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Zhao Yunlan had been living in ancient Haixing for a little over a month now, and he had to admit he had gotten used to his new lifestyle. Sure, he had been unceremoniously dumped in the middle of nowhere, 10 000 years into the past with nothing but his gun and the clothes on his back but, from that moment on, it had been smooth sailing since everyone seemed to look up to him. Surprisingly, ancient people were fairly relaxed, which really suited Zhao Yunlan’s general attitude.
Since assuming the role of the great war general Kunlun, Zhao Yunlan had enjoyed his notoriety, and his new soldiers were all too happy to follow him around as soon as he so much as moved his little finger. Truly, Kunlun’s legendary war merits and fame preceded him, and Zhao Yunlan was grateful that the persona he had assumed wasn’t a madman or anything. Zhao Yunlan had no idea how long he was going to be staying in this timeline, but he intended to take advantage of it for as long as possible—it’s not like it was just any day that someone was allowed to travel back in time!
What was more, Zhao Yunlan wasn’t alone in this strange world: he had been reunited with Da Qing almost as soon as he had arrived, and then, of course, there had been Shen Wei—Shen Wei who had been so fearsome on the battlefield yet fiercely beautiful with his flowing ebony hair and soul-piercing, clear eyes. Zhao Yunlan certainly hadn’t expected to find Shen Wei in this timeline, so when he had seen him, sword in hand, protecting his men, Zhao Yunlan had been truly stunned at the sight. Despite his very different appearance, Zhao Yunlan had immediately recognized the brave youth as being the one and only ‘Shen Wei’ from his own timeline. How he had ended up here too, though, was a mystery. Was Shen Wei really ten thousand years old? How was that even possible? Zhao Yunlan’s mind reeled at the thought.
The Shen Wei that Zhao Yunlan knew was vastly different with his three-piece suits, neat short hair, and wire-rimmed glasses, but Zhao Yunlan could see parts of the older, more mature Shen Wei in the long-haired youth who graced his days with his presence. Still, somewhere out there in the void, Zhao Yunlan’s Shen Wei was waiting for his return home, but this past Shen Wei was so incredibly alluring and mysterious to him that he couldn’t help but want to get to know the beautiful, fearless soldier. This was, after all, how everything had begun for Shen Wei, and Zhao Yunlan was dying to find out who exactly the man truly was. Shen Wei had always been a mystery to him, but he knew that there was a reason for his deep-seated devotion and admiration, and Zhao Yunlan guessed that it had everything to do with the young soldier by his side and his interactions with ‘Kunlun.’
Since his impromptu arrival in ancient Haixing, Zhao Yunlan had had the pleasure of Shen Wei’s company every day, and the two got along as easily as old school friends—which wasn’t really that far off from the truth, thought Zhao Yunlan. Shen Wei had taken to following ‘Kunlun’ around the military compound, making sure that he was always comfortable and that he had everything he needed. Zhao Yunlan appreciated how gentle and happy Shen Wei always seemed to be, easily smiling at him whenever he addressed him. He could see how much Shen Wei was respected by his fellow soldiers who always bowed to him and sought his counsel.
However, despite their obvious camaraderie since day one, Zhao Yunlan found himself hoping for more. Lying on his bedroll, Zhao Yunlan wondered how he could approach Shen Wei outside of war affairs. So far, they had been travelling together through the land in search of enemy encampments, so all of their conversations had revolved around warfare. Zhao Yunlan had already slipped up on their first night by calling him by the name ‘Shen Wei,’ which the other had shockingly accepted without a word, easily discarding his previous appellation. Zhao Yunlan had stood fascinated in front of the other man who had stared back at him with all the innocence and admiration of a child, but he knew that this Shen Wei was enrapt by ‘Kunlun,’ the great general about whom he had heard countless stories while out in the mountains.
Zhao Yunlan knew that it wasn’t fair to use this persona to get close to Shen Wei, but how could he ignore the large doe eyes that followed his every move and drank in everything that he was? Luckily, Shen Wei had never met the actual Kunlun, or else Zhao Yunlan’s cover would have been blown immediately. Luckier still, the real, historical Kunlun had long since vanished from this world, so there were no hopes of ever bumping into him by accident while out in the mountains. The gods had cleared the path for Zhao Yunlan to walk unhindered.
“Lord Kunlun…?” Came a soft voice from behind Zhao Yunlan’s tent, causing his stomach to flipflop at the familiar sound.
Zhao Yunlan cleared his throat before answering “come in” in what he hoped was an indifferent tone.
Shen Wei parted the flap of the tent ever so slightly, and Zhao Yunlan saw a flash of black robes and a fair wrist in the dim light. “My Lord,” he started, speaking in his most reverential tone, “forgive my intrusion at such a late hour.”
“Not at all, Shen Wei,” replied Zhao Yunlan, forcing himself to tear his eyes from the shadow hovering within arm’s reach. “What is it?”
“According to our current position, we should reach mount Da Tian tomorrow by noon. Do you have any specific instructions for the troops?”
Zhao Yunlan remained silent for a long while, thinking of a suitable answer. He wasn’t exactly versed in the art of war, especially not the feudal kind, and he didn’t want to sully Kunlun’s reputation in front of the soldiers either—and especially not in front of Shen Wei.
“My Lord?” Prompted Shen Wei, as immobile as a statue behind the light fabric of the tent.
