Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

How they ended up in this predicament is beyond both of them on the surface level; and neither dare try to dive deeper because Karkat’s curious hands pimped with perfect sets of claws, at least perfectly sharp enough enough for Dirk, scratch lightly down Dirk’s chest and down over his torso to his hip bones. He wants to know how far this masochistic thing goes, what the difference between good and bad pain is. The action causes the touch-starved human to arch his back into it just the slightest before regretting it, not because of any pain, because he shouldn’t show how much he’s loving it. He reprimands himself by stiffening up instead.

Earlier:

“You’re kiddin’, right?”

“I don’t know Rox’, I guess I just don’t see it. Sure, we’re both blond and stuff, but nobody would mix us up.”

“John, tell this man he’s wrong.”

“Uh, well, “ John looked Dirk over in the most heterosexual way physically and spiritually possible to consider the facts, “yeah, I can see it. Hold up!”

The blue boy rushed out the room in a gust of wind to retrieve a comb to hand to Dirk.

“Put your hair down and change the shades, “ he told Dirk.

“I’m not sure this will work and what the point is even if it does, but for the record, a comb ain’t gonna do anything to my hair.”

“Yeah, Dirky has an entire shelf of hairspray in there, probably gel too. Let me handle this, “ Roxy offered.

“Guys, no offence, but what the hell?”

“Come on, Dirky! It will be fun!”

“—Yeah, it’s just a harmless prank, imagine the look on Dave’s face when he sees you!”

“Didn’t he see tons of dead Daves anyway, “ you question even though you know you’re correct.

“Just, come on, loosen up a bit. You’ve been nothing but working since we got to Earth C, chill out and have some fun, “ Roxy insisted and smooshed Dirk’s cheeks only for him to recoil because he doesn’t really do physical contact. Even when he was in a relationship with Jake. Prior to that he had nothing but robots he made and seagulls who, let’s just say, aren’t very good for physical affection.

“Sure.”

It took only about two hours for them to dress Dirk up to look like Dave and the results were shocking. John picked out some clothing from Dirk’s closet that Dave would wear, he washed his own hair before allowing Roxy and Roxy only to style it (after lots of John’s incredibly loud laughter at how it looks when it’s down and Roxy’s snickering). The shades were the easiest, John had the code for them since he gave them to the younger(?) Strider in the first place. The height was a give or take but not all too noticeable.

“...So… what now?”

“You go to Dave’s to show off, “ Roxy insisted, grabbing his hand delicately, to which he didn’t flinch away, and leading him out the door, John following closely. They all flew because they’re literal Gods.

They practically pushed him through the front door that Karkat and Dave just gave up on locking anymore because of Jade and watched using Roxy’s invisibility. Where exactly they are watching from is a mystery lost to time. Dirk felt rather odd and the bangs were annoying and his neck was being tickled at every motion of his head, which is a major problem considering how sensitive the area is, and the lenses he sees through were familiar but a bit off, the clothes too baggy, the sleeves in the way, an—

Karkat walked through a door to the living room to see Dirk just standing there.

“Hey Dave, “ he mumbled out, “did you just come back? I didn’t even see you leave, are you doing Time shenanigans?”

Dirk froze up. What’s he supposed to say?

‘Hey, yes, I am Dave, I am real Dave’ like that one cow with a skateboard? Excuse me, that one ‘real man’ with a skateboard? He stays silent and just follows him to the couch, shrugging his shoulders. Karkat continues talking, surprisingly.

“Yeah, didn’t think so. Jade stopped by earlier, said she’ll be out tonight with the gals, whoever that royal asswipe trainwreck of a group contains. It’s probably not even anyone we know, she can’t stay in one friend group, you know her.”

…

“You know, we should probably get some more oil, I’m not letting Jade try to be resourceful and use water, those pancakes were a shitsponge on the bottom of the fucking sea, enter your horrible jokes about sexual prefferences and directions here, hahah, past Karkat said bottom, wow, cull me.”

Holy shit, and Dave’s supposed to be the one who rambles too much? Dirk thinks this is probably the longest he’s been in a room with this guy and he can see why, but it isn’t that he’s unattractive or doesn’t have a point, or doesn’t have a nice raspy, growly voice, and jegus christ, Dirk, this is Karkat. Dave’s Karkat. That immediately shuts down any flirtations with effective ease and Karkat has gone quiet as he attempts to pick out a cheesy movie.

