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30th of the Great Tree Moon, Imperial Year 1186
The Second Floor Dormitory hallway was silent. Byleth was thankful that no one came out of their rooms to check on them. She kept her eyes forward as they walked, both of her hands holding onto Dimitri’s left arm. They didn’t say a word.
Byleth and Dimitri came to a stop in front of his door. His head was bent forward; his eye was closed but it was puffy and red from the crying he’d done earlier. After a moment, Byleth let go of his arm. “Go on inside,” she told him. She kept her tone low, but steady and soothing. “Get out of your armor and into pajamas. You have pajamas, don’t you?”
”...Dedue left a pair for me,” Dimitri said, his tone low.
”Good,” she told him. “Get changed right away. You’re going straight to bed.”
Dimitri’s hand shot out and grabbed one of hers. He turned his head away from her. “Please don’t leave me alone.”
The harsh darkness was gone from his voice, but tears stung Byleth’s eyes at hearing the sorrowful tone. She blinked them away and forced her emotions under control. “I’m not going anywhere,” she reassured him. “I’ll wait out here to give you privacy while you change, then I’ll come inside when you’re ready.”
His head jerked forward in a slight nod. He was silent for a moment before he said, “I think my wound reopened.”
Byleth felt a pang of alarm hum through her body, jolting her heart painfully and her eyes fell to his back. But it was impossible to see his back with his blue cape and black armor. She looked back up at his face and took another moment to calm down. Byleth knew she needed to be strong in this moment. She would crumble later if the stress got the better of her, but at that moment she needed to rely on her inner strength.
Dimitri is so vulnerable right now. I have to be his rock in this moment.
“Then to be on the safe side, I’ll come in with you now and help you to take off your armor.”
Dimitri flinched slightly, and the regret quickly filled her again. Though Byleth had developed Faith skills enough to learn healing spells, she had neglected to get further training in the field once the Blue Lions House filled with students that excelled in Faith skills. Mercedes, Marianne, and Linhardt had more expertise in healing and so Byleth had long ago decided to stop focusing on learning more Faith-based skills. This of course meant that she had the minimum amount of healing spells that she could use, and she often found herself running out of Heal very quickly on the battlefield.
I ran out of Heal when we saved those students all those years ago, and because of that I couldn’t heal my father when he was killed. And today, I ran out of Heal in that horrible battle—just like I ran out of my uses of the Divine Pulse—and because of that I couldn’t heal Lord Rodrigue, or try to prevent his death...
Byleth shook away the thoughts because she knew it would fill her with sorrow. She focused on her resolve to be strong for Dimitri and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I can go get Mercedes and see if she’s recovered any healing spells. She’s better with healing spells than I am.”
Dimitri shook his head. “No Heal. I don’t deserve it.”
Yes, you do. But she kept that thought to herself. “Then if you’ll allow me, I’ll do what I can to make you comfortable and treat your wounds. Please, rely on me Dimitri.” Byleth’s tone was still calm but she couldn’t prevent the pleading notes from entering her voice.
Dimitri stood still for a long moment before he slowly nodded, his head still turned away from her. “I...appreciate your help.”
Byleth was giddy with relief as she followed Dimitri into his room and closed the door behind them. Dimitri moved towards the windows where a basket sat on the windowsill. “Dedue wrapped my wounds earlier and left a pitcher of water here. There should still be enough—”
”Take a seat,” Byleth interrupted him, pointing to his desk chair. “I’ll get the supplies and bring them to you.”
Dimitri still didn’t look at her, but he nodded his head and moved to sit down at his desk. Byleth saw him shift slightly and wince, confirming to her that his wounds most likely reopened. She grabbed the basket and saw clean cloths, wraps, and bottles of balm. Byleth set it on the desk. “Here,” she said, taking hold of his soaked cape. She carefully removed it from his shoulders and set it on the windowsill. “Do you have a towel? Are you cold?”
“I’m not cold. I don’t have any towels.”
“Well...the room is warm at least, and we’ll be getting you into dry clothes soon enough. Can you unhook your armor?”
”I believe so,” Dimitri said quietly. Byleth watched and waited while he gingerly unfastened his torso armor. He tried to pull the plackart off but she waved his hands away and took over. Byleth first took off his gauntlets and set them down next to the desk. The vambrace, the couter, the rerebrace—she slowly made her way up his arms towards his shoulders. She carefully removed the cuirass and Dimitri visibly winced, grunting under his breath. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
”You have nothing to apologize for,” he responded.
