Chapter Text
Summer: a time of relaxing, having fun, all that jazz. Unless you’re part of the Pines family. Hey, my name’s Sarah Jane Pines. How old am I, you ask? Well, I’m thirteen. Prime age for physical and hormonal hell. I live in Gravity Falls Oregon with Stan Pines, who took me in as a baby, since my father was presumed dead and they apparently had been good friends. I guess he’s kind of my uncle. I mean, he’ll call me his niece and stuff, so I guess he is. This summer, my apparent cousins’ parents decided to ship them up here to give them some fresh air. I’ve never met them. Hell, I haven’t been anywhere outside of Gravity Falls and its surrounding dense forest. Stan is my cousins’ great-uncle, so that somehow works out. Our place in the woods is called The Mystery Shack. Shack was the perfect term to use to describe it. Stan has it designed as a tourist trap, filled with fake oddities that attract the weak-minded. I’ve been working there since I could count. I mean, hell, I’ve lived in the Shack all my life, so I don’t have much of a choice. The town of Gravity Falls is filled with creepy stuff and legends that are actually true. My twin cousins are in for a big surprise.
“Sarah Jane!” Stan’s gruff voice called from the other room. I leaned on the cash register counter, reading a magazine, but within a few seconds, I couldn’t even remember what I had been reading.
“What?” I called back.
“Your cousins are going to be here any minute! Get the door when it rings.”
“You’re closer to the door than I am.”
“I don’t pay you to just stand there when someone comes to the door.”
“You don’t pay me at all!”
“You sarcastic little-” Stan was cut off by the doorbell ringing. “Fine, I’ll get the door.” I smiled to myself. Just another average interaction with Stan. I could hear the voices from the door. I looked up when I heard footsteps entering the room. Stan walked in with my cousins. If they weren’t twins, it would be terrifying how similar they looked. I was still a little taller than them. My eyes were naturally narrow, making my smile look a little more cunning. “Kids, this is your cousin once removed. Still your cousin.”
“Hi!” the girl greeted instantly. She had a huge smile and was wearing a pink, shooting star sweater. Her long brown hair was pulled back with a headband. Cute. “I’m Mabel!” The two of us shook hands.
“Sarah Jane,” I replied.
“This one’s Dipper,” she told me, pointing towards her brother.
“Hey,” he said neutrally. I think I intimidated him a little, to my pure delight.
“Hey,” I answered. “How do you guys like the town so far?”
“It’s….different,” Dipper told me, seeming kind of hesitant.
“You’ll learn to like it.”
Most of our interactions carried on like that for the first few days. I was working on the golf cart when I happened to turn and see Mabel rolling down a small hill.
“Yay, grass!” she called out as she rolled. She looked on the bright side of everything, an optimism that was amusing and appreciated. Dipper on the other hand, was sitting under a tree with some little notebook while a woodpecker drove him insane. They did move into the attic with me, so that was still pretty good. Mabel had already put up posters and stuff, while Dipper had to deal with Gompers, the goat that lived on the property. I smiled a little, watching Mabel roll down the hill again and seeing Stan sneak up on Dipper with a mask on.
“Boo!” Stan called out, causing Dipper to fall to the ground. He pulled off the mask, laughing, coughing and then laughing again. Typical routine. I really hoped Dipper would start to get used to it.
One particular day marked the beginning of everything. Mabel was hiding behind the shelf that held the bobble-head figures of Stan. I was standing next to her, actually restocking everything. A kid was standing over by the cash register. He pulled a hand-written letter from the postcard rack.
“He’s looking at it, he’s looking at it,” Mabel whispered.
“Do you like me?” he read aloud. “Yes, definitely….absolutely?” He looked around uncomfortably. I snickered.
“I rigged it!”
“Mabel,” Dipper’s voice broke the moment, “I know you’re going through your whole boy-crazy phase, but I think you’re overdoing the crazy part.”
“What? Come on, Dipper. It’s our first summer away from home. It’s my big chance to have the most epic summer romance!”
“Yeah, but do you really have to flirt with every guy you meet?”
“Mock me all you want, brother. I wouldn’t be surprised if the man of my dreams walked through that door right now!” Mabel pointed at the doorway behind her, which had red curtains somewhat blocking the top of the entrance. Stan walked through a few seconds later, a pop can in his hand and loud belching coming from his mouth.
