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Jeremy was shaking. His hands, his body, his legs, everything. Not that he’d ever admit that to Mike, though. The sound of Mike’s voice was dull and incomprehensible. The only thing he could truly hear and feel was his heart thumping in his chest and his shaky breathing. When he felt a hand on his shoulder he practically jumped out of his skin with fear.
“Jere- Jesus, Fuck, what the hell is wrong with you?”
It had been a particularly hard night, with one too many close calls, Bonnie hovering too close at the door, and Foxy swiping a little too close to his face.
“Ye-Yeah, I-I just-”
Jeremy felt more of his blood run cold and more chills fall over him. Breathing became incredibly hard, and he felt every breath completely lodged in his throat. Tears were forming behind his eyes, as he tried to push them back.
“Jere?”
Mike’s eyes darted around Jeremy’s body, noticing every shake and quickness of breath. He could notice all the signs of a panic attack, and he knew Jeremy had talked about them before, but in all honesty, he never considered himself good at comfort.
“N-No-No, I’m fi-fine,” Jeremy replied, pushing himself up from his chair and wobbling out of the office towards the back room. The world was spinning for Jeremy, and he felt as if he had no control over what his limbs were doing, as he tried to take off his nametag. Mike followed behind and decided to clock both of them out while putting his own stuff away. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Jeremy hadn’t moved from his spot and was still trying to undo his nametag five minutes later. Mike always tried to keep his serious stone-cold side on during work, but he couldn’t seem to muster it when Jeremy was so distraught. He walked over and gently moved the clammy hands off of the piece of metal, undoing it himself.
“We need to get you home,”
Mike really couldn’t hide the concern lacing his face, and in the moment the only thing he cared about was Jeremy. The brunette opened his mouth to try and speak, but no words were able to come out. The pair walked slowly out of the backroom and towards the front entrance, Mike acting as a barrier to Jeremy to not see the robots, as he didn't want to trigger anything further. They were halfway through the building when Jeremy tumbled forward, barely catching himself on his already wobbling legs. Mike reached out to steady his body, before deciding to gesture his arm. Jeremy looked back, confused, but still in a state of disarray.
“Grab my arm, dumbass,”
Jeremy gently wrapped his fingers around Mike’s upper arm, and that seemed to solve the problem of falling and not staying steady. The cool fall air bit the pair’s skin as Mike tried to guide Jeremy to his car. Once inside, Jeremy tried to stare at the dashboard and steady his breathing, but when he glanced up he got a view of the restaurant’s sign. His heart started palpitating again, and he felt clammy and nauseous.
What the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never had panic attacks here before,
Fuck why can’t I breathe? Please, please just breathe! I-
Mike noticed the panic and tried to leave the area as fast as humanly possible in a car.
They were at their second red light and Mike noticed how Jeremy’s hands were digging into the sides of his seat, trying to get a grip on reality. His mind raced, trying to think of some way to comfort him.
Oh my god, it’s not that fucking hard just hold his hand,
Rolling his eyes he reached his hand over the center console and felt his soul leave his body when Jeremy tried to give him any kind of small smile and shakily grabbed his hand. Mike’s eyes refocused on the road and tried to ignore his own heart beating a little too fast for comfort.
At a particularly sharp turn, Jeremy’s breath was caught in his throat again, and his shaking became more vigorous again. The feeling of not being in reality and dissociation set in as he-
Snapping him back towards reality, he felt Mike’s thumb gently rub over the side of his hand. Although Jeremy was in too much of a state of distress to fully grasp that his closest friend and the longtime crush was holding his hand, he felt some sort of grounding in reality. If you asked Mike whether he did it on purpose, he’d scoff and say it was his subconscious.
Mike opened the car door and walked the brunette to his door, the sun not risen yet. He kept his grasp on the shorter’s hand as he guided him up the steps to his Mom’s condo. When they got to the door, Jeremy froze again, clinging onto Mike’s hand harder, and feeling the tightening in his chest start up again. Mike knew from his own fucked up experience that there were waves with panic attacks, some people have extensive long times between and others being short and single bursts. He assumed Jeremy was somewhere in the middle. Quickly, he grabbed the brunette’s other hand gently and leaned closer.
“Can you do something for me?”
Between the sharp intakes of breath and swallowing, Jeremy mustered a nod. Mike felt genuinely useless, and kind of like an asshole for not knowing how to treat him better, but he tried the best thing he could.
“What are five things you can see?”
It was hard to see or focus on anything clearly through his tears, but Jeremy tried his best to speak.
“Yo-You, th-the doo-door, the ground-ground-”
He cut himself off by sharply inhaling and panting again. Mike took a step closer and squeezed his hands, waiting for him to continue.
“The wa-wall behind yo-you, and the-the sidewalk-walk,”
“Good, what about four things you can touch?”
Jeremy took in another deep breath and squeezed Mike’s hands.
“Your ha-ha-hands,”
He moved a clammy hand to Mike’s arm.
“Yo-Your arm,”
He moved his other hand to Mike’s shoulder.
