Archive of Our Own ^beta

But now…but now he didn’t have an instrument to distract his fingertips, watching how something deeper than annoyance flickered onto Ienzo’s features, eyes break from the hastily scrawled pages of a report to the offended hand before back to his reading, muttering something quietly under his breath.

He’s switched his breathing, in through the nose, out through the mouth. A calming technique. Was Ienzo anxious or something else? Demyx cocking his head to the side as he tried to figure out his new found puzzle. As Zexion, he’d simply fix him a flat stare and sigh to exhibit his annoyance with him, name him a fool and go back to ignoring him but with Ienzo it was different, his reactions more extreme in the short term before simmering off into seemingly nothing.

Demyx wanted to know more.

Wants to know the differences between the two, were they as similar as Axel and Lea or were they the polar opposite, Ienzo had already provided evidence for this. The shock of seeing him and the hesitation to move forward, the way he’d cried when reunited with his father, it was different but good, an unexpected surprise that had only served to hook him in.

Perhaps its selfish to want more, Demyx contemplates, deciding to put his focus elsewhere, the computer he’d more or less draped himself across, the tea stain on Ienzo’s lab coat on the cuff of his left sleeve, maybe even the black screens on the other side of the lab that had put themselves to sleep about twenty minute ago. Anywhere other than Ienzo before his mind started to-

“You keep frowning like that and I’ll start to think you’re not Demyx.”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been quiet for thirty minutes and now you’re frowning at nothing.” He teases, Demyx enraptured by the small, almost shy smile on the other’s lips to the point he forgets to react to the comment, seeming frozen in time as he takes it in. Oh, he could get used to Ienzo smiling at him like that oh too easily Demyx staring dumbfoundedly as Ienzo spoke again only for nothing to register, Ienzo raising a brow at him as that smile almost, almost, broke into a grin.

“What did you say Zex- I mean Ienzo, I didn’t hear you.”

“Nothing important.”

He’s teasing him again, standing from the desk and stretching, a resounding crack that made Demyx wince whilst Ienzo just sighed, as if relieved to hear it as opposed to somewhat horrified. “I think…I think I need a cup of tea; I’ll be back shortly. Please don’t touch anything.”

And he doesn’t. He just sits and watches the way Ienzo goes, wondering if he had missed truly was important or not.

It becomes routine, after a while, for Demyx to come by the lab after he’d finished his rounds, watching the shorter man as he worked, making mental note after mental note of the little changes in emotion and watching for the flashes, as Demyx now referred to them.

Fleeting yet fascinating, it feels strange this role reversal, where Demyx becomes the scientist and Ienzo the unknowing test subject, watching anger flash in blue eyes before resigning quickly to neutrality and ultimately to something sadder, guilt perhaps? Demyx had felt it enough himself but had never really seen it worn by someone else so clearly.

“You need a break.” He states, eyes flicking up from the screen to fix the Nobody with a reluctant stare, looking torn between arguing against the request and accepting it, pale hands coming up to Ienzo’s neck, picking at something just hidden by the collar. Another new thing he’d noticed, he picks at his neck when nervous or overloaded, Demyx contemplating stepping down before shaking his head. “A small break might clear your head and help you think straight.”

Ienzo snorts, rolling his eyes insolently like he’d heard this a thousand times before, no doubt from Aeleus or Even, the latter always seeming to hover around like a mother hen whenever the older scientist was with Ienzo, seemingly unaware of Demyx’s presence or, the more likely, choosing to ignore him all together. But still, the young man gets up, shedding his lab coat before discarding it on his chair and walking away from the desk, pausing to turn only when he didn’t hear following footsteps.

“Well?”

“Well what?”

He clicks his tongue, fixing Demyx with a stare only a fraction less intense than something Zexion would wear when scolding him. “You, me, break.” Short and sweet, straight to the point with little room to argue, not that Demyx ever would have, scrambling upwards to his feet, practically bouncing along with Ienzo to first the kitchen and then the gardens.

