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“Do you remember...” Klaus wheezed “when we snuck out to see Scooby Doo as kids,” Diego glared at his brother, already knowing what he was going to tease him about “and you thought real dogs were like that?” Klaus giggled obnoxiously.
Diego swallowed his mouthful of scrambled eggs. He really should start buying actual groceries... “I knew they couldn’t talk, jackass.” he mumbled, not looking up at his brother’s stupid face. He could imagine how smug it would be. “I just thought they looked fun...” Diego had grown a little obsessed with the idea of getting a dog after they saw that movie. He thought it would make them more like ordinary kids; the types of families with pets, loving parents, and white picket fences.
His brother shoved an ungodly amount of egg in his mouth. “Can’t believe you actually cried to mom over Scooby Doo...” he murmured, his mouth still full. It was unbelievable that this man had been forced to have proper table manners for seventeen years. Diego was tempted to fling his forkful of egg at him. Right in the centre of his face.
“I didn’t cry over Scooby Doo!” Diego defensively snapped, even though it just made him look even guiltier. “I cried because I wanted a dog...” he grumbled. He’d begged mom for weeks, but their dad wouldn’t allow it. He said a dog would distract them, but he would consider using one in training. None of them wanted to know what that meant. Diego was glad they never found out.
Klaus sat giggling to himself like a schoolgirl. “At least I tried to cheer you up.” he sang, acting like he was a philanthropist rather than an idiot.
“You said ”It’s okay Di, that’s what we have Pogo for” and Luther punched you in the face.” Diego deadpanned. He looked back down to his eggs, focusing on picking some up on his fork. It was hard to stop himself from chuckling, he had to bite down on the inside of his cheek. Luther had inadvertently fractured Klaus’ goddamn cheekbone, he had a bruised up face for weeks. Klaus was loving it, he said it made him look like a “sexy bad boy”, which pissed Luther off even more. His brother had also been enamored by the pain relief mom had reluctantly given him.
The peaceful sigh Klaus let out made it seem like that was a fond memory, which Diego found even funnier. Goddammit, he hated when Klaus was funny. It went straight to his head. His brother looked up and made intense eye contact with Diego, it seemed like he was going to confess something profound. “Don’t y’think he’s kinda weirdly attached to that monkey?” his brother airily mused instead. Diego rolled his eyes, he didn’t know why he ever expects anything remotely serious to come from Klaus’ mouth. “Maybe not just incest is his thing.” Klaus crudely quipped, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously.
Letting out a rough groan was the only way Diego could bring himself to respond to that, whilst he shoved his face onto his palm. “Why do you always gotta bring them up!” he whined, his voice muffled by his hand. He knew exactly why Klaus joked about them all the time, it was because he knew it made Diego feel nauseous. The smug giggle Klaus released was evidence to that. “He’s a chimp, by the way.” Diego bluntly corrected, feeling a bit offended on Pogo’s behalf. He was complicit in dad’s bullshit, but he could at the very least be referred to as the right species.
A confused grin flashed across Klaus’ face, making him pause lifting his fork to his mouth. His brow was furrowed with intrigue. “Luther?!” he squeaked. Diego kicked his shin under the table. Klaus let out a shriek as though he were Lieutenant Dan, rather than the victim of a bumped shin. As he flinched, the egg flew from his fork and landed in his brother’s untamed hair. Diego shook his head with amusement, hoping it wasn’t too obvious on his face. Klaus scowled at him as he dramatically wiped the egg from his hair, acting as though a bird had just shit on him - and that bird was Diego.
“I should probably leave,” Klaus mumbled as he finally placed his fork down on his half empty plate. “gotta see a man about a dog.” he murmured as he dragged himself up from his chair. That dog reference better not have been intentional, Diego thought. He was expecting Klaus to leave shortly, he’d noticed how his brother’s hand had grown progressively shakier throughout their ”meal”. Diego let out a tiny sigh, feeling frustrated that his brother does this to himself.
Diego rose from his chair too, and made his way to the front door. Klaus stumbled alongside. “Maybe try not to get arrested again,” Diego grumbled passive aggressively as he pulled his door ajar “twice in one day would be embarrassing, even for you.” Klaus raised an eyebrow, looking unimpressed.
“Bold of you to assume I’m capable of embarrassment.” his brother chuckled. Diego shrugged agreeably, he had a point. “Maybe try to eat something other than eggs.” his brother goaded as he swanned out of the door. For once he was right, Diego ought to get some food. Mom wouldn’t be impressed with the contents of his refrigerator. “Rooby Rooby Roo!” Klaus exclaimed with a frenzied grin, clearly still feeling up to being a dick despite his evident dope sickness. Diego slammed the door in his face before his brother could see the smirk he felt rising. It was ironic that he was always too wasted to remember what he did yesterday, but could remember Diego’s embarrassing moments from years ago. Asshole. Diego chuckled gently as he made his way over to clean up their dishes.