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23rd of the Red Wolf Moon, Imperial Year 1180
The Giant Wolf was advancing quickly. The bridge was still up and the merchants were cornered and weary from fighting. Ferdinand von Aegir knew that the situation was dire, and he did not intend on letting innocent people die.
Professor Byleth had selected him for this mission and had put Ferdinand directly in her group with Ignatz Victor. The Professor had also chosen Dorothea Arnault (which Ferdinand was quite thankful for) and Marianne von Edmund. As they advanced on the Alliance Soliders guarded the bridge, Marianne surprisingly took the lead and casted the Physic spell, healing one of the more seriously injured merchants across the canal. Ferdinand was briefly moved by her selflessness, but then had to occupy himself with fighting the enemy soldiers.
This was not particularly a position he had expected himself to be in when he first started at the Academy—having left the Black Eagles House and thrown his lot in with Professor Byleth and the Blue Lions, doing missions for the Blue Lions alongside classmates formally of the Black Eagles and Golden Deer. It would be hard to maintain his Adrestian influence when he had turned his back on the House represented by the Empire.
But this is the choice I have made with my life, and I can only look forward.
The Giant Wolf roared—it was getting ready for a massive attack. If allowed, the attack would most likely kill the merchants. Ferdinand abandoned his fight with the Alliance Soliders and ran towards the bridge. To his shock, the bridge fell with just one shove of his shoulder. It made a thunderous slam when it impacted the ground, but it otherwise looked stable. “Hurry!” Ferdinand shouted.
The merchants obliged, but Ferdinand cursed as the merchant with the gravest injuries (the one Marianne had casted a healing spell on) took two steps towards the bridge and collapsed to his knees. The Giant Wolf roared and turned, and Ferdinand realized that it was going to attack the merchant and raced across the bridge. He grabbed the man by his arm and haul him up, shoving him across the bridge. The man stumbled into Byleth’s waiting arms, but he saw the Professor’s face twist in alarm and Ferdinand quickly turned around.
He realized too late that he was still within range of the Great Wolf. The massive tail swung and struck him in the torso. Ferdinand both felt and heard the crack of his ribs breaking and he flew backwards and slammed into one of the bridge’s support beam. He thought it heard a scream—maybe more than one—but it sounded muffled in his ears.
”Guh,” Ferdinand said quietly before he coughed hard. Blood spilled from his mouth and stained down his breastplate. He stared down at it in a daze, as though he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Oh. That is quite unfortunate...
A glow fell over him and he felt a surge of power throughout his body. Ferdinand knew that he had been healed, and he was relieved that the spell came to him quickly before the shock in his body wore off and he felt the full brunt of the pain. He tried to stand, but the pain came to him anyway and he abruptly sat back down. Of course. It will certainly take more than one healing spell to save my life...
The Giant Wolf wasn’t quite done with him though, and Ferdinand looked up in time to see the Demonic Beast raised its claws high over him. A flash of white light quickly struck the Wolf, and it roared in pain. An arrow embedded itself into its neck, and then suddenly he couldn’t see the Wolf anymore. Dorothea was standing in front of him and she raised her hands as she shouted, “Thunder!” And fired a spell at the Beast.
Even in his wounded state, Ferdinand was deliriously overjoyed. Dorothea...she’s saved me twice! She threw that light spell to keep the Beast at bay, and now she’s shielding me from the Beast! I knew she cared about me!
A hand touched his shoulder and he looked up. Marianne leaned over him, her face sullen but concerned, and Ferdinand found himself instantly relaxing. “Please, drink this.” She held an open vial of Concoction in her other hand and she helped him drink the vial. “Make sure not to waste a drop.” Her voice was tired and quiet, and Ferdinand felt his strength returning to him with the powerful potion. Once he was finished she slowly stood up and raised her hand. “Heal.”
The healing spell didn’t fully heal Ferdinand, but he was able to breathe in the aftermath. Byleth finished off the Giant Wolf and rushed over to help him stand up. “Are you all right?”