“Oh, not good, ow!” he said to himself.
“Oh, why?” Mabel questioned, disgustedly. Dipper laughed and so did I.
“Beautiful timing,” I said to Stan.
“Alright, look alive, people!” he told everyone. “I need someone to go hang up all these signs in the spooky part of the forest.”
“Not it,” the twins and I called out in unison.
“Uh, also not it,” Soos, our handyman, added.
“Nobody asked you, Soos,” Stan replied.
“I know, and I’m comfortable with that.”
“Wendy, I need you to put up this sign!” Wendy’s the other cashier/do-everything-that-needs-to-be-done worker. She’s fifteen, long red hair, absolutely gorgeous, most chill person I have ever met. I love working with her. She, at the moment, was sitting at the register, feet casually up on the counter, reading a magazine.
“I would, but I….uh….can’t reach it,” she replied, pretending that it was too far and a struggle. I smiled.
“I’d fire all of you, if I could. Alright, let’s make it eeny-meeny-miney….you and Sarah.” Stan pointed at Dipper.
“Oh, what?” Dipper complained. “Grunkle Stan, whenever I’m in those woods, I feel like I’m being watched.”
“That’s why you’re taking Sarah Jane with you.”
“I’m telling you, something weird is going on in the town. My mosquito bites spelled out ‘beware’.” Dipper raised his arm for Stan to see.
“That says ‘bewarb’. Look, kid, the whole ‘monsters in the forest’ thing is just town legend hyped up by guys like me to sell stuff to guys like them.” Stan motioned to a customer that was entranced with a bobble-head figure. “Besides, you’re taking Sarah with you, how bad can it be?” Dipper looked back at me and I winked at him. He sighed, as Stan loaded the signs into our arms.
We nailed up the signs on every other tree. It was mostly quiet, making it a bit awkward.
“No one believes anything I say,” Dipper broke the silence.
“I do,” I told him.
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. Let me tell you something, Dipper. Everything Stan says about everything being normal in the town, don’t believe him. Gravity Falls is filled with weird and creepy stuff.”
“You’ve experienced stuff too?” he asked, as he went to put a nail in a tree. A metallic clank rang out when he hit the tree, causing us both to turn. Dipper clanked the tree twice, making sure what he was hearing was real. I walked over to him, just as he pulled a very small hidden covering open. There was a dusty device in the hole that was made into the tree. It had several switches and a gauge.
“Cool,” I said, flicking one of the switches. A whirr of machinery buzzed from behind us. We turned around in time to see Gompers jump away from a newly revealed opening in the ground. The two of us gathered around it. It looked as if a cabinet or a safe had been formatted into the ground. There was something in it. Dipper pulled it out. “What is it?”
“It looks like some type of journal.” He held it up so I could see it, and I let a gasp escape my mouth. It had a six-fingered handprint on the cover with a 3 written over it.
“Dipper,” I started to say. “This looks like how Stan described my dad’s journal.”
“What? I thought your dad died.”
“He did, but Stan told me that he used to keep journals that had the six-fingered handprint on it. It was supposed to be like some different little signature or something. And I kind of remember my dad. Stan says they’re memories that my mind made of from pictures, but somehow….I really remember him. His voice, the outline of his face. I really think this is my dad’s journal.”
“Sarah Jane, I….I believe you.”
“Really?”
“You said it yourself, weird and creepy things go on here. Everything can be a possibility.” Dipper took the journal back from me and opened it. The ‘property of’ page had been torn, so there was no name visible. Dipper flipped a few pages forward and started to read. “It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I began studying the strange and wonderful secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon.” He flipped through a few more pages, that contained information about floating eyeballs, giant vampire bats, gnomes, etc. “Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this book before he finds it, and before he can potentially find her . I can’t let him find her. I have to protect her with all my life, just as I must protect this book. Remember, in Gravity Falls, there is no one you can trust.” The words’ trust no one’ were in bold, all caps and underlined. “No one you can trust….”
“HELLO!” Mabel yelled out from behind us. Dipper and I both jumped. “Whatcha reading? Some nerdy thing?” We both turned around. Dipper put the journal behind his back.
