Work Text:
Darling Matty and his Dearest Foggy were going out for the evening.
It was date night.
The little hellraiser couldn't come with them after last time, and everyone else that would usually babysit were occupied.
Mike was delighted.
Uncle-Nephew time it was.
The Fogster was less delighted.
Little Jackie was stoked.
Foggy gave Mike a list as long as his arm about what to and not to do, which a lesser man would've been offended by.
"Don't you trust me?" asked Mike, wearing his most trustworthy face. It worked at least 40% of the time.
Foggy gave him a blank stare. "No."
It never worked on Foggy.
Mike was trying to formulate his response when Jackie appeared and demanded attention from his Papa.
Mike wasn't jealous. Pfft. Not one bit.
Mike's first task as babysitter was dunking the rules list in the trash.
He scrunched it into a ball and threw it.
It missed by a half meter.
Jackie giggled.
"So, kiddo," said Mike, flipping through the channels on the TV. He had adopted his Cool Uncle Pose, which was much the same as his I'm The Better, Cooler Twin pose, but without the flirting. "What do you do for fun around here?"
Kiddo shrugged.
"Cat got your tongue?"
"We don't have a cat," he said quietly. Jackie had the biggest, brownest, roundest, most earnest eyes possible. Mike only melted slightly.
"Do you want one?" asked Mike, only dying inside a little.
Kiddo shrugged again.
They were going on a field trip.
Mike explained the importance of this field trip to Jackie, who nodded very seriously and went to get his coat.
They had gotten 12 steps out of the door before Jackie remembered his shoes.
Mike was delighted by his nephews shoes.
They lit up all different colours when he stomped his feet. They were awesome. He wondered if they made them in his size.
Mike asked Jackie his opinion on matching with his favourite uncle.
"Uncle Theo's my favourite," said Jackie.
Mike tried very hard not to make his heartbreak audible, but it was a herculean task that Mike didn't have the time nor effort for. "Theo?" he asked incredulously, "Seriously? Kiddo, I feel betrayed, how could you?"
"You're my second favourite," said Jackie, like this was supposed to be comforting.
Fuck you, Theo Nelson. What do you have that Mike doesn't?
The fieldtrip started by getting stopped by Spider-Man, who wanted to know what the fuck Mike was doing.
Mike told him to watch his language around the impressionable youths.
Spider-Man sighed.
Jackie told him they were looking for a cat.
Spider-Man perked up and went to assemble the crew.
Mike wasn't sure that two people qualified as a crew.
The Smaller Spider-Man told him it didn't matter, and then tried to arrange a playdate between Jackie and his little sister. Mike put a reminder on his phone to tell Matty he'd be kidnapping his son on Tuesday at 4 o'clock.
Jackie said they could be a crew if they wanted to and Mike knew better than try to defy that logic.
"Hey, look, I think I found one," said the Smaller Spider-Man. Mike decided to call him Itsy. Jackie found this hilarious and began to sing Itsy-bitsy Spider under his breath. Mike, obviously, joined him.
The alley was shrouded in darkness. Mike instinctively gathered Jackie closer to him. He also couldn't see a damn thing, so momentarily abandoned his sunglasses for his bare baby blues. He squinted.
Itsy reached his hand out to the cat.
It hissed.
Itsy's cat was definitely a raccoon. He'd also definitely gotten bit.
It was probably fine.
Mike asked of he had his shots anyway and received a glare for his efforts.
"This has been fun," announced Spider-Man, three failed attempts later, "but we've still gotta patrol."
The Spider-Men departed by giving Jackie lots of hugs and promises to see him again soon. Jackie was an astute businessman and made them pinky promise this before going anywhere.
Mike was impressed and bought him an ice pop from a bodega. It was lemon flavoured, which was Jackie's favourite. Mike got orange flavour at Jackie's insistence.
Lemon was Matty's favourite too.
Aww, the kid takes after his old man. Adorable.
As soon as they stepped out into the street, Mike heard a meow.
Jackie grinned and tugged his hand until they were in an alleyway next to an apartment building a block over.
The biggest, gingerest cat Mike had ever seen sat on the fire escape.
It meowed again.
Mike grinned.
Cat acquired.
"HEY! WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?"
Cat unacquired.
Pick up child.
Flee.
They regrouped at Mike's apartment.
Kiddo asked if he had a colouring book.
He didn't.
He also didn't have any colors. Only fabric pens. They were more important, usually.
But he knew who probably did.
Kelly was his upstairs neighbour.
She was mostly quiet and made nice brownies. She went to a Zumba class on Tuesdays with a bunch of other middle aged women that she had bullied Mike into going too. She was brilliant.
Mike had quilted her a baby blanket when she'd had her kid, Milo, a couple years back. They had coffee together sometimes and bitched about their other neighbours.
She hadn't been expecting company, but delighted in it anyway, and asked if they wanted some cookies.
They obviously did. It had been an interesting night.
Jackie explained their interesting night through a mouthful of cookies. Mike wondered if his darling brother had ever taught his child any manners.
Kelly hmph'd and then said she'd be right back.
Mike thought this was needlessly ominous and started looking for the nearest exit.
Jackie wasn't fond of this outcome either and asked Mike if he knew how to make cookies.
Mike only knew how to make burnt cookies. This wasn't a favorable response.
Uncle Theo, the Bastard, could make great cookies.
Mike added 'learn how to bake' to the list of things he needed to do to crush Theo Nelson.
Jackie asked if he could have another cookie.
Mike was of the opinion that Jackie could have whatever he wanted, ever, no exceptions.
Jackie took two cookies.
Kelly appeared holding a tiny, fluffy, white kitten.
Jackie stared at it in awe.
It meowed a tiny meow. The kid looked like he'd just about died on the spot.
"Wanna hold it?" asked Kelly.
Mike had never before heard someone say yes so fast.
They caught a cab home with a cat carrier, some cat food and the happiest kid ever.
Jackie kept peeking into the carrier to make sure that it was there every couple of seconds.
The cat meowed and tried to stick it's paw through the bars. Jackie carefully stroked the paw and told it they'd be home soon.
Matt and Foggy came home an hour later to an excited kid playing with a kitten.
Matty immediately edged away from his husband to pet the fluffball.
Foggy sighed, in a way that said 'Why? Why didn't we just pay for a babysitter?'
Jackie introduced him to his new companion in a way that said 'Uncle Mike's awesome and my favourite babysitter ever,' in not quite as many words.
Jackie declared that Mike was his coolest Uncle, and that he was never giving George up ever.
Mike was so proud.
Foggy was less proud.
He pointed out that Daddy was allergic to cats, so they really couldn't keep one in the house.
Matt said he'd just take a tonne of antihistamines.
Foggy ignored this. "But, kid, I'm sure if you asked really nicely, Uncle Mike would be happy to keep it."
Oho, Nelson. Genius. One problem with that, though--
"Would you really?" asked Jackie. His eyes were all big and adorable and heart-melting again. Mike turned into a puddle.
"Sure, kiddo. Of course. Anything for my favourite nephew."
"I'm your only nephew."
Yeah.
Yeah, kid, you sure are.