”I’ll leave the everything below the faulds on,” Byleth told him, kneeling on the floor in front of him. She looked up into his face. It was full of pain but she knew it had nothing to do with his physical injuries. “I’ll stop after the plackart and take care of your injuries. Is that okay?”
”Of course.”
Carefully, she removed the plackart and he grunted again. He was wearing a dark shirt underneath the armor, and she grabbed the hem of the shirt. “I’ll be careful and not further aggravate your injuries.”
”Hmm.”
Very slowly, Byleth bundled the shirt little by little and moved it up his body. “Keep your arms down,” she told him when she saw him start to lift his arms. “Lean forward, and I’ll lift the shirt up and over.”
Dimitri nodded and closed his eye. Byleth tried to be as careful as possible as she eased the shirt up over his shoulders and then his head. Dimitri leaned forward as she’d requested and she finished removing his shirt. The bandage wrap surrounded his torso and his left shoulder, but she looked at his back and saw the red smudges of blood through the wrap and cloth. Byleth nodded in resignation. “You were right, Dimitri.”
”I thought so,” Dimitri responded numbly.
”But I’ll take care of this for you now,” she told him, forcing a smile at him. He glanced at her then and Byleth was encouraged by seeing the lines in his face relax. “I have to clean the wounds and rub on the healing balm, and it will be painful. But I’ll work quickly and try not to cause you any further pain.”
He was still frowning deeply, but his features continued to soften and relax as he looked at her. He smiled, but it was full of so much pain that it looked like a wince. “I don’t deserve the care that you’re giving me, my friend.”
”Yes, you do,” she retorted calmly, allowing herself to say the words out loud this time. She leaned in closer so that he was forced to look her in the eye. “Now, please don’t argue with me and allow me to take care of you.”
He stared back at her, his eye slightly wide. His opened and closed slightly, as though he wanted to say something. After a moment he slightly nodded.
Byleth kept an outwardly calm disposition but her heart was aching as she unwrapped the bandage wrap from Dimitri’s torso. His body was well-defined, but he was so thin and different sizes and shades of scars marred his abdomen, chest, back, and arms. Byleth could tell by the scars that he had been stabbed, sliced, and even burned. As she eased the wrap and blood soaked cloths off his body, she saw the fresh slices and stab wounds (the largest being from the waif who stabbed him in the back) and knew they would inevitably join the others as permanent marks on his body. She examined the bleeding cuts closely and sighed in relief. “There’s minimal bleeding, Dimitri. Between Mercedes and Marianne’s Heal, and Dedue’s earlier treatment of your injuries, these should heal nicely.”
”Hmm,” Dimitri responded.
Byleth disposed of the soiled bandages and set about cleaning his wounds. Using the pitcher of water she wiped away the blood and cleaned the cuts with a cloth. Then she poured the balm onto another cloth and rubbed it into the wounds. Dimitri grunted quietly and dug his fingers into his knees, but he didn’t voice any complaints or tell her to stop. Then she got more clean cloths and bandage wrap. “Please, excuse me,” she said softly.
She carefully covered the wounds with the cloth and began wrapping. She mimicked the wrapping style that had been done by Dedue earlier; around his torso and over his left shoulder. Doing this however forced her to partially wrap her arms around him and lean in close to his body. Their close proximity reminded Byleth of the hug they shared earlier, and she almost wanted to hug him again when she saw the pained look on his face, his eye closed again. She swallowed thickly and focused on finishing up her treatment of him. “Is the wrap too tight?” She asked him.
Dimitri shook his head, his eye still closed. “It feels perfect.”
”...Thank you.” Byleth finished up and reset the basket on the desk. “Where are the pajamas Dedue left for you?”
”On my bed.”
Byleth looked up and saw a pair of blue pajamas folded neatly at the foot of his bed on top of the blue blanket. She grabbed them and brought them over to Dimitri. “I’ll help you put your shirt on but then I’ll leave to give you privacy, okay?”
Dimitri nodded and stood up. She set the bottoms on the chair and helped Dimitri put on the pajama top. It had long sleeves and buttoned up. He hissed in pain as he shrugged the shirt on, but otherwise held himself still as Byleth buttoned up the shirt for him. She looked up at him as she finished up. “I’ll be right outside the room. Call me in when you’re ready, okay?”
