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Derek was laying on the ground, the sand around him darkening with the deep shade of his blood, as it seeped through all the holes in him he could no longer heal. There was a thin layer of sweat covering his contorted face, puffed breaths falling past his drying lips. It looked like he was dying. It felt like Stiles was having to watch him slowly, painfully, fade away. He yelled something out that Stiles couldn’t quite hear, completely missed because of all the blood that came with it. Peter, Malia, Liam, and everyone else scattered, leaving only Stiles, Derek and Braeden.
“ Hey, hey, save him.” Derek said, thinking that Stiles needed a little extra push, to leave him and go help Scott. Stiles tilted his head back towards the cave that everyone had run into, then looked back at Derek, who was trying so hard to give him something like a smile, but nothing was working the way it was supposed to.
“ But – who’s going to save you?” Stiles inched closer, and Derek shook his head, tried to sit a bit straighter, seem a little more together.
“ I’m fine, I’m going to be fine, I’ll be right behind you. You just – you have to hurry, Stiles, he needs you.” Stiles kept on approaching, completely disregarding Derek’s vacant words. He fell to his knees, put his hand over Derek’s, that was trying to press down on one of his bigger wounds, but wasn’t strong enough to, so Stiles did it for him. Derek released an instantaneous scream, before he bit down on his lips, tried to breathe through the blind pain.
“ You go. I’ll stay with him.” Stiles looked at Braeden, who was almost immediately standing up, prepping her weapons for battle.
“ No, Stiles, you will be more useful to him than Braeden. You’re his best friend and – you’ll be able to pull him back.”
“ Braeden, just go, please.” Braeden ran her fingers through Derek’s hair, made sure to smile at him in case he needed some reassurance, some comfort, before she ran into the cave. Stiles sat where she used to, his hand still putting pressure on Derek’s wound.
“ Why are you always so – so stubborn?”
“ Because as always, you were trying to make a call that wasn’t yours to make. And you and I both know that you’re downplaying this, so tell me, how bad is it?” Derek moved his eyes in Stiles’ general direction, then willed his head to follow, his eyes squeezing shut in devastating agony, before he pulled them opened.
“ Bad enough. I think – I don’t think I’ll make it until they get to Scott. That’s why I – wanted you to go, because I don’t want you to have to see this, and I know – I know that having something useful to do would help. You – you would feel like you saved someone, even if I – don’t make it.”
“ I would feel good about saving Scott, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel bad for not saving you. And – that will weigh on me heavier than anything else. Losing you.”
“ I’m – I’m sorry, Stiles.”
“ For getting hurt? Yeah, you should be.” Stiles spread his legs in front of him, letting Derek’s head tiredly fall against his shoulder.
“ Thank you for – for staying.” Derek coughed out, and Stiles saw the drops of blood floating around them. He knew that more of Derek’s blood was out of his body than in by now, which meant that they had maybe minutes, if they were lucky.
“ There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
“ Than with me d – dying? I could think of at least a dozen places that would be – be way better than this.” Stiles snorted, his eyes blurring with the tears he was desperately holding back.
“ Not that. But if you had to, you know, die, then I wouldn’t want you to be alone. And I wouldn’t want to not be there.”
“ Me neither.”
“ We’ve come full circle, haven’t we, sourwolf? I mean, I do remember a time when you were consistently threatening to rip my throat out, on an almost daily basis. Now, look at us, basically cuddled up in the middle of the desert. That sure is something, right?” Stiles looked down when he received no response, and Derek’s hand had completely slipped from beneath his. There were no more ragged breathing sounds, no more trembling of the figure that had fallen against him with the sheer effort it took to remain alive just a little longer. There was no more of anything. It was dead quiet. And Derek was just.. dead.
“ Derek, hey, come on, man, you didn’t even – it’s barely been a minute, and you said – you said we’d get at least a few. Please, Derek, come on, wake up, don’t die on me now, for fucks sake, Derek.” Stiles shook Derek’s chest, then moved to gently slap his face a few times, then went to pinch his leg, provoke any sort of response. His tears were falling freely now, dissolving into the pools of blood beneath them, turning them into one roaring ocean that was bad enough to drown the entirety of Mexico.
