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Ellipsism (n.): a sadness that you’ll never know how history will turn out.
Peter liked to sit on roofs. The first time Tony had gotten an alert that Peter, in the suit, had been stationary at the edge of a roof for a while, he had tapped the nanotech on his chest and thrown himself out the window (it had already been open - he’s not completely insane) to go check on the kid. When he’d gotten there, he found Peter, mask off, lazily tracing the constellations with his hand, feet dangling off the roof. Tony honestly felt bad for disturbing him. At that moment, Peter had looked more at peace than Tony had ever seen him, and as soon as Tony had appeared, the kid decided he should probably get home.
“Hey kid, you know, if you want to watch the stars, there’s a lovely night sky up at the compound you sleep over at every other weekend.”
“Oh, Hey Mr. Stark! Yeah, I know. I was actually just leaving! Gotta get home by curfew so May doesn’t worry, you know. I’ll see you tomorrow!” And with that, he was off, swinging back to his apartment.
The next few times it happened, Tony had simply called Peter. The boy had picked up immediately, and had quietly answered his questions as to why he was sitting there, before hanging up with the same excuse as the last time. Tony wasn’t particularly worried - as he got to know the kid more, he knew that Peter really liked the night sky, and since the kid wasn’t up there every night and always picked up his phone, Tony wasn’t too worried about him throwing himself off the roof.
After Tony revived the dusted, and after Peter had been able to convince himself to put the suit back on, what had been a monthly thing became a nightly occurrence. Tony only called if Peter spent more than an hour, which he almost never did, and had told himself that he’d only actually show up if Peter was there for more than two hours which he had never done.
And then, there was The Bad Day.
The anniversary of the day everyone had been dusted.
Tony knew it was going to be a hard day, and he had begged Peter to stay home from school and patrol, (mostly for selfish reasons - he hadn’t wanted to let him out of a hug all day), but the kid had insisted. And Peter hadn't called him from the school bathroom crying, and had seemed fine when he stopped by the tower to drop off his bag.
And then Peter had sat on a roof.
Tony watched his dot on the map blink for an hour before calling him, wanting to make sure he was okay.
Peter picked up. “Hey, Tony.”
“Hey, Underoos. Everything alright?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Alright, kid. Call me if you need anything?”
“Of course, Tony.”
“Okay. See you later.”
“Bye.”
And Peter hung up. Tony put his phone down and frowned at it. Peter had sounded… odd. When Peter sat on the roof, he always sounded a bit distant, but the Peter Tony had just spoken to sounded sad. Tony figured that was to be expected - 6 years ago today, the kid had died. And to him, it was a few months ago. He hadn’t lived the 5 years in between, and Tony knew that was hard to handle for him.
But Tony worried anyways.
“Tony, are you alright?” Pepper asked, walking into the room.
“Yeah, just…” Tony sighed. “I’m worried about Peter.”
“Why? Is he sitting on a roof again?”
Tony nodded. “I just spoke to him, but he still hasn’t moved. Normally he leaves right after I talk to him.”
Pepper walked up behind him and started to massage his shoulders. “I’m sure he’s fine, Tony.”
Tony sighed again. “I’ll go to him if he hasn’t moved in a little while.”
“Okay. I’m going to go to bed. I hope he’s alright.”
Tony nodded. “Okay, good night, Pep. See you tomorrow.”
Pepper leaned over and kissed his forehead, before leaving the room, and Tony resumed his watch over Peter’s stationary blinking red dot and vitals. He waited and watched for almost an entire other hour, before finally grabbing the nanotech he kept by the desk and pulling it over his body and taking off through the open window into the late-night city air.
He flew to the roof Peter was seated on, and, as quietly as he could, lowered himself behind where Peter was laying, tracing the stars, just like he was the first time Tony had visited his nighttime rest stop.
Tony stepped out of his suit and went to lay down beside him.
“Hey, Tony.” Peter didn’t look away from his hand still tracing constellations.
“Hey, Pete. What’s up?”
“The sky.” Peter glanced away from the sky itself to smile at Tony.
Tony was sure it didn’t meet his eyes.
“No, kid, you know what I meant.”
“I do.” Peter looked back up at the sky, bringing his hand down to his side. “I’m just… thinking.”
“Thinking about what?”
“Do you ever get sad you won’t get to know what the future is like?”
“You’ve still got a long, long stretch of future in front of you.”
“You don’t know that, Tony.”
“Yes, I do, because I’m going to protect you.”
“You can’t always be there, Tony! I already have died. I missed 5 years! And sure, I came back, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t die!”
“That’s different, Pete. That was a universe-level threat, and -”
“And so what if it’s different! So what if I would have died even if I hadn’t been Spider-Man? I still died. And because I’m Spider-Man, I’m face-to-face with death every day. I catch murderers sneaking out of buildings and alleyways where the victim was killed in their sleep. I see fires, I see car crashes - there are so many ways you can die, Tony! And I’m a superhero, which means I’m literally rushing into a battle every week. Tony, I get stabbed at least once a week! If the guy I’m fighting aims just a little better, the knife could be right through my heart.”
And Tony knows. He’s thought about it himself too many times when he stays up a bit too late, or when Peter spends a bit too long in one spot after a fight. He knows Peter probably won’t live to see old age, and it kills him. It’s completely unfair that the kid, this amazing, wonderful kid, won’t get to see the future.
“Hey, Peter?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
He’s sorry for so many things. He’s sorry for not protecting him then, he’s sorry for when he can’t protect him in the future. He’s sorry that this is Peter’s reality, and he’s sorry that they can’t just stay there, on that roof, looking at the stars for the rest of time.
He’s sorry that it will end.