Chapter Text
Felix was trying to show that he didn't want to let this go. Whatever this is.
He wasn't the best at showing his feelings, not that there were feelings at all. Chan doesn't seem to be the type to do relationships or look for something serious.
He knew only a few things and between them, his name: Chan.
Chan is a person he met at a party at Hyunjin's house. He didn't even want to go to a party, to be completely honest, but Hyunjin insisted that going out a little would make him forget his shitty life for a while.
He had a point but Felix was still not convinced and considered not going. He liked to go out sometimes, but today he was too lazy to give fake smiles. Hyunjin wouldn't be with him, he was sure, as the boy was a social butterfly and he would probably enjoy the time with Seungmin, his boyfriend.
Something inside told him to just fucking go, just this once. He decided not to ignore his instincts or his destiny or his life timeline, whatever.
He ended up meeting Chan at this party, an old friend of Hyunjin. Felix found him in a relatively empty corner and he had a full cup in his hands. Nothing alcoholic, to his surprise. The mysterious boy claimed that he wasn't interested in socializing today and that he never drinks anything that could potentially harm him. An irony, since soon after Felix discovered that Chan smoked. Just sometimes though, depending how difficult the day was. He also came to the party with his two friends, Jisung and Changbin, but they were probably giving each other's head. Chan's words, not his.
Felix immediately became interested as soon as he saw him. I mean, how could he not? Chan had a body that anyone could guess from afar that he surely spends hours at the gym. His face is delicate, his eyes bright and his style is simple, just black. That works for the tank top, ripped pants and sneakers, all black. His shoulders were broad and Felix could see that he had several tattoos on his right arm. Really pretty tattoos, he wanted to find out the meanings.
It's not as if Felix always hangs around chasing mysterious and pretty boys at every party, quite the opposite, he didn't even go to parties much. As he said earlier, there was something that pulled him to that place that night (leaving aside Hyunjin who begged him to get drunk and live). A wave of confidence also overtook him, he decided to take advantage of the opportunity and just talk to that tattooed boy.
He wasn't looking for anything or anyone. It just happened, as most things do and you can't explain it properly.
That's how the night life works.
After hours talking about everything and nothing, Felix was sitting right next to Chan in a garden at the back of Hyunjin's house. Both tired of the crowded place and the loud music. The house was full and it was amazing how many people Hyunjin knew. If he even knew all of them (something even worse).
Chan lit a cigarette and offered it to Felix, who refused just by shaking his head. Tough day, Chan said quietly, almost talking to himself. Felix barely heard him. Been there, he just thought in response.
He looked at Chan putting the drug between his lips and pressing the lighter, succeeding after two attempts. Felix could only think how much he wanted to feel those lips on his, to feel that heart-shaped lips against his skin.
Chan smiled at him, as if he could hear his thoughts and slowly let the smoke out of his mouth. Felix really wanted to find out more about those bright and somewhat sad eyes. Felix has always been good at reading people, even when he just met them.
He rested his head on Chan's shoulders, hesitating at first. Again, he didn't do this to strangers often, but with Chan he just felt the need to keep him close, to go to him, to put his head on his broad shoulders that seemed to be made just for that. For Felix. Chan said nothing, but he could feel that there was nothing wrong with doing that.
The next thing Felix remembers is that he was in a hotel room. He wasn't drunk, he hadn't even drunk anything, but he felt high. A little happier than usual, if he tried to explain. Perhaps that's the effect Chan has on him.
Felix had his arms around Chan, kissing his neck and carefully going towards the hotel bed. A typical hotel bed, white sheets, bright lights, a TV that would be useless and another small door, probably the bathroom.
Felix wanted so badly to leave marks on him, on his neck, to take out any sound that Chan could make. Chan also seemed to want everything just as much as Felix, although he seemed a more closed person than he was. Felix wanted him to be able to forget that tough day and just remember him from all of it. Whatever reason Chan had eyes so sad and tired, Felix wanted to make him forget for a moment.