“I’ll live Teacher, don’t worry about me,” Ferdinand said, forcing a smile. “We should help the merchants escape.”
”Ignatz just finished evacuating them,” Byleth told him. At that moment Ignatz raced across the bridge towards them. “All of the merchants made it to safety!”
Byleth nodded and managed a small smile. “We have to hurry and meet up with Raphael’s group. Marianne, would you mind keeping an eye on Ferdinand while we advance?”
”I—” Marianne began.
“Do not worry about me,” Ferdinand interrupted gently. “I was careless and it will not happen again. I don’t want Marianne wasting all of her healing spells on me.” He raised his lance but looked at everyone in the group. “Thank you all for saving my life.”
Dorothea rolled her eyes at him. “The next you’re that careless Ferdie, I won’t bother.”
But Ferdinand couldn’t stop smiling as they raced to catch up with Raphael’s group.
1st of the Ethereal Moon
“I have great news for you, Ferdinand.” Professor Manuela Casagranda positively smiled at him as she took as seat in front of him. “Your ribs are fully healed, and I cannot detect any internal bruising. You’ve certainly heeded my medical advice and refrained from physical activity. I hereby clear you from your medical absence.”
Ferdinand nodded with relief. “I am very pleased to hear that. Because I was still injured, I could not assist the Blue Lions with the Remire Calamity. I deeply regret that there was nothing that I could do to help them. This experience will certainly help me to refrain from being so reckless.”
There was a knock at the Infirmary door. “Come in!” Manuela called out cheerfully.
Professor Byleth entered the room and she smiled when she saw Ferdinand. “How are you feeling?”
”Better now that I’ve been cleared from my medical absence,” Ferdinand told her. “I did not make the best impression on my first mission with the Blue Lions, but I don’t intend on making that mistake again.”
”’Did not make the best impression’?” Byleth echoed, her expression confused. “Ferdinand, you shielded an injured civilian against an attack from a Demonic Beast. You saved that man’s life! The only thing I wasn’t impressed with was how careless you were with your own well-being, but you definitely didn’t let anyone down in that battle!”
Ferdinand was moved by her speech and stood up. “Thank you, my Teacher. Would you like to join me for tea? I would like to repay you for saving my life.”
Byleth waved a hand and shook her head. “Protecting you is part of my job description. You don’t need to repay me for doing my job.”
”But I—”
“If you insist on repaying me, then take better care of yourself,” Byleth insisted.
“I love both of your company, but the last thing I need today is to get another lecture from Seteth about being idle on the job,” Manuela said as she started shooing them out of the Infirmary. “I’ll see you both later.”
In the hallway, Ferdinand turned to Byleth. “I understand that you do not want payment, but I must insist on treating you. What is your favorite tea?”
Byleth thought about it for a moment. “I really like—”
”Professor.”
Ferdinand and Byleth turned to see Lorenz Hellman Gloucester rounding the corner towards them. He had deep stress lines in his face. “Lorenz, are you all right?” Ferdinand asked him.
Lorenz shook his head and looked at Byleth. “May I speak with you, Professor? There is something that is deeply troubling me.”
”Yes, of course,” Byleth said. She looked towards Ferdinand. “Please ex—”
”I do not mind if Ferdinand is present,” Lorenz reassured her. “He may be able to provide some constructive input as well.”
”I’d be happy to help,” Ferdinand said.
”Let’s go into my father’s office,” Byleth said, directing them towards Jeralt’s Office. She let them go in first and closed the door behind them. Ferdinand took a seat on the couch but Lorenz started pacing. Byleth stood in front of Jeralt’s desk. “How can I help you?”
”I heard about your mission last week,” Lorenz said tersely. He rubbed a hand through his hair. “And I had heard some...troubling information about the circumstances of the murder of Raphael’s parents.”
”...Ah,” Byleth said at length. “The rumor that Lord Gloucester was responsible.”
