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Lee Felix was, to put it concisely, the most beautiful creature that had ever been bestowed upon this cruel, undeserving Earth.
It wasn’t just Changbin being gay. He shared these sentiments with Felix’s adoring gaggle of groupies who trailed after him anywhere he went, hanging off his every word like it was coming from the lips of the Messiah and worshipping the very ground he walked on.
Usually, Changbin was contemptuous of the social stereotype which commanded such admiration, but for Felix, he could make an exception. Lee Felix was simply a beautiful human being, and Changbin admired beautiful things.
(He had also read The Fault in Our Stars when he’d seen Felix curled up with the book one day in the corner of the university library.)
(He had cried himself to sleep that night.)
(Not that he’d ever admit it.)
It wasn’t just the fact that he had gorgeous brown eyes that seemed to shine with all that was good in the world, or his fluffy strawberry-blond hair which made him look like he stepped out of the Pantheon no matter how he styled it. It was the fact that Lee Felix was just so fucking perfect- he was sweet and charming and humble and had an amazing sense of humor and an aura of quiet confidence around him which Changbin simultaneously admired and also felt rather jealous about.
Changbin didn’t know how often he’d spent gazing at the pretty boy as he loitered about with his friends between classes on the campus grounds, playing footie or just sitting around and chatting. Of course, Felix, being perfect, had loads of people who called themselves his friends, and since he was so nice, he accepted them with no qualms; but there were four boys who were almost always by his side.
All five of them looked like a very happy bunch- the ringleader was an elfin boy, Han Jisung, who was in Changbin’s Music Theory class and always got in hot water with the professor for dozing off; there was Kim Seungmin, the brilliant Bio major who hid his sarcasm and savageness behind sweater paws and flower crowns and the sweetest smile you ever did see; his boyfriend Hwang Hyunjin, who Changbin might’ve fallen in love with at the campus dance showcase if Felix hadn’t spun to the front at that very moment and stolen his poor dead heart; Yang Jeongin, who did Literature and carried around three hefty books Changbin suspected he used more to hit people with than actually read; and Felix himself, who did Bio too. Changbin thought he’d make a very good doctor someday.
Changbin didn’t have any friends of his own. There were plenty of people who tried to get him to talk, but none of them held his interest for too long. The only people who looked vaguely interesting enough for him to consider as potential friends were Bang Chan from his Music Theory class, but he always looked too sleep deprived and Changbin knew he would feel bad for bothering him- and Lee Minho from his Math class, but the senior hissed at anyone who came near him and had animated conversations with stray cats. The only thing they had in common was staring for an unhealthy amount of time at someone, in Minho’s case Jisung, and Changbin doubted that could be the basis for a healthy conversation starter (“Hey, so I see you like to stare at cute sophomores. Same. Wanna go out for coffee sometime, talk about our respective stalkees?”).
Which was why he believed himself completely alone on Saturday evening as he skateboarded around the park, listening to his favorite My Chemical Romance album (he still wasn’t over his 2000’s teenage scene phase) as he skidded along the concrete, occasionally using his foot to propel himself forward.
Which was also why he nearly had a heart attack when he saw a ghostly white apparition standing at the top of the ramp. He swerved as he struggled to maintain his balance, but gravity won the battle and he plummeted towards the ground, scraping his elbow against the concrete.
“Shit, I’m so sorry!” He heard somebody’s frantic voice getting nearer and nearer to him, and suddenly, somebody gripped him under his arms and straightened him up.
He opened his mouth, ready to shoot curse after curse at whoever it was, but all the swears died in his throat when his eyes were met with a face he’d been trying to perfect in his drawings for the last two years.
“Are you okay?” Lee Felix ran a hand through his artfully messy hair. He was wearing a white long-sleeved Henley, which was obviously what caused him to look like Samara from The Ring.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Changbin blurted out before he could stop himself. He cringed afterwards- those were certainly not the first words he imagined saying to his crush.
(He’d imagined a scenario where he’d walk up all suave and confident to the younger boy and ask him out for fro-yo, but that scenario had also involved a Changbin tall enough to look Felix in the eye, so that was never going to happen anyway.)