“You know what? Fuck this fucking shit! I’ll just go do anything but watch a romcom because apparently, there are absolutely zero new ones I haven’t watched a zillion times!”

He theatrically throws his hands in the air then shoves the remote in your hand and stands. He pauses. Then he leans down to kiss your lips and you, for some godless reason, do not stop him. You don’t think you had enough reaction time to do so to be fair and he is away before you know it… but that… the way he kissed you will give you nightmares. Not because of the sharp teeth or any roughness, but because of how tender, how full of love and silent, calm passion it is, but it is also only a peck or a bit more than that.

“Join me up there later, okay?”

Dirk’s eyebrows are up above Dave’s shades, body completely frozen until he forces a nod and Karkat walks away calmly. This is… normal to them?! Yet they’re not official?

OH SHIT, DAVE IS GONNA MURDER HIM.

Well, not really, but Dirk wishes he would, he could just offer his head to him on a silver platter at this point. Roxy and John appear with the latter chuckling and prior as mortified as Dirk.

“John, this is no laughing matter, “ Dirk whispers so Karkat wouldn’t hear.

“Hmm? What?”

“Karkat kissed him… thinking he way Dave, “Roxy points out, nudging him with their elbow.

“Oh, ohhh!”

“Shit, “ is all Dirk can say because the words in his head are definitely too jumbled up.

Chapter Text

So. If Dirk explains this in a certain, careful way, he might just be able to convince Dave to cull him and get a Just sentence. No, of course not, the chances are highly unlikely and there are two people in front of him right now requiring attention. John and Roxy have been debating whether or not someone should tell Karkat, tell Dave, and just how dubious their morals are. John is defending the situation as a harmless prank, a joke, something not meant to be taken seriously, and Roxy is saying that that might have been the intention but that it went farther than expected and the fact that Dirk will most likely be forgiven and Karkat as well since he had no clue. In the end, they just end up confirming the same thing, that Dave won’t be very mad, but continue making it sound like they’re on opposing sides. But Dirk seems to be the only person who is considering how much Karkat will be pissed at this, not to mention how much Jade would love to hear about this and use it to her advantage in trying to form their poly relationship, and how Hal isn’t here to calculate percentages and film footage of it because these are the wrong shades, and how Karkat could walk in at any moment and, just how much he actually wants that terrifyingly gentle lips on his again, preferably for a longer period of time. Dirk is considering so many things at once, his brain not being stimulated properly by just one or two. But of course, it keeps coming back to Karkat and how screwed Dirk is and how screwed he wants to be. Jegus. Dave. Karkat. Dave’s boyfriend. Jade. Jade’s boyfriend. He cannot do this, he knows how much it fucking hurts from watching Jane and Jake, even though him and Jake broke it off way before those two became a real thing. Up until the sudden wedding and baby announcement it seemed like Jake was still somehow his. Fuck! Two people. In front of him. Requiring attention. Focus!

Dirk raised a hand to stop the playful bickering that turned to a double entendre somehow and spoke up.

“Don’t worry about it, I will take care of it. You two had no part in this, it was my idea, I asked for your help and you didn’t know jack shit.”

“Dirky! You can't just take all the blame yourself!”

John looked like he agreed with them but just backed off to let you two talk it out.

“I will tell it like it is and offer a blade, that’s all. “

John then realised what that meant and his brows raised high.

“Diiiiirky”

“Roxy.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. But I need to first talk to Karkat, clear this up with him. Go.”

“Go? Like as in leave you here, “ John questioned with a childlike expression he hasn’t lost even in adulthood. Manchild. Attractive manchild. If only his eyes were green. Damn, Dirk, stop being horny on main.

“Yeah dude. The less people the better, it isn’t all that serious, just private.”

They looked at each other and Roxy got the hint and started dragging John away, who protested but gave in to their surprising strength at the door frame.

Dirk. Dirk, what the hell are you doing?

He goes after Karkat, up to the Davekat bedroom, and sees him sitting on top of the covers, leaning against the wall, reading a book against his raised knees. He pays Dirk no attention even as the white-blonde sits besides him and nudges closer.

“Let me just finish this page, okay?”

Something cynical gave him the idea of pulling Karkat and sitting behind him, letting him finish the entire chapter and not page while kissing his neck and seeing just how long he can stay concentrated but the fact that Dave loves him cancels it before a simple finger twitches to go through with the command. He sighs through his nose.