”Yes—my father.” Lorenz scoffed and he looked at her. “Father of course has denied any involvement in what happened, but I cannot deny that the circumstances of that incident were disproportionately advantageous to House Gloucester. Especially since Claude’s uncle, the former Duke, was killed in that same attack. This is something that has weighed heavily on my mind. Raphael and his sister were made orphans in that attack. The lives of countless people forever impacted by that attack.”
”But we do not know if your father is responsible for that attack,” Ferdinand pointed out. “Unless there is irrefutable evidence, it is only speculation. And even if there is irrefutable evidence, your father’s actions do not represent you, Lorenz.”
”But as you know Ferdinand, it is the duty of the nobility to see to the welfare of the common folk! Subjecting hard-working common folk to the political machinations of the nobility is not seeing to their welfare! But I do not know how to make this situation right! I have apologized to Raphael for what happened to his family, and have offered him monetary compensation for his hardships, but he will not accept my apology! Nor will he accept money from me! I do not know how I can make this right!”
”That...does sound difficult,” Byleth said gravely. “Raphael wouldn’t accept your apology though because he does believe that the rumors regarding Lord Gloucester’s involvement in the massacre are just rumors. Because of this, that’s probably why he won’t accept money from you.”
”But I must do something, Professor! I cannot allow that tragedy to become a faded memory! And if my father was responsible for that massacre, then as the heir to House Gloucester it is my duty to right that wrong!” He pressed a hand to his face. “But I do not know how to make it right with the people who have suffered from this! Especially since it has been three years since this tragedy has happened, and there has been no resolution to finding the responsible parties, and no compensation to the families affected!
Ferdinand thought about this for a long moment before he stood up. “You cannot change the past Lorenz, but you can change the future. If you’re seeking to compensate not only Raphael’s family, but also the families of others who died in that attack, why not petition to the Duke of the Alliance? Speak to Claude, and see if he can talk to his grandfather about compensating the families. Like...maybe waive the taxes of the families affected? Raphael and his sister run an inn, do they not? I am certain Raphael would be pleased to not have to pay taxes on his business moving forward.”
Lorenz thought about this for a long moment before he slowly nodded. “I dread going to Claude to ask him for any favors, but I am certain he would agree with me about waving the taxes of the families who lost loved ones that day. Since he lost his uncle that day, I am certain he will be sympathetic to the suggestion.”
”Claude would definitely be on board with this idea,” Byleth agreed. “Why don’t you go and try talking to him now? I think he’s on the first floor.”
Lorenz nodded but he sighed painfully. “I believe Claude will take too much pleasure from seeing me grovel for a favor...but it seems that I have no other recourse. Thank you for this suggestion, Ferdinand.”
Ferdinand shrugged. “Anytime.”
Once Lorenz departed Ferdinand turned to Byleth. “Teacher, after having that conversation I must insist on repaying you for saving my life. And I intend on repaying the others in our group because they all individually saved my life.”
“Well...all right,” Byleth conceded. “I’ll be happy to have tea with you. That will be payment enough for me. As for Ignatz, Dorothea, and Marianne, I’m sure they would appreciate receiving presents from you as thanks.”
”Yes, of course,” Ferdinand said earnestly. “And I would be open to suggestions for gifts to get my classmates. Like, what would be the perfect gift for Dorothea?”
“Dorothea loves music sheet, and I believe she also loves roses.”
”I will most definitely get Dorothea music sheet and a bouquet of roses,” Ferdinand said when they entered the hallway. “She saved my life twice, after all. What should I get for Ignatz and Marianne?”
“Ignatz loves painting supplies and goddess figurines,” Byleth told him. “And Marianne loves flowers and stuffed bears.”
Ferdinand nodded with conviction. “Thank you for you help with this. Would you like to have tea now? What is your favorite tea?”
“I don’t really have a favorite tea,” Byleth admitted. “But I’ve really started to like Chamomile tea.”
