Chapter Text
The air tastes like sea salt.
By the ocean, the breeze is stronger. Felix's pink hair, soft and fluttering around his ears, is ruffled by the wind. The tip of his nose is going red. In the human realm, Felix thinks, the weather isn't as harsh - he focuses on the slight cold of the sea air to calm the nerves swirling in his stomach.
It's the first day of his new life, and the walk to his introductory lecture feels miles long. Felix swallows a hard lump in his throat. He's late, and so he clutches his books tightly to his chest and tries to walk quickly, darting past students through the unfamiliar campus. He looks at every building as he passes, trying to find the lecture hall he's due to be at. Only the sight of the sea on the horizon gives him strength.
The ocean was the reason Felix had chosen this University in the first place. It's right by the sea. From his dorm room, he can see the sun sparkling on the ocean. He can watch the tide move, or gaze at the waves as they brush against the shore. It's a small piece of his old life, just outside of his tiny window
Now, on this fateful morning, Felix thinks of the sea again. He imagines the feel of water in his lungs, and the sparkle of the ocean around him, and tries not to panic. Life will be better now, he thinks, nodding to himself. He never has to go back home.
Distracted by his thoughts, he walks straight into a hard chest.
Felix stumbles backwards, and drops his books. Warm hands steady him, clutching his arms tightly. Felix looks up into a kind face. There's a sparkle in his eyes. His long dark hair falls over his eyes, and he wears a black hoodie, the sleeves covering his hands.
"Alright?" He asks, with his eyebrow raised.
He lets go of Felix's arms, and picks up the books for him, placing them carefully into Felix's arms again.
"Careful." He says.
"Thank you." Felix says, quietly. He looks shyly into the boy's face, and then his eyes flicker away. He still isn't used to the company of humans, and he stands stiffly, staring down at his books.
"Is this your first year here?"
"Huh?" Felix asks, "How do you know that?"
The boy smiles.
"Don't look so scared. The newbies just have this expression, you know, it's like..." The boy pulls a face, his eyes and mouth going wide, "See? You can just tell."
Felix blinks at him.
"I'm right, aren't I?" The boy asks, "I'm Chan, I'm in my third year. Do you want some help?"
Felix opens his mouth to refuse, but the boy grabs the books from him and fits them snugly into his arms.
"Where are you heading? Are you lost?" Chan says.
"I-" Felix sighs, "Well, actually... I need to find the Rosemary Lecture Hall."
"Easy as pie." Chan says happily, "I'll take you there."
Felix is still trying to work out what easy as pie means when Chan starts walking. He hurries to keep up. He's jealous of the way Chan walks through the human realm, with an ease that Felix may never be able to have. He seems to know his place here, is completely relaxed under the sun, and it's a little daunting.
Felix has never been to a University, after all. He's used to the stifling quiet of the castle library, where the only sound was the monotonous voice of his royal tutor. Here, though, there's so much noise. The laughter and conversations of students, as they walk together or sit on benches. The sound of the sea, as the waves move. Even the slight hum of music, from somewhere Felix can't place. It's both exhilarating, and terrifying.
"What?" Felix asks, when he realises he's missed what Chan said.
"I said," Chan says, "What's your name?"
"Oh," Felix says, and smiles slightly.
When he'd dreamt of a new life, he had wanted more than new places. He'd wanted to completely reinvent himself, and to discover his soul without the oppressive, suffocating opinions of his parents. With that had come a new name, and therefore a new identity. Lee Felix.
"Felix," Felix says, "Lee Felix."
Chan turns to him, and gives him an encouraging smile. Felix manages to smile back.
"Hey, Felix," He says, "Where are you from?"
Felix pauses, imagining the huge castle that he'd lived in for centuries.
"Somewhere far away." He finally says.
"That's mysterious." Chan laughs. "Why did you come all of the way here, then?"
"For the sea." Felix says.
"There are seas everywhere." Chan points out.
"I wanted to try something new," Felix says, his voice slowly growing stronger, "I wanted... a new start."
Chan nods, listening. There's something wonderful about walking with someone new under the sunlight.
"What about you?" Felix asks.