“Just be patient for me won’t you, “ Karkat asks, assuming the sigh was from impatience rather than rising tension Dirk should decline. The latter finally opens his mouth to tell Karkat what happened but shuts it when the book is put away to the side and the silver skin draws closer to his own in the dim light of the room after Karkat turns his reading lamp off. The hand is pressed to Dirk’s cheek and he doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t do things so ungodly,  but where words were supposed to be only a hitch of breath remains. Karkat takes note of it, somewhat calloused thumb rubbing against Dirk’s cheekbone and his need for affection he rarely ever gets keeps him silent until that same silver hand goes to remove the shades.

“Wait—” he practically shouts, grabbing the wrist in instinct, body recoiling.

“Dave, what—” he then considers the single word and Dirk can see his face slowly, painfully slowly change through several emotions until he much more hastily rips the glasses off with his other hand. Two guilty, amber-gold eyes stare back at him.

“Karkat, “ he starts in a cautious, flat tone, “I’m sorry bu—”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Now Dirk flinches when Karkat shouts and yanks his arm free of Dirk with ease and stands from the bed. Shit. Karkat takes two hands and buries them in his hair and paces the room, only to turn and shove the shades onto Dirk’s chest and inhale deeply to start rambling when the door opens.

Dave.

Dave!

Dirk had mastered the stoic facial features since childhood, but whatever is usually hidden behind shades is as expressive as a deer caught in the headlights right now.

Dave floats passively in the doorway, looking over the two and trying to figure out: “What the absolute fuck is going on here?”

“Dave, listen, I didn’t know, you two look exactly the fucking same!”

“Nothing happened, nothing noteworthy at least.”

“It was just a kiss, “ Karkat blurts out, “it wasn’t anything serious, just a peck, and I thought he was you. And YOU, “ he turns to Dirk, “YOU SLIMY PRICK!”

“I just heard Karkat yelling in the bedroom and assumed Jade came back early and tried to push boundaries so I came to defuse it but this was definitely not what I was expecting. Dirk?”

He’s looking for an explanation, that much is clear.

“I… It was supposed to be a joke. I wasn’t looking to cuck ya’ll.”

“So you’re in our bed, dressed up as me, with Karkat, your shades off, just for a joke?”

Damn. When he puts it that way.

“It was the living room, I came here to explain.”

“And explain you did.”

…

“Dave, you’re not mad?”

Finally someone asks, someone being the troll.

“No, not really. I mean, you didn’t know, nothing major happened, Dirk wasn’t trying to hurt us, so seems chill to me.”

That was expected.

Dirk really just wants to vanish right now.

Chapter Text

So. If Dirk explains this in a certain, careful way, he might just be able to convince Dave to cull him and get a Just sentence. No, of course not, the chances are highly unlikely and there are two people in front of him right now requiring attention. John and Roxy have been debating whether or not someone should tell Karkat, tell Dave, and just how dubious their morals are. John is defending the situation as a harmless prank, a joke, something not meant to be taken seriously, and Roxy is saying that that might have been the intention but that it went farther than expected and the fact that Dirk will most likely be forgiven and Karkat as well since he had no clue. In the end, they just end up confirming the same thing, that Dave won’t be very mad, but continue making it sound like they’re on opposing sides. But Dirk seems to be the only person who is considering how much Karkat will be pissed at this, not to mention how much Jade would love to hear about this and use it to her advantage in trying to form their poly relationship, and how Hal isn’t here to calculate percentages and film footage of it because these are the wrong shades, and how Karkat could walk in at any moment and, just how much he actually wants that terrifyingly gentle lips on his again, preferably for a longer period of time. Dirk is considering so many things at once, his brain not being stimulated properly by just one or two. But of course, it keeps coming back to Karkat and how screwed Dirk is and how screwed he wants to be. Jegus. Dave. Karkat. Dave’s boyfriend. Jade. Jade’s boyfriend. He cannot do this, he knows how much it fucking hurts from watching Jane and Jake, even though him and Jake broke it off way before those two became a real thing. Up until the sudden wedding and baby announcement it seemed like Jake was still somehow his. Fuck! Two people. In front of him. Requiring attention. Focus!

Dirk raised a hand to stop the playful bickering that turned to a double entendre somehow and spoke up.