“Oh, well, I,” Felix stammered, his cheeks flushing crimson. “I was, um, watching you.”
Changbin stared at him.
“I didn’t mean to sound so stalkerish, honest!” Felix widened his eyes. “Like- I wasn’t like, watching watching you, more like- like watching you.”
Changbin blinked.
Felix sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. It was a nervous tic of his Changbin had picked up on ages ago. That, and fiddling with his thumbs- also which he was doing.
Changbin wasn’t a creep. He was just observant. Never mind the fact that he could probably write a book about Lee Felix’s tics.
“You’re really good on that skateboard, hyung,” Felix said suddenly.
Changbin glanced at his faithful skateboard that he’d had since he was twelve. He said nothing.
Felix cleared his throat. “I was, um, wondering if you could, like, I don’t know, teach me?”
Changbin whipped his head around so fast his neck cricked painfully. “You?” He sounded a little more disbelieving than he intended to. Felix was practically Bambi on ice on solid ground; he’d be crawling on his hands and knees if he ever tried to skateboard. The only time he ever seemed to be in full control of his limbs was when he was dancing; once, after delivering a haunting choreography to Blood, Sweat and Tears at a showcase, he’d tripped and fallen right off the stage and broken his wrist.
Felix smiled shyly. “Yeah. I just- it looks so cool and badass, y’know?”
Changbin raised an eyebrow without moving any other inch of his face- a skill he’d perfected through long years of being a sarcastic asshole.
“Fine,” Felix sighed. “There’s this girl-”
Of course there is, Changbin thought bitterly, and all his previous elation ebbed away.
“- and, I don’t know, she said she thought I was too much of a square and that she preferred bad boys- and, well, I thought you could help me since you’re so...” Felix paused as he thought of an inoffensive adjective.
“Bad?” Changbin offered.
Felix widened his eyes again. “Not bad in a bad way, but, like-” He hung his head. Pretty blond strands dangled in front of his prettier face. Changbin was very, very gay. “You’re just so frikkin’ cool and badass. So I was wondering if you’d help me.”
Changbin stared at him for a long moment. “You shouldn’t change who you are for anyone, you know.”
Felix sighed and squared his shoulders. “I know, but...” He trailed off, looking at Changbin hopefully with those bright brown eyes he didn’t think he’d ever be able to resist.
“Fine.” As if he could ever refuse when Felix looked at him like that. “Meet me here at five tomorrow afternoon.”
. . .
Blades of grass in strong winds had more balance than Lee Felix on a skateboard.
It was the twelfth time that Felix had fallen flat on his arse in the span of half an hour. The one time he had managed to stay upright for more than a minute, he was so surprised that he promptly fell over again.
Changbin couldn’t help but smile, though- Felix was wearing a helmet, knee-guards and elbow-guards, looking like an overgrown toddler. He was biting his pink tongue between his teeth as he slowly kicked the ground and propelled himself forward an inch or so.
“Do I look cool and badass yet?” Felix yelled hopefully.
He was wearing fucking Spongebob pants.
Changbin lied through his teeth. “Yeah.” Felix gave him a smile so wide he was glad he did.
He jogged to keep up with the taller boy, who was holding his arms out like the fucking statue of Christ in Rio de Janeiro as he kicked himself forward. He suddenly turned to Changbin and smiled at him brightly, making his breath catch in his throat just a little.
“So, Changbin-ssi,” Felix said jovially. “Tell me about yourself.”
Changbin glanced at him out of the corner of his eye warily. “What d’you want to know?” Please don’t make this gay, please don’t make this gay-
Felix scrunched up his face. “Hm.” He hummed, tapping his chin. He nearly fell off, but Changbin caught him just in time. “Oh, thank you. Favorite color, or if you’re like me, colors; favorite books; your pet or pets, if you have any; your family; fetishes...?” Felix wiggled his eyebrows after saying the last word, and fell over again.
Changbin smirked as he helped him to stand up. “Fetishes, eh?”
