping to make it more comfortable for him.

“I’ve been sleeping for that long?” Taehyung exclaims, suddenly wide awake. “No, we could have done so many more things if I didn’t fall asleep. I’m so sorry, Ggukkie.” He sits up, not wanting to disturb the younger anymore.

“It’s alright, you needed the sleep.” Jeongguk says. “We can spend this day too, if you don’t mind? I could bring you back to your hotel and then get changed at mine. I think my hyungs won’t mind another night without me.”

“No, I can’t do that.” Taehyung murmurs. “You’ve been so generous with me. You should enjoy your days here with your friends.”

“But you are my friend? I thought we established that.”

“You know that’s not what I mean…”

“And I don’t care.” Jeongguk says, smiling. He stands up, holding a hand out for Taehyung to take. “Our train is coming soon. You might want to get something to drink before we leave. You’ve only had wine and soju all night. Gotta stay hydrated before the hangover kicks in.”

“I’m never hungover.” Taehyung yawns but gladly takes Jeongguk’s hand, letting him pull him up. “If I feel nauseous after drinking, I just throw up and then I’m fine.”

“Gross.”

They walk towards the nearest vending machine and look at all the options. Taehyung has never seen so many warm drinks in one vending machine before! He put a few coins into the slit and taps on the hot chocolate, eagerly waiting for the hot beverage.

(It doesn’t turn out to be yummy though. He only had a few sips before deciding this drink is an insult to the hot chocolate his aunt always makes.)

Taehyung throws the almost still full cup away and turns around to the younger to complain about the awful taste. But as he gazes at Jeongguk, he catches him staring at his lips, making both of them blush immediately and turn away.

“You got a little something –” Jeongguk reaches out with his right hand but stops mid air. “I mean, there’s some chocolate above your lip –” He sighs but then proceeds to carefully move closer to Taehyung, slightly touching the older’s soft skin with his pinky and swiping the remaining chocolate moustache away.

“Mhm, the little beard looked kinda good on you though.” He mumbles but starts smiling, the weird tension between them quickly fading away. “You got a little stubble already, I felt it. You should grow it out! You would look really handsome.”

“I do?” Taehyung’s fingers are touching his own face before he even notices. And shit, Jeongguk is right, there’s a slight stubble above his lip. He tries not to tear up, not wanting to overreact in front of Jeongguk and blowing his cover so he lets out a quiet but happy sigh and moves to carefully grace his chin. And holy crap, there’s also hair growing there! He really is finally growing facial hair!

When Taehyung just started hormones, the first thing that changed was his voice. As a trans guy he’s actually really lucky, his voice becoming extremely deep just a few months into hormone therapy, making him believe he’s really meant to be a guy.

There were many changes in the first few months. But one thing that he’s been waiting for since the first day, is the hair.

Taehyung always looked small. He might be tall in height, but his body type and his slim frame would always result in him looking more feminine. Even with the muscle growth and his shoulders becoming wider than before, he can’t help but feel dysphoric about his body. He still looks so much like a girl and he hates it.

His legs have always been the biggest indicator. Smooth skin, almost no hair and skinny. He tried gaining weight multiple times but just ended up hating the feminine curves he got as a result.

It took a few months into hormone therapy for his body hair to increase. It made Taehyung feel so much better about himself that he actually started wearing shorts in summer, showing off to Jimin and crying when looking at pictures that were taken of them. He stopped comparing himself to his best friend after that, knowing that from appearance he finally started passing as the guy he is.

There are only a few things that are still missing, you could say. To Taehyung, bottom surgery isn’t that important. He doesn’t feel too dysphoric about that part a lot, there’s not much to compare to, unless he’s watching porn. Of course, just because he doesn’t feel too bad about not having a dick, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want one. It’s just something he can wait for till he has the money and the courage to actually get the surgery done. It’s fine for now, he will see what the future will bring.