Dimitri stared back at her. He visibly swallowed, and his brow knitted. “I...” he looked away briefly. It was clear he wanted to say something but was struggling with the words. “Professor—I-I mean, B-Byleth. My friend, I...” he trailed off again.
Byleth could see how awkward and embarrassed he felt and decided to lighten the mood. She reached up and plucked at his wet bangs with two fingers. She remembered how his hair had felt earlier when she stroked his head while he cried. “Do you have a brush? If you like, I’ll do you another favor and brush your hair when I come back in.”
Dimitri quickly nodded, his pained expression looking relieved. “Y...Yes, thank you. I would appreciate that.”
Byleth wanted to know what he’d struggled to say, but she didn’t want to press him when his emotions were so raw. She went out into the hallway and leaned against the pillar facing Dimitri’s room. Folding her arms over her chest, she looked looked towards the end of the hallway where Sylvain’s rooms was, and she saw light coming from the small corridor leading into his room. Curious, she walked over to his room and her brow rose when she saw both doors were wide open Byleth peeked inside and saw Syvlain’s desk chair was overturned and the blue carpet had rises in it. He left his room in a hurry. She looked towards Dimitri’s room. Ah. He probably left in a hurry when he realized Dimitri left his room. But where is Sylvain now? I didn’t see him at the Stables. Although she didn’t want to enter Sylvain’s room when he wasn’t there, she darted in quickly to blow out the waning candle on his desk.
Byleth walked back towards Dimitri’s room, but after pausing for a moment she went to check Felix’s doors. One of the doors was slightly ajar but she could still tell that the room was empty and dark. Her heart clenched as she realized she hadn’t checked up on Felix at all since the battle finished. I was so focused on Dimitri that I didn’t think about Felix. It wasn’t just Dimitri’s loss today—Lord Rodrigue was Felix’s father after all. I’ll have to find Felix at a later time and apologize to him. Right now though, I do have to keep my focus on Dimitri. Hopefully Felix met up with Sylvain and Ingrid so he won’t have to be alone at this time.
Yes...she had to focus on Dimitri. He was so fragile in mind and spirit and she had to do everything she could to bring him out of the darkness. He needed her...and she needed him.
Byleth sobered grimly as she returned to her spot in front of Dimitri’s door. She looked down at her feet and sighed sadly. It was so difficult for her. Dimitri had changed so much in the time that she was gone. It was like he was a stranger; a monster wearing a man’s skin. Gone was the young man with an earnest personality and a powerful desire to serve the common good. To make the world a better place.
Gone was the young man she had grown to love.
Byleth slammed her eyes shut and she whimpered pitifully. It was at that moment that one of Dimitri’s doors opened. Byleth straightened and snapped a mask of calm on her face. “How do the pajamas feel?”
”They fit well,” Dimitri said. The pajamas looked a little big on him but it was nice to see him out of the armor. Dimitri was looking at back at her, and Byleth noticed that he was holding a hairbrush in one hand. “You...You stayed.”
”Of course I stayed,” Byleth said, forcing a smile again. “I told you that I wouldn’t leave your side. And I promised to brush your hair. Are you ready?”
“Hmm.” Dimitri motioned for her to come inside. Byleth thought that he would take a seat back at the desk but Dimitri instead sat down on the edge of his bed. Byleth’s heart leapt into her throat again, but she still kept an outward appearance of calm. She walked over and stood beside him, gently taking the brush from him. She rubbed a few strands of hair between her fingers and thumb and he jumped slightly. She hummed sadly. “Your hair is matted. I’d ask when was the last time you brushed your hair, but...”
”I can’t remember,” Dimitri answered honestly, bending his head forward slightly.
Byleth examined his hair closely to look for snarls, and her fingers encountered the strap of his eyepatch. Without thinking she started to lift it off, but Dimitri quickly grabbed her wrist. “No!” he shook his head furiously, face still turned away from her. “No,” he repeated in a calmer voice. “I-I don’t...want you to see me like that.”
Byleth knelt down on the floor in front of him, her stomach knotting from the guilt she felt. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I should’ve asked you first before touching it. I’ll brush around it, okay?”
Dimitri was silent for a long moment before he reached up and ripped the eyepatch off his head. “D-Dimitri!” Byleth exclaimed.
”You can’t brush my hair if I’m wearing it. A-And...” he shook his head again. “You’ve seen the ugliest parts of me. You might as well see the wound I got when I escaped Fhirdiad. The wound I got when I...killed Kingdom soldiers.” He winced.