"Oh." Chan laughs, embarrassed. "I came here because of my parents. To make them proud, you know? But I'd much rather just make music."
"Music?" Felix asks.
As they walk, Felix thinks he can hear the old melodies of his home drifting through the air. He'd always envied the pianists, the cellists, the guitar players, the drummers, who kept music flowing through the kingdom. When he was a child, he'd wanted to dance like the others in the market square. But he couldn't. He was the prince, and he had to set an example.
The thought of human music, unrestricted and free, makes a burst of joy spread through Felix's chest.
"Hip hop, rap, that kind of stuff." Chan rubs the back of his neck.
"Is there a lot of music here?"
Chan's expression doesn't change, although Felix's question must've seemed strange.
"Oh, for sure." Chan says, "There's gigs in the University bar, that sort of thing. There's a bunch of music clubs you could join. So you like music too?"
"I love it." Felix says, "I always wanted to learn to dance. That's another reason I came here, to study music."
"Really?" Chan turns to look at him, "Why couldn't you learn to dance at home?"
Felix looks out into the unfamiliar sky. He watches the clouds drift by, a wave of sadness passing over him for a moment. When it fades, he tries to smile again.
"It's a long story."
"I have time." Chan says, and then laughs. "Actually, wait, no I don't. We're here."
He stops outside of a tall building, holding out Felix's books with bright eyes. Felix takes the books from him. Chan brushes his dark hair away from his face with his hand, pulling up the strap of his backpack with the other.
"Thanks." Felix says softly.
"It's nothing." Chan grins. "Do you know which room you're going to?"
Felix nods. He tucks a strand of hair behind his ear.
"Nice." Chan says.
Chan's smile brightens his face. If this is what the human realm is like, Felix thinks, then it's going to be so much better than he expected. The sunshine, the sound of the waves, a boy willing to help him. It's wonderful.
Chan is a good omen, Felix decides.
The silence stretches. Chan holds out his hand, and Felix tentatively takes it.
"Hey, it was good talking to you, Felix. Take care, okay?"
A new beginning, Felix thinks.
"You too." Felix says softly. Chan lets go of his hand, and opens the door for him. Felix ducks through the doorway, brushing past Chan's warm form.
"See you soon." Chan calls happily after him.
Felix clutches his books tighter to his chest, and smiles to himself. As he walks towards a lecture - to learn, to hope, to discover - he thinks maybe everything will be okay after all.
*
Felix bought a plant.
He places the pot tentatively on the window sill, careful not to damage the leaves. The marketplace had been selling all sorts of things that Felix was unfamiliar with, but it was the plants that had caught his eye. He'd always loved the royal garden, growing behind the castle, but he'd never been able to grow anything himself.
He looks past the flower and out into the campus. The sea is gentle today. The tide must be out, Felix thinks, imagining footprints in the sand. He stretches, exhausted from the day, and winces. Pain shoots down his stomach and spine.
Grimacing, he sits down and pulls off his shirt. Blood has already started to seep through his bandages, dark red against his skin. He pulls a face and pulls them away slowly, replacing them with crisp white, clean bandages instead.
Looking at his deep wounds, scattered across his chest, stomach and back, reminds him of his old life. But as the deep red fades into scars, Felix thinks, the memories will fade too. For now, he has to bear the pain. They're ugly, sure, but they're healing.
On his desk, there's a glass of water. It begins to overflow, suddenly, water spilling onto the wood and dripping onto the carpet. Felix swallows and takes a deep breath, willing it to stop. Even after all of these years, his control over his magic is weak.
(But Felix swam through storms and jagged rocks to get here. He won't give up so easily).
*
When he can't sleep, plagued by nightmares, Felix drinks tea in the shared kitchen.
It's a habit that had continued from his old life - sneaking out of his bedchamber at night to drink and relax. He runs a hand through his pink hair, his eyes weary with sleep, and shuffles into the kitchen.
Changbin, one of his housemates, is sitting at the table. He's scribbling in a notebook, and he nods in acknowledgement when Felix walks in. Jisung sits, his other housemate, leans back in his seat, his feet on the table. He's peering over Changbin's shoulder curiously. Jisung is in his first year too, but Changbin is older than them, though the age difference doesn't really affect their relationship.
