Chapter Text
“Daddy! Daddy! Wait up! Wait up!!!”
Aaron turned around and what he saw made his heart do something it had never done before. He had just passed the Emmerdale bus stop, lost in his thought about Robert as usual- making a mental list of everything he needed to cram in for their phone call this evening when he heard this tiny voice he knew too well.
Three-and-a half-year-old Seb was racing toward him as fast as his legs could manage. His blond hair was all messy & floppy… it immediately reminded Aaron of Rob in the mornings when he would wake up all soft and needy and refuse to get out of bed until he got a cuddle from Aaron. These mornings, Aaron hugs Rob’s pillow out of habit and gives it a kiss sometimes. It feels silly at one level, but some days are really hard, and it makes him feel better. So as long as no one knows he is safe.
Turned out Rob had developed a similar habit. He too had wanted to keep it a secret. But being Rob- the-guy-who-can’t-keep-any-secrets-from-his-husband-no-matter-what, it had slipped out during one of their many phone conversations. Rob had regretted it immediately. He shut his eyes and braced himself to be teased for at least a minute by Aaron. Instead, what he got was silence at the other end of the phone. “Maybe the connection was bad today and his husband hadn’t heard?!”, Robert thought to himself. Finally, Aaron spoke, softly, “it feels nice, doesn’t it? Your pillow still has your scent”. Rob’s heart broke at that very instant. All he wanted to do was to hug Aaron but he had to make do with hugging the telephone receiver.
The old Rob would have wanted to be smug at that point and make a witty comeback, get one over Aaron. But Aaron’s Robert knew better, he was braver. Robert simply closed his eyes and embraced this pure moment of their love through the rusty telephone wires even though a part of him died for not being able to hug his husband at that instant. Rob even wrote about ‘his feelings’ to Aaron in his next email. That’s how Aaron knew. How times had changed! How they had changed!
If anyone knew how to make full use of the prison communication system, it was them two. Phone calls, emails, letters, pictures, family days, prison visits…all were used to the limit and there were still a few requests for ‘extra’ or ‘urgent’ visits pending. Business calls, legal consultations, family emergencies- everything needed to be communicated to Robert on an urgent basis. The warden had drawn the line when Aaron tried to pass off his infant sister’s new pooping routing as some family emergency that absolutely needed Robert’s input. He received a warning, not that Aaron cared…but he lay low for a few weeks letting Jimmy handle all the “urgent business correspondence”. Robert, from his side was also coming up with new and innovative ideas all the time. He made sure he was in everyone’s good books and could call in a favour whenever possible. He stayed out of trouble, which in Robert’s case was a huge deal. Robert had even participated in the prison audiobook programme where dads were encouraged to record bed-time stories for their kids. It was one of the more progressive initiative by their warden to help inmates bond with their kids.
Of course, true to form, Rebecca and Ross had refused to give the audiobook to Seb because “they didn’t want to confuse and unsettle him from their ‘perfect’ life in Liverpool”. And Aaron was left completely bewildered when Victoria sided with Rebecca on this and said Seb deserved a ‘normal’ childhood without the shadow of his father’s deeds!!!
Aaron had beat the crap out a car that day. He had barely been able to hold it together when an excited Rob asked him that evening about Seb’s reaction to his audiobook. Aaron’s silence said it all and Rob, even though his heart was shattered and voice was quivering, changed the subject immediately to happier subjects like his cafeteria’s stale sandwiches. Both soldiered on in that moment but Aaron made a mental note to give Vic a piece of his mind when the time was right. Rebecca and Ross’s reactions, he could understand. Ross had always been insecure about them two. He had tried to coax Seb into saying Daddy Ross. Seb had refused steadfastly pointing out his daddies were daddy Aaron and daddy Robert who lived at home in Emmerdale with Aunty Liv. He was uncle Ross. When Ross persisted, Seb gave in and started calling him Ross. He wouldn’t concede any further. Thankfully, Rebecca put an end to Ross’s weird competition by saying that Daddy Robert, Daddy Aaron and Daddy Ross might fall into the category of “confusing things for Seb”. So that was that. Rebecca was sometimes surprisingly lucid for someone with such serious brain injury. Aaron had often wondered about that in private though he wouldn’t dare to say it aloud to anyone. Everyone would think his old jealousy with Rebecca had surfaced again. But that wasn't it. Aaron was genuinely curious and often wondered how Rebecca was able to manage so much stuff with such a serious brain injury. She must have an excellent therapist. Maybe getting away from Emmerdale was the best thing for her after all!? Maybe her injury wasn't as serious as the doctors had first diagnosed...