Byleth looked into his face, bangs fallen over his eyes. She lifted a hand and gently brushed the bangs away from the right side of his face. There was an ugly, jagged dark scar across where his right eye should have been. Dimitri opened his left eye, and the muscles on the right side of his face twitched as they wanted to mimic the left side. But there was no eye for him to open on the right side. Unable to help herself, Byleth blurted out, “I’m sorry.”
Confusion flickered across Dimitri’s face. “Why are you apologizing?”
”I wasn’t there for you when this happened to you. If I had been there, I...” Byleth shook her head and looked downward. Pull yourself together, Byleth! Dimitri needs you!
She took a moment to calm down and looked back up at him. “I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere again. I’ll stay by your side no matter what.” She rubbed her thumb underneath the scar. “And don’t be ashamed of showing yourself to me. This is a sign that you survived a terrible ordeal. I’ll work hard so that you don’t have to face such an ordeal again.”
His features softened again, and again it looked like he wanted to say something, but he pressed his lips together. Finally he said, “Thank you, my friend.”
Byleth focused on brushing his hair. Her finger worked through the knots and gently untangled them, carefully brushing them smooth. Despite his hair having not been brushed possibly in years she loved the texture between her fingers. Dimitri held himself still and moved only with her motions. As she moved towards the back of his head she shifted, and climbed up into bed beside him. She pulled a little too hard on the back of head his head and he flinched. “Nnngh!” He pitched forward and plugged his ears with his fingers.
”I-I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Byleth asked him.
Dimitri shook his head stiffly. “N-No. It’s just that...the dead. The dead are furious with me. They’re demanding absolution. I...” he curled into a ball slightly. “Their voices are so loud. It’s ringing in my ears.”
Byleth swallowed thickly as she watched him shake. She knew that he heard the voices of the dead, and their unrelenting calls for vengeance. Ever since they reunited she often found him arguing with the dead and pleading with him. She didn’t know how to communicate with the dead though, so she didn’t know what they were telling him, or how to make them leave him alone. She suddenly went still. Wait. I got it!
”If the dead are yelling at you now, I’ll drown out their voices,” she told him. Dimitri lifted his head slightly. “What?”
Byleth began to sing. She didn’t know many songs, although Jeralt’s mercenaries were always fond of bawdy drinking songs. But she knew those types of songs would be highly inappropriate in that moment so she focused her memory of Sothis...and Rhea. The song that she had heard Rhea sing, and the one that had resonated with Sothis. It was a song she personally had never sung before, but the lyrics flowed over her mind.
”In times flow...
See the glow of flames ever so bright...
On the swift river’s drift...
Broken memories alight...”
It came to her naturally and she kept a calm and steady voice as she sang and gently brushed his hair. After a few moments Dimitri’s shoulders began to relax, and his hands slowly dropped away from from his ears. The tension seemed to dissipate in his body. When she finished the song she continued to hum, watching him closely as she smoothed out his hair. She ran her fingers through the now smooth strands and he grunted softly, arching his head back. Byleth stiffened at this reaction, but she remained outwardly calm as she withdrew her hands. “Do you feel better now?”
Dimitri turned to look at her. She couldn’t define the look in his eye. “C...Could you sing to me some more? Your song drove the dead away.”
Byleth nodded stiffly. “Of course. I’ll sing to you until you fall asleep. Here.” She climbed out of bed and grabbed the desk chair and dragged it over. “I’ll be right here with you.”
Dimitri had started to climb under the covers but then he reached out and grabbed her hand again. “You’re not going to leave, are you?”
”Of course not,” Byleth told him. She reached out and brushed the bangs out of his face with her free hand. “Even after you fall asleep I’m going to stay by your side. I’ll have to go back to my room tomorrow morning obviously to get changed, but I’m not leaving here tonight.”
Dimitri pressed his cheek into her hand. “...Thank you. I don’t deserve the care you’ve given me, but I’m grateful that you’ll stay by my side.” He shook his head though, and his expression became pained. “I...I’m afraid to fall asleep though.”
”Why is that?”
”Because I know Rodrigue will come to me with my father. My father is not happy with me, and I know Rodrigue will be angry too when he sees me.”
