Work Text:
Eddie’s first shift back goes by smoothly, with only a few minor calls.
Being back at work helps. Eddie finds himself surrounded by his chosen family and it establishes a routine that helps ease him back into something resembling normalcy. Even with Bobby being onto him. He seems to know him better than Eddie might’ve thought. When the team is scattered around the firehouse by the end of the shift, Bobby corners him in the kitchen, coffee in hand.
“Eddie, can we talk before you go?”
“Sure, Cap. All good?”
“Yes, you?”
“Good, yes. Or getting there, I guess.” There’s no reason to hide from him. Eddie feels as transparent as glacial water with Bobby looking at him.
“That’s good, I’m glad, and just so we’re clear, I’m not going to make you grovel, okay? You know what you did wasn’t okay, you went against a direct order and made a call that risked your life. But I think you’ve tortured yourself enough and Frank will most definitely take care of the rest. So, I just want you to know one thing; we’re all rooting for you, we’re all here to help you, hold your hand and carry you when you can’t carry yourself.”
“Cap… I can’t put that on you or the team.”
“You’re not putting anything on us. You’re family. And this is what family does. There’s no question about it.”
“But it’s not fair.”
“Listen, we’ve had enough drama to last us a decade. You know there’s actually a running joke in the department. When something major happens, the Chief asks ‘was it the 118 again?’ They’ve calculated we’re responsible for eighty-three percent of the LAFD drama. But all jokes aside, yes, it’s not fair. Life isn’t fair. And yet, we just keep living.” Bobby pats him in the back as he walks away. He doesn’t leave any space for a rebuttal.
After his first group of consecutive shifts back at work, Chris is spending the night with Isabel and Eddie gets to spend the night home alone. He takes advantage of a lazy night off. He throws himself on the couch and turns on the TV on mute while he checks his social media with a beer in hand. He’s distracted, scrolling absentmindedly through Instagram when he catches a glimpse of the news. He unmutes it when he sees Hayden’s mom appear on his screen. Eddie blinks and then blinks again. There, big and bright and colorful, a recording of that night starts playing. A journalist is reporting the night’s events, but he notices in the background a clearly distressed Buck screaming and clawing at the dirt with Bobby in tow, trying to pull him back.
Eddie panics and turns the TV off. He's sitting in the dark, feeling completely drained, but the screams of terror that escaped Buck that night are now replaying constantly in his mind.
He needs to talk to Buck about this. They need to have a talk about this.
About what it means.
Eddie storms out of his house and starts his car.
Even if his first intention is to talk to Buck, Eddie finds himself at Bobby’s door.
He knows he’s barging in. He wasn’t invited. Bobby doesn’t even know he’s coming. He opts to send Bobby a text message letting him know his outside his house. eHe gets no answer, but the door opens wide revealing Bobby and Athena standing side by side with confused faces.
“Hey,” Eddie sighs and rubs his face with his hands.
“Eddie, is everything okay? Is Chris okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I just-” Eddie interrupts himself when Bobby gestures for him to go inside.
“Come on in, I’ll just leave you two to it,” Athena says.
Eddie nods and tries to smile. They walk through the house until Bobby opens the door to the backyard and takes a seat at the table outside while Eddie paces around it.
“Do you-” Bobby starts, but Eddie talks over him.
“You didn’t tell me.”
“What?”
“About Buck.”
“I’m not sure I follow, Eddie.”
“I mean you didn’t tell me about Buck and how he- how he reacted when I was trapped under.”
“I didn’t think it was my place.”
“I know,” Eddie nods and takes a seat. “I know.”
“Buck cares about you. A lot. He really cares and he had a visceral reaction to- well, you know- losing you.”
“Yes, because I cut the line and he must’ve lost the weight, I can only imagine how he-” Eddie looks at the floor. He tries to think what would have been his reaction if he was the one losing the weight while Buck cut the line.
“He reacted how he reacted, there’s no denying that.”
“No, I mean, I saw it on TV.” It’s ingrained in his mind now. There will be no more avoiding it.
“You what?”
“Saw it, on TV.”
“Oh, okay. He hasn’t seen it, I think, but I’ve already talked to him about it. Have you?”
“No, I wanted to, it was the original plan when I stormed out of my house in a panic, but I ended up here instead.”
Bobby shakes his head and laughs. “You two, really.”
“The thing is that after, you know, after what happened?” Eddie feels his cheeks go from pink to read in an instant, “Buck’s been there. For me. And for Chris.”
“Yes.”
“He’s been there. Consistently.”
“Okay?” The puzzled look on Bobby’s face is baffling. Eddie’s always thought Bobby’s known all along there was something going on between Buck and him.
“Just give me a minute, okay?” Eddie groans, “This is so embarrassing.”
And Bobby is so patient. He smiles and he waits in silence for him to just get the fucking words out.
“He’s been there since the moment I met him, I think. Since the earthquake and I don’t know how, but somewhere along the line, I think we might have become something more. More than friends. More than best friends. And, I’m just confused and I’m scared and maybe a little bit of a coward.”
“Have you two discussed this?” Bobby asks.
“No. I couldn’t. I tried. I just couldn’t. I think he tried too, but-”
“I once told Buck that to be a good partner he needed to step inside the bubble, with all the baggage and the history, and not to try and take his partner out of it. It was when Abby- it doesn’t matter. The point is that he’s learned from that experience all those years ago and he’s changed his way of dealing with intimacy and closeness. But you know what? You should talk to him about it,” Bobby suggests.
“What if he doesn’t- fuck, this is lame.” Eddie shakes his head and plants his forehead on the table. “What if he doesn’t reciprocate?” He feels like a teenager having a crush on his best friend, even though he knows this is so much more than that. So much more than a crush.
“You should give him the chance to tell you himself how he feels,” Bobby suggests.
“I know. I know. I’m too much of a coward to risk it.”
“It’s okay to be scared, but you should trust yourself. And him. But mostly, you should trust what you two have, Eddie.”
Days and weeks keep piling on and on and Eddie tells himself that he is taking the time to muster up the courage to talk to Buck. He really is trying to find the right time and the right place. But life just won’t give Eddie a break.
First, Red comes into Buck’s life and he’s turned into a bleak, somber, doubtful version of himself. Eddie tries to be there for him, but he’s too much of a coward to offer what Buck now needs. He thought he was ready, but when confronted with the reality of it, he’d backed off and walked away silently.
Soon after, Abby reappears like a hurricane with a force that leaves Eddie spinning out, and Buck, transformed.
The universe must really hate him. Eddie believes timing might be his worst enemy.
Only now Chris is going away for two weeks and he’ll have the house to himself and Buck to himself and-
No. To have Buck he needs to talk to him first.