The only thing that he’s been waiting for since day one is the god damn facial hair. He doesn’t really want a beard that bad, he doesn’t think it would suit his face. But he just wants the feeling of knowing that he can grow it. He wants to be able to shave like a real man, he wants to look into the mirror and make silly faces with shaving foam and he wants to accidentally cut himself and put on cream just the way his dad always did.

So now that he can finally feel the little stubble adorning his face, after years of getting weekly testosterone shots and wearing testosterone patches, he finally feels closer to the gender he identifies as.  

“Are you alright?” Jeongguk says, ripping Taehyung out of his thoughts. He reaches out to hold Taehyung’s hand and gives him a reassuring smile. “You’re crying.”

Taehyung returns the smile, another tear escaping his eyes. He squeezes the other’s hand and nods. “I’m quite happy actually. Those are happy tears.”

“Happy tears? What for?” Jeongguk questions. “Because I said you would look handsome with a beard? Taehyungie, you already look handsome like this!”

Taehyung just gives the boy another nod, not feeling like this moment is right for telling the younger about his secret. He whispers a quiet “thank you” and gives his hand another strong squeeze.

Jeongguk opens his mouth, about to say something when his eyes suddenly widen. “That’s our train!” He exclaims in a happy voice. “C’mon!”

They’re still holding hands as they’re rushing through the open door and sitting down on the nearest seat. Taehyung is highly aware of the fact that Jeongguk hasn’t let go of his hand yet but he doesn’t mention it, liking the sensation way too much.

“Can’t believe we almost missed the train.” Jeongguk whispers, not wanting to disrupt the silence in their section, as Japan is known for good manners and respect. It’s usually very quiet in trains and subways, the only exceptions being crying babies and people who sneeze loudly. They’re lucky the train’s almost empty, only them and two other people around their age are sitting there.

“I wouldn’t mind.” Taehyung whispers back, gently resting his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder. “I like spending time with you.”

Jeongguk lets out a silent laugh, his body shaking slightly. “I told you we can spend more time today. This is not the last time we see each other.”

“You still haven’t asked me for my number yet.” Taehyung points out accusingly, making the younger laugh once again.

“How could I forget about that?”  Jeongguk takes out his phone, unlocking it and holding it out for Taehyung to take. “There’s something wrong with my phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.”

Taehyung cringes at that but still takes the phone and starts writing his phone number down. “You could have just asked normally. For that bad pick up line I will write down the number of Panda Express or something. I can’t believe you would say something embarrassing like that.” He jokes.

Jeongguk just gives him a warm smile. “You like it. You think I’m funny.”

“You’re okay.”

“Stop hurting my ego.”

“Okay, whatever, I think you’re extremely handsome and you look like a cute little bunny when you smile. And you have this little mole right under your lip that I’ve been wanting to boop since the second I met you because it looks so fucking adorable on you.” Taehyung suddenly lets out, catching the younger off guard. “That enough?”

Jeongguk hides his face behind his hands, smiling shyly. “Bit too much actually. Stop that or I’ll fall in love with you immediately.”

“You’re in love with me already, admit it.” Taehyung grins. “No one can resist this face.”

“Nah, you’re just too confident.”

“I smell lies.”

They both grin at each other but stay quiet, enjoying the moment they just had.

It doesn’t take long for the train to stop at the station they need to get off. They find the right bus to take just right after they left their stop and wait to be dropped off near Taehyung’s hotel, which isn’t that far away.

Taehyung takes this time to think about everything that went down in the last night, from the beautiful view he had of the city at night to the conversations he had with the younger in the grass, as the moon was shimmering on the lake.

He thinks about everything Jeongguk taught him about Japan and its food and culture, about the nice food he got to try and the parts of the city he would have never seen if it wasn’t for the younger.

And he thinks about how pretty Jeongguk looked at night, the neon colors adorning his face, making his dark brown eyes sparkle and leaving a bright pink hue over his plump lips. The reminder just makes Taehyung feel even more drawn to him, wanting to kiss him just once, let it be as a thank you or out of attraction. He just wants to know how those lips would feel on his.

