Chapter Text
He had just kissed Melinda May. He had wanted to do that ever since they first became friends at the academy, but at no point had he ever thought she wanted the same. She was so, so out of his league; to him, she was everything that was perfect and right in the world, her cracks only making her stronger, whilst he could only be described as... broken
But she had told him she loved him. Albeit in anger, and he wanted to punch himself for making her hurt in any way, shape, or form. But she loved him and he hadn’t been able to stop the smile that had grown on his lips after the shock faded. He wasn’t stupid, his stupid crush that had become so much more than just a silly schoolchild infatuation, it was reciprocated.
He had felt the connection between them for years. It was unmistakable and even Daisy had picked up on it, teasing him. But it was just friendship from her, he had told himself. They had each other’s backs; they could almost read each other’s minds and he hadn’t wanted to ruin that by even attempting to address his feelings. That would just be stupid, and he would rather just have her as his best friend, his partner in crime, than not have her at all.
But that kiss, that confession, they changed everything. It had been everything he had ever imagined and more. He knew how well they fit together, after having carried her when she had been injured in a mission, having been the only person she would let hug her after Bahrain, when she was so broken. But it was a different kind of fit, when they kissed. It was like that cliche moment where time stopped. They were in their bubble and it just felt... right.
But they hadn’t had a chance to talk about it. They had just... run and now, he was nervous. What if she had just kissed him because they were about to die? What if her confession of love had just been as a friend. She could be angry, had he taken advantage? Had he crossed some unspoken boundary?
That was why he paced back and forth through the kitchen of the Zephyr that night after the mission, unable to sleep. He had intended to get a warm drink, try to steady himself but his non-prosthetic hand was shaking too much to safely pour the kettle. He didn’t trust his prosthetic when he was like this, unfocused.
After a moment he let out a low curse, walking back over to the kettle and picking it up again. He spilt hot water over his hand and jumped, putting it down and just standing there, angry at himself.
Melinda May’s head was spinning. The past couple of weeks have been nothing but full of drama. She was still trying to get her head around the fact that Coulson, the person she trusted and loved more than anything in the world, was dying. He was dying and he kept it from them for all that time in the future. She was mad at him for not telling them sooner. FitzSimmons could have helped him.
She was angry at herself for not telling him about her feelings towards him sooner. She loved him ever since the day they met at the Academy. She had nicknamed him ‘dork’ back then and to this day he was still a dork but he was her dork, the dork she had loved for over 30 years.
She was caught off guard when he kissed her behind his shield, the sounds of the enemies all around them fading away. She wasn’t expecting him to kiss her but she enjoyed it and it certainly did shut her up. It shut her up so much that she hardly spoke to him for the remainder of the day after returning to the Zephyr. She shut herself off from everyone and sat in her bunk, her head swimming with thoughts about her and Phil.
She decided she needed some green tea to try calm herself. She made her way to the kitchen but stopped at the door upon seeing Coulson. She watched him for a moment. He seemed as flustered as she was. Her eyes widened slightly when he spilt hot water over his hand. “Here. Let me help you,” she spoke, turning on the cold water tap. She took his hand and placed it under the water to cool it.
He was such a klutz. His hand burned but he barely even noticed it, embarrassment flooding through him. He was lucky that he wasn’t actually holding the kettle when he noticed Melinda enter the room, because he would have ended up dropping it and probably burning himself further.
It was like he had gone back in time. He couldn’t help but feel like the stupid kid he had been at the Academy, who embarrassed himself in every interaction with Melinda, their previous ease gone out of the window as he scrambled for what to say to her. That was awful because he didn’t have enough time to honestly think about it. Their time was limited, nothing could change that, and so he needed to get through this so that their conversations weren’t left like this.
When he saw her standing there, his breath caught in his throat. He couldn’t help it, he was worried about her. She had withdrawn when they got back, and they hadn’t had the chance to talk, to de stress from the mission like they normally would. And even despite the obvious preoccupation he could read in her eyes, she still made every nerve ending in his body reach out of her; he just wanted to be close to her and make sure she was okay.
When she touched his hand his heart jumped out of his thoughts and he pulled it away as a reflex for a second, then realised. Now she would think that he was mad at her.
He met her gaze from a moment. He wanted to hug her, but it was Melinda May, that often wouldn’t be appreciated normally, and after everything, he didn’t want to overstep again. “C- Can I hug you...?” He asked, his voice tentative.
Melinda and Phil had been very different people when they met at the Academy. She was in Operations;, he was in Communications. They only ended up meeting when she accidentally bumped into him while she was out on a long run one evening. They didn’t get to see each other much after that but after every interaction they had it only made her feelings for him become more real.
She stayed silent as she kept his hand under the water, hoping it was helping his hand cool down. The burn didn’t look too bad. It didn’t bother her when he pulled his hand away. She could sense that he was nervous and embarrassed, just like in the Academy his cheeks were slightly redder. They were older now but it was sort of cute that the way he was around her didn’t change that much.
She looked at him, waiting to see if he would say anything. Did he just ask if he could hug her? Usually she didn’t like when people hugged her but for Phil she would make an exception. She nodded her head softly, opening her arms to him.
When Melinda consented to him hugging her it was a weight off of his shoulders. He had been worried that she would be angry with him; he honestly didn’t know how to act. But he just wrapped his arms around the smaller frame of the woman before him and held her. They stood for a few moments, and he let out a long breath. There was nowhere in the world he would rather be.
