Work Text:
Beneath: Drunk Quatre and Drunk Duo and the pet Heero Didn’t Want
by duointherain
disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing
Note: this is just crack fic, inspired by incorrectgundamwingquotes on tumblr
They had started at the table. It was just coincidence that there had been arguments in their respective households that day.
Duo had wanted a pet. Heero had been very preoccupied with homework. Things could have been phrased better.
Quatre wasn’t quite sure what he’d done and at the moment Trowa wasn’t saying. Quatre being Quatre, there was a long list of things he was worried about.
So the two of them were sharing a suite at Winner Headquarters. There had been zero intention of getting drunk, but Duo had never tasted creme de menthe before.
Duo could drink Quatre under the table without really trying, so Quatre cheated. Winner Enterprises had many technologies, cloning and genetically engineering were high on the list.
That first shot hit Duo like half a bottle would have.
Quatre grinned like a victorious canary.
Then Duo took two more.
That grin turned into fear of alcohol poisoning.
Determined Duo was determined.
Some short time later, Quatre had definitely drunk Duo under the table, but it only added to the things he could feel guilty for.
Duo sat on the floor, legs spread in a V, giggling like a maniac. His soft brown hair was mussed and violet eyes all full of hearts and stars. “Heero says I can’t have a dog.”
Quatre, who could feel Duo’s deep disappointment, dropped down to his knees. “Why?” His hands smacked the hardwood floor. “Having a dog is a man’s right! Why can’t you have a dog!?”
“He said he was too busy to talk about it!” Duo burst into tears, hands covering his face. “He doesn’t have time for me! I AM Heero’s dog! I’m worthless!”
“No, no!” Quatre said, patting Duo’s knee. Both drunk and on emotional overload, because Duo never felt anything in a small polite way, he vowed, “Well, something else then! Something fuzzy and self maintaining!”
“Like a spider?”
“I guess,” Quatre said, settling down in cross-legged comfort between Duo’s legs, “But they’re kind of small.”
“Do you think they’d be cute if they were bigger?”
“Their paws are cute,” Quatre said, getting an idea. “What if we use my sister’s lab and make one! About the size of a cat!”
“Wow! Are there spiders that big in the, on the Earth?” Duo was on the hook now, eyes full of drunken wonder. “I think I’ll call it Simon!”
“Okay! We can do this,” Quatre said, staggering to his feet, then holding a hand out to Duo.
Six hours later, they were still drunk, but the state of the art cloning printer was making Simon, including cute fuzzy paws.
About the time Duo passed out on the floor of the lab, Quatre took a call from Trowa.
“I’m sorry, my dearest heart. I don’t know why we were fighting, but I am sorry for whatever it was that I did,” Quatre confessed tearfully.
“We’re not fighting. Where are you?”
Within an hour, Quatre was asleep in the front seat of their car, Duo in the back, with his new spider in a large cat carrier resting on his back.
He didn’t wake up when Trowa hauled him up out of the seat and over his shoulder. He kicked at Heero’s door because he held Duo with one arm and the cat carrier in his other.
Heero’s eyes went wide and he reached out to take both with a sigh.
Trowa had actually started the car and started to accelerate when Heero came running out of the house at full speed, cat carrier in both hands. Trowa’s strongest instinct was to drive away as fast as was legally possible. A very determined Heero could probably run that fast though and would not be happy when he caught them.
“You don’t like spiders?”
Heero said something in a level of Japanese that was too rude for Trowa to be sure, but it was something along the lines of gerbils and a lot of lube.
When Duo woke, he found a large glass of water, two painkillers. After that he rolled over towards Heero and found a small yellow dog happily wagging its tail and wanting to lick his face. He squealed in delight.
Heero’s eyes opened, a smile growing on his face as he reached out and brushed wild hair back from Duo’s face. “I wanted to surprise you. I’m sorry I was selfish.”
Duo moved forward, puppy held in his arms as he kissed Heero lovingly. “I was impatient. You are never selfish. I love you. Thank you.”
“Thank you,” Heero said back, kissing Duo again. “Do you like her?”
“Oh yes! She’s perfect! How did I get home?”
“Trowa brought you home.”
<><>
Two days later, Dorothy stared at the present from Winner Enterprises. It was labeled ‘fragile’, ‘live contents’.
The live contents label was sad. It clearly wasn’t Maxwell’s heart. She templed her fingers then started opening her gift. How bad could it be?