Chapter Text
Arthur opened the door and coughed as heavy air full of dust met him.
He stepped in, looking around the room. It was a dark, dirty room, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed by cleaning up and good furnishing. He went to pull heavy curtains open, letting some sunlight into the room. It did nothing but highlighted the amount of dust and grit, but it was a start. Arthur watched out, admiring the view. There were some downsides living in a tower (like stairs – why did they have to be so steep and long?) but the view to the castle’s gardens was a definite perk.
There was nothing else in the room but an old, big, decorated cabinet. Arthur opened it and found it completely empty. It was heavy-looking, and Arthur wondered if it would be easier to just leave it there.
He had no idea what purpose that room had once served, as it was obvious it had been empty and deserted for years.
Now, however, it would become perfect quarters for his brand-new Court Sorcerer.
Merlin stepped into the room. He looked around, his face full of doubt and resistance. Arthur rolled his eyes.
“I know it looks a bit grim now but imagine it after when servants have cleaned it and you get your stuff here. There isn’t a fireplace, but we can bring a stove here if you need it,” he said and put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders and started to bring his visions to life.
“A bed there – a big one, of course, but not too big – and desk and bench there, and maybe some shelves and there’s already a nice cupboard… it’s not the prettiest, but—”
Merlin interrupted him, looking a bit distressed.
“Arthur,” he said. “It’s not that. This is… great. My own tower. But it is overwhelming. I still feel like this is unnecessary, I don’t need—”
“Of course you need this, don’t be ridiculous,” Arthur said, waving Merlin’s words away. They had been over this already. Arthur had named Merlin his Court Sorcerer a week ago and during that whole week Merlin had resisted everything Arthur had tried to give him. It took him two days until Merlin accepted a new wardrobe he had done for him. After that there had been a frustrating moment during Merlin’s first council meeting as a member when Arthur had to practically force him to sit down next to him.
(“There’s an engraving for you already, you idiot,” he had hissed to Merlin’s ear, pointing at the word Magus written on the table’s surface.”)
Arthur frankly didn’t understand Merlin’s behavior: one would have thought it was a dream come true, especially after hiding his talents for years. One would think that after all that, Merlin would be happy about his validation, his new position and his new perks. But no; for some unfathomable reason, Merlin was being needlessly difficult about this.
Arthur had suspected he might react the same way about his new room, and so he had decided to just go for it without asking Merlin anything. Merlin deserved it and whatever he might say, he did need the space. Merlin was responsible about everything that had to do with magic now in Camelot. Arthur imagined he needed some books, herbs, maybe some magical artifacts…
“I am not explaining this to you again,” Arthur said. “I don’t understand why you can’t just be happy.”
“I am happy!” Merlin said defensively. “It’s just overwhelming!”
“You’ll get used to it,” Arthur assured him. “You must understand there just isn’t room in physician’s quarters for both you and Gaius now. There’s barely enough space for his stuff, let alone for yours if you started to work there, too.”
Merlin bit his lip. “I know that. It’s just… I have never had this much space for myself. You’ve been to Ealdor, you saw the house in which me and my mum lived. It was already amazing that Gaius gave me my own room, small as it is. This is… this is just unbelievable.”
“It’s just a room, Merlin. In an abandoned tower which no one had used in years. It’s not like I’m giving you the royal treasure.”
Merlin turned around, the setting Sun making his skin and hair glow and he looked positively angelic. Arthur’s breath caught in his throat. Merlin smiled softly, almost shyly, and nodded.
“You’re right. I’m over-reacting. Please don’t think I’m ungrateful,” he said and promptly melted Arthur’s heart.
“Well I was starting to, seeing how much you seem to oppose everything I try to give you,” Arthur said, trying to sound casual and normal. That seemed to become harder and harder each passing day. “But now that we have dealt with your excessive humbleness, let’s focus.”
Merlin scoffed but didn’t comment further.
The problem with Merlin was that he was such a miracle disguised as an ordinary, common man. Arthur had always known that Merlin was exceptional in many ways: he talked back to him, didn’t grovel in front of him but demanded to be respected as well. He had taught Arthur about loyalty and truly changed him from an immature, stupid prince to a mature, just King.
Arthur had never been very good with emotions or courting. He’d had a short thing with Gwen some years ago and looking back, he realized it had ultimately ended because he couldn’t express his feelings well enough or often enough. Then, Lancelot had arrived and had been very vocal and obvious about his feelings for Guinevere. Arthur was not bitter, as Lancelot and Guinevere were happy together and his feelings for Gwen had faded a long time ago.
But it made him think that he didn’t want to do same mistake with Merlin. If he didn’t say or do anything, Merlin might find someone else, too. And Arthur couldn’t bear the thought of that.
He already knew that Merlin liked men as much as Arthur liked men, so that wasn’t a problem. But he had no idea if Merlin was attracted to him like that, or if his devotion and loyalty was platonic in nature.
He had named Merlin his Court Sorcerer, not only because Merlin was the best for the job and deserved it, but also because Arthur had this endless need to give him everything and make him happy. Now, he had a perfect excuse to order him clothes, renovate a room for him, just generally trying to make him happy without Merlin really knowing it.
It was all well and good, but it didn’t really move things forward. It was a bit strange: Arthur was usually such a straightforward, outspoken person. Why was he being coy now?
Other great thing about Merlin being the Court Sorcerer was that Arthur could spend so much time with him. They did spend most of their time together when Merlin was his servant, but that was different. Firstly, Arthur hadn’t been desperately in love with him back then. Secondly, it wasn’t as weird in others’ eyes anymore. A Prince being close with his manservant was strange and generally unadvisable, but a King being close with his Mage and advisor – not so much.
