Chapter Text
The snake in the Garden of Eden is a symbol of evil.
But if it had not been the Will of the Lord, how could the snake ever have entered the Garden of Eden?
As Judas in the apostle, who will become synonymous with betraying.
But his betrayal would have been appropriate, fulfilling the God's expectations.
Even if this expectation will lead to the crucifixion of Jesus.
The path becomes clearer by the day, and each day you learn more about your birth and your end.
Visions and dreams are all over you on a daily basis, and every day's events seem to meet before.
You feel less and less alive, like a broken projector, bouncing and repeating.
Mary said you've been so far apart lately. Is something bothering you?
You already know she's going to ask the question, and, predictably, you brush it off the way you already know it, touch her head with a smile.
Watching her squint and enjoying your touch makes you feel a little sad, but you're not sure if it's heartfelt or prophetic.
It's like living in a dream.
But in this dreams, everything is reality.
It makes you more, more and more unable to see Judas.
You know he will betray you, you know he will take the thirty dollars, you know he will come to you with the Roman guards.
But you don't understand why he will.
Does your friendship over the years is not as important to Judas as you think it is?
Unacceptable, intolerable.
You know Judas hasn't done anything yet, but watching him as he always does makes you more and more anxious.
This anxiety makes you go to Judas place less and less. You'd rather stay out all night, talk to people, help patients, fill your time with hustle, and it's much easier than reading and chatting with Judas.
You can see Judas's confusion, but you have no way of explaining it.
What’s the point about explanation? He'll betray you sooner or later anyway.
So you grab whoever is next to you and you talk to them every time you see Judas walking up to you, you talk and talk until you see Judas giving up and walking away.
Once, twice, four times, ten times.
You think Judas get it.
But you don't anticipate that Judas wouldn't give up.
You casually grabbed someone and started talking once again, thought Judas had left after.
Half relieved, you let the conversation end.
But Judas was smoking and waiting in your blind spot.
As soon as the conversation ends, he grabs your arm and drags you along.
It's not that hard to break away from him, but you're distracted by an unexpected development and let him take you for a while before you ask, "What are you doing?"
Judas continues to pull you away without turning his head. "I prepared dinner," he said. "You are coming."
It was an affirmative sentence.
The anxiety rises again and you push it down.
Judas is grabbing you. He won't let you go. He wants you to have dinner with him.
The hand on your arm is so warm.
These all make you want to cry.
He's still here. He hasn’t gone.
Maybe you could have dinner again as what you did, you think.
You didn't say a word, you didn't say no, you just let Judas grab you away.
You want to sink in the warmth of this moment.
Even if, even if this could be the last warmth before chips are down.
Let you be.