“Don’t worry about it, I will take care of it. You two had no part in this, it was my idea, I asked for your help and you didn’t know jack shit.”

“Dirky! You can't just take all the blame yourself!”

John looked like he agreed with them but just backed off to let you two talk it out.

“I will tell it like it is and offer a blade, that’s all. “

John then realised what that meant and his brows raised high.

“Diiiiirky”

“Roxy.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I. But I need to first talk to Karkat, clear this up with him. Go.”

“Go? Like as in leave you here, “ John questioned with a childlike expression he hasn’t lost even in adulthood. Manchild. Attractive manchild. If only his eyes were green. Damn, Dirk, stop being horny on main.

“Yeah dude. The less people the better, it isn’t all that serious, just private.”

They looked at each other and Roxy got the hint and started dragging John away, who protested but gave in to their surprising strength at the door frame.

Dirk. Dirk, what the hell are you doing?

He goes after Karkat, up to the Davekat bedroom, and sees him sitting on top of the covers, leaning against the wall, reading a book against his raised knees. He pays Dirk no attention even as the white-blonde sits besides him and nudges closer.

“Let me just finish this page, okay?”

Something cynical gave him the idea of pulling Karkat and sitting behind him, letting him finish the entire chapter and not page while kissing his neck and seeing just how long he can stay concentrated but the fact that Dave loves him cancels it before a simple finger twitches to go through with the command. He sighs through his nose.

“Just be patient for me won’t you, “ Karkat asks, assuming the sigh was from impatience rather than rising tension Dirk should decline. The latter finally opens his mouth to tell Karkat what happened but shuts it when the book is put away to the side and the silver skin draws closer to his own in the dim light of the room after Karkat turns his reading lamp off. The hand is pressed to Dirk’s cheek and he doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t do things so ungodly,  but where words were supposed to be only a hitch of breath remains. Karkat takes note of it, somewhat calloused thumb rubbing against Dirk’s cheekbone and his need for affection he rarely ever gets keeps him silent until that same silver hand goes to remove the shades.

“Wait—” he practically shouts, grabbing the wrist in instinct, body recoiling.

“Dave, what—” he then considers the single word and Dirk can see his face slowly, painfully slowly change through several emotions until he much more hastily rips the glasses off with his other hand. Two guilty, amber-gold eyes stare back at him.

“Karkat, “ he starts in a cautious, flat tone, “I’m sorry bu—”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Now Dirk flinches when Karkat shouts and yanks his arm free of Dirk with ease and stands from the bed. Shit. Karkat takes two hands and buries them in his hair and paces the room, only to turn and shove the shades onto Dirk’s chest and inhale deeply to start rambling when the door opens.

Dave.

Dave!

Dirk had mastered the stoic facial features since childhood, but whatever is usually hidden behind shades is as expressive as a deer caught in the headlights right now.

Dave floats passively in the doorway, looking over the two and trying to figure out: “What the absolute fuck is going on here?”

“Dave, listen, I didn’t know, you two look exactly the fucking same!”

“Nothing happened, nothing noteworthy at least.”

“It was just a kiss, “ Karkat blurts out, “it wasn’t anything serious, just a peck, and I thought he was you. And YOU, “ he turns to Dirk, “YOU SLIMY PRICK!”

“I just heard Karkat yelling in the bedroom and assumed Jade came back early and tried to push boundaries so I came to defuse it but this was definitely not what I was expecting. Dirk?”

He’s looking for an explanation, that much is clear.

“I… It was supposed to be a joke. I wasn’t looking to cuck ya’ll.”

“So you’re in our bed, dressed up as me, with Karkat, your shades off, just for a joke?”

Damn. When he puts it that way.

“It was the living room, I came here to explain.”

“And explain you did.”

…

“Dave, you’re not mad?”

Finally someone asks, someone being the troll.

“No, not really. I mean, you didn’t know, nothing major happened, Dirk wasn’t trying to hurt us, so seems chill to me.”

That was expected.

Dirk really just wants to vanish right now.

The room is heavy with an awkward energy as something goes by unsaid. Not betrayal, not jealousy, not just regret, but when Dirk looks at Karkat he can tell this scene is not over yet. Dirk whispers something to Dave only to have the younger Strider float back instinctively and gape at him.

“What, “ Karkat questions, “what is it?”

“Dude, I, uh, we… I don’t…”

Enter a command.