“Uh, uh, it’s nothing,” he tried to hide.
“‘Uh, uh, it’s nothing’,” Mabel mocked. “Are you guys seriously not going to show me?” Dipper and I exchanged looks.
“Let’s go somewhere….private.”
We headed back to the living room of the Shack, which was finally closed. Mabel sat on the arm of Stan’s armchair, while Dipper paced and I sat on the floor.
“It’s fantastic!” Dipper was saying. “Grunkle Stan said I was just being paranoid, but this book says that Gravity Falls has a secret dark side. And we think Sarah Jane’s dad is the one who wrote it. The pages also just stop after a while, and then they all go blank.”
“That’s probably when my dad died,” I spoke up. “He probably never got to finish writing it.” I was interrupted by the doorbell.
“Who’s that?”
“Well, time to spill the beans,” Mabel interjected, tipping over the empty can of beans next to her. “Broop, beans. This girl’s got a date! Whoo, whoo!”
“Wait so let me get this straight, in the forty five minutes we were gone, you already found a boyfriend?”
“Then she’s doing better than me,” I commented with a small smile. I knew that I should’ve been thinking more about the fact that we found my late father’s journal that confirmed our suspicions, but I was more…. plotting inside my head. I had ideas that I wanted to put into motion.
“What can I say? I guess I’m just irresistible!” I laughed, as Mabel proceeded to flop the long sleeves of her sweater around. The doorbell rang again. “Coming!” she called out, running for the door. Dipper and I took a seat on the armchair, with just enough room for both of us. We were about to read more of the journal, but Stan happened to walk by.
“What you reading there, kids?” he asked. Dipper quickly shoved the book behind us and grabbed one of the magazines on the lamp table next to us.
“Uh, ‘Gold Chains for Old Men Magazine’?”
“That’s a good issue. What about you, Sarah?” Time to put my plan in motion.
“Oh, just wondering if maybe you could tell me a story about my dad?” Stan walked over to us, pop can in his hand, and leaned on the armchair.
“One day inearly spring, he conceived you. The end.” I let my smile fade. Dipper and I exchanged glances.
“Hey, family!” Mabel’s sing-song voice grabbed our attention. She stood in the doorway with a….silhouette? of a guy. I, personally, wasn’t sure. He was wearing a dark….everything. Hoodie, pants, shoes, everything. He also had his hood up. “Say hello to my new boyfriend!” He finally turned around. His skin was the palest pale I had ever seen and a strip of shaggy brown hair covered his left eye. It looked like there was….blood on his face.
“‘Sup?” he asked in a deep and kind of raspy voice.
“Hey….?” Dipper greeted hesitantly. I held up two fingers, as a sign of peace.
“How’s it hanging?” Stan greeted, seeming to share the same uncomfortableness.
“We met at the cemetery,” Mabel told us. “He’s really deep.” Her hands moved to hang on his arm. “Ooh, little muscle there. Hehe, what a surprise.”
“So, what’s your name?” Dipper asked.
“Uh….Normal….Man!” the guy replied.
“He means Norman,” Mabel said.
“Are you bleeding, Norman?”
“It’s jam.”
“Oh, I love jam!” Mabel instantly told him. Oh boy. Hopeless romantic 101. “Just look at this connection!”
“So you wanna go hold hands or….whatever?” Norman asked her.
“Oh, oh my goodness! Don’t wait up!” Dipper, Stan and I had switched places by now. Norman left the room, but not before slamming his head on the doorway and then walking out. Dip and I looked at each other, the same expression on our faces: There was something about Norman that wasn’t right.
We decided to consult my dad’s journal, traveling up to the bay window on the attic landing. There was another one in our room, but this one had red tinted glass. It was in the shape of a detailed triangle, something I had questioned for years. Leaning with our backs against the window, we shared the book. I was the one reading this time.
“Known for their extremely pale skin and bad attitudes, these creatures are easily and often mistaken for….oh, that says teenagers. Beware Gravity Falls’s iniquitous-” I was cut off by Dipper’s gasp, as he filled in the blanks.
