Archive of Our Own ^beta

Faint regulated huffs, steady movements of his arms alternating with the strides of his legs, the wind playing with his black hair.

He passed the white mark on the slightly sagging ground, announcing the last 800m he would run for the day. A drop of sweat ran down his temple, drying in the cool evening air as he paced up in the curve and leaned towards the center. When he crossed the white line again, he slowed down but kept walking to cool down after his training.

"Kakeru!"

He blinked and turned around, watching out for the source of the all too familiar voice, it’s figure standing in the entrance of the otherwise abandoned track field. Big brown eyes were directed at him, a wide smile formed his lips, speaking of pride and warmth.

"Good work today."

"Haiji-san," Kakeru mumbled and couldn’t stop the grin which ran over his face as he saw that his former captain started to approach him. A solid knot formed in his chest as he observed the slight limp of Haiji’s leg which had never been really able to vanish completely. At least yet.

Kakeru slowed down enough as he walked around the inner field of grass to let his friend catch up with him.

"Good work today as well," Kakeru said once Haiji was walking next to him. Today he wore a dark blue track suit over a plain grey shirt, a green pair of running shoes completed his appearance.

"Thanks." Haiji smiled, gazing at him from the side.

"You’re already free today?" Kakeru asked, genuinely curious.

"I started early." Haiji sighed out, his jaw made a funny movement as if he wanted to suppress a yawn. "I had physical therapy in the afternoon so I thought I could visit you after."

"I see."

It wasn’t unusual. Haiji worked nearby so he often came directly from work to have dinner at Aotake and talk about his new job. Sometimes, Ouji would accompany him as well, and other times Haiji would pick the remaining track members up from university so that they could return together.

There was no denying that Kakeru had caught himself looking hopefully towards the gate to only be disappointed that nobody had come. But when Haiji did, his heart started beating and wouldn’t stop until his friend had returned to his own home and Kakeru had finished bathing, sighed over his homework and finally laid in bed, trying to fall asleep to no avail.

For now they finished the round and Kakeru started to do his usual cool down stretches. Haiji stood close by, head in the neck and watching the gathered clouds above them, painted in orange and dark red as the sun had already begun to set.

"You’re alone today?" He asked then, glancing down at Kakeru with one eye as the black-haired man put some weight on his thigh to stretch the inner muscle.

He nodded. "It’s our break day. Joji and Jota have a meeting for a class, they wouldn’t come to join me."

Haiji hummed. "I see," he said before he let his forehead wrinkle slightly. "So you thought you would come to the usual track field and train by yourself?"

"Well, yes."

Haiji raised an eyebrow. "On your break day?" He asked, as if he already wanted to hear a different answer.

"Yes, Haiji-san, what-"

But the brown-haired man sighed out. "It’s supposed to be a break day, Kakeru, give your muscles some rest."

Oh. So that was what this was about.

Kakeru didn’t know what to say and decided to mumble some incoherent words of displeasure.

"No buts, Kakeru, I say this as..."

"My former captain?"

Haiji didn’t answer immediately. Instead, his face got a serious expression and yet there was something twisting in the emotions he showed, reflecting in his eyes when he finally said: "As a friend."

It didn’t sound real.

Kakeru frowned, unsure how to interpret the conflicted emotions. "Oh."

"So." Haiji crossed his arms and the beginning of a smile formed his lips anew. "Next week you’ll have a real break day."

Kakeru flexed his arms to stretch them as well, looking at his friend from his new position. "I don’t know what to do without running." He admitted.

"Oh? No class to study for?"

Kakeru changed his arms and shrugged in the middle of doing so. "I manage all the time even with training."

Haiji hummed, thinking about his words. "You could read a book once in a while. I can lend you some, I still have a lot from my classes."

Kakeru harrumphed. "I don’t know."

"How about Ouji? Ask him for a manga, those are easier to read."

This was even more irritating. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Haiji laughed. "Nothing, nothing." He made a pause and Kakeru could feel his gaze on him as he bent forward to touch his toes. "Should I ask Ouji?"

It was a convenient connection as Ouji and Haiji were both working at the same company. But it wasn’t like he hadn’t any contact to Ouji himself anymore.

"No," he decided and straightened his back. "I can ask him myself if I want some."

Haiji nodded approvingly and let the topic slide. For now, Kakeru knew that at least one week later they would talk about this again.

They made another small pause and it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. They had learned to read each other better, knowing that sometimes words weren’t necessary to fill the gaps between them.

Kakeru finished stretching and slid into the sleeves of his track coat and pants. The nights were still chilly even though it was already April.

"How is it?" He asked, seeing that Haiji was still by his side, staring into the painted evening sky.

"Hm?"

"Your job."

Haiji frowned thoughtfully. "Not bad I guess," he said quietly, still watching the first stars glowing in-between the clouds. "It’s helpful that I can adjust my working hours to somewhat regular times so that I can attend my therapy." He lowered his gaze until he was looking down at his covered knee.

"And," Kakeru tried, asking carefully. He didn’t want to ask about his injury, he knew quite well. But asking about work was a sensitive topic at times as well. "How about the job itself?"

Haiji chuckled. "I wouldn’t have imagined myself as an editor after graduating and I don’t really do that work yet as I’m still a trainee. Though, at least I can use my degree for something. But..."

Kakeru nodded along, knowing that after their Ekiden, after all the pain and troubles with the knee, the surgery and everything, the future had changed permanently.

"But..." Haiji tried again, voice lower now, sounding indecisive.

The black-haired man looked up, curious, but Haiji shook his head.

"No, it’s fine." He turned fully towards Kakeru and smiled. "You finished, right? Shall we go back?"

They walked side by side towards the entrance and left the field behind. The streets were mostly empty and the few passerby seemed to be coming from work or went out to meet someone. The evening was nice for a walk and Kakeru inhaled the fresh scent of Spring of his second year in this town.

And he was nervous. He could feel his heart beating against the inside of his ribcage as if it wanted to break free. Every time Haiji’s arms got closer or brushed over his hand by chance, a tight squeeze relieved the constant warm ache inside of him, inching him to want more of that. This feeling wasn’t a rare occurrence and had been on his mind lately, when he wasn’t focused on keeping his breath steady or actually studying for university.

He wasn’t sure yet how to deal with it.

He stole a few glances, almost every time watching Haiji’s side profile but sometimes Kakeru’s eyes dropped lower to his knee, protected against the late Spring’s cold by the track suit. After every rehabilitation he had undergone, the slight limp was still visible if observed closely. A symbol of hidden pain and utter endurance which made Kakeru swallow a lump when he thought about the patience Haiji had to bring up throughout the past year. Not to mention through all of the years before they had met.

They rarely spoke about the permanent injury, branding Haiji as soon as he switched to short pants during Summer or going to a public bath. Kakeru didn’t know him without scars so it was a normal sight for him; for others it might seem more deterrent and pitiful.

Kakeru let out a breath he had kept without knowing and actually watched where he was going. They passed a small shop and rounded a corner illuminated by a street lamp before walking down a path which was framed by blossoming trees, their scent enveloping them.

The black-haired runner dared to look at Haiji again but his supposedly stolen glance was returned this time. Brown eyes looked at him openly, a soft smile played around his lips.

"Wh-what?" Kakeru asked, startled.

Haiji chuckled quietly. "You stared at me, earlier."

"And so did you."

He hummed. "I have my reasons."

"And so did I." He tried to not sound too offended.

