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With a heavy breath through clenched teeth, Crown Prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd’s eyes snapped open wide as he abruptly came awake. His fists clenched the blankets covering him so tightly that the fabric ripped underneath his fingers. For a long moment he held himself still, as he didn’t quite recognize his surroundings. He looked to his left and in the darkness of the room he could see his desk. Of course, he was in his bedroom.
That...I was dreaming?
Slowly, his jaw relaxed but his breaths still came out short and ragged. His heart was slamming against the wall of his chest and his body...his body felt abnormal. He was hot and taut, and he was drenched in sweat. His white nightshirt stuck to his skin. He...ached in such a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but wasn’t entirely comfortable.
Dimitri pushed back the covers and sat up, but he winced when he saw the damage he’d carelessly done to his bedsheets. I must apologize to the maids for this. I have some gold in my wallet, I’ll pay to replace this.
Shaking his head, he stood up onto unsteady legs and walked over to his desk. He had been untidy last night and had left a towel draped over his chair after a trip to the Sauna. Dedue had also sent him up a pitcher of water and a cup, to which Dimitri was very grateful at the moment. He scrubbed the towel over his face and his nape, trying to wipe away from the worst of the sweat. When he was finished he draped the towel back over his chair and looked towards the calendar on the wall. It was Monday, 8th day of the Ethereal Moon. He had class in just a few hours.
Dimitri’s breathing finally evened out and his heartbeat settled as he poured himself a glass of water, which while not chilled was still cool. Dimitri slowly sat down in his chair and swallowed thickly as he raised the cup to his lips—
Sweet.
Dimitri felt his stomach twist, and he quickly set the cup on the desk. He raised a hand to his mouth and traced his lips with his index finger. He rolled his tongue around in his mouth. No...he couldn’t taste sweetness. The flavors in his mouth was the same nothingness he’d experienced for the last few years.
And yet his mouth...his lips were tingling. They felt the same as they did just moments earlier.
It was a dream...wasn’t it? Dimitri shook his head with jerky movements. I know it was a dream but it felt so real. I could taste sweetness in my mouth. And...And it feels like I just kissed her.
Just thinking those words immediately caused heat to flood his face and Dimitri ducked his head in embarrassment, even though he was alone in the room. Kiss...yes. He couldn’t deny it to himself. The surreal nature of the dream felt so real, that he was sure that he was awake while experiencing it. But it was a dream.
A dream of kissing Professor Byleth.
Dimitri had thought it was real because it felt like an ordinary day at the Monastery. He was sitting in front of the fireplace in the Knights Hall, sharpening his sword with a whetstone when his retainer Dedue approached him and told him that the Professor wanted to see him in the Blue Lions classroom. Dimitri admittedly was excited at being summoned by the Professor, and even while awake he felt the residual emotions of joy from the dream at the prospect of seeing her, practically throwing aside the whetstone and sheathing his sword. How strange it was that he became so happy so easily from something as simple as seeing someone that he saw just about every day.
He went to the classroom and saw the doors were closed — strange, because they were usually only closed on lecture days and not on their free day. When he went to open the door, he noticed that Dedue had not followed him. In the dream Dimitri had felt that this was odd, but shrugged it off and entered the classroom alone.
Perhaps with what followed he should’ve known that it was a dream. When Dimitri entered the Blue Lions classroom and closed the door behind him, he saw that there was no other students in the room. “Professor?” He had called out. He didn’t get a response, and for a brief moment he felt worry as he started walking towards the professor’s podium in the back of the class. Byleth was not at her desk. Dimitri stopped and stood directly in front of the podium, and that was when he saw the professor.
Byleth was in the far left hand corner of the classroom, stretched out lying on a black chaise (yet another thing that should’ve clued Dimitri in to the fact that this was a dream, because there wasn’t ever a chaise in the classroom). Dimitri left the podium and approached her, feeling confused by how casual her demeanor was despite her summoning him to see him, but as he got closer he quickly realized that she was asleep.