In the end, it had been Aaron and Liv who enjoyed Robert’s audiobook, many times over. They would curl up together on the sofa with some hot chocolate...just like Robert used to make, and listen to his soothing voice for hours. Once they even fell asleep on the couch to the sound of his voice. It was the best sleep they had both had in months! Robert’s voice echoing though the house felt like he was back with them and they were whole again.
Both Liv and Aaron had grown up by themselves without much parenting. So, a part of them always craved to be cared for. And Robert loved taking care of his family! He always channeled Sarah, when he was in home-maker mode. It made him feel closer to his mum, satisfied his OCD and of course made Aaron, Liv and Seb extremely grateful!! Win-Win! “Storytime with Robert” reminded the Aaron and Liv of everything Robert used to do for them… most of the time quietly behind the scenes, all the while managing to run a business, plot revenge against errant villagers and look gorgeous!
Aaah! Robert!! Aaron missed him so much!! He looked at his watch mentally counting down the hours to their call. It was agony!
Aaron and Liv hadn’t just lost Robert to prison. They had lost their home, all over again. No one will be able to put that right for a very long time to come. It hurt to even to think about it. Aaron tried to keep busy these days. He was desperately putting the funds together for a good lawyer and a private investigator to reopen Robert’s case. This took him to all corners of England which was a huge help when it came to staying out of trouble. Otherwise, he might have been tempted to say a thing or two to Vic, Paddy or his Mum ….one of his many speeches defending Robert that Aaron had mentally rehearsed- over and over again. Liv had taken up a few shifts at her College’s shop and drew sketches for her mates for a price, of course. She never said anything but every penny from her earnings went into her newly opened savings account. Aaron knew what it was for. It made him even more resolute and confident that Robert wouldn’t have to stay in prison a second longer than he absolutely had to. It had also brought all of them closer than ever before. They were a family again…. heartbroken and scattered but still together as a family. It didn’t make any sense to an onlooker, but it made sense to them. Its what made them happy.
Ouch!!!
Aaron yelped in pain as Seb crashed into him. He had been so lost in his thoughts about Robert that it took him a hot second to realize that Seb hugging his knees and refusing to let go. This wasn't real, Aaron thought for a split second.
“Hiya mate! What are you doing here? Where’s Ross?” asked a bewildered Aaron.
Ignoring the question totally, Seb stretched out his little arms, demanding to be picked up. Aaron obliged smiling to himself. Seb was just like daddy Robert. When he wanted something, he would simply go after it, ignoring everything else, even his own safety. In this moment, it seemed, he wanted Daddy Aaron. When Seb was in his arms, Aaron teared up. He put a pin in all those questions a good parent would ask their child and just took Seb in. He hugged his son, kissed him loads and tickled him that made Seb squeal with laughter….it was the best sound in the world!! Then he did this all over again!!
Then, Liv appeared out of nowhere. Smiling smugly.
“Hi Seb! How did you get here, you little porridge monster?”. Seb laughed like it was the best joke he had ever heard in his life and wriggled around in Aaron’s arms. Aaron looked at Liv, all confused and curious. And he knew what had happened the moment he looked at Liv.
“Liv!!!!” Aaron groaned, all the while clinging on to Seb as if his life depended on it.
“What?!” Live shrugged nonchalantly. “Rebecca needed someone to take care of Seb while Ross is away for an over-nighter. When Seb mentioned that his mum was looking for a baby-sitter for him, I offered. Its simple. Rebecca gets a night off after work, we get to hang out with Seb overnight and she is even paying by the hour! Trust me, Rebecca is much more reasonable when she doesn’t have Ross chewing her ear out!” And with that nugget of information, she walked off….
“Come on!! What are you waiting for? Christmas?!” Liv turned back and shouted.
Aaron finally blinked as he tried to work out what had just happened.
Seb gave him a kick, right in his stomach! “Cummon Daddy!!”
Ouch! His little man was getting strong.
“Yeah, mate! Let’s go! Are you hungry?”
Seb nodded.
That response brought Aaron back to reality and sent him into full on panic-mode. As much as it was nice to have Seb back in his arms after months of pleading with Rebecca and Ross, the Mill was no longer equipped to host a kid overnight. Aaron’s plan had been to order a pizza and pretty much veg out on the couch until it was time to call Rob. Preparing a healthy, nutritious meal for a three-year old wasn’t really on his radar and he wasn’t really sure if he had anything in the pantry that he could work with. And Robert?! What would Robert say. Do they tell him Seb is here with them? How will Seb react when he listens to Daddy Robert’s voice after all these months? What questions will he ask? Rebecca, Ross and Vic’s warnings ran through his mind and he froze with fear.