Haiji’s lips twitched and once he stopped walking a step ahead, he started laughing. Kakeru frowned but eventually stopped next to him, standing in the narrow street and bathed in the faint light of the vending machine advertising coffee and sports drinks.

It was nice seeing Haiji laugh freely like that, eliciting a raspy chuckle out of Kakeru’s throat as well.

When their breathing evened out again, Kakeru smiled. A refreshing breeze played with their hair, tousling it at it’s own will.

Assuming a similar outcome, the younger man dared to throw another glance at the other which was immediately mirrored, as if Haiji had waited for him all this time.

"Kakeru."

He stayed silent but cocked his head a little to the side to show that he was listening. Haiji’s voice had been nearly a whisper, being one with the surrounding wind. He stood still, back straightened, resting most of his weight on the left side instead of the right, and his gaze shifted from Kakeru’s eyes to somewhere behind him and above his shoulder.

"I think," he started anew. "I think I like you."

Kakeru blinked a few times, a well known feeling started churning inside his stomach. It wasn’t warmth but heat, twisting it’s way through him. He didn’t know what he had expected his friend to say but certainly not this. He wasn’t quite sure how to grasp the idea of Haiji liking him but he suspected to know what he had meant.

"Oh," he said quietly. He nodded slowly as if he had understood what Haiji had just said. And then, since he didn’t know how to respond – because how do people normally respond to this anyway – he opened his mouth again and asked: "Why?"

Haiji tilted his head back and hummed, observing the darkening sky above them. "I don’t have an answer for everything, you know, but I do know that this is certain. I’ve known for a while." He looked at Kakeru with one eye from the side. "Do you doubt my feelings, my rationality?"

"No, of course not..."

"But?"

"No but. I… just don’t know what to say."

"Ah." Haiji moved his head back to look at him directly. "But you understand what I mean when I say that I like you, right?"

"I get a grasp of it." Kakeru said and thought that it would be enough but his friend proved him differently.

"It means I like you more than a friend. I like you… a lot." He sighed, unsatisfied with his own words. "In a sense that I want to be with you whenever, always. I want to hold your hand and stop your running time, watch you doing warm up stretches, help you doing them, go get groceries together, kiss you, or-"

"Romantic liking," Kakeru offered, hoping that it would stop Haiji’s embarrassing list of things he wanted to do with him.

"Yeah, let’s call it like that." Haiji put his hands on his hips and hummed, a gleam appeared in his eyes as he looked at Kakeru. "I can show you what I mean."

"Ri-right now? There aren’t any supermarkets close by."

Haiji laughed. "No I mean… If you don’t know what I want from you, I may need to show you."

Kakeru nodded. "I’m certain that you will do something to convey it… properly."

"You know me well."

"Of course," Kakeru said. "I watched you convincing eight people, who were certainly not quite pleased about it, to run an Ekiden in the middle of winter."

Haiji grinned. "I’m a patient man."

"You are." Kakeru frowned. "But.."

They locked gazes again and that’s when Kakeru noticed that there was a tinge of fear showing in the dark eyes which Haiji hastily tried to blink away.

"I understand what you mean but.. will you give me some time to think about an answer? You want an answer, right?"

The fear disappeared and was replaced by amusement and curiousity as he gave him an appraising look.

"I-I mean, uhm," the younger man stuttered, fumbling nervously with the hem of his sleeve. "Of course I like you too but… I can’t tell right now if it’s the same feeling you have towards me. In terms of romantic liking, as we defined."

"I see," Haiji said, nodding slowly. "Of course, take your time."

"And by that you mean having an answer by tomorrow?"

He chuckled. "I can’t lie when I think that I would like to have an answer as soon as possible and I do like to have an answer, yes. But.." Haiji smiled softly. "I want an honest answer, so I will be patient. And as you noticed, I’m pretty good a being patient."

Now it was Kakeru’s turn to laugh, although quietly. "I do know that, Haiji-san."

They continued walking home and talked about daily things which had occurred lately. It didn’t feel like they were avoiding the topic but Kakeru could sense that his friend was still a bit tense. From what he had learned from Ouji’s romance mangas this is what he would expect, but since he didn’t have any real-life comparisons or other ideas how to make Haiji feel better or more relaxed right now, all he could do was talking to him in a soft voice.

They parted ways when they were close to Aotake. Haiji raised a hand for a goodbye, his familiar enigmatic smile on his lips, and Kakeru watched him disappear before returning to the run-down house which had become his home.

* * *

At first nothing seemed to have changed at all.

Kakeru started his day with an early morning run before having breakfast with whoever else was up already to join him. Following this he would walk to university to attend his classes before the track and field club gathered on the track grounds for their training in the afternoon. The number of attendees had risen strongly after they had finished the Ekiden in the previous year and it made Kakeru smile proudly whenever he looked at the large group of blue dressed runners who pursued the same passion as him.

After Haiji had stepped down from being their captain, Shindou had taken his place. He, Musa, the twins and Kakeru were the only ones left from the original team led by Haiji. The Aotake members had tried to convince Kakeru for being their captain but he couldn’t agree. For once because it didn’t feel right to just take over Haiji’s spot right after he had stepped down due to the damage to his knee. And further was Shindou his senpai which gave him hierarchyly the position as the next captain. Though, it had to be noted that Kakeru was the one to manage their schedules.

Once their rigorous training was over, they returned home to take a bath, eat, and study for the next day or do homework; not necessarily in this order but when it came to dinner they all gathered in the kitchen where the other Aotake residents would join them as well.

A couple of days passed by and from the outside they overall seemed rather normal but in fact something had changed and Kakeru knew exactly what – or better who – had brought this change upon him.

The very first thing he noticed happened right in his mind.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the narrow street, the faint light of the vending machine and the soft wind which had tousled their hair as Haiji had spoken those simple yet profound words. The initial surprise while he had stared at the other’s side profile, noticing the shadow of fear in Haiji’s eyes which had been covered by the fondness Kakeru had come to learn of, was still clear in his mind.

And those simple words Haiji had kept for who knew how long.

I like you.

So.

Did he?

The answer was a simple yes or rather: the simple answer was a yes. Of course he liked Haiji, had liked him since a long time already.

Maybe he hadn’t liked him at their very first meeting after stealing bread and being gained on by Haiji on his bike; the initial conversation had been tinged with irritation, doubt and antipathy which had been purely caused by not knowing the man in front of him. It hadn’t helped that Haiji had proposed just two weeks after Kakeru’s move into the run-down Aotake his then-unthinkable dream of running the Hakone Ekiden with those ten present people from whom seven hadn’t had any track experience for most of their lives.

But doubt and antipathy had changed into trust and acceptance, brought by Haiji’s deeply running patience and Haiji believing in Kakeru. He had helped him in more than one way and although the black-haired runner couldn’t always find the right words, Haiji did and Kakeru hadn’t been allowed to take the easy way out of so many situations he had come across after he had started living at Aotake. He had learned to talk instead of using actions to convey his thoughts.

The time before Hakone and the time after had proven that Haiji was so much more than a team member, more than just their captain who organised their training, calculated their diets and looked out for everyone on the team. He became a good friend who Kakeru could rely on. Even during Haiji’s long stay at the hospital and the time he had spent with physical therapy and learning to walk again, Kakeru had always been there by his side because where else would he be? Being next to Haiji had become a part of his life which hadn’t changed much even after the older man had moved out of Aotake.