Felix's ears turn red, still nervous in the company of his human housemates. He drags himself over to the kettle.
"Make me a coffee while you're there?" Jisung asks.
"Sure." Felix murmurs.
Changbin hits Jisung over the head with his notebook.
"Yah." He says, "Make your own coffee."
Felix smiles to himself. Changbin meets his eye, and winks. The older has sharp eyes, and broad shoulders, yet his smile is reassuring. He's a warm sort of person, and already he's begun to throw his arms over Felix's shoulders, or invite him to hang out with them.
"So," Jisung asks warmly, tipping his head backwards to meet Felix's eyes. Behind him, Changbin mimes pushing him off his chair, which makes Felix laugh. "How was your first week at University?"
Felix thinks back on his first week in the human realm. It's become a blur of noise and colour, so much more interesting than the kingdom he'd left behind.
"Busy." He decides. "What about you?"
"Tiring." Jisung whines. "Why do I have so much work to do already?"
The act of making tea is soothing, the hot water filling the cup slowly. Felix makes the coffee too, the homely smell filling the kitchen. The mugs are warm around his fingers. Ever since he got to the human realm, he thinks that he's experienced everything more. Like someone had turned on a light switch, and he could finally see everything in vibrant colour.
Felix sits beside Changbin at the table, and pushes Jisung's coffee towards him. Jisung smiles gratefully, growing quiet and sipping the coffee. Felix stares down into his tea, though the sound of Changbin's pen scratching against paper is making him increasingly curious.
As if reading his mind, Jisung pipes up.
"He's writing lyrics." Jisung explains, and then pouts. "But he won't let me look."
"It's bad luck." Changbin grumbles.
"It's bad luck." Jisung repeats, in a low, mocking voice.
This easy conversation, these night-time smiles, are so unfamiliar to Felix. He never had evenings like this, in the company of new friends. It warms his heart, a little, and he takes a sip of tea.
"You write music?" Felix asks, thinking of Chan.
Changbin shrugs, his cheeks turning pink.
"He's pretty good." Jisung says.
"You've only known me a week." Changbin murmurs, though the way his cheeks dimple suggests he's secretly pleased.
Jisung sticks out his tongue. He's cute, with his puffed out cheeks and his long sweater, as he drinks his coffee gratefully. Felix is glad that he was paired with them, glad that he chose this busy, but bright, human world over his old life.
"I'm going home for Christmas," Jisung is saying, "What about you?"
"Same, probably." Changbin says.
"Felix?" Jisung asks.
"Oh, I-" Felix swallows. "I can't go home."
Jisung blinks.
"Why not?"
"Um." The question is one he isn't prepared to answer. "Well, it's so far away."
"Ah." Jisung says, nodding sympathetically, "Where are you from?"
Felix is forced to think of home. There was the castle, dark and damp, where he could hardly breathe. The sea, glittering outside of his window, that he could never go to no matter how much he wanted to. His parents' words, so sharp and cruel, always in his ear.
The tap turns on.
Water rushes out at maximum strength, splashing against the sink. Changbin stands quickly and turns it off, staring at the sink in surprise.
"That's never happened before." He says, his eyes wide.
"Ghosts!" Jisung exclaims. Changbin shakes his head.
"Must be faulty." He says. "I'll call the janitor in the morning."
But Felix knows the truth. His tea is bubbling, and he puts his hand over the rim of the mug to hide it. The sudden overflow of his magic is a stark reminder that he'll never really fit in with humans, no matter how much he wants to.
Felix stands, clutching his mug tightly in his fingers. His knuckles are going white.
"I'm going to bed." He says quietly.
"Hey." Changbin says softly. He grabs Felix's elbow. "Are you okay?"
Changbin's eyes are so sincere and concerned that it hurts. Felix opens his mouth to speak when the door bursts open. They all turn to the kitchen doorway. To Felix's surprise, Chan is standing there, a black coat pulled over his black shirt.
"Hey, sorry I'm late, I-" Chan grins, suddenly, when he meets Felix's eyes. "Oh, Felix!"
