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The night air was warm against Seidou’s skin. A breeze blew by and ruffled his cloak while his gaze remained fixated on the headstone in front of him. Of course, he knew nothing was buried here. This grave was empty, and would remain that way.
He knelt down and reached out his hand. A wave of melancholy washed over him as his fingers traced the hiragana spelling out “TAKIZAWA SEIDŌ.” At least they cared enough to give him a grave, even if his body wouldn’t ever lie in it.
He wasn’t sure why he was here. Maybe he just wanted some reassurance that he wasn’t completely forgotten all those years ago, or maybe he just felt like he deserved this sadness.
Seidou’s eyes shift toward the two graves beside his own, knowing all too well those would be empty, too. They would never find his parents’ bodies, and that thought made him sick to his stomach.
It’s your fault, he thought, Your fault these graves are empty.
He grimaces and returns to examining his own. Seidou let out a heavy sigh, after which he’d finally notice a bouquet of withered flowers resting on the ground. How could he have missed that so easily? He takes a moment to think, Who would have brought me these?
Seidou’s mind wanders. Mado? No, she knew nothing was buried here, and that he was alive. The flowers hadn’t wilted enough to have been here more than a week or two, at the most. Amon was definitely out. Hideyoshi? Maybe. But he was probably aware he was alive, too. Damn. Who…
Seidou’s stomach dropped. Seina.
He hadn’t thought of her in so long… he almost felt guilty. He doubted anyone remembered her if even he didn’t. What a lousy brother. He doubted anyone would have told her what had happened to him even if they did remember her. Maybe it was better for her to believe he was dead all this time, maybe it would give her peace of mind. If she knew the truth, it would crush her. Destroy her, even. He wouldn't want that.
Seidou lets out another sigh and stands up straight. He takes a moment to stretch and gather his thoughts before deciding he should probably leave. He couldn’t stay here much longer. Hell, he shouldn’t have come in the first place—but there he was, visiting his own empty grave.
“I’m sorry, who are you?” A voice came from behind him.
Seidou tensed. He was so lost in thought he hadn’t noticed someone else had entered the cemetery. Fuck, he was such a clown. How could he not notice? He cursed himself in his mind and took a glance over his shoulder, curious to see who it was.
His jaw dropped. Speak of the devil.
“Did… did you know him? My brother, I mean,” Seina asked, her eyes resting on the grave. Her hair wasn’t blonde anymore. It was her natural brown, and she wore it pulled back in a long ponytail. She clutched a small bento box in her hand along with an incense offering.
What do I do?
He needed to keep calm. Should he just leave without saying anything? No… he couldn’t. This might be his last chance to talk to her. To see her. She was the last remaining piece of his old life. The one thing that hadn’t changed.
He cleared his throat, and tried to keep his voice low. “Yeah.”
“Ah,” She responds a bit awkwardly, “I see… were you close?”
“‘Guess you could say that,” he answers. “Went to the academy together.”
“I see,” Seina nods and takes a step forward, “Do you mind if I…?”
Seidou takes a step out of her way, “Sorry, go ahead.” He makes sure to keep his face obscured by his hood. He turns away just for good measure, trying his hardest not to look at her.
“Thanks,” she chuckles while she kneels down to light the incense, “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before… um, the only other people that came to visit was a girl from his class, and… his partner.”
Seidou visibly tensed. Mado and Houji..?
“I got transferred pretty far away. Haven’t been able to come and pay my respects n’ all that,” Seidou swallows thickly, “Figured I’d stop by since I was in the area.”
“That makes sense,” Seina comments while she gently sets the bento box down. It was probably something he used to like to eat. Whatever it was, he could smell it from just a few feet away, and it was horrible. Just another “perk” of being a ghoul, he figured.
There was a long, uncomfortable silence between the two of them. Seina took a moment to say a silent prayer to herself, all while Seidou took in a deep breath through his nose and contemplated what he should say next.
Finally, Seidou spoke up again. “You said he was your brother?”
“Yeah,” Seina answered quietly, “I doubt he ever mentioned me, though… I’m Seina Takizawa.”
“What makes you say that?” Seidou asked curiously, glancing over to her. She rolls her eyes and lowers her head, “We weren’t that close. I mean, we were when we were kids, but…”
“But?”
“I don’t know! We just grew apart, is all…”
“Oh,” Seidou frowned, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, I just…” she sighs, “Wish things could have been different. I…”
Me too, believe me. Seidou bites his lip.
“I miss him, that’s all,” She mumbles, “I wish I had spent more time with him… wouldn’t have gone out with my friends the night he came home if… if I had known,” Seina’s voice begins to tremble.
Ah, fuck. Seidou didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t mentally prepared to listen to his sister cry over his death. He didn’t have the heart to tell her the man she was mourning was standing right beside her, and even less of a heart to tell her what really happened to their parents. He’d gotten curious and tried to find any piece of news reporting on their disappearance, and most of the media had reported a break-in with no traces of them left behind.
He recalls the dread that had settled into his guts when the realization hit him. Kanou’s words ring clearly in the back of his mind, “ Did it taste like home, perhaps? ” That sick bastard. What Seidou would have given to kill that man himself… but it was far too late for that now.
Her sniffling broke the second bout of silence and Seidou’s mind came back to the present. To the graveyard. To Seina.
She’d covered her face and began to weep openly. Guilt and shame churned up inside of Seidou. He wanted to console her, but as far as she knew, he was a stranger. He didn’t know her, he was just an old friend of Seidou Takizawa. Fuck, he needed to think of something…
He purses his lips for a moment and tries to choose his words very carefully.