“Your sho-shoulder,”
Jeremy leaned forward onto his chest at a sudden jolt and burst of shakes, causing his whole body to tense up. Instinctively, Mike wrapped his arms around him, easing small circles into his back. It truly pained him to see someone he held so close in such distress.
“Yo-Your ches-chest,” He whispered, taking in lungfuls of Mike's smell. It was always calming to him, for longer than he could remember.
“Perfect. What about three things you can hear?”
Jeremy didn’t respond trying to take in the ambiance sounds. He felt the steady pace of Mike’s heart, which was unbeknownst to Jeremy beating way faster than it normally was.
“Yo-Your heartbeat,”
Mike felt his face flush ever so slightly, as Jeremy continued trying to talk.
“Your voi-voice and cri-crickets,”
Mike gently rested his head on Jeremy’s and had to physically restrain himself from kissing the top of his head and trying to will away the anxiety.
“Great. Can you do two things you can smell?”
Mike felt tears hit his shirt and the shaking resurge. In response, he held him tighter and whispered again.
“Doll?”
“You-You,”
There was another pause, and neither said anything. Mike began to sway the two ever so gently and hummed for another response. Jeremy shook his head with his ear still pressed against Mike’s chest.
“Ju-Just you,”
Jeremy truthfully didn’t want to think of anything else except feeling wrapped both in Mike’s arms and seemingly his unzipped security jacket, too. Gulping, Mike spoke again.
“Last one, Doll. One thing you can taste?”
Through more shaky breathes, Jeremy somehow let out a wheezed laugh.
“Pro-Probably my te-tea-tears through your shi-shirt,”
Mike smiled, realizing he had to let Jeremy go now, and couldn’t hold him forever.
“Good,”
Another pause of Jeremy sinking into the embrace trying to calm down, which Mike did mostly help with.
“You need to go inside, Jere,”
Mike pulled away, painstakingly albeit, but kept his hand on the brunette’s upper arm, using the other to open the door. As Jeremy shakily left the embrace and stepped inside. He turned around before Mike could walk away, tears refilling his eyes and panic set in again. The same nausea surfaced as he watched Mike walk away. Frantically, he clumsily walked back onto the porch.
“Wa-Wait! Plea-Please-” He cut himself off again by his breath getting lodged in his throat, and his legs almost giving out under him. Mike turned around at the call and looked to see what he needed.
“Can-Can you stay?”
Mike walked forward, opening his mouth to give some bullshit response to not be vulnerable, but couldn’t form the words.
“Please?”
Mike felt his insides melt and die at the sight of Jeremy begging him to stay but also so broken that he physically ached for him.
“If I walk through that door your Mom will murder me,”
“Win-Window?”
Jeremy lay face upon his bed, and couldn't help the feelings of anxiety that Mike had just left. The fears washed away at the sound of a body climbing through his open window. He tumbled into the room in the least graceful way possible, gripping his head and muttering a few curses under his breath. He threw his bag on the ground and laid down face up next to him. Jeremy felt his breath immediately calm down but his other symptoms only persisted. Taking a leap of faith so he would actually be able to calm down, he broke the silence.
“Can you-you ho-hold me?”
Mike stared at the ceiling and felt his face want to heat up. Before Jeremy could start to overthink and take it back, he rolled over and loosely wrapped his arms around his waist spooning him. The pair both eased into the hold and felt finally calm. Jeremy’s stability didn’t cease, though, and his body remained shaky and his breathing still erratic.
After a few minutes, Jeremy felt chills run over his body multiple times, trying to sink closer to Mike to feel warm. Half asleep, Mike mumbled into Jeremy’s ear.
“You’re cold,”
He lazily sat up and quickly took off his jacket, slipping Jeremy’s arms into it and resuming his hold. The brunette’s face heated up again and turned to face Mike in their grasp. It took a few seconds to realize that he was finally safe enough to cry; He didn’t need to suppress and hold in his fears. Hot tears trailed down Jeremy’s cheeks as he dug his face further into Mike’s chest, the arms at his waist tightening firmly acting as a safeguard from the world. Jeremy let everything cease around him, and all his walls crumble. Just being so open and vulnerable in someone’s arms. And not just anyone, Mike’s arms. After the end of his panic attack faded away, both fell asleep entangled in one another, satisfied with just being.
By the time Jeremy woke up, he no longer had strong arms wrapped around his waist. He did still have a warm night guard jacket on his torso with ‘MIKE’ sewn on the right chest pocket. And, a note was next to him, half-crumpled and in usual chicken scratch writing.
keep the jacket i have others. sorry i left while you were asleep, i didnt want to intrude. don’t forget morning shift tomorrow. im picking you up at eight.
-what other guys are leaving notes on your bed?
Jeremy laughed at the last part, holding the note to his chest and staring at his ceiling. He took a deep inhale of the much-too-large-jacket-on-him’s scent.
God, I’m so fucking lucky ,
He glanced at the note again, re-reading it, and feeling his face heat up.
If only he knew,