But as they’re standing at the small entrance of the hotel, Taehyung suddenly feels panic rise in his chest. Jeongguk and him are about to part ways.

He knew this night was coming to an end. He knew when the sun started to rise, when they stepped into the strain and Jeongguk finally asked him for his number. He knew that as beautiful as it was, it had to end. And even if it felt like they spent a whole week together, it only was 12 hours.

How could half a day feel like so much more? And how could a stranger make him feel that way?

“Taehyung?” Jeongguk says, standing close to him.

Taehyung looks up at him, not realizing that he’s pouting.

“I had a really great ti –” The younger starts but Taehyung interrupts him with “You wanna come upstairs with me? Eat ramen for breakfast and then sleep for a bit? I don’t want you travel all the way back without getting any sleep.”

Jeongguk smiles brightly, reaching out to hug him. “I was waiting for you to ask.” He engulfs him in a strong hug, wrapping his arms around Taehyung’s waist and holding him tight.

One thing that Taehyung can definitely conclude after today is that Jeongguk gives the warmest hugs ever.

The other thing is that he just really wants to kiss him.

“Let’s go then, shall we?”

It feels unreal to stand next to Jeongguk in that tiny elevator. The tension between them is hard to describe, a mixture between awkward and sexual. And Taehyung really has no idea where the sexual part comes from.

As they make their way into the small hotel room, Taehyung starts to feel extremely embarrassed at the state he left it in. It took him quite some time to find a good outfit for the day, so all the other clothes are splattered all over the floor and the bed, making it look like he’s been here more than just one single day.

“I’m so sorry. It’s a mess right now.” Taehyung says, rushing to pick everything up from the floor and throws it into his still open suitcase. “Didn’t get to clean up before leaving yesterday.”

“It’s alright. My room at home looks much worse.” Jeongguk says and sits down on the small couch in the corner, taking off his shoes and letting out a long sigh. “This is so comfortable.”

“Comfortable?” Taehyung laughs. “The bed is rock hard. You must have already gotten used to that bench at the train station.” He says and picks out two sweatpants and a big hoodie, holding one of the sweatpants towards the younger. “You wanna change? If I let you sleep here, I don’t want you wearing your dirty street clothes in my bed.”

“Rude.” Jeongguk says but gladly takes he sweatpants from Taehyung and stands up to undo his belt.

“I-I’m gonna turn around to change.” Taehyung stammers and turns to the window, hearing Jeongguk chuckle behind him. Taehyung usually is quick to change his clothes but now that he’s only wearing his underwear, he debates whether he should take his packer out right in front of Jeongguk or if he should leave it in. He’s kind of starting to regret that he used the packer in the first place. It gets quite uncomfortable after a while, especially with the kind of underwear he’s wearing today.

He sighs but decides that he can just take it out in the bathroom later and quickly puts on his sweatpants. As he turns around, Jeongguk is already sitting on his bed, looking at his phone to give Taehyung some privacy. He smiles at that.

“Do you have chopsticks?” Taehyung asks as he moves to turn the kettle on.

“I think I took some from that 7 Eleven. Let me check.”

A few minutes later they’re both sitting on the floor, backs against the bed with the steaming hot ramen packages in their hands. They’re both staring out of the big window, even though there’s not much to see. It’s a cheap hotel after all.

“Are you comfortable with me sleeping in the same bed as you?” Jeongguk suddenly asks after slurping down some of the noodles, the broth staining his pink lips. “I can sleep on the floor.”

“Who would I be if I let you sleep on the floor?” Taehyung exclaims, almost spilling the hot broth. “Physically it wouldn’t make much of a difference though, the floor feels more comfortable than the bed right now, but that’s not the point. Of course I want you to sleep in the same bed with me. We don’t have to cuddle if that makes you uncomfortable.”

