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At the moment, the million dollar question was whether Kyungsoo was actually going to throw up in the bathroom of a diner next to some guy taking the biggest shit of his life, or if he was going to fall over from the way the toilet bowl was doing somersaults in front of him like the gymnast he wished he was. Maybe he’d do both. Throw up and pass out, all while the dude next to him takes a dump.
Exaggeration? If only it was. Just moments ago he’d been “eating” lunch with Junmyeon and Jongin -- ‘eating’ in quotation marks because he’d only been able to stomach a cup of tea -- when he ran to the bathroom with the urgent need to throw up. Even running had been difficult. No, it would be more accurate to say he’d stumbled his way to the stall he now stood in, wishing he could just end it all there.
“Hey man, you alright?” Great, even his next door neighbor was concerned. Had he been making sounds or something?
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo managed. He closed his eyes when the wall swirled in front of him again. “Probably.”
“Well, if you need anything…”
Right. He mustered just enough focus to feel grateful but was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door swinging open. Jongin’s voice carried in the room. “Kyungsoo? Are you okay?”
“Mhm.”
Silence as Jongin presumably decided whether or not to bother him. Luckily, Kyungsoo started to feel the nausea subside just as Jongin knocked on the stall door. He waited a beat before turning and unlocking it.
Jongin took in his appearance, furrowed brow reflecting just how bad Kyungsoo probably looked. “Hyung, are you--”
“I’m fine,” he said. “I just ate something bad last night and I’m feeling a little nauseous. Don’t worry about it.”
“Okay… Junmyeon told me to check up on you, but if you say so... Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I said I’m fine,” Kyungsoo snapped. Immediately realizing his sharp tone, he tried for a smile. “Thanks for worrying, Jongin. You can go out. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Jongin nodded, gaze lingering with concern as he left the bathroom. Kyungsoo breathed out and turned to the mirror. No wonder Jongin was worried. He looked awful. Dark eyes, dried lips, hair a mess. Kyungsoo turned on the faucet, splashing water in his face. It was more jolting than refreshing, but at least he looked less like a drug addict and a bit more sober. After a number of sleepless, sometimes painful nights, he’d begun to feel less like himself and more like a tired, irritated version of himself. Apparently that change was apparent on his face. He’d noticed it before, just not how bad it had gotten. He really needed to get more sleep.
Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel the anxiety swirling in his stomach but ignored it in favor of drying his face with a paper towel and heading out. Jongin and Junmyeon were waiting for him when he returned to their table, sitting down.
The two had stopped their conversation when he came. Kyungsoo took a careful sip of his now lukewarm tea, pretending like he couldn’t see Junmyeon staring at him from across the table.
“You were in the bathroom for a while,” said Junmyeon. Kyungsoo didn’t miss Jongin’s wide-eyed glance at Junmyeon; he’d probably told him not to say anything after Kyungsoo’s evident annoyance.
Kyungsoo lowered the mug a fraction. “You have excellent observational skills.”
“Are you feeling okay?”
This time Jongin kicked Junmyeon under the table. Kyungsoo felt it shake. “I ate something weird last night,” he said. “I’ll be fine tomorrow.”
He was granted a dubious “mhm” in response, but nothing else. Jongin frowned. “Maybe you should go home, hyung. You really look sick.”
“Yeah, I think I’ll head home after this.”
“Let’s go now.” Junmyeon waved over a waiter, taking out his wallet. “I’ll pay. And I’ll drive you home, Kyungsoo. I walked here, and you look too tired to drive.”
“I already told you--” One look from Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo shut his mouth. “Okay.”
“Are you sure you want to pay, hyung? I can pay for my food.”
Junmyeon smiled, reaching over to ruffle Jongin’s hair. “It’s fine, Jongin. You can foot the bill next time we eat lunch.”
Jongin made a face, starting to complain, but Kyungsoo couldn’t focus from the sudden sick feeling that struck him for a moment. When he came to Jongin was waving goodbye. Kyungsoo waved back, smiling weakly.
“You ate something bad, huh?” Junmyeon was watching him. Jongin had already left.
“That’s the only explanation for this.”
“You know there’s one more.”
“I’m not talking to you about this again.” Without looking to see that Junmyeon was following, Kyungsoo strode away. This time the feeling in his stomach wasn’t the need to throw up, but it still made him feel sick. Kyungsoo unlocked his car and opened the driver’s door, only to have Junmyeon stop him. Sending Junmyeon a smouldering look, Kyungsoo handed him the car keys and resignedly made his way to the passenger seat. “Can you turn on the AC? It’s hot.”
Junmyeon followed the instruction before merging onto the road. He turned off the radio.