Ferdinand smiled at her. “You have excellent taste as expected, Teacher.”
After having tea with Byleth, Ferdinand set off for the Marketplace to buy gifts for Dorothea, Ignatz, and Marianne. For Ignatz he bought large canvas and new paint brushes. For Marianne he bought an adorably large stuffed bear. And of course for Dorothea he got book of sheet music, but then he stopped by the Greenhouse and asked the gardener for assistance in putting together a beautiful bouquet of roses. She was glad to assist him with tying it with white ribbons, and he was quite pleased with himself when he saw the gifts.
I know that they will all enjoy them.
Ferdinand gave Ignatz his gifts first, and though Ignatz insisted that he hadn’t needed to repay him for saving his life he was very appreciative of the new supplies. Hilda began hounding him to paint a portrait of her though, and Ferdinand quickly took his leave.
He had intended on finding Marianne next to give her the stuffed bear so that he could give Dorothea her gifts last, but after leaving the Classrooms he unexpectedly ran into Dorothea in the garden. “Oh, hello Ferdie,” she greeted him, though her voice was chipped. “You seem to be looking much better.”
”I am much better,” Ferdinand confirmed. “And you are just the person I was looking for, Dorothea.”
”Oh really?” She looked down at the bouquet of roses in his arms and the book of music sheet he held in one hand. She abruptly made a face, which caused Ferdinand’s heart to sink. “Ever the charmer, aren’t you Ferdie? Trying to win me over with gifts? You must think that I’m a simple woman to swoon so easily.”
”No, it is not like that,” Ferdinand said gently. He tried to keep the pain from his tone but he wasn’t quite successful. “Now that I have made a full recovery, I am showing appreciation to everyone who saved my life.” He handed her the book of music sheet. “Thank you, Dorothea.”
She looked at the book in silence, and Ferdinand could read in her expression that she was impressed against her will. He took that as an encouraging sign and presented her the bouquet. Dorothea did briefly look delighted at the bouquet, but then she made a face again. “You’re still trying to win me over, aren’t you Ferdie?”
”N-No,” Ferdinand stammered. “I was just—”
”The act of saving your life was no different than the times I saved the lives of our other comrades,” Dorothea said matter-of-factly. “If you’ll recall, I’ve saved you before when we were still in the Black Eagles House. How was my saving your life this time any different than previously?”
This wasn’t going the way Ferdinand had intended (or wanted) it to go. He smiled at her painfully. “I apologize for offending you, Dorothea, and I thank you most heartily for saving my life. That was my only intention with these gifts, I swear it.”
”Well...thank you, Ferdie,” Dorothea said. She buried her face into the bouquet and inhaled. She hummed with satisfaction, which lifted Ferdinand’s spirits considerably. “It’s hard to refuse roses, especially roses that look this beautiful.”
They’re not as beautiful as you, Ferdinand thought, but he deliberately kept that to himself because he knew saying it out loud would just upset her again. “I am pleased that you like them.”
She looked up but paused for a moment. “That’s a cute stuffed toy. That’s more Marianne’s style than Ignatz’s, right?”
”Yes, it is,” Ferdinand said, hugging the toy in his arms. “I’ve already given my gift of thanks to Ignatz. I will be looking for Marianne after we are done here.”
”I hope you plan on gifting her more than just that teddy. Especially after she saved your life no less than three times.”
”Three times?” Ferdinand echoed in confusion. He rubbed at his hair awkwardly. “Ah...yes, you are correct. She casted two healing spells on me—”
”And she shot a spell at the Giant Wolf before it could rip you apart with its claws,” Dorothea said, gesturing to him.
”A spell?” Ferdinand’s brow furrowed in confusion. “T...That was Marianne? I thought you had fired that spell, Dorothea!”