Maybe he would’ve started thinking about the relationship they had formed earlier, but the busy life of being a university student and participating in a club which ran long into the evening had taken up his time so far, thus the confession was rather sudden but at the same time not at all.

And Haiji hadn’t lied when he had said that he would try to convey what he felt.

Albeit the daily life being the usual, whenever Haiji showed up during or after practise – since his working place was close by – he would be very attentive towards the black-haired runner. It would be weird if it wouldn’t be so normal and moreover not unpleasant.

When their former captain showed up, every team member would greet him with respect. Haiji wouldn’t walk right into their middle and disturb practise, he rather lingered at the side until they finished and wait a little bit more so that he could talk to Shindou, Musa or the twins before directing his gaze on Kakeru and the runner always knew that this was the moment Haiji had waited for.

Kakeru started to look forward to Haiji coming to visit them in the evening after he was done with work or just came back from another therapy lesson.

One week after his confession Haiji came to Aotake to make sure that Kakeru was indeed having a real break day he had half-heartedly dedicated to his studies, only to be dragged out and being taken for a walk to the familiar river bank. They bought drinks on the way and once they arrived they settled into the grass, bathing in hushed talks or silence as the wind blew through brown and black hair.

In the beginning of the following week their team was concentrated on training with Shindou giving instructions and Kakeru observing the others to give advice or guidance while he always tried to keep his own form and a steady breath. And when practise came to an end, he would finally turn around to see Haiji standing next to Hana-chan, waiting patiently. He was wearing his usual blue and green track suit over a sweatshirt and smiled widely when their eyes met, always waiting for Kakeru to finally turn around and look into his eyes.

From then on Kakeru noticed that Haiji was watching him often, particularly when they weren’t talking to each other. He couldn’t know about being observed for a much longer time before already, but now that he knew he noticed that he liked to have Haiji’s eyes on him.

When Haiji came and – as it occurred more often – agreed to walk back with the Aotake members, he would always fall into Kakeru’s space, strolling next to him.

Joji and Jota were always fixated on Hana, talking to her, smiling and pulling jokes but never seeing the other brother as an enemy.

Shindou and Musa were walking behind the trio, chatting about practise or classes and Kakeru could feel that they threw Haiji and him glances once in a while, as if they knew something Kakeru didn’t and wouldn’t dare to say it aloud. And Kakeru was glad that there were no words said yet because he didn’t know how to put it what he felt when Haiji was walking next to him, shoulders nearly touching and his voice steadily speaking of his boring day at work or the new exercises his physical therapist had given him that day. And Kakeru absorbed everything Haiji was telling him, genuinely interested in his life which mainly took place somewhere else, wanting to know about his work, his considerate boss and the typical tasks coming along while working in an editing department.

And some nights after training Haiji would come in and join their dinner where all of them would shove him back into a comfortable seat whenever he felt the urge to get up and help at the stove. Those evenings were especially long but Kakeru was always happy when most of their previous team members managed to gather, to eat and laugh together. Knowing that he made up the biggest part of the reason for Haiji coming here, he smiled widely and was relieved that Haiji got some distraction from his work.

One evening Kakeru met Haiji in the little store Hana’s father owned, standing in front the shelve and trying to decide between spinach and cabbage. As soon as Haiji noticed him, his face lighted up and he strolled along, waiting for Kakeru to finish his own purchase.

After they excited the store with a last greeting towards Hana’s father they found themselves on the street.

"I can carry something," Haiji offered and reached out to grab one of the bags Kakeru was holding.

"No need, I can do so myself."

"I don’t have much on my own and you always need to buy more for the others."

"It’s fine, really."

"I only cook for me," Haiji added, raising an eyebrow as he aggravated his reasoning.

"You have enough to carry," Kakeru said and once the words had left his mouth, they didn’t sound right.

Haiji didn’t seem to know an answer for that since he only looked at Kakeru with a light frown between his brows.

"I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that," Kakeru added, truly apologetic.

Haiji shook his head and smiled again. "It’s okay. I know you’re considerate of it. Thanks."

Until they reached the crossroad where they would part, they didn’t lose anymore words.

* * *

Thinking of Haiji became his second being, right after running that was. Whenever he wasn’t busy with his morning route towards the Tamagawa river bank, training or an occasional evening jog, he would think about the brown-haired man who had entrusted him with his feelings. And since Haiji and running had come along since the very beginning, it confused his mind to concentrate on the main task he was busy with.

He couldn’t say if he knew the answer yet. For a long time until they had run the Ekiden together and sometime after, he would’ve said without any doubt that Haiji was running and running was Haiji and there was no in-between. Now, where he had gotten to know the other man better, he had had a look behind those equations he had set and he felt that they were about to change. There was just so much more to Haiji than just being a runner and even though he knew that, there was a lot he felt amiss.

Many things concerning Haiji had accumulated inside him and once he started to think about the answer, the need to sort out the warm chaos he hadn’t minded so far occurred.

Haiji had presented himself as a steady being who had supported Kakeru in overcoming his past, in establishing a team, being in said team while he had always been smiling. He had been patient with Kakeru’s past and had never asked nosy questions while Kakeru hadn’t asked him about his injury in return. It had taken some time until he had shared his very own past with Kakeru, representing each other’s trust, how much he cared for the black-haired man and that he also wanted to be taken care of himself. And Kakeru was gladly accepting it.

Kakeru couldn’t imagine to be without Haiji by his side, without his smile and support and encouraging words and the re-established balance he had brought into his life.

And then there was the literal proximity, always in-between them when they walked side by side which he wanted to close. He wasn’t sure what exactly he wanted to do but sometimes he wished that he could reach out and take his hand and just.. continue walking.

And maybe that was it.

* * *

It was yet another Thursday evening when Kakeru and the other club members residing in Aotake came back home from training, took a bath and shared a dinner before each of them returned to their own rooms.

Kakeru tried to go through his homework for the next day, sitting hunched over the small desk underneath the lamp, but frowned as his concentration drifted off towards his former captain who hadn’t been at their training today.

How many weeks had passed since Haiji’s confession? Was it four already?

Kakeru squinted to read the small calendar he had set up on the shelve and it showed clearly that May had already come. Four and a half weeks had passed in which he hadn’t done anything else besides running and thinking about his feelings for Haiji. Though, not much had changed in general but his thoughts had been more directed at last, running fast and faster to get a definite answer.

He shook his head to ease the cloud of accumulated thoughts hindering him from working on his homework. Stretching his legs under the narrow table, he tried to make out the characters written on the laptop in front of him where the assignment was still waiting for him to be accomplished.

But… Concentration wasn’t his friend this evening.

His gaze dropped on the framed picture from the Hakone Ekiden they had run together. It had been taken before they had left for their distinctive legs and now where he looked at it, Kakeru’s heart made a squeeze once he saw Haiji’s wide smile.

April had turned into May and a couple of weeks had passed. It made him thoughtful. How much time was he supposed to take for giving an answer anyway? It’s not like he had any reference for going out with someone and he couldn’t see himself asking his friends in university.

Kakeru sighed and dropped his hands to place them flat on the ground and tilted his head into his neck, staring at the stained ceiling.

It was quiet in the house. With the Ekiden finished the daily sound of Ouji’s treadmill had died down before he had moved out. Now, everybody was in their rooms, studying, on their computers or phones or already sleeping. Shindou and Musa were definitely still up and learning for their classes.

