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He wasn’t aware of when it had started- of when his tears began to fall like magma from his eyes, burning as if he had rubbed them too hard or scratched the eyelid. Even so, the crystal droplets sparkled with the color they had stolen from his sight.
Midoriya Izuku hadn’t seen a full rainbow in years; the light no longer caught his gaze the more he attempted to cry his love away. He could still remember the vivid finale of burning tears swelling from his gaze as the last color faded from his vision- red, the same shade of his unfortunate beloved’s garnet gems. They faded from a vibrant scarlet, challenging anything in their paths; to dull rust, full of insecurity and crying for help; and then to a flat brown, before, finally, his world was nothing but grey.
It was no stretch to say that the inside of him was grey as well.
Midoriya trudged home that evening with his sorrows rolling down his cheeks, his dreams crushed, and the last hope he had left of his love torn to shreds and burnt just like the pitiful notebook he held in hand.
Even as his idol- All Might, the Number One Hero and Symbol Of Peace stood in front of him and honestly gave him the words he waited his entire life to hear… it didn’t make him feel a single thing, so, once again, he cried. The small drops of fire shone in the fading sunlight, effectively hiding the sky of stars falling from his eyes, but, in that moment, the setting rays didn’t reach his eyes anymore.
The intense training from his new mentor was a good distraction from the pain of his hopeless love, Midoriya found. He could feel the burning stretch of his muscles crying out for him to stop, and it made him feel whole again. Even if he couldn’t appreciate the autumn hues of a cackling fire, he could still feel the burning in his veins; even when his vision lacked life, his body was still kicking with defiance. Maybe he had gone overboard a few times, stretching himself to the very threads of sanity and relying solely on determination and spite to push him through the day.
However, it worked- to a degree.
Exhaustion hit him so heavily during the day, he couldn’t find the time to think about why his world was in between black and white, or why the boy who had taken his heart from him had stretched the distance between them yet again- as if their gap wasn’t painful enough for Midoriya’s heartstrings.
When his mother found out that he couldn’t see color at all any more, she immediately rushed back to the doctor’s to up the strength of his eyedrops in hopes that they would keep him from going blind.
“Honey, can’t you just… get over it? Please, sweetheart, I don’t want to lose your eyesight over some crush-” Midoriya Inko tried her best to be supportive, but, above all, she was a mother and only wanted what was good- what was safe- for her son. Even the doctors were worried for him, “Have you just tried to let it go?” they would ask-
As if he hadn’t spent hours wishing for that fate.
In all ways, his love had only harmed him- bruised his knees as a child, hurt his heart every day, shattered his pride, and burned his eyes as it ripped the color from his world…
But despite all of that, he could never stop loving Bakugou Katsuki- a bully, a tyrant, and the center of his world… No matter how many times life tried to push the explosive boy around, he never yielded. He was steadfast, headstrong, and- in spite of his temperamental attitude- a hero to his core.
He was both Midoriya’s biggest inspiration as well as his biggest detriment.
But things got better…
Even if he never caught another glimpse of the rainbow again, he was able to stand by his love’s side, fighting together just like he had always dreamed. In just their first year at UA, they had closed so much distance, it made his heart swell. Though the doctors had warned him about what might happen if he let his emotions get the best of him, Midoriya could still see perfectly, and, after hours spent studying colors, he had the varying shades and hues seared into his mind; although, knowing that the most subtle difference in the greys could crumble his entire facade made him vigilant.
“You’re going out in that?” one of the girls shamelessly commented on his fashion sense- or lack of, rather.
“I-is there something wrong with it?” the freckled boy almost hesitated with asking, both out of his old socially anxious habits as well as the fact that he could have easily paired up the wrong greys. What if he was wearing blue and orange? Sure, they looked good together, but, given his forest hair, they would have looked awful! His shirt should have been a faded sky blue paired with a faded black pair of pants…
“Yeah, dude, those colors are so out of season-” leave it to Ashido Mina, only the most colorful girl in the entirety of UA, let alone Class 2-A, to find his one weakness.