”That was a Nosferatu spell,” Dorothea supplied. “People with affinity for Faith, like Marianne, learn the Nosferatu spell. People like me, who have an affinity for Reason, do not learn that spell. She healed you with a distant Physic spell, then she attacked the Demonic Beast with Nosferatu. Then she casted Heal on you when she reached your side. Do you not remember this, Ferdie?”
Ferdinand looked down at the stuffed teddy he was hugging to his chest. Marianne, she...she went to such great lengths to save my life! I accredited Dorothea with doing more than the others had, but it was Marianne who had done the most! Oh...I am now very relieved that I did not find Marianne first, but I feel like a terrible cad for disregarding everything that she has done for me!
”If you gave me two gifts on the belief that I saved your life twice,” Dorothea said quietly. “Then you owe Marianne three gifts.”
”I will most certainly get her three gifts,” Ferdinand said, though he felt terrible. “Teacher said that she loved flowers.”
”Hilda is her closest friend, so she would know what Marianne’s favorite flower is. She might also be able to give you further advice on what else Marianne might like.”
Ferdinand nodded and forced a smile at Dorothea. “Thank you for the information you have given me. I didn’t realize how thoughtless I was.”
”Well, better late than never.” But she smiled sincerely at him. “Good luck, Ferdie. I haven’t spoken to Marianne much, but she seems like the type of girl that she would panic if you overwhelm her with too many gifts at once.”
”Fear not,” Ferdinand said with a confidence that he wasn’t entirely feeling. “I have had a few conversations with Marianne and so I have an idea of how to approach her properly.”
Ferdinand went back to the Golden Deer classroom to look for Hilda, but Ignatz told him that she had gone down to the Greenhouse. Ferdinand felt awkward about going back down there and facing the gardener to ask for help on another bouquet, but he knew that he only had himself to blame for being so thoughtless.
When he arrived back at the Greenhouse however, he saw that the building was empty except for Hilda. He was surprised to see her on her knees pulling up weeds around a batch of flowers. He approached her from behind, about to say her name, when he saw her bend forward over the flowers. A feeling of discomfort settled in his chest when he saw her shoulders shake ever so slightly. He saw droplets fall from her face and hit the white petals beneath her.
Ah. This is still very difficult for her.
Ferdinand had not personally witnessed it or heard it personally, but after lecture the day Hilda joined the Blue Lions Lorenz joined him for tea red in the face with rage. He described to Ferdinand with heated words and heavy breaths of how he’d heard Claude screaming at Hilda from inside his room the previous evening. Lorenz didn’t tell him what Claude had said to Hilda, but it was clear that Lorenz had overheard Claude breaking up with Hilda. And that he did not do so kindly.
Ferdinand reached into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief, but Hilda was quickly wiping at her face as she stood up. She looked startled to see Ferdinand as she turned around, but he didn’t see a single tears lingering on her cheeks. “Oh, hello again Ferdinand. Since you’ve gone out of your way to hand out presents today, why don’t you get me a present?”
”...I apologize if I have made you feel left out,” Ferdinand said slowly. “However, for today I am bestowing gifts on the people who saved my life on my last mission. I have given gifts to Ignatz, Dorothea, and Professor Byleth, and Marianne is the last person I need to give a gift to.”
”Ooh, Marianne?” Hilda suddenly gushed. She rushed forward and grabbed his arm. “Let me help you! Oh, that stuffed teddy is for her isn’t it? She’ll love that! A-And she needs a new handkerchief! The merchants are selling handkerchiefs today that have such a pleasant scent!”
”That’s good,” Ferdinand said, nodding. “Teacher also said she likes flowers.”
”She absolutely does!” Hilda returned to the flowers she had been tending to and swept a hand over them. “Lily of the valley. These are her favorite flowers. I was growing them because, well, I had the seeds for them, but I’ll let you have them.”
”Why tha—”
”However,” Hilda interrupted sternly. “I’m planning on skipping lecture tomorrow. If I give you these flowers, and help you with the bouquet, you will distract the Professor so that she doesn’t notice I’m there.”