Well. He had to admit that their current relationship was not something that was considered completely normal, either.
Arthur climbed up the stairs leading up to Merlin’s new chambers. It wasn’t like he had a reason to do so – he couldn’t come up with any reasonable excuse as to why he went to visit Merlin. Again.
He knocked on the door and after hearing a cheerful “come in!” he stepped in and found himself in a completely transformed room.
There was a big canopy bed, filled with comfy-looking pillows and blankets, a desk and a chair, bookshelves full of strange, thick books, some items Arthur could not name and for some reason, a wooden chest, locked and hidden on the corner.
There were also two other people in there: Gwen was making Merlin’s bed, apparently trying to decide which pillows to use. Lancelot was seemingly doing nothing, just sitting on a windowsill, looking at his wife fondly as he always did. Merlin himself was in front of his desk, sitting down and reading intently a paper which looked like a letter.
“Sire,” Gwen acknowledged him, while Lancelot dutifully got up and bowed. Merlin didn’t raise his eyes from the paper.
“I see this has come along nicely,” Arthur said, letting his eyes sweep around the room. And of course it had, he had been the one who had chosen everything.
“Merlin shrunk everything, so it was very easy to bring all this up here,” Gwen said. “I hate to even think that we would have carried everything up. The stairway is so narrow and long.”
“Putting up the curtains was still pain, though,” Lancelot said, and Arthur guessed it had been his task. “Merlin made me fly to do it, but it was quite… uncontrollable.”
“He was spinning around like a drunken bird,” Gwen laughed. “Too bad you missed it, sire.”
Arthur smiled. “Too bad indeed.” He looked pointedly at Merlin, who didn’t seem to hear anything they were saying. Arthur cleared his throat. “So, do I hear any comments from the resident himself?”
Merlin’s eyes snapped up to him, like he had just realized that Arthur was there. He smiled sheepishly.
“Oh, yes, sorry!” he said. “This is… very good. I feel like this is my home already. Thank you.”
“I’m glad to hear,” Arthur said, and pointed to the paper Merlin was holding. “What is that? You seemed to be studying that quite intensely.”
“He wouldn’t tell us,” Gwen piped up. “Some bird just came behind his window, carrying it. Since then Merlin has just been reading it silently.”
“You have a sweetheart somewhere, Merlin?” Lancelot asked teasingly.
Arthur froze. No, it couldn’t be.
But it so easily could, his brain corrected. Merlin’s a nice, good-natured, and beautiful. On top of that, he was now high-ranking person in Camelot and just in general everyone’s hero. Was it already happening, had Arthur lost his chance again—
“No!” Merlin said, turning to Lancelot with an incredulous look. “Of course not.”
Through his immediate and enormous relief, Arthur got a better look on the letter, and his heart skipped a beat for entirely different reason.
“Is that from Morgana?” he asked quietly, and Merlin nodded. Gwen dropped a pillow and her eyes got big and hopeful.
“I know what you’re thinking, Arthur. But crows sense magic. That’s why it brought it to me. But it is addressed to you, actually,” Merlin said.
Arthur took the letter from Merlin and read it aloud.
He read:
Dear Arthur (and Merlin, who will most likely receive this),
I am sorry I have not written you before, but I have been busy and tried not to miss you all terribly. It has been easier to just live in solitary and try not to think about home too much. I have learnt so much and I know how to block my dreams and visions now. I sometimes let the dreams come, however. I have Seen you both in them, so I do know about repeal of the ban of magic, Merlin’s magic and that he has reached some sort of new position in the court. I am so proud of you, Arthur. I believe that you will bring Camelot to new glory.
And Merlin, I am glad to know that you are my kin and take care of Arthur. I hope to have lengthy discussion with you some day, since I still do not understand everything.
I am coming to Camelot in Midsummer and with your permission, I would like to bring some Druids with me. They would like to officially conclude peace between them and Camelot and tie an alliance. I hope you answer me, Arthur. Ask Merlin, he knows how to send me letters.
May the gods bless you,
Morgana
After he had finished reading the letter, Arthur lifted his gaze and found Merlin staring at him, silently asking for his answer to the question Morgana had presented.
“I think it would be a good idea, Arthur,” Merlin said. “She has been living with them for two years now, so we can trust her judgement. I honestly believe the druids want to come here to make peace with you and… well, even if they didn’t, they wouldn’t try to defy me. They now, better than anyone, who I am and how strong I can be.”
Arthur nodded. “You’re right. They have probably heard rumours and Seen visions about the changes. It’d do good for them to see them with their own eyes, confirma that it is all true.”
“Morgana’s coming home!” Gwen said, tears in her eyes. “Oh, I’m so happy.”
“I am too,” Arthur said and let his smile grow into a full grin. He had missed Morgana so much during these two long years. He missed her advice, her no-nonsense attitude and just generally… her. Especially when he had been working on repealing the ban of magic, he really wanted her to be on his side, helping him.
Morgana had also been Uther’s ward, so she was closest to a family he had left.
And she had left him.
It all had started when Uther was dying.
Arthur and Morgana had sat beside the King’s death bed. They had known that Uther wouldn’t most likely witness the next sunrise. Uther had fallen ill weeks ago and his condition had weakened by each passing day. Finally, he was too weak to get up from his bed. Gaius had said that there was nothing anyone could do; the King of Camelot was fading away.
No one knew what it was that ended up being Uther’s downfall, but Gaius had assured Arthur that it was just Uther’s own body fighting against him. There was no plot, no magical attack, just a man dying because it was apparently his time to go.