Kakeru considered if he could ask one of them for advice. He was sure that Shindou would be able to give a calculated answer with a sincere outcome and even though the overall opinion would be logically, Shindou would smile and encourage him with a few more words. Musa would give a much more emotional answer which was encouraging in it’s own way, but Kakeru just knew that Musa would see through him right away that it was all about Haiji which would make asking him much more difficult.

The third option was to inquire the twins. Kakeru thought of either Joji or Jota but where Joji was was Jota and vice versa and maybe it wasn’t that bad of an idea to ask both of them to have two differently fused opinions. And maybe, if he put his words well-thought-out there was a chance that they wouldn’t understand that it was about their former captain.

It took a few self-persuading moments until he managed to gain enough willpower to get up and leave his room to climb the stairs to the twin’s shared space.

He knocked and nearly instantaneously the answer came.

"Come in!"

He opened carefully and stepped inside. Once he closed the door and turned around, he saw that the two were sitting each on one end of the table, notebooks and print-out’s scattered across the worn-down wood and it looked like they had just begun their homework for the next day. It reminded Kakeru painfully that he had left his own studies which he always pushed as late as possible. Running came first after all.

Both of them looked up to him, smiling but a wonderous expression on their faces.

"I have a question," Kakeru started before either of them could say something.

"What is it?" Joji patted on the ground next to him. Kakeru followed the invitation and sat down.

Suddenly unsure how to actually start the topic, Kakeru averted his gaze and stared at the many papers with scribbled equations and numbers which made his head swim. He cleared his voice and raised his head.

"Kakeru?" Jota asked, slightly concerned about the pause.

"I’m fine," he said hastily, not wanting to worry his friends. "It’s just… I have a question about… it’s about confessing."

And at this the twins got equally excited.

"Who is it?"

"Is it someone we know?"

"Not telling," Kakeru evaded quickly.

Jota grinned widely and smug but Joji hummed thoughtfully.

"I remember that you said you liked someone," he mumbled, frowning.

And, oh, Kakeru knew exactly what he meant. Remembering very clearly the day of the Ekiden they had all ran together and it was true, he had liked Haiji back then. But now he had to rethink if this like was still the same or had actually advanced without him knowing yet.

"Well..." He cocked his head to the side, trying to find words.

Suddenly Jota gasped. "Don’t tell me it’s Hana-chan!? You can’t confess to Hana-chan, Kakeru!"

Joji, electrified by his brother’s words, nodded in agreement while crossing his arms to emphasise their shared opinion. Kakeru nearly chuckled but he knew that in this point the twins were very defensive.

"It’s not Hana-chan, it’s… someone else." He shrugged, hoping that it would seem casual.

"Then who is it?"

Both looked at him eagerly and moreover relieved that it wasn’t the young girl who had become their very first manager.

"I won’t tell you," Kakeru tried again.

"Kakeru, we can’t help you if you don’t let us in your secrets," Joji said.

"Exactly. In order to give a proper advice we need to know everything. In detail, preferably," Jota added.

Kakeru frowned, unsure if he wanted to say the truth or lie right away.

"I… don’t want to deceive you." He frowned. "Can’t I just ask my question and then you discuss whether to give me an answer or not?"

He must’ve looked either very desperate or pretty much puzzled – he definitely felt both though – since the expressions on the twins faces relaxed. The two looked at each other and nodded.

"Okay, go ahead. We let it pass this time, but just once."

"What do you want to know?"

"Alright so.." Kakeru took a deep breath, relieved that the twins weren’t angry with him. He collected himself and then – to his own very surprise – his thoughts made it out of his mouth in one go.

"If there are two people who have known each other for a long time and thus have some history together – not bad history but rather good, I guess, at least mostly – and they were always around each other and have the same interests and were literally living together… If one of them confesses but the other one doesn’t know how they feel yet, how long should the other one wait for an answer?"

The twins looked at him astonished, either about the content or the amount of words Kakeru had said since he black-haired runner was definitely astonished about the latter. Silence followed in which Joji eased his crossed arms to place them on the table while he thoughtfully stared at the ceiling. Jota examined Kakeru with a curious gaze which made Kakeru twitchy and nervous.

And then realisation seemed to struck them both at the same time, the two blondes looked at each other, nodding vividly. This act was already suspicious enough but their knowing grins were something which made Kakeru biting his bottom lip.

"So," Jota began, voice low and interrogatively.

"What exactly did Haiji-san say?" Joji completed the question, leaning forward on the table.

"Wh-why do you think it’s Haiji-san?" He tried, he really did, but he got flustered and even he would guess correctly at that point if he could see his own face heating up. He was glad there was no mirror in the room.

The wicked grins grew even wider, a unified embodiment of mischief.

Kakeru sighed, giving in. "Yes, it was Haiji-san. But don’t tell anyone, okay? I still don’t have an answer so-"

"Why?" Joji frowned.

"What do you mean why?"

"Why don’t you have an answer yet? You like him, right?"

"If I would have an answer I wouldn’t be sitting here." Being totally mortified, but he kept this part of his thoughts for himself. "And what do you mean I li-like him?"

The heat grew over his cheekbones, painting him in probably the deepest red he had ever come across with (which definitely was Haiji’s beet red salad but the thought wasn’t helping at all).

"It’s totally obvious." Jota underlined his words with a serious nod.

"Yeah, so obvious," Joji added.

"It is?" He tried to sound normal but the pitch of panic growing inside of him wasn’t as deeply hidden as he thought it was.

Now both of them smiled, answering his question.

"True," Kakeru admitted with a quiet voice. "I mean of course I like him but this like, his like is different from the like I thought of so far. At least I think I thought it was another like. I haven’t had many occasions where I had to think about something… romantically."

"That sounds awfully complicated." Joji’s smile changed, now it wasn’t a wicked one but one of the kinds which always helped Kakeru to feel better.

He sighed. "So, what do I do?"

"When Haiji-san said that he liked you, what did you say?"

"I said that I want to think about it to have an answer. An honest answer. But… how long do I wait? It’s been nearly five weeks and I think he… he..."

"He’ll go crazy anytime soon." Joji frowned.

Jota hummed his agreement. "But since it’s Haiji-san, nobody can tell if he’s keeping himself together or if it already happened."

"You’re no help so far," Kakeru threw in their vocalised thoughts.

"Right, sorry." Jota folded his hands so that his palms rested against each other. "Since it depends on your feelings I would say that you shouldn’t think so hard about it. Just go with whatever is in your mind and follow it."

"We can’t tell you if you should wait for exactly 53 days, jump into a relationship right away or, well, run forever." Joji frowned. "Wait, 53 days... How long did you say he confessed?"

Kakeru looked at the other twin. "But isn’t there a time limit or something? I can’t let him wait forever, right?"

"Well." Jota smiled. He tapped his brother on the shoulder who had been stuck with calculations, mumbling to himself. "Do you want to wait forever?"

"No, I..." Then he realised what the twin had said and… Oh.

Jota grinned. "I think you just got your answer."

Together, they smiled warmly at his friend.

"Good luck, Kakeru."

* * *

Maybe it was worth mentioning that Kakeru forgot his homework that very evening.

* * *

After running a late evening jog, Kakeru ended up at the track field they had used during his first year when they were getting ready for Hakone.

Maybe the non-stopping stream of thoughts had guided his legs to run where everything had started about six weeks ago and it felt like his mind was asking for confirmation as he stood in the entrance, looking at the dark field which was bathed in the nearly vanished light of sunset.