“I wouldn’t mind cuddling...” Taehyung thinks he can hear Jeongguk mumble but decides not to comment on that and keeps eating the ramen. He never tasted this kind of ramen before but it’s nice.

“I don’t have a second toothbrush though.” Taehyung suddenly says. “I can only offer you toothpaste.”

“Or we could both just not brush our teeth so that we’re equally as dirty.”

They both give each other a look.

“Or we chew gum?” Jeongguk reaches for his bag, taking out a blue package of mint gum, looking at the other.

“Fair enough.”

So after they finish eating the ramen they start chewing gum, throwing the trash away in the meantime. Taehyung moves to turn on the lights and close the blinds, as the sun has already started to rise hours ago. They both spit their chewed gums into the trash can when they’re ready and lie down on the bed.

It’s awkward at first, neither of them is talking, only staring at each other and kind of fighting over who gets more of the blanket. At some point Jeongguk moves to lie on his back and looks up at the ceiling, smiling to himself.

“This is so weird.” He mumbles. “How am I only noticing how weird this is after hours of being with you?”

“What do you mean?” Taehyung asks curiously, also moving to lie on his back.

“You could be a murderer or some of that sort and you could have lured me into your hotel room after all this time. Maybe you just played nice and innocent to get me to come with you and now I’m here in your bed, thinking about how pretty you are and how badly I want to cuddle you tonight but you’re probably just holding onto a knife right now, waiting for me to fall asleep to stab me into the chest.” Jeongguk rambles, making Taehyung smile at the part where he says he’s pretty.

“Or,” Jeongguk continues. “Maybe you’re one of those horny killers. You’re probably gonna start having sex with me or something and then just choke me while we’re at it. Not that I mind, uh, that sounds wrong. It’s not what I meant, ugh, but like, please don’t kill me, I guess.”

Taehyung laughs, lying back on his left side to look at the younger. “You’re still cute when you ramble.” He says. “And no murdering tonight, I promise. I’m gonna be an elementary school teacher soon, need a good reputation for that.”

“Thank god.”

They both laugh, looking at each other again.

“You’re serious about the cuddling part?” Taehyung asks.

“Been thinking about that all night, to be honest.” Jeongguk says after giving him a shy nod. “Probably gonna ramble again right now but, uh, I don’t know. I just think it can’t be a coincidence that we both meet on a rooftop we’ve never been at and then just start feeling extremely comfortable with each other to the point we’re lying in the same bed together only half a day later.” He bites his lip for a second, thinking. “I honestly thought you were an idol or a model before you told me you studied education. I still think you’re too pretty to be a teacher but maybe one of your future student’s parents is a CEO or something that could get you into modeling.”

“Now you’re just ridiculous.” Taehyung says. “You seriously need some sleep.”

“I’m wide awake though.”

“I’m not as pretty as you keep saying. Wait till you see me after we wake up.”

“Probably won’t change how I see you right now, Taehyungie.” Jeongguk also lies on his side. They’re both staring into each other’s eyes, the weird tension from back in the elevator coming back.

Taehyung suddenly feels brave.

Probably way too brave for his liking but it doesn’t matter.

“Would you believe me if I told you, I’ve been thinking about kissing you this whole time?” He whispers, looking at Jeongguk’s lips again, just for a second, not wanting to stare for too long.

Jeongguk’s smile softens. “Would you believe me if I told you the same?”

Taehyung’s heart is racing. Not just because of the extremely romantic and cringey way Jeongguk just said that but also because the younger’s eyes are now lingering on his own lips, longer than Taehyung had just dared to do. Taehyung feels like his heart is gonna explode if he doesn’t do anything right now.

“Do it then.” He whispers, a pleading look in his eyes, feeling the pull between them. “Please.”

And after those words roll off his lips, Jeongguk slowly moves closer to him, their lips almost touching now. He lets out a huff, breath dancing over his lips before he finally kisses Taehyung.