Thinking of the video games he’d played in his apartment for countless hours, Zhao Yunlan finally replied. “We should split into two groups: one will stay at the base of the mountain while the other moves to the top. The group at the top will force the enemy down the mountain and straight into the second group’s waiting arms.”
“Very well, my Lord. I will divide the men according to your wishes. Would you like to decide who goes in which group, or should I?”
“No, you can do it. You’re more than capable.”
“Very well—”
“—wait,” interrupted Zhao Yunlan, changing his mind midway. “Actually, I would like for you to lead the group up the mountain alongside myself, and put Da Qing in charge of the second group. As for the other men, you can divide them as you see fit.”
Shen Wei inhaled sharply, his grip visibly tightening on the panel of fabric that he was still holding slightly open. “My Lord, do you not trust me to lead the second group?” he asked, the hurt evident in his question.
‘What? No, gods no, of course I trust you... that’s not it at all. I’d simply rather have you by my side, if that’s alright.”
Shen Wei stayed silent for a beat in which Zhao Yunlan could all but hear his heart racing. “Yes, it is.” He replied meekly before dropping the curtain and walking away from the tent. For a long while, Zhao Yunlan couldn’t figure out why he had said that out of the blue. Sure, he wanted to spend more time with the little soldier, but maybe his impulsive words had been inappropriate. The professor Shen Wei would have bristled at the lack of impropriety, but this Shen Wei seemed too meek and mild to refuse the request.
Zhao Yunlan spent the rest of the night wide awake, wondering whether he had scared Shen Wei out of his wits, or struck a chord with the gentle youth. The Shen Wei that he knew was equally gentle and shy, and, even though he was difficult to read, this Shen Wei was even more so. Zhao Yunlan spent a good portion of the evening sorting through his feelings, between the Professor Shen Wei and the soldier Shen Wei. Yes, they were the same person, but somehow they felt different from one another. This Shen Wei—the long-haired, brave youth—had a certain gravitas about him that Zhao Yunlan found hard to resist. He wanted to sink his fingers into his thick mane of hair, to hold him tightly against his chest, to tell him a hundred time just how beautiful he thought he was. While the elegant professor regularly made Zhao Yunlan’s heart pound at his mere sight, the soldier awoke in him dark desires that he hadn’t felt in a long time, but the two disparaging images were jarring to Zhao Yunlan, and he didn’t know how to deal with them.
Tossing and turning all night, Zhao Yunlan gave up on trying to sleep, and on figuring out his feelings. There would be time enough for that later, or so he hoped. When dawn finally came and the sun set the sky awash with a golden hue, Shen Wei appeared at the edge of his tent again, this time pulling the curtain back completely and revealing his face in the soft morning light. Zhao Yunlan found it hard to focus on the other’s words as his mind and heart distracted him entirely.
“My Lord, if you are willing, the men are ready to set out,” he stated, moving his body slightly out of the way so that Zhao Yunlan could see from beyond the tent.
“I see, yes, alright” he replied groggily, stifling a yawn.
“Did you not rest well, my Lord?” Asked Shen Wei, eyebrows knitted together in concern. “If you wish, we could stay behind a little bit while you catch up on your rest, and then regroup later.”
“No need, Xiao Wei,” replied Zhao Yunlan offhandedly, but froze mid-dismissal when he saw Shen Wei’s face and realized what he had just said.
“P-pardon?”
“Ah? Xiao… erm, Shen Wei.” Clarified Zhao Yunlan, sensing that the youth wasn’t ready for this new nickname. The pet name has just popped out of his mouth involuntarily since Zhao Yunlan has spent the night distinguishing between the two Shen Weis in his mind: the youngest ‘Xiao’ and the oldest his full name.
Shen Wei blushed a pretty shade of pink behind his long black locks and sweeping eyelashes—gods, if only he knew just how much Zhao Yunlan wanted so badly to reach out and touch him—and, kneeling in front of ‘Kunlun,’ Shen Wei told him: “if it pleases you, my Lord, to call me… that, then, by all means.”
Zhao Yunlan all but melted right there on the spot. If it hadn’t been for his strong resolve to not traumatize Shen Wei within the first month, he would have said to hell with war and bedded him right then and there—did that mean that he had already fallen for the soldier? Zhao Yunlan had been intimate with an assortment of people, men and women alike, so he wasn’t bothered by his attraction to Shen Wei, but he wondered whether he only wanted to feel him beneath him, or if there was something more to it.
Spending all of his days and nights in Shen Wei’s company was definitely affecting him. However, Zhao Yunlan was conscious that whatever he said or did in this timeline could—and would—affect his future, and he didn’t want ‘his’ Shen Wei to change on account that he had messed up with his past self.
“S-shall we get going?” Proposed Zhao Yunlan, suddenly in a rush to leave the confines of his tent that felt overly small now that Shen Wei was in it with him. He still hadn’t consolidated the two Shen Weis in his mind, and this was all too confusing so early in the morning.
Shen Wei nodded slowly and put on his black mask, effectively hiding his beautiful face beneath a hard layer of galvanized metal, and pulling on his cowl to cover his long raven hair. Leading the way, the two regrouped with the other soldiers who were patiently waiting to depart. Shen Wei brought Zhao Yunlan’s war stallion to his side and, once he had successfully seated himself on his mount, Shen Wei quickly sprung up onto the back of his own steed, a young stallion the colour of his cloak and hair.