Aaron wanted this badly for himself. He wanted Seb with him as much as he possibly could and wanted his husband to hear their son’s voice more than anything in the world. He knew it would mean the world to Robert. Aaron had been struggling to keep Robert’s morale up these last few weeks. All the stringent measures of multiple lockdowns, the warning from the warden and a new rule instructing inmates to stay in their cells (for their own protection) during the day had hit Robert hard. 14 years suddenly seemed very daunting, almost unachievable. Aaron was spending sleepless nights worrying about how Robert was coping and what he might do to himself if nothing changed. Unable to hold it in any longer, Aaron had shared his worries with Liv one evening. Normally, he didn’t like to bother Liv with everyday details. It was a roller-coaster of emotions each day and her sister had her own issues to deal with. For both of them siblings, they had to be mindful of how much was too much at any given point.
“Daddy! Daddy! Aunty Liv” Seb kicked Aaron again and pointed to Aunty Liv who was a slender silhouette by now, walking towards their Mill.
“Yes, Champ! Let’s go!”
Aaron wouldn’t solve anything by standing there. Like everything else, he would have to figure this one out too. Plus, with Seb in his arms, he was too happy to be overly worried about anything. When you are fighting a long, dreary war and the whole world seems to be against you, you gotta take your wins and live for these moments of happiness. Worries and consequences will just have to come back another day! Aaron thought to himself, suddenly letting himself be happy for a second.
First things first, dinner will be chips, sautéed beans and carrots, chicken nuggets and chocolate ice-cream Aaron thought…. going all into daddy mode as he followed Liv back home with Seb in his arms.
Taking care of Seb came instinctively to him. He never thought much about it or questioned it. Even Robert used to be in awe of Aaron. While his husband took the more, evidence-based- read-every-book-under-the-Sun- approach, Aaron went with his instincts and just did what “Seb told him he wanted” even when he was an infant!! In the past, when Seb was living with them, there were many occasions when Aaron completely ignored Robert and did what made their son happy! While a freaked out Robert would scour the web for possible signs of brain damage in a two-year old from hitting his head against a wall, Aaron and Seb would simply play peek-a-boo until Seb’s tears dried up and he was rolling on the floor with laughter. Then Aaron would walk over to his panic-stricken husband and calm him down with a kiss and a cuddle. And all would be good with the world again. Aaron handled both Robert and Seb with ease as if they were a part of him. And Robert protected Liv and reigned in Aaron with the ferociousness of a lion. No matter who they were to the outside world, their little family was based on love, trust, mostly unspoken words and pure instinct. It was hard to explain, but it worked.
Every family has their boundaries and red flags and so did the Sugden-Dingles. Anything was manageable until Aaron freaked out, Robert’s chin wobbled, Seb cried “daddy!” or Liv went quiet. Once this happened, all bets were off. The Sugden-Dingles would stop at nothing until balance was restored again. But Liv rolling her eyes in sarcasm, Seb crying because he had hurt himself, a freaked-out Robert and a grumpy Aaron were just signs of their average every day normal at the Mill. "Aah the good ol' days!!" thought Aaron, once again wandering off down memory lane.
“This is hardly the time to reminisce!” Aaron chastised himself. He had to make the most of his time with Seb!
Once back at the Mill, Aaron started making Seb's favourite strawberry milkshake while Liv kept her nephew entertained.
“So, you talk to Rebecca and Seb often?” Aaron asked Liv, trying to sound casual. He still couldn’t believe that after everything, Liv had managed to pull this off! Seb, staying with them overnight!!! Could this be a regular thing? He didn’t dare to dream.
Liv first pretended not to hear but when Aaron persisted, she said with a shrug, “sometimes!” “Aunty Liv and Seb are a team, aren’t we Seb?!” Seb giggled and nodded vigorously in complete agreement. He even pumped his tiny right fist in the air and then high-fived his aunty Liv. Seb then took the milkshake and crackers from his Daddy Aaron and went back to his pillow fort to share his treat with giraffe, monkey and bear. It was as if he had known about this “Team Aunty Liv and Seb” all his life!
“Team Aunty Liv and Seb eh?! How long has this been a thing?” Aaron asked his sister, unable to hide his curiosity and to be honest, worry. What else had these two been up to?
