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Nagi watched Isagi hunched over the layout of parchment on the wooden table, his calculative gaze partially hidden by his hair. Nagi wondered how Isagi could even see with those bangs covering his eyes. Then again, Isagi was probably just strategizing and wasn’t actually looking at the maps.
With silent steps, Nagi walked up to Isagi’s side and gently grabbed hold a fistful of Isagi’s bangs. He lifted his hand slightly.
Isagi followed the movement with a questioning noise. Those mesmerizing, piercing eyes were looking straight at Nagi. Isagi didn’t look angry but he did ask with an annoyed voice, “What?”
“Just helping you to see.”
Isagi immediately caught on. He deadpanned to Nagi, “I’m not cutting my hair.”
“You should.”
“I’m not taking advice from someone who has a lock of hair just falling in the middle of his face.”
“That’s just the way my hair is.”
Isagi scoffed as he lightly slapped Nagi’s hand away from his hair, “Same here. Now stop distracting me.”
Nagi stayed where he was. He watched as Isagi moved the maps and procured a box of wooden pieces to plan out his attack. Isagi saw something that no soldier did, Isagi saw all the possibilities on the battlefield. It was a skill that Nagi highly respected and so did everyone else.
Chigiri was the first one who realized Isagi’s talent. And when Nagi saw it for himself, they pulled Isagi up in ranks. And with each victory, with each beaming smile, Nagi found himself drawn to the light that Isagi emitted; the Isagi who was ruthless on the battleground and the Isagi who smiled kindly when they were resting at camps.
As Isagi placed the wooden pieces across the maps, Nagi continued to stare at Isagi. He had come to appreciate these quiet moments with Isagi. This was the ‘intermittent’ Isagi, the serious mastermind.
“Stop staring at me, it’s weird.”
Nagi would if he could.
“And stop monologuing in your head. If you’re gonna stand there, might as well help me figure this one out.”
“You don’t usually need my help.”
Isagi smiled knowingly. “No but it’s better than you hovering.”
So Nagi casually leaned in towards Isagi’s space, and listened to Isagi’s elaborate plans.
They were both strapping their armor when Isagi said, “This one’s a big one. Don’t get lost.”
Nagi quietly gazed upon Isagi’s face. There was a hardness there that Nagi didn’t quite understand. Yes, the current battle they were marching into was significantly larger than the usual ones but it wasn’t their first time. Still, Nagi humoured Isagi and responded, “Speak for yourself. I’ll be the one forced to find you when you do.”
That got him a playful smirk from Isagi.
Isagi opened his mouth to reply but Chigiri purposely squeezed between both of them with a disgruntled, “Knock it off, lovebirds, save it for after the battle.”
Nagi was quick to retort, “We didn’t say anything earlier when you were with Kun-“
Chigiri instantly turned around and hissed, “Not another word, Nagi.”
Isagi laughed as Chigiri stomped away. Then he looked to Nagi and offered him a fist, “See you, Nagi.”
Nagi returned the gesture and bumped their fists together with a curt nod.
The stench of blood was thick in the air.
Distant sounds of metals clanging were heard.
Hours and hours it went on.
Until finally, silence reigned the chaos.
On a battlefield, no one knew what to expect but death. And yet, Nagi had believed for some reason that they would make it through. They had survived so many battles after all. Isagi’s plans, when executed right, led to fruitful success. They had never lost, not once.
Just like in the current battle, their victory had been secured.
But Nagi’s heart grew heavy for the first time as he realized Isagi was not by his side. Isagi’s strategy had won them this battle. But Nagi had not seen him after the initial ambush. The realization hit Nagi like an arrow to his chest. Not once did Isagi fail to celebrate a well-earned victory. And yet Nagi had yet to hear that voice calling out to him for a celebratory gesture.
So where was Isagi?
The adrenaline of battle had left Nagi’s body as it was replaced by a slow-growing dread. His sword was dropped as he looked around him. There was no one coming towards him like Isagi always did.
Nagi staggered forward.
Then he walked.
And then he ran.
The longer Isagi went missing, the worse Nagi felt. His head turned frantically around the battlefield. His eyes never stopped looking. The dark of the night made it hard to see. Or maybe he simply didn’t want to believe it. Because it simply couldn’t be. Because this was a victory. Neither of them should have fallen during a celebrati-
Nagi’s boots scraped the dry earth. He stared at the person propped against a large rock. Nagi breathed harshly as he took in the person’s appearance. They were facing downwards and the lower half of their body was covered in dried blood. It was obvious from the lack of reflection from the usual metal armor. Only armor covered by blood did not reflect the moonlight.