Despite the contented feel of that moment, they had to discuss it. What had happened on the confederacy ship was the elephant in the room and it was clearly bothering them both. He knew Melinda well enough to be able to tell when a situation was on her mind, and he also knew that she would be unlikely to start the conversation. He was far more talkative than she was. So, standing close like that, he spoke softly into her ear.
“Melinda Qiaolian May,” he started softly, voice slipping over the syllables of the name she had spent time teaching him how to pronounce. “I have been in love with you for the majority of our lives. But I never wanted to say anything, I value our relationship too much. I shouldn’t have kissed you before, it was too forward and - and if you’re angry I’ll understand. It doesn’t have to change anything-“ He was rambling now and he stepped back from her, catching both her hands in his, avoiding her gaze.
Melinda wasn’t much of a talker. She preferred to communicate through looks. Over the years Phil had gotten used to her looks so when he talked to her he knew exactly what she was saying by the look she gave. She rolled her eyes slightly as his voice slipped over her name. She had to admit though, her middle name could be tricky to pronounce.
She listened to him ramble on and on, waiting for the right moment to shut him up. She looked up at him when he stepped back, pulling him back to place a kiss on his lips. “I’m not angry about the kiss. I actually enjoyed it... very much.” She began. “I’ve been in love with you since we first met. I didn’t know how to tell you because of how good our friendship became. I just needed you to know before you...” She added, cutting herself off. In that explanation alone she probably spoke more words than she had spoken in the whole of last year.
Phil’s cheeks coloured slightly as she laughed at him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get that right, and he wished he could. It was yet another reason why he didn’t deserve the amazing woman that was Melinda QIAOLIAN May. He couldn’t even get that right.
Then all his thoughts were stolen away as she kissed him. His heart literally skipped a beat and his arms instinctively rose to wrap around her waist, holding her close. He kissed her back, trying to pour everything that words couldn’t say into that one kiss.
Hopefully this meant he hadn’t done this completely wrong, even if he couldn’t at all believe this was happening, in any way, shape, or form. When they pulled apart he held her close, forehead to hers like in a cheesy romcom. She might not like cheesy stuff but he wouldn’t deny loving it - and if the small smile she gave him was any giveaway, he hoped she at least found it endearing on him.
He couldn’t actually believe his own ears when she spoke her next words. Melinda May had been in love with him as long as he had been in love with her. “Melinda May, I love you so much...” he said softly, holding her close. He didn’t acknowledge the reference to his impending death with anything more than a flicker of his eyes but it made his heart sink.
Of course they couldn’t just be happy. That would have to be ruined. “I’ll love you as long as I live, Mel,” he said softly. “That might not be all that long, but I promise you that.” He let out a bitter chuckle. For a moment he had forgotten but their reality was now crashing down on him.
May couldn’t help but let a smile spread across her features. When he held her forehead to his it felt like one of those cheesy romcom movies but she had to admit she liked it. It was nice being this close to Phil.
He loved her. Phil Coulson loved her. She couldn’t believe that after all the years they’ve known each other they were only admitting their feelings to each other now.
They didn’t know how long they would have to be together but she was sure they would make every moment count. She didn’t want to mention his impending death, not wanting to ruin the nice mood but it was something they couldn’t ignore. She didn’t allow herself to think much about his death, just like when she didn’t want to talk about when he was asking him to shoot him if he became as bad as Garrett when the whole writing the alien language happened.
She let out a small chuckle at his comment, reverting her gaze to the floor. It hurt to think about how they didn’t have much time left to be together, to be happy together.
Phil wrapped his arms around her tighter, basking in this moment. Whilst they didn’t have very long, he knew he didn’t want to waste a second of it feeling sad, that was for sure.
But that was inevitable. They couldn’t ignore the fact that their time was limited. If it were up to him, he would spent forever with Melinda May; they would get to grow old together in a little cottage. But that wasn’t the life they led and that chance had been stolen from them. He was lucky, he supposed. He didn’t know how he would cope if he had been the one left behind.
But then, he was worried. Melinda was strong, and he hoped she would be okay. But there was a part of him that felt guilty. Whilst he was incredibly happy to be with Melinda, he knew he was making it worse when he was gone, by making their relationship even closer.
“Melinda,” he said softly. “I wish I had so much more time with you...” His eyes watered slightly but he blinked it back, bringing a hand up to stroke along the side of her cheek as he met her gaze. “But will you spend -“ His voice cracked softly, both out of nerves as the idea of what he was asking hit him and the sorrow in his heart combined, and he swallowed softly. “Will you spend what time I have left with me? I wanted to - to go to Tahiti. It’s where this all started and I just... it feels right. But it wouldn’t feel right without you there, you’re my whole life. So... would you join me?”
Melinda didn’t want to allow herself to get upset in front of Phil. It would only make him feel sorry for her, feeling bad for having to leave her behind and that was the last thing he needed, to be worrying about her instead of himself. He was more important right now. She would need to be strong for him. There was no need to begin grieving for him already. They still had time, right?
She looked up at him when he spoke, blinking away any tears that were threatening to show. ‘Be strong for him.’ she kept repeating to herself in her head.
Tahiti. That sounded nice, a place where they could spend the time he had left together. A place where they could try and feel like normal people, a normal couple for once. Her eyes continued to gaze up at him as she nodded her head. “Of course I will Phil,” she agreed, a soft chuckle leaving her lips. “I’m sure it will be magical.”