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Vanya gulped as she nervously rang the academy’s doorbell. Pogo had told her when she’d called that her father was in his study, but Vanya was still afraid. Even being in the mansion was traumatic enough. This was why she never came back.
The grand door flew open. “Miss Vanya.” Pogo greeted her kindly, a small grin across his face. Vanya smiled in return, and anxiously shuffled over the threshold. It still smelled the same, still looked almost the same - although now slightly run down. It had only been a few years since she’d left, Vanya hadn’t expected its standards to drop - even if just a little.
“Do you think it looks like him?” Vanya coyly asked Pogo, staring up at the portrait of her missing brother. She thought it did resemble Five, yet didn’t at the same time. He didn’t look smug enough. Vanya liked Five’s smugness.
Pogo peered up at the painting wistfully, much the same as Vanya. “Somewhat...” he muttered, no doubt not wanting to imply he thought his master had hired a substandard artist.
Glancing over towards the stairs, Vanya mumbled “I’m gonna go up now.” before turning back to grant Pogo a halfhearted smirk. The chimp nodded in return. Vanya made her way towards their bedrooms, walking slowly and almost silently. She didn’t dare to make a noise within these walls, even after years of absence. Vanya wasn’t to be seen or heard, she had simply been an unimpressive part of the furniture.
Entering the hallway where the rooms of most of the children belonged, she felt a deep twang of grief. Five wasn’t here, and neither was Ben. Vanya hoped Five’s absence wouldn’t be quite so permanent as Ben’s. The hallway seemed so quiet now, the silence was deafening - just the creaks of an ageing house. As she approached her old bedroom, she stopped dead in her tracks. It was... it was gone? It had barely been the size of a closet anyway, but at least it existed... the wall had been torn down to make her brother’s room larger.
Why did Klaus do this? His room had already been large enough. When did he do this? He’d moved out before even she had. Had he returned? She’d seen him a fair few times since they moved out, yet he’d neglected to mention that he’d destroyed her bedroom. Vanya reached into her purse, and grabbed her bottle of pills. Slipping one out onto her hand, she tried to wash her feelings of resentment along with it. Nobody could ever understand her brother’s actions, there was no point in her even trying to work out why he did this. She sighed and ambled towards the staircase that lead to Five’s old room.
The stairs were creakier than they had been the last time she used them, she supposed it had been years of them never being used. Why had dad ever put Five on another floor? She could never understand it. A bitter part of her felt it was just her father’s way of separating Vanya from her favorite sibling - but she knew that was irrational thinking.
Today was always so difficult for Vanya, as was the anniversary of Ben’s death. The anniversary of Five’s disappearance was harder for her to accept though, as it still held such great uncertainty. Would he ever return? She tentatively opened his door, and ambled into his old room. You wouldn’t know it was old though, if no one had told you. Mom must still keep it clean, there were no cobwebs or layers of dust. Slumping down to sit on the edge of her brother’s bed, Vanya looked around at the decoration. She felt envious of his room, even after so many years. Hers when it still existed had been so tiny, and she’d never been granted a single piece of decor. Even the walls weren’t papered.
It all looked so childish, which was jarring as Five had never seemed like a child. He had always seemed so mature, and because he’d left before they’d actually matured, he’d remained that way in her memory. But he had, he’d been a child. Vanya wondered how immature she’d find him now, if she were to meet him how he had been the day he left.
Once she was confident her medication had kicked in enough to stop her from sobbing, Vanya braced herself to speak. She knew it was nonsensical, he would never hear her - but it was comforting regardless. “I miss you.” she whispered, fiddling with her sleeve to distract herself from the ever growing well in her stomach. “I’m sorry I stopped waiting for you...” she closed her eyes gently, holding back her emotions. “I hope you’ll come back one day.” Vanya reopened her eyes, a silly voice in the back of her mind telling her he’d be there when they opened. He wasn’t, of course. “I hope you’re safe.” she mumbled.
“Klaus says you’re not dead, but he wouldn’t really be able to tell anymore...” she bit down on her lip. Vanya always forced herself to believe him, she wanted to believe Five was alive. That he’d ran away to a much better life, a life where he could be happy and loved like he deserved. It was hard to believe, but she hoped that was just because she was so pessimistic. The thought of him being alive, but actually in a worse off place than the one he left seemed much more realistic. It made her feel nauseous to even think it, but she would rather he be dead than suffering. “I love you...” emotion was seeping through her voice like water through a colander. Vanya wiped a single tear from her cheek with her oversized sleeve. He would come back one day, he had to, right?