The pair, Shen Wei and his horse, stood out from the rest of them as the most regal thing Zhao Yunlan had ever witnessed and, when the company started moving forward, he couldn’t unglue his eyes from Shen Wei’s ramrod straight back in front of him. The horse’s gentle swaying rocked the man seated on it in ways that sent Zhao Yunlan out of his mind with complicated feelings and unexpressed wants. Forcing himself to swallow down his fire, Zhao Yunlan detached himself from behind Shen Wei and moved up to trot next to Da Qing, finding relief and comfort in a familiar face in amongst a crowd of strangers.
“Da Qing, can you tell me exactly who these ‘enemies’ are?” He asked, trying to make conversation and pushing Shen Wei out of his mind.
“Didn’t you listen to the briefing, Kunlun? How you ever became a war general is beyond me.” Jabbed Da Qing in his typical fashion, which warmed Zhao Yunlan’s heart.
Even though his cat was incredibly younger here than the version he knew, Zhao Yunlan couldn’t help but feel attached to this Da Qing just as much as the other one. The two were kindred spirits in the future, and now that Zhao Yunlan had travelled back in time, he could see why they had such a strong bond. Da Qing’s short crop of brown hair that Zhao Yunlan was used to had been replaced by long fluffy hair, all tied up in an assortment of beads and strings, making him look truly mountain-born, but Da Qing’s spirit and personality remained unchanged from what Zhao Yunlan knew.
“You could just ask the Lord Black Cloak, you know. I’m sure he’d love to tell you.”
“… what does that mean?”
Da Qing snorted. “Kunlun, I think you’re blind. But hey, not that I care either way.”
“Da Qing…” warned Zhao Yunlan with a scowl.
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. ‘Mind your own business, dead cat,’ right?” Replied Da Qing, waving a dismissive hand in the air. “Anyway, to answer your question, the people we’re after today are notorious in this place for robbing and killing travellers. The rebels have been gaining traction in these parts because they control the mountain.”
“So, you’re saying we’re dealing with mountain bandits, then. Nice. Good thing I’ve got my trusty hiking boots on.” Replied Zhao Yunlan, dislodging a foot from his stirrups and wiggling it in the air to show Da Qing. “See? I always come prepared” he added, laughing heartily.
Da Qing rolled his eyes and dropped a “god, you’re so dumb.” Shaking his head, he added: “you look like a mountain bandit yourself. Why do I even follow you?” before spurring his horse on and moving ahead in the company.
“Because you love me!” Called out Zhao Yunlan to his back, laughing wildly until his eyes fell upon Shen Wei’s steely ones. Nervously, he waved to Shen Wei, who pointedly ignored the gesture and set his horse into a gallop to move up in front of the whole train.
‘Dammit,’ thought Zhao Yunlan, ‘that wasn’t intentional… it was just a joke.’
The rest of the morning passed uneventfully, and Zhao Yunlan all but fell asleep sitting on his horse as it swayed back and forth beneath him at a steady pace. By the time they reached Da Tian Shan, Zhao Yunlan was itching to get off his horse to stretch his legs and rest. The sun was reaching its zenith and Zhao Yunlan was seriously sweating beneath his layers. He didn’t understand Kunlun’s taste for thick furs and long sleeves in the dead of summer, but he assumed that it was customary for mountain people to dress this way all year round. As soon as the company stopped moving, Zhao Yunlan dismounted his stallion and dropped into a low crouch by its legs, suffering from a dull throbbing in his hamstrings. Horseback riding was difficult at the best of times, but especially across uneven terrain such as this one.
Shen Wei approached him from behind, still firmly mounted on his horse, and Zhao Yunlan craned his neck to look at him from such a great height. Again, Zhao Yunlan was struck by how stately Shen Wei looked on his mount, his black robes fluttering around the horse’s flanks in the soft breeze, and, having pulled back his cowl, his long flowing hair dancing around his masked faced.
“Lord Kunlun,” he started, looking down on Zhao Yunlan’s crouched form. “We have arrived at the mountain. If you agree, I suggest we rest and reenergize for a while before we split up into our groups.”
“Yes, good idea, Shen Wei.” Replied Zhao Yunlan with a pained smile.
“Are you alright, my Lord?” questioned Shen Wei as he took notice of Zhao Yunlan’s wincing.
“I, uh, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a horse so… yeah.”
“… if my Lord wishes it, I can provide relief for the stiffness.”
Zhao Yunlan’s heart jumped in his ribcage. Obviously, Shen Wei hadn’t meant anything by his offer, but the double entendre was all too clear to Zhao Yunlan’s more seasoned mind. Ducking his head low to hide his embarrassment and cursing himself for letting his mind wander, Zhao Yunlan waved his hand in front of his face. “No need, no need, these old bones will sort themselves out.”
Despite Zhao Yunlan’s refusal, Shen Wei gracefully dismounted his horse—so unlike Zhao Yunlan himself—and, crouching next to him, placed a hand on his lower back and the other on his thigh, directing dark energy at the two locations to relieve the built-up tension in his muscles. The warm sensation enveloped Zhao Yunlan’s skin, and the feeling of Shen Wei’s hands on him very nearly gave him a heart attack as the traitorous organ hammered in his chest incessantly. This gesture stirred Zhao Yunlan’s memory as he remembered Professor Shen Wei, ten thousand years into the future, and how he had lain his hands on him to massage his injured arm after he had fought off robbers. Both pairs of hands felt exactly the same to Zhao Yunlan, which did nothing to calm his mind and heart, nor did it help him come to a conclusion about what he was feeling.