Dimitri stood over her staring down at her, his throat dry and his heart pounding. Her hands were neatly folded over her chest while she slept, her dark hair spread out like ink against the cushion and around her head. And her mouth—oh goddess, her mouth was set in a relaxed smile. The sheer beauty of this visage made him go weak in the knees, and he took a seat on the edge of the chaise lest he collapse to the floor. She looked like a sleeping princess waiting for a kiss from her prince.
I’m a prince.
Dimitri wasn’t proud of thinking that thought. It was an inappropriate and foolish feeling for someone in his position, to be directing it towards his mentor and teacher of all people. And to think this way while she was sleeping—Byleth worked so hard for all of them, and as more students (and other professors even!) joined the Blue Lions House, filling their classroom to the point of burst, her burdens and responsibilities only increased. But she dealt with all of it without complaint, and seemed to thrive from the responsibilities of taking care of so many people.
She was everything he wanted to be as a leader.
Dimitri had closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, turning away from Byleth, but his breath was harsh through his nose and his heart began to pound. He had felt terribly guilty for thinking of kissing her while she slept, but he felt weak to the temptation sweeping his body. He clenched his fists in his lap and shook his head. No, he couldn’t kiss her. It was inappropriate to want to kiss his professor. And it was very inappropriate to want to kiss her while she lay sleeping unaware beside him. Unable to help himself his right eye opened slightly and peaked at her. Oh goddess, she was beautiful. Whether it be while standing in the front of the classroom teaching and looking prim and proper, or on the battlefield covered in sweat, dirt, and blood, she was always beautiful. And it wasn’t just her face or her body—Dimitri could see the beauty of her spirit. She was someone he spoke to in confidence, told her things that he had not even told Dedue. He had said troubling things to her that she could’ve obviously used against him, or reported to Lady Rhea or Seteth against him, but she never did. She was someone he could unequivocally trust. Someone he could...
His eyes opened fully and he turned to look at her. He let out a breath and it came out shaky. He knew he would hate himself, but he pulled both of his gloves off. His hand was shaking as he reached out and caressed her cheek. In her sleep she moved into his touch, and his heart lurched and his stomach twisted up in knots. Dimitri gulped, and the sound echoed the room. After hesitating for a moment he ran his thumb over her bottom lip. Her mouth felt smooth underneath his thumb and his heart leapt into his throat. He leaned forward, but stopped when his face was just centimeters from hers. I mustn’t do this. I can’t do this. She’s not awake and hasn’t given me permission. Leave this instant, Dimitri!
He could see his breath stirring the hair around her beautiful face, but she didn’t come awake. His hand was still pressed against her cheek, and his eyes fixed upon her mouth. Dimitri felt more than heard the tight whimper in his throat. He closed his eyes finally and shook his head. “Please forgive me,” he whispered.
Then he kissed her. A gentle pressing of his mouth against hers. Something so simple nonetheless felt like a release of all the tension inside his body, washing away his worry and shame. For a moment...for just one moment, this was kiss everything in the world. He didn’t think about the pain that beat at him day and night; or the guilt, or anything unpleasant. He groaned against her mouth, a sound of relief, and he almost wanted to melt against her. But he allowed himself to regain control, and he reluctantly pulled himself away.
He opened his eyes, and saw that Byleth was awake, staring right back at him.
The shame, guilt, and horror resurfaced and snapped through him fast and hard. “I-I-I—forgive me!” He sputtered out, slapping a hand over his mouth. “I-I am so sorry, Professor! T-That was—I d-d-didn’t—I mean that—” he couldn’t formulate the words to properly apologize. The rush of negative emotions overwhelmed him, and he was looking anywhere but at her because he couldn’t look at her. He turned to stand and flee, but then she reached out and grabbed his left shoulder.