Midoriya went completely rigid, not even hearing when his friend Uraraka Ochako, vouched for his choices with her cute, bubbly laughter, “I don’t think it’s the colors…” she was far too nice to outwardly say that his fashion choice was lackluster- even when it clearly was.
The pink haired girl bounced out of her seat, rushing over to Midoriya with a twinkle in her golden irises as she grabbed his arm and pulled him back up the stars, cheering about how ‘she could help him!’ and it ‘would only take a second!’ Of course, no one bothered to stop her- not like anyone really could.
Normally, Midoriya wouldn’t mind her forwardness, but this time, Ashido didn’t bother going past the first flight of steps before pulling him into a corner and lowering her voice, “You can’t see color, can you?” she demanded with a tough grip on his tee shirt.
“A-ah… well…” he wanted to lie; he would have if he could, but Midoriya came clean, “N-no…”
Of course, the questioning didn't stop there, "What color's my face?"
"I'd say," he paused for a second to compare the shading once more, "Bubblegum pink!"
"My eyes?"
"Like… a golden? Almost…"
"Huh… you got both right…" she muttered, looking to Midoriya with a silent 'how.'
The boy huffed, figuring he didn't have a choice in the matter, "I've studied…" he didn't have to tell Ashido that he had Star Tears, right?
"Why?" or he could have kept it if she hadn't decided to press further, "Did you think we'd make fun of you for it?" That was a fear of his, but certainly not the whole truth.
Biting his tongue, Midoriya almost started off with 'Kacchan,' mentioning how he would have known that he hadn't always been plagued with such a detriment, but Ashido was cunning- she was quick witted and would easily close the gap, so Bakugou was a theme that needed to stay as far away from the discussion as possible. "I wasn't born colorblind, and I didn't want anyone to worry or… ask questions…" he mumbled the last part, hinting at the fact the pink girl was making him uncomfortable in the slightest.
"Oh, sorry," Ashido waved an apology before stepping back, "But-" she leaned forward, "Just one more question-" Her amber eyes pleaded, making it impossible for Midoriya to say no, so he nodded.
"What happened to…" she tapped her eyes.
"My ability to see color?" he filled in the blanks, knowing she would ask that, "It's nothing threatening," he waved, "I just lost it because of a minor illness…"
Holding his breath, Midoriya hoped that was enough to get her to back off, and, thankfully, it did because she actually stepped back significantly this time.
Ashido looked away with a, "Huh," as if she was really letting those words take root inside of her head, “Well,” she smoothed the nonexistent wrinkles of her skirt and looked up at him with a grin, “Do you want me to actually help you pick out an outfit, or what?”
Emotionally exhausted now, Midoriya gave a halfhearted wave, “I think I’m good… I was just going to check out the local convenience store to see if they had a limited edition drink that was advertised…” the boy admitted, scratching the back of his fluffy, forest hair, earning a small chuckle from Ashido.
“Of course you were, nerd boy~ Ah, your fanboyism never ceases to amaze me, Midoriya!” she cheered, patting him on the shoulder before starting for the stairs, “I’m just gonna tell them that you don’t have anything better, alright?” Baby pink lips bubbled with laughter before she bounded off.
Even without the ability to see color, emerald gems should have noticed that twinkle in her eye, screaming she was up to no good, but, alas, Midoriya was just happy to be out of that awkward conversation.
It wasn’t until after the weekend had passed and they were in the middle of Hero Training that the freckled boy really regretted sharing what he thought was minimal information with Ashido- who clearly had more technical prowess than he had given her credit for.
“Why didn’t you tell me! You sap!” bubblegum curls tickled his nose the moment they were away from the crowd of students as Ashido pulled him into a headlock.
“T-tell you what? I just gave you the game plan-” Midoriya fumbled, desperately hoping that she wasn’t talking about the one thing he had tried to hide.
“Not that, silly-” they had been paired up at Aizawa’s discretion, pinned against Uraraka and Bakugou in a teamwork battle, and, just his luck, his partner had pulled him off into a shadow of the field the moment she could, “You have the hots for someone, don’t you?”
“W-w-wh-what made you think that?” vividly flushing, Midoriya waved his arms awkwardly.