“Lord Kunlun is not old at all,” mumbled Shen Wei, emboldened by the mask covering half of his face. “I think you are just fine as you are.”
Zhao Yunlan swallowed the lump in his throat and stared at Shen Wei’s delicate profile. “God, you’re so… young” he declared for lack of a better word.
Shen Wei bristled at the comment, clearly insulted. “I am not.” He argued back, pouting slightly. “I don’t know exactly how old I am, but I have been roaming these lands for a very long time, and I have been to war a number of times, too. What is more, I—” he hesitated, “—I’ve already had my coming-of-age ceremony, which means I’m old enough.” He added, his ears turning a dark shade of red.
“That—what?” blinked Zhao Yunlan in confusion at this information. “That’s not… Xiao Wei, that’s not what I meant” he said, opting for the pet name in the spur of the moment. “I don’t mean young in age, I mean you’re green; inexperienced; innocent.” He said, but each new word only served to further insult the Lord Black Cloak and add to his confusion.
“My Lord, I—” he started, intending to rectify his image in Zhao Yunlan’s mind.
“Argh, never mind. Don’t listen to me” interrupted the other, eager to leave the conversation altogether. This was neither the place nor the time for such a discussion to happen… they were at war for crying out loud!
“Shen Wei, I feel much better now, thank you. We should get going so that we don’t get stuck on the mountain at nightfall.”
With that, Zhao Yunlan stood up from his crouch and turned his back on the youth, wanting to put distance between them before he lost all form of control. But to his dismay, when he looked back to offer his hand, he caught sight of deep sadness and pain embedded in Shen Wei’s eyes. Zhao Yunlan scolded himself for unintentionally hurting him with his brusque attitude. So far, Zhao Yunlan wasn’t faring very well in this new world, and he seemed to be creating more confusion for Shen Wei than clarity.
“Very well, Lord Kunlun” replied Shen Wei curtly, ignoring Zhao Yunlan’s hand and walking off in the opposite direction.
Zhao Yunlan watched him march away mournfully, regretting his inability to express himself clearly.
“What did you do this time?” questioned Da Qing as he sidled up next to Zhao Yunlan, watching Shen Wei’s retreating figure.
“I really am dumb” replied Zhao Yunlan more so to himself than to Da Qing.
“Well, I did tell you. Anyway, if you’re done with your pining, could we maybe get this campaign going? I’d like to be back at camp sooner than later, if you don’t mind.”
Zhao Yunlan gave his cat a dirty look and left him standing on his own with the horses to regroup with the other men. Zhao Yunlan was used to directing people to do things, but he wasn’t sure how Kunlun ordered his people, so he felt like defaulting to Shen Wei instead, but the person in question was currently ignoring his existence. Clearing his throat, Zhao Yunlan addressed the gathered troops in what he hoped was an experienced general’s commanding voice.
“Men, today we fight for the safety and well-being of our people. Today, we rid this mountain and its forests of shady and insidious characters who threaten the peaceful equilibrium we have established here in Haixing. Today, no one dies, and all will return to the encampment.”
The men erupted in cheers at Zhao Yunlan’s comforting words, rallying and calling out Kunlun’s name repeatedly. Even Shen Wei couldn’t help but smile softly from behind his mask as he stood a few paces behind the crowd. Truly, Zhao Yunlan had this whole ‘general’ business down to a T, and no one would be questioning his authority—or identity—anytime soon.
Splitting up into two groups according to his wishes, Zhao Yunlan set off for the peak of the mountain with Shen Wei by his side and a handful of men following closely behind. The trek up the mountain was long and hard, and Zhao Yunlan was sure he had never done this much exercise in his entire life, but he pushed onwards anyways, ignoring his sore legs and the dull throbbing in his heart. Walking next to him was the revered hei pao shi, leader of his people and ruler interim of Dixing, but Zhao Yunlan saw with his heart rather than his eyes and ached for the youthful man hidden beneath the layers of black.
Shen Wei, who had been steadily walking by Zhao Yunlan’s side, suddenly broke the heavy silence with pained words. “I disgusted you, Lord Kunlun. Forgive me.”
Zhao Yunlan swung his head round to stare in shock at the black-cloaked man beside him. “What?” he said in bewilderment. “What are you talking about?”
“I…” started Shen Wei in an impossibly small voice. “I shouldn’t have used my powers on you. I’m sorry you were uncomfortable.”
‘What the fuck’ thought Zhao Yunlan as he smacked himself mentally for yet another misunderstanding. “Shen Wei, no. That’s not it at all. Your powers don’t bother me in the slightest; they don’t—you don’t—‘disgust me,’ to borrow your words.”
Shen Wei looked up from the forest floor to search Zhao Yunlan’s expression. “Then, why…?”
Zhao Yunlan understood what Shen Wei meant. Why had he pulled away and turned his back on him? That was too difficult to explain right now, and besides, he wasn’t sure Shen Wei was ready to hear his explanation. Against his better judgement, Zhao Yunlan was starting to admit to himself that he wasn’t simply attracted to this Shen Wei because of his particular allure and beauty, but rather because he and the older Shen Wei were part and parcel. Zhao Yunlan’s heart dropped when his brain screamed at him the truth that he had been denying for so long: ‘you’re in love with him—all of him—Zhao Yunlan.’