It was too dark to properly see the colour of their hair. And there wasn’t any signs of Isagi’s favoured sword. But somewhere inside him, Nagi knew.
In the dark of the moon, he approached the rock slowly. Nagi could hear his heart beating wildly in his head, could feel it attempting to break out of his ribcage.
“Isagi…?”
The person shifted. Their head lifted slowly and hazy but familiar blue eyes met Nagi’s.
Unconsciously, gracelessly, Nagi rushed forward and dropped down to his knees. His hand hesitated to touch where it hovered over Isagi’s cheek. He heard Isagi huff in amusement before Isagi tilted his head and leaned into Nagi’s open palm. “…found me, huh…?”
Nagi could hear someone running behind him. He stole a glance and saw Reo’s alarmed face staring at Isagi. He exchanged a horrified look with Nagi and his mouth opened and closed a few times. Like Nagi, Reo couldn’t believe it either. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Not like this.
“I’ll get help,” Reo briskly spoke before he was running back towards where he came from.
Nagi then heard Reo call out, “Isagi’s down!” followed by more shouts as they undoubtedly tried to get the healer as soon as they could to where Isagi was.
Nagi’s focus returned to Isagi. With how Isagi’s right arm was curled around his torso, Nagi knew that that was where the damage was. A cut? How deep was it? Had Isagi been bleeding this whole time? If so, then…
From where Isagi’s cheek was still resting on Nagi’s palm, Nagi could feel the puffs of air from those chapped lips. Isagi’s breathing was soft and shallow and Nagi-
Nagi didn’t know what to do.
He didn’t know what to say.
“…how’s the sky tonight?” Isagi asked, his voice as low as a whisper.
Nagi looked up automatically to the stars above. “It’s a full moon.”
“Can I see?”
Nagi perked at the request. He knew he probably shouldn’t move Isagi but when had he ever denied any of Isagi’s request? With a little careful maneuvering and after a few pained grunts, Nagi managed to lay Isagi down with his head resting on Nagi’s lap. They both looked up towards the moon.
Isagi’s left hand that had been unoccupied before, was gripping onto Nagi’s. Nagi encouraged it. He allowed Isagi to clench his hand even if it was almost too painful to bear. Isagi must’ve been in intense pain. But he didn’t let it show in terms of facial expression.
For a while, they just gazed at the moon together. Nagi ignored looking down at Isagi’s pale face propped on his thighs. He was good at that.
What he couldn’t ignore was the weakening strength of Isagi’s grip, the increasing absence of warmth, the suffocating sounds Isagi made as he struggled with each breath, and the growing limpness of his body.
Nagi was the one squeezing Isagi’s hand, hoping that Isagi would return the grip. But Isagi didn’t.
The coldness had already seeped in too deep. Isagi could barely feel anything anymore. The pain had faded somewhat. But he could tell from Nagi’s trembling hand that he was squeezing Isagi’s own almost too desperately. That was when Isagi felt the first drop of what he thought was rain, falling on his forehead.
But that was impossible because the sky was clear and the moon was shining so bright.
The shock from blood loss meant Isagi was a little slow on the uptake of the situation. If it wasn’t rain then- Isagi smiled when he realized that it wasn’t raindrop that had hit his forehead. Isagi looked up to Nagi’s chin. That idiot had been stubbornly staring up the moon. But he didn’t fool Isagi. Even from below, the tear tracks were clearly reflected by the moonlight.
“Nagi,” Isagi whispered, his voice gentle and filled with fondness. He could barely breathe but he tried to instill as much warmth as he could when he called out for Nagi.
When Nagi looked down, he didn’t try to hide the silent tears that had slowly and was currently sliding down his cheeks. How Isagi’s heart broke from seeing Nagi’s tearful face. It was a shock at first but this was the portrayal of Nagi’s feelings towards him; an undeniable truth. Honestly, Isagi couldn’t be happier. To love and be loved in return.
Unfortunately, Isagi was certain they both knew how this night would go.
I’m sorry, he wanted to say. But what he was about to do was unforgivable. He didn't deserve to say those words.
Instead, Isagi smiled up at Nagi with sad eyes. In between shallow gasps, Isagi teased, “That’s… a first for me… Don’t think I’ve ever… seen you cry before…”
With his right hand, Isagi reached up to catch one of Nagi’s tears using his thumb. It was a shaky effort but Nagi closed his eyes and lifted his own hand to grasp Isagi’s weak fingers. He held it close to his lips, almost kissing it, just to feel Isagi, just to tell himself that Isagi was still alive.
