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jiang cheng just couldnt figure it out. nie huaisang was the clueless head-shaker, wasnt he? but why... why did he get such an unsettling feeling from him that day at guanyin temple, the day that jin guangyao died.
as the feeling dropped into the pit of his stomach, it felt like time stopped and rewound to the first time his heart skipped a beat.
he remembered the way that long, dark hair fell over nie huaisangs shoulders, his eyes seemingly focused on the running river inside the cloud recesses, the delicate white robes of the lans framing his body perfectly, and his hand painted fan covering his lower face. he remembered it all too clearly.
‘why is he hiding his face?’ jiang cheng had thought, awestruck by the beauty of his friend. he wanted to see him.
the feeling of blood rushing to his cheeks when nie huaisang finally noticed him, giving him the warmest smile he'd ever seen, and boy, did it make him feel tingly at the fingertips.
he remembered another time, sitting so close to him—by nie huaisangs doing—that he could feel the heat radiating off of nie huaisangs body. the way their hands would bump against each other every few minutes and how neither of them seemed to mind. the stifled giggles at every unfunny thing wei wuxian would say while jiang chengs reactions were just scowls. perhaps they were scowls of jealousy.
but there was one memory that replayed in his mind every night, ever since it happened, ever since he realized what he was feeling and... ever since the heartbreak finally set in.
that one night, the night that changed jiang cheng a little too much, the night that they got a little too close.
"jiang cheng?" nie huaisang spoke, fanning himself despite the cool breeze that washed over them.
"what?" he grunted in return.
the expression that he made eye contact with made his heart stop; nie huaisang looked on the verge of tears. why? is he okay? he looked like a fragile lotus flower, drifting along the sea where it didn't belong.
nie huaisang was a lotus flower... he want him to be his lotus flower.
"will i see you again?"
oh. right.
it was their last day at the cloud recesses. jiang cheng was going back to lotus pier, and nie huaisang to the unclean realm. who's to say they would ever see each other again? no one. because no one knew, and yet jiang cheng had a feeling it was very unlikely.
"don't be stupid, of course we will." he scrunched up his face, as if he'd heard the dumbest thing ever, even dumber than anything wei wuxian has said.
he could see the relief ease into nie huaisang, watching his shoulders fall from their previously tense state. he deemed that reaction acceptable and turned his attention back to the mountains.
"a-cheng, i want to see you again."
"you will, quit thinking about it."
"promise?"
jiang cheng blinked, looking back at him and seeing he had moved closer, fan clutched in his hands as if it was his lifeline.
"dont be ridiculous!" he huffed, but nie huaisang pushed it, getting closer, grabbing ahold of jiang chengs sleeve.
"h-hey—" he tried to protest.
"no. promise me."
there was a long silence, just the two staring into each others eyes. jiang cheng searched the dark orbs before him, trying to find anything, but only seeing desperation and hope.
he gulped.
"i promise."
nie huaisang smiled so wide and ended up jumping at the latter, causing jiang cheng to stumble backwards, landing on his back with a slightly smaller figure pinning him down.
jiang cheng felt nie huaisang snake his arms around his neck, and stiffened. he wasn't used to physical contact, much less any kind of 'love'. so, naturally, he just let his arms lay flat at his side.
'fuck,' jiang cheng thought.
"im sorry, i know you're not used to this," he heard come from nie huaisang, muffled by jiang chengs shoulder, "but please, just a bit longer..."
he began to sweat, he wanted so badly to accept nie huaisangs embrace.
so badly that, when huaisang began to loosen his grip and start to get up, jiang cheng panicked and wrapped his arms around his waist, tightly. he squeaked, but returned the hug anyway, and squeezed jiang cheng tighter.
jiang cheng was sure that nie huaisang heard, and probably felt, his heart trying to beat out of his chest, yet he didnt say a thing.
they laid there for a few long minutes, basking in each others embrace as jiang cheng mind raced with similar thoughts of "i want to kiss him", and "what would happen if i did?". he never acted on those thoughts though.
"you know," jiang chengs gravely voice broke the silence. nie huaisang hummed in question.
"youre just like a lotus flower."
now though, he wasnt so sure anymore. well, he wasnt so sure the moment he saw nie huaisang purposely cause the death of jin guangyao.
he remembered seeing huaisang shove the antidote lan xichen gave him for his wound into his robes when the latter had asked to have it back, to use on jin guangyao.
he remembered lan xichen turn to nie huaisang to receive the antidote.
remembered watching nie huaisang turn from an innocent head shaker into a master of the arts of acting.
remembered seeing lan xichen, unhesitatingly pierce a completely still jin guangyao in the heart, upon hearing nie huaisang gasp. gasp as if jin guangyao was about to stab lan xichen in the back.
the worst thing he remembered though, it was the look of nie huaisangs, once fearful face, fall into a pleased one, as if he was saying "job well done" at himself.
there were no looks of guilt, even as lan xichen questioned if he truly saw jin guangyao attempt to attack him, although he kept face, being the head-shaker he made himself to be, saying a soft "i dont know".
and now, months after the whole guanyin temple ordeal, he finally figured out who nie huaisang really was.
a mastermind.
acting as a clueless idiot, sneaking around, sending letters, and hiding behind his fans, thats how nie huaisang was a mastermind.
he didnt know nie huaisangs side of the story, but in the end, he felt that jin guangyao deserved the death he was given, although the way huaisang did it was rather... immoral.
"sect leader nie."
jiang cheng was sat at a table with nie huaisang in his personal sleeping quarters.
"sect leader jiang."
here they were, in awkward stiffness as they sipped at nearly-cold tea. jiang chengs eyes were getting distracted more and more during these meetings.
the way nie huaisangs lips became glossy every time he took a drink from his cup, and the way his sleeves exposed his pale, slim arms every time he brought his cup up to his lips.
jiang cheng didnt miss the way huaisangs eyes would stalk over his body every few minutes, and he especially didnt miss when his eyes were locked on jiang chengs lips.
his cheeks would flush a light shade of pink whenever they made eye contact, and never missed the smirk that would spread over nie huaisangs face, which hed fail to cover with his fan (most likely on purpose).
wait, fuck, he was getting distracted.
he straightened his posture, setting his hands on his knees, clutched firmly.
"i know what you did."
nie huaisang didnt flinch.
"whatever do you mean?"
"dont play dumb with me!" jiang cheng growled.
thats when huaisangs facade slipped a bit, and a frown settled upon his features.
"i know you're not stupid."
"obviously im not stupid," nie huaisang moved his fan to successfully cover his nose and lips. "i simply dont know anything you speak of, sect leader jiang."
now that really pissed jiang cheng off and he stood up and grabbed huaisang by the collar of his robes, lifting him from his seating position.
nie huaisangs eyes widened, but his fan stayed where he had it. jiang cheng let out a puff of air from his nose and he slapped the fan out of his hands.
"answer me!"
"i did what i had to do." he said. "its plain and simple, a-cheng."
plain and simple?
what the hell.
"you dont get to call me that," jiang cheng growled, pulling him even closer.
it didnt really occur to him how close nie huaisang was until now, feeling the breath of huaisangs mix with his own.
"are you done?" he said, his eyes trailing down to jiang chengs lips.
"shut up!"
"if you want me to shut up, do it yourself."
and he did. jiang cheng swooped down and caught huaisangs lips, hard and feisty.
'fuck,' jiang cheng thought, pulling away.
"again." huaisang whispered.
jiang cheng didnt even hesitate although his brain was screaming at him to stop and get away.
it all made sense now.
why it was so hard to figure nie huaisang out.
he was a snapdragon, not a lotus flower.