Chapter Text
. . .
“M-m-my… my m-m-m-men will…” Tommy sighed in frustrated and closed his eyes tightly before he opened them again looked at Alfie who was watching him curiously, but patiently. “They’ll take care of your rum for you,” he finally finished, swallowing the lump in his throat.
Fuck if he was going to look weak in front of fucking Alfie Solomons. He had managed to finish his thought, but at what cost?
His fucking dignity, that’s what it was.
Alfie gave a nod of finality before he watched Tommy spit in his palm quickly and hold it out in expectation. The Jewish man raised his eyebrows but then did the same before shaking his hand, making the deal official.
Alfie cleared his throat before he leaned against his cane and looked at Tommy. “You know, mate, I know someone who might be able to help you with that stutter if you’re interested, Thomas. A good man, he is, and discrete.”
If Thomas Shelby hadn’t been embarrassed before, he sure as hell was now. He looked at Alfie and then turned on his heel before he showed himself out of the bakery. He found his way back to the boat right outside on the canal and hid himself away in the cabin underneath.
He let out a heavy sigh and buried his face in his hands.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
This wasn’t how the deal with Alfie was supposed to go. Tommy had to look impressive, in charge, powerful, and instead he found himself looking weak and pathetic. If he were a horse, his uncle would shoot him.
There was something wrong with him, something wrong in his genes. He had been like this as far as he could remember, and the only person who seemed to be able to keep their patience with him when he started stuttering was Ada.
She wasn’t sure how to help him, but God knows that she tried. Everyone else grew impatient, despite who he was, especially Arthur.
Finn, young but old enough to know the business and how it was run didn’t understand either, but he also didn’t remark on the speech impediment whenever it happened. He just waited until Tommy either walked out mid conversation in frustration, or waited until his older brother had finished his thought.
He grew up relatively normal, as normal as anyone who grew up in Small Heath would be, anyway. His parents had fought while his mother drank, and when she drank, she’d say hurtful things to him, about him. Tommy didn’t really blame either of them for his speech impediment, though. He just blamed himself.
By the time he arrived back home, he knew that he had to have a family meeting to let the others know what was going on with Shelby Company, Ltd. They hadn’t known about Tommy going to Camden to visit Alfie, or even knew much about him.
He told Finn to round everyone up for the meeting and walked into the room. Tommy grabbed some whiskey and poured half a glass for himself before taking a drink, hoping that maybe the liquid would help him relax enough to talk properly.
He hated looked so vulnerable in front of his own family. He despised it, maybe just as much as he despised himself.
After taking a couple sips as his family started to trickle in, he placed a cigarette between his lips and took a long drag from it before he exhaled slowly.
“Another family meeting? What the fuck is this one about then, Thomas?” Aunt Polly chided. “Couldn’t this one had been done yesterday with the other?”
“No, Pol,” Tommy spoke softly, simply.
He waited until everyone else was inside and then shut the door behind Ada as she came in as well. There was a small amount of chattering among them, but they ceased once they saw Thomas looking at them all.
He could feel anxiety starting to creep in, but he took another drag to help push it back down inside of him and then cleared his throat.
“Right, so I’ve made a deal with a man in Camden, that we would move his rum for him.”
He could see conflicted looks be exchanged all around the room, and he dared one of them to speak against him about it; he didn’t have to wait long.
“Fucking what?” Aunt Pol asked, in disbelief. “And you didn’t see it fit to pass it through any of us first? No voting?”
Tommy shook his head. “No voting, Pol. This wasn’t up to a vote. This was business to help move our business forward.”
“Fucking hell,” John swore, shaking his head in disbelief.
“What fucking man in Camden, Tom?” Arthur asked now, looking at him. “Who?”
Tommy’s anxiety increased another notch. He took another drink. “His name is… Alfie Solomons, and he is to be trusted among us,” he declared. “We discussed it and made a deal together, and now he’s a business partner.”
“For fuck’s sake, Tommy!” Arthur cursed him. “You’re trusting a Jew now, Tom? Everything needs to be put up to a family vote! We didn’t fucking vote on this as a family!”
Tommy could understand his brother’s anger towards him. For all means and purposes, he had every right to be upset right now. They had a system that their business was run, and this time, Thomas Shelby had simply bypassed all of them.
He sensed Arthur’s anger also had something to do with the own war in his head; Arthur had a routine, a way of doing things, and once that routine was upset, his world turned upside down and something broke inside his mind.