Byleth squeezed his hand reassuringly, and eased him down onto his left side so that she didn’t further aggravate the injuries on his back. It was difficult tucking him in when he continued to hang onto her hand but she managed. “Lord Rodrigue will not be angry with you. Was he angry with you when he died?”
Dimitri wheezed in pain and closed his eye. After a moment he shook his head. “Then he has no reason to be an angry spirit towards you. Just relax. The only voice you should be listening to is my own, okay?”
”...Yes.” Dimitri pressed her hand over his heart and held onto it with both hands. His heart thudded strongly underneath her hand. “Tonight, I will only listen to you.”
Byleth began to sing again, keeping her tone low. She closed her eyes and focused on the emotions in her voice. She poured as much love and care into her tone. Under her hand Dimitri’s heartbeat slowed, and the fingers gripping her hand relaxed. When she finished she heard his steady breathing and opened her eyes. He curled into a fetal position on his side and he still clung to her hand, but his body language was relaxed. She knew that he was asleep. She play tested trying to pull her hand free, but Dimitri continued clinging to it in his sleep.
All of his masks are gone, and he’s finally shown me his true self. He’s been hurting so long. I want to do everything I can to take the hurt away. Even if he’d only shown me masks before, I know that I still love him.
Love...it was still an emotion she didn’t fully understand. For the first twenty-one years of her life, Byleth didn’t remember a moment where she felt anything. When she had seen her father Jeralt, she knew that something was wrong because she knew she had to feel something for him. Jeralt had been a good man who had taken such good care of her, and she had seen how much he loved her even if he didn’t say the words often.
But she hadn’t felt anything at all. Not until she was hired at Garreg Mach. She hadn’t even felt anything for Dimitri when she first met him.
Byleth reflected on her memory of when she had rescued Dimitri, Edelgard, and Claude from bandits. The three were courteous to her as what could be expected from their positions, but Byleth saw that all three of them wore masks hiding their true selves. Claude wore a carefree, jovial mask but Byleth had seen very little joy behind it. Edelgard wore a cool and collected mask, but Byleth had seen control and...danger behind her expression of cold confidence.
Dimitri’s mask was both interesting and unnerving, because he wore a mask of a kind and chivalrous young man, but darkness seeped out from behind his smile. It had intrigued and puzzled Byleth because she almost immediately saw the darkness inside him, but it was a darkness wrapped in...pain. Unlike Claude or Edelgard, the way Dimitri wore his mask felt like a security blanket more than a masking of his true intentions. Like, the facade of the polite and courteous young man he presented to her was something he desperately wanted to be, and that the dark animal that lurked inside him was something he wanted to keep hidden, something he didn’t want to unleash.
Byleth didn’t know if it was this contrast that made her naturally gravitate towards Dimitri, but after meeting the members of the Three Houses she had chosen the Blue Lions to teach not only because of Dimitri, but also because of the dynamic between the House members. The Blue Lions felt connected to each other, their bonds felt natural, and not one member felt left out to each other. Though she did form an instant fondness for the students of the Black Eagles and Golden Deer Houses, the students of the Blue Lions just felt...more like a family than a class of students.
Being around the students caused an...awakening of emotions in Byleth, something that Jeralt had even seen and brought to her attention. She had grown to care about them deeply, all of them, and there was just this underlining—dread—she had felt seeing the students in the other Houses. In hindsight, she didn’t know if it had been an unknowing premonition, or just a subconscious desire to have a family (which was strange because she already had a family in Jeralt), that had motivated her into recruiting most everyone out of the Black Eagles and Golden Deer Houses and into the Blue Lions, and in doing so her responsibilities increased significantly. She just knew that when the final student, Hilda, burst into the Blue Lions Classroom, interrupting lecture, to announce that she wanted to join the Blue Lions (admittedly shocking the entire class), Byleth had felt relieved.
I didn’t get them all, but I got enough of them. It’d been a simple thought at the time, but after everything they’d been through, it was something that meant a lot to her now.
But Byleth remembered Dimitri in that moment. When Hilda skipped off to find an available seat (and the former Golden Deer students staring slack-jawed at her) she saw Dimitri and he looked concerned. For a moment Byleth wondered if she’d overstepped some boundaries by emptying out the other two Houses and filling the Blue Lions with those students.
Then he discreetly mouthed the words “Are you okay?” to her, and she felt an unexpected jolt in the core of her being. It confused and startled her, but she kept an outward appearance of calm and nodded discreetly back to him before turning back to her lecture.