Not yet.
Please, not yet.
Nagi begged. He begged to whomever was listening.
He couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. The fear that had clenched his heart from the moment he realized Isagi’s absence from the battlefield had begun to overtake his body. Just as he knew that he wouldn’t find Isagi alive and well, he also knew that Isagi was fading too fast for him or anyone to save him.
“Isagi, I-“ Nagi began to say but the hand in his was already slipping past his grip. Nagi squeezed it before it could completely fall.
He looked down at Isagi.
Nagi felt as though his body was thrown into the cold winter waters as he stared into Isagi’s unseeing eyes.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
This wasn’t supposed to-
Nagi didn’t move for a long time. He didn’t move even when Reo was at his side. He didn’t hear a word his friend was saying.
“Nagi… Please, Isagi’s already-“
He couldn’t hear anything. Time seemed to stop for Nagi, until he felt something inside him break. As he squeezed Isagi’s limp hand and held it close, Nagi felt his face scrunch up as he mentally crashed into a wall. Nagi began to sob uncontrollably, his tears had never stopped. He felt hands on his back but they did nothing to curb the unadulterated agony inside him.
Nagi didn’t even say it to Isagi. He never got to tell him-
“…-agi… Nagi!”
Nagi opened his eyes with a jolt. He saw Isagi’s shadowed face looking down at him, upside down. Isagi was frowning worriedly and he was saying something but Nagi could only focus on Isagi’s face.
There was no blood. Isagi was breathing. He was alive. They both were. Nagi’s brain went a mile a minute as reality hit him.
They were… spending their free period basking out on the field, under one of the shady trees. Yes. They were still in their school uniforms. And instead of Isagi dying on Nagi’s lap, Nagi was the one who was napping on Isagi’s.
Nagi felt like he had been whiplashed. But he finally regained his focus after he distinguished dream from reality.
“-were crying in your sleep. It was pretty weird,” Isagi trailed off as his palms cupped Nagi’s cheeks to wipe away his tears. “Must’ve been one heck of a nightmare, huh?”
Nagi didn’t answer. He simply wanted to drink in the Isagi before him – cheeks full of colour, eyes bright and smile wide.
Isagi suddenly mentioned cheekily, “Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before.”
And Nagi was reminded of his dream once more. Those were similar to dream-Isagi’s last words. And Nagi had waited too long before Isagi was- This time, he’d do it right. Nagi would make sure of it.
“I never got to say it,” Nagi confessed out loud.
“Say what?” Isagi asked with a tilt of his head.
Nagi reached up to touch Isagi’s cheek as how dream-Isagi had done to him, “I never got to tell you that time…”
Isagi looked confused at first but then that sad smile, the same smile Nagi had seen his dream, was once again graced on Isagi’s face. Just as how Nagi had done to the dream-Isagi dying on his lap, this Isagi lifted his own hand to hold Nagi’s hand close to his cheek. He held it dearly, as though it was as precious as dream-Isagi’s hand had been to Nagi.
Then, Isagi spoke, “It’s alright. I knew.”
Nagi’s eyes widened at Isagi’s purposeful words.
Isagi repeated with his lips against the skin of Nagi’s hand, “I’ve always known, Nagi.”
All of a sudden, Nagi understood. It wasn’t a dream. That had been real. That had been a memory. Like floodgates being opened, Nagi’s eyes widened as he saw Isagi as more than just who he currently was. For once, their eyes looked at the other beyond the boundaries of their current reality.
Isagi smiled down at Nagi, “Whether it’s in the past, in this life or the next, I’ll always know.”
After Isagi’s earlier confession, Nagi’s eyes gained recognition thanks to him remembering their past lives. Nagi’s demeanor changed slightly from the schoolboy Isagi knew him as in their current universe. Besides, Isagi didn’t lie. It was the first time he had seen this Nagi cry.
With a renewed sense of familiarity, Nagi’s free hand reached up to playfully flick Isagi’s fringe. Then, Nagi smiled up at him and Isagi immediately committed it to memory. He only got a few of those in each lifetime.
“You still have the same bangs,” Nagi commented.
Isagi rolled his eyes. Not once had Nagi let this go. Exasperatedly, Isagi said as he flicked Nagi’s hair in return, “Cut your ridiculous middle-strand first, then I’ll cut my hair.”
Nagi’s smile widened and his eyes crinkled in amusement.