Feeling Aaron’s rising panic, Liv assured him. “Not long. Aunty Liv and Seb talk on the phone sometimes when Seb is with his baby-sitter and his mummy and Ross are working!”, she said in high, cheerful tones that won her an approving nod from Seb. “That’s how Aunty Liv knew Ross was away and Mum was looking for a baby-sitter because Beth was interviewing for a job. We are a family, aren’t we?! And families keep in touch, no matter what!”
“Yes!” Seb pumped his tiny fist in the air again, almost toppling his cup. As both Aaron and Liv instinctively reached to steady him, Seb beamed his biggest smile and went back to his conversation with his ol’ mates! He was home. There was no doubt about it. Aaron’s heart broke a little with this realization. To distract himself he stood up to fetch a beer while Liv fixed herself a bacon sarnie.
Soon Seb was tired and nearly fell asleep on his pillow fort. Aaron scooped him up in his arms and took him upstairs. Even though Seb was big boy now, Daddy Aaron and Seb cuddled on the bed and Aaron soon fell asleep beside his son.
As Liv was about to go upstairs after cleaning up a bit…yes she did that now, someone had to; she locked the front door and disconnected the doorbell and the home phone.
She wasn’t sure if anyone had seen them coming home but the last thing they needed today was Vic or Diane barging in demanding explanations about Seb or Chas and Paddy wanting some time for Seb and Eve to bond.
It was selfish, she knew. But life wasn’t being kind to them at the moment and they needed to be greedy with whatever little they could scavenge, simple as. Liv wasn’t going to lose sleep over it. She had secretly overheard those heartbreaking conversations between her brothers where both were trying to cheer each other up, especially over these last few weeks. Liv had been desperate to do something to make it better, anything at all.
Then a small window had opened up when she was talking to Seb one day and she heard Rebecca yelling at someone in the background. She asked Seb and he told her what he knew but it wasn’t hard for Liv to piece the rest of it together. Next, as if on autopilot, she found herself asking Seb if she could speak to his Mum and thankfully, things had fallen in place. At one level, Liv hated having to get permission for Aaron to spend time with his son. But she knew she had to play by the rules or Aaron would lose out. Everything had to be above board. At least, this time she didn’t have to ask Ross’s permission. She would have really hated that.
Liv had been “working on” Rebecca every time Ross was out of town…which was often these days for some reason. Slowly over the weeks, she had patiently listened to Rebecca’s worries, sometimes coherent, at other times not and tried to gently broach the topic of co-parenting, “without confusing things for Seb”. So, when Liv offered to baby-sit Seb and bring him back to the Mill, it wasn’t really out of the blue. It was simply the next step, “to try and see if this could work so that it would ease the tremendous pressure on Rebecca and Ross and bring Daddy Robert, Daddy Aaron and Aunty Liv back in Seb’s life”.
Thankfully, Rebecca had never questioned Aaron’s place in Seb’s life and when Ross tried to, she shut him down.
In all honesty, Ross and Rebecca had been feeling the pressure of having to look after Seb full-time, especially now that he was older and needed constant engagement. The lockdown had nearly driven them crazy! Day-cares were shut so Seb was literally with them full time. Financial pressure, uncertainty, anxiety over a pandemic and full-time care for a three-year-old was all proving to be too much for poor Rebecca. Ross tried to help but eventually, being cooped up in an apartment for weeks with a toddler who insisted on regaling him with tales of Daddy Robert and Daddy Aaron, and a girlfriend who broke down in tears every few hours due to anxiety was starting to get to him a bit.
Ross’s intensions were honourable but he was beginning to question if this is what he had signed up for?! It had started to affect their relationship. When the lockdown eased up, Ross staking taking a few over-night jobs and increasingly Rebecca found herself at home, alone with Seb, at the mercy of the baby-sitter. During one of those days when Ross was away, Rebecca returned early from her walk and ‘caught’ Seb sneakily speaking with Aunty Liv on the home phone. While she was annoyed at first, a familiar compassionate voice soothed her and she ended up spilling her guts to Liv. And Liv, in turn, wasn’t entirely, unsympathetic. While she would never completely forgive Rebecca for what she did to her brothers or how she snatched away Seb from them, they were all in this together now and had to make the best of a bad situation. Plus, life had knocked Liv around enough to realize that she was better off building relationships than burning bridges, especially when it came to their weird, dysfunctional family. They couldn’t afford to lose any more.
So, Liv had cautiously proposed looking after Seb a few nights a month and promised to not tell the young man anything about Daddy Robert being in jail. She steadfastly refused to give in to Rebecca’s initial request of Seb spending the night at Vic’s and not speaking to Daddy Robert or Daddy Aaron. “That wouldn’t make sense” Liv tried to reason with Rebecca. “Seb has not seen either of them in months and, he still won’t stop talking about them. Instead of dealing with all these questions, why don’t we try another way? Let him spend time at the place he knows as home, have his fun, speak with his Dads and then when he returns, you can focus on his life in Liverpool. This, cutting him off from everything he grew up with is not working and it is causing so much heartbreak to everyone.”