Sighing, Zhao Yunlan replied to the best of his abilities, ignoring the pounding in his chest. “There’s nothing wrong with your powers, Shen Wei. It’s natural for your kind to have them, and I think they’re beautiful in their own way since they are an integral part of your being.”
“But, I don’t want to be like my brethren. I—I hate what I am” stated Shen Wei, his pretty features twisting in self-loathing. “I hate that I scared you with my true nature… that you don’t want me near you.”
Zhao Yunlan stopped dead in his tracks and, reaching out to grab Shen Wei by the shoulder, spun him around so he was facing him. “Listen to me. I’m not afraid of you. Never have, never will be. Don’t hate what you are—that’s an order.” He said firmly, trying to tell Shen Wei with his eyes that he had no reason to hate himself when Zhao Yunlan loved him so much, exactly as he was. “People from Haixing and Dixing can coexist. They can learn to live together, and we will be an example for them.” Then, remembering Professor Shen Wei's words, he added with a sad smile: "you're worth it, Shen Wei. Never doubt it."
Shen Wei nodded slowly, evidently shaken by Zhao Yunlan’s words and, smiling softly, he solemnly agreed. The two resumed their trek up the mountain with a much lighter heart than when they had first set out. Zhao Yunlan’s brain buzzed with this newest inner revelation, and he was entirely consumed with thoughts of Shen Wei, having well forgotten all about the mountain bandits he was supposed to hunt down.
“Shen Wei,” he started, cutting the thick silence after a long while. “I want you to know that you don’t have to do this—” he motioned vaguely around them. “You have ten thousand years ahead of you—no, maybe even more—to live and accomplish whatever your heart desires. In that time, you’ll encounter lots of woes, but lots of joys, too.”
Zhao Yunlan peered at his companion to gauge whether he was registering all this wisdom or not, and found Shen Wei religiously listening to each word. “You’ll experience all sorts of things, I promise you.” He concluded, shifting his gaze away from the other’s scrutiny.
“What sort of things?” questioned Shen Wei, eyes bright with curiosity.
“Well, life in general, really. You’ll learn, you’ll grow; you’ll make friends, lose friends; receive gains and suffer losses, and even fall in love, one day.”
“But… what if I say I already have all those things?” he asked in earnest, searching Zhao Yunlan’s expression with his clear eyes. “What if I say, I don’t need ten thousand extra years because I have everything that I need, that I would ever want, right here?”
Zhao Yunlan smiled sadly, fighting his instincts to tell Shen Wei exactly what the future held for him—for both of them. He wanted to convey that there was more to his life than fighting bandits in remote mountains, but he lacked the words to do so.
“I’d say”, he replied, barely above a whisper, “that you were right, but that fate has other things in store for you; bigger and better things.”
“Lord Kunlun,” interrupted one of the soldiers behind the pair just as Shen Wei prepared to protest Zhao Yunlan’s words. “One of the scouts just reported that there was movement up ahead. It seems we’ve come across an encampment. What do you want us to do?”
“Mm, I see. Let’s encircle them. You three, flank them from the western side, and you three from the east. Shen Wei and I will attack from the front. While we distract them, move in and strike.”
“Yes, my Lord.” Replied the soldier before returning to his comrades.
“My Lord—” started Shen Wei.
“—Kunlun.” Interrupted Zhao Yunlan. “Call me Kunlun. There’s no need for ‘lord this’ and ‘lord that’ between us, Xiao Wei.”
Shen Wei was taken aback for a few seconds before smiling shyly. “Very well, K-Kunlun.”
“That’s much better,” said Zhao Yunlan with a devastating smile on his lips that reached his eyes and made them crinkle with delight.
No amount of fabric on his head nor metal on his face could hide Shen Wei’s painfully obvious reaction to ‘Kunlun.’ Zhao Yunlan saw deep in his eyes an immeasurable amount of love and devotion, and he felt guilty for having been the cause of it. If it hadn’t been for their encounter, Shen Wei would have lived and died on the battlefield, probably never knowing the painful love and separation that was to come. However, as much as his heart ached for the youthful Shen Wei, part of Zhao Yunlan was glad that, because of this encounter, they would meet again and be together in the future, too.
“You were saying?” interrupted Zhao Yunlan, fully aware of the power he held over this younger Shen Wei.
“I… Yes… I mean, be careful out there, Kunlun” replied Shen Wei, visibly flustered by what had silently transpired between them.
Shen Wei floundered as his usually steady feet lost their purchase on the roots and rocks covering the ground. Zhao Yunlan let out a small gasp and easily caught the mass of flowing robes between his arms before he lost face completely and ended up flat on the ground—that would have been very unbecoming of the revered hei pao shi.
“Be careful, Xiao Wei, it’s slippery here” he breathed as Shen Wei’s cowl slipped off of his head, unleashing his dark flowing hair.