Interacting with Dimitri was always an interesting experience before and after this moment. Despite desperately clinging to his mask the darkness sometimes came to the surface. Byleth could tell that the darkness shamed and terrified him, and he struggled to suppress it. He hid it well enough that not very many people noticed. Felix definitely noticed and so did Dedue, and they both took different approaches to addressing Dimitri’s darkness. Byleth often overhead Felix yelling at Dimitri, as though trying to bait the darkness into coming out, but Dimitri never took the bait. The few times she overheard Dimitri talking to Dedue, Dedue spoke with directly about what was going on with him but Dimitri always brushed off his concerns.
Byleth learned from seeing these interactions how she should react to Dimitri. She didn’t coddle him but she didn’t challenge him either. Instead she remained calm and understanding, and spoke to him without judgment. Because she didn’t know how to express herself it was difficult at first to connect with Dimitri (and he had even yelled at her over her somewhat tactless assessment of the battle with Lord Lonato) but it was just a minor setback. Slowly, he began to let his guard down to her. And she even let her guard down to him. Even reflecting upon it now she didn’t know when her feelings for Dimitri changed. But she enjoyed talking to him, enjoyed tutoring him, enjoyed having tea with him. When she shopped for gifts (because she’d liked spoiling her students), she found herself wondering “I wonder if Dimitri would like this” and she liked seeing his face light up and hearing the enthusiasm in his voice when he accepted her gifts. She tried to evenly distribute her time to all of the students (and unfortunately her lack of attention hindered the progress of some of the students at times) but she found herself subconsciously giving Dimitri more attention. She went out of her way to talk to him and spend time with him.
Ultimately, she didn’t fully understand why she treated Dimitri so differently until the night of the Ball. He invited her to the Goddess Tower (which was a relief because it removed the awkwardness of her inviting him to the Tower) and they made their joint wish. Byleth remembered that the wish aspect hadn’t initially mattered to her because she was just glad to be there with him.
”Perhaps it would make more sense for me to wish that we’ll be together forever. What do you think?”
Byleth almost laughed at the memory. She knew at that moment, when she had thought Dimitri was giving her a love confession, should’ve been the moment that she realized her own feelings. But...she hadn’t. While she pondered over his words, Dimitri laughed and admitted he was joking with her. The immediate rush of disappointment and hurt she felt from his callous demeanor happened so suddenly that she couldn’t hide it from him. Dimitri to his credit immediately apologized when he realized he had offended her, but it was too late. The way her heart just...sank when she realized that he wasn’t giving her a love confession, made her realize why she paid him so much attention. She didn’t just expect a love confession from Dimitri, she wanted a love confession from Dimitri!
...Oh. Oh dear. I think I’m in love with him.
She of course realized how obvious it was in hindsight. Jeralt had given her more attention than the others in their mercenary group because she was his daughter and he loved her. She should’ve known that she loved Dimitri when she paid him more attention than the rest of the House! But of course it was complicated. Jeralt bestowed parental love upon her, and she loved her father, but even back then, when feelings were so new to her, she recognized that the love she felt for Dimitri was very different than the love she felt for Jeralt.
”Mmm.” Byleth squeezed her eyes shut again and winced as the familiar pain crept over her heart. She hadn’t had time to dissect her feelings for love for Dimitri, as all of their lives took such a dark and horrible turn in such a very short period of time. No sooner did she realize she was in love, she witnessed the murder of her own father. Not even the power of the Divine Pulse could save him. But when she sat in her father’s office reading his diary, feeling dark and ugly emotions choke the breath from her throat, Dimitri came to her. He stayed with her briefly but he comforted her, opening up to her about the tragedies he himself had suffered, but doing so in a way to ease her pain and not overshadow her grief with his own. She remembered sitting on the couch and staring up at Dimitri, vision blurred with tears, and she felt so relieved and lucky that she had chosen the Blue Lions and had fallen in love with him. While she’d also thought positively of Edelgard and Claude at that time, even back then she’d believed that had she been in the Black Eagles or Golden Deer House that neither of those House leaders would’ve come to see her in Jeralt’s office.
They surely would’ve come to see me eventually, but they...I believe they would’ve come to see me to fulfill their own agendas and not for my own wellbeing.