But then, the hunters were shooting and the berserkers were roaring and Stiles had to drag Derek’s body back to the van they drove in, knowing that there was no state that Derek would be in, that Stiles would decide to leave behind. He carried Derek into the back of the van, cried out when his head fell against his shoulder like they were hugging. When Derek was laid out like that, bloody and so achingly still, Stiles sat beside him, his fingers moving across his face, losing and missing and grieving all at the same time. He thought of the time he was in a similar situation, with Derek’s sister, how he’d confessed his greatest fears to her, and how now – they were threading themselves into his reality, bringing a morbid sense of truth to his nightmares, leaving him with no escape, no way out, nothing to do but to sit there and – lose. Stiles had breathed life into Cora then, when her lungs had stopped working. He wished it could have been this easy for Derek. He would have kissed him for a lifetime or two, if it meant having him back.
Stiles then found Braeden’s backup gun, saw one of the berserkers almost claw Chris alive, so he opened the van door, stood behind it like a shield, and shot as best as he could. When Chris took control of the situation, Stiles redirected his attention towards another hunter getting his ass kicked, then another. He then decided to lock the van, leave Derek inside, and help out. He had no reason to stay away anymore.
Somewhere, amidst all the chaos, Kate appeared out of the cave, but she didn’t look like herself. She had blue skin with a jaguar-like print all over it. It was unlike anything Stiles had ever seen before. She saw him right when he saw her, but she was quicker, pouncing onto him and causing him to tumble backwards. His fingers started feeling for the gun but it had skidded away, and she was right on top of him, with a threatening grin around her set of teeth, and claws so close to his pulse point, he could almost feel them, piercing through. He closed his eyes, not in fear, but in – surrender? For that one moment, Stiles was tired of fighting. Didn’t have it in him anymore. But then, Kate was thrown off him, a full-blown black wolf pinning her down. Stiles crawled backwards, stood when he felt like he could, and ran back to the van. When he opened the door, went to throw himself in, Derek wasn’t there anymore, only traces of his blood now a little more dried than when Stiles had left them. Stiles turned back around, his eyes frantic, searching and needing and fearing. The wolf’s eyes flashed blue, his fur fading into skin, as he stood on two legs instead of four. It was Derek.
Stiles fell back against the van, the ground disappearing from beneath his feet, everything tilting a little, angling awkwardly and suddenly, and Stiles was unable to take in a single breath without exhaling a cry or two with it. Derek told Kate something about evolving, stopped himself from doing any real damage, despite having the ability to, leaving her when he felt Chris nearing, needing to handle this himself. Stiles was in awe of him. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to control himself, given everything.
Derek’s eyes fell on Stiles, his eyebrows furrowed as if distressed, worried. Stiles looked down upon his hands and they were shaking, one of them clutched around his heart. He hadn’t realized he’d fallen into a panic attack, until Derek was standing right there, arms around him when he started collapsing, sliding against the van, losing feeling in his limbs, not feeling the scratches the bumper caused in his back, because everything was hurting much worse.
“ Hey, hey, I’ve got you, you’re okay, Stiles.”
“ You were – how are you – fuck, I can’t breathe.”
“ I don’t know how or why this happened, but, I am okay. I feel stronger now, like something inside me opened up. So just – here, follow this, you can do it, come on.” Derek took one of Stiles’ hands, put it on his chest right around his steady heartbeat, as he made a point to inhale and exhale loudly, to hopefully give Stiles something else to listen to. Stiles’ eyes squeezed shut, trying to focus his senses on Derek, although everything was feeling haphazard and fuzzy and out of his control. Eventually though, without really meaning to, Stiles’ heartbeat synced up with Derek’s, and he started to come out of the panic attack, and truly take in the feel of Derek’s hands around his, his chest firm and present, his breath slow but louder than it usually would be. Stiles slowly, carefully, opened his eyes, and Derek was right there, butt-naked and deviously handsome and so worried-looking. Stiles wrapped around him so suddenly, so fiercely, Derek – with all his strength and power – staggered backwards before regaining his balance, holding Stiles back, and breathing him in.
“ Fuck, don’t ever do that again, Derek. This one was just – too fucking close. I can’t do this again.”
“ I didn’t exactly plan on this happening. I mean, I really thought I was dying. It felt like I was. And when I – you know, had my head on your shoulders, for a minute there, it felt like I did die. Like I let out my final breath. But then I woke up in the van, and all my senses were amplified and as soon as I smelled Kate around you, I just – turned.” Stiles pulled away, allowed his eyes a few seconds to absorb the reassurance of Derek being alive and well again, before he stood, grounded by Derek in case he was still weak all over.
