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“It’s a transparent attempt to shame me into doing the honourable thing.”
Lister knew this wasn’t going to work. He’d felt Starbug lift for a moment, but Rimmer’s paranoid ability to reject love was stronger than their ability to convince him. It didn’t help that Lister felt that Kryten and the Cat weren’t being entirely sincere. Well technically the Cat hadn’t said anything about liking Rimmer but...
He looked at Rimmer for a moment, Starbug quivering down into the bog around them. His brows were knit and his eyes cast down as the grungy light of the ship reflected off his red jacket. He was there, really there, physically there as he hadn’t been since he died. Lister’s stomach stirred with thoughts of the things he could do right now that had been safe in their impossibility. It was easier to keep things to yourself when it was impossible for them to become real.
“Give us the room,” Lister said, still looking at Rimmer, who raised his eyes questioningly.
“What?!” He heard the on the other side of the room. “That’s not the plan! We’re about to get eaten by this cra-“
“Just go for a minute will you?” Lister said with vigour, giving the Cat a look. It seemed to get the point across and he shuffled into the drive room with Kryten following, the door shutting behind them.
“What is this about Listy?” Rimmer had gone defensive immediately, his back tensing and his nostrils flaring. “Think you can bargain with me into somehow getting you off this moon? Because believe me Lister if I could get us out of here, I would already be gone!”
Lister started towards Rimmer, thinking of how to talk to him in a way he would believe. He noticed the tenseness of his jaw, the small scar there texturing the surface of the skin. He wondered what it would feel like under his fingers, he wanted to touch it, and he realized he could.
“Rimmer, I know you’re going to find this hard to believe. And I’m realizing now that that it’s partially my fault but-“ Lister reached out, his hand close to Rimmer’s jaw but settling on his shoulder instead, “I really do care about you man.”
Rimmer looked at him, and for one moment he saw softness and vulnerability in those eyes. Lister caught his breath for a moment, feeling the solidity of Rimmer’s shoulder under his hand and the quivering of Starbug stopped. Then those eyes hardened again as brows furrowed again under curly locks. The shaking of the ship continued once more.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve here Lister, but I know how much you despise me, you always make sure to let me know it.”
“But it’s not for real,” Lister insisted, “it’s just who we are to each other man,” he bit his lip. “And maybe I do go too far sometimes and I’m sorry but you are my friend and I love you man!”
It came out in a huff, Lister had said it before he realized and after a heart stopping moment he let himself find comfort in the truth. Rimmer’s eyes were bright and wide and looking right at Lister.
“You- you don’t mean that,” he shook his head.
“I do,” he replied, glancing over Rimmer’s shocked face and lingering a beat on his jaw. He finally let his fingers reach for it. His bunkmates skin was warm under his fingers, soft and textured and so human. He had to bite back a sigh. “I love you Rimmer.”
Rimmer’s lips opened slightly and Listers gaze darted to them instinctively. He had a chance here, one he hadn’t had in the three million years since Rimmer had died and probably wouldn’t ever have again, so he took it. Lister leaned in and pressed his lips against Rimmer’s, steadying himself against his temporarily human body.
He wasn’t sure what he expected, but when Rimmer pressed up against him and kissed him back, Lister decided that it wasn’t that. He let himself go, guiding Rimmer’s warm lips to fit against his, getting lost in the physical contact that had been only possible in his imagination for so long.
Around them began a cacophony of sounds and movement that made them tumble into each other. At some point Holly came on the screen.
“We’re lifting again! Guys?”
Her voice barely registered as Lister lost his fingers in Rimmer’s curls. Rimmer made a noise so soft Lister would have never had guessed it could come from him if it hadn’t been there to experience it directly against his lips.
And then all of a sudden the warmth was gone, and Lister was falling. He hit the metallic ground with a clank, blow only softened by flailing arms. He sat there frozen and completely stunned.
Rimmer was staring down at him with equal surprise.
“Lister?” His eyes met the hologram’s. The H was once again present on his forehead and Lister’s stomach did a flip so violent it nearly made him gag.
“Are you alright?” Rimmer asked.
“Yeah,” Lister said eventually, checking himself for broken bones. None, thankfully, but a few bruises for sure. “Yeah I’m alright.”
He watched Rimmer’s tongue slip out and dart over his lower lip. He quickly got back on his feet.
“I don’t know what to say,” Rimmer confessed, looking off to the side.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Lister shrugged. He certainly didn’t know what else to say.
“I do um, care about you too, Lister,” Rimmer managed, “that is I don’t hate you. So much. Anymore.”
It wasn’t very much, but from Rimmer he would take it. Besides, Lister thought he probably learned more from that kiss than Rimmer would have ever told him in words. Lister still wasn’t sure what to think of that. He offered him a little smile.
“Well it looks like we’ll back on the Dwarf soon...” Lister said, motioning to move towards the drive room. All of a sudden panic was back in Rimmer’s eyes.
“Lister,” he questioned in an anxious tone. Lister stopped walking and turned back to him.
“What is it Rimmer?” Lister didn’t think he could answer any questions about what just happened and desperately hoped that Rimmer wasn’t going to ask.
“Did you really mean it, or was this just some ploy to get us away from that place.” There was an edge to Rimmer’s voice, something that said he was protecting himself from the answer.
“It wasn’t a ploy Rimmer. I meant it.” Lister said honestly. Rimmer looked at him with suspicion for a moment but then seemed to decide he was telling the truth. His lips turned upwards in the slightest amount.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. Lister gave him a smile.
“‘Course,” he replied. “Now lets go home.”