Anticipating a lecture, Kyungsoo sat up. “I swear to god, if you bring it up again…”
“You can’t do anything to me. I’m driving.” Junmyeon sent him a cheeky grin, then sobered. “You lied to Jongin.”
Junmyeon was right. He’d told Jongin it was just a one-time thing, but in reality he’d been feeling sick for a couple of weeks now. “Yeah, so what?”
“Why’d you lie?”
“There’s no use worrying him. He gets stressed easily and he has other things to worry about.”
“Have you seen a doctor?” When there was no response, Junmyeon glanced over and sighed. “Kyungsoo, I know you’re stressed, but you should go see a professional about it. It could be something serious. Or…”
Kyungsoo’s voice was low in warning. “Don’t.”
“I’m just saying it’s a possibility. You know the pill isn’t a one hundred percent kind of deal.”
“I’m not fucking pregnant, Junmyeon.”
“Did you talk to Baekhyun about this?”
“Just leave it already!” When Junmyeon raised an eyebrow, Kyungsoo calmed his voice. “He knows I’m not getting a lot of sleep. He’s already worried enough as it is. And he has a lot of work on his plate, so there’s no point in telling him something that’ll bother him when it’s probably nothing.”
“Go to the doctor.”
“...Fine.” Junmyeon looked dubious. “I will.”
They were nearing the apartment. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feel relieved.
“If you don’t want to waste unnecessary money, use this first.”
Kyungsoo picked up the box Junmyeon had just tossed on his lap. “What the fuck.”
“Just try it. If you’re so sure, it shouldn’t be a problem to be extra sure, right? Come on, I bought it for you. Do you want to waste my money like that? I worked hard for it, you know.”
What a liar. If anyone had money to waste it was Junmyeon. This was just a shoddy attempt at guilt-tripping. Still, Kyungsoo hated wasting things. He scowled. “Fine. I’ll do it.” Maybe.
“Good. If you need anything, let me know. Any time.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“I’m serious.” They’d parked already. Junmyeon took the keys out of the ignition and passed it to Kyungsoo. “You should probably tell Baekhyun you’re taking the test. Just in case.”
He was right. But still. “I’m not going to.”
“I don’t know what you’re scared of. Baekhyun wouldn’t want you going through this alone. Besides, if it turns out you are-- if you are,” Junmyeon said when Kyungsoo opened his mouth, “then you’ll have to tell him anyway. And it’ll be worse to tell him later than now.”
Yeah, he was right. Kyungsoo hated that he was right. Or maybe he just hated the fact that he wasn’t going to listen even if he knew Junmyeon was right. “Yeah,” Kyungsoo lied anyway. “How are you getting home?”
“I’ll call a cab.” Kyungsoo hadn’t been the most discreet about changing the topic, but to Junmyeon’s credit he didn’t mention it.
“Alright. Thanks for driving me, Junmyeon.” Kyungsoo stepped out.
Junmyeon examined him one final time before seeming to relent. “Of course.”
With the elevator broken, Kyungsoo had to take an agonizing three flights of stairs to reach their floor, then walk all the way down the hallway and to the right to reach their apartment. By the end of it he was breathless. Seriously, he should have taken Jongin’s offer to workout together. He wanted to collapse.
The small box was still clutched in his right hand, a radiating point of stress. He loosened his hold only to transfer it to his left so he could open the door, slipping off his shoes after closing the door again.
He wasn’t pregnant. That was ridiculous. Even as an Omega, who was able to bear a child biologically, it still wasn’t as likely to happen to a man as it would to a woman, much less if the Omega in question was taking medication against pregnancy. Honestly, neither Baekhyun nor Kyungsoo had thought it would even be possible even without the pill. And although they did have talks of maybe adopting a child in the future, those were all hypothetical and even so meant for the very far future. They weren’t ready for a kid. Baekhyun was just finishing up his Masters and Kyungsoo was still getting used to his job as a chef in the restaurant he worked at. If he was pregnant, what would Baekhyun say? Junmyeon had said that he’d be supportive, but Kyungsoo wasn’t sure. A pregnancy would be unexpected. Completely off the plans. They were in the middle of saving money for a house, which Baekhyun really wanted, he’d wanted to move out of the apartment for forever now and a baby would just add to the expenses and they’d never be able to leave, and then Baekhyun would be upset and hate him and decide it wasn't for him and leave and Kyungsoo would be left alone with the baby and--
It was another moment before Kyungsoo caught himself, massaging his temple to escape the invading thoughts. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure how Baekhyun would react. But there was no way it would be good. Even Kyungsoo was freaking out, and he didn’t have the kind of big plans that Baekhyun did, not by a long shot. Sure, he had things to lose. But between the two of them the baby would ruin Baekhyun the most, at least that’s what Kyungsoo felt, going to their bedroom and stowing the pregnancy test in their drawer underneath his pile of socks where it couldn’t be seen. He stripped off his clothes and curled up in bed in only his underwear and a stray shirt Baekhyun had left crumpled on top of their dresser (a part of a growing reject pile during his early-morning outfit choosings.) He tried to sleep, but of course it was hard.
