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October 31st, 1991
There were a lot of scary things that Richie has witnessed in his life. The easiest of them all being that fucking clown, of course—but deep inside the teen’s mind, what frightened Richie the most was his sexuality.
Today was Halloween.
The green had been replaced with brown and gold, the kids from Derry were over Summer break and adapting to the cold and shorter days. Gone were the t-shirts and shorts, but that didn’t mean Richie quit thinking how cute Eddie looked—every fucking day. With his stupid knit shirts, overkill scarfs, and always covering his soft hands with gloves as if they were all about to enter the ice age again.
And the stupid red beanie.
Richie couldn’t look at the color red without thinking about Eddie, and he hated it.
He was disgusted with himself. Richie thought it had been a phase, that when he was thirteen and crushing on Eddie Kaspbrak was something he got confused about while demanding Eddie’s attention every time they were together. He got called annoying, a pain in the ass, a dipshit—but Eddie always gave Richie what he wanted.
Attention.
Nothing changed when they went to high school. Well, between Richie and Eddie nothing did. But Bill was gone, left Derry a year ago when his parents decided to move on from Georgie and start anew. Bill promised to write—he never did.
No one was surprised since Beverly did the same.
Ben was paying more attention to his studies and could barely hang out with them, Mike was too busy with his grandfather’s farm but bless his heart, he did try. Stan made excuses, saying that his father became stricter after what he did at his Bar Mitzvah.
But Eddie was always there, nothing changed with him. But Richie, sometimes, thought it would be better for Eddie to also move on and get better friends, much better than Richie.
It couldn’t be that hard to find, right?
Richie was wearing a skeleton costume, his mom had painted his face like a skull and even though he liked it and was enthusiastic about getting some free candy—no one showed up.
Not even Eddie.
“We’re too old for trick ‘r treating Richie, and I need to study.”
Richie knew Eddie was right. But his dismissive words weren’t the reason that drove Richie towards the Kissing Bridge. It was a pity party, ludicrous even. Because it ultimately happened, Eddie said no to Richie and even though he has been preparing for the day—Richie found himself crying, pathetically, in front of the carving he did two years ago during the summer where the Losers defeated that clown.
R + E
It was simple but bigger than the other initials. Sobbing a little, Richie sat next to it, staring as he moved his head sideways to stare at his ridiculous effort to tell Bowers ‘fuck you’ for basically outing him out in that arcade.
The rumors decreased ever since Bowers was arrested and blamed for killing all those missing kids, plus his gang. But they never ceased, to this day someone would still write ‘Richie Tozier loves cock in his mouth’ on the bathroom walls.
If his friends, if Eddie, knew about it, they never ventured to even mention it.
Or maybe they didn’t care.
Recently, Richie has been degrading himself. Maybe it was a sign that he was maturing, or maybe he just hated who he is.
Why the hell did he think that his friends would want to go trick ‘r treating? Because they did it every year? Because that’s what Richie was used to? Because he loves Halloween and wanted to share his adoration by fondly annoying the shit out of his friends?
“Fuck…” Richie sighed as he quivered, sheltering himself with the empty pillowcase he was going to use a candy bag. It was getting late, and that indicated that the temperature was going to drop.
He should go home. But then he’d have to tell his mom why he didn’t get any candy.
He should go trick ‘r treating alone. But that would be pitiful, right?
“Fuck it,” he told himself with a conclusive tone. He elected to not move his ass from the bridge and see what happens.
Ten minutes go by and Richie realized how creepy he’s probably being, gawking at the carving as if it would summon Eddie. Or anyone. It’s sad, really. Being alone in your favorite holiday sucks—and Richie dreaded his adult years when he surely could not go ask strangers for free candy.
Who the fuck voted to make this day about kids only, anyways? Adults also like confectionery, right?
“Hey, dipshit, what the fuck are you doing here?”
Holy shit.
“Do you know how cold it is? Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you?!” Eddie protested aloud as he squeezed the breaks of his bike and hurled it unceremoniously to his side after leaping out of it.
All this without breaking eye-contact with Richie.
Foolishly, he beamed as Eddie stomped his way, clearly upset.
The reason why Richie smiled right away was that Eddie was wearing his adorable pumpkin costume—which had some holes from when Eddie got pierced in the bushes two Halloweens ago while sneaking and waiting to throw water balloons at Richie.
Richie said nothing, but Eddie kept rambling at his usual pace as he stood in front of him, hands on his pumpkin hips, and with a concerned scowl, “Do you know how ridiculous I fucking looked? Climbing down my bedroom window with this thing on and riding my bike searching for your ass around town? People threw eggs at me, Rich! Eggs! Fucking kids laughed in my face and called me—why were you looking at that?”
Richie made the mistake of being quiet for too long, but to his defense, he was stunned by Eddie’s unexpected appearance—to his demise, however, Eddie’s doe eyes wandered until they saw the fucking carving.
“Oh, fuck—” Richie stood up so fast he became unsteady, he still managed to step in front of it, shielding it protectively, “Hey E-Eds, you changed your mind then? How about we start in—”
“Richie, fucking move!” Eddie’s arms were fast on grabbing his torso, as as much as Richie’s heart dropped at the touch, his panicking side took over as he began struggling.
“No! We gotta go!”
“Richie, what the fuck?!”
“Eddie, please don't!”
“Don’t what?! Why were you sitting next to it? Why were you staring at it?!” Eddie yelled, striking Richie with a panicked look.
They both stared at each other, and Richie was bewildered when he realized that Eddie was also giving him an apprehensive look.
Did he need a verification?