The words died in Dimitri’s throat as Byleth turned him around to face her. He cast his eyes down because he was too ashamed to look her in the eyes. He swallowed thickly as he tried to form words to apologize again. “Professor—”
He stiffened as he saw her arms raise up and wrap loosely around his shoulders. His heart started pounding again, and the negative emotions jolted out of him with the shock and...elation he suddenly felt. He finally mustered the nerve to look at her fully, and his throat went dry. Her eyes were half-lidded, and she was smiling so serenely and she just looked so beautiful. She didn’t say a word, instead using her arms to gently guide him closer to her. Dimitri pressed his hands on the chaise on either side of her hips to balance himself, and he closed his eyes. She gently nuzzled his face and he shivered, but he clamped his mouth shut and his body tensed as he squeezed his eye shut tighter. She was so close...he was afraid to inhale because then he would be able to smell her scent.
Then her breath whispered over his mouth, her tone soft. “Just breathe, Dimitri.”
Hearing her voice startled him and he let out a short gasp, and in that moment Byleth pressed her mouth against his slightly opened one.
Dimitri felt a jolt through his body straight to his toes, and his heart pounded so hard he thought it might burst through his chest. The tension in him dissipated and he leaned slightly against her body, his hands clenching and unclenching against the cushions. He was unable to formulate rational thoughts. Yes, yes, oh goddess please yes—
Byleth cupped his cheek with her warm hand as she gently moved her mouth against his, pressing soft but quick kisses against his slackened mouth, coaxing it to open fully. After a moment she used her tongue to lick and press against his lips and Dimitri groaned quietly, shivering as he yielded to her ministrations. He’d never kissed anyone like this before and in the moment he was embarrassed over his lack of experience. Somehow though (perhaps because it was a dream), his motions matched hers perfectly. One of his hands left the chaise and reached up to stroke her upper arm. When he felt her tongue against his mouth again he opened it fully and sucked it inside.
Sweet.
Maybe then Dimitri should’ve realized that this was dream and not reality. Sitting there kissing the professor so thoroughly and deeply, and being kissed so thoroughly and deeply back by her, Dimitri could taste her sweetness. He’d lost the ability to taste anything, but when he kissed her he experienced her. She felt real to him; she tasted good and she felt so good. He raised his other hand up and cupped her face with both hands. She pulled him in tighter, both hands buried into his hair. They sat on the chaise pressed as closely to each other as they could. The classroom was silent other than the sounds of their kisses and their sighs and moans.
When their kiss broke, the contact ended, Dimitri felt like he was abruptly dropped back into his body. His eyes were still closed as he gulped for air, but he could hear Byleth’s unsteady breathing as she also tried to catch her breath. Their foreheads touched and their fingers stroked each other’s cheeks. Dimitri moved his head against hers as he ran his thumb over her bottom lip again. His body felt strange; tight but full of heat. It was neither entirely uncomfortable or entirely pleasant but he liked it. It was a new, fresh feeling and he knew he felt this way because of Byleth. He wanted to remain there like this, close to her, touching her, kissing her...
Byleth kissed him again, but not on the mouth. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, just under his eye. Dimitri dropped his hands away from her face, rubbing them against the back of her shoulders as she nuzzled and kissed all over his face. His cheeks, his jawline, his eyes, his forehead—every inch of his face was marked by her lips. Dimitri pressed his face into her kisses and tried to mimic her actions by kissing her face back. Her skin felt so smooth and soft underneath his mouth. He kissed towards her ear, and she did the same to him, pressing even closer to her, and a whimper rumbled involuntarily in his throat again. It was a foreign noise that didn’t sound like him. It wasn’t a sob but it wasn’t a joyful sound. Rather, the sound was an expression of the unfamiliar ache building inside his body...but also an expression of the very familiar ache inside his heart.
Before he could stop himself, he whispered into her ear. “I love you.”
Byleth froze in his arms, and Dimitri’s eyes snapped open and stared absently at the bookshelf behind the chaise. A cold knot of fear formed in his chest and he snapped his teeth together. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but now it was too late. It wasn’t something he just said in the heat of passion, but rather a desire he kept closely guarded to himself. Something that he hadn’t even confided in Dedue over. Something that he hadn’t been able to admit to himself until very recently, or rather that he didn’t recognize in himself until recently.