They take seat by a wall fountain, the stress in Ienzo seeming to melt away with the sound of the flowing water, slouching against the cold wall and nursing the cup of tea in his hands like it was the only thing still tethering the scientist to the mortal coil. He looks younger somehow, pinning his hair back with one hand as he sipped his tea, the slight breeze seemingly an ever-present threat to tarnishing both Ienzo’s drink and hair.

“You know, I could probably get you a headband or some clips after my next shift.”

“Wouldn’t want to be a bother.”

You’re never a bother, he thinks, a thought and belief he’s held for long enough now that he’s fairly certain it was incapable of changing into anything but. He’s talking again, eyes lighting up with almost childlike curiosity as Ienzo talks about his latest project, the thing that had been bothering up until the point Demyx had requested he take a break.

“Aerith asked me to look for someone.” The flower girl, a sweet woman who always brought flowers into the office when he dropped by to pick up the mail for the day, the only person he’d seen so far that could lecture his new boss on something without the Blonde glaring as fiercely at her as he had done with any irate customer who came in to complain about a delay or lost delivery. “Something about your boss and an old friend.”

“He has friends?” It’s a jest and he’s thankful when Ienzo smiles at it, unsure of it the younger man had ever met his grumpy boss, Cloud, to fully grasp the concept. Probably not, he only left the lab to eat, sleep and when someone bothered him enough to get out of his chair but, even then, he only went as far as the gardens. “I thought finding someone would be easy, you’ve got the database all set up, right?”

“Right but…” Ienzo pauses, the guilt creeping bag in as he seemingly sags under the weight of it, “but most of them are on world or I have a decent description of. I only have a name to go by and the barest hope that maybe one of the keyblade wielders has heard of him.”

Again, he’s scratching at his neck, frowning at the flowers opposite the pair almost intense enough to make them wilt under the seer force of it. A distraction, perhaps, to get his mind off of the thoughts of anxious and inadequacy that were surely plaguing him. “It’s a weird name don’t you think?”

“What is?”

“Cloud.”

There’s a pause, Ienzo freezing before he laughs, genuinely, Demyx struck by just how magical it sounded as shoulders quaked, racked by humour. He wants to hear this again, never thinking that he’d ever get the other to laugh so mirthfully, Ienzo wiping his face before fitting Demyx with a look like he was about to break down into giggles at any moment.

“Really?”

“Well yeah, it’s a dumb name”

“Your name is Demyx.”

“I didn’t pick my name!”

He starts laughing again, leaning against Demyx this time as he tried to temper the amusement down, covering his mouth as giggles threatened to bubble up all over again. “I don’t think he picked his name either, besides people in glass houses should not be throwing bricks.”

“I will throw bricks and stand proudly in the shattered remains of my hypocrisy.”

Ienzo is silent for perhaps a moment too long, Demyx shifting unconsciously under the gaze before shrugging and laughing to himself again. “I never knew you to be so eloquent.” It feels like a compliment so he’ll take it, Demyx hating the bubbling embarrassment at the other’s words, wondering if there would ever be a moment he doesn’t fluster at praise. It didn’t have to be from Ienzo, he’d nearly crumbled under the kind words of an elderly lady over a simple flower delivery.

“Might have picked up a thing or two from some guy I know.” He huffs, hoping Ienzo doesn’t pursue the subject and, much to Demyx’s relief, he doesn’t, simply humming and sipping his tea, a silence descending on the pair that is neither uncomfortable or stifling, just he sound of birds, the town below and the pouring water of the fountain acting as the only thing rupturing the otherwise serene silence.

The scientist is still leaning against him, Demyx choosing not to focus on the proximity, the way Ienzo seemed to fit just right there or the way the cavity in his chest seemed to thud, the echoing thunder within it hopefully not that noticeable either on his face or to the man leant against him. It might have been just minutes but, honestly, Demyx wishes it had been hours, Ienzo finally removing himself from Demyx to stand, offering a hand to the other.

“Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Making me take a break and listening.”

He takes Ienzo’s hand then, pushing himself up more than letting the other pull him up but he finds he doesn’t mind, hesitating before letting go of the hand in his and mentally cursing himself as Ienzo, seemingly oblivious, made his way back to the castle without him. So much for observing his emotional changes, Demyx conceded, running a hand through his hair and refraining from just pulling at it. It’ll be fine, he supposes, following after Ienzo slowly as he attempted to get his thoughts together.

They meet outside the lab for once, Demyx finding the scientist in the kitchen as opposed to his usual place, lab coat abandoned once more in favour for an apron, the Nobody wondering how long he could linger in the doorway before Ienzo spoke up and summoned him forward. Maybe a while, he thinks, laughing under his breath, Ienzo was by no means unobservant but often lost himself in things, leaving him open to surprise on an almost regular basis.

His observations have become interesting, to say the least, notebook now brimming with excerpts and examples of how Ienzo reacted to things and how they differed from a typical human. Examples of how he’d exploded at Even in an argument the week before and how he’d crumpled as soon as he was away from the older scientist, looking to Demyx of all creatures to help him assess how he’d reacted.

A Human asking a Nobody how to feel, life truly was stranger than fiction.

“You know it’s rude to stare.” So Ienzo had noticed him, a small smile betraying the amusement the smaller man had in interrupting whatever it as that Demyx was thinking about. He’s wearing the headband that Demyx brought him, an admittedly joke purchase of the most ocean-based thing he could find in Radiant Garden, never expecting Ienzo to ever wear and yet, here they were, clownfish still visible even with the mass of hair doing its best to obscure it.

“Just thinking.” No lie to his words but not exactly a full truth either, Ienzo giving him an almost sceptical look before turning back to the chopping board, ignoring the blonde in favour of some shallots and garlic. Coming over to the join the other, Demyx takes seat at the worn kitchen table, far enough to be out of Ienzo’s space but close enough to notice the changes in body language, perhaps for the best considering his upcoming questions.

“Don’t strain yourself.” Ienzo retorts without hesitation, a small bounce in his step as he scraped the food from the chopping board into the frying pan, stirring once then twice before turning his attention back to the pile of ingredients nearby. “Should I even ask what about?”

“You, actually.”

Had he meant to be so honest? Demyx has no idea, biting his lip as he waited for Ienzo to react. Would he laugh or sneer? What response was he due to receive from the scientist who was simultaneously an open book and an enigma to him? He’s not entirely sure he wants to find out now that the silence has dragged on.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, about the conversation we had the other day.”

The silence is back, nothing but the sizzling of oil filling the air as Ienzo fell still, as if Demyx’s words had short circuited him, only moving when food began to catch, quickly chopping the rest of the meat on his board before adding it, a shaky breath before hands are under the tap. “I thought…we’re less likely to be interrupted in here, aren’t we?”

He’s never been here when Ienzo is cooking but he knows the labs and gardens at least always lead to another apprentice making an appearance and, if not them, then a keyblade wielder or former colleague that only served to quickly change the subject into something less important or for their conversations to die all together. Maybe Ienzo’s room but then, no, it wouldn’t do, someone would still interrupt them there.

“Yes but…” Ienzo trails off, rubbing his hands a little too harshly dry and swallowing, looking almost like a lost child as he looked between the stove and the kitchen table. “But I’m not sure if I…”

Demyx is ready for it this time, grasping the hand as it comes up to his neck, weaving fingers together where possible and giving his hand a light squeeze. Were his hands always this cold? Demyx wonders, taking in the shocked look of Ienzo and offering a small smile in response. No time for grins or quips, just open expressions and apprehension, pans moved off the heat before the smaller man can further burn his food. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, not until you’re ready.”