“Zombie?!” he shouted. It echoed through the house. Great. I was slightly started by the shout, not expecting it to come from him. We both turned around, facing the outside of the window. Mabel and Norman were down below, Mabel sitting on one of the picnic tables. Norman was approaching her, his arms stretched out. She said something, and by reading lips, I assumed it to be ‘I like you’. “No, no, Mabel, watch out!” Dipper urged, as Norman placed his hands by her neck. I analyzed the situation, and it didn’t seem to be the one that Dipper feared. Norman took his hands away, revealing a daisy necklace around Mabel’s neck. Dipper stood up from the bench seat. “Is my twin sister really dating a zombie, or am I just going crazy?”
“It’s a dilemma, to be sure,” Soos’s voice scared the living hell out of Dipper, mostly because Soos appeared out of nowhere, as usual. He was fixing the light. “I couldn’t help but overhear you talking to Sarah while she sits silently, absorbing your every word.”
“Soos, you’ve seen Mabel’s boyfriend. He has to be a zombie, right?” Dipper questioned.
“Hmm. How many brains did you see him eat?”
“Zero.”
“Look, dude, I believe you. I’m always noticing weird stuff going on in this town. Like the mailman? Pretty sure the dude’s a werewolf. But you gotta have evidence. Otherwise, people are gonna think you’re a nut.”
“As always, you’re right, Soos,” I spoke up.
“My wisdom is both a blessing, and a curse.”
“Soos! The portable toilets are clogged again!” Stan called from downstairs.
“I am needed elsewhere.” Soos slowly backed out of the room.
Mabel was potentially in trouble, and we needed to get some evidence. We spied on them for days, which I can’t say I’m particularly proud of, until we had seen enough. Dipper finally dragged me upstairs to the attic. He threw the door open to see Mabel brushing her hair.
“Mabel, we need to talk about Norman!” he stated. I sat down on his bed, just waiting for the show to begin.
“Isn’t he the best?” she responded. “Look at the big smoochie mark he gave me!” She turned her face to reveal a huge red mark.
“Damn,” I heard myself say. Dipper was about to flip, but Mabel started to laugh.
“Ha, gullible. This was just an accident with the leaf blower.” I was already starting to imagine. Kiss practice, most likely. “That was fun.”
“No, Mabel, listen. We’re trying to tell you that Norman isn’t what he seems.” Dipper held up the journal.
“Do you think he might be a vampire? That would be awesome.”
“Guess again.” Dipper held up the zombie page.
“A zombie? Dipper, that’s not funny.”
“I’m not joking. It all fits together. The limp, the bleeding….he never blinks ! Have you noticed that?”
“Maybe he’s blinking when you’re blinking.”
“Sarah, are you in this, too?” I was about to answer, but Dipper cut me off.
“Mabel, remember, the book said trust no one.” I picked up a pillow and whipped it at Dipper.
“Don’t interrupt me,” I snapped. “Look, I’m taking neither side. I can see that you like Norman and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, I think that there’s enough reason from Dipper’s side to take caution when it comes to him.”
“Look, Norman and I are going on a date at five, and I’m going to be adorable, and he’s going to be dreamy. And I’m not gonna let you ruin it with one of your conspiracy theories!” she shoved Dipper out of the room, me following close behind him.
Five came and the doorbell rang. Mabel ran downstairs, pulling on a ‘meow wow’ bedazzled sweater. In the reflection of light, it was as blinding as holding a flashlight to your eye. I leaned by the stairs, listening to the interaction.
“Hey Norman, how do I look?”
“Shiny.”
“You always know what to say.” Dipper watched them from Stan’s armchair. I walked over to them as they left.
“I hate to say it,” I started, “but Soos was right. We don’t have any actual evidence.” Dipper sighed, rewatching the footage we took from spying on them.
“I know. This one’s on me.” I watched the video with him. “I guess I can be really paranoid sometimes, and-”
“Wait, what the hell?!” I questioned, seeing something shocking on the video. It looked like Norman’s hand fell off and he put it right back on. Dipper rewinded the video, and what I had seen appeared again. His hand had fallen off, clear as day. The armchair flipped backwards, as we both sat up suddenly. “You were right, you were right!” We leapt off the chair, running for the door.
“Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Stan!” We ran around the side of the house. Stan was with a tour group, showing them another one of his fake attractions.
“And here we have ‘Rock that Looks like a Face’ rock. The rock that looks like a face,” he was telling the group.