Their lips press together softly. Jeongguk handles Taehyung carefully, almost as if he tries not to break him, as if he’s made out of porcelain. He reaches out with his left hand and cups Taehyung’s cheek, softly gracing the smooth skin with his thumb. The tingling sensation makes the older smile into the kiss.

Every now and then they’re letting out a quiet laugh, breaking the kiss to stare into each other’s eyes and smile for a second just to dive right back into it.

It all feels so extremely and unbelievable soft. Jeongguk’s lips are soft, the way he touches Taehyung is soft, the way they keep switching between kissing and rubbing their noses together is soft. It all makes Taehyung’s heart beat so much faster than before.

But Taehyung can see that it’s the same for Jeongguk. Under Taehyung’s touch he can feel the younger’s heart racing, catching him off guard. He moves to kiss Jeongguk’s neck, just a little peck right under his chin, nothing more. But just that little gesture causes for Jeongguk’s breath to hitch. The younger’s body stutters against Taehyung’s, feeling overwhelmed with the sensation of having someone treat him like that. And Taehyung just smiles. He smiles, knowing that he’s the cause of Jeongguk feeling like that. And he’s so incredibly happy.

“You’re gorgeous.” He whispers into Jeongguk’s ear, leaving another kiss on his skin and watching him shake once again.

Jeongguk shakes his head, grinning. His hand moves to Taehyung’s neck, pulling him close to press their lips together, already missing the feeling of their mouth’s touching. They both moan into the kiss, but it’s innocent. They’re enjoying their first kisses, the first touches between them, wanting to keep them in their memories forever.

Suddenly Taehyung is lying on his back, being pressed down by Jeongguk, who’s now moving to sit on Taehyung’s lap, caging the older’s body with his own.

Taehyung is so surprised by the other’s action that he doesn’t know how to react, just looking up at him, panting and slowly starting to grin at Jeongguk who’s starting to grin right back at him.

“Fucking hell,” Jeongguk says, eyes moving all over Taehyung’s body, starting from the way he threw his hands back on the pillow, to his collarbones, his neck, the smooth skin of his cheeks, the comforting brown of his eyes, pupils blown, and to his lips. “Look at you, Taehyungie. Look at you.”

Taehyung doesn’t even get to say anything before he’s being kissed again. This time it’s harsher than before, less softness but still beautiful. Butterflies just keep erupting from his stomach. They just won’t stop. His whole body is tingling, every touch, just the slightest grace of Jeongguk’s hands against Taehyung’s body leaves an electric sensation.

Maybe it really is how they describe it in books.

It’s not fireworks, but its close. It’s heat, a strong fire throughout his body, warmth flowing through veins. It’s the tingling on his skin and the butterflies in his stomach. The colors he sees flashing behind his eyes whenever he closes them and Jeongguk’s sparkling eyes whenever he opens them. It’s not a firework but it feels like one.

Taehyung feels like the first time he jumped into a pool, the first time he used his bike without support wheels and the first time he went on a plane. The excitement that’s pumping through those warm veins of his, it feels like so many first times he’s experienced before. Excitement, happiness, ecstasy and just pure pleasure.

Jeongguk suddenly moans into the kiss, pressing even closer, holding Taehyung tight. And Taehyung feels like he’s exploding. He puts his arms around Jeongguk’s waist, pulling him as close as possible but moves back, breaking their kiss.

“I’ve been thinking about this all night.” He whispers, hoping his heartbeat is going to slow down just for a second. His head is spinning and he feels nauseous, the good kind though. “This feels like a dream. Please don’t tell me it’s a dream, Jeonggukkie.”

Everything feels so real but so unreal at the same time. He can feel Jeongguk close, he can feel the younger’s breath on his skin and he can feel his pulse under his fingers and yet, he can’t believe this is real.

The fact that everything that happened in the past day led up to this exact moment, them making out in Taehyung’s shabby old hotel room, confessing to each other after only knowing each other for such a short time. God, it has been such a short time but it feels like days, weeks and months at the same time. It feels like they’ve been here for so much longer.