Sometime during that night, Morgana had left, and Arthur had given up to exhaustion and fallen asleep. He had woken up when the Sun rose and found his father dead. Swallowing his tears, he grasped his father’s cold hand the last time. When Gaius had arrived, Arthur fled. He had gone to his room, locked it and cried.
An hour later, there had been a knock on his door.
It had been Morgana, pleading him to open his door. Arthur had, and she came in, looking determined and impossibly tired. Even if Morgana hadn’t stayed by Uther’s side, she hadn’t slept, either.
Her hands had been shaking but eventually she told him, very clearly, that she had magic.
Arthur hadn’t understood, at first. Morgana was a sorceress? Did she want the throne? Was this a way to challenge him?
“You know I’ve had bad dreams lately. They won’t leave me alone and sometimes… often… they come true. I see things that are yet to happen, but they will. I went to see Gaius and he and Merlin told me that I might be a Seer. And I could probably do something else too, if I just learned how.”
“When?”
“When what?”
“Gaius and Merlin told you this. How long have you known?”
Morgana had bit her lip and that’s how he knew that she had carried this inside her for some time.
“Couple weeks. But I have suspected for a while. It has been too dangerous to say anything aloud. Gaius was very reluctant to help me, but Merlin persuaded him. Please don’t punish them, they only helped me because I begged them to do so.”
Morgana had reached to touch his hand. “I promised myself that I would tell you this after Uther was dead. I didn’t know it was to happen so quickly. I just didn’t want to put you in that position where you have to either expose me or lie to your Father.”
Arthur sat down heavily and rubbed his temples. It was officially too much for one day. It was too much.
“And we both know he would have had me executed. Even his own ward,” Morgana had said.
“Please don’t,” Arthur had said. But he had known it was true. Uther had hated magic so much that he most likely wouldn’t have made exception even if the sorceress had been Morgana. But he couldn’t bear to hear it right at that moment.
“What do you want?” Arthur had asked then. He had known Morgana must have had some plan.
“Well first of all, I would like to hear you say that you will not have me killed because of what I just said,” Morgana had said coolly.
“Of course I won’t,” Arthur had said immediately. “You didn’t choose this.”
“No. The magic chose me,” Morgana had said. “For some reason.”
“I’m not my father.”
“I know that. That’s why I told you. But even so, I cannot stay here.”
Morgana had told him that she had plans that she had been brewing for a long time. There was a druid camp, hidden somewhere deep in a forest, that she wanted to find.
“They could help me. I could learn to control my magic, maybe even control my dreams and use my gifts for something good and useful before it eventually starts to burst out and possibly put me and people around me in danger.”
“So it is truly a part of you. No getting rid of it,” Arthur had tried, desperate now. He was to be crowned as a King as soon as possible and he had always relied on Morgana’s presence and help. She had always been like a family to him and now he would lose her, too. Because of magic.
“No. Not in a safe way. But Arthur, even if there was, I wouldn’t pursue it. Magic has its reasons and it has chosen me. I have a destiny and I have to understand it.”
“How long would you be gone?”
“As long as needed. And…” she hesitated.
“Morgana.” Arthur had almost guessed what she was about to say next.
“Lift the ban of magic,” she had said, a tiny bit of despair in her voice. “This madness has continued too long already. You’re a good man, you have always been different from Uther. Please.”
Arthur had just nodded. “I promise to do my best. You must realize that won’t happen easily or quickly.”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
Morgana had left right after his coronation three days later. They had stood on a courtyard: Arthur, Morgana, Gwen, Gaius, and Merlin. It had been almost dawn and they were truly alone: the whole city was still sleeping.
They had been the only five people who knew about Morgana’s magic and her plans to leave to find druids. Morgana had contacted the druids and Arthur could see two of them waiting, right there at the gates, looking suspicious and most likely ready to attack if any of them tried anything. Arthur had been hesitant and unwilling to let them take Morgana with them, but she had made her decision. There was nothing to be done or said that would have changed her mind.
Gwen was weeping openly, as Morgana had always been her friend first and foremost. Merlin and Gaius had looked sad too, but Arthur imagined he saw something like relief in their eyes. Maybe what Morgana had said was true: if she didn’t learn to take hold of her magic, it would take a hold of her.
Arthur kept his word and started to lift the ban of magic.
It hadn’t been easy, as he had suspected. People were still loyal to Uther and respected his laws. They had learned to hate and fear magic and magic users. Over twenty years was a long time, after all. Arthur had asked members of the Royal Council about it and every single one had opposed it. They seemed to be sure that lifting the ban would result nothing more but doom and death. Arthur had tried to reason with them: there were other kingdoms in which practising of magic was legal and they were still strong and did well. He told them Camelot would be stronger, too, if they could recruit some wizards or witches to fight for them. They only needed some more laws to draw some limits.
“One can use sword to do both evil and good with it, and magic is no different. If someone uses it for their own gain or to hurt others, it is of course punishable. But if someone uses it for something innocent or to help others, I don’t see why they should die for that,” he tried, but the Council only looked him like he was mad.
He retired that evening, feeling like he had failed already. Merlin was there, along with delicious plateful of food. Sometimes Merlin wasn’t so hopeless.
“I take it that it didn’t go well,” Merlin commented when he had taken one look of Arthur’s face.
“No,” Arthur said. “They think it’s mad.” He wished Morgana was there with him. Now, he felt so alone.
“It’s not mad, Arthur,” Merlin said quietly. He had been like that. Quiet, solemn and somehow… careful.
“So, you think this is a right thing to do?” Arthur asked. He knew it wasn’t proper to ask a servant’s opinion, but this was Merlin. He had been there for Arthur in every situation and often had a surprisingly wise thoughts about things that truly mattered.
“Yes,” Merlin said immediately. “And Morgana might have started this whole thing, but I know that you don’t want to order executions of innocents, even if they are complete strangers to you.”