”Hilda, I cannot participate in truancy!” Ferdinand protested. “Such behavior is beneath me!”
”Well, I guess you don’t want these flowers then.”
”Hilda, that is quite unfair!”
“Not really. I’m doing you a huge favor with helping you woo Marianne, so you should be able to cover for me as a small favor.”
”I am not trying to—” Ferdinand waved an impatient hand. “Very well. I will vouch for you with Professor Byleth tomorrow. May I please have those flowers now?”
Hilda smiled. “Of course.”
Less than a half-hour later, Ferdinand was holding a massive bouquet of lilies of the valley, wrapped in a light blue pleasantly scented handkerchief. Hilda was laughing quite heartily as she presented him the bouquet, which Ferdinand did not understand why, until he walked past the Marketplace and heard Anna call out to him. “Ferdinand! That looks like a wedding bouquet!”
But he dealt with the momentary embarrassment as he ascended the stairs towards the Stables. He had gotten conflicting reports on Marianne’s whereabouts; either the Stables or the Cathedral. As the Stables were closer by he decided to stop by there first. He prayed to the goddess though that she was there. He did not know if he could carry such a bouquet all the way to the Cathedral, while people watched him and gossiped speculatively.
To his immense relief, he did in fact see Marianne at the Stables. She was speaking to Dorte and stroking his nose, and the horse was receptive to her petting. He slow his steps though and took the moment to formulate the words he would say to her in his mind. In the past when he spoke to her it was always (at least he thought so) complimentary. But Marianne always responded to his compliments with destitution and self-deprivation. It was not behavior he was used to, and he was quite unsure of what the right thing he should say to her.
”The conditions? Those will never change. There's nothing to do but give up! Please, just leave! Ignore me!”
Well, I must give her these presents and not overwhelm her. I must then not overwhelm her with my words.
“Thank you for spending the day with me, Dorte,” Marianne said to the horse. “I’m sorry to have troubled you by taking you for a ride for so long...”
Here goes nothing. Ferdinand stopped two meters behind her and steadied his voice. “Hello, Marianne.”
Marianne flinched ever so slightly, but did not immediately turn around. She cupped Dorte’s cheeks and hid her face in the bridge of his nose. “H...Hello,” she said, her voice so low that he almost didn’t hear her.
”I do not mean to disturb you, and I will not take up much of your time,” Ferdinand said, keeping his voice calm and gentle. ”But I wanted to see you, Marianne. I wanted to let you know that I’ve made a full recovery, and have been cleared from my medical absence.”
”That...That is good.” She was still faced away from him. Ferdinand felt awkward standing there, holding a bouquet of flowers and a stuffed teddy and she was otherwise not acknowledging his presence.
”So...the reason that I’m here,” Ferdinand mustered on. “I wanted to thank you, for saving my life. I wanted to thank everyone who saved my life. So, I have bestowed gifts upon my saviors as my gesture of thanks. Teacher, Ignatz, Dorothea...and you.”
Marianne didn’t say anything, but to Ferdinand’s relief she finally, slowly turned around to face him. She went still when she saw the large bouquet he was holding, and though her head was slightly tilted forward and her blue bangs were in her face...Ferdinand saw a glint of alarm in her brown eyes.
”You saved my life,” he assured her. “Three times. You saved me with healing spells, and you saved me with an offense attack against the Giant Wolf. I appreciate the lengths you went to keep me safe. I cannot properly express in words how much this means to me—but I hope these gifts will help convey my gratitude.”
Panic still flickered in her expression, but she didn’t run away from him (which Ferdinand took as an encouraging sign). Her eyes remained on the bouquet in his arms. After a few moments she reached for it, fingertips grazing the petals. “Lillies of the valley,” she murmured.
”Yes, your favorite flower,” Ferdinand said. “Hilda told me so.”
Marianne looked up at him. “H...Hilda told you?”
”Yes, she did. She created this bouquet as well. I hope you enjoy them.”