There’s no way this is real. There’s no way Taehyung is so lucky to experience all of this.

He closes his eyes, waiting to wake up from a dream. He doesn’t want to believe that it’s a dream and yet he does. There’s no other reason for his world to turn around so fast, he’s never felt this amount of happiness before, it just can’t be reality.

And while he thinks about that word, reality, he opens his eyes again, a tear escaping his eye. Jeongguk. He doesn’t want Jeongguk to be imagination. His mind just couldn’t have made up someone like Jeongguk, it’s not possible. He’s so different from all the people he has ever met, so genuine, so soft and generous.

But as he’s staring up at nothing, his vision blurs even more. He panics, searching for Jeongguk’s eyes but he can’t find them. Why can’t he find them? Where is he? He didn’t make it all up, did he? No. No!

“Shhh, hey.” Jeongguk’s soothing voice rips him out of his state of panic. Warm hands pull him up, he’s now sitting on the bed, rather than lying, his back pressed against the headrest. Taehyung blinks the tears away, shaking his head, still coming down.

“Taehyung,” Jeongguk says, still on Taehyung’s lap, holding his face between his warm hands and catching tears with his thumbs. Fuck, how is he real?

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

Baby.

Taehyung sucks in a long breath, letting out a loud sob. “You’re real.” He states, whimpering at how broken his voice sounds. He just ruined their moment. He ruined it.

“I’m real, I promise.” Jeongguk whispers, now gracing soothing patterns over the skin of Taehyung’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “Open your eyes, look at me.”

Taehyung opens his eyes. And there he is. He’s really there, he didn’t make him up.

“I–” He starts but feels the need to take another long breath. Jeongguk patiently waits for him, moving to hold his hands in his.

“It’s not a panic attack.” Taehyung says, trying to wipe his tears away with his shoulders. “I’m panicking, but it’s not a panic attack. Don’t worry.”

“It’s alright, baby.” Jeongguk says. “Even if it was a panic attack. I’m here, I’d help you through it. I’m here.”

“You’re really here.” Taehyung repeats, squeezing Jeongguk’s hands. “I didn’t make you up.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Fuck.” Taehyung stutters out and lets his head fall on Jeongguk’s chest, trying to catch his breath. It silent between the two of them for a few minutes. Taehyung still hiccups a few times but his breathing starts to regulate after a while and it’s okay. It’s okay because Jeongguk is here and he’s waiting for Taehyung.

“Better now, Taehyungie?”

He nods, moving up to look at the younger. Jeongguk is smiling softly, not looking mad at all which calms Taehyung even more.

“I wanna tell you why I panicked.” He says and moves up a bit to sit more comfortable but holds Jeongguk down, enjoying the weight on his thighs.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Jeongguk mumbles against the skin of Taehyung’s shoulder, holding him close. “You don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, I want to.” Taehyung says. “It’s something you should know anyway. Especially after we established that we both find each other very attractive.” He says teasingly, hoping to lighten the situation. It does take him a few seconds though to find the words.

“Why did we kiss?” He starts but shakes his head. “I mean, what made you want to kiss me?”

Jeongguk gives Taehyung a confused look but smiles. “Because I like you. Everything about you just makes me so attracted to you. I don’t know, I just really really like you.”

Taehyung tries not to smile, wanting to stay serious. “Why am I attractive to you?”

“You want a short or a long answer?”

Nevermind. Taehyung laughs at that. “Short, you dummy.”

“Mhm,” Jeongguk acts like he’s thinking hard. “Honestly, I can’t put it into short words. You’re handsome, you have the nicest and warmest smile, like honestly, your lips do this thing where –”

“Oh my god, stop.” Taehyung interrupts him, blushing. “But while we’re at it. My appearance, right. I’m a boy, you’re a boy, you’re gay, right?”