Junmyeon was annoying. Kyungsoo felt the irritation stir up again before he quieted it with reason, that Junmyeon was just worried like everyone else and wanted to make sure Kyungsoo was okay. Still, he was annoying. He’d caught Kyungsoo throwing up during one of their usual lunchtime meetings and, after that, caught on pretty fast that something was up. He’d said it before Kyungsoo had even considered it: that maybe he was pregnant. Since then he brought it up every time he saw Kyungsoo, if only to tell him that he should say something to Baekhyun or maybe go to a doctor.
The thing was, doing either of those things meant that he’d be accepting that him being pregnant was a possibility. So he'd done neither, only to end up with a box stuck in his sock drawer and lying under a billion covers with the AC blasting without Baekhyun to cuddle with.
Just the thought of Baekhyun’s absence made Kyungsoo surge with desire. The desire to get another blanket and warm up in it, for one. But mainly the desire to see Baekhyun again and have him hold him, which was a very out-of-the-blue feeling that he wasn’t used to. Yeah, he loved Baekhyun, but he was an independent kind of lover. He was fine on his own. He missed Baekhyun at times and wanted to see him, but he never felt a need the way he felt it now, utterly consuming to the point of near debilitation. The muffled whine that escaped his lips was involuntary and entirely unwelcome. Kyungsoo’s entire being was immediately taken by disgust, but he couldn’t bring himself to not need Baekhyun as much as he did. He was reaching for the phone before he could stop himself, and before he even knew what he was doing he was dialing his number.
Of course, Baekhyun answered right away. “Kyungsoo? What’s wrong?”
At the question, Kyungsoo felt himself panic. Then he realized Baekhyun was probably asking because it was unusual for him to call in the middle of the day when he was in class, and he relaxed a bit.
“Nothing. I just…” He paused, cringed. “When are you coming home?
“Uh… the usual time?" Kyungsoo almost wanted to laugh at how confused Baekhyun sounded. "You sure you’re okay? I can come home earlier if you want. Or later?”
When were people going to stop asking him if he was okay? “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Do you need me to come home earlier?”
“...I’m fine.”
There was no response for a moment. “I’m coming home earlier. You don’t have to cook anything; I’ll eat out. Are you craving something? I can buy you takeout.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Okay. I’ll see you soon, then. I love you.”
Kyungsoo felt that familiar ache in his temple, and suddenly the need for Baekhyun became that much stronger. He shoved the sensation away. “Drive safely.”
Baekhyun hesitated, but he hung up without another word. Kyungsoo held the phone a little longer before reaching over to put it on the nightstand and bury himself back in the sheets. Maybe he would sleep. That seemed like a good idea at the moment. With Baekhyun’s voice gone he felt a little colder, so he brought the blanket over his head and closed his eyes…
...Only to open them to Baekhyun crawling into bed beside him.
The room was dark; it must have been late at night. Although Baekhyun had said he’d be home early, he’d scheduled most of his classes to be on one day, so “early” really meant “sometime before seven.” He must’ve arrived home just now and, seeing Kyungsoo sleeping, got ready for bed without intending to wake him up. But Kyungsoo wasn’t a heavy sleeper. He shifted so that Baekhyun could navigate the three different comforters he was wrapped up in, shutting his eyes again.
“I’m home,” said Baekhyun softly, jolting a bit when Kyungsoo immediately sidled up against him. He laughed a little, but his tone was noticeably babying. “What’s with all the blankets? It’s the middle of summer. If you want I can lower the AC--”
Kyungsoo fisted his hand in Baekhyun’s shirt. He pushed his face against his chest and shook his head.
“Okay,” Baekhyun said. He caressed the back of his neck, gentle. “I’ll stay here. You feeling okay? I know you’ve been sick recently.”
“I’m alright.”
“Mm.” Baekhyun put his face in Kyungsoo’s hair, kissing his head. “You smell nice.”
So did Baekhyun, but then Baekhyun always smelled good, warm and familiar. Kyungsoo breathed in deeply and cuddled closer, eyes still closed.
“Are you about to go in heat?”
Kyungsoo froze. “What?”
“You’re nesting,” Baekhyun said.
What? Kyungsoo pulled away for a moment. He was. Shit, was he stupid? How hadn’t he realized…
He wasn’t near his heat. “It’s too early,” Kyungsoo said. But he didn’t do these things for no reason, and if it wasn’t his heat, then--
No. It couldn’t be. He didn’t know much, but from the meager sex education he’d gotten back in high school he didn’t remember nesting as a symptom of pregnancy. Piling a bunch of blankets and clothes on their bed had just been to ward off the AC, which was ridiculously high if Kyungsoo had any say in it, but he didn’t want to lower it. That would be yet another test he was afraid of failing, and he’d already had enough of those.