Spring had come and thus made the evening runs a little bit more comfortable as there was no need for gloves anymore and the ground felt softer, unfrozen and crisp. A soft breeze played with the strands of his sweaty hair as he tilted his head into his neck, watching the first stars appear on the pale firmament.

A few days had passed after the mortifying talk to the twins. He was grateful for their help of course but it was a bit alarming how quickly they had caught up that it had been their former captain who had confessed. And maybe Joji and Jota had known Kakeru’s answer for a much longer time already, way earlier than himself. It was somehow ridiculous and yet here he was, staring up into the sky and looking at the stars which built something new right into the light blue of the young night.

Kakeru sighed out once and turned around, jogging slowly towards Aotake.

When he was close he slowed down and started stretching his arms already as he turned around the corner to pass the open entry way of the run-down building. It was dark in front of the entrance but even with the few lit lights of the windows in the first floor and behind the door, he was able to make out the figure sitting on a flat stone. He would recognise the figure anywhere, it was nearly the same with knowing the path from the riverbank or the track field back home even if he couldn’t see anything at all. And now the soft light of the door framed the figure from behind.

Haiji had bent forwards to caress Nira who was laying on his back, panting happily over the affection and letting out gleeful squeaks. The brown-haired man chuckled, his eyes directed on the happy dog.

"Haiji-san," Kakeru said, quietly but the other heard him anyway. He looked up and his eyes widened in surprise. Then he smiled and Kakeru did too, unable not to.

"You’re back," Haiji noted satisfied.

"I was just running."

"I know."

They looked at each other, not necessarily waiting for more words right now.

"Haiji-san, what are you doing here? Not that I mind but.." Kakeru trailed off and watched how his friend stood up. Nira whined about the loss of caring strokes but complied and returned to his mat close to the front door of Coach Tazaki.

It was always a bit hard to watch Haiji getting up, especially from sitting on a lower ground. His knee was still healing and his leg looked stiff since he kept it rather straight and distanced while he bent the other to get up. The outline of a brace was clearly visible under the soft fabric of his pants. Once he was in an upright position, he shifted to balance his position more or less, but Kakeru could see that he still put more weight on his left leg to keep himself steady.

"Don’t look like that, Kakeru," Haiji said, smiling lopsidedly.

"How do I look like?" He asked carefully.

"As if you want to amputate your own leg to give it to me?" Haiji frowned. "I’m honoured but I rather have you with two legs instead of one."

"Oh? I thought I would get yours in return," Kakeru countered, smiling.

And at that Haiji laughed. "Yes but believe me, you don’t want it."

"I don’t..."

"Hm?" Haiji frowned.

"I don’t believe you, I would change your leg with mine if I could."

Haiji bit his lip. "I’m… rather relieved that you can’t, Kakeru."

The black-haired runner was sure that there was no answer to that, so he went back to his original question.

"What are you doing here? It’s rather late, right?" He checked his watch and changed the setting from stopwatch back to actual time.

"I just came back from work and wanted… Well I can be honest I think, I wanted to see if you’re there. It’s Saturday so I thought it’s a good time to come by since you’re not the going out to a club type. And there’s no direct pressure of doing studies right away."

Kakeru nodded but his mind had already stopped working on the first part. "You wanted to see me?" He asked, even though he knew the answer which had been presented to him just six weeks ago.

Haiji only smiled widely and this was enough.

"Let’s go inside then." Kakeru gestured towards the door.

"You don’t want to cool down some more?"

"Oh, uh, right." He had nearly forgotten. "If you don’t mind. You can also go inside already, so you won’t get cold."

"It’s Spring, Kakeru." Haiji laughed. "I rather stay here and watch you stretch." He winked. He winked.

Kakeru swallowed and nodded. "Alright, so.."

He followed his usual routine and with every tendon and muscle he bent, he felt Haiji’s eyes resting on him, expression calm but smile still present.

When he finished they went inside, pulling off their shoes in the genkan and advanced further into the narrow corridor.

"You can wait in the kitchen and I will go to the bathroom and change and then we can..." Unsure where to end the sentence, Kakeru let it trail off.

The thought of being alone with Haiji made him self-conscious but incredible content at the same time. And since it was Saturday evening he wasn’t sure how many of the other residents were inside who could stop by, but he knew that the twins at least had said they wanted to go outside although he didn’t know exactly when they planned to return.

"Talk?" Haiji suggested, his soft voice bringing him back into reality.

"Yeah, sounds good."

Haiji nodded and disappeared between the two narrow curtains, a familiar hand movement followed to switch on the light. Kakeru hesitated, still standing in the corridor, watching how the soft fabric fell back into place and hear his friend pulling back a chair to sit on. He blinked a few times and felt that if he wouldn‘t leave to take a shower now, he never would.

So he went to his room to get a change of clothes and tapped down the worn-out wood until he reached the bath. He took a rather quick shower, unable to stop his heartbeat which was running wild behind his ribcage. It felt like running his leg of the Hakone Ekiden in the past year again or the moment where he watched Haiji approaching the finish line; or both. It didn‘t take long for him to figure out that either of those analogies and the reality were all connected to the man waiting for him in the kitchen.

When he switched off the water he noticed that his fingers were trembling and he took a few calming breaths to relax. His mind and heart were still occupied with Haiji but at least his body reacted to his will. At least for now.

He changed into shorts and a simple t-shirt, hanging his towel on the drying rack to the ones of the other residents, put the used running gear into the laundry, and finally approached the kitchen. Once he raised a hand to push away one half of the curtain, he saw that Haiji was sitting on a chair, a glass of water between his hands which he studied with a thoughtful frown.

It was an oddly familiar sight, as if nothing had changed at all since Haiji had moved out last year, except it was Kakeru who was mainly cooking for the others now, with the help of the ever-learning twins.

But… Even though the scene could have likely appeared one year ago as well, a lot had changed in that time. Haiji had graduated and had started a job, he had had surgery and was still going to his weekly physical therapy. And Kakeru was still running, still in the club Haiji had brought to life, he had still the same haircut and hadn‘t changed much in his room either.

Though something had definitely changed. Kakeru felt that he had grown in the inside, he had learned to convey his thoughts into words when something bothered him, he had helped to re-establish the university’s track club and kept it alive, he had become an example for their youngest club members and even though he often felt embarrassed about it, it made him proud as well.

And he had made so many good friends from which his closest was sitting in front of him and the only reason why he did so was because of Kakeru.

"Nostalgic, isn‘t it?" Haiji asked, breaking Kakeru‘s stupor.

Kakeru blinked and looked in the familiar brown eyes, it‘s enigmatic glittering hovering over a smile.

"Well, you used the kitchen nearly every day," he said and stepped further into the room.

Haiji nodded slowly. Then a teasing glance appeared in his eyes as he threw the stove a short gaze. "Shall I cook for you?" He asked, grinning.

"N-no need," Kakeru waved with a hand, totally flustered. "I can do that myself. Besides, shouldn’t you be resting?"

Haiji looked at his knee. "Yeah," he mumbled, the joyful glee disappeared from his eyes. "But I can still cook, I do it for myself every day, now where I live alone."

"I see." Kakeru gave him a constructive smile which let some of the sudden sadness disappear in Haiji‘s gaze. He looked at his former captain before approaching the fridge to look for something light he could do for them to eat.

"You‘re up for a small snack? You probably already had dinner, right?" He said while looking through the variety of vegetables, some fruits and milk.