Jeongguk nods.

“And um, as far as attraction goes, uh, I feel like, you know, there’s always this stupid conversation about if bisexual people only like “real men” and “real women” and don’t include trans people, you know? Which, in my opinion is stupid because trans people obviously are real men and women but I get it, the whole, preference thing. If you’re a girl and you identify as a lesbian, you like girls, you like pussy, right? So, if you fall in love with a trans girl, pre surgery and everything, what then?”

Taehyung sighs, not wanting to look into Jeongguk’s eyes. “So,” He continues. “If that lesbian girl has a preference for vaginas and doesn’t like dicks, then what? She fell in love with a girl with a penis, but how is their relationship going to work? Or does the lesbian just suddenly lose all her feelings?”

Taehyung notices that now he’s the one rambling. He doesn’t even remember what he just said because it all just went past his lips in such a speed that he couldn’t comprehend the words he spoke. It makes him nervous all over again, hands shaking.

But Jeongguk is just watching him calmly, waiting to see if he’s finished. When Taehyung doesn’t say anything else, Jeongguk adjusts his position on his lap.

“Well,” Jeongguk starts. “I can’t speak for that lesbian that you just described. As you said, people have their preferences and I think that should be respected. But I also think that this stuff should be talked about early into relationships so that this kind of heartbreak doesn’t happen. It might be hard for that trans girl and no one should be forced to out themselves if they’re not ready, but I think if you’re not ready to out yourself then maybe you’re not ready for a relationship. Just my opinion though. I can’t speak for trans people since I’m cis. This is a tough topic because I’ve never dealt with it, I hope my opinion isn’t offensive.”

Jeongguk thinks for a second before he continues. “As for myself, I don’t care, I have no preference. I like men, biologically or not. It doesn’t matter to me what someone has in their pants, as long as they identify as a man, I can be attracted to them.”

Taehyung sighs internally. He’s never felt more relieved than right now, causing him to start crying all over again. Luckily, this time they’re silent happy tears.

Jeongguk notices immediately and rushes to wipe those tears away.

“The reason I panicked…” Taehyung trails off, sniffling. “Ever since I was born, I’ve felt like I was given the wrong life. I grew up being wronged by everything and everyone, no one understanding me, no one accepting me the way I was. So I automatically assume that every good thing that happens to me isn’t real.”

“That’s not true.” Jeongguk interrupts him. “I don’t know why someone would treat you bad and I don’t know what happened to you but that doesn’t mean you deserved it. Everyone deserves to feel happiness. You deserve every good thing that can happen to someone. So much.”

“I want to believe that so bad.” Taehyung says. “My childhood trauma just fucked me up mentally. It’s so hard to believe that I managed to cut off my abusive parents and that I studied for my dream job, that I’m now in Tokyo and that I’m here with you and that you’re real.”

“I can help you believe.” Jeongguk’s now carefully massaging his shoulders again. His fingers softly trace patterns into his skin. “I don’t care how long it takes or what it takes. I will help you through this and I will help you realize that all the good things happening to you are real.”

“Are you patient enough for that? Because trust me, there’s more than just that. There are so many things about me you don’t know yet. If I tell you everything, you will probably just run off.”

“And there’s a lot you don’t know about me yet.” Jeongguk says, playfully rolling his eyes but staying serious. “There’s things about me you probably don’t want to know but if we want this to work then I will have to tell you, because in a healthy relationship you talk about problems and you help each other get through hard times.”

“I wouldn’t care if you were a vampire or something, honestly, I already like you too much. You could kidnap me and I’d probably get stockholm syndrome.”

“That’s kind of weirdly specific.” Jeongguk says but laughs. “But I guess I could say the same about you. I don’t care about how bad your childhood trauma was, I care about helping you cope with it and I won’t let that get into our way.”