Baekhyun was running his hand over his hip, and his voice was so soothing that Kyungsoo nearly overlooked his next words. “I think you should go see the doctor. You haven’t been sleeping well lately. And you keep feeling nauseous. I don’t have class tomorrow, so I can drive you.”
“I-- it’s fine.”
“Nuh-uh.” Baekhyun shook his head. “That’s what you keep saying and it's worked the first five times but now it’s too much. We’re going to see a doctor tomorrow, okay?”
“I can drive myself.”
“And can I trust that you’ll actually do what you said you will and go to the doctor?”
Kyungsoo couldn’t lie to Baekhyun. To anyone else, maybe, but not to him. He didn’t answer.
“That’s what I thought.” Softly, “What are you worried about?”
“Nothing.”
“Babe.”
“I’m serious. Nothing.” Kyungsoo huffed, turning away from Baekhyun even though every cell in his body wanted nothing more than to attach themselves to him permanently. “I’m tired, Baekhyun. Let me sleep.”
This was more like him, to not be so needy and clingy. Baekhyun’s hesitation was shorter this time. “Good night.”
Kyungsoo hummed and fell into a dreamless slumber.
Kyungsoo hated the doctor’s office, not only because he’d had childhood nightmares every time he had to be given shots (four nurses were just barely enough to contain the desperation in his body,) but also because they were generally cold, empty, and filled with the pervading smell of antiseptics. He felt that familiar aversion the instant he stepped foot inside, even more when he rejected Baekhyun’s offer to come with him when the receptionist called his name. They did the usual checkups before his doctor entered the room, brow furrowed.
“Ryeowook.” The relief was probably palpable. Seeing his friend made things a little better, though he tried to clamp down on his anxiety at the briefly concerned expression that flitted across his features.
“Kyungsoo! It’s good to see you.” He gestured at Kyungsoo to take a seat. “I saw Baekhyun in the waiting room. You didn’t want him to come here?”
“No, he just came here to drive me. Having him oversee my checkup seems a bit much.” The unspoken thoughts were clear: although he was an Omega, he wasn’t a child and could handle himself just fine. Ryeowook himself was a Beta, but Kyungsoo still felt defensive anyway.
Ryeowook nodded. “You might want him here… are you sure?”
Kyungsoo felt his stomach churn. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay. Well, you said you’ve been feeling nauseous lately… want to tell me what you’ve been eating for the past few weeks?”
Easy. Kyungsoo rattled off his meals; maybe it was because he was a chef, but his average memory became unnaturally good when it came to food. Ryeowook took in the information and asked more questions, until finally he leaned back against the counter and said, “Have you been sexually active within the past month or so?”
Kyungsoo bristled. “What are you implying?”
“You know I’m only asking because I care about you. Also because I’m a doctor and your health is my wealth.” Ryeowook grinned.
“Isn’t my lack of health your wealth?”
He shrugged. “Same difference. Look, Kyungsoo. Because we’re friends, I’m going to skip the sweet talk. You can get a blood test and have it tested, or you can take a pregnancy test, but I think you should do either or. You might be pregnant, and it’s better to know earlier than later. We have pregnancy tests here, if you want to do it now. And Baekhyun--”
“I’m not telling him.”
“Right, and-- what?”
Kyungsoo put his face in his hands, not speaking for a moment. “I can’t tell him. I don’t want to tell him.”
“Kyungsoo…” He felt Ryeowook gently put a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay. You’re going to need to tell him anyway. You know he’d be supportive.”
Would he? Kyungsoo shook his head. “I’ll tell him if I have to.”
“Which would be…?”
“If the test comes out positive. That’s it. Can you keep this a secret? Please?”
“Hey. I’m your doctor. Confidentiality and trust is important, you know.”
Kyungsoo lifted his head to smile a little. “Thanks. I think I’ll take the test at home instead of here. I… I’m scared,” he admitted.
“It’s okay to be a little scared,” Ryeowook said. “I’m here for you if you need me. And you can call any time, of course. You’re not alone in this, alright?”
“Yeah.” Kyungsoo felt like throwing up again, but this time it wasn’t nausea. He stood. “Thanks, hyung. I guess I’ll be going now.”
“Good luck,” Ryeowook said.
God did he need it.
“So what did they say?” Baekhyun stood when he saw him, waving goodbye to the receptionist and the person he’d been sitting next to. He was the kind of person who managed to charm everyone, so Kyungsoo was unsurprised that he’d managed to make friends for the thirty minutes that he’d been alone.