“Does it look like a rock?” someone asked.
“No, it looks like a face.”
“Is it a face?”
“It’s a rock that looks like a face!”
“Over here! Grunkle Stan!” Dipper called, but I knew that nothing was going to get Stan’s attention. I happened to look over and see Wendy pulling in the golf cart.
“Wendy!” I called, running towards her. Dipper followed me. We reached her within seconds.
“We need to borrow the golf cart so I can save my sister from a zombie!” Dipper spilled out. There was a pause. She smiled at us and dropped the keys in Dipper’s hand.
“Try not to hit any pedestrians,” she told us, then walking away. We hopped into the cart, Dipper taking the driver’s seat.
“Hey, wait, dudes, it’s me, Soos,” our friend said, stopping us. “This is for the zombies.” He placed a shovel in my hand.
“Thanks.”
“And this is in case you see a piñata.” He gave me a baseball bat.
“Uh….thanks?”
“Better safe than sorry.”
“Let’s go,” I told Dipper. He moved the key and hit the gas.
There were at least three times I thought Dipper was going to kill us. The boy can’t drive to save any of our lives, which was probably going to kill us later.
“Help!” we heard Mabel’s scream.
“Turn here!” I told him, holding onto the cart’s roof support to make sure I didn’t fall out. We sped down a hill, which almost sent me tumbling. We skidded to a stop when we saw Mabel’s outline, surrounded by….gnomes?
“The more you struggle, the more awkward this is going to be for everyone!” the lead gnome told her. “Just get her arm there, Steve.”
“Let go of me!” Mabel yelled, fighting off the gnomes. One flew over to a tree and started puking rainbows. Joy. I instantly had the baseball bat in my hand, Dipper getting the shovel.
“What the hell is going on here?!” I shouted, getting their attention. One of the gnomes hissed at me, so I pointed the bat at it.
“Sarah! Dipper! Norman turned out to be a bunch of gnomes!” Mabel explained, still fighting them off. “And they’re total jerks!”
“Gnomes? Wow, we were way off,” Dipper commented, flipping quickly to the gnome page of the book. “Gnomes, little men of the Gravity Falls forest. Weakness unknown.” The gnomes had tied Mabel down by now. “Hey! Let go of my sister!” One of the little creatures turned around to face us.
“Oh, hi, um, this is really all just a big misunderstanding, you see?” he started to try to reason. “Your sister’s not in danger, she’s just marrying all one thousand of us and becoming our queen for all eternity. Isn’t that right, honey?”
“You guys are butt-faces!” Mabel’s insult was muffled, as her mouth was covered. Dipper and I had our weapons ready.
“Give her back right now, or else!”
“You think you children can stop us? You have no idea what us gnomes are capable of. We are a powerful race!” Dipper took the shovel, scooped up the gnome and tossed him to the side. I freed Mabel, knowing out the strings that held her and the gnomes around her. “They’re getting away with our queen!” We rushed back to the golf cart. I positioned myself on the top of the seat, as the other two buckled themselves in. I took the shovel from Dipper.
“Go, go, go!” I told him. He hit the gas. I was ready to fight.
“Hurry, they might follow us!” Mabel urged.
“I wouldn’t count on it. I mean, did you see their tiny little legs-” Dip was cut off by a sudden thudding of the ground. He stopped the golf cart, both of them turning to face what I was seeing. The gnomes had assembled to create one enormous gnome warrior monster that was as tall as the pine trees. It roared at us.
“Hit it!” I yelled out. Dipper slammed on the gas pedal, just as the gnome fist came down and missed us. The monster started running after us. “Go, go!” Four gnomes flew from the monster’s fingers, landing on the top of the cart. I started fighting them off with the shovel, even as they hissed at me. I missed one, which Dipper slammed into the horn three times.
“Shmebulock,” it said wearily, as Dipper tossed it into the treeline. Another flew right onto his face, which Mabel punched until it let go, taking Dipper’s ball cap with it. I slammed another round with the shovel. The monster uprooted a tree and threw it.
“Look out!” Mabel and I shouted, as the tree fell in front of us. There was just enough room for the golf cart to slide under it. The Shack was in sight. The cart skidded, then flipped onto its side. We climbed out from it, backing up to the wall of the Shack. A shovel wouldn’t be much help, as of now. Same with the baseball bat. I stood in front of my cousins, not really sure what I could actually do.