“See,” Taehyung frowns. “You’re being a gentleman right now, the fucking most perfect man I’ve ever met in my life, match made in heaven. We just made out for ten minutes and you confessed to me and already talked about a relationship with me but my mind is tricking me into thinking you’re just playing with me because I don’t deserve it.”

“And as I said, I will help you realize that you are deserving of me and that I’m also just a human. If we make this work, you will soon realize that we’re equal.”

“Even if my body’s different?” Taehyung finally says, ready to say the words out loud. He made sure that Jeongguk isn’t transphobic. Hell, he even knows that Jeongguk doesn’t have any preferences. But still, his anxiety is pushing him to ask for reassurance once again.

“You still want to make this work if I’m biologically a girl and had boobs up until a year ago?”

Jeongguk gives Taehyung a very soft and calming smile. “Of course I do. You’re a boy, right? You identify as a boy and coincidentally I am into boys. And by the looks of yours, I’m guessing you’ve been on hormones for a while, which is great, I love that and I support that. But saying if you weren’t, if you still had those boobs you were just talking about. I wouldn’t care. A boy is a boy to me and if you say that’s what you are then I’m attracted to you.”

“I’m going to fall in love with you.” Taehyung blurts out. “I’m 100% sure that you’re going to make me fall in love with you, holy shit. You’re so perfect, h-how?”

Jeongguk softly laughs once again. He moves to sit down against the headrest of the bed, his shoulder touching Taehyung’s just for a second before pulling the other into his own lap, wanting to hold him closer like this.

“Funny how that’s coming from you. You’re literally all I’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend.” He says.

Taehyung’s eyes widen. “Take me on a date first, Jeonggukkie. I’ve known you for a day.”

“You were the one talking about falling in love first. And that usually comes after being boyfriends.”

They smile at each other, feeling comfortable with the way they’re sitting now, in each other’s arms. Taehyung isn’t fully seating on Jeongguk’s lap, he only has one leg thrown over Jeongguk’s and he’s hugging him from the side, clinging onto him. He feels like he can fall asleep just like this because of how comfortable it is.

“Are you feeling better now?” Jeongguk asks, hands carding through Taehyung’s messy hair, playing with the strands.

“Yes, I do.” Taehyung mumbles. “It’s so relieving to know you accept me like this. I’m just starting to love myself but I feel like with you, this self-love journey won’t be that hard anymore.”

He’s silent for a second, enjoying the sensation of Jeongguk’s hands on his scalp. “I’m sorry though for ruining our make out session. It was just starting to get hot.”

Jeongguk laughs out loud and Taehyung thinks he’s in love. No, seriously, it’s the most precious sound he’s ever heard.

“Don’t feel sorry about that. My thighs kinda hurt anyway after using my muscles that long. Though, I won’t mind another kiss before we go to sleep.” Jeongguk smirks.

Taehyung’s heart is still racing as he’s looking at the younger. It hasn’t stopped racing since the first time they kissed. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had a heart attack because of the way Jeongguk is looking at him right now.

“Come here.” Taehyung mumbles, sleepy. He’s been trying to keep his eyes open for a few minutes now but it doesn’t seem like it’s working too well.

Jeongguk helps Taehyung lie back down on his side again and moves to lie down too, throwing one of his legs over Taehyung’s hip to pull him close. “Open your eyes just for one second please.”

Taehyung obliges, staring into Jeongguk’s eyes, enjoying the way they still sparkle, even though the younger also seems to become tired.

“Taehyung,” Jeongguk whispers lovingly, smiling. “We will make this work.”

He presses their lips together for a slow kiss, hands on his neck once again, deepening the kiss for one last time and hopes Taehyung understands. He’s here.

*****

A few hours later Taehyung wakes up alone.

He’s scared for a second, thinking it was all just a dream. It’s then that his phone lights up, a notification popping up on the screen, right under the local time. 4pm.

He moves to unlock his phone and looks at the message he just received.

from: unkown number

meet me at the rooftop at 7

i’ll be there

- jeonggukkie

And he’s really there.

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