"Yeah, I ate before I walked here. But sure, something light would be nice, should I-"

"No." Kakeru grabbed a package of eggs and closed the door again. "You stay where you are, I‘ll cook."

Haiji‘s expression turned from the initial surprise into a warm smile. "Alright," he said, quietly. "I‘ll stay put and wait for whatever you‘re planning to do."

Kakeru grinned. "That was my plan."

He took one of the rectangular frying pans and some oil before shuffling around the stove.

"Did you wait long outside?" He asked then.

Haiji hummed. "Not that long I suppose. I talked to Tazaki-san a bit and then I thought Nira needed some attention, to which she happily agreed. And then..."

Kakeru turned around to see that Haiji looked at him, smiling. "Then you were there."

Kakeru felt his lips curl upwards, it was contagious. "Here I am," he agreed quietly and after a few more seconds in which they contently looked at the other, he turned back to the stove, cheeks painted in an obvious red.

While he busied himself with cracking a few eggs, taking a pair of chopsticks and mixing the viscous liquid with mirin and soy sauce, he could feel that his former captain was observing him. His stare was directed onto his back but it was a pleasant feeling, a soft tingle which made his chest expand with the comfort of being home, sated from running and taking a shower and being in the present of someone he was close to. If there was a word for this he didn‘t know it.

"You‘re cooking," Haiji began and broke the silence but his voice was low, as if he hadn‘t dared to say anything at all to not to destroy the little moment. "Every day?" There was wonder in his voice which made Kakeru grin.

"Mostly," he answered while he searched for salt and sugar in the cabinet. "Sometimes we take turns and the twins help me a lot but…" He turned towards the brown-haired man. "We don‘t reach your level, Haiji-san."

"And after everything I taught you."

"I could barely hold a knife in the beginning." Kakeru raised an eyebrow. "I‘m relieved that the others help me, otherwise we would starve to death. Or become fat since we won’t have a well balanced diet because we‘ll only eat konbini bentous."

"Oh?" Haiji grinned. "That‘s true, a balanced diet is important for a runner."

Kakeru nodded and added the sugar to the yellow mixture. He frowned and threw his friend a quick glance, unsure if he should share what was in his mind.

"The twins managed to burn ramen last week," he said then quietly and Haiji snorted at that.

If Kakeru hadn‘t been there that time to get a wet towel and keep the destruction at a possible minimum – a few burn marks were still visible on the ground – he would find it funny as well, but seeing Haiji laughing with all his heart made him join. It released some of the tension he had still kept inside his body and washed away the nervousness.

Once they quietened down again, they smiled at each other and Kakeru felt relieved that they were still like this, getting along and talking about everything there was on his mind. Even if it was burned ramen.

"I have to admit that Joji and Jota do have other talents."

"Oh?" Haiji grinned and added playfully: "Tell me about it."

Kakeru giggled and turned towards the eggs. He sighed. "We were so hungry by the time the kitchen was a mess that we ended up eating the last stack on instant noodles we found in Niko-chan-senpais room."

"Speak about a balanced diet."

There was a comfortable pause where Haiji took up his glass to drink some of the water while Kakeru started pouring some of the egg mixture into the heated pan.

"How is it?" He asked then. "Living alone I mean." He threw a quick glance over his shoulder.

"You asked me that a few weeks after I moved out already." Haiji raised an eyebrow but he didn‘t look resentful.

The black-haired man shrugged. "Still, it might change after a year, right?"

Haiji hummed. "Yeah… Sometimes it gets kind of lonely I guess. It‘s really quiet compared to living here at Aotake." He looked around the kitchen, seeing the white board which was still in use, the big boxes of potatoes, the kitchen utensiles and the racks full of dishes and chopsticks, neatly arranged.

"I can understand," Kakeru said, slowly nodding as he thought that Haiji living alone was an image which doesn‘t really fit well to the person. Even though he had taken time for himself either for organisation of the team, his own studies or to just be alone, he had always been lively among their friends and still was. Though after Hakone he had also had some quiet episodes where Kakeru had seen him sitting alone in his room or the kitchen or standing in the entry-way to Aotake, grip tight around his crutches, staring into nothingness. He had been the epitome of sadness.

Kakeru had helped him to overcome those moments, but sometimes it had been a good idea to leave him alone and grant him the time he had chosen to not speak to anyone at all.

"We were ten people who saw each other nearly every day for more hours than we slept," Kakeru said while starting to roll the eggs, trying to get away from the sad image of a drenched Haiji standing during a downpour. "And sometimes even more because you wouldn‘t let us sleep through all of the night."

Haiji chuckled. "Oh? I remember clearly that you were the only one besides me who never complained about running in the early morning."

Kakeru looked over his shoulder, giving his friend a frown. Well, Haiji was correct about it, he couldn‘t complain. And he never had.

"You were the first to go outside and run," Haiji continued and sighed. "I miss those times."

Kakeru opened his mouth to say something but hesitated. He took out the first fried eggs and placed them on a plate.

"Here," he brought it to Haiji. "Can you cut it?"

"Sure."

He returned to the stove and put some more egg mixture into the pan.

"How is it now?" Kakeru dared to ask then as he listened to Haiji reaching out for a nearby drawer to get a knife. "You‘re still..." He turned around and gestured towards Haiji‘s knee.

Haiji bit his lip. "It‘s… okay I guess. I can‘t run... but the tissue around the scar is healed at least and the muscles are slowly going back to where they are supposed to be."

Kakeru knew what the pause was for.

I can‘t run… yet.

At first Haiji had always said it, always added the hopeful yet. But with time the doctor hadn‘t been that confident anymore and even though Haiji had kept it up at first, after a while he lost the small syllable, replacing it with silence.

"Does it trouble you during your work? Do you have to walk a lot?"

"Not that much." Haiji cut a few rolls but stopped, hovering the knife over the fried yellow texture. "My boss is very considerate and the others always give me stuff which I can handle easily while I‘m sitting at my desk. Or I get small jobs I can do with a short walk to get a bit of balance between walking and sitting since the leg gets stiff after a while but.." He cut the rest of the eggs, staring at them as if they were the reason for all the pain and endurance he had suffered.

"You don’t want to," Kakeru ended his sentence, looking at his friend.

Haiji groaned. "I hate it, Kakeru, it’s so boring. I want to move so badly but all I have to do is sit there and type on the computer. The job is alright I suppose but it’s not the right job for me, I know it."

"Why not quit?" When Kakeru spoke the question he knew that it wasn’t what he had wanted to say. "I mean..." he added, fearing that Haiji had understood him wrongly but when he looked at the man, a lopsided grin hung on his lips.

"You know why I can’t," Haiji said, voice quiet. He put down the knife and reached out for his glass to keep his fingers busy. "At least I can use my degree to work there and, you know, pay the bills."

"Haiji-san."

They looked at each other, the brown-haired man was waiting for his friend to continue but Kakeru bit his lips, indecisive where to begin.

"The injury will heal further. It’s just a year so far, it’ll be better for sure."

Haiji chuckled dryly. "When?"

"I… I can’t tell you. Sorry."

"Why are you sorry for this? Nothing of it is your fault? I ran Hakone knowing that this outcome is high likely, I shouldn’t complain about my own stupidity and stubbornness"

"I don’t argue with that," Kakeru mumbled.

Haiji laughed, this time a bit more earnest than before.