Similar to what happened to Tommy and his stuttering. He shouldn’t have been so anxious about Arthur as he was, but it was happening again, and he couldn’t stop it.
Thomas cleared his throat and found that his tongue failed him yet again. “Arthur, just f-f-f-fucking… stop,” he said to his brother. He finished his drink and nearly slammed it down as he continued to speak, despite his slip up. “This was business, Arthur! This business is to get our business going, get off the ground. T-T-T-This…” he cringed at himself and exhaled sharply, clenching his jaw.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Tommy… just get it out, will you?” Aunt Pol ordered.
The room was spinning now, and he was finding it difficult to take in air, but then somewhere in the room, he heard Ada’s gentle, patient voice.
“It’s all right, Tommy. Take your time, yeah? Just breathe.”
“Breathe? He can barely talk!” John snapped at her.
What the fuck was happening? He was supposed to be the one in charge, the only one talking, and John was right; he couldn’t even fucking talk.
This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. This was a fucking disaster.
Tommy tried to take Ada’s advice and took a deep breath before slowly letting it out, and then took another drag from his cigarette. The room stopped spinning, but he still felt that tightness squeezing his chest, tightening his tongue.
Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Just fucking shut up, all of you!” he yelled, “It’s done already! We’re moving his fucking rum, and that’s fucking that!”
There was a hushed silence that fell in the room now, all of their courage seemingly faltering at his anger. It was the only thing that made them listen to him at all.
“What do we get out of this deal then, Thomas,” Aunt Polly inquired, “of moving this ganger’s rum?”
Everyone’s eyes turned their attention back to him now, also wanting to know.
Tommy scratched absentmindedly at his temple and looked at her before looking around at the rest of his family. “We get money, Pol. We get money to get us off our feet and make the bar bigger and better. He’s giving us a thousand pounds to run his rum.”
This seemed to quiet her now, the prospect of Shelby Company Limited earning money in a short period of time. That’s all Aunt Polly cared about, was that the company didn’t go under and she wouldn’t have to worry how she was going to live.
He looked around at them, but made sure to not include Ada in this; she had been the only one not complaining about the deal.
“Any more fucking questions, then, eh?” He looked at Arthur pointedly who averted his eyes before he shook his head. “Good. Meeting’s over.”
They all started to leave the meeting room now, but Ada stayed behind after Aunt Polly left last. She made her way over to her brother and placed a kind hand on his shoulder.
“Are you all right?”
Tommy gave a soft hum now before he put his cigarette out and looked at her, loathing seeing the pity in her eyes. It was the same look he had seen from her growing up. It seemed worse seeing it now as adults.
“You did good, Tom,” she squeezed his arm softly.
He instantly shook his head. “No, Ada, I didn’t do good,” he brought this voice low even though they were the only two ones in the room. “What good am I if I can’t even fucking talk?”
She gave him a weak smile. “You’re good enough, Tommy. You are… fuck everyone else. You’re trying your best, I know you are. You obviously did well enough to make the deal with Alfie, right?”
He sighed through his nose, shaking his head, and scoffed. “I fucking… did it in front of him too, Ada. In the middle of the deal. I’m half surprised he didn’t laugh in my face and tell me to fuck off.”
She could see the frustration in her brother’s eyes and hear it in his voice. She stood in front of him now and looked up at him with soft eyes. “He didn’t laugh though, so… he obviously still took you seriously. That’s good, at least.”
Her tone was hopeful, but Tommy felt that there was no hope to be had.
“He told me he knew of a fucking doctor that could help me,” he shook his head. “I’m not going to pay someone to help me t-t-t-t…” he stammered before he punched the table with his fist in frustration. “Talk.”
How fucking ironic was it that he stuttered on the word talk?
She sighed gently, crossing her arms in front her chest. “If he can help you, maybe he’ll be worth it? It won’t kill you to get help, Tommy.”
“It might, actually, Ada.”
“Would you prefer to stutter your way through business dealings?” Her question was rhetorical but a part of him knew she was right. “I know I don’t have to be the one to tell you this, but I’m afraid it’ll put you in danger one day.”
He didn’t have to ask her how, because the very thought had crossed his own mind more than once. Tommy gave a thoughtful nod regardless, and his sister finally let the subject drop.
“So when are you going back to pick up the rum?”
Tommy lit up another cigarette. “A few days. Why, Ada?”
She looked a bit nervous now and dropped her arms from her chest. “I want someone to go with you when you do. Arthur or… John. I know this Alfie man was kind enough to you this time, but what if you… trip over yourself again next time and he’s not as kind about it?”