“It’s the end of the line, kids,” the lead gnome warned us. “Mabel, marry us before we do something really crazy!”
“There has to be a way out of this,” Dipper whispered.
“I gotta do it,” Mabel replied, stepping forward.
“No,” I told her. “Are you crazy?”
“Trust me. Just this once, both of you, trust me.” Dipper and I hesitantly backed away after a few seconds. “Alright, Jeff, I’ll marry you.”
“Hot dog!” the gnome celebrated, then climbing to the ground from the top of the gnome monster. He approached Mabel, holding out a ring box with some sort of crystal ring. It wasn’t diamond, but it was some type of crystal. He put the ring on Mabel’s finger. I watched closely, wondering what she was planning. “Now, let’s get you back into the forest, honey!”
“You may now kiss the bride,” Mabel answered. Everything suddenly clicked. Kissing practice.
“Don’t mind if I do.” The gnome leaned forward, and Mabel grabbed the leaf blower from behind her, pointing it at Jeff. “Hey, wait a minute!” Mabel sucked him into the leaf blower.
“That’s for lying to me!” she yelled. She further reversed it, sucking him deeper in. “That’s for breaking my heart! And this is for messing with my family! Care to do the honors?” Dipper pushed the lever forward, shooting Jeff right into the gnome monster and destroying it. They all scattered and ran back into the woods.
“YES!” I screamed out, jumping in my place. “That was FANTASTIC!” We laughed, also now covered in leaves, and started walking back to the door.
“Hey, Dipper,” Mabel said. “I’m sorry for ignoring the advice about Norman. You both were really just looking out for me.”
“Oh come on,” he replied. “Don’t be like that. You saved our butts back there.”
“I guess I’m just sad that my first boyfriend turned out to be a bunch of little gnomes.”
“Look on the bright side, maybe the next one will be a vampire. Awkward sibling hug?”
“Awkward sibling hug.” They hugged, and then both said “pat pat” as they patted each other’s backs.
“Don’t forget me!” I interrupted, hugging both of them. I was glad that I could make them laugh. It made me good for something.
The entry bell rang, as we walked into the gift shop. There were leaves in my hair, which was uncomfortable.
“Yeesh!” Stan greeted. “You kids get hit by a bus or something? Ha ha.” We started walking by, unamused and tired. “Uh, hey, wait!” Stan called us back. “Wouldn’t you know it? I, uh, accidentally overstocked some inventory, so how about each of you take one thing from the gift shop on the house?” I smiled a little, happy that Stan did have a heart.
“What’s the catch?” Dipper asked.
“The catch is do it before I change my mind. Now take something.” Dipper took a blue and white ball cap that had a blue pine tree on it. Cute.
“I will have a….” Mabel said. “Grappling hook!”
“Wouldn’t you rather have a doll or something?” Stan asked. She shot it up at the ceiling, pulling herself up.
“Grappling hook!”
“Fair enough. What about you, Sarah?” Stan asked, finally noticing me leaning on the counter.
“You know exactly what I want.”
“I told you no already.”
“You said any one item in the gift shop. The necklace is in the gift shop. Come on. You can’t back out now.” Stan sighed and finally gave in, pulling out the box. I eagerly opened it. It was a rather simple necklace, but it was the charm on the end of it that I was really after. It was a mini replica of the Mystery Shack. I had been trying to get it from Stan for months.
“Thank you,” I told him with a big smile.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
Night fell and we all turned in to the attic. Mabel was jumping on her bed, playing with the grappling hook to bring her stuffed animals to her. Dipper was writing in my dad’s journal, probably about our little adventure and stuff. I felt that maybe I’d really have fun this summer, having them around.
“Hey, Mabel, can you get the light?” Dipper asked. Mabel used the grappling hook to take out not only the light, but also the window. I lied facing the wall, away from them. There was so much I wanted to show them and tell them about Gravity Falls. About me. I had a secret. A secret that I had been keeping all my life, and the only other person who knew was Stan. But he would never tell them. Or let me tell them. I wanted to, though. I wanted to tell them my secret, but what was really stopping me was the fear of if they’d be able to keep it.