Felix blinks. Chan shuffles into the room, brushing off his hair and collapsing into the seat beside Jisung.
"Are you leaving?" Chan asks him, "That's a shame. I just got here."
Felix slips back into his seat wordlessly, and Changbin follows.
"Are we having coffee?" Chan asks, "God, I need coffee."
It's a pleasant surprise. Felix hasn't seen the kind stranger since the first time they met, that fateful moment on campus. Chan drinks from Jisung's coffee, leaning over him to read Changbin's notebook.
"Chan writes music too." Changbin murmurs to him, "I invited him to hang out with us after I saw him perform at the bar with Jisung."
"You didn't tell me you performed." Felix says to Chan, surprised.
Chan turns to him, his eyes sparkling. His cheeks are a little pink from the cold, and he runs a hand through his hair, his mouth stained with coffee.
"Oh, it's embarrassing, really. I've only just started..."
"He's amazing. " Jisung gushes.
"No, that's-" Chan ducks his head, smiling, his cheeks growing pinker, "I'm not really..."
Felix relaxes again as the conversation goes on around him. Though they've only met once, Chan's presence is bright and soothing. Everyone seems to light up around him, turning to him with admiring eyes.
"Felix likes music?" Jisung says. Felix blinks, rejoining the conversation with a smile when he hears his name.
"Well..." Felix starts.
"You should've told us." Changbin says, "We'll invite you to jam with us next time."
"I'm no good." Felix murmurs.
"Oh, nonsense. I have an idea." Chan announces, leaning his elbows on the table.
In the dark kitchen, he seems to sparkle with magic and happiness, relaxed under the moonlight shining through the window. He reminds Felix of the fairies in the royal forest, giggling as they dance around his head.
"Let's go out."
Jisung groans.
"I'd rather not."
"Oh, come on." Chan smiles slowly, "We need to give Felix the chance to dance."
"No-" Felix splutters, but Chan holds up his hand.
"Come on, come on." Chan says, "Drinks on me?"
"I'm in." Changbin says.
"Not tonight." Jisung smiles, "Next time, though."
Chan ruffles Jisung's hair.
"Felix?" He asks, turning towards him.
He came here for new experiences, didn't he? Felix had been craving fun and excitement. Music had been part of it too, the chance to freely move to human songs. This life had only just begun.
Felix nods. It's a new beginning, after all.
*
"How was your first week?" Chan asks warmly. "Do you miss home yet?"
They walk together through the dark night, the stars shining down on them. Even now, as they make their way through the campus, Felix can smell the sea. It's enchanting, the way the stars flicker.
The human realm, while more simple than his homeland, is so much more beautiful. Though there's only one moon, and there are less flowers and magic, Felix likes it much more.
"Not at all." Felix smiles.
Chan looks at him sharply, his eyes shining through the night. The street lamps on campus guide their way, making everything glow orange. Changbin walks slowly behind them, looking up at the sky.
"Why not?"
"I like it more here." Felix says, "I'm much happier."
"But why?"
Chan's tone is cold, and almost accusing. Felix looks at him in surprise. Chan's eyes seem to see straight through him.
"Don't you like it here too?"
Through the dark, Felix sees Chan's hard expression waver.
"It's not that." Chan says, "But what does this place have that your home doesn't?"
"It's complicated." Felix says. Chan's face softens, and he bumps their arms together, his presence warm and steady.
"Have you been to a bar before?" He asks, changing the subject.
"Nah." Felix smiles.
"You're in for a treat, then." Chan says, "The music is so good here. I'll buy you a drink, okay?"
Soon enough, Chan is pushing him gently through the door of a small building. Felix can already hear the music, pounding through the University bar and out into the campus.
He laughs once he's inside, exhilarated by the loud noise vibrating through his body and the floor. Happiness bubbles inside of him. As if they can sense his good mood, Chan and Changbin are smiling too.
"Drinks!" Chan yells, pulling the two of them to the bar. "Have you drank before Felix?"
Felix shakes his head, bouncing on his feet. Already, he can feel the music thrumming through him. He's never felt it like this before.