Tommy shook his head. He’d be damned if he were going to take the two brothers who were most impatient with him and questioned his every motive at every turn. “I’ll take Finn with me.”
Ada scoffed now. “You will not!”
He met her eyes now, knowing the thoughts that were in her head. “He’s not a boy anymore, Ada. He’s old enough for man’s business, yeah? Let him be a man. I won’t let anything happen to him. I’ll bring him back in one piece.”
Ada sighed heavily, looking at Tommy hesitantly. They both knew that she didn’t truly have a say in the matter, though. Finn wasn’t her son.
He didn’t wait for her reply before he walked out of the room, grabbing his cigarette case and his matches before stuffing them in his coat. He’d be dead before he decided to go to a doctor, and if Alfie thought him a joke and decided that Thomas Shelby wasn’t worth his time or his presence, then so be it.
Put him out of his fucking misery.
What good was Tommy if he couldn’t even be taken seriously? He was Shelby Company Limited. Without him, there was no company. There was no business, and if he was dead, then there’d be no family.
Everything rode on his shoulders.
He locked himself away from his family until the day he had to go back to Camden. He got dressed and practiced talking to himself in the fucking mirror even, trying to get his words out but it was fucking ridiculous, to be honest.
He was practicing hypothetical conversations he probably wouldn’t even end up having with Alfie, but he didn’t know what else to say to himself.
The anxiety inside of him was too much. It just grew bigger and bigger with every passing minute. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and just decided to leave early. He picked up Finn at his flat in Watery Lane and got on the boat with him.
The two men didn’t talk much on the way there, but it was the last ten minutes some hours later where Finn had become antsy and talkative.
“What’s Alfie Solomons like, Tom?”
Tommy sat up and rubbed his eyes, having been taking a nap and only had woken up a few minutes ago. “Hm?”
“Alfie, what’s he like?”
There was an uneasiness in his younger brother’s voice and Tommy almost felt bad for him, but he wasn’t a little boy anymore, as he had reminded Ada earlier; he was about the same age as Tommy had been when he had cut his first man.
He couldn’t think of how to describe Alfie though. Finally, words came to him.
“He’s a good man to know,” he finally answered after a few minutes. It was difficult to describe a giant like Alfie Solomons. He was powerful as well, like Tommy. “He’s not a force to be reckoned with , Finn.”
The younger Shelby man nodded. “So… what do you want me to do?”
Tommy thought back to Ada’s words from a few days ago, and then pulled out a second pistol that he had stashed away in his coat. “I want you to help Alfie’s men load up the boat with the rum, Finn,” he ordered gently before checking the pistol and making sure it was loaded before he handed it to his brother. “Don’t use it, unless you feel threatened, yeah?”
He looked at the gun with wide eyes but then nodded before he took it and put it in his own coat.
The boat finally made a jolted stop and both of them got out in time to see Alfie walking towards them in his large stature. He held his hand out to Thomas to shake, which he did briefly and then looked at Finn.
“Ah right, is this your brother then, Tommy?”
He gave a nod. “Yes, this is my brother Finn. He’ll help your men put the rum in the boat.”
Alfie sized up Finn quickly and then nodded approvingly. “Yeah, that sounds good. Let’s talk in my office while they do that then, right?” He didn’t give Tommy any room to argue before leading him inside the large bakery and up to his office.
Tommy felt tense as he heard Alfie close the door and lock it, obviously not wanting them to be interrupted. He took out his cigarette case and placed a fag between his lips before he lit it with a match, shaking it out once he was done. He took a drag.
Alfie shook his head disapprovingly. “Every time I see you, you’re putting fuckin’ poisons in your body, Tommy…”
“You make rum, Alfie,” Tommy replied quietly. “You never taste any of it yourself?”
Alfie looked at him now with an unreadable expression before he sniffed. “Of course I taste it, but I don’t… overindulge like yourself and your people do. You and those fuckin’ cigarettes though, mate. Those will kill you faster than anything, I imagine. The rate I’ve seen you smoke those terrible things, I don’t expect we’ll still be doing business together in five years.”
Tommy decided to ignore his lecture. “Why did you want to talk alone, Alfie?” He looked out the window of the office, but of course he couldn’t see Finn. He forced himself to look back at the other man.