“I...” Marianne’s eyes dropped back down to the bouquet. After a few moments she moved closer, her arms outstretched. “Thank you, Ferdinand. I-I don’t believe that I deserve this kindness, but thank you.”
”Of course you deserve this,” Ferdinand protested, carefully placing the bouquet in her arms. “You saved my life, after all. And.” He held up the stuffed teddy. “This for you as well.”
Marianne blushed when she saw the stuffed toy and Ferdinand unexpectedly felt his heart skip a beat. What a wonderful reaction. He held out the stuffed teddy to her and she accepted it with one hand. “...Thank you,” she said again. “And...I-I’m happy that you are still alive.”
”What a coincidence; so am I. I am glad we are in agreement.” He held his hands up though as he started walking backwards away from her. “I will leave you be now. Have a good rest of the day.” He turned to walk away.
”Ferdinand?”
He stopped in his tracks. Marianne had said his name so suddenly that he was certain that it was impulsive. He turned around and saw that she looked alarmed, confirming his suspicions. Just relax. You’ve done well so far and have not upset her. Just keep it up and everything will be all right. “Yes, Marianne?”
”I...” he could tell she was having difficulty holding the bouquet and the stuffed teddy, so he rushed over and took the teddy from her. With her nod of encouragement he set the toy on top of a barrel. “I was...wondering something,” she said quietly.
”What is it?”
”...Why...” her eyes darted away. “Why did you...leave the Black Eagles House?”
Ferdinand stiffened, and slowly straightened up. It wasn’t the first time someone had asked him this, and it was difficult to put his reasoning into words. It made him feel guilty, but he gave her the answer he had given other people. “I had wanted to carve my own path.”
”Your own path?”
”Yes. I came to realize that so much of my destiny had been dictated by other people. I began to question whether my ambitions were actually my ambitions, or the ambitions of my father. I felt that I would not find the answers I was looking for if I stayed where I was, and so I decided to leave. As for my choice in choosing the Blue Lions over Golden Deer...” he shrugged stiffly. “I had faith in Professor Byleth. And Dimitri’s personality was more akin to mine than Claude’s, so I thought that was the best fit for me.”
”I see...” Marianne trailed off again, and looked away. Before he could stop himself Ferdinand said, “May I ask why you left the Golden Deer House?”
Marianne predictably flinched, and hid her face in the bouquet. Ferdinand felt his heart sink at her reaction. No! I was doing so well with her! “I apologize,” he said gently, raising his hands again. “I shall...leave you alone now.” He once again turned to leave.
”I was scared!” Marianne blurted out.
Ferdinand paused and looked at her. “Scared?”
”I had a...terrible feeling that something bad was happening. Like a-an omen. Back during the Horsebow Moon—when Flayn was rescued, everyone was so happy. Everyone acted like the worst was over. B-But I...” she quickly shook her head. “I just had this feeling that something worse was coming. I-It’s a feeling that I still feel now. But now—it-it’s not so bad now. It-It became better after the Professor invited me to the Blue Lions House. However...” she huddled close to herself. “I still...I still feel like something bad is going to happen. But I don’t want to say anything to the Professor because it will only cause her worry, and I don’t know what the bad thing is...”
Ferdinand swallowed thickly. He honestly did not know if this was part of her anxiety, or if she really was sensing a bad omen. Just thinking that it might be the latter made him incredibly uncomfortable. I need to quell her anxiety, or she will only feel worse.
”Thank you for sharing that with me,” he told her gently. “It must have been difficult for you to tell me that, and I appreciate that you let me know how you really feel. But, you should never forget that we’re all in this together, okay? If something bad happens, we’ll unite and make things right. We’ve done that before, and we’ll continue to do that.”
”I...” she ducked her head again. “I...don’t know if I can do that.”
Ferdinand smiled. “But you already have, Marianne. You saved my life. And you put yourself in danger to save those merchants. Do not sell yourself short. We all need you.”
