Chapter Text
Prologue
Death doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints,
it takes and it takes and it takes, and we keep living anyway
History obliterates, in every picture it paints
It paints me and all my mistakes
I survived, but I paid for it
Now I'm the villain in your history
- Lin-Manuel Miranda
There is a dragon that lives inside Anakin Skywalker. A wrathful, vengeful, and vicious dragon. Like the mythical sun-dragons that eat at the core of Tatooine’s twin suns, this one feeds on his very soul, on his greatest fears, and his greatest weaknesses. It whispers to him during cold lonely nights, and like a coiling serpent it spills venom all over his heart. This was no friendly dragon – it was a cold, dead one, kept alive by his fears and insecurities. It reminds him of memories he thought he had long forgotten. Memories of a grim, but not unhappy, childhood - one his Jedi Masters have urged him to distance himself from. Memories of a tiny shelter he had once called home and of his insignificant existence in an insignificant world in the Outer Rim. A Toydarian Master, a protocol droid he had recovered and repaired for his mother to be the newest addition to their family of two, had been long forgotten. A fateful encounter with a tall, long haired man, a blundering Gungan, and a beautiful and spirited young girl he had mistaken for an Angel, his victory as the first human to ever win a Podrace; it all seemed like a lifetime ago.
No, it didn’t matter that the man had been dead soon after, it didn’t matter that he would never see the girl again - a new life was awaiting him. And for that he would have to leave the only person he had in the galaxy: his mother. Everything has a price and this one cost something very dear to him.
There is no emotion, there is peace
He writhes in excruciating pain as the med droids attach grotesque prosthetic limbs to his damaged nerve endings. The children at the temple look at him differently. They whisper behind his back. They know he’s a former slave and they ostracize him for it. He is not one of them and they let him know it. They taunt him in his dreams too. He doesn’t have any friends, not really. He takes part in illegal pit races to fill his time. The thrill helps him feel liberated. Whenever he races, he feels a sense of individuality. He feels like he’s not part of the order, of anything really. Racing breaks his chains; it makes him feel free. His heartbeat is slowly diminishing like the last light of day.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge
He knows his Master means well. Obi-Wan Kenobi is the paragon of every Jedi knight. Anakin truly is thankful to be his apprentice. He is Anakin’s father and his brother, and he is also his best friend. Anakin knows in his heart of hearts that Obi wan truly wishes him well, and strives to guide him to be a Jedi the Council would be proud of. And yet, the dragon whispers the only reason Obi-Wan trained him was because of a promise he had made to a dying man. Obi-Wan has been raised by the order his whole life and he is loyal to the order above everything else. He hadn’t been particularly pleased when Qui-Gon took him in, who knows if he ever truly owned Anakin? Did Anakin really have anyone in this galaxy looking out for him? Could he really trust anyone?
There is no passion, there is serenity
He has the same dream again. Somewhere out there his mother is in agony. He left her so long ago it feels like a different lifetime. One day to his sorrow he discovers he has forgotten his mother’s features. Then he sees her in his nightmares as real as the day he left her eleven years ago. Every single one of his visions had come true, and he knew this one would come true as well. He is certain his mother would die an agonizing death. Obi-Wan tells him that dreams pass in time. Master Yoda tells him not to mourn for people, to rejoice for those who join with the living Force. Chancellor Palpatine says only the Jedi can make such bold and dispassionate declarations. For what is life without passion? He disobeys his mandate. He abandons his post while his Master is off capturing General Grievous at Utapau. He rushes back to Tatooine. His old Master Watto says he sold her to a moisture farmer named Lars. He barely pays attention to the Lars, first he must rescue his mother from those animals that call themselves the Tusken Raiders. He finds her tortured and injured beyond repair. He tells her to hold on; he knows he can save her. Coruscant has the best medical facility in the galaxy. Of course, they can save her.
The sand people must have attempted to stop him. For insatiable rage has taken over him, and he sees red. He lashes out at anyone in his way, and his blade slashes back and forth in a blur. Unbridled fury has taken over him; this is the fury he has suppressed all his life. And now, he feels free. He feels powerful, and he feels a different surge of the energy rushing through his veins. A thousand voices speak in his mind through the Force, voices of all the Jedi that has ever lived, all speaking to him in one voice, imploring him to show mercy and be calm. He pays no heed to the impaled bodies or their silent pleas as he carefully lifts his injured mother into his arms.