Felix bit his lower lip, and Changbin had to hurriedly avert his gaze. “Yeah. Knee-length socks, anime cosplaying, feet-”
Changbin laughed, pushing him. He hadn't meant for it to be a particularly hard push, but Felix had been caught unawares, and his hands latched onto the nearest thing they could find- which happened to be Changbin.
Both of them toppled over onto the ground, Changbin landing on Felix with a thud.
When Changbin opened his eyes, he saw Felix’s dark irises staring intently back at his own. He was suddenly aware that their bodies were lying flush together and that Felix still hadn’t let go of him. Feeling the crimson creeping up on his cheeks, he hurriedly straightened himself up.
Goddammit, he made it gay.
“Tomorrow, same time,” he mumbled, before taking his skateboard and leaving.
. . .
After a week of regular practice sessions, Changbin came to the conclusion that Lee Felix simply wasn’t meant to be on a skateboard.
(Of course, he had quite a few suggestions as to where Felix could be on instead, but he didn’t think it would be acceptable to say them out loud.)
There was no improvement at all. Felix remained as horrible as ever, but he was still determined to master the art somehow.
He’d asked Changbin to ‘badassify’ him, but when Changbin had taken him into Hot Topic, Felix couldn’t find anything to his taste. Despite Changbin knowing that this was because of the fact that Felix was about as emo as he was a sparkling pedophilic immortal vampire, he bit his tongue.
So Felix had taken to donning a couple of Changbin’s clothes- a leather jacket, his ripped skinny jeans and band t-shirts paired with combat boots (the boots hid the fact that Changbin’s jeans barely reached Felix’s ankles). The first day he’d set foot in uni wearing his new style, everybody had stared at him as he walked past (Changbin by his side the whole time because despite Felix’s swaggering gait, he had been extremely insecure about his new fashion statement).
But even though Felix pulled off the whole ‘biker-boy’ look quite well (horrifyingly so. Changbin’s dreams involved Felix riding up on a Harley Davidson too many times- and then riding something else), it wasn’t him. He’d observed Felix long enough to know that he was all cable-knit sweaters and corduroys and not at all what he was wearing now.
Changbin found himself alone once more at the skatepark that day, and despite his earlier certainty that he needed no one, there was something missing without the constant flow of chatter he'd grown accustomed to over the last few weeks.
He looked up as he was about to ascend the ramp. Somebody was standing there. This time, when he was about to topple over, he tucked his arms into his chest to avoid them being scraped and braced himself for the impact...
... Which never came.
He gingerly opened his eyes and saw Lee Felix looking at him, his arms wrapped around Changbin’s waist. He’d taken off his- well, technically Changbin’s- leather jacket, and was now only in the Sleeping With Sirens band tee he’d lent him. His eyebrows were furrowed, making him look unfairly gorgeous.
“Hey.” Changbin right ended himself before it got too gay. “What’re you doing here? How’d things go with Ryujin?”
Felix was quiet for so long that Changbin got a little worried.
He sighed at last, running his hand through his gel-slicked hair (Felix’s forehead made angels weep). “Well... I mean, she liked the whole look I had going on, but...” He shrugged. “I was over her.”
“Oh?” He refused to get his hopes up- maybe Felix had met a nice hipster girl who wore large owl-rimmed glasses and memorized Jane Austen and listened to Hozier, and had decided to go back to his roots.
“Yeah.” He shrugged again. For some reason, he wasn’t meeting Changbin’s eyes. “I just... You were right. I don’t want someone who likes me for who I’m not.”
And much to Changbin’s mingled terror and desire, he pulled his shirt over his head.
WHY DOES HE KEEP MAKING THIS GAY.
Felix sighed, shaking his messy hair. Oh sweet mother of Lord, he had a six pack. “That thing was too tight.” He flung the shirt back back into Changbin’s arms. “But thanks. So anyway, I told her that I wasn’t interested anymore. But I guess we both have something in common.”
Changbin looked up. “What’s that?”
Felix gave him the ghost of a smile. “We’re both quite into bad boys,” he replied, and kissed him.