Marianne looked up again. Ferdinand was afraid she would argue with him again and insist that she was a burden. To his relief, her features relaxed. She did not smile, but she no longer looked so tense. “Thank you, Ferdinand,” she said quietly.
”You’re welcome.” He bowed to her respectfully. “I shall take my leave now, but please do not forget what I said.”
She still did not smile, but she nodded stiffly. Ferdinand smiled to her and turned to take his leave. He walks a few steps, but...something. A compulsion or curiosity, something in him told him that he needed to turn around. So he did; he turned to look at Marianne. She was standing beside Dorte still, and the horse was staring at her with curiosity. She ruffled the head of the stuffed teddy briefly, but she was still cradling the bouquet in her arms. Fingers traced a single lily of the valley that stuck out at the top of the bouquet, caressing the petals with such tenderness, as though she were afraid she would hurt the flower. Ferdinand couldn’t see her face because her bangs hid her expression, and he wondered for a moment if she did in fact like the presents he had given her.
Then...she leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to the flower.
Ferdinand felt more than heard a gasp gasp from his throat, and he pressed a hand to his face as he felt heat flood it. He turned away and quickly departed, scared and embarrassed that Marianne might catch him spying on her. He left the Stables and stumbled back down the steps towards the Marketplace, but the visage he’d witnessed burned in his mind. The way she had kissed the flower, the glow of the sunlight around her, her stiff posture but her gentle hands—
Oh...my goddess. That may have been the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
He reached the Marketplace and rested his hand on the rail. He let out a breath but it was shaky. His heart was pounding inside his chest. This was...unusual for him. He did not normally see Marianne this way, nor was he accustomed to his heart pounding at seeing her, thinking of her. The reaction at seeing her like that struck him so quickly that it scared him a little.
I need to calm myself, lest I faint. I do not remember...feeling like this before. The closest that I can remember feeling like this was the first time I ever saw Dorothea—
Ferdinand shook his head and forced himself to calm down as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Stop it,” he told himself. “Do not think this way. It is inappropriate to think this way, about either Dorothea and Marianne. Remember your station, Ferdinand.”
”Ferdinand?” The Gatekeeper approached him cautiously. “Are you all right? You look faint.”
Ferdinand forced a smile at him. “I am quite all right. I’ll just be heading back to my room. Thank you for your concern.”
He did not wait for the Gatekeeper’s reply, which he knew was rude, but he wanted to escape back to the Dormitories. He hurried through the Fishing Pond and past the Greenhouse towards the stairs of the Second Floor. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Mercedes von Martritz and Annette Fantine Dominic talking excitedly amongst themselves. “We will ambush her outside of her room, Annie!” Mercedes said enthusiastically.
”Oh yes, Mercie!” Annette agreed. “Ingrid can’t say no to a makeover if we’re both there!”
Ferdinand allowed himself a momentary passing of pity for Ingrid as he headed upstairs. He stopped at the top step to catch his breath. His heart was still pounding...but he was unsure of if it was because of his running or the feelings in his heart.
This is quite unexpected for me. I was certain that I had all of the answers about myself. My motives, my feelings—but now I realize that I do not have any answers at all. I left the Black Eagles House when my goal was to rule the Empire. And I...responded to Marianne.
He slowly walked up the hallway towards his room. When he reached Edelgard’s door he paused briefly in front of it. After a moment he frowned.
”The difference in our skill level is not so great as all that. If you had taken the first strike, you might have won. That's why I didn't give you the chance.”
”Listen to yourself. If I do as Lady Edelgard requires, then you tell me to be more independent. But if I tread my own path, I am misguided! I suppose the fault is mine for expecting any useful advice to come out of your mouth. Heh.”
He heard Edelgard and Hubert’s words echo in his mind. He shook his head and continued on his way towards his room. I made my choice. Whatever my thoughts or feeling really are, I can only look forward. It is something I have to live with. But I am alive to live with this...thanks to my friends.