“Nothing, these are just inter-heat symptoms.” Huh. So he could lie to Baekhyun. Whether or not it was convincing was another story; he avoided Baekhyun’s gaze. They made it to the car and he looked out the window, leaning his cheek against his palm. “Are you going out today?”
“I was going to go out to the arcade with Jongdae, Sehun, and Chanyeol, but I think I want to stay home instead.”
It was for him. Kyungsoo looked over. “No, just go. I’m feeling better. Ryeowook told me I should sleep in, so there’s no point in you staying.”
“Oh, Ryeowook’s in today?"
Kyungsoo nodded. “Anyway, go enjoy yourself. I’m just going to sleep.”
Was he insisting too much? He knew Baekhyun was examining him out of the corner of his eye, suspicious. “Okay. I’ll drop you off, then?”
“Sounds good.” He only barely managed to stop the reflexive sigh of relief. “Thanks for driving me, Baekhyun.”
“Of course. Anything for you.”
Somehow the statement only served to further his anxiety, but Kyungsoo ignored it. When they got home they exchanged a quick kiss (the only thing Kyungsoo could stomach, if he was being honest,) and Kyungsoo was left to his own devices. He took his time changing, even cooked food for lunch despite the fact that Baekhyun wasn’t there to share the meal with, and cleaned up the bedroom. Only when there was nothing left to do did he go to the drawer and dig out the box, slightly concave from his tight grip before. This was crazy. And it hadn’t quite sunken in, that there was even a sliver of a chance that the test could come out positive, despite the fact that his own doctor had said that might be the case. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe it was something else, and things would be fine, and he could throw out the box and its contents and never think about it again.
But he had a bad feeling. And usually that wasn’t a good sign.
After taking a couple of minutes to gather his courage, Kyungsoo went to the bathroom and opened the box, turning it on its side to read the instructions. Simple enough to follow, but that only stressed him out more. He took the test and waited, pacing around the room. He shouldn’t have done this alone. He should have called someone -- his brother, maybe -- instead of going through the agonizing wait for the test to finish. But at the same time he didn’t want anyone to see him like this. Anxious and scared. As much as he hated it, he hated the thought of someone witnessing this even more.
An agonizing five minutes later, he picked up the test with a weak grip. The instant he saw the results, the world crashed down around him.
Two lines. He couldn’t even react before another wave of nausea hit him and he stood over the sink, dry heaving.
“Fuck,” said Kyungsoo, leaning his forehead against the glass and taking in a deep, shuddering breath. “Fuck, I’m pregnant.”
His eyes were watering, and although he wanted to blame it on the motions of throwing up he couldn’t be sure it wasn’t because this was everything he didn’t want; the exact thing he was afraid of. Already his mind was running over the possibilities, asking what Baekhyun would say and how he would react if he told him. “If.” As if he had a choice. Kyungsoo laughed humorlessly, then louder again until he was certain he was going insane. He didn’t want to tell anyone. But at the same time he wanted to tell someone before he had to break the news to Baekhyun. Like a practice run, maybe. Or maybe more like a desperate askance for comfort. Something to stave off the anxiety wrapping itself around his chest, constricting his breath.
Instantly his mind went to Junmyeon. Out of everyone, it would make the most sense to contact him first. He was the one who called it, after all. Kyungsoo hated it, but he went to the bathroom still holding the pregnancy test and texted Junmyeon, You were right.
It was barely a minute later when his phone rang in his hand, making him jump.
“You did it?”
“Yeah.” Kyungsoo coughed, wincing at the roughness of his voice. “I’m sorry to say this, but fuck you hyung.”
“It’s hard for me to be offended. I’m coming over to pick you up. You’re not allowed to be alone right now.”
Above all else, Kyungsoo was grateful, but it felt out of character for him to be thanking him now. “Why pick me up? Just stay here.”
“I have to leave soon. Minseok’s home and he doesn’t want to leave the kitten alone.”
Right. Minseok and Jongdae’s apartment didn’t allow for pets, but Minseok had found a cat and refused to let it go. Thus, Junmyeon and Sehun took it upon themselves to house the cat, with Minseok being a frequent visitor. Kyungsoo sat on his bed, looking at the stick. “Where’s Sehun?”
“Baekhyun didn’t tell you? He went to the arcade with him and Chanyeol.”
Kyungsoo tried to remember. Baekhyun did mention the arcade, but he couldn’t recall hearing Sehun’s name. Whatever. “Did you tell Minseok?”
“...I didn’t. I was planning on just saying you’re not feeling well or something, so you could tell him yourself if you wanted to.”