“Gaius told me about old times, when magic was a normal part of Camelot’s everyday life,” Arthur said. “He said it was prosperous time. He was able to heal his patients with magic, farmers grew their crops by using magic, the kingdom was much more powerful enemy in battles and wars… There had been some evildoers and criminals who were sorcerers, but they were punished like everyone else. Father had had magical guards and knights who took care of that. The more I think of it, the more I am convinced that the Purge was just result of my father’s grief.”
Merlin nodded. He had been so serious. Arthur hadn’t seen his servant smile or laugh and hadn’t heard his usual incessant chatter in weeks. After Morgana had left, Merlin had changed. Arthur wondered, if he missed Morgana that much, and that made him think if Merlin had fallen in love with her. But… it just didn’t feel like that was it.
There had been also times when Merlin had opened his mouth to say something but closed it soon after, apparently changing his mind.
Weeks turned into months, and finally Arthur found himself announcing the repeal of ban of magic and declaring number of new laws coming into effect. During those months he had also investigated the archives of all executed sorcerers and together with Geoffrey, Gaius and Merlin, they had created a list about all the innocents who had died from Uther’s hand. He handwrote a letter to each of their family members, begging for forgiveness and telling them that things are going to change during his reign. He knew it would never be enough, but it was something. Perhaps he would be able to end the circle of revenge.
The day after Arthur had officially announced that ban of magic was gone, Merlin came to him, looking scared but determined.
“I have magic,” he said, and Arthur’s first thought was ‘so you’re leaving me too’, which was surprising. He didn’t feel angry or particularly betrayed, just disappointed and sad. Like Morgana, Merlin would choose magic over him.
Apparently, Merlin saw this from Arthur’s face, but interpreted it in a wrong way.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you before. I promised myself that I would tell you that day the ban is repealed, so you don’t have to choose between your kingdom and me.”
Arthur shook his head. “So. You’re going to leave, go to live with Druids, too?” he said, hating how weak his voice sounded.
“No, of course not,” Merlin said incredulously, like the very thought was unthinkable. “On the contrary. If you let me, I would like to help you. I am happy the ban is gone, but some bad people might still take advantage of it. You need people of magic on your side, too.”
“Okay. That’s… good.” Arthur said.
They had talked the whole night. Merlin had told him about is magic, and how he had used it to protect Camelot and its royals. Arthur listened him, feeling like his life had turned upside down. A year ago, his father had made him believe that all magic users were mad, corrupted, and inherently evil. Now, one of his greatest friends was a sorceress, living with Druids and learning how to do more magic. And now his servant, his other great friend, was apparently enormously powerful warlock who had guarded Arthur’s life with his magic.
That was the night Arthur realized he was in love. How could he not love someone who was not only loyal, brave, and good company, but also his personal guardian angel, a person who was always there for him, all the while risking his own life for him? Merlin had told him everything and Arthur suddenly felt like there was no other person for him.
“My place is on your side, no matter what,” Merlin had said, his eyes shining. “It’s destiny, but it’s also just me, wanting to be here.”
After a while, Arthur couldn’t bear to see him do any servant work. It was below him.
“Would you be my Court Sorcerer?” he asked one night, and Merlin dropped a bucket and a cloth he had levitated in air while cleaning. Bucket clanged to the floor, splashing water everywhere.
“What?” he said but decided he had heard correctly and answered before Arthur had a chance to repeat his question. “Court Sorcerer? I didn’t mean this when I told you about my magic. It wasn’t my way to pursue for power or better status.”
“I know that, you idiot,” Arthur said, his heart swelling. “But you were right. I need someone on my side who knows about magic and can give me advice. You have been a good counsellor, Merlin, and I think it is time that your position is made official. Also, it will establish magic’s place in this kingdom, and you could be representative of good use of magic.”
“You’ve truly thought this trough, haven’t you?” Merlin asked, and Arthur saw from his eyes that he would eventually accept his proposition.
There had also been a matter of a Queen.
Merlin eventually found his place and position in Arthur’s court. Things were different: Arthur, his knights and advisors held council while seated at a round table. It had been Merlin’s idea: like that, no one had a higher place than another, and everyone had a right to speak their mind. They all had their own place and those places had been engraved in the table. The text in front of Arthur said Regis and Merlin’s place was marked by a word Magus. There was also an empty place next to Arthur, which said Reginae, the Queen.
Arthur had always known that he would have to marry eventually, but it had actualized when he had to sit next to an empty chair every day. He also knew that everyone wanted and waited for him to marry. Foreign royals and nobles brought their daughters with them as they visited Camelot and while all women were perfectly lovely, Arthur quickly found out that he could not marry any of them.
He had found love of his life already. He sat on his left side instead of right, but Arthur valued Merlin’s opinion much more than he ever could his wife’s.
He hadn’t told Merlin anything about his feelings for him. If Merlin didn’t feel the same about him, things would get awkward and their easy and natural relationship would never be the same. It was too big a risk. And even if they did end up in romantic relationship… which was something Arthur didn’t even dare to dream about… Merlin could never be anything but his lover. They could not marry or be official couple in any way. Obviously, they couldn’t produce an heir.
So no, Arthur did not want to find a wife. He didn’t want to marry some woman who he couldn’t truly ever love or who was always the second best to him. It wouldn’t be fair to her or him or anyone.
His advisors, however, seemed to think that Queen of Camelot was necessary.
“Your Majesty,” said one of his oldest council members, Lord Ronald, during one meeting, “there is a matter I would like to bring forth, with your leave, sire.”
Arthur motioned for him to go on. Ronald coughed.