His complete love and admiration for Professor Byleth.
He had expected her rejection (because he still did not realize his was dreaming). Instead he felt those soft, warm hands cup his cheeks again and Byleth gently pushed him back so that they were looking at each other. And her eyes — oh goddess, the way she stared back at him, Dimitri knew he didn’t need to hear the words she was about to say.
But she still said it. “I love you, too.”
...
Dimitri shivered, suddenly realizing that he was cold. He blinked with confusion and quickly looked around himself. He was no longer standing in his bedroom. He was standing outside, in his slippers and pajamas. It was still night, and he’d been so lost in his thoughts and reliving the memory of his dream that he’d traveled all the way to the First Floor Dormitories without even realizing it. Just ahead of him he could see the doors to the Training Grounds, but the area was otherwise quiet and deserted. He pinched himself hard on the arm to make sure that he was still awake and was satisfied with the sting.
I’ve had enough confusing dreams for reality for one night.
Dimitri shivered, hugging his arms tightly to himself as he turned and sat down on the stairs next to him. He leaned forward slightly, allowing the night air to seep into his skin. The memories of the dream resurfaced and he squeezed his eyes shut. It was embarrassing and foolish to fantasize about kissing and cuddling someone like that, especially when that someone was Professor Byleth, but he couldn’t deny the feelings he felt for her. He didn’t know when this feeling of love for Byleth took root in his heart. It may even started the moment he first met her, because wouldn’t that be ironic that he would fall in love at first sight just like his father did with his stepmother? Dimitri honestly didn’t know, but even now he remembered that first night he met Byleth, her bravery and fighting prowess as she fought to protect all of them from bandits. And when she ran out without hesitation, personally inserting herself between Edelgard and Kostas and protecting the princess from the bandit leader’s attack, Dimitri realized that he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. He was enraptured, and later thrilled when she chose the Blue Lions House to teach.
And these feelings only grew with each passing month. With each battle and trial. Dimitri had a mission and a set purpose for why he came to Garreg Mach, but Byleth began to occupy his thoughts so very often. Her lack of expressiveness had made him uneasy, and it had genuinely hurt him when he thought that she didn’t care about him—them, rather. But the more he got to know her though the more he realized that she was expressive, but that expressing herself was something she wasn’t very good at. His thoughts about Byleth was something he struggled with because he couldn’t put a proper word as to why he thought of her so often, or why he was feeling the way he did. He didn’t really understand. Not until the Horsebow Moon, and the moment his House successfully rescued Flayn and Monica. The moment he first saw Byleth smile.
Dimitri opened his eyes and stared down at his feet, smiling painfully at the memory. It remained fresh in his mind because of how beautiful she looked in that moment. The curve of her slender mouth upwards, and the way her eyes softened. Her face was so relaxed, and happy, and she so easily showed the smile again just for him when he asked. It was then that Dimitri realized why he thought so much of her so often and what exactly it was he felt for her. When he saw that expression, he knew that he was in love.
Yes, I love her. I accept that I love and care for her greatly. That’s why I dreamt of her, isn’t it? Dreamt of her smile, dreamt of kissing her and holding her and being able to tell her how I feel and to hear her tell me that she loves me back? Even if I do not know her feelings? Even though dreaming like this is not normal for me?
It had been surreal and out of the ordinary. Dimitri didn’t dream about kissing and being with the woman he loved. No...his dreams were not usually this pleasant. The dreams he had were filled with pain and death. When he dreamt he relived the Tragedy of Duscur. He could still hear the screaming rattling in the ears, the smell of smoke and blood filled his nostrils. The dead cried and screamed at him for vengeance. That was what he experienced whenever he rested for bed. He usually did not fantasize about selfish desires because though he acknowledged what he felt for Byleth, being with her was not his goal. It was not what he lived for.
He lived to avenge the fallen, and to get justice for the people who lost their lives.
”But that doesn’t stop you from frivolous thoughts, does it?”