“Thanks,” Kyungsoo said. He felt his throat constrict, his eyes warming. Then he was whining, pathetic and plaintive. “Junmyeon, I don’t know what to do. I can’t have a baby. I can’t. I can’t--”
“Take deep breaths, first of all. It’s going to be okay. Freaking out isn’t going to do you any good.”
“But Junmyeon…”
“No, shush.” His voice became soothing. “We’ll take it one step at a time. Don’t think too far ahead. Just focus on right now. Have you eaten anything?”
“I cooked, but no.”
“Think you can stomach mashed potatoes? We have some at the apartment, and you should eat something. Drink some water, too. I’m almost at your place so I’ll be heading up there soon.”
“Don’t bother. I’ll just come down now.” Kyungsoo rubbed his eyes, then stood and pocketed the test. “I really want to see Minseok.”
“What, and not me?” Junmyeon’s voice was teasing, and for once Kyungsoo could appreciate it.
“Of course not you.” He was locking the door now. Heading down the hallway he said, after a moment of quiet, “Thank you, hyung.”
He wasn’t sure he could say it in person. The notion of seeing Junmyeon’s reaction as he did would be enough to stop him. But he wanted to say it sincerely.
He could hear Junmyeon’s smile as he spoke. “Didn’t I tell you you don’t have to call me hyung?”
“Yeah, yeah.” That was one of the good things about Junmyeon. He knew when to be serious and when to lighten the mood. It was one of the reasons that, despite all the teasing they did to each other, Kyungsoo felt so comfortable with him.
He made it to Junmyeon’s car and they rode the rest of the way in relative silence, Kyungsoo staring out the window like it would be enough of a distraction from the prevalent bump in his pocket. It wasn’t, if the way he was nibbling on his nails was any sort of indication. A nervous habit. When he caught himself he put his hands underneath his thighs, biting his lip instead. Baekhyun would notice if he chewed his nails and know something was up, and Kyungsoo didn’t want to take that risk.
Once they’d made it to Junmyeon’s apartment building they took the elevator (thank god) to the second floor. Then Junmyeon handed him the keys.
Kyungsoo stared at him, wide-eyed. “What?”
“I told you I have to go.”
“You said later.”
“I said soon, and it’s for work so I can’t do anything about it.” Junmyeon gave him a supportive look. “You’ll be okay. Minseok’s in there. He’ll take care of you.”
“Yeah, but…”
“I’m going to be late. I have to go. But Kyungsoo, you’ll be okay. I promise. Everything will work out.” Junmyeon leaned over and hugged him, and as much as Kyungsoo wanted to protest he actually didn’t want to, closing his eyes against Junmyeon’s scent and hugging him back. “I’ll see you later. Don’t stress.” One last squeeze and he was gone, Kyungsoo standing in front of the door only slightly about to freak out.
After a moment he slotted in the key and opened the door.
Minseok’s voice followed from the couch. “Junmyeon? You’re back already?”
“It’s me,” Kyungsoo said meekly. He bent down to slip off his shoes. When he stood again, there was Minseok, holding a little gray kitten in his arms.
Kyungsoo hadn’t been lying when he'd said he wanted to see Minseok. Minseok was probably one of the most comforting people in existence, and Kyungsoo never felt more at ease than when he was with him. Welcoming and kind, Minseok was easily someone Kyungsoo considered a brother. And, being the only Omega aside from Jongin in their friend group, Kyungsoo felt less alone with Minseok. He was probably the most Omega-looking Alpha Kyungsoo had ever seen. Soft features, short stature, he didn’t quite have the body shape of an Alpha, strangely enough. Then again, maybe that was just proof of consistency, because Minseok was also the youngest-looking despite being the eldest of their friend group. The definition of contradiction; that was what he was. And Kyungsoo found it comforting, somehow.
Minseok took in his appearance then seemed to pause, doing a double-take. Somehow Kyungsoo felt like he was being analyzed, and he shifted a little in his spot. Finally, Minseok pet the head of the cat and said, “Do you wanna hold Tan?”
Blinking, Kyungsoo came over and Minseok passed him the kitten, nodding for him to sit on the couch. Kyungsoo sat and started petting Tan, slightly pleased when the cat purred in his arms.
“Are you hungry? I can make you something.”
Funny thing to offer a chef. Kyungsoo shook his head, then rethought it. “Junmyeon said you have mashed potatoes.”
“Oh, sure. I’ll heat it up. Is that really all you want?”
“I’m feeling a little sick.”
“Junmyeon said you kept feeling nauseous?” He looked worried. Kyungsoo was starting to get used to the expression.
“Yeah. I must have…” eaten something bad, but somehow Kyungsoo ended up blurting instead, “I’m pregnant,” and Minseok nearly dropped the bowl of mashed potatoes.
“What?? Seriously?? Congratulations! Baekhyun must be--” Minseok cut himself off, noticing Kyungsoo’s expression. “What’s wrong?”