For Shen Wei, the world could have exploded at that very moment and he wouldn’t have even blinked. To be held by Kunlun was everything he had ever dared to hope for, and he wished that he could stop time and bottle up this moment for eternity. Zhao Yunlan was conscious of his breathing, of the positioning of his hands on Shen Wei’s waist, of their faces close enough to touch should he only lean in—
No, this was all wrong. Zhao Yunlan was still unsure of what his role in ancient Haixing was. What if he made a move and ruined all the rest of eternity? What if he wasn’t supposed to make Shen Wei fall in love with him—what if he was? There were too many unknowns, and Zhao Yunlan was afraid to risk changing his future, especially now that he had come to realize just what Shen Wei truly meant to him.
Regretfully, Zhao Yunlan released Shen Wei from his grip, taking a few steps back to keep himself from reaching out once more. “Come on,” he breathed out, “let’s get this mountain business done and over with.”
“…”
**********
Everything went according to plan, and Zhao Yunlan’s team successfully caught the group of bandits that had set up camp on the mountainside, but he knew that there were far more than only one group of rebels, so he pressed on with his men in search of the next camp. After a long and careful combing of the area, the group found three more enemy camps and, when the fifth and final one emerged, Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei easily suppressed them. Shen Wei, or rather, hei pao shi and ‘Kunlun’ formed a formidable pair as they fought their way through the horde of unruly Dixingren—Shen Wei with his sword, and Zhao Yunlan with his favourite gun.
Zhao Yunlan was stunned into silence by the sight of Shen Wei effortlessly flying through the air in a series of twists and turns, thrusting his sword at the enemy in short, sure jabs. In his own timeline, Zhao Yunlan had seen his version of hei pao shi fighting too, but the nimble Xiao Wei almost seemed to be dancing rather than fighting, his grace and elegance mingling with the sheer brute force of his sword in a delightfully alluring yet dangerous romp. Seeing him like this, it was no wonder his enemies were terrified of him.
After all the bandits had been successfully discovered and subdued, the other soldiers in their group busied themselves with marshalling the rebels in restraints down the mountain and towards Da Qing and the second group. By then, dusk had settled in, and when the last group of bandits was brought down the mountain, Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan were left alone in the abandoned enemy camp.
Zhao Yunlan settled himself on a log near a dead campfire, finally sitting down for the first time since his horseback ride to the mountain. He was absolutely shattered from the day’s events, but still, he felt his energy renewed by the fact that he was with Shen Wei. Zhao Yunlan observed how Shen Wei set about gathering firewood without having been asked—he was so dutiful, even in his distant past life.
“Shen Wei,” called out Zhao Yunlan. “Aren’t you tired? Come, sit.” He beckoned with his hand.
Shen Wei approached him without a word, dropping the firewood into the pit and taking his place next to Zhao Yunlan. “I don’t think we can expect to go down the mountain tonight, my… Kunlun.” He said, changing his speech habit mid-sentence.
“Mm, I guess we’ll just stay here, then. So much for going back to our camp tonight.” He said, sighing. “I hope Da Qing won’t worry too much.”
“...”
“Luckily, the bandits had all the necessities up here, so we won’t go hungry nor cold tonight,” continued Zhao Yunlan, unaware of the growing tension.
“…”
“Erm, I mean, there seems to be a few bedrolls here, so we’ll be fine.”
“…”
“I… maybe I should get the fire going. Are you cold? You must be cold. You’re not wearing a thick layer—”
“…”
“Not that I noticed! I mean, yes, I did notice, but… oh, nevermind.”
Zhao Yunlan couldn’t stem the embarrassing flow of stream-of-consciousness-esque words that left his mouth out of nervousness, all the while Shen Wei remained impossibly still and quiet next to him. Sighing, Zhao Yunlan moved to kneel by the fire pit to start up the logs but was stilled by Shen Wei’s hand on his arm.
“Let me.” He said softly and, with a flick of his hand, he set the logs ablaze.
Zhao Yunlan whistled in appreciation. “Neat. That’s convenient.”
“It’s only one of a number of my abilities.” Replied Shen Wei in what would have sounded like a boast out of anyone else’s mouth, but with him, it was simply a statement of the truth.
“Since when have you had your powers?”
“They developed quite early on, actually. I was just a child when I noticed that I could learn other people’s abilities and mimic them. My brother… his power never awakened, so he was mistreated because of it.”
‘Ha, if only you knew.’ Thought Zhao Yunlan rather sourly. ‘I wish they had never awakened.’
“I see,” replied Zhao Yunlan, happy to have found a topic of conversation. “And did it hurt when they developed?”
“Hurt?” Echoed Shen Wei, staring at the other man next to him. “No, I wouldn’t say that. When our powers awaken, it’s rather… pleasant, euphoric in a way.”
“Oh, I get it, like—” He stopped himself. ‘Shut up Zhao Yunlan, don’t go there.’ He told himself before changing gears. “Like… an explosion of happiness?” he ventured, cringing at his own words.
Shen Wei blinked prettily from behind his mask. “Yes, I supposed that’s a good way to describe it.”
Zhao Yunlan exhaled. ‘Phew. I’ll be lucky if I survive tonight.’
“Kunlun, you said earlier that I would experience a lot of different things from here on out. How do you know these things?”
“I… I can’t tell you.” He said, adding a “sorry” upon seeing Shen Wei’s disappointed face. “I just know that you’ll go on to do great things for this world, trust me.”
“I trust you, Kunlun, more than anyone else on the entirety of this planet.” Replied Shen Wei with fervour and earnest, a wide smile spreading across his face.