A tanned thumb rubs lines into the side of a pale palm, the focus back on breathing correctly in a bid to calm nerves and settle his old soul, Demyx watching as eyes closed and breaths came in slowly, a face slowly easing back into calmness after painting a picture so anxious it tugged and tangled his heart strings. He could kiss him, lord knows she wants to, biting his lower lip as he went over why that would be a bad idea over and over again, an inner mantra that he could not ignore.

He’ll be mad at you. He doesn’t feel the same way. He won’t want to be near you again after this.  Just because he’s nice to you and treats you humanely doesn’t mean he wants you.

Demyx has taken risks but this time, this time he’s not sure it was worth it.

“I want to I just…”

“You just can’t get it into words?” Demyx fills in, Ienzo sighing and nodding, finally opening his eyes only to avert them to the side, face screwing as if trying to process a thought before Ienzo sighs. Hit the nail on the head there, Demyx surmises, giving the other’s hand yet another squeeze in hope of either encouraging him to speak or reassurance, which ever Ienzo had the most need for at that moment. “Or is it something else?”

“Something else. Maybe. I’m not honestly sure.” He pulls his hand away then, wiggling it out of his grasp and pulling the pan back onto the ring, breathing slowly, exhaling and continuing on like the exchange hadn’t just happened. It’s not long before the sizzling is back, Demyx feeling somewhat lost in the kitchen as he waits for Ienzo to do something, unsure as to where his sudden cowardice to chase the conversation had come from. “It’s easier to ramble my thoughts if I keep my hands busy.”

It clears up nothing and yet everything, Demyx’s mouth forming a small o as Ienzo hums, adding more ingredients to the pot, the tension in his shoulders seemingly melting away with every movement and stir.  

“I’ve gone from bare traces of feelings for so long that now that I feel them at the level I should, it almost feels like drowning. My annoyance is anger and my anger is loathing, my insecurities scream at me deafeningly during the long nights and the moments alone in the lab when I can’t find answers.” He whispers his words, barely audible over the hissing of oil meeting stock, Demyx about catching the sight of downturned eyes and the accompanying frown. “Things that bring me joy make my heart pound louder than sirens and bells, my excitement and happiness over the littlest of things exceeds expectations in displays that are hard to tamper down.”

He sighs, anger bubbling back to the surface, movements becoming jagged, aggressive almost as he spat out his next words. “It’s ridiculous, I’m not- “

“I don’t think its ridiculous.” Demyx intersects, hand taking rest on Ienzo’s forearm as the other freezes once more, biting into his lower lip in a way that looks a touch too painful but now wasn’t the time to lecture, not that Demyx would have done that anyway. “You’ve gone from drips to an over spilling sink, you’re bound to struggle.”

The laugh surprises him, somewhat strangled and a bit raw, like Ienzo is using it to hide another emotion entirely from spilling from his lips. “When did you start making sense?” He chokes out, the heel of his hand wiping his eyes, perhaps wishing he hadn’t pinned his hair back so entirely.

“I always have,” it’s just nobody ever cares to listen.

The market is simultaneously busy enough for him to blend into the crowd but also empty enough that he’s had the ability to occupy the bench by Aerith’s for a solid 40 minutes without being interrupted by anyone beyond the aforementioned shop keeper who had simply brought him a drink and left after asking him if he was okay, slipping a flower behind his ear before leaving after confirming he was.

There’s something unnerving about her, though what caused Demyx to feel on edge around her he couldn’t place, assuming it was down to how she always seemed to know what had, is and would happen in the foreseeable future if you so much as stepped within five feet of her, her comment of how he could always give the flower to his friend if he didn’t want it making Demyx ask himself if he was so obvious that this practical stranger had sussed him out already.

It’s been eight days since the kitchen confession, Demyx knowing he wasn’t intending to ignore Ienzo but his feet had led him to this bench as opposed to the castle, pouring over his notes on Ienzo’s emotional state and the table of differences he’d made between both Zexion and Ienzo. The table was simple, almost childlike, one worded differences in lists under a name and a poorly drawn doodle of both sides of the coin, Demyx cursing himself as he realises the small hearts he’d drawn as almost a halo around Ienzo.