Even if he was aware that Ashido’s curiosity knew no bounds, there wasn’t anything that he did over the weekend to lead her to such a bold declaration.
“Your colorblindness!” she proudly pulled him closer, “It’s Star Tears, right?” before the green bean had a chance to flail and panic over what possibly gave it away, Ashido spoke up again, “That’s why you’re always using those anti-eyedrops, right? To dry out your eyes?”
Oh. He had been so sure that no one had seen him with the small bottle that Midoriya never stopped to think about whether or not she had seen that. Recovery Girl obviously knew, and he informed Aizawa since the Pro used actual eye drops- and that was not a mix up they needed to go through. However, it never occurred to him that one of his classmates could have known.
“Well, yes, I do, but that’s not-” he fumbled, “It doesn’t-” trying to divert the topic, Midoriya peeked around the corner with a sigh, “Can we just focus on the plan for now? Kacchan and Uraraka could be anywhere by this point. I don’t see them…”
“Too bad they’re already here!” a feminine voice called out from behind him in the alleyway. It was official: they had fucked up. As amber and emerald focused on the source of the voice, footsteps sounded behind them, and Uraraka grinned, “You might not want to be attached for this one-” she warned before darting behind a corner.
Immediately, Midoriya knew what was happening. He expected to see Bakugou grinning with defiance, knowing that he had won, but, instead, his face was contorted in anger as a white hot passion released from the pulled pin of his gauntlets.
Even if the blast hadn’t been powerful enough to do that much damage- the explosion, itself, felt like a truck slamming into him, so it was clearly powerful- but a part of his body swore he felt vertigo before heat had even touched his body, knocking him to the ground as unwillful tears slipped past his eyes.
“Bakugou!” a feminine voice- Uraraka’s voice, Midoriya had identified- chastised some indefinite amount of time later.
“Relax, Pink Cheeks! I didn’t even get them that hard! Raccoon Eyes is fine-” Bakugou bit back, frustration hot on his tongue.
“Then why is he still down?” Uraraka bravely fought.
“I don’t fucking know!”
“Guys, I think he’s waking up!” Ashido cheered, shaking Midoriya’s shoulder gently.
“Ugh, what happened to the problem child this time?” Aizawa pulled up, halting abruptly as the forest haired boy sat up- his eyes more jade than emerald. The teacher seemed to be the only one who noticed the tear streaks on his cheek.
“Ugh, my head…” Midoriya groaned, clutching his pounding skull and trying his best not to give in to dizziness. He knew that he had protected Ashido from a majority of the fall, and he had hit his head on the pavement pretty hard; however, there was one thing that didn’t add up “Why is everyone so blurry?”
“Hah? I didn’t hit ya that fucking hard, Shitty Nerd!” Bakugou yelled, and, if the wetness of freckled cheeks didn’t speak volumes for what had happened, Midoriya would have claimed there was a hint of worry there.
“Bakugou!” Uraraka yelled, the pinks of her hero costume dancing fuzzily in Midoriya’s line of sight. She was clearly moving towards Bakugou, but that would have certainly caused more harm than help.
“Uraraka,” the slightly blinded boy put his hand on what he really hoped was her shoulder- the only way to tell it from anything lower was the sandwich of pale pink and steel- “Kacchan’s explosion wouldn’t have done anything like this to my vision,” he brought the other hand to tentatively touch the skin around his eyes before flashing a look towards Aizawa, “There has to be some other explanation for this…”
It was a silent plea: (It’s gotten worse.)
Thankfully, Aizawa must have understood it, even if Midoriya couldn’t make out the look on his face, seeing as he cleared his throat before announcing, “I’m sure Bakugou isn’t at fault here, but, regardless, we do need to get him to Recovery Girl.”
“I’ll take him!” Uraraka offered, holding a hand out for Midoriya to use as leverage, which he took easily, hoisting himself up to his feet.