Byleth opened her eyes and stared down at the slumbering prince. Everything had happened so fast, and while she was able to avenge Jeralt’s death quickly, just as quickly they had discovered that their arch-nemesis, the person responsible for everything bad that had happened at the Monastery — it was all Edelgard. And with this revelation the mask that Dimitri had clung to, the person he had wanted to be, shattered into a millions pieces, just as he shattered Edelgard's Flame Emperor mask. And with the shattering of the mask, so did his mind shatter. And then Byleth was gone—asleep for five years while the world burned down around them and Dimitri sank further into the darkness. But now...
Byleth reached out with her free hand and brushed the bangs out of his face. Since he was laying his left side, the side of his face with the scar over his right eye faced her. His masks were gone, and she knew that when Dimitri woke up she would see the real Dimitri. The monster who had killed people, but also the man who wanted to make the world a better place.
I fell in love with him knowing that he was wearing a mask and hiding the darkness inside him. Now the darkness and the light have melded together into the man that's before me now. I wasn't here for him in the time he fell deep into the abyss, but I believe that I've pulled him out. It's up to me now to keep him in the light.
"Love you."
Byleth's head snapped up. She stared wide-eyed at Dimitri, but he was still asleep, clinging to her hand. She relaxed a little when she realized that he'd been talking in his sleep.
Not to me, though. He said the dead would visit him in his sleep. He's probably talking to his father or stepmother, because he loved them both very much.
She smiled and let his bangs fall back into his face. Even though she knew he hadn't been talking about her, Byleth kept her voice low as she gave a reply. "I love you, too."
Byleth didn’t remember falling asleep, but she woke up feeling warm and comfortable. Half-awake and half-asleep, she realized that her knees were resting on the floor, but her head—
She opened her eyes, realizing that her head was resting on a pillow. Dimitri was awake, face centimeters from hers, and staring at her.
Byleth didn’t register the look on his face. She sat up so suddenly that she felt dizzy and nearly toppled over. She planted her hands on his mattress to steady herself. “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I meant to sleep in the chair, but I must’ve sleepwalked and lay down next to you.”
Dimitri sat up, but he did so more carefully. “It’s quite fine, Professor. I should’ve considered that you had no place to sleep in here when I pressured you to stay.”
Byleth shook her head and closed her eyes when she felt dizzy again. “It wasn’t pressure, Dimitri. I wanted to be here with you and that’s why I stayed.” When she was confident that the worst of the dizziness was gone, she opened her eyes to look at him. The room was dim but she saw faint sunlight through the windows. It must have been dawn. “How are you feeling this morning?”
Dimitri shook his head. “...Strange. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life, but last night was the first full night sleep I’ve had in a decade.”
”How are your wounds?”
”Well...they ache, but—”
Byleth immediately raised her hand. “Heal.”
Dimitri flinched as the healing spell flowed over him. “How about now?” She asked when the spell faded.
”...Better,” he admitted reluctantly, his tone quiet. “But I must ask you not to waste any more spells on me.”
Byleth stared at him for a long moment. “Dimitri.”
”Yes?”
”Don’t talk like that again.” He looked at her, his face stricken. “There are many people who would die for you and have given their lives for you. You think you owe a due to the dead, but you must owe a due to the living. You cannot pay back your due or achieve your goals when you don’t give care to yourself.”
My goals...” Dimitri looked down. “My goal was vengeance. Are you telling me to continue perusing vengeance?”
”Do you want to?”
He looked up again. His mouth opened and closed a few times, but the words didn’t come out. Byleth took that as a very encouraging sign and reached out and held his chin with one hand. “Then how about this; while you relax here today, speak to yourself. Listen only to the sound of your own voice. Decide, with your voice and your convictions, what you want to do. Remember, there are people who would follow you to their graves. Whatever you decide to do, they will do as well. You are their leader and their rightful king. Whatever you decide to do not only impacts your life but their lives as well. Please keep that in mind.”
Dimitri slowly nodded. Byleth smiled at him and let him go. “I have to leave to go change and freshen up before the war council. I’ll stop by again later to check on how you’re doing, okay?” She slowly stood up and turned to leave.
”Professor?” Dimitri said suddenly. Byleth stopped, but didn’t fully turn around. “Y-You...I...last night...I...”
Byleth blinked slowly, keeping turned away. It had seemed like he’d been wanting to tell her something, but kept hesitating. What does he want to say? He’s already apologized.
