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”John!”
John’s body was wet and heavy against him. His breathing was so shallow Sherlock could barely feel it, despite them being pressed together. His own numbing transport didn’t matter. But having John against him, even when cold and numb, made Sherlock feel a bit better. As if their contact could keep John alive.
”John, I called Lastrade.” He said, trying to keep his voice steady. ”They’re on their way.”
He held John tighter, noticing how he didn’t shiver anymore. It was a bad sign.
”John, stay with me. Stay with me for eight more minutes.”
He got no response except a small huff. Sherlock’s pulse was beating visibly on the side of his neck, while John’s was weak.
”John please.”
”Mhm..”
”Do you want me to talk? I don’t…I don’t know what to do.” Sherlock admitted, his voice cracking at the last word. His fingers and feet were starting to go numb. It grew colder around him. Wetter. The water reached his shoulders now, and John’s chin was almost under. The fall of water were right beside them, so close water was splashing on their faces.
”Mm.”
”Alright. First of all, I’m sorry you ended up here. I’m sorry. There is also something I’ve always wanted to say to you…” He said and held John even tighter to distract himself from his shaking hands.”…that I never said…”
Only the roar of the water filling the well was heard, before Sherlock took a deep breath. He leaned in to speak in his ear, to make sure he really heard him. ”You can hate me for this, John, but it needs to be said. I am in love with you.” The realization punched him in the stomachs and he sighed. ”I always have been. I always thought I wasn’t capable of feeling these things, but the chemistry does not lie.”
He felt John shift his head with a great effort, before letting it fall back on Sherlock shoulder, this time facing his neck.
”You idiot…” He whispered so softly Sherlock almost didn’t catch it. Sherlock laughed in relief and tilted his head back, blinking away tears he knew John couldn’t see anyway. John didn’t hate him. He continued.
”You were always so defensive about it that I thought it would be better to not discuss it. But the chemistry between both of us…is clear to read.”
He felt John’s hand on his neck. His thumb was rubbing in slow circles, like all strength was leaving him but he wanted to feel Sherlock one last time. Sherlock pushed the thought away. John was going to leave this well. Both of them. Alive. Not in body bags. Their story did not end here.
”But now that I’m dying…” John chuckled weakly, chest not even moving.
Sherlock chose to ignore it. The thought made him sick.
”I don’t know if I made the right choice to. I still don’t know these things…just the science of it. That doesn't help anymore.”
”You’re doing good.” John mumbled weakly, voice almost not strong enough to be heard. But Sherlock heard it. And it made his head flutter. He raised a hand to hold around John’s shoulders instead of under, and John leaned his head against his chest, under his chin. For a moment, he risked getting submerged, just to lay against the detectives chest.
”I was afraid to lose you. You are the first person, besides my parents, to really care for me. Yes I know Mycroft might…care a bit but from outside the family…it’s you John. It’s always been you. Only you. You saw something in me worth staying for, and that’s…” He couldn’t find the right word. ”not something that happens.”
He felt John chuckle against him. It was faint, but there. He felt the huff of air on his neck.
”You’re an idiot, Sherlock.”
Sherlock smiled. There wasn’t anything else to do. He just told John how he felt, and John did not hate him. Maybe because he was his lifeline now. He might despise him after a good nights rest in a warm bed. But this was now.
”Ms Hudson asked me once, you know.” John tried to speak above the sundering waterfall, with great effort. Sherlock felt the muscles he tensed just to get the words out. ”She asked if you were my boyfriend.”
Sherlock couldn't help but smile, and leaned into John’s ear again.”What did you say?”
John was quiet for a while, maybe gathering the strength to talk, before saying; ”I was stupid Sherlock. I…should’ve told you as well. I don’t know why I didn’t. Perhaps I was ashamed.”
Sherlock, as weird as it sounds, had really loved this moment. The adrenalin in his veins, John pressed against him. Now it wasn’t as fun. John was actually slowly dying. His words slowly turned to gasps. The water reached his lips now and Sherlock ducked to move John’s head onto his shoulder once more, to escape the rising water. Their time was running out.
”Can I kiss you?”
He saw John’s lips move into a tired, but genuine smile. He didn’t have the strength to respond, or even open his eyes, but Sherlock look the smile as a yes.
He reached down to kiss him with all the strength he had. Even his own strenght were fading, and the arms holding John were slowly dropping him as they grew numb. His fingers had lost all feeling. It wasn’t like Sherlock had imagined it. He held John’s body against him, but it’s wasn’t warm. It was ice cold, and his lips like ice cubes. It was still John, he thought. Even though he couldn’t feel him or smell him, it was John. His sweater was starting to get heavy and pulled him down even more, but Sherlock couldn’t bring himself to remove it, or move from their position. He held him even tighter as the water now covered their lips. Soon Sherlock had to break it to breathe, and John was under water.
”John.” He whispered and tried to lift him, but the chain stopped it. His arms were getting tired. He couldn’t hold him up anymore. Then he started to panic. His brain abandoned him, and he was left with nothing.
John tipped his head back to get his mouth above water and spit some out.
”Sherlock…”
”John…”
”It’s okay. Calm down… I love…” Then the cold water swallowed him. Sherlock tried to lift him, but couldn’t. Not even adrenalin could break chains. He pulled. He cursed. He cried. Then he saw a light. A flashlight. And voices. Then a man landed beside him, and dived under the surface. Sherlock couldn’t speak. He just chanted John’s name. Then, as the chain was off and John floated to the surface, Sherlock held him and just sobbed. John gasped in air and coughed out water, before he was taken by the paramedics. Then Sherlock knew they were going to be ok.