"But..." Kakeru turned around a bit more, gaze fixating on the other man. "I at least could make you feel better, right? Isn’t that my responsibility?"

"Oh? Where does this come from?"

Kakeru, recognising what he had just implied, blushed. "I just mean, uhm… I want to help you to feel better and..."

Haiji braced his chin on one hand, looking at Kakeru as if he was just about to do something very fascinating.

"Oh you’re on a good way to make me feel better if you talk about things like making me feel better and taking responsibility. Please elaborate, I would love to heart about it." He grinned mischievously.

"Haiji-san, we were talking seriously here."

"And so am I?"

"Haiji-san." Kakeru used his stern voice which made brown eyes blink twice before Haiji closed his mouth, waiting for him to continue. "I know that you will heal. I just know it. And I’m certain that you won’t be working this job forever. You hate the job but for now you have to bear with it and eventually take up something else."

"For example?" Haiji frowned and he sounded a bit angry but his question was genuinely curious. "I’m a former runner with a permanent injury. What could I possibly work at?"

Kakeru opened his mouth but closed it again.

"You have to trust me," he finally said. "And be patient."

Haiji stared at him with an astonished gaze before a smile pulled his lips apart.

"You tell me to be patient?" He said then. "You?"

"Why is that so confusing?" Kakeru rolled the other eggs in the pan and added more liquid. "After all it was you who said you would wait patiently for an answer, right? I just reminded you that you indeed are able to… to..." He stopped talking and stared at the liquid eggs, waiting in their rectangular box to be fried. And now he felt his previous blush intensifying.

They had chatted so casually that Kakeru had nearly forgotten why he had been excited to begin with. But of course the thoughts, which had felt much more at ease with Haiji’s very existence and their talk, were persistent and always present.

There was silence now, only filled with the soft sizzling of the pan, their breathing and the atmosphere of something which each of them knew of and needed to be addressed.

When he finally found the courage to break the quietness between them and open his mouth to actually say something, he felt surprisingly calm.

"Why now?"

"Hm?" Haiji sounded rough but Kakeru was aware that he had been waiting for him to say something.

"Why did you confess now, why not earlier? You said you knew for a while, why did you wait?"

There was a pause.

"I mean." Kakeru rolled up the last bit of the egg and placed it on another plate, switching off the stove after. "I don’t want to say that you should have talked about your feelings if you didn’t want to, it’s your own decision after all. But now where you said them to me I… I wondered why you waited."

He turned to see that Haiji’s looked calm while he nodded slowly.

"Well," he started. "I had the surgery last year and with rehabilitation and therapy and finding an apartment and a job, everything was so..." He trailed off, averting his gaze to stare at his glass of water between his hands. "I was… I was afraid that you wouldn’t return what I felt towards you."

And at this he looked up again to search for Kakeru’s eyes. The black-haired man blinked, stunned about the revelation.

"Why?"

Haiji snorted. "You’re asking me that?"

Kakeru’s lips twitched but then he chuckled. "Sorry," he said, understanding what Haiji had meant. There had been a lot on his mind in the past year and adding additional fear on top of the overall fair amount of anxiety must not have been exactly helpful.

But the moment seemed to ground them both again. Kakeru took the plate and sat down at the other side of the table, taking up the knife Haiji had used before to cut the fried eggs into rolls.

"Now we’re already on topic," he stated, glancing upwards to see that Haiji was returning his gaze with curiousity and a tinge of fear. It reminded Kakeru of the evening where the other man had confessed. It was the same fear reflecting in those big brown orbs now.

Haiji nodded slowly. "So," he continued tentatively. "Not that it was my intention to ask when I came here, I just happened to be here because.."

"You wanted to see me." It wasn’t a question.

Haiji nodded anyway, smiling fondly. "Yeah."

"I know," Kakeru said. "I know that you would wait until I say something. You’re a very patient man." He spoke with a matter-of-fact voice but it made Haiji stare at him before bursting once more, making Kakeru laugh too.

They calmed down and looked at each other, waiting for the continuation of the already started conversation.

"Not that I expect an immediate answer now, I would still wait longer but, uhm, did you… think about it? A little bit," Haiji added and he sounded nearly shy.

It was weird to see Haiji so hesitant and carefully talking to him all of a sudden when Kakeru was used to him being not.

If Kakeru hadn’t thought about Haiji’s confession while he’d been frying the eggs he certainly was now. The all too familiar feelings and thoughts which had crossed his mind in the previous weeks – and honestly months – returned as soon as Haiji had asked.

And Kakeru knew, he knew more than six weeks ago when Haiji had confessed to him. He knew the answer all along and that it had started to form when they were running the Hakone Ekiden 15 months ago; he knew that the answer to running was the same as the answer to another part which was connected deeply with his very core, manifested in a shared dream for the very same person who had managed to find Kakeru.

When he had first started thinking about how to answer Haiji’s proposal, he hadn’t thought much about whether this liking was romantic or not. He always was certain that yes, of course he liked Haiji, but the thought hadn’t appeared to him yet that those feeling which had accumulated within him and started to move and spread their warmth through his body whenever he met the brown-haired man who had shown him a new side of his potential; that those were the counterpart for Haiji’s confession on the narrow street six weeks ago.

He looked at Haiji who was waiting for him to say something, anything really. Haiji, who was the manifestation of a dream he had shared, his former captain, a sign for stability and willpower, strength and patience – so much patience. Haiji, who had formed Kakeru’s future and was the very same image of running. And even though they wouldn’t run together for now, it didn’t mean that they would never will or that their whole world around each other had stopped, it just moved on differently, forming other dreams along it’s path.

"I," Kakeru started, unsure how to express all his feelings in wisely chosen words, but was interrupted just a second later.

"I'm sorry for asking." Haiji raised a hand, brows ruefully knitted.

"Huh."

"Maybe it’s still too early." His voice sounded slightly distressed. "I was just… I can still wait but I was getting impatient, though that’s on my part I guess. I waited for a very long time already but after Hakone last year my mind had been busy with… other stuff."

Haiji glanced down at his knee, reaching out.

"But it’s not like anything I feel changed. This," he tapped a few fingers against his leg. "Didn’t change anything what I told you, Kakeru. But I know that this is what I am feeling and that won’t differ."

He looked up to meet Kakeru’s gaze, a somewhat hurt smile formed his lips the black-haired runner wanted to wipe away, make the brown orbs grin in earnest again. But then his gaze changed into an expression of surprised regret.

"But, uh, nevermind." Haiji waved a hand. "You should take your time. I don’t want anything… hasty. I’m not afraid to hear something I don’t want to know but… Oh… Well, I think I am, but-"

Kakeru bit his lip and wanted to stop the ramblings. He leaned forwards and placed his lower arms on the table, trying to get a little bit closer to Haiji.

"Haiji-san, I-"

But the brown-haired man continued, as if he hadn’t heard his friend.

"Maybe I was wrong, who knows." Haiji frowned, staring down at the plates of eggs between them. "I mean, I know that I like guys so I’m okay with with that but I haven’t even asked you if you are."

"I’m-"

"And even if you’re okay with guys, maybe you also like girls or something else and then you would rather prefer a girlfriend over me?"

"Haiji-sa-"

"And I don’t know about your future aspects, aside from running I mean. Do you want a family? Because you can see it as you like but I can’t bear any children. But maybe adoption is something you would-"

"Haiji-san, I-"

"...Which is to be considerate but I haven’t even asked you and I don’t know personally if I want to have a family at all. All my life I wanted to run until I broke down but I still wanted to run and kept going and then I met you and we started to train for-"

"Haiji-san!"