“ I need to check on Scott. You can look through the bags in the van, see if there’s something for you to wear.”
“ Are you sure you don’t need me to come with you?”
“ Will you?” Stiles was hopeful, not quite ready to let Derek out of his sight, but knowing how pathetic that would be to admit. Derek smiled, put a single finger in the air as if telling Stiles to hold on a minute, before he climbed into the back of the van to rummage through the backpacks, until he found something that smelled like Stiles, put it on, despite it looking like it could tear around his much larger figure. He then jumped out, took a step or two towards the cave, before slowly, tilting his head backwards because Stiles was still standing by the van, looking like he was about to come apart. Derek sighed, walked back to him, and took his hands. All he had to do was tug, before Stiles was crashing into him again, his head rested against his chest like it was too heavy for him to carry all by himself.
“ What can I do?” Derek helplessly asked, his arms circled around Stiles, their bodies swaying ever so slightly.
“ You don’t have to do anything.” Stiles snorted, because Derek had died, come back to life, and come face to face with the woman who had taken everything from him all on the same day. He shouldn’t be worrying about what else to give to other people. Stiles nodded to himself, as if preparing for the detach, before he pulled away, smiled reassuringly at Derek. He started walking towards the cave, Derek easily keeping up. Neither of them calling out their clasped hands.
Scott was beating the hell out of Peter. Stiles wondered what he’d missed. He checked in with Malia, Liam, and Kira. They were okay, for the most part, although they all had a few cuts and bruises that hadn’t healed yet. Braeden appeared soon after, looking like she’d gone through some shit. She looked at Stiles like she couldn’t bring herself to ask about Derek, but then she saw him, and her eyes widened so much, it was almost comical to see her so caught off guard for once. Derek gave her a grateful nod, and that was just that.
When Peter was down, Scott stood over him, rough, loud breaths falling past his lips. He then turned towards them, taking notice of all the injuries he’d caused as a berserker, guilt immediately settling across his features. Stiles was the first to step in, pulling him into his embrace, patting his back comfortably. Then it was Liam, followed by a kiss from Kira, and a ruffle to the hair from Malia.
“ Derek, it was Kate. I tried to – “
“ I know. It’s been dealt with.”
“ It has? How?”
“ That’s a long story. If everyone is good here, then we need to move. Chris probably still needs help out there.”
“ Chris?” Scott’s eyebrows furrowed, as they all started unwrapping from around him, following Derek down the hallway that leads to the exit.
“ We have a lot to catch you up on.” Stiles chuckled, and when Scott smiled back at him, he sped ahead, walking next to Derek, with barely any distance between them. Stiles’ shoulder sometimes brushed against Derek’s, and every time, he’d receive a side-look and a hint of a smile.
When they made it outside, they stood in line, taking everything in. The sun had come up, the fight had ended, and they had all made it out alive. They’d come to Mexico on a suicide mission, and they would get to go home, live and love and look back upon this for years to come. Braeden was by her car, collecting her things, making sure she had all her weapons with her. Derek followed after her, and they stood there, talking amongst themselves, before she laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. She got into the driver’s seat after Chris had announced the all-clear, and Stiles jogged towards Derek, who was still by Braeden’s car, as if waiting for something. Waiting for him.
“ You okay?” Stiles asked. Derek’s eyes were casted downwards, he couldn’t get a read on him.
“ I’m fine.” Derek nodded, sighed.
“ Okay, so, do you want to ride in the front or the back?”
“ I can’t.”
“ Can’t what? You’ll ride with Braeden?” Derek gave another silent nod.
“ That’s fine. We’ll see you back home then?”
“ No, Stiles. You won’t.” When Stiles inhaled, it came unwilling, heavy.
“ I don’t understand. What’s going on? Why aren’t you looking at me, Derek?” Derek squeezed his eyes shut, rubbed his hands down his face, before letting them drop beside him again.
“ I am not going back to Beacon Hills.” Something lumped in Stiles’ throat. He could barely swallow around it.
“ Why not?”
“ I can’t. I have to go, figure this shit out. I am not an alpha anymore, and there’s this full wolf thing. It’s just – a lot. And I can’t bring all of this back to Beacon Hills.” Stiles blinked a few times, unsure of what he’d heard, or of its meaning, waiting for Derek to just take it all back.
“ Okay, so you’ll be gone for a few weeks until you’ve got this under control then you’ll come back, right?” Derek shook his head, his eyes finally meeting Stiles’, like he wanted to watch as he tore his world apart.
