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“Captain! Hey Cap, over here!”
Steve nodded and gave a salute to the soldiers waving at him. It was always like this when the Commandos were stationed with another group of soldiers; everyone and their brother wanted to talk to Captain America. He couldn’t even go for a piss without someone trying to get his attention, and it was disconcerting.
He’d been invisible his whole fucking life before Erskine gave him that serum. Suddenly being center stage was an uncomfortable adjustment.
It happened a dozen more times on the way back to his tent. Once was with another officer who talked Steve’s ear off for a good thirty minutes. Too polite to leave, he’d let the guy prattle on until he’d finally stopped for air and Steve was able to excuse himself.
How long were they planning on staying here? Fuck, he’d leave with half rations if that’d make it any faster.
When he opened the flap to his tent, blissfully free of his newfound celebrity, he sighed in relief.
“Steve? Shit.”
When he heard Bucky’s voice, he smiled reflexively. It took another second for his eyes to adjust to the dim light, and he was still smiling up until he realized Bucky wasn’t smiling back. He had his back to Steve and was hunched in on himself and holding his nose, a gesture that was both oddly familiar and completely out of place.
“Buck?” he asked. Confusion and worry laced his voice, and he reached out to put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “You okay—?”
Bucky jerked his shoulder away just as he made contact.
“It’s no big deal.” His voice was nasal, something wet in the way he spoke. “Could you gimme some space for a minute?”
It wasn’t often that Bucky needed space, especially from Steve. He was a social person who liked having someone nearby. Even if all they did was quietly do their own thing, Bucky had said plenty of times that he’d prefer companionable silence over being totally alone.
The few times he’d actually asked Steve to leave him alone were when he was angry at Steve for pushing himself when he was sick or when he wanted to jerk off in peace. The last Steve had checked, neither scenario should apply anymore: Steve was too strong to get sick, as far as he knew, and it’d been a couple years now since Bucky preferred having Steve around when he masturbated. Liked Steve helping out, too, for that matter.
So Bucky telling him to go? Well, it hurt… and raised some red flags.
“What happened?” Steve asked. He put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder firmly enough that he couldn’t shake it off. “What’s wrong?”
Bucky heaved a long, resigned sigh. Slowly, he turned to face Steve.
There was a bruise under his left eye that wasn’t too bad now but looked like it’d be nasty once it fully bloomed. Bucky held a ragged cloth to his nose, and when Steve gently pulled it away to get a better look, he saw dried blood caked beneath both nostrils and a busted lip that was still actively bleeding.
“It’s not a big deal,” Bucky started. “Probably looks worse than it is.”
“Jesus, Buck, you’re bleeding. How can you say this isn’t a big deal?”
Bucky glared at him, and yeah, okay. Maybe they’d been through this song and dance a few dozen times before, only with Steve bruised and bloodied up while Bucky was the indignant, protective one.
“Yeah, I heard it,” Steve grumped. He kneeled in front of Bucky and grabbed the cloth from Bucky’s hand so he could finish the work of stopping the blood. Bucky had been in bad shape when Steve had rescued him from Azzano, but it wasn’t as obvious as it was right now. Everywhere he looked on Bucky’s face, there was some physical sign of getting the shit kicked out of him, and it made Steve’s hands tremble as he worked.
“You see why it always made me mad?” Bucky said. He handed Steve a canteen so he could clean him up. “How many years did I have to see you come home looking like this? And you always went right out and did it again.”
“Sorry.” He’d thought he’d understood how much it upset Bucky to see him hurt; now that he had some firsthand experience with the reverse, it finally clicked. “Don’t try and even the score, though.”
Bucky snorted, then winced. “Yeah, no worries there, pal. Getting my ass handed to me by a couple of thugs ain’t high on my list of fun ways to spend my down time.” He leered at Steve. “If it was you handing me my ass, though—”
More harshly than necessary, Steve cleaned the patch of blood from his chin.
“Don’t joke,” he grumbled. “Who did this to you, anyway? We’re a good thirty miles from the frontline.”
Bucky was quiet for a long while; Steve didn’t push, just focused on cleaning him up and fretting over any other injuries that might be hidden by his uniform. He was just about to ask him to take off his shirt so he could take a look when Bucky finally spoke.
“Promise me you won’t do anything about it,” Bucky whispered.
He clenched his fist. The fact that Bucky was saying it made Steve 100% sure he would want to do a great many things once he knew the truth.
“Bucky,” he whined. He even pouted the way he always did when he really wanted Bucky to give him his way. It worked more often than not, enough that he hoped it would now.
But Bucky just shook his head. “You promise, or I don’t tell you shit. I ain’t happy about this, but I’m not letting you get yourself in trouble over something stupid. You’re not some punk in Brooklyn anymore, you’re Captain fucking America. You can’t afford to get involved in this.”
It stung, and Steve bristled. “I was Steve Rogers long before I was Captain America. I’m your friend more than I’m some prop the army can use, so don’t you go telling me what I can and can’t do for you. Since when you keeping secrets from me, anyway?”
Something dark flashed in Bucky’s eyes. “I can keep the ones I need to, don’t you worry.”
And there it was, Steve’s worries that Bucky was hiding something about his time with Hydra made manifest. He’d asked and Bucky had brushed it off with that one smile that always made Steve’s knees weak, kissed him sweet and soft until Steve forgot he’d even asked.
When the hell had Bucky stopped trusting him?
The silence stretched out; it was Bucky who broke first, turning away and running a hand through his hair.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble,” Bucky said quietly. “I can handle this. It’s not even going to be a problem in a couple days, so maybe it’s better we drop it.”