Chan grabbed his face, making him stop kissing his neck and focus only on him. It was intimidating to see his eyes and his face so closely. Chan looked at him as if he could see his soul. He placed his hands on the back of Felix's neck and pulled him closer, kissing his mouth gently. Felix immediately felt the cigarette slightly but above all, Chan's lips were soft and he was sweet. So sweet that Felix immediately felt lost in his taste, wanting more.
He didn't like it that gentle, but he was going to keep it that way because Chan also seemed to want something more intimate.
Felix returned the kiss, letting Chan take over soon. Chan laid him on the bed slowly, as if he could break at any moment. Felix slid his hands down his back, slowly lifting his black tank top.
Chan quickly separated just so they could catch their breath. Felix put his hands up and held Chan's face, looking him straight in the eye.
"Could we pretend that we're in love?" Felix asked, without thinking much about what this meant.
Felix thinks maybe he fell in love tonight. Is it possible? Love at first sight? He didn't believe in these things. Maybe it's the desire talking then.
He really didn't want to fall in love, if that was really the case. But, he wanted to pretend he was. Even if only for one night, to be touched, to be loved. Being able to feel anything at all even for a short time.
Chan just kissed him again in response, his lips moving gently over Felix's. He took that as a yes.
Felix was feeling so high, so good for whatever reason and that wave of confidence was still in his body. He decided to stay on top of Chan, turning them over on the bed and sitting on his lap. Chan remained lying down, looking at him like stargazing.
Felix slowly unbuttoned his own white blouse and decided not to take it off completely yet. He noted Chan's slight surprise at seeing his nipple piercing. Felix loved to see every reaction. He knew the piercing looked good on him. He also wore blue shorts and tube socks. His beloved rainbow tube socks.
"I'll dance for you," he said, smiling, standing up. Felix knew he was looking good tonight and he was kind of cute every other day. He wasn't the king of self-esteem though. He just wanted Chan to think that he was irresistible and could anticipate being inside him.
Felix really danced for him that night, taking off his clothes slowly. Chan just stared with hungry eyes, but also bright ones. Not even for a moment Chan stopped treating him gently, and Felix almost wanted him to just do that, but he loved the sweetness just as much. He really felt in love like that.
Feeling Chan touch him just felt right and he felt so, so good. Like never before. And he didn't want to let this go.
He seemed to love Felix's nipple piercing, keeping his attention there for a long time and praising him nonstop. Saying things like you're really pretty, baby or let me hear your sounds. Chan really just praised him countless times and kissed all over his body. He fucked him slowly and Felix didn't want this to end. He was afraid he would never see him again.
He soon realized that Chan really wasn't exactly someone who dates and Felix would probably be just another one night stand. The only thing he did was fulfill Felix's request and pretend to be in love with him. But either way, he had to try.
"Is there somewhere you can meet me?" Felix asked, he could already see Chan looking for his shirt to leave.
Chan put on his tank top and sat down, stopping to look at Felix again, smiling sweetly. Felix took the time to admire his body, his face one last time. Everything about him was beautiful and Felix wanted more, to find out more about him.
The older boy leaned over and gave Felix a sweet kiss on his lips holding his chin, he smiled as he looked into his eyes so closely.
"Maybe," Chan replied, smiling. Felix could see his little dimples when he does that. It's cute.
Chan stood up again and continued to look for his clothes. Felix remained lying down, just watching him getting ready to leave.
He should probably go home too, but there was no one waiting for him so it didn't matter. Chan paid for the night so he would stay, even without his warm body next to him.
Felix lost himself in his thoughts remembering how long the night had been. How many empty smiles Chan had given him, how good he had felt in his presence. He talked to the boy so much but still seems to know nothing about him.
The night seemed so unreal that Felix even considered it not being real. Maybe Chan was just a ghost or an imagination from his crazy head.
Chan wrote his number on a small paper and left it on the bed, next to Felix. He kissed his cheek, taking longer than expected.
"Text me," he said last, an unreadable expression on his face. The next thing he saw, Chan was already walking out the hotel door.
Felix wasn't going to keep his hopes high, but that's something. He has his number. Maybe he can see him again.
He could only feel sorry for himself because he didn't mean to fall in love tonight. Of all things, this was the last one he expected.
He desperately wanted to be mistaken.