“ A few months?”
“ No, Stiles. I – I’m not sure I can ever come back.”
“ You’re leaving? For good?” Derek’s eyes started feeling – and looking – damp, as he brought his elbow up, wiping his face down just in case. Stiles’ figure started trembling again, swaying, until Derek wrapped around him, right before he fell away.
“ I’m sorry. I have to go, Stiles, but – fuck, I’m so sorry.” Stiles couldn’t bring himself to hold back, because he didn’t think he’d be able to let go. And all Derek seemed to need from him was that.
The pack approached when they sensed the heaviness of the situation, smelled Stiles’ misery, saw the devastation on Derek’s face over Stiles’ shoulder. Derek had to pull away, cleared his throat and willed himself to keep it together, as Scott asked about what was happening, and Derek had to deliver the news again. Everyone started throwing in suggestions, alternative options, but Derek knew that none of them would work. They knew it too. They had to, because they hugged Derek extra hard, before circling around Stiles, and kindly guiding him away.
“ I’ll come with you.” Stiles got out of the tight grasps around him, ran back to Braeden’s car that Derek had just gotten into.
“ What? Stiles – “
“ I’m not going to let you leave like that, Derek. But if you have to, then, take me with you.”
“ Beacon Hills is your home, Stiles. You have school there, friends and family. Your dad is the sheriff of the fucking town. I can’t just let you leave everything you’ve ever known for me.”
“ Dad is a few years away from retirement, we can talk him into coming to wherever we would be then. Hell, I can come home, if I start missing him too much.”
“ I can’t promise you that this would be a possibility. What if you can’t?”
“ Then I won’t. Derek, I know what it’s like to not have you around. And I hate it. I hate it more than anything. And if you leave now, I’ll spend the rest of my life worrying myself sick over it. I’ll drive myself mad thinking of your whereabouts, and your wellbeing, and whatever the fuck you’re doing with your life and who you found to spend it with. And I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be without you, okay? Please, don’t leave me. What more do you want? I’m basically begging here, and – “ Derek immediately shook his head, got his upper half out of the car window, and took Stiles’ face in his palms. He kissed him, because Stiles was a proud man, and for him to crack himself so wide open for Derek, to put it all out there, meant the world to Derek. Made him feel valuable and important again. Reminded him that he had a home and he had people and he had a place in the world that only he could fill.
“ Let’s take the van.” Derek opened the car door, waved at Braeden and thanked her, before taking Stiles’ hand and walking back to their pack.
“ We’ll drive back with you to Beacon Hills, because I need to check on Cora, and Stiles needs to see the sheriff. Then, we’ll pack up and take the camaro and leave. Stiles and I.” Scott looked solemn, as he nodded in understanding. Stiles detangled himself from Derek, hugged his best friend, who sighed against him, putting his nose into his shoulder, before holding back, twice as hard.
Kira ended up driving the van, with Malia next to her, and the rest of them in the back, because Scott was having trouble detaching from Stiles. Derek just couldn’t look away. He couldn’t quite believe that Stiles was his now. That he was willing to do all of this, just to be with him. When they got to Beacon Hills, they dropped Derek and Malia off at the loft, and the rest of them went to the Stilinskis. Stiles sat his dad down, told him everything that happened in Mexico, then eased his way into the decision that he’d reached with Derek. The sheriff’s eyes widened momentarily, before his face fell in defeat. It was the saddest thing Stiles had seen on his dad, since his mom died. He got up, went on his knees in front of his dad, and waited with his hands against his knees, until his dad leaned forward, hugged his son to him and tried not to feel like it would be for the last time.
“ I love you, dad.”
“ I love you too. How long do I have you for?”
“ Probably a couple of hours. I still need to pack though.”
“ Alright, lets go to your room and get started.”
“ You have a shift, dad.”
“ Doesn’t matter. There’s always going to be a shift to get to. I just want to spend as much time as possible with you.” Stiles nodded, let the sheriff pull him into a side hug, as if leaning against him. Or carrying Stiles’ weight for him. He couldn’t really tell. Kira announced that she was going to get Melissa and come back, because she still had no idea what happened to Scott, and also, she would probably give them a whooping if she found out that Stiles left without saying goodbye to her. Scott kissed her quickly, before following Stiles and the sheriff upstairs.
