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It’d been months since Toki and Abigail had recovered in the Mordhaus hospital. Abigail had been the faster of the two to recover somehow. It was almost as if she’d manipulated her treatments through sheer willpower. After it all, she was thrown a welcome back party, which mostly consisted of the band (minus Toki) getting drunk and offering her some booze. This she simply shrugged off. She wasn’t the same as before, coming off more cold than ever. The words she’d dismissed them with still stung: “I should have never taken this job.Take care of Toki.” In the end, they couldn’t blame her.
While Abigail went on her long break, the rest of the haus did just that: Take care of Toki. It took him a few more days, but eventually he could speak and walk around sans splitting headache, and he was so happy . Happy to be alive again, to really be living and not just surviving. He was happy to be in his own home, surrounded by his friends.
For the first while, he talked mostly to Skwisgaar, but he slowly became his regular, social self, annoying all the boys equally. But he stayed close to Skwisgaar. Rather, Skwisgaar kept him close. However one wanted to look at it, no matter how many times one sliced it, the two were inseparable after that. But they acted like nothing had changed. They were still at each other's throats sometimes, but far less than before.
Fast-forward to the present day. The five of them were sitting around in the hottub, watching some gorey movies. Maybe it wasn’t the best option to have so much beer on hand at the side of the tub, but they’d hardly broken into the first case so so far things hadn’t gone south.
Skwisgaar was sitting in between Nathan and Toki, a healthy foot away from the former, the latter practically on his lap. The Norwegian’s calloused fingers sifted through wet blond locks, curling the ends this way and that atop Skwisgaar’s shoulder in no particular pattern. He didn’t mind; he was so used to Toki just being there , always at his side, that he would be concerned if Toki wasn’t touching him in some way. That was normal.
Murderface and Pickles were on the other end of the tub, laughing and spilling beer into the tub every time one of them laughed too hard or missed their mouths. Nathan grunted, leaning against the front of the hottub with his arms crossed outside of it, and reached for a remote to turn up the volume with a dripping hand.
Skwisgaar wasn’t paying much attention to the movie. He was paying more attention to the man at his side who he really didn’t want watching the movie anyway. It was insensitive to make someone who had been stabbed, patched up loosely and then thrown in a basement for months watch a film full of violence and gore. When the movie was being decided, he had even spoken against it, but Toki had insisted he would be fine. That didn’t mean that Skwisgaar believed him.
Toki’s attention was all on Skwisgaar’s hair though. His eyes were half lidded, ignoring the screams and whirring weapons from the movie.
“You know, Tokis,” Skwisgaar said, instantly drawing Toki’s attention, “what you ams doing ams very relaxing. Sos relaxing I coulds falls asleep. Ins de tub. You wants me to drowns?” His tried to sound serious, but his smile betrayed him.
“Maybes!” Toki laughed. “What ifs I massages you’s scalp? That woulds be even more relask-sting.”
“Just tries it. If I dies. It ams on your hands, Mr. Wartooths!”
They both laughed and Toki grabbed Skwisgaar by the sides of his head, gently trying to dunk him under. Skwisgaar slipped out of his grasp, holding his breath as he was submerged, and grabbed a hold of Toki’s leg as he came back to the surface.
“Ah! Don’ts does that!” Toki gasped. “Who ams tryings to kills who?”
“Maybes de tables… ams haves turned!” Skwisgaar all but pounced on him, grabbing hold of Toki’s shoulders before settling back down. Toki resumed his position beside him, somehow drifting closer.
“You guys know this isn’t a pool, right? We have one of those,” Nathan said, giving them a dirty look.
“Yeeah, yer gettin’ water everywhere, doods!”
Skwisgaar surveyed the outside of the tub. They had kind of made a mess, but so what? Water damage was no problem in Mordhaus, where you could have anything fixed in an instant.
“Oh, comes on, guys! Me and Skwisgaar ams just havin’s a little funs! We never gots to goes to that waterparks we wanteds to visits all those months agos!”
“Ja! Why ams you guys so against a little funs huh? You all ams a bunch ofs, wet towels, you knows dats?”
Nathan’s glare pierced Skwisgaar. “Just try to remember, you two aren’t the only ones in here.”
The others turned back to the movie and Skwisgaar and Toki exchanged confused looks. Chestnut brown hair draped over Skwisgaar’s chest as Toki’s heavy head rested on his shoulder.
“Euughhh, you ams tireds?” Skwisgaar guessed, laying a hand at the base of Toki’s skull.
“Nah. Just relaxin’s,” Toki said.
Skwisgaar kept his smile to himself. His hand slowly drifted toward Toki’s arm, pulling him in closer. They were sitting with their legs touching, literally hip to hip, with much of Toki’s weight on Skwisgaar. The Swede didn’t mind. This was normal.
“You knows why these types of movies don’ts bothers me?” Toki asked.
“Eugh, nos. Why nots?”