Admittedly faltering as the world titled on its axis, red boots rushed to the ground to steady himself as Midoriya lightly squeezed Uraraka’s hand. Resisting the urge to tightly shut, jade eyes only stayed open when Aizawa spoke up, “If you’re having trouble standing, maybe you should be accompanied by someone who can hold your weight, like-” It didn’t take a genius to know his teacher was looking at Bakugou…
“I’m fine!” Midoriya jolted upright, despite his body screaming in protest, “I can walk on my own, really, teach… I just wasn’t ready-” they both knew that he was lying through his teeth, but then it seemed to hit Aizawa: Bakugou was the reason Midoriya had Star Tears to begin with…
“Fine. Uraraka, you can him, but, if he passes out, you have my permission to drag him to Recovery Girl-” Aizawa quipped, but made no further protest as the brown haired girl began to walk her friend away. He sighed and rubbed his temples before taking charge of the rest of the class, assuring Bakugou and Ashido that it was probably nothing, but even he knew that was useless.
Midoriya’s eyes were an entire shade- at least- lighter than they should have been.
Recovery Girl seemed to have the same fear as Aizawa did, quickly shooing Uraraka away and falsely assuring her that it would be okay, “It’s gotten worse, hasn’t it?” her tone was hushed, but the answer was very clear. Midoriya hiccuped, violently trying to fight back tears, but the only thing on his mind was the fact that Bakugou was falling even more out of love with him.
“I-” liquid fire pooled in his eyelids, and the stars were clear as day, “I thought we were doing well…” Midoriya couldn’t help but sob, pushing his eyes tightly together as his entire body rippled with sorrow.
“Midoriya, you really shouldn’t-” the older lady carefully led him to a free medical bed. Of course, crying was ill-advised, but what else could he do?
“I’m sorry-” he choked, echoing that phrase as more and more tears fell. Desperately trying to wipe the emotions off of his freckles, Midoriya held his breath, trying to will the rain of magma to stop, and it did… but his eyes carefully opened only to be viridian.
The glassy gems didn’t even need to see Chiyo’s face to know that she was frowning, her gasp audible now more than ever.
“I’m just-” he halted, “I’m gonna get some sleep…” the boy mumbled, rolling over and trying to fight the flames roaring inside of him, seeing as they did nothing to warm the ice coating his skin.
When dulled eyes blinked open once more, Aizawa and Recovery Girl were talking, “Chiyo, we just don’t have enough information to force his hand-” he insisted.
“You know we can’t leave this alone-” she retaliated.
“That’s not what I’m saying…”
“If he doesn’t let these emotions out, they will take his vision from him!”
The older woman rarely ever yelled, so it was clear that the situation was dire.
“What… what do you need to know?” Midoriya sounded so hopeless, completely defeated as he shuffled to a seated position, “I’ll help out as best I can…” How pathetic he must look: letting a hopeless love overtake his life- stripping everything he had, from his color, to his vision, as well as his pride and even his hopes and dreams… He might have to give up OFA.
“How long has this been going on?” Chiyo wasted no time jumping on his cooperation, “How long have you had Star Tears?”
In all honesty, “I- I don’t remember… It’s been so long,” Midoriya laughed halfheartedly, looking away. Looking back, maybe he had loved Bakugou all his life… maybe his tears were only a result of the blond growing out of his affection. Of course, he had no way of knowing, but it certainly wouldn’t surprise him.
“What was the first color you couldn’t see?” Aizawa sat down in one of the spare medical chairs, figuring if Midoriya willingly offered, who was he to refuse?
“It was orange, actually… At first, I didn’t notice it because anything with orange just looked closer to whichever primary color it was closer to…” the boy admitted sheepishly. When he had first lost orange, it was during a midnight crying session, so he kept it from his mother- even if the tears had hurt significantly more than they should have. “I didn’t even notice that I had the disease until I lost yellow-”
“When did you lose your ability to see color for good?” the healing hero spoke up again.
“Shortly before UA’s entrance exams… it was a few months before graduation…” he didn’t even need to mention the Sludge Villain incident for both adults to understand what he was talking about.