”You told me last night,” Dimitri said finally. “That I needed to forgive myself. Not that I had to forgive Edelgard or the other people who have hurt me, or that I needed to win the forgiveness of the people I’ve hurt. But that I needed to forgive myself. What did you mean by that?”
Ah. Byleth almost breathed out a sigh of relief before she turned around to face him. “It was something I learned when Kronya...when my father died. Forgiveness is part of redemption. When I wanted to avenge my father’s murder, I abandoned you all in pursuit of his murderer. I took many risks to avenge him and I almost lost my life in the process. Because that, this...” she gestured to herself. “Happened to me. I was selfish in my desire to seek vengeance and it came at a great price. Everyone said that it was a blessing, but...” she throat tightened and she looked down. “Even after I got my vengeance, I was still in a dark place because even with Kronya dead my father was still dead.” And I lost Sothis in the process. “But I knew...I knew that if I kept wallowing on what I’d lost, and what I’d failed to do, that I would sink into darkness.”
“Like me,” Dimitri said quietly.
“I don’t mean it like that,” Byleth said softly. “But I realized that if wanted to move on, I needed to forgive. I needed to forgive myself for not being able to save my father. I needed to forgive myself for—this happening to me. Once I could forgive myself for that, I realized that I could even forgive Kronya for what she did. Hating her for killing my father like that felt like I had ingested poison and it had settled into my stomach slowly killing me. But when I let go of the hate and the guilt—the poison was gone. I-I wanted...” she wrung her hands slightly. “I wanted to teach this to you too, Dimitri. I’m so sorry that I didn’t come to you before.”
”You were gone though. And...And I probably wouldn’t have listened to you.” Dimitri looked up at her. “You...You compared your feelings of anger, grief, and hate to drinking poison. Do you believe that it’s the same as me? My due to the dead, the monster that I am...it’s just poison inside of me?”
”...Yes,” Byleth said quietly. “Poison that has been hurting you for a long time, but I believe like me that the antidote for your poison is forgiveness. But before you can forgive other people for hurting you, you need to forgive yourself for the pain you have inflicted upon yourself and the pain you’ve inflicted upon others. You need to forgive yourself for the Tragedy of Duscur. You need to forgive yourself for the lives you’ve taken and destroyed. And you need to forgive yourself for hurting yourself. Once you’re able to forgive yourself for everything...I believe that it will be easier for you to forgive others for their crimes against you.”
”I...” Dimitri looked down. “I have honestly never thought of it that way. Now that you say it though...it makes so much sense.”
”So that’s your assignment today,” Byleth said. “Do some soul-searching and self-evaluating, and do it by yourself. If the dead come to see you, don’t respond to them.”
Dimitri snorted. “Assignment...am I back in school now, Professor?”
”Well, we are at the Monastery.”
Dimitri snorted.
There was a quick knock at the door before it opened and Dedue stepped inside. “Your Highness, I—a-ah!” Dedue’s eyes went wide. “P-Professor! I-I didn’t realize—”
”Not to worry, I was just leaving,” Byleth reassured him, although she heard Dimitri sputtering behind her. “I will see you both later.”
”R-Right!” Dedue said, saluting.
Byleth smiled at Dimitri over her shoulder. “Remember what we talked about.”
I-I—yes,” Dimitri said, his face crimson.
Byleth took her leave from the room, though her heart felt heavy at leaving Dimitri. But he should be all right. I know he will make the right decision.
She turned to her left, and paused. Felix was there, leaning against the wall leading to the small corridor to his bedroom. His arms were folded over his chest and he wore his usual scowl. However, it looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep. “Felix,” she said, changing her tone. “I’m glad to see you. I—”
“If you’re going to offer me condolences, don’t bother,” Felix interrupted coldly. “It’s not necessary.”
She wasn’t surprised by his response to her, but she still felt guilty for not doing anything for him because her focus was on Dimitri. She was about to speak again when he raised a hand sharply. “I know what you’re about to say, and don’t. You were where you needed to be. I wasn’t alone. I was fine without you.”
Byleth nodded stiffly. “If-If that’s the case, then I’m relieved.”
”Hmm.” Felix turned to enter his room. He paused though and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “...Thank you.”
Byleth nodded again and didn’t say another word. Felix disappeared into his room and almost slammed the door behind him, but Byleth didn’t flinch. She looked towards Dimitri’s closed door one last time, and heard him talking to Dedue on the other side. Then she went on her way.
He’ll be all right now. We’ll all be right now. I’ll make sure of it.