As a last, ditch-effort Liv tried, “you have always said, Seb has two daddies and so many people who love him. So why take that away from him now just because he is living in another city? He is not interested in knowing everything that is going on in his Dads’ lives. He just wants to be with them. Why do you want to take that away from him and make life more difficult for yourself….more than it already is?!”
That stuck.
Rebecca was at her limit and she knew for a fact that Ross was too. Ross and Seb were all she had after all. And she was in no mood to make her life more difficult for herself. Plus, part of her missed the Dales. The drama, that she often caused, kept things exciting. Life in Liverpool was mundane. And Rebecca didn’t do mundane, never for long at least. Having Seb back at the Mill would give her and Ross space to breathe and help her reconnect with what was going on in the Dales.
Rebecca and Liv were never going to be best friends, but they had reached a sort of truce and in this moment, it seemed they could help each other out. Vic had been completely useless on that front, chewing Rebecca’s ear out about motherhood, some new bloke she had a tortured relationship with, and God knows what else! Rebecca nearly had a panic attack after that call with Vic. Never again! Nope, it wasn’t ideal, but Liv will have to do. And making Aaron happy and grateful always made her feel good too and, assuaged her guilt.
Aaron’s mobile rang, piercing the tranquility that had descended over the Mill. Liv, who was lost in her thoughts, looking over her brother and nephew sleeping, was startled and quietly backed away into her room. Aaron leapt up and answered the phone, placing a reassuring hand on Seb’s chest, praying that the little guy didn’t wake up crying.
An automated voice told him to hold for Robert. Damn it! How was it 6:30pm already?! Aaron sat up on the bed and Seb stirred a little as if starting to wake up.
“Hello, husband” Robert greeted him in a low tone.
“Hello, Daddy Robert”, Aaron said in a sleepy but cheerful voice, while he adoringly looked at Seb who was just about waking up.
“DADDYYYYYYY!!!!” Seb squealed with joy as Aaron put the phone on speaker.
“Seb?!! Is THAT YOU?!!” Robert couldn’t believe his ears.
“Daddy! Daddy!” Seb nearly forgot to speak in his excitement. He strung together a few words telling Daddy Robert all about his day, some made sense, some didn’t but his dads didn’t care. Robert clung to the phone, tears in his eyes and put all his efforts into standing up straight because his knees were threatening to give up.
“Daddy! Are you there? Daddy! Say something!”
“Hey Champ! I am here. Just listening to you! You are a big boy now, aren’t you?!” Robert managed as tears streamed down his cheeks. Aaron heard his husband through the phone and he teared up as well. Thankfully, Seb was too excited to notice. Liv came in to the room too, unable to resist.
The rest of the call was a blur. Everyone spoke at once and no one listened. They all laughed, cried and giggled at the same time. They talked about everything and nothing.
Fifteen minutes went by so quickly! They couldn’t believe it. None of them wanted to hang up but eventually, time won and the line went silent. In that moment, they all felt a little empty and sad. Seb's chin was starting to wobble, just like his Dad's.
Then Liv managed to save the day, yet again. “Who wants pancakes for tea?!!”
Seb sprung up “me! Me!”.
Liv invited Seb for a piggyback and they both disappeared down the stairs. Aaron looked on and smiled with tears running down his cheeks. He knew this is the happiest he will be in some time to come…this was the closet he would get to having his family back together at least for a few years. He hoped Robert would go to sleep tonight happy, after hearing his son's voice. He hoped this call had reignited his husband’s resolve to get through his sentence as quickly and as uneventfully as possible until it was time for him to come home. He hoped, it had reminded Robert that there was family out here, eagerly waiting for him to come home....that no matter where he was, he belonged with them. They were all in this together and nobody was going anywhere leaving him behind.
Aaron’s phone rang again. This time it was his mum.
“Yeah Mum. Oh Vic saw, did she? Yes, Seb’s here. You what?....Okay, let me check”
Aaron went downstairs and checked the doorbell while Liv and Seb messed about in the kitchen. He found the disconnected plug and smiled. He must remember to buy those sneakers Liv has been asking for next time he is in Hotten, Aaron thought to himself.
“Yeah Mum, it seems the battery’s run out”. “No of course, come on over. We are having pancakes for tea”.
THE END