Would he make a different choice if he was given a second chance? he wonders. No, Anakin believes in fate. His destiny was written in the stars and he would make the same choices in all possible contingencies. He could never let go of the people he cared about. He is no Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he is certainly no Grand Master Yoda. He is Anakin Skywalker, a former slave from Tatooine and the son of Shmi Skywalker. It had cost him everything in the end, and he did everything he felt that was justified without remorse. Doesn’t that make him a monster? Does that make him as vile and selfish as the Sith? He disagrees. It makes him human.
There is no chaos, there is harmony
They tell him they can’t save her. She’s far too gone, far too broken. Anakin cannot let go of the only person he has left in the galaxy. In her delirious state, she tells him how proud she is of him and that he was the best thing in her life. He cannot fail his mother. Palpatine whispers in his ear that the Sith could prevent their loved ones from dying. Isn’t that what he has always wanted? The dragon in his chest purrs in agreement.
The Jedi council doesn’t trust him. They push him over to the edge, and give him orders. Like a slave in chains. He would break free of those chains. He knows Palpatine is a Sith Lord. He hands him over to the council as it is his duty. His mother passes away alone in the medical center. He wonders if it is the Jedi’s fault. Yes, it must have been. Master Yoda was wrong. He feels no joy, no calmness as his Master would feel. He feels pure rage for the Jedi. How dare they take away everything he loved? His saber slices off Mace Windu’s hand, and Palpatine does the rest. He pledges himself to Palpatine; he had been right all along. He massacres the Jedi temple and the Separatist base. He does not think these actions make him evil, he only wishes to restore order and structure to the galaxy. The Clone Wars has been raging for far too long; he only seeks to put an end to this galactic conflict. His Master finds him on Mustafar. Anakin truly wishes to let him escape for old times’ sake. But Obi-Wan is far too loyal to the order. He does what he feels is his duty, and Anakin ignites his lightsaber against the man who taught him to wield it - and brother turns against brother.
Anakin knows he’s more powerful than the other Jedi, and he has the power of the dark side. Obi-Wan had never been that strong with the Force, and his Jedi attributes make him weak. Anakin knows he’s the stronger of the two. Then how come it’s him lying among the smoke and ashes with his limbs severed and being consumed by the ever burning Mustafar fire?
Night has fallen on the galactic city of Coruscant, and its perpetual shadowy darkness envelops all sentient species. His new Master is kind and the dark side is forgiving. It forgives him for his fall from grace. It forgives him for his selfishness. He in turn embraces it. His hatred for the Jedi keeps him alive. The surgery is complete. His heightened senses must be due to the sensors the med droids inserted in that helmet, for his eardrums had been damaged beyond repair. He can detect the faintest sounds; he can hear his heart thumping just a little louder. But it isn’t really hearing. He feels as if he’s drowning in the endless sea, and he is lost because the sensors are registering a medley of sounds, and they threaten to make him lose his sanity. The light burns his severely damaged eyes. His scorched eyes struggle to see the world around him, through the optical sensors of this alien helmet they put on his face but all he can see is red. The world is a bleeding red, and it’s as red as his rage.
“Lord Vader, can you hear me?” asks a hooded figure immersed in the shadows. His new Master.
He slowly turns his head to face him. The movement is excruciating, and unnatural. Just like him. His jointed limbs look ungainly, unnatural and inhuman. Some might call it monstrous. This is what he has become, and every choice he has ever made has led him to this very moment.
“Yes, my Master” says a voice that does not belong to him. He understands. From now on the intricate machinery in this suit would pump his blood, would speak for him and would regulate his breathing. He is a slave to this gilded cage his Master put him in to keep him alive, just as he has been a slave all his life. The rage can never be tamed, and he doesn’t wish to tame it. Monitors on his chest panel beep, indicating an increase in carbon dioxide levels. He realizes he has been holding his breath. The suit would always ensure that he is alive, and he can no longer control his heartbeat or his breathing. And Darth Vader takes his first breath.
There is no death, there is the Force