He felt like crying again. “I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. Baekhyun’s going to be so upset.”
“Oh, no, why would he be upset? Don’t cry. Do you want some mashed potatoes? Or-- wait, I should heat it up--”
Kyungsoo laughed, wiping his eyes. Tan reached up to paw at his hands. “This is probably really shocking for you too.”
“Well…” Minseok hesitated, and Kyungsoo looked at him. “I mean, I kind of guessed something was up when you walked in. You smell kind of…”
“What?” Kyungsoo sniffed his shirt, but couldn’t smell anything. Then he got it. “I’m emitting a smell? Fuck, what if Baekhyun noticed--”
“You haven’t told Baekhyun??”
“No!”
“That’s why you said he’d be upset. Don’t worry. The smell is kind of subtle? It’s a really sweet scent. Maybe you can just chalk it up to a new cologne or something.”
“That definitely wouldn’t work. I don’t use cologne. And Baekhyun probably doesn’t have a sweet smelling perfume, fuck, hyung, what do I do?”
Minseok took the mashed potatoes out of the microwave, plucking a spoon from the drying rack and coming over. He and Kyungsoo traded respective things and Kyungsoo took a desperate spoonful of potassium. There was too much salt. He made a face but took another spoonful anyway.
“Why don’t you want to tell Baekhyun?”
So many reasons. “We aren’t ready for a baby. We wanted to move out of the apartment and buy a house, maybe get married before settling, I don’t know, and he hasn’t even finished his masters yet. We’re just going to be financially fucked and it’s too early for a baby.”
“Those are all reasons why you can’t afford to have a kid but those aren’t reasons why you don’t want to tell Baekhyun.”
“Because,” Kyungsoo said, “he’s going to be upset.”
Minseok’s expression softened. “Kyungsoo, he’s not. He loves you. He’s willing to work through anything with you.”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. Can you even picture Baekhyun yelling at you because of this?”
“I’m not scared of him yelling,” Kyungsoo huffed, eating more mashed potatoes. Minseok watched him for a moment.
“Okay, then can you even picture him being upset over this? Or blaming you? Or whatever you’re scared of?”
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure. He didn’t really want to try. But with the bare minimum effort he couldn’t, so he shook his head.
“Exactly. You can’t imagine it because he wouldn’t. Just tell him the truth and he’ll try to support you any way he can.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Isn’t it?”
They stared at each other. After a moment Kyungsoo looked down at his bowl. “Today?”
“Yes, today.”
“He’s coming home late.”
“It’s just the arcade. You’ll be awake.”
“He’s got a lot on his plate.”
“So do you.”
“I’m scared.”
The mashed potatoes were warm in his hands. He was already almost done. Kyungsoo lifted his hand to grab the spoon he’d stuck in the remaining mashed potatoes, but before he could Minseok leaned over and hugged him. Tan meowed in Minseok’s lap.
“It’s okay, Kyungsoo.”
The scent of an Alpha enveloped him. Although it wasn’t Baekhyun he felt comforted. “I’m really scared.”
“I know.” Minseok rubbed his back. “It’s scary.”
Kyungsoo closed his eyes. His body felt heavy, like it was covered in weights. He felt exhausted.
Minseok was in the middle of saying, “I promise it will all work out…” when Kyungsoo fell asleep.
“...Must’ve been so tired. He just fell asleep without warning.”
“Yeah, he hasn’t been getting much sleep lately. Thanks for taking care of him, Minseok.”
“Of course. Make sure you take care of him too.”
“I will.”
Kyungsoo shifted in Baekhyun’s arms, eyes still closed against the flickering hallway lights. He reached up and wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s neck, nosing against his skin and frowning at the stiff scent of anger as Baekhyun adjusted to hold him better.
“Are you awake? You were knocked out when I picked you up from the couch.”
He was still angry. Why was he angry? Even though it didn’t show in his voice Kyungsoo could tell, not answering and instead tightening his grip in an attempt at diminishing the scent. Every scent of Baekhyun’s smelled good, except this one. Kyungsoo hated this one.
“Do you want to tell me why you went to Sehun’s place instead of staying at home and sleeping like you said you would?”
Kyungsoo pushed his nose against Baekhyun’s neck just where his scent gland was, eyes still closed. He felt like he was in a trance, just focused on eradicating the nasty smell, or maybe just on having Baekhyun’s smell on him, who knew, he just knew that he didn’t want to answer angry Baekhyun when he could be held gently instead.
“You should have told me you weren’t feeling well,” Baekhyun said. “You shouldn’t have to go to our friends for help when I’m right here.”