Steve’s shoulders slumped. He felt exhausted, more tired since he’d felt since this whole mess started back in the lab.
“I promise I won’t do anything,” Steve said. “I just wanna know.”
Finally, Bucky met his eyes again. He searched Steve’s face for something before he sighed. Shoulders slumped, he nodded and licked his lips.
“Yeah, okay.” Bucky reached for Steve, and Steve leaned in to make it easier. With his fingers winding around Steve’s neck to tangle in his hair, Bucky pulled Steve in so their foreheads rested together. This close, all Steve could see was Bucky’s eyes; he could also smell the blood, and it made him furious.
Would he be able to keep his promise if he was already upset?
“I was walking just outside of camp to get some fucking peace and quiet,” Bucky said, his voice low. “You had that meeting with the higher ups, knew I wouldn’t see you for hours so I figured I’d take advantage. Grab a smoke or something, enjoy the sounds of birds chirpin’ instead of guys cursing at each other.”
“Camps are loud, Buck. You’d have to go pretty far out to hear anything.”
Bucky flashed him an apologetic look.
“Jesus, how far out did you go?”
“It couldn’t’ve been a mile…”
Steve groaned and let his head fall to Bucky’s knee. He suddenly felt very bad for the Bucky Barnes who’d had to look out for him as a kid. Steve knew reckless when he heard it, mostly because he was supposed to be the reckless one. He didn’t like hearing Bucky doing the same stuff now, especially since he had the end result battered and bruised in front of him.
“These guys, they followed me. Smiling at first and joking around. I was kind of on edge, but they hadn’t said anything to make me on edge, so I ignored it. Comes with the war, right? One of them asked for a cigarette and a light, and when I reached out to hand him one, that’s when it started. The guy got my arm, spun me around and held me against his chest while another one punched me. Called me a fag, punched me again.”
As Bucky spoke, Steve imagined it. Pictured himself being cornered in an alley while nameless men take their pound of flesh from him all because he decided to stand up to them. Slowly the scene changed, Bucky taking his place. It was worse like this, because he knew Bucky hadn’t done or said anything to deserve it; they hurt him because of who he was behind closed doors, things that didn’t effect them at all.
In his head, he could hear the taunts. He could hear the way they’d lash out at Bucky with their fists and their words, try to tear him down for just being .
Just because he loved Steve, he’d been targeted.
“Hey…” Bucky took Steve’s hands in him, made him unclench his fists. “It’s okay.”
“How is it okay?” Steve asked, voice hoarse. “They hurt you… because of me.”
“Not your fault. Besides, I gave as good as I got. Think I did a pretty good job, all things considered. I got to go back to my tent, some of them have to explain to the medic why they got a broken nose. But there were ten of them and one of me. I’m good, but I ain’t that good. Course I was gonna walk away with some marks on me.”
Ten. Ten men ganged up on Bucky and did this to him. Could he coax ten names out of Bucky so he could settle the score? Really, he’d only need one, then he could beat the rest out of that damn idiot. How dare they touch Bucky—
“Now see, this right here.” Bucky tapped a finger at Steve’s temple. “This is exactly what I was worried about. I can practically hear the wheels in there turning, trying to figure out a way to get even when I specifically told you not to do that.”
“Why not?” he demanded petulantly. He brought his right hand up to caress Bucky’s cheek, his thumb gently rubbing the skin just below his black eye. “They deserve it.”
“I didn’t say they didn’t,” Bucky said. He leaned into the touch a moment before turning his head to kiss Steve’s palm. “But it’s you I’m worried about.”
“I’m strong enough!” Steve huffed indignantly. “I can take ten unarmed guys—”
“I know you can, sweetheart. I’m more worried you’ll get court marshalled or discharged. I know you think it’s fine, you and me out here, ‘cuz the Commandos don’t mind, but they’re not the norm. They’re especially fond of you, what with you savin’ all of them, and they’ll tolerate a whole lot. The rest of the army…” Bucky shook his head. “They don’t want a hero who fucks guys. They won’t let that get out, and they’d rather you were back home lyin’ low for ‘em then out here killing Nazis if that’s what it takes.”
Steve startled back like he’d been slapped.
“They wouldn’t—”
“They would,” Bucky said firmly. “How many months they had you prancing around on stage instead of out here fighting? They care about the war, alright, but they want things on their terms. You and me being anything but childhood friends ain’t gonna cut it for them. They got plausible deniability right now, but if you start kicking the shit out of guys who call me a fag and run their mouths about me sucking Captain America’s dick…”
He trailed off and let Steve fill in the blanks.
“Fine,” Steve spat out, so damn angry and with nowhere useful to put that anger. “I won’t go after them even if they deserve way worse than me knocking ‘em out. Happy?”
“No,” Bucky admitted. “Not happy that you’re unhappy. But you’ll be safer this way, so I’ll take it.”
He opened his arms then for Steve, and Steve willingly fell into his embrace. It made no sense, that he was the one seeking comfort right now, but he took it greedily. He slipped his arms around Bucky’s waist and held him tight, breathed him in and savored the sweaty, musky smell of him.
“I don’t like it,” he mumbled into Bucky’s chest. “What’s the good of all these muscles if I can’t protect you?”
“Well, they sure did a good job getting me out of Azzano, so I don’t think I’ve got room to complain.” Bucky’s fingers carded through Steve’s hair, soothing him. “You saved me when it counted. I know you’ll do it again if I need you to.”
At Bucky’s urging, Steve pulled away enough so he could look up and receive a kiss. They said nothing, but there was a promise there.
They’d have each other’s backs despite the odds, despite the prejudice and bigotry; they’d take care of each other.
Until the end of the line.