“So it was-”
Midoriya cut him off so quickly, the two flinched in tandem, “Yes.” He bit before curling up into a ball, “It just hurt- it hurt so much,” he whimpered, “Because for a second there- the entire scene was in color. I reached the edge of the crowd and we locked eyes and suddenly the sky was blue again-” wet lips stopped to hiccup again, “I saw the yellow of BackDraft’s coat, and I-” Emotion choked the boy as more tears threatened to fall, “I had hope again…”
“W-what happened?” the older woman barely whispered her question.
“I closed my eyes and ran… and, when I opened them, I saw the color draining from his eyes…” Midoriya coughed dryly, “I haven’t been able to see it since…” he let out a halfhearted laugh, looking to the ceiling, “I don’t even remember what it felt like anymore…”
All of a sudden, the boy threw his legs over the bed and chucked a pillow at the door so intensely his quirk sparked across his skin, “Go AWAY!” Midoriya yelled at what the adults saw as nothing, “I don’t want to see you!”
It was then that a voice yelled back, “You can’t see shit anyway!”
“Bakugou?” Aizawa was the first to turn around and look at the blond, sure enough, standing in the doorway still dawned in his uniform.
“Yeah, and who’s fucking fault is that?” Midoriya almost never swore, but he roared at Bakugou like a lion protecting his cubs, “I know you heard everything-” he choked out, embarrassment would have taken over his words if he hadn’t been so full to the brim with hurt and anger- of resentment and sorrow.
“You’re the one who didn’t say shit!” Bakugou retaliated, thankful that his voice held strong even when his face revealed his inner turmoil.
“Yeah, well, what the fuck was I supposed to say?” Midoriya looked up, defiance burning in his viridian eyes, “That I’m hopelessly in love with you?” crystals began to sparkle between his lids. “That I have been for years?” the boy’s voice was thin and weak. “That it stole the color from my world?” it was frail and fragile. “And now it’s taking the rest of it away from me?” it was breakable.
And just like a dam, it broke.
Midoriya fell to his knees, tears spilling over his eyes. His entire body shook with sorrow, and it clearly rattled Bakugou to his core. Scarlet gems were wide in shock, foot slightly forward and arm extended, but he was frozen in place.
In that moment, a blizzard went over the room, “Please…” Midoriya pleaded, looking up with mint green eyes, “You can hate me all you want,” he barely breathed out the words, before raising his voice, “Just go away…”
What else was Bakugou supposed to do?
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he barely mustered enough strength to speak, let alone stand up, but Midoriya did, crawling over to the bed with his foggy eyes and a mumble of, “I’m going back to sleep…”
He was defeated. His world was nothing more than grey blurs, and his eyes felt like they had been scratched out. Every bone in his body was laced with flecks of lead, and his muscles screamed when he moved. The only good thing was that exhaustion took over easily, and Midoriya didn’t have to deal with life any more.
It wasn’t until nightfall that anyone dared to disturb him. Under the stars, heavy boots were silent as they slipped through the halls. Garnet gems were on alert as blond hairs stood on end with the sheer anxiety of anticipation. However, the boy let out a sigh as he shut the infirmary door, letting the goosebumps melt into raw emotion.
Bakugou hesitated in stepping closer. After everything- all of the pain he had caused Midoriya, every wrong he had ever committed against the boy- did he even have a right to whatever warmth wormed its way into his gut… Could he afford not to?
Orange and black hit the floor as the blond’s socks touched the ground. Letting out a breath through his nose, the blond carefully moved the blanket that Recovery Girl had draped over the sleeping Midoriya. It felt sneaky and wrong, but he couldn’t think of anything better to do as Bakugou slipped into the bed.
Holding Midoriya close, the words left his lips as barely a whisper, “I don’t, fuck,” he cut himself off, tilting forest hair to get a better look at a freckled face. The boy’s eyes were puffy and read from crying, but he looked completely at peace asleep in Bakugou’s arms.
“I don’t hate you,” fully wrapping his arms around Midoriya, Bakugou let out a sigh of relief feeling the boy’s body heat, “Believe me, I’ve tried…” he admitted, shutting scarlet gems and burying his face in fluffy curls. With a long, heavy breath, the blond’s voice shook, “I’m sorry, Izuku, I’m so, so sorry…”