“I just would like to inquire about your intentions to marry. You are still very young, Your Majesty, but having a Queen beside you would bring stabilization and possibly help us to have better relations to some noble family or even a royal family.”
Cold dread went through Arthur, but he didn’t let anything show. Carefully he avoided looking at Merlin, who was sitting right next to him.
“This is a matter I have given some thought, too, Lord Ronald,” he said carefully. ”But while I acknowledge that your points are valid, I still think it’s too early to think about marriage. I am still getting accustomed to my role as a King. It would be a disservice to bring a Queen to the picture right now.”
Lord Roland just nodded, and thankfully they moved on to other subjects.
Later that evening, Merlin brought it up, because of course he did.
“Are you sure you don’t want to marry yet?” he asked. He sat down next to Arthur. He still had a habit of lounging in Arthur’s rooms, even though Arthur had given him his own spacious place to work and sleep in. Not that Arthur complained: Merlin’s company was always appreciated.
Except when he asked questions Arthur didn’t want to answer.
“Yes, Merlin, that’s what I said,” he answered, hoping Merlin would just let it go.
He didn’t. “But don’t you feel lonely? I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to share responsibilities with someone?”
Arthur sighed. Merlin’s obliviousness was both blessing and curse.
“I’m not lonely. I have people around me who help me and support me. I don’t need a wife for that.”
Merlin bit his lip. “That is true. But having a wife is different. I mean, surely you must want someone who loves you and takes care of you, not just your kingdom?”
Arthur was getting frustrated. Merlin was there, talking so casually about love and caring, talking about Arthur marrying someone. It hurt. Merlin, who claimed that he protected Arthur and had said he would be willing to give his life for Arthur, truly didn’t understand that he was the only one Arthur would ever love. Because how could anyone else compare to that?
“I have a headache,” he said mechanically and stood up. “I think I’m going to retire. Good night, Merlin.”
Merlin looked understandably confused about this abrupt dismiss but stood up as well.
“Um, okay. Good night, Arthur.”
He turned to go but looked behind him just as he opened the door.
“I’m sorry if I upset you, sire. I only want your best,” he said quietly, and Arthur wanted to kiss him and also slap him. How could he not see that he was the one who obviously cared for him, that his presence was more effective than anyone else’s?
“You didn’t,” Arthur said instead. “I’m just tired.”
“Okay.”
Morgana arrived three weeks after they had received her letter, just before Midsummer.
Merlin had knocked on his door frantically. “Arthur, she is here!” he exclaimed, and Arthur hadn’t needed to ask who Merlin had meant. He followed Merlin to the window. They saw the courtyard where people had already gathered to welcome the Lady Morgana.
Arthur’s heart skipped a beat when she laid his eyes on her he first time in two years. Even from high up he could see that she had changed: her hair was longer than ever, her dark locks reaching below her waist. She was wearing some very simple and colourful clothes, so very different from fine dresses she had used to wear before. She looked happy, relaxed and younger. Arthur couldn’t fight a smile: she reminded him of the time when they both had been just children.
There were some people with her, too, but Arthur decided he would focus on them later.
Morgana dismounted from her horse, smiling widely. Gwen appeared out of nowhere and rushed to embrace her former mistress, her friend. Morgana laughed and gripped Gwen tightly in her arms, saying something to her ear. Gwen released her but didn’t step too far. Artur knew that Gwen had kept Morgana’s old room intact and still cleaned it every now and then. She had truly missed her.
As had Arthur.
“Let’s go,” he said to Merlin, just as Leon appeared to his door.
“My lord, lady Mor—” he started, but Arthur was already moving.
“Yes, I saw. Please, escort her and the visitors she brought with her to the Great Hall. We must not forget that this is also an audience with the Druid representatives,” he said, reminding himself about that fact as much as he did Leon.
“Yes, my lord,” Leon said, and Arthur could see he was also fighting a smile.
Soon, Arthur found himself sitting on his throne, Merlin steady on his side and Knights of the Round table gathered in front of him. The doors opened, and Morgana promptly walked in. She had changed, yes, but she could never lose the general aura of confidence and determination that she possessed. She was followed by people who Arthur presumed to be some sort of Druid leaders, and, to his surprise, four children.
“Your majesty,” Morgana said, smirking. “Arthur.”
“Morgana,” Arthur simply said. “Welcome back.”
There hadn’t been time to exchange pleasantries or talk. Morgana had formally introduced the Druids she had brought with her.
There was a man called Aidan, who was indeed the leader of that particular group of Druids. He was fairly young, maybe a bit older than Arthur, tall, lean and bald, and he had some very ornamental tattoos on his head and side of his face. He had a low, calm voice and Arthur could immediately sense that sort of trustfulness and authority which only good leaders omitted.
To his shock, Arthur learned that two women accompanying Aidan were both his wives. First of them was called Liliwen, red-haired and petite woman who was very obviously with child. The other was called Ina. She had a long, braided hair and dark skin. She was looking a bit nervous, which was of course understandable.
“And these are our children,” Aidan said as three girls and one boy stepped forward. The girls were Aidan’s and Liliwen’s judging by their red hair. A lone little boy was then most likely Ina’s, as his complexion was a bit darker.
“I am happy to welcome you all here in Camelot,” Arthur said, not letting his immense confusion to show. How can a man have two wives? Isn’t that weird and… difficult? “I hope you enjoy your stay here and that we can start anew. It is my dearest wish that we can learn to trust and respect each other once again.”
Aidan bowed. “It is our wish as well, my King,” he said.
Merlin stepped forward, as they had planned. They had talked about it: it was for the best that the Druids were to see someone like them at the first change.
“I welcome you as well,” he said, smiling. “My name is Merlin, King Arthur’s court mage and magical advisor.”