Oh, he’s a fool, staring at the page, blinking rapidly as if trying to erase the obvious signs of his affection as if Ienzo would ever see his scrawled notes that he was the subject to. Why would he? Demyx knew better than to expose himself like this to anyone, never mind the other, already shuddering at the imagined looks of the other apprentices and the laughter of everyone else.

“Looks like a twelve year old when hair is pinned back…is that supposed to be me at the bottom?”

Demyx jumps, yelling as he sends his notebook flying, scrambling to catch it, preparing to turn and shout at whoever had surprise him only to falter and clamp his mouth shut at the sight of Ienzo, still leaning over slightly and looking only marginally apologetic for scarring him. He’s lucky he’s cute.

“Is what you?”

Acting oblivious is perhaps not his best move, Ienzo fixing him a look that is filled with scepticism as he undoubtedly sees through Demyx’s façade, taking seat beside Demyx on the bench, slouching as he sighed. It’s not stressed this time, relieved, ecstatic almost, barely able to hide the pride from his features, relaxing in the silence that stretched between them. “Anyway, what brings you down into Radiant Garden? You normally don’t leave the castle unless I bribe you.”

“I found him.” He’s not seen the other’s eyes ever light up like that before, Demyx leaning back slightly as Ienzo leaned towards him, almost blinded by the sheer enthusiasm. Normally he’d make a comment, tell Ienzo to calm down for a second but the saccharine hit of endorphins that seemed to be flooding the human’s system was simply too irresistible to try and dampen. “I found Zack Fair!”

That would explain the lack of fanfare that would have come from finding Sora, he supposes, Demyx looking over Ienzo’s shoulder to his work place, Cloud in conversation with Leon and Cid looking stressed, before looking back to Ienzo and swallowing. The urge to kiss him is back, seemingly stronger than ever. “Knew you could, where was he then?”

“Game Central Station. Can’t say I’ve heard of it either but I got a name match at least.”

He continues to talk, Demyx just watching how animated Ienzo became with every word over what the finding of a new world meant, explaining his work with such vigour that Demyx responds without thinking, tucking a flyaway piece of hair back where it belonged having dislodged itself during the enthusiasm. Fingers trail along a pale jaw, tilting Ienzo’s chin up, swallowing thickly as his movements came to a standstill.

Maybe he should kiss him, maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing after all.

But, as with all things, he’s interrupted, wincing at Cloud calling his name before sighing, dumping his notebook into Ienzo’s hands unceremoniously, huffing as he stood before giving the other an apologetic look. “Sorry, duty calls.”

He’s going to regret giving Ienzo his notebook, isn’t he? Perhaps, but the flushed look of Ienzo was a fair enough trade for him, silently hoping he hadn’t ruined the one friendship he truly cared for.

Three days until he sees Ienzo again and, for once Demyx isn’t sure if he’s unhappy that it took so long or that the break hadn’t lasted longer, still fighting the urge to run as he stands in the courtyard, holding what felt like a suspiciously empty box, the fragile stickers slapped across the brown paper being the only thing stopping the Nobody from just shaking the package.

From off world too, memories of Marluxia mentioning the Kingdom of Corona when he was still with the Organisation and Xehanort, a place of flowers and a princess with long hair trapped in a tower. Half the other worlds sounded like fairy tales, myths and legends but then Demyx knew full well they were. The Underworld still made him shiver, an itch he just couldn’t scratch.

Which wielder sent it? He wonders, Aqua being the safest bet of the lot of them, having gained enough of an impression of her from those talking about her to know she seemed the type to send something between worlds. Though, why she had to address it to the lab and not somebody specific he does not know, Demyx glaring at the package like it had gravely insulted him before heading in.

Perhaps the lab would be empty, Ienzo may spend most of his time in there but not all of it. He’s on a tea break, Demyx reasons with himself, finally took the initiative on his limits as a person and acted before he over worked himself yet again. It had, in part, been the reason for Ienzo’s argument with Even and Demyx can only dream that the message Even had been trying to get across had stuck.

