Work Text:
You sit next to Caleb on the couch. This boy, man, who has told you so many things about who you used to be. He didn't want to tell you some things, at first. He said they weren't ... necessary for you to know. Bad things that needn't cloud this newborn sky of your life. You have asked him yet again, and again, and again. And eventually Caleb started telling you. You don't know what you expected but you weren't as shocked, as scared of yourself, as repulsed as you probably should've been. Somewhere deep down inside of you it made sense. You could see yourself reaching that degree of darkness. Or maybe not your current self, or maybe not yet. But possibly.
"That's why you chose to forget," Caleb had said. "That's why I didn't wanna tell you. I mean, you hadn't told me that yourself, but that's what Tobias said when he came back with you. That you wanted to forget your darkness and all the terrible things you did."
He'd looked away while speaking, at his hands, his fingers that tried to keep themselves busy with a pencil, at the wall, at the door. But now he looks at you again.
"I didn't want to retell that story to you and redo your literal dying wish."
"From what you've told me you didn't owe me that, though. To spare me, I mean. To honour that last wish. If I didn't even tell you myself."
Caleb laughs now, a short, clear sound. "I didn't expect you to. I was on my way to die myself. It wasn't like you expected me to ever see you again, reset or not."
He'd told you about that. This whole him offering to die for the good of everyone else. He never forgot to mention how he's not actually that heroic, that selfless, never was and never will be. How he'd only been on that path due to his guilt of having betrayed his sister, and her and everyone else deeming him the most expendable person. He'd only agreed because he didn't know a reason to fight it. And when his sister had taken his place anyway, in the very end, he didn't know how to feel, hadn't known for a long time.
"Still," you say, feeling the familiar heaviness of this topic on your chest. "I could've told you in person. Although, based on the person I think I used to be, I'm not surprised that I didn't. I'm sorry."
Again one of his strange, short, unplacable sounds. "Well, as I said, you didn't have to, you were under no obligation of any sort. We were both ..." He stops and looks away somewhere into the distance. "Pretty done. With everything. I guess."
"Yeah, well, I guess we both got a second chance. To do better. Be better."
He's silent for a few moments and nods. "Yeah. Whether or not we deserve it." He's furrowing his brows and starts to chew on his lower lip. You know the signs and you intervene before he can withdraw too far into himself.
"I don't think that matters all that much. We already have it. That second chance I mean. No one's gonna take it back so we should do the best with it and not question whether or not we deserve it. That doesn't matter anymore. And from the many things I've asked you about and the answers you gave me, I'd say we're already better than we used to be. So it's already worth it, isn't it?"
He looks at you and you're not sure he believes you. You're pretty sure he wants to, though. You want him to as well. People like him and you, you kind of have to. That's the whole point.
The silence stretches and his expression becomes a little less strained every second. You're not sure the one it turns into instead is much easier to handle. The line between his eyebrows slowly smoothes again and his eyes become softer. You're still silent, both of you, and you don't really know what to say.
"Can I ask you one more thing?" Your voice sounds different now. Only a bit but he notices. He raises his eyebrows but then he nods.
"Of course."
You start to open your mouth but no words make sense. You close it again. It's been seconds and you haven't moved or said anything, and neither has he. As the silence stretches on, his eyebrows rise even higher and the edges of his mouth start to rise and you know he's about to say something, ask something, wonder why you're not asking your question, and you lean forward and you kiss him. Barely so, just the fraction of a moment. You pull back and look at him. Unsure, but not entirely. You wouldn't have done it otherwise. You're not that brave, never have been. Still, this might be one of the bravest things you've done in your life. This new one, anyway.
There's silence again and you wait for him to read the question from the soundless air between you. He just looks back at you, surprised but not as surprised as he would be, surely, if you'd been entirely wrong. Just like your past violence hasn't shocked you as much as it should have, this feels familiar, somewhere deep down, you're sure of it.
The edges of his mouth actually rise now, and it's one of his short laughs again, soft, shy but growing stronger. The skin around his eyes crinkles and the edges of his mouth rise once more.
"Is that your question?"
You just nod and you're still looking at him. He grins now and something tugs somewhere deep in your mind. This feels familiar even though you've never seen it before. You'd like to see it again though.
He leans forward and kisses you back, a hand on your cheek, one of yours on his waist. You can feel the smile on his lips.
Happiness suits him. Maybe you should try wearing it too.