“Did… Were you the one that did that?” Eddie’s voice was smaller this time, serener. As if he a treading delicately around a topic that could undoubtedly cross the line.
Richie felt inarticulate—something that rarely occurred. And this was ridiculous because it was Halloween, they were both wearing silly costumes and it was starting to get really cold.
That was totally the reason Richie was shivering.
“You… knew about it?” he inwardly grimaced at how pathetically frightened he sounded. All Richie wanted to do was push Eddie away and escape this awful situation.
But his friend’s startled look floored him, preparing him for the real world where Eddie could never—
“I was wondering if it was our initials,” Eddie began, strangely gentle and looking down at his white sneakers with feigning interest, “I… Richie, is this a joke? Did you do it because you were bored? Or because you wanted to make me confused or hopeful?”
Richie couldn’t think anymore, he never heard Eddie speaking like this. He sounded genuinely hurt. Not in a physical way, the emotional part was what made Richie’s knees wobble as a little as he moved closer to him.
Speak, you fucking idiot! Richie cried.
“Eds… I… You’ve seen it before? You… thought it was our names? Our initials? That’s the first thing you came up with?”
Eddie nodded, glimpsing at him with a pout.
They were both quiet afterwards. Eddie’s unanswered question still hovering around Richie’s head. The silence was beginning to get awkward and heavy, and both of them were anticipating someone to speak up.
“Fuck you!” Eddie finally screeched, looking embarrassed as his eyes became watery, “You’re such a dick! Answer my fucking question!!” he snarled, jabbing his finger on Richie’s chest accusingly.
“I’m gay.”
The remark came out dazedly, it was if Richie felt possessed when he said it.
“Wha—”
“I’m gay for you.”
“You’re fucking what?!”
“I’m fucking gay! For! YOU!” To emphasize it, Richie shouted each word, making Eddie look around with a panicked face.
“Shut up! Shutup!!! I get it! Ssshh!!” Eddie settled his hand on Richie’s mouth, whispering harshly with a pale complexion.
Pettily, Richie licked it.
The result was predictable, Eddie whined and took his hand away, wiping it on his pumpkin suit with a disgusted grimace.
Richie felt listless as he spoke up, “Sorry I got my revolting gay germs on you.”
Eddie flashed him a concerned look before his eyes increased with quick awareness, “No! W-Wait, no! Let me explain, I wasn’t—I’m not grossed out about your gay germs!” he was faltering, nervously standing in front of Richie with frantic eyes, “I don’t—”
But Richie was already believing in the rejection, he was quiet before but now he wanted to express himself, “You don’t what? Want this? Because I can get a knife and make sure this carving becomes unreadable!” he suddenly shouted, making Eddie flinch, “I’ll make sure no one knows that I love you, Eddie! If it makes you so uncomfortable, I can do it!” he was breathing laboriously now, tears coming down his dark eyes as he peered down at a dismayed Eddie, “I’m sorry, okay?! I can’t restrain my feelings for you! But if it makes you so upset, then maybe I—” he didn’t want to say it, Richie chocked, feeling his throat dry completely, “I… I can stay away from you…” he weakly stated, not believing his own words.
Because he can’t. How? How could Richie stay away from Eddie?
“You can’t,” Eddie responded for him, “You can’t do that!” the brunette repeated, fiercely this time, “If you’d let me speak—oh my God, Richie breathe,” he laid a hand on the taller boy’s shoulder as he sobbed, “—I would’ve said that the first names that came into my mind were ours, not because I couldn’t think of other names in Derry, but because I like you, idiot!” Eddie stammered, avoiding Richie’s widened eyes as his cheeks reddened at the sudden attention, “I… I was hopeful. I didn’t want to get too eager, though. I didn’t ask you about it because I didn’t want to wreck our friendship.”
Richie’s brain was kicking his ass, commanding him to say something about Eddie’s words. But all he could do was gawk and blink away some of the tears that never got to fall.
“You… like me too?” Richie weakly asked, finally finding his voice again.
Eddie sighed, bravely looking Richie in the eyes, “I do. I… it’s a recent thing? It all started when Bill left, you were always with me. Comforting me, making me laugh… I was already happy by your side, but I guess I realized why,” the shorter teen confessed sheepishly, “I just regret that it took me this long to tell you. But I was afraid, Richie!” from his shoulder, Eddie moved his hand to reach for Richie’s right one, waiting and hoping that Richie would meet him halfway. He didn’t want to force this, he wanted Richie to be confident as well.
“Eds…” Richie whispered, gazing down as he reached for Eddie’s hand, interlocking them instantly with an awed expression, “I can’t believe this is happening. Am I dreaming?” he dumbly asked, making Eddie laugh mirthfully.
“No, Rich, you’re not dreaming. Now… can you move? I wanna see it,” Eddie requested with a shy smile.
Richie wondered if this was a good time for their first kiss. But he would be composed. He would be good. The last thing he wanted was to show overly-enthusiasm and scare Eddie away.
Richie stepped aside, and Eddie guided him to stand next to him as the two held hands. It felt delicate, emotional, and tender. It was all so new, so raw.
“You did a good job,” Eddie suddenly praised him, and Richie’s ears heated at the approval.
Now that Richie thought about it, all he ever craved was Eddie’s attentiveness and approval. Sure, it was hilarious seeing Eddie’s face go red from something stupid Richie did, but a praising from Eddie was like receiving that one ideal gift for Christmas.
Or in this case, a good candy bar for Halloween.
Turns out, Richie didn’t need to go trick ‘r treating, because holding Eddie’s hand and walking him home with the awareness that their relationship was now something more was the best treat he ever got.
Richie loves Halloween, and he’d always celebrate it enthusiastically.