“We know you, Emrys,” Aidan said and bowed again. “And I thank you.”
Merlin looked as confused as Arthur felt. Emrys? What did that mean? And what Aidan meant that they know Merlin? They met for the first time!
He decided to find out about that later. “Servants will show you to your rooms. Let us converse more at night, as we have arranged a feast to honour our guests, as well as celebrate Lady Morgana’s return.”
The Druids left, and Morgana went with them. She mouthed “see you later”, as she went, and Arthur felt a little disappointed. He did realize that it was important that their guests felt welcome, but surely Morgana had a minute to greet him properly?
“She’s one of them now, you know,” Merlin said quietly to him. He probably saw his thoughts from his face.
“I know that, Merlin,” Arthur said, hearing defensive tone in his voice.
“Tell me again why, exactly, are you doing this?” Arthur asked, doing his best to sound annoyed.
“You dismissed George already and it’s not like you could do this by your own,” Merlin said, smoothening Arthur’s collar and making Arthur involuntarily stiffen.
“I can very well dress myself,” he scoffed.
Merlin just rolled his eyes. “Evidently not, sire.”
Even though Merlin was not a servant anymore – in fact, he had his own servants now – he still had a habit of showing up to Arthur’s rooms and just starting to clean things up or help Arthur with something. Arthur’s new manservant, George, seemed to resent this sort of behaviour, but he never said anything. Of course he didn’t, he was a perfect servant who didn’t voice his opinions and certainly didn’t talk back.
Arthur had forgotten that good servants were supposed to be like that. How dull it was.
So, when Merlin showed up, Arthur usually sent George away. As he had done now. In the middle of getting dressed.
“You are my Court Sorcerer,” Arthur said, all the while shrugging into a coat Merlin had offered to him. “I assumed you had some important matters to discuss with me or… something.”
“No, just came to check how you are faring,” Merlin said. “You know, now that Morgana is home again.”
“So?”
“I know you have missed her.”
Arthur arranged a confused look on his face. "What do you mean? It’s not like I’ve been all alone here with my new duties and title. I have…”
You.
“…lots of people who have helped me. She has been the greatest help during these years, forging peace with Druids.”
“I don’t mean that. I mean you’ve missed her. Don’t try to deny it,” Merlin said and something in his voice made Arthur pause.
“Okay then. I have missed her. Happy now?” he said, wishing for a subject change.
“I always wondered if you two would marry,” Merlin said in very casual way then and that’s when Arthur almost exploded.
“What.”
“Well, why not?” Merlin went on. “She’s a daughter of a nobleman and as a late King’s ward she’s practically a princess. You know each other, you like each other. She’s smart and strong. I had always assumed that you would want to make her your Queen.”
“Well, you assumed wrong,” Arthur growled. He was aware that his face was hot and probably red, but not for a reason that Merlin imagined.
“Whatever you say,” Merlin said, his voice teasing, clearly not believing Arthur at all.
“The feast is probably about to start,” Arthur murmured and fled.
The Feast was a blur. Arthur played Merlin’s words in his head again and again. He felt like he should’ve explained himself to Merlin a bit more. Now it surely looked like he was in love with Morgana or something. But… would explaining help at all? Clearly Merlin didn’t have any deeper feelings towards Arthur at all. He wouldn’t be pushing Arthur to marry otherwise. It didn’t matter what Merlin thought: the point was that he would be happy if Arthur married someone else.
It felt like all hope Arthur had harboured for years was now cut from its roots.
Still, he couldn’t help but glance at Merlin from time to time during the feast, like to rekindle the hope. Their eyes seemed to always meet whenever Arthur sought him out from the crowd: it made him wonder if Merlin was actively seeking him out, too.
Probably not. Not in a way Arthur wished, at least.
“You seem distracted, You Majesty,” said someone and Arthur almost jumped.
He looked to his left and was met with Ina’s smiling eyes. For some reason she was attending the feast while her husband was not present.
“I apologize,” Arthur said, embarrassed. “It wasn’t my intention to neglect my guests.”
“Worry not, my king,” Ina said. “It has been an extraordinary day to all of us.”
“Have you found your rooms to your liking?”
“Yes, very much. Though, this is very new to us. Our children have never been inside a building, let alone a castle. It will take time for them adjust.”
Arthur frowned. “Are they distressed?”
“No, no. Do not worry, sire, they are merely very excited,” Ina said, chuckling.
“That’s good to hear. I noticed that Aidan’s other wife is with child, is she feeling comfortable?”
“Liliwen is comfortable, yes. She was too tired to join the feast, though, and Aidan left to keep her company. They are sorry they cannot attend,” Ina said, and she sounded genuinely sorry.
“And is Lady Morgana accompanying them?” Arthur asked. He had not spotted Morgana in the room since the feast started some hours ago.
Ina frowned. “No, I don’t think so, my lord. We haven’t seen her since our arrival. I imagined she was with you.”
“She wasn’t,” Arthur said, which was quite unnecessary remark.
“There’s a one thing I would like to correct you, sire, if you don’t mind,” Ina said suddenly.
“Of course,” Arthur said, wondering what he said that needed correcting.
“Liliwen is my wife, too. As much as she is Aidan’s. We all love each other in the same way and care of each other. And, no matter who has given born to them, we all are parents to all our children.”
Arthur frowned. It had been strange enough to think that a man could marry two women, but that those women were also married…
“Is that common among Druids?” he asked.
Ina smiled. “It is. We do not view marriage in the same way as you, I think. It’s not about wealth, convenience or a way to forge relationships between families. It’s only about love. And we believe that all people love differently, and marriage should not limit them.”