They were in the parking lot. Kyungsoo felt Baekhyun maneuver to unlock the car, opening the door. He put Kyungsoo down, supporting his head while he buckled his seatbelt. When he closed the door Kyungsoo leaned his head against it, dozing off again. Even the sound of Baekhyun sitting in the driver’s seat and starting the car wasn’t enough to entice him to open his eyes.
Baekhyun turned off the radio and drove in silence. The quiet was tense, but to Kyungsoo’s relief he could feel the anger ebbing.
He was just starting to open his eyes when they arrived home. Baekhyun opened his door and saw him waking, but when Kyungsoo didn’t get out on his own and just held out his arms he sighed and picked him up like earlier. “You’re not getting a pass just because of this,” Baekhyun murmured. But the warning was lost in the caring undertone. “I’m definitely interrogating you tomorrow.”
Kyungsoo couldn’t manage to feel stressed when he was just about to fall asleep again, so he didn’t. He just slept.
The next morning Kyungsoo woke up curled in Baekhyun’s hold, his own hands pressed between them and one of Baekhyun’s resting on the side of his face, thumb caressing his cheek. It took only a moment for him to be struck with panic, realizing Baekhyun had changed him while he was out. That meant…
“Shh… it’s okay. You just woke up. We’re home.”
He wasn’t acting any different, considering the circumstances. Maybe he hadn’t seen anything and had thrown his pants into the hamper without noticing its contents. Kyungsoo tried to steady his heart. Baekhyun could smell his emotions just as well as Kyungsoo could smell his, and he was certain he was radiating stress. “Did you bring me home?”
“Yeah. You don’t remember? Then again, you were really cuddly so I guess you weren’t really sober then.”
“I’m sorry. I was really tired.”
“I bet you were.” Baekhyun’s hand traveled from his cheek to his shoulder to his side, rubbing there. “I heard you fell asleep while Minseok was talking.”
Kyungsoo couldn’t bring himself to laugh. He felt sick again. “...Aren’t you going to ask why I went there?”
“I don’t have to.” Baekhyun got up a bit, leaning over Kyungsoo to pick something up. “Isn’t it because of this?”
Kyungsoo felt his heart stop. Baekhyun was holding it. The pregnancy test.
Instantly, he felt lightheaded. He shut his eyes for a moment to combat it, and when he opened them again he found that they were swimming. “I’m sorry, Baekhyun. I was going to tell you, I swear. I didn’t mean to hide it from you. I just learned about it yesterday and I was scared and that’s why I went to Junmyeon’s apartment. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. Please don’t hate me.”
“I’m not mad. I could never hate you. Kyungsoo, please don’t cry.” Baekhyun put his hand on the back of his head and pulled him to his chest, rubbing his back. “I knew something was up. You smelled wayy too good for it to just be the new shampoo you bought.” Baekhyun moved back a bit to look at him. He smiled, poking Kyungsoo’s cheek. “Smile? For me?”
Kyungsoo shook his head and hid in Baekhyun’s chest again. “Baekhyun, I’m pregnant.”
“I know that already, silly.”
“Don’t call me silly.”
“Okay. Silly.” Kyungsoo pulled back just to frown at Baekhyun but he just laughed. “Baby,” Baekhyun said. “Sweetie. Honey. Kyungja.”
He was teasing him. He knew Kyungsoo felt weird about using pet names beyond the basics, but he also knew Kyungsoo wouldn’t do anything to reject them, especially not now. It was unfair. He was attacking when he knew Kyungsoo was vulnerable. Kyungsoo met his gaze but looked away after a moment, throat constricting. “I’m sorry.”
“For what? Didn't we do this together?" He put a hand on Kyungsoo’s stomach gently, like it would break if he did anything more. “We made something here.”
“Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo said, but he continued.
“It’s going to be hard. I won’t lie to you. We aren’t out of the apartment yet, I haven’t finished my degree yet. It’s going to be tough. But I love you.” Baekhyun smiled, eyes warm. “I’m so in love. And I know it’s crazy, this whole thing is crazy and maybe we’re so unprepared right now but we’re going to have a baby and I just can’t believe it. I want this. I really, really want this.”
Kyungsoo couldn’t say anything for a moment. It was like everything he’d been worried about was collapsing, so that now he could feel what was left. He wanted this too. He was fucking terrified, that was for sure, but he wanted this unlike anything he’d ever wanted before. Except, maybe, the way he wanted Baekhyun.
“I’m scared,” Kyungsoo said. Just to be sure. Just because he knew what he needed to hear.
Baekhyun knew it too. “I know. So am I.” He leaned in and Kyungsoo closed his eyes to feel him press a kiss to his forehead, just a touch that was sweet and lingering. “But I know we can do it. I won’t let you go through this alone. I want to do this together.”
Kyungsoo brought his arms up and around Baekhyun’s neck, holding him close. Together. He liked the sound of that.