It must’ve been the stern tone in his voice which he rarely used to get Haiji out of his rigour. Haiji stopped talking, closed his mouth and blinked perplexed as he finally raised his gaze from the fried eggs to meet the other’s eyes.

"Kakeru?" His voice was quiet and careful, the shadow of fear stark against the white.

Kakeru gave him a soft smile. "You were rambling, I needed to stop you."

Haiji blinked two times more before chuckling roughly. It relaxed his flexed muscles in his jaw at least.

"Sorry," he said then and his gaze trailed off over the table to the side. "I thought so much in the past weeks I guess my mind wanted to get rid of some stuff."

The twins were right, he really did went crazy.

"I'm sorry."

Haiji frowned and with his puzzled eyes he nearly looked endearingly. "For what?"

"That you… thought so much about it. I mean I did think a lot too and since you already know your opinion on that matter, it was me who would need to think about it, right?"

Haiji was silent for a while and when he opened his mouth again, he asked very quiet: "And did you?"

The silence which deployed between them was heavier than the previous comfortable one. A warm steam evaporated form the eggs between them, a drop of water fell into the sink, and Kakeru could hear his mind running wild as he thought about how to start while observing Haiji’s trembling fingers.

"Yes," he said hesitantly, but now he knew what he wanted to say. "Yes, Haiji-san, I thought about it. A lot."

Haiji raised his head higher yet so abruptly that Kakeru thought he heard a cracking in his neck.

"Oh?" He asked, his voice going back to his usual tone and he watched Kakeru with a patient gaze.

"I..." Kakeru took a pair of chopsticks and fiddled with them, staring at the fried eggs before he looked up from underneath to lock eyes with Haiji. There was nothing else to say than the conclusion he had come to and which was the truth where there was no need to hide it anymore.

"I like you too. Like that, you know, romantically." He frowned, not quite satisfied how the words came out but this was what he had realised.

Haiji stared at him. It was a peculiar gaze, his brown eyes widened and it looked like two sole planets surrounded by whiteness. The fear had vanished and was replaced by relief. His mouth opened a slit but no sound came out and his brows unfolded, making him look extremely astonished but relaxed as well.

The stare wasn’t uncomfortable but the longer Kakeru was fixated on the incredible open brown in front of him, the more he suspected that either Haiji was about to turn into a statue forever or he would melt, burning a Haiji-formed-hole into the kitchen’s ground and never seen again.

Luckily, neither of it became true.

"You do?" Haiji whispered as his eyes started to water.

"Yes, I do," Kakeru confirmed, smiling in the hope that it would ease the perplexed stare. "I like you, Haiji-san."

"Oh, uhm..." Haiji blinked. "Thanks." His voice was rather dull and his stare eased itself, his eyes looking at his glass of water.

"Thanks?" Kakeru suppressed a laugh. "That’s all you say to it?"

"No, uhm, of course not but I..." Haiji frowned and let out a sigh which sounded like it had been stuck in his throat for a long time. He threw a quick glance to Kakeru before fixating the water glass again. "Just… give me a second."

"Of course." Kakeru observed his friend and waited, smiling as he saw that the other man tried to comprehend the words he had just said and all the feelings behind them.

A minute or two passed when Kakeru got nervous again. Their feelings were now all in the open and the space between them felt too much. He put down the chopsticks, ignored the freshly fried eggs and got up. Haiji raised his head and looked at him irritated as Kakeru stood still next to his side, indecisive what exactly he wanted to do.

"Uhm, I just..." Kakeru reached out and touched Haiji’s shoulder and this seemed to break the spell which had kept them both in their rigour.

There was no warning when Haiji jumped up from his chair, knocked the glass of water across the table and pulled Kakeru into a tight embrace, pressing his face against the younger man’s collarbone.

"Haiji-sa-"

Kakeru stood there, surprised and arms still in the air, before he embraced the warmth surrounding him. Haiji’s scent was everywhere and he breathed it in, couldn’t get enough of it. He felt the other man shifting but his face remained where he pressed it into the crook of his neck and where his t-shirt began. Soft, hot breath ghosted over the exposed skin, making him shiver, and Kakeru could feel Haiji’s hand wrapped around his lower back, curling into the soft fabric.

He too had looped his arms around Haiji’s shoulders, keeping him close and drew arbitrary patterns between the shoulder blades hoping that it would soothe the other man.

From the corner of his eyes he noticed that the table was still wet and water dripped down onto the floor. But this would need to wait, it was just water after all.

"Haiji-san?" He tried once more, voice quiet and tentative.

Haiji hummed in response, a sign at least that he had heard him. Then he stirred and raised his head just enough to softly bump their foreheads against each other. Slowly he opened his eyes and met Kakeru’s stunned gaze.

They looked at each other, both kind of surprised but relaxed in the narrow proximity of the other, protruding the personal space. Kakeru was the first who started to grin and Haiji followed, a low chuckle echoed from somewhere in his throat and they laughed while keeping the other’s gaze.

There was happiness in Haiji’s eyes and relief – so much relief – and affection. There was no end to all of the emotions which ran through those large brown orbs which were only directed at Kakeru.

"I guess my patience was worth it?" He mumbled then, his breath ghosting over Kakeru’s cheeks.

"Of course," Kakeru said. "It’s worth waiting if you want to accomplish a dream, right?"

Haiji raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I didn’t see that coming."

"Maybe. But here I am."

"Yeah, here you are."

Kakeru smiled and glanced down on Haiji’s lips. The other man had noticed that of course and a gleam of playful smugness crossed his expression, as if he wanted to say Go for it.

And Kakeru did. He couldn’t exactly express what he had said earlier and what he felt when they were so close, hugging and being in the other’s space, breathing in the other’s scent, feeling the other’s hands on his body and keeping him close.

He leaned forward while he kept his gaze locked with Haiji’s, who was observing his very doing, and crossed the last distance between them. He didn’t know if he needed to announce what he was about to do since Haiji seemed to have a good grasp of it, so he just went for it.

If thinking about liking Haiji during the past six weeks had made his heart race as if he was running his leg in Hakone once more, now it felt like he had run all ten legs in one go.

Tentatively he pressed his lips against the other’s which were warm and soft, wetted from the water he had drunk earlier. He rested them there, unsure how much he could dare to move them. When he felt Haiji reciprocating the kiss, it felt even better. Their lips slid over each other and fit perfectly once he tilted his head slightly. While Kakeru pulled away to start once more, he lowered his arms to rest his hands on Haiji’s hips, pulling him closer so that their chests were flushed.

Haiji raised a hand to cup Kakeru’s face with it, guiding him into the kiss so that their lips could slot against each other.

Kakeru didn’t know how much time passed but once they pulled apart, his lips were tingling and when he looked at Haiji, he saw that his were swollen and flushed red.

Haiji smiled, licking over his lips. They were still standing close but not as close as during their kiss. Kakeru found it hard to let go of the other’s hips and Haiji’s hand had dropped to his shoulder where he caressed his exposed collarbone.

"So," the brown-haired man said quietly and threw a glance towards the table. "Should we enjoy the fried eggs you made?"

Kakeru blinked at the table to the totally forgotten food he had prepared.

"Yeah." He smiled, returning his gaze to meet Haiji’s eyes again. "That would be great."