Arthur’s eyes automatically found Merlin, once again. If he had that option to marry whoever he wanted, without laws or people’s opinions to restrict him…
Though it didn’t really matter, did it? Merlin wouldn’t accept him even if it’d be possible to propose to him.
“And it is completely normal for a man to marry a man, too?” Arthur asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
“Yes, of course. Our only restriction is that a person who wants to marry must have completed their initiation rites and thus be of age.”
“That’s… fascinating.”
“I know it’s different,” Ina said, completely misunderstanding Arthur’s reason to his hesitation. “But we have learned a lot about your ways while Morgana stayed with us. I think it’s important that we get to know each other’s ways and traditions so we can start to form a friendship.”
Ah. Diplomacy. That was somehow much easier subject than marriage.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
A moment later Morgana stepped into the Great Hall. She was wearing one of her old gowns and her hair was once again slicked down to an elegant bun. She looked like she never left.
Arthur excused himself from his table.
“Morgana!”
She turned around and smiled. Arthur couldn’t help but noticed it looked a bit forced.
“Arthur, hi. I am sorry for being late, I had forgotten how long preparing for this sort of party can take,” she said.
“No matter. Can we talk, privately?”
“That was actually what I was hoping,” Morgana said, took his arm and dragged him away.
She led them away from the hall, to an empty corridor. Arthur was a bit confused: he’d been sure Morgana would have to be persuaded to leave the party. She had been acting distantly towards him, after all.
“There’s something I have to tell you,” she said without preambles. “I should have told you a long time ago.”
Arthur frowned. That sounded a bit too familiar. Last time she had started a conversation that way, she had left him for two years.
“What is it? Is everything okay?”
Morgana bit her lip. “It’s not… bad. At least, not anymore. I mean, it’s a little unsettling, but not as much as it used to be—”
“Morgana, what is it? What are you talking about?”
She closed her eyes, sighed and then opened her eyes.
“When Uther was very weak and everyone knew he would die soon, he summoned for me. He could hardly speak anymore. I went to see him and… well, he confessed that he is my father.”
And that was when Arthur’s brain promptly shut down. He just stared Morgana, his mouth hanging open and no words forming. He never could have expected this. Anything, but this.
“…what?” he finally said.
“He had an affair with my mother while Gorlois was away,” Morgana explained, her expression stormy. “Gorlois was supposedly his dear friend but betraying him seemed like an easy thing to do, apparently.”
“So… you are my sister?” Arthur sputtered, as that was the only coherent thought his mind was able to come up with.
“Half-sister, yes. I’m still a bit loss if I am happy about that fact or should I just remain horrified about the fact that Uther’s blood runs in my veins. I was certainly angry when he told me. I left as soon as he had made his little confession. I guess he thought his afterlife would become easier for him if he told me of his sin. Not that it matters. He is dead.”
“He is,” Arthur agreed. “Has been for over two years, now. Why haven’t you told me?”
“That was the part I have been distressed about,” Morgana said, her tone of voice changing to pleading. “I already had one huge secret to tell you when he died. I just couldn’t bring myself to pour it all to you right then. And it would’ve been weird to tell that in a letter. I promised myself I would tell you this the first change I got when we arrive here. I hope you are not too angry with me.”
“That’s why you have been distant?”
“Yes. I wanted to tell you this the first thing.”
Arthur took a deep breath. He wasn’t quite sure what to think or how to feel. On one hand, he was happy to hear he had a living relative, a sibling he had always secretly wished. On the other hand, he was once again faced with the fact that his father had been deeply flawed, even before Ygraine had died. Uther had always talked about Gorlois as his best friend but had betrayed him like that anyway. Who does something like that to their friend?
“Do you… are you planning to tell this to everyone? Should we announce it, or… something?” Arthur asked.
Morgana shrugged. “I am not sure. I feel like it is still better to be a nobleman’s daughter than a king’s bastard. I am not seeking any title. Nor am I trying to challenge you for the crown. That’s not why I told you.”
“I know.”
“I have to think about it,” Morgana said. “I… I haven’t given it much thought, I just wanted to tell you. Please, don’t tell about this to anyone yet.”
“I won’t,” Arthur promised.
Morgana smiled, looking relieved and visibly more relaxed.
“Shall we go back to the party?” she asked, offering her hand. “We can talk more later.”
Arthur nodded, and held his arm for her.
“Wait, so Morgana’s mother had an affair with Uther?” Merlin asked him, frowning to his table, seemingly very confused.
Arthur grimaced. It sounded so much worse when someone else said it out loud.
“Yes. One more reason to doubt if my father ever had any morals.”
“Don’t say that, of course he had,” Merlin said, which sounded even more absurd, as Uther would have killed him without hesitation had he known what Merlin was. “He just made a mistake. I’m sure he regretted it afterwards. And he did take Morgana under his wing after her parents had died.”
They were in Merlin’s chambers. Arthur had climbed the stairs to the tower first thing after his breakfast and a council meeting. He intended to keep his promise to Morgana and not tell her true parentage to anyone. Well, anyone except Merlin, of course. Merlin was always his exception.
“Well, I guess I was wrong. About you marrying her, I mean,” Merlin said.
“You were wrong about that in any case, idiot. Morgana was like a sister to me even before I knew she actually is my sister,” Arthur said, unable to keep his tone of voice perfectly composed. “This doesn’t change anything, not really.”
Merlin sat next to him and startled Arthur by putting his hand gently on his.
“Doesn’t it?” he asked, and damn, when did Merlin become so wise?
Probably around the time he stopped pretending to be an idiot, Arthur mind supplied.