“I’m sure he loved you a lot,” Seidou kneels down beside her, and decides to place his hand on her shoulder. A comforting gesture, but not too uncomfortably intimate. “He was a good guy, he cared a lot about his family an’ all. ‘Specially you an’ his mom.”
Seina sniffles and pulls her hands away while she glances over her shoulder. Quickly, Seidou looks away again and bites his lip while he gently rubs her shoulder. She whimpers, “You mean that?”
“‘Course I do. Why would I lie?”
She wipes her eyes on the backs of her hands and laughs sadly. She speaks with a tremble in her voice, like she was on the edge of letting out another sob, “Thank you… um…” She takes a moment to breathe, to Seidou’s relief. He was on the edge of tears now himself, and he didn’t want to risk cracking right in front of her. Seina starts to speak again, “You remind me of him, just a bit…”
Seidou’s throat felt dry. He croaks, “Oh?”
“Yeah,” She sniffles again, “Sorry if that sounds weird, I-I just… I don’t know,” Seina lowers her head and averts her gaze entirely, “I can’t quite… p-put my finger on it…”
Seidou wasn’t sure how to respond. Part of him wanted desperately to tell her the truth, but he knew he shouldn’t. If he revealed himself to her, he’d likely have to open up about their parents at some point, and, well… is there really an easy way to break it to your mourning sister that you ate your parents? Even if it wasn’t his conscious choice, but was something he still did nonetheless. The guilt weighed heavily on his heart, and being near Seina only made it that much more unbearable. He had to get out of here soon, but he wanted to hold onto her warmth just a bit longer.
“It’s not weird,” he finally answered, “We were friends an’ all… woulda been weird if we didn’t have anythin’ in common.”
“Thanks,” Seina begins to stand, which allowed Seidou to pull away from her, “I… I guess you’re right… um,” She wipes her face again. Her cheeks were puffy and red, and her eyes hung half-lidded. She was still as pretty as ever, though. Not an easy feat for someone who was just sobbing their eyes out. “I should get going, it’s late…”
Seidou almost wanted to tell her to stay a little longer. However, instead, he nodded in agreement and shoved his hands in his pockets while he stood up straight. His heart had been pounding, and his pulse throbbed in his ears. He had so much he wanted to say. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness, he wanted to tell her he was sorry and that he loved her, but he couldn’t. He was starting to lose his composure and she hadn’t even left yet. I’m so fucking sorry, he thinks, I don’t know how else to tell you. I’m so, so sorry. I couldn’t help it. I can’t help it, I—
“Are you okay?” She asked, having extended her hand in a friendly gesture. Damn it . He hadn’t realized he’d started trembling while he tried his hardest not to lose himself.
“I, um,” think of something, idiot. “I…”
He finally met her eyes, and he felt something inside him break. He felt like he’d been hit by a truck, or worse. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. He choked out a sob and covered his face with his hand, sniveling like a baby while his breath hitched in his throat.
You deserve to die. It’s your fault these graves are empty. It’s your fault Houji is gone. It’s your fault you have nothing left. It’s. Your. Fault.
He was about to turn tail and run when he felt Seina’s arms wrap around him and her head rested on his chest. She held him tightly with her hands gently rubbing his back while she whispered to him that it was okay. Seidou was hesitant, but he returned her embrace. He buried his face in her shoulder and tightly gripped her shirt, not wanting to let go. It seemed as though everything around him ceased to exist while he was enveloped in her familiar warmth and her sweet scent. For a moment, he felt like himself again. He felt like he was home.
“I-I’m sorry,” he choked, “I’m sorry, I…” Seina hushed him and told him to breathe. He takes a few deep breaths to steady himself. His sister’s presence made his walls cave in on themselves, he just couldn’t help it. He needed this.
“It’s okay,” She reassures him, “It’s gonna be okay…”
Seidou holds her for a while. He wasn’t really sure for how long, but it felt like a long time. Eventually he’d pull away from her and wipe his face on his sleeve while she stood there a bit awkwardly and smiled politely. He takes a shaky breath in through his nose and clears his throat, “Thank you.”
“It’s no problem, um…” She glances away, “I didn’t catch your name, by the way…”
“Not important,” he answered quickly, his voice still trembling in his throat, “I’m just gonna be on my way.”
“Oh,” She frowns, “um… okay, then.”
Seidou takes one last look at her. This would likely be his last time seeing Seina Takizawa, and then it would be back to drifting. There was no place for him in the world, not even with his sister, who loved and missed him terribly. It’s better this way, though. Better that he remained dead to the world. He found comfort in the fact that he was missed, but that wasn’t enough to convince him he needed or even deserved to live a comfortable life again — or as comfortable of a life as he could manage.
“Sorry,” He mumbles as he turns on his heel, “Take care, Seina Takizawa.”
“You too, stranger…”
A breeze sweeps by and the tree leaves rustle around them as Seidou takes his leave. Seina remains there, clutching her hand to her chest and sadly keeping her gaze fixated on the graves beside her brother's. Seidou was thankful he got to see her one last time, but the ache in his chest had grown so unbearable it threatened to devour him. He'd find a way to manage, just like he always did.
Seidou Takizawa died a long time ago, and the man that Seina Takizawa met in that graveyard was nothing but a shell. A stranger no longer recognizable. He wanted to keep it that way.