“Because we sees this shit all the times. Or at least we dids, when we used to plays shows and makes people signs the papers, sayin’s what if they died, we couldn’ts be held account-stables. Ands… the tortures that happens in these movies ams way closer to whats would happens to a typskical Dethklok fans than what happened to Toki.”
That answer made Skwisgaar cringe. He was glad- beyond glad, relieved with every part of his soul- that Toki had never had to endure any of the carnage portrayed in these movies. If his captors had done any of that to him, Skwisgaar would have double-killed them . But still, there was something utterly cringe-inducing about the way they used to treat the fans, before they realized they were people, real people like them.
But that was the past. They would never repeat those practices again. The fans that were still loyal to them after all the death and destruction and dishonesty- the fans that helped them keep the economy going today- were the people they had to thank for everything at this point.
“Wells… dat ams… somewhats a relief?” He said with a shrug. “Hey, how ams your wounds?” It just occurred to him that it had been a while since he’d checked them. “Ams de water aggskrivatings dem?”
“Nos, don’t worries, they don’t hurts anymores.”
“Lets me see, just to be sures.”
Toki squished his cheek against Skwisgaar’s shoulder in a pout he could feel rather than see. “Nooos, nots now. I ams fine! Gods, don’ts be such a moms Skwisgaar.”
“Toki, I swears, I’ll fuckings tickles you to death if you don’ts lets me haves a look-”
“WOULD YOU TWO JUST FUCKING KISS ALREADY? FUCK!”
Silence. Well, except for the movie screams. Skwisgaar felt his blood run cold like the fake splatter on the other side of the TV screen as he looked at Nathan, who was fuming. Pickles and Murderface broke out laughing, lost in the sauce.
Without waiting for further questioning, Nathan continued. “Don’t you guys hear yourselves? You’re like a goddamned couple. I mean, look at you!” He gestured with his open palm toward the pair of wide-eyed Scandinavians, who were clinging to each other, one of Toki’s knees bent up around Skwisgaar’s legs protectively. “You two are fucking cuuuuuhHH I can’t even say it, fuck wait.” Nathan downed another gulp of beer. “CUDDLING, THERE. That’s what you guys are doing. Right now. And it’s disgusting.”
Skwisgaar snorted, pushing away from Toki and crossing his arms, chest puffed up in defense. “Pffffft ja rights! Dis ams completelies normals behaviours! For me and hims! I was just euuuuuughhh, checking up on hims! Gets your mind out of de dumpsters, ja?”
Toki said nothing, but watched on intently as the two argued.
Nathan dragged his hand down his face dramatically. “You can’t just say that and expect me to forget what I’ve been seeing and hearing for the past three months. Fucks sake Skwisgaar- you two have something going on, and I’d just rather not have to see it .”
“Yeah!” Murderface chimed in. “Get a room, ugh!”
“You ams accusings me of things unfairlies, Nathans!” Skwisgaar doubled down, knowing Nathan wasn’t wrong, which he wasn’t ready to admit. “I don’ts likes him like dat, and he doesn’t likes me. End of stories, you can keeps watching you’s movies now.” He gives a little wave to drive his point home.
“You’ve always been in your own head, Skwisgaar, but I’ve never seen you this delusional. In all my years in Dethklok. And there have been, uhhhh… a lot of years. I don’t remember. Point is? You like him.”
“Proves it!”
Nathan crossed his arms, leaning back against the edge of the tub, some water spilling out. He looked up at the ceiling, as if deep in contemplation. “How about we start with when we got Toki back?” Skwisgaar bowed his head, knowing he was cornered if Nathan was actually going to start there. Nathan’s expression grew serious. “I watched you- you went straight for him- I watched you carry him out of that shitty old crumbling building. We had to pry him out of your hands when we got to the hospital. You weren’t letting go. Do you remember any of that?”
Skwisgaar held his tongue for a moment, calculating his response. He thought of denying it all, but he felt the blush spreading to his ears, and knew he would look like a liar. It was humiliating, how much he’d clung to Toki. But he’d felt so lost without him, he’d needed him back, and to be as close as possible. That was still the case.
Head still lowered, he looked over at Toki, who wasn’t meeting his eyes, but had a tiny smug smile on his face. Skwisgaar wanted to smack it right off. No, that wasn’t quite right. Not smack it off. But kiss it in a mean way . Yeah, that would show him.
“See what I mean?” Nathan cut through the silence. He’d caught Skwisgaar staring. “And ever since, you two have been like this. Just on each other, all the time. And I mean, it gets on my nerves ‘cause it’s gross! But the fact that you two idiots are so oblivious about it is just infuriating.”
“Woaoh, big word. I won Sc-Scrabble wit’ dat one once, I think,” Pickles hiccupped. The others ignored him.
