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English
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2020-08-31
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put your head on my shoulder

Summary:

Liam comes back from a mission feeling like a complete and total failure. Theo does his best to soften the blow.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Theo was worried. Scratch that: Theo was pulling his damn hair out. And, as per usual, it was all Liam's fault.

Him and Alec had left hours ago to meet up with some retired hunter who'd offered to give them information on Monroe and her whereabouts. Theo had been suspicious from the start, because what if it was a trap? What if something went horribly wrong? What if, what if, what if?

But Liam had insisted that he'd be careful. The hunter had given him his word, and Liam being Liam, he believed the guy. Wholeheartedly.

"I should come with you," Theo had said, trying his best not to sound desperate, but Liam hadn't budged.

"Alec really wants to go. You know how much catching Monroe means to him. Because of his family and stuff." Liam had squeezed Theo's shoulder then, offering a crooked smile. "It's gonna be okay, dude. We'll meet up at the animal clinic afterwards."

Normally, Theo would've kept arguing, but he let it go this time. Now that Scott had gone off to college, Liam had been pretty worried about filling his shoes. Theo hadn't wanted to undermine the poor kid and make him feel even more insecure. That would just be cruel.

Jesus, you've gotten soft.

Now Theo was left pacing around the animal clinic, wishing he had just been his classic asshole self and insisted on taking Alec's place. But he hadn't done that, and now all he could do was imagine every horrible outcome and try not to send Liam too many concerned texts. 

Sometimes he wished he could go back in time to when he didn't care so much. Things had been easier that way.

The sun had set by the time the front door finally jingled open; Theo whirled towards the sound of it, relief swamping him when he saw Liam, weary-looking but alive. 

Thank fuck.

"Where's Alec?" Theo demanded as Liam brushed past him, reeking of every negative emotion in the book.

"Home," Liam muttered. "I dropped him off."

"A text back would've been nice," Theo said sharply, but his anger fizzled out in seconds when he watched Liam trudge across the room and flop down on the linoleum floor, back against the wall. He looked so damn defeated that Theo felt his stomach twist.

"What happened?" Theo asked, voice much softer now, and Liam buried his face in his hands.

"I messed it all up," he croaked. "Me and my stupid brain."

And Theo wanted to say, I like your brain. It's a good brain. But he just went and settled down next to Liam on the floor, shoulders almost touching, and said, "Messed it up how?"

Liam hugged his knees to his chest, scowling. "The guy was such an asshole. He said he'd only give us the information in exchange for, like, half a million dollars. I told him we didn't have that kind of money, probably never would, but he said he wouldn't accept anything else. When I told him no again, he called us worthless supernatural dipshits, and I, uh... I kinda lost it."

"Did you hurt him?" Theo asked, but even if the answer was yes, Theo wouldn't think any less of him. He had no room to judge.

"I tried," Liam admitted, words quiet and tinged with shame. "I lunged at him, but Alec pulled me back, and then the dude started shooting."

A couple years ago, Theo definitely would've said I told you so. But rubbing salt in wounds wasn't a favorite pastime of his anymore. "Did you guys get hit?"

"Almost. We booked it out of there, and he followed us for awhile. Shot at the car when we drove away." Liam dug his nails into his arms, lip curling. "Stupid fuckin' IED."

Theo bumped his shoulder gently against Liam's own. "Relax. It's not like anybody got hurt."

"Yeah, but it came pretty damn close," Liam pointed out, eyes flashing, but the bitterness in his voice gave way to despair almost instantly. "Scott should've left somebody else in charge. I can't... I can't do it."

"There's nobody more fit to lead than you," Theo insisted, which only made Liam look twice as miserable.

"There's gotta be."

And Theo just shook his head, because there was nobody better. Nobody as brave, or as loyal, or as kind. Nobody as forgiving. Nobody who Theo would follow more gladly into the pits of hell.

Nobody better.

Liam leaned his head back against the wall with a groan, closing his eyes. "Sometimes I just feel like a total disappointment. You ever feel like that?"

Theo blinked, the Dread Doctors' voices humming in his head, clear as yesterday: Failure... Theo Raeken. You were and would always be an ordinary evil.

Ordinary evil. Ordinary, evil.

Then Scott's voice, a knife that cut him deeper somehow: You're barely even human.

"You're not a disappointment, Liam," Theo said simply, shoving the memories back into the basement of his brain. "You're just a person trying your best. No shame in that."

"I guess not," Liam mumbled, then opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling, thoughtful. "I think it would've gone a lot better if you were there."

This caught Theo by surprise, because typically he didn't make things better for anyone. His eyebrows furrowed. "Why?"

And Liam said, "I dunno," but Theo knew what he really meant. He knew, and it took everything in him not to say, You're my anchor, too. It was one of those truths that was too big, too bizarre, too beautiful for him to admit out loud.

So Theo just smiled and said, "Well, next time you meet up with some trigger-happy asshole, I'll tag along."

"Promise?" Liam murmured, turning his head so his big blue eyes could search Theo's face, and Theo looked back at him, steady as the rain.

"I promise."

For the first time that night, Liam managed a smile of his own. Small, and a little bit tired, but a smile nonetheless. He was still smiling when he rested his head on Theo's shoulder. Theo stiffened at first, so unfamiliar with something this mindlessly gentle. But the warmth of Liam's cheek reached every atom, every sad little nerve, and Theo found himself relaxing against the touch.

He could get used to this. He really could.

"Would it be weird if I said you smell good?" Liam mumbled out of nowhere, and Theo laughed, a golden light bubbling in his chest.

"I'd take it as a compliment."

"Okay, well, you smell good."

"Thanks weirdo," Theo murmured, painfully fond. Then, seized by a sudden burst of bravery, he kissed the top of Liam's head, long hair tickling his nose. His heart leapt when he did it, like he'd just jumped from an airplane. But rather than hitting the ground, he landed somewhere between the soft relief of Liam's sigh and the way he nuzzled the crook of Theo's neck.

Yeah, Theo could get used to this.

Notes:

@theogayken on tumblr!!