Zhao Yunlan felt his heart leap and, unable to control himself any longer, he slowly reached his hand out to pet a stray lock of hair on the side of Shen Wei’s head before tucking it gently behind his ear. After a long day of horseback riding and fighting bandits, Shen Wei’s previously immaculately braided hair had fallen into disarray, but it took nothing away from his beauty. If anything, the dishevelled, wind-swept look gave him an air of soft wildness that caused Zhao Yunlan’s mouth to go dry.
“Who braids your hair, Xiao Wei?” he asked softly, still unabashedly holding the dark tresses in his hand, utterly mesmerized by the sight in front of him.
“M-my... s-self” stammered Shen Wei, visibly shaken by Zhao Yunlan’s affectionate gesture.
“Really? Can you show me? I’ll help.” Replied Zhao Yunlan, already unknotting the leather cords that held back the braids, and running his fingers through them, gently detangling and smoothing the loosened strands. When he came up to the side of his temples, Zhao Yunlan undid the mask around Shen Wei’s face, taking it off completely and placing it on the ground behind them.
Shen Wei sat still, his face painted scarlet and eyes shining wildly, while Zhao Yunlan worked at undoing his braids. Once done, Zhao Yunlan came to stand behind Shen Wei, placing his fingertips on his scalp and moving his fingers down the length of his crown, gathering the luscious hair in his palms. Zhao Yunlan had never braided anyone’s hair before, but he wanted to try for Shen Wei.
“Show me.” He repeated, this time guiding Shen Wei’s hands to his head.
Shen Wei diligently went about combing his silky hair between his fingers, twisting strands along the way and forming a neat row of braids down the middle of his head. Zhao Yunlan watched entranced as his fingers deftly formed his signature braids along the sides of his head and, once he was done, Zhao Yunlan tied up the ends again with the cords he’d previously taken out. Resuming his position next to Shen Wei on the log, Zhao Yunlan admired how Shen Wei’s appearance was restored, his high forehead exposed and his face completely visible without the accursed mask that Zhao Yunlan hated so much.
“Much better.” He cooed, beyond wanting to be careful not to expose himself to Shen Wei. “Beautiful, actually.” He corrected himself, running his hand alongside Shen Wei’s jaw. “I wish you’d stop hiding that face of yours behind that ugly thing. It’s such a waste.”
“I… it gives me strength in the face of my enemies. It makes them fear me.” Explained Shen Wei, trying his best to maintain a steady voice as Zhao Yunlan’s hand continued to run along his face.
“But I don’t want you to be feared, Xiao Wei, you’re too special to be hated by everyone. You deserve so much better.” Said Zhao Yunlan in a soft whisper.
“Kunlun…” replied Shen Wei, raising his own hand and placing it to rest over Zhao Yunlan’s.“You were right, I did experience new things already.”
Zhao Yunlan laughed softly. “Really? Tell me.”
“I… I’ve never had anyone take care of my hair before… that’s new. And I’ve never had someone call me beautiful, either.” He answered truthfully, inching closer to Zhao Yunlan.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’ve never played with someone’s hair before, and I’ve never called another man beautiful either, that’s for sure. Handsome, yes, but never beautiful.”
“I-I’ve also experienced fear recently…”
“Fear?”
“Maybe ‘fear’ isn’t the right word.” Pondered Shen Wei, searching for a more appropriate expression to label his feelings.“I’ve felt fear on the battlefield before, but this was different.”
“Explain it to me, maybe I can help” offered Zhao Yunlan, surprised to find that the younger Shen Wei wasn’t as eloquent as the university professor that he knew so well.
Shen Wei lowered his eyes and toyed with the edge of his cape. “When you were talking to the yashou.”
“Da Qing, you mean?”
“Yes, Da Qing. You said… you said he loved you, and I saw that you do too. I felt fear—or something like fear—at that moment.”
Zhao Yunlan smiled at the blushing, shy youth. “Jealousy. You felt jealousy,” he stated in a low voice, his eyes swirling with desire for him—for all the Shen Weis between now and his own timeline.
“But Xiao Wei, there are different types of ‘love,’ you know.” He added, wanting to explain how deeply his own love ran. Even though this was still new to Zhao Yunlan, he knew that what he had denied himself, for god knew what reason, was materializing in front of him in the shape of the dark soldier by his side.
“I don’t understand.”
“Well, what I feel for Da Qing is a kinship of sorts. He’s my companion, my close friend. The love I have for him is purely platonic.”
“I see… in this “platonic way,” you can love many different people, but what I felt…”
“Yes, now that’s an entirely different type of love.” Explained Zhao Yunlan, bringing a long lock of Shen Wei’s black hair to his lips without breaking eye contact. “That’s something you’ll learn much more about later.”
“Kunlun, you’re so different than what the legends say…” said Shen Wei, fully immersed in his new experiences.
“Oh?” Said Zhao Yunlan, quirking an eyebrow into an inquisitive look. “And what do they say, mm?” He said, leaning in closer.
Shen Wei inhaled sharply when Zhao Yunlan’s lips brushed the knuckles of his hand still clasped onto Zhao Yunlan’s own. “T-they… they say that the great warlord Kunlun is the most fearsome man in the plains and that his list of accomplishments runs longer than the length of the world. They say that mountains turn to dust beneath his feet and that rivers run dry at his sight. They say that Kunlun is unparalleled in might, courage, and bravery, and that only the gods are his equal.”