“Well, dis ams an embarrasinks conversations to be havings! Um!” Skwisgaar’s face was so hot he was breaking a sweat. He was completely trapped in this situation. What was he supposed to say? Admit that he likes Toki, and let Nathan win ? Or was he supposed to lie, and potentially hurt Toki in the process? Neither option seemed very good. He grinned and nudged his fellow guitarist. “Helps. Me.” He hissed through his teeth.
Toki smiled at him wickedly. “You does likes me!”
“Whats!? Whose side ams you on, huh?” Skwisgaar stood up to his full height in the tub, attempting to look imposing but really just looking soggy and flustered. He wanted to get out but his pride wouldn’t let him move.
Toki stood up, eyebrows narrowed, looking up at him, as if challenging him.
Not sure if he should push him or just sit back down, Skwisgaar stood there angrily, hands balled up at his fists as they had a tense staredown. No good stupid Toki, who he shouldn’t have assumed was on his side for even a second...
“Oooooh, kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Pickles started drunkenly chanting. Skwisgaar watched in horror as Murderface and even Nathan, who had been so grossed out by them before, joined in.
Toki was looking at him, blinking, expecting something. Skwisgaar felt butterflies in his stomach. Between looking at Toki’s lips and hearing the obnoxious, rhythmic chanting of his friends, he couldn’t focus. After some inner turmoil, he came to the conclusion that he should just give in. If that was what they wanted from him, he might as well give them a show. It was the only logical way to recover.
Steeling himself, he reached for Toki’s face and pulled him roughly with both hands, smashing their lips together. And he felt a sort of release. All the noises around him, all the lights, everything was drowned out as he achieved what he realized he’d wanted since Toki’d come back home. Toki’s hands grasped the hair at the nape of Skwisgaar’s neck. Their lips moved awkwardly against each other, with the unmistakable jitters that came with having anticipated something for so long.
When Skwisgaar pulled away, it was like coming up for air, or waking up from a beautiful dream.
“Told ya,” Nathan said.
Skwisgaar had forgotten about their audience for a moment. Startled that everyone was still there, watching , he fell back into his prickly attitude.
“Fucks you! Shows over, folks! Goodbyes!” He flipped them the bird and climbed out of the tub ungracefully, wrapping a towel around himself as quickly as he could. He looked back, hoping Toki was following him.
Toki was just standing there, with this stupid smile on his face, gazing into the water as he ignored the others’ jeering and teasing. When his eyes met Skwisgaar’s again, he hurried to follow him. As soon as Toki had grabbed his own towel, Skwisgaar grabbed him by the wrist and walked them out of the living area, straight out into the hall.
The stone was warm against his feet, warmed by the torchlight spilling from the wall. Toki and Skwisgaar’s elongated shadows stood apart, facing each other with hesitation, before they collided into one dark mass.
“Skwisgaar.” Toki’s voice came in a whisper as the shadows broke away.
Skwisgaar’s breathing was heavy. “Whats?” He aimed for Toki’s lips again. Kissing him was better when he wasn’t doing it to prove someone else’s point. He was disappointed when Toki’s fingers met his lips instead.
“Waits. We needs to talks about this! What Nathans said… you really does likes me, rights?”
Of all the questions Toki could have asked, this one was by far the most ludicrous. “You… realize I ams kissings you right nows, because I wants to? Nathans was ams rights. I already lets him knows dat. If I didn’ts likes you, woulds we be doesing dis in privates ? Nos.”
Toki opened his mouth to say something, but fell silent.
“Tokis… Little Toki. You ams so stupids.” Skwisgaar held Toki’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, drawing him in for another quick kiss. “Don’ts makes me explains it agains.”
“...I didn’ts remembers you carryin’s me. I was probablies passed outs… then they gaves me drugs. Ams it trues? That you wouldn’ts let go of mes?” His eyes pleaded with sincerity, hands clasped together.
Skwisgaar sighed. “I remembers it. All of it ams true.” Suddenly he didn’t feel like kissing anymore. He drew away, leaning his back against the wall. “I wanteds you back so bad. Dat when I couldn’ts haves you right away, ‘cause you was in de hospitals, I got angries. For a long times.” Luckily, in Nathan’s grilling, he’d left out the part where Skwisgaar had thrown tantrums and broken furniture in frustration. He’d left out the part before Toki’s rescue too, when Skwisgaar had turned to hard drugs and a lot of heavy drinking. Toki’s absence had taken its toll on Skwisgaar, but for now that was more than he needed to know.
Toki gingerly touched his elbow. “That’s why you won’ts let me out of you’s sight, I bet.”
“...Sometimes you amn’ts so stupids. Right now you ams corrects.”
“Aw, Skwisgaar. ” Toki threw his arms around Skwisgaar, nearly knocking him over. Regaining his footing, Skwisgaar hugged him back, tight. This closeness was something he’d longed for since he’d carried Toki away from that awful place. “No more pretendings we don’ts wants each others,” Toki said as he nuzzled his face into Skwisgaar’s chest.
“Hah, sures. Only if we gets to gross outs de guys as much as ams possibles.”