Dimitri groaned, and closed his eyes again. His hands twitched to cover his ears but he kept them in his lap. The voices of the dead rumbled in his ears, and he allowed them to berate and admonish him. It was what he deserved.
”How do you expect to get revenge when you waste time fantasizing over a woman instead of staying the course?”
”Does our sacrifice mean nothing to you?”
”The people who killed us will get away and will never be brought to justice!”
”Forget your feelings for her because it doesn’t matter! NOTHING else matters besides your duty to us!”
”Forgive me,” Dimitri whispered, curling into a ball where he sat. “Please forgive me...”
”Dimitri?”
Dimitri’s head snapped up at this new voice, and the voices of the dead silenced in his ears, replaced by the pounding of his heart. His breathing came out short and ragged, but he tried to quickly bring himself under control. He successfully steeled his emotions, relaxed his body, and set his emotional mask perfectly in place. He forced a smile as he looked over his shoulder. “Ah...pardon me, Professor. Did I wake you?”
Byleth stepped from the shadows and into the moonlight. Dimitri realized that he’d inadvertently chosen to sit on the steps directly in front of her quarters. He noticed though that she was in her usual outfit and not in nightclothes. “Dimitri, are you all right?”
Dimitri looked away from her, keeping his smile in place. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine Professor. I woke up too early, is all.”
He heard Byleth approach, and it took an incredible amount of willpower to not flinch when she took a seat beside him on the stairs. “It’s not yet dawn Dimitri, and you’re quite far from your room. If you need something, you can talk to me.”
Dimitri glanced at her through his bangs. She was staring ahead and not looking at him, and he appreciated her lack of scrutiny. His fake smile relaxed into a more genuine one. “Thank you, Professor Byleth, but I can assure you that I’m fine. I needed the fresh air.”
Byleth glanced at him then, but Dimitri quickly looked away. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eye after he dreamt of kissing her. Her expression seemed blank though as it usually was, and for once he welcomed it. He just hoped he wasn’t blushing.
”I wanted to apologize to you,” Byleth said suddenly. “For how I spoke to you at lecture the other day.”
”Huh?” Dimitri forced himself to look at her then because he was confused. “How you spoke to me? What do you mean?”
”When I taught you swordsmanship,” Byleth clarified. Dimitri glanced at her eyes briefly and saw the guilt there and looked away again. “You had given a bad response and I criticized you for it. I’m afraid that I was overly harsh with you, and I was concerned that I had embarrassed you in front of the class. It was not my intention to treat you like that and I’m sorry Dimitri.”
The memory came to Dimitri then and he laughed softly. He shook his head. “No, don’t apologize Professor. I wasn’t offended or embarrassed at all! I gave an incorrect response and you gave me a proper criticism! I needed that criticism to learn from my mistake.” He brushed the bangs out of his face. “If I’m to be honest, had you consoled me instead of criticized me, then I would’ve been embarrassed. Despite my station I’m still your student. I don’t want you treating me any differently than you would the others, especially since your responsibilities are so great.”
”Hmm,” Byleth hummed to herself. Dimitri ignored how the sound vibrated over his skin. She shifted then, and leaned her head against her hand with her elbow propped against her knee. “Do you think I have too many responsibilities, Dimitri?”
”Of course you do. Our class size has expanded to accommodate not only students from Golden Deer and Black Eagle, but also the professors of those Houses! You, a first year teacher, are teaching two veteran teachers and the students they are supposed to be teaching! Not to mention personal missions you’ve undertaken for each of us, and missions from Lady Rhea herself!” Dimitri shook his head. “You’re truly an inspiration and we ask too much of you Professor.”
Byleth sat there in silence for a long time. Dimitri mustered the courage to look at her and saw that she was fully scrutinizing him. After a few moments, her mouth formed a smile. Dimitri’s throat abruptly went dry.
”Thank you, Dimitri,” she said finally. “I appreciate hearing such praise from you. And you’re right—we have many students in the Blue Lions House now and our responsibilities have increased. I apologized earlier because of this. Because I was harsh with you for being wrong, however we have so many students in our House now and I have to meet the needs of each one, and your failure is partly due to not spending as much time with you as I should to help you succeed.”