“That’s interesting,” offered Zhao Yunlan, clearly amused by the myths about the person he incarnated. “And what do you think, Xiao Wei?” he questioned, moving his lips from Shen Wei’s knuckles to his inner wrist. “What do you think of the mighty Kunlun who stands before you now, in flesh and blood? Am I all that the legends say?”
Shen Wei shuddered at the touch, closing his eyes to savour the sensation. “Yes, yes you are, and so much more, too.” He said, opening his eyes again and meeting Zhao Yunlan’s expectant ones. “The Kunlun I know—this Kunlun—is so much larger than the legends. No book could contain what you are.”
“Mm, books are nice and all, but what of a heart?”
“A heart? A heart would surely explode if it tried to contain—"
“—but yours is still intact, Xiao Wei.” Interjected Zhao Yunlan, placing the flat of his hand against Shen Wei’s pounding heart.
Shen Wei blushed at Zhao Yunlan’s words—there was no denying what was clear as day. Shen Wei had heard the legends all his life, but never in a million years could he have imagined that this was what Kunlun was. His eyes showed Zhao Yunlan that he wasn’t alone in what he was feeling; that he, too, was madly, impossibly, head-over-heels in love.
“Kunlun… sometimes, when you speak, it’s as if you’ve known me all my life. Why do I feel like you already know me?”
Zhao Yunlan felt a vice clenching around his heart. This was all too eerily familiar to him. These words, almost exactly the same, had come out of his mouth a number of times in front of ‘his’ Shen Wei.
Why does it feel like I’ve met you before?
Why do I think that we have shared a past?
Why do you seem so familiar to me?
Everything clicked into place for Zhao Yunlan. In that moment, he finally understood why Professor Shen Wei was so dedicated to him—it was because Zhao Yunlan had made him fall in love with Kunlun so long ago and, since time immemorial, Shen Wei had chased after the shadow of a man who had never truly existed—it had always been Zhao Yunlan, and always would be. Kunlun was a myth, a fabrication born from Zhao Yunlan’s need to hide his identity, but Zhao Yunlan himself was real, and he now understood that he loved the professor because he loved the soldier, too.
Painfully aware of what he had done to Shen Wei—although unknowingly—Zhao Yunlan fought back the urge to tell the little soldier exactly why he knew him so well, why he already loved him so much and with a ferocity that rivalled with the core of the burning sun. Everything suddenly made sense with breathtaking clarity—their first meeting at the university and Professor Shen Wei’s forlorn look; an innate knowability of each other; Shen Wei’s slow and careful approach, unsure himself if who he was seeing was truly the same man from ten thousand years ago; the kinship, the brotherhood, the unspoken love.
At this point, Zhao Yunlan knew he was crossing a line, but there was no turning back anymore. Shen Wei, this specific Shen Wei, would be his tonight, no matter what the gods had planned. And so, throwing caution to the wind, Zhao Yunlan moved in and closed the gap between the two, pressing a reverent, sacred kiss on Shen Wei’s forehead with all of the soul-crushing love he could muster. He needed to convey through his gestures that he didn’t simply covet Shen Wei because they were alone in the mountains at night, that this wasn’t only a fleeting moment of passion, but rather that they had a definitive future together and that his love for him ran deeper than all the oceans in the world. But to get to that future, Shen Wei had to have a reason to follow Zhao Yunlan across decades—centuries—while never looking back nor doubting the road ahead.
“Xiao Wei,” he breathed against the other’s skin, “no matter what happens, you must trust me. If I leave one day, don’t be heartbroken nor sad, we will meet again. You have to believe these words and hold on to them, or else our future will be destroyed.” He explained, feeling his eyes watering at the thought of parting and leaving this innocent Shen Wei behind, broken, scared, and alone for the next ten thousand years.
“Kunlun, you have my word.” Replied Shen Wei reverentially. “If you have to leave, I will search the world over until I find you again.”
Zhao Yunlan moved his face downwards to capture Shen Wei’s soft lips with his own, cupping his face in his hands and drinking in the taste and smell of his skin—the wind, the rivers, the pines. “And when you find me,” he said, breaking the contact between them. “If ever I’ve forgotten who you are—”
Whispered Shen Wei against his mouth, taking the initiative and closing the distance between them once more.“I’ll do everything that I can to make you remember this—us—no matter what happens.” He added, lips brushing against each other in increasing tenderness.
“Yes, don’t give up on me.” He said, leaning his forehead against Shen Wei’s and cradling the back of his head. “In due time, and with your help, I will remember.”
Sighing contentedly, Zhao Yunlan moved his hands so that he encircled Shen Wei in his arms. “Xiao Wei, look at the stars above us. The heavens remain unchanged for millions of years.”
Shen Wei did as he was asked and turned his eyes towards the sky, comfortably embedded in Zhao Yunlan’s arms. “They’re beautiful, Kunlun. More so now than they’ve ever been.” He declared as the universe reflected back into the dark pools of his eyes.
“That’s us, Xiao Wei, I swear it. Like the constellations above us that are fixed and unchanging, we will find our way back to each other because that’s how it’s supposed to be. That’s how our story will keep on going for centuries to come.”
Shen Wei’s breath hitched. “Centuries?”
“Centuries.”
**********
To Be Continued…