Apparently not, Demyx sighs with resignation.

Sat at his desk as opposed to a computer, Ienzo had, of course, elected to take his break not outside of the lab but still in it, one hand nursing a chipped cup of tea whilst the other tapped a pen against the note book he was writing in, taking a brief break to think before noting something down again.

Maybe if he’s quiet he won’t be noticed, his cowardice coming back full force in the face of his feelings and it’s ridiculous, he believes, knowing full well he would have kissed the other the last time he’d seen him had the pair not been interrupted. Depositing the box is not the issue, the pen he sends clattering to the floor is, the noise seeming to become the loudest thing in existence, echoing beyond the walls of the lab and maybe out into the town square.

“If this is how you are when you’re trying to be stealthy, I see why you were always on public reconnaissance.”

He teasing him, still looking down at whatever he’s working on but humour still pulls of his lips to create some endearing mix of a smile and a smirk. Only on Ienzo would he find that expression endearing. It wouldn’t be wrong of him to think that maybe Ienzo hadn’t read his notebook after all, Demyx edging closer akin to a caged animal, swallowing back his fear of the situation.

Ienzo hadn’t read it. Ienzo was not aware he’d kept a notebook on his emotional ticks. Ienzo hadn’t delved into an admittedly creepy book containing both his thoughts about the newly reformed human and the differences between both himself and Zexion.

Only he had.

Demyx pales as he sees the notebook open, swiftly turning on his heel and making way to leave only for a hand to stop him, gripping the back of his jacket tight enough to stop him but loose enough to let him leave if he wanted to. He doesn’t. Despite the shame and feeling of regret welling up in him as Ienzo continues to hold the back of his jacket in silence.

Should he break it or leave it hanging? A spike of panic rising in his chest as the hand gripping him tightens, mumbling an inward prayer to himself for a favourable outcome as the silence is finally shattered. “I added another column, you’re rather observant when you want to be.”

He…What?

Turning back to face Ienzo and his work, Demyx takes note of the additional page ripped out from elsewhere in the book and stuck in, creases along the tape where the page had been folded in to keep it from sticking out. So there was another one, Demyx just about able to make out the words Child Ienzo from chicken scrawl, biting back a laugh at both the way his writing was better than an apprentice of Ansem’s but also the words written.

Little Weirdo. Quiet. Shy. Withdrawn.

Words from the other apprentices no doubt, Demyx sure he could place who had said what from what he had known of them whilst in the Organisation. But before he can even voice his guesses he’s distracted by the small doodle at the bottom, better than his vague barely Ienzo or Zexion doodles, of what Demyx guesses to be a child Ienzo. Miniature lab coat, neutral if not sour expression and ice cream? He’d never taken Ienzo to have a sweet tooth.

“There was one other thing…” Ienzo’s voice is gentle, fingers pulling at the hemline of his sweater vest as he looked down from the desk to his lap, breathing in the nose and out the mouth as he always did whenever the anxiety seeped into his system.

This was it. This was the time of his rejection, Demyx preparing himself to act like it was nothing, just water off of a duck’s back and nothing to be concerned about. “Look, you don’t have to-“

“I don’t really have days off but Even and Ansem both force me to take the afternoon off on Tuesday and Friday.”

Demyx can’t see his face but he can see the colour creeping along the other’s neck, hands still wringing the sweaters hemline almost to the point of distortion and oh.

Oh!

It finally clicks, Demyx biting his lip to stop himself from shouting in triumph, leaning down in one fail swoop to press a kiss to Ienzo’s cheek as the giddy energy eviscerated any self-doubt and regret he’d been stewing in for the past three days. “Then I will see you tomorrow, Zo.” The skip in his step is unmissable, practically bouncing out of the lab to finish his round so he can plan for tomorrow.

And if Ienzo hears his shout of celebration as the lab doors close, he doesn’t mention it.