Dimitri shook his head. “Don’t think of it that way, Professor. You’re only human and we can only ask so much of you.”
”Hmm.” She looked away then. “Then perhaps I shall do you a favor and allow you to miss lecture this morning?”
”Professor, you don’t—”
”So you can ease my burdens,” she added with a teasing tone.
But Dimitri didn’t feel like teasing. ”Professor.” He reached out and grabbed her wrist. He quickly retracted his hand. “A-Ah, sorry. If it will make you feel better I will study independently today and you can focus on the other students. But I will not miss lecture. I’m the House Leader and I must lead by example.”
Byleth didn’t react to his touch, but she sighed dramatically. “If you insist on being so responsible, then you must do something else for me.”
”Anything,” Dimitri immediately responded. He couldn’t keep the eager tone out of his voice.
”You can be our house representative for the White Heron Cup.”
Dimitri quickly felt light headed, and violently sick to his stomach. He stood up to face her, though the sudden motion made him sway on his feet. “Professor, I beg of you. Please, do not choose me as our house representative. I am utterly serious.”
”Too late,” Byleth responded with uncharacteristic glee. “I already told Professor Manuela that you could do it!”
Dimitri thought the ground would collapse beneath his feet. “What?!” He sputtered. He rasped in anguish and wrung his hands. “Oh, curse you Professor!” He shook his head in dismay.
”Dimitri—”
”I will of course accept, but know that you have damned us all!”
”Dimitri.”
Byleth’s tone gave him pause and he looked up. She was no longer sitting but now standing directly in front of him. She no longer looked playful but her expression made his heart skip a beat. She looked so gentle, so...
”You can relax,” she reassured him. “I have already asked Petra to be our house representative. I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon helping her practice.”
Dimitri stared at her stupidly for a moment. He suddenly choked, and then he burst with hysterical laughter. He hunched forward and hugged his sides. Byleth also began laughing as well, though not as hard as him.
”You got me!” Dimitri stammered. “Y-You had me there for a second!”
”S-Sorry!” Byleth giggled out. “You were just so somber t-that I wanted to lighten the mood!”
After a few moments they both got themselves under control, and Dimitri wiped at his eyes with the heel of his hand. “That was a fantastic joke, Professor Byleth. Know though that I will get you back for this.“
Byleth smiled again, and suddenly leaned close to him. His heart leapt back into his throat as memories of his dream suddenly flooded his mind. Byleth obliviously looked at him closely. “I look forward to it.”
She leaned back, but Dimitri could only relax so slightly. His eyes dropped to her mouth, which was still wearing a smile. He swallowed thickly and breathed heavily through his nostrils as he forced himself to look her in the eyes. For another long they stood there staring at each other in silence. Dimitri couldn’t find the words to say to her.
It was Byleth though who broke the silence. “You’re shivering, Dimitri. You should head back to your room and get some rest.”
Dimitri nodded stiffly. “Y...Yes, Professor.”
”If you want to come to lecture today then I won’t stop you. But I’ll do you a favor and not call on you today.” She stretched her arms over her head. “I will, however, call on you tomorrow.”
Dimitri nodded again. “Understood. Thank you, Professor.”
”You’re welcome, Dimitri. Have a good rest.”
”You too. Sweet dreams.”
She smiled at him again before turning around and heading back up the stairs to her room. Dimitri stood where he was, watching her disappear into her room. He remained standing there even after she closed the door. He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.
”You cannot stray from your mission.”
For once though, Dimitri ignored the pleas from the dead. He opened his eyes and stared at her door. The familiar pain started to fill him again, but he allowed his thoughts to linger on the feelings of love in his heart. He pressed his fingertips to his mouth and blew a silent kiss to her door.
Yes...I have many responsibilities to the dead. They must have their vengeance. But I love her, and even if it’s for a short while and will never amount to anything, I cannot help what I feel for her. It’s the only thing that makes me feel good.