While Chan orders, Felix looks out into crowd. The lights are a dim purple, casting faces in shadow and making Felix feel as if he's in a different world. He has a sweet taste in his mouth, and he grins as the students dance together, or laugh and talk over the sound of the music. It's a sight he's never seen before, an experience that had always been denied to him.
"It'll be fun." Changbin murmurs in his ear, leaning casually against the bar. Felix's grin widens.
"Here." Chan says, thrusting a glass into Felix's hands. "Drink up."
Felix takes a sip. The taste is sweet and a little bitter, but not so bad that he can't drink it. It feels warm when he swallows.
"I'm so excited!" Felix shouts. His joy seems to be infectious, or maybe he's just seeing the world through new eyes.
"Come on." Chan says.
He pulls Felix by his wrist into the crowd, where people are dancing. He smiles at Felix, his head moving in time to the music that's pounding in their ears.
"I'm so happy." Felix yells.
"What?" Chan shouts back.
"I'm so happy!"
Chan still doesn't hear him, but his eyes crinkle when he smiles anyway.
Felix lets himself relax, lets the music guide him. He dances freely, happy under the purple light. His wounds, and his past, seem to disappear into the thump of the music.
"You're good." Chan laughs, into his hear, his breath warm and his eyes sparkling. Felix grins. "You'll have to teach me how to dance."
"Thanks!" Felix yells.
"What did you say?" Chan shouts back.
Felix just smiles.
For the first time, he feels comfortable in his human form. He'll have to thank Chan properly later, Felix thinks. But for now, he'll just dance.
*
The nightmares started a long time ago.
Felix whimpers in his sleep, his blanket pulled over his face. Behind his eyes, tragedy flickers, pulling him further and further under the waves, and drowning him.
"What are you doing?"
The king's face is hard, worn with scars and anger. His frown is deep as he pulls Felix away from the window roughly by his collar. Felix swallows, the magical sunset and the glittering sea that he'd been staring at through the library window fading from his mind.
"Nothing." Felix says quietly. His voice is rough - he isn't used to speaking, usually remaining quiet under the accusing stares of his family. The library is dark, dimly lit, and smells old and suffocating.
"Get back to work then."
The chair is hard underneath Felix when he collapses into it. He picks up a book, flicking through the pages. Outside, in the night, there is a festival. He can hear the music from the library. It calls to him, but he can't go.
He has too much to do. The heir to the kingdom, he must study, and he must work, and then he must marry, and then he will be king. He will go to war against their rival kingdom, and that will be his life, again and again, forever.
Felix sighs, trying to block out the noise.
The armchair sinks into the ground.
Felix is in the ocean, the sea crashing against him. This storm is particularly bad, and even his strong mermaid's tail can't help him now. He pushes against the current, his eyes narrowed, trying to see through the huge waves, but again and again he's thrown backwards.
Please, he thinks, I'm almost there, I'm almost free.
Pain shoots through his chest, and then his stomach, and then his back. Close to the shore, he's reached a rocky area, and the jagged rocks, as well as the glass that has been discarded here, is slicing into his skin. He winces, but he can't give up now.
Felix finally reaches the shore, and collapses onto the beach. When he's out of the water, his mermaid tail shifts, and he takes on a human form. Exhausted, he curls up there and falls unconscious.
He opens his eyes. His mother is staring down at him. Her mouth curls into a wicked grin, her eyes sparkling with malice.
"Time to go home." She says, pulling on his arm, which stretches the wounds on his skin. It's unbearably painful. He doesn't want to go back.
Felix wakes, gasping. It takes him a moment to realise he's not in his bedchamber in the castle, and the relief that passes over him is warm and overwhelming. He sighs, rubbing his face and sitting up.
There's a rushing sound, like water running.
When Felix looks across the room, there's dampness seeping onto the carpet from behind his bathroom door.
Felix grumbles to himself and walks across the room. When he opens the door, the shower is running, water overflowing. Felix steps across the damp ground and turns it off.
He leans against the wall, his heart aching.
Even now, he can't help but fear that his new found peace won't last. How long will it be before his family find him, their only heir, and bring him home again? He hopes to live this new life, one of colour and brightness, forever.