“It does,” Arthur admitted. “I don’t want her to leave again. But she doesn’t really have a title here anymore and she is hesitant about telling everyone about this. And even if she did, I’m not sure what she would become then. A princess? A royal bastard?”
Arthur took his chance at his weak moment and squeezed Merlin’s hand. To his delight, Merlin squeezed back and didn’t withdraw his hand. Instead, he smiled softly.
“She will do as she sees best. I’m sure she doesn’t even know what she should do next. But you will figure it out with her. It’s going to be alright,” Merlin said. He stroked Arthur’s hand with his thumb absentmindedly, making Arthur’s heart swell in his chest.
“You could give her a similar position I have,” Merlin went on. “Magical advisor, maybe? Or Royal Seer? Maybe not that, Seeing things all the time can be quite a burden…”
Arthur was only half listening, very much aware about the skin contact they were sharing, and which didn’t seem to bother Merlin the slightest. In fact, if Arthur didn’t know better, it was like they did this sort of thing on a regular basis. Like they had held hands while they talked all the time.
At some point he realized that Merlin had stopped talking and was looking Arthur like he expected him to say his opinion. Or maybe answer a question. Shit.
“Sorry, what?” Arthur said.
Merlin rolled his eyes. “So nice to be an advisor to someone who doesn’t even listen to me. I said, what if you created a position for an ambassador? Maybe Morgana could continue to represent Camelot among Druids but work mostly from here.”
“Maybe,” Arthur said. “If she even wants to stay. She might want to go back no matter what. She must have a lot of friends among the Druids, maybe she even has found someone she is romantically involved…”
“She doesn’t,” Merlin interrupted him. Arthur looked at him, surprised.
“How do you know?”
“Well, um. I mean, I think she has some friends there, but um. We talked a bit and Morgana told me that she has been sort of… lonely. Like, she is surrounded by people all the time and she calls some of them her friends, but I got impression that they mostly practise their magic together and talk about it. And that’s all that she and the Druids have in common, you know? I think she has missed Camelot.”
Arthur frowned. “Sounds like you two have been talking quite a bit.”
Merlin, sadly, let go of his hand, groaning. “I only asked how’s her life has been during these two years, and she answered. Not that deep conversation. No need to be jealous.”
“I’m not,” Arthur said automatically, even though he was. He just wasn’t sure who he was jealous of.
“We are going to have a party,” announced Aidan the next day.
“Oh?” Arthur said.
Aidan smiled and nodded. They were sitting in front of fire in Aidan and his family’s guest room. Ina and Liliwen were putting their children to sleep. Arthur had just wanted to check if his guests were okay, but Aidan had invited him to sit and talk with him.
“Yes. I already mentioned about this to Em—to Merlin and he didn’t see any… well, I hope it is not rude to arrange something like that when we are your guests, sire. Your court mage seemed to approve the idea.”
“It is completely fine,” Arthur assured him. “What sort of party did you have in mind?”
“It’s a traditional Druid feast, actually. We usually throw them during the full moon, and that is coming up next week. You have made us feel welcome by arranging a feast in our honour, so allow us to do the same.”
“Of course.” Arthur held out his hand and Aidan grasped it. “I’d be delighted to have that experience.”
“Excellent!” Aidan exclaimed, earning a stern looks and shushing from his wives as their children were probably just about to fall asleep. Aidan threw an apologetic look to their direction, but turned back to Arthur with a smile on his face.
“Let us gather in a forest during a full moon, then. We do have one wish, though. Only invite people who are important to you, sire. Only people you really want to be with. No diplomacy, no politeness, just people who you care and love. Well, except us.”
Arthur almost said, out of politeness, that he did care for the Druids, too, but when realized what Aidan meant.
“I’m afraid the party’s participant number will be very low,” he said, feeling his cheek redden. “There are few people who I truly care about in a personal level. I mean, I care about lot of people. My kingdom. But… love is another matter.”
“That is the point,” Aidan said warmly. “You can be yourself with there few people, yes? And we really want you to be completely comfortable while you are our guest.”
“But… there are, like… two, maybe three people,” Arthur said weakly. “That’s hardly a feast, it’ll be more like a small gathering.”
“Well, then, a small gathering it is!” Liliwen said, coming to stand next to his husband, her hand covering her quite large belly. “I like those much more than big feasts, don’t you, Your Highness?”
“I must admit, I do. And the idea sounds… appealing, if I am honest,” Arthur admitted, already feeling lighter. How did his father ever hate or fear these people? Everything would have been so much easier, their lives so much happier, if they had just let them be, or better yet, been their friends all these years. “But, I’m sorry to say, but I must have some guards with me. Not because I doubt you intentions, of course, but I have to have security.”
“You will have your Court Sorcerer with you in any case, don’t you? He can keep you safe, can’t he?” Ina piped up. smiling knowingly. “As he is a person you love?”
Arthur’s heart started to race in chest. Was he that obvious? Was it so apparent that people who were virtually strangers could see his infatuation with his former manservant, current Court Sorcerer? Who else has seen that? Was he that transparent?
“Please, sire, do not worry,” Aidan said, apparently seeing distress in his face. “There’s nothing bad about that. You trust him with your life, you respect him and enjoy his company. It’s only natural.”
“What I meant,” Arthur said, trying to act like that part of conversation simply didn’t exists, “was that I must select some knights to come with me. My court will not let me come if I don’t.”
“That is fine. Just choose the knights who you have the closest relationship with.”
“I will,” Arthur immediately said.
He managed to make some sort of believable excuse and fled to his rooms. He closed the door, leaned against it and rubbed his face.
"He is a person you love".
He had known it, of course he had. But hearing someone say it out loud, so casually, like it wasn't a problem, like it wasn't a big deal...
Arthur slept fitfully that night.