Stiles started on his outer-wear, the sheriff on underwear and socks, while Scott went into the bathroom for the toiletries. It was quiet, tense, like something was in the air that they couldn’t breathe in or breathe around. When the sheriff found Stiles’ old spiderman boxers, that he’d worn throughout the entirety of middle school, he broke, ugly sounds rocking through him, as Stiles sat beside him, pulled him into his arms like he was cradling a child. Stiles cried into him too, missing his dad before even leaving him, feeling like he was losing him, losing so many constants that he’d built his life around, had known so familiarly, had never pictured life without. Scott didn’t come out of the bathroom, but when their own crying sounds died down, he could clearly follow his sniffles, the sobs he was choking before they formed an audible sound.
Stiles had a moment then, of hesitation. A blip of uncertainty, that sent him down a spiral of doubt and fear and regret, but then Derek texted him that he was outside whenever he was ready, and when he looked out his window, Derek was standing outside his camaro, conversing with Melissa and Kira, before Melissa pulled him into an unsuspected hug, seemingly thanking him, or telling him that he could always come back home, that he’d always belong with them. Derek closed his eyes around the feel of it all, as if remembering, all he’d lost, all he’d be now leaving behind. Kira gave him a weak wave, before the front door was opened, and Melissa was climbing up the stairs to Stiles’ room. She saw him first, hugged him and cried. Which in turn, made the sheriff start crying again. And when Scott heard his mother’s voice, he came out of the bathroom, shampoo bottles in hand and tears on his face. It was a mess. Everybody was crying and holding and losing. They were huddled up together, with Stiles in the middle of all those limbs and chests of people he’d loved so much for so long. Then, when everyone released him, Scott was left holding on, begging his best friend to call as frequently as possible, especially if they were ever met with any trouble. He would come, to wherever they were, in a heartbeat. Stiles already knew that, but it was nice to hear. Nice to know that he wouldn’t necessarily be losing the reassurance of them all, just because he was leaving the place that had always connected them.
“ Take care of dad. You gotta promise me, he can’t be left alone for long. He will drive himself up a wall, I know him. Make sure he’s taking his meds and eating healthy, Scott.”
“ Of course. You don’t need to tell me. We’ve got him.” Scott promised, leaning against his mom, who nodded along. The sheriff wrapped an arm around Stiles’ neck, pulled him backwards until the sheriff’s chest was against Stiles’ back. He left a wet, sloppy kiss against his cheek, held him so tight, Stiles felt like he couldn’t breathe all the way. Then he let go, and Stiles turned for a proper hug that the sheriff gave. He wiped his face down, grabbed one of Stiles’ bags, and walked down the stairs. Scott carried the other, let Melissa latch onto Stiles, as they all followed the sheriff out to Derek’s car. They put the bags in the backseat, took turns hugging Derek and Stiles, before they leaned against one another, and walked back into the house. The sheriff lingered a little, taking his time with closing the front door.
When Stiles looked away from his family home, the sun was hitting Derek’s face just right, bringing a glow to his eyes that Stiles had never seen before. Any uncertainty or worry faded away, when Derek smiled at him, leaned in to peck his lips.
“ Are you sure about this? You know you don’t have to.” Derek whispered against Stiles’ mouth, their heads rested against each other.
“ I’m sure. I want to come with you.”
“ I’m trying really hard to be selfish about this. So, I won’t fight you over it anymore. Just know, that if you ever get any second thoughts, or if this becomes something you don’t want to do anymore, then – we’ll figure something out to get you out of it.” Stiles nodded, knowing, believing, trusting. He closed his eyes, trying to take this moment for what it was; pure bliss. Then, Derek went in for another kiss, before lifting his head, looking down at Stiles with something like love in his eyes, and Stiles lit up, standing on his tiptoes and kissing him some more, just because he could. Derek laughed into his mouth and Stiles couldn’t believe he’d almost lost all of this only a few hours ago.
“ Ready?” Derek questioned, squinting his eyes against the sunlight. Stiles exhaled, looked back at the house one more time, before nodding. He got into the car, started messing with the radio before Derek could call him out for it. Derek got some sunglasses out of the glove compartment, handed Stiles one and put on the other, before starting the engine and driving away.
Stiles opened the car window, let the warm air hit his face, breathing in the sense of freedom, of lightness. In that moment, everything felt certain, peaceful. Stiles knew exactly who he was, who he was risking it all for, why they were doing what they were doing. He knew they would be okay. He felt like nothing could ever take that away from him. He had everything.