“I’ve heard a lot of interesting things about you, Thomas Shelby, right, but I figured since we’re business associates now, I should get to know you better, yeah?” Alfie half sat, half stood by his desk and crossed his arms in front of him as he looked down at Tommy.
“Don’t believe everything you hear, Alfie.” He took another drag.
“The funny thing about rumors and fuckin’ gossip is that there’s usually a half truth to them. For instance, I heard that your mum fell into the canal and drowned. Is that true, Tom?”
He swallowed hard now, and cleared his throat even though the anxiety inside of him suddenly was blowing up like a balloon inside his lungs and chest, tightening around his throat. He took another drag of his cigarette but found that it was only making everything worse.
“Y-y-y-yes….” Tommy stuttered before internally cursing himself. He cleared his throat. This was a hell of a time to show weakness if ever there was one. Maybe Alfie was doing this on purpose to him.
Alfie still watched him, but there was something in his eyes that were different that he hadn’t noticed before. He couldn’t identify what it was, though. He didn’t say anything, so Tommy decided to keep talking, despite his hang up.
“She didn’t fall into the cut,” Tommy explained now. “She d-d-d-d…” he stopped his thought, clenching his jaw in frustration as he angrily put his cigarette out in the nearby ashtray. “S-S-She…” He hesitated, and then tightly shut his eyes.
Fuck. It was worse today.
To his surprise, he heard Alfie’s usually firm voice become calm. “It’s all right, Tom, innit. Just take your time. Try taking a breath, right. It’ll help some.”
It was Ada’s words coming out of Alfie’s mouth.
Tommy found himself obeying the other man and slowly inhaled before he exhaled again. He did it a couple more times before he found himself relaxing a bit finally. He opened his eyes slowly and looked at Alfie who looked like he had all the time in the world to wait for Tommy.
“Better, mate? Right, now go on.”
Tommy wet his lips before he tried again. “She didn’t fall in the cut. She purposely threw herself in there, but she did die from drowning.”
Alfie looked strangely satisfied, a look in his eyes now that Tommy identified as pride. “See? I knew you could get there in the end, didn’t I? Also, like I said, there’s always a half truth to these things…”
Tommy didn’t say anything, but simply gave a curt nod.
“Don’t suppose you’ve gone to see anyone about your speaking disability, have you?” Alfie asked curiously now. When Tommy shook his head, there was the same look of pity in his eyes as Thomas had seen in his sister’s. “You’re a man of few words, Thomas. I can understand why, of course… can’t say I fuckin’ blame you, can I? I’d probably be the same if I were you.”
Fucking hell. Was any of this suppose to put his mind at ease?
“Are we through here, Alfie?”
The other man narrowed his eyes at Tommy, but it wasn’t out of anger. It was like Alfie was trying to understand his business partner better. It was innocent enough.
“I don’t know why I’m doing this, right, but I’m going to give you someone’s number,” Alfie spoke as he grabbed a piece of paper and flipped it over before he started to write down something. “He’s a decent enough man, right. He specializes in these types of things. He helped someone else I knew, and I think he’d do you some good.”
He held out the piece of paper to Tommy, who reached out and grabbed it, their fingers momentarily grazing before Tommy folded the piece of paper up and tucked it away in his jacket pocket.
“What, not going to even look at it?” When Tommy shook his head, Alfie shrugged. “Fine, mate. Do whatever the fuck you want with it, then, I suppose. Fuck me for trying to be helpful, yeah? Just trying to be a decent fucking person, right.”
Tommy slowly stood up now and he found himself thinking how Alfie had been so patient with him earlier, and felt mystified. He still hadn’t laughed in his face or tried to rush him into speaking, or anything like that; he had been the same way Ada was with him.
He fixed his coat and then looked at Alfie. “Thank you, Alfie,” he spoke quietly now, searching his face.
Alfie looked at him curiously but nodded before giving a dismissive wave. “’s nothing, Tom. Go ahead. You can fuck off now if you like,” he shrugged, his words no longer having bite behind them.
Tommy couldn’t shake the emotions he was feeling now as he walked out of the office and headed outside, praying that Finn hadn’t had to shoot any of his men while he had been trapped in Alfie’s office for all that time.
When he came out, only a few of the men were standing there, keeping an eye on Finn, but their guns were at their sides. Tommy looked at his brother now.
“Rum loaded up?” Finn nodded. “Good. Come on, Finn. Let’s go back home.”
The two men made themselves at home on the boat once more as it started back home to Birmingham. As Tommy went down for a nap, he found that he couldn’t get his mind off his new business partner.