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The world around Eiji felt blurry , it was oh so confusing. And though he loved Ash, he wasn’t sure of how to handle this lifestyle any longer. Though he knew he wouldn’t leave until Ash was safe and coming with him. Everything in his mind was all so conflicting and horrid, it was causing stress which he felt was only making his wound ache more. All he could focus on was anxiously fidgeting with the blanket rested neatly on top of him. Giving the occasional glance to Ash who was staring outside of the window.
“ Are we gonna be safe .. ?” He questioned in a quiet voice, there was a glossy look over his eyes , him seeing entirely horrified , an expression he hadn’t given since the day he first met his bleach blonde partner. He only earned a look back from Ash , concern was all that could be seen from his usual stoic face as he went to sit beside Eiji, letting one of his slim hands run through the dark heavy hair atop the Japanese boy’s head. “ I promise you’re safe now. You have no need to worry any more..” He reassured with a sigh, bringing Eiji towards him so that their foreheads where pressed together.
Something had finally managed to calm Eiji , and of course it would be Ash’s gentle touches. Nothing else seemed to bring him ease any more , he was constantly worried and anxious , that was until he was around Ash. Being protected in his care , there was just something about the Blonde that was so soothing to him. Despite his past actions and the lifestyle he had been living for so long. “ Thank you , Ash. I’m just scared .. “ He replied in the same tone , his voice no louder than a whisper, Despite there only being them in the penthouse at the moment.
Ash Straightened himself out , looking Eiji in the eyes , with a hand still rested on the back of his neck with fingers tracing his clean cut hair. “ I know , I shouldn’t have dragged you into any of this. But i’m gonna keep you safe now , alright ?” He reassured , knowing that Eiji wasn’t as experienced in his gang lifestyle and was vulnerable to anything that where to happen. More so than anybody else in Ash’s life, since Eiji was the closest person to him. “ It’s not your fault.. and I know I’ve gotta keep you safe too” He said with a bit of a laugh, but that sweet laugher soon turned to silence. “ I’m just anxious .. I need to calm down but I can’t manage to.”
The younger of the two wasn’t surprised to hear that confession, and that feeling wasn’t new to him whatsoever. He was used to the overwhelming anxiety that someone was going to attack him or he would be taken away and be used again... Though he hated that his lover we feeling that way, he only wished for peace in Eiji’s life , but he knew a way that might soothe him. Though it was embarrassing for Ash to confess , the thing he used to cope helped him to reclaim his childhood. He would purposely fall into a dreamlike state where his mind aged no older than a five year old. It helped him to imagine a world where he was peaceful again, where no one had hurt him and he could finally relax and be at ease. And Maybe Eiji was willing to try it as well.
“ We can try something I do to calm down..?” He suggested bluntly , his expression blank, like he was barley even realizing the words that had just come out of his mouth. Only earning a head tilt from Eiji , who was curious to say the least. The Japanese boy was open to any suggestions , willing to hear what Ash had to say , and only praying it would help him as well. When it was explained to him, this method of coping seemed almost eye opening to him. It was explained to Eiji as a dissociative reversion of his own mind , a way to go back to a time where he wouldn’t have to worry about the world around him. And while he was in that infantile state , Ash would care for him. “ Do you trust me to help you with it ?” “ yeah.. I do.”
And with that statement , Ash knew he had the cue to care for Eiji how he used to be cared for... The only person he had ever trusted with this side of his life was Shorter .. and it was known what had happened to him. The blonde shifted himself a bit and gentle patted his lap as a direction for Eiji to sit there , and though Eiji’s face was flushing bright red. He obliged , moving himself whilst still holding the blanket to be placed on Ash’s lap. “ Now I want you to try and relax , can you do that for me ?” His voice seemingly went higher , sounding more caring and gentle. Reminding Eiji of how he used to be spoken to as far back in life as he could remember. He only nodded his head lightly, allowing the tension in his body to unwind so he was limp in his partners arms. “ Good job ..” Ash whispered with a smile , continuing to stroke the others hair.
Eiji could feel a sudden dizziness take over him, his brain feeling as if it was stuff with cotton, or even clouds. Ash was definitely right about this state being dream like , it felt angelic , like he was pure and his brain was empty, feeling physically and mentally small didn’t confuse him though. It only brought a sense of security knowing that Ash was going to keep him safe from all of the threats after him. He was just small now .. no one around to hurt him.. it was just him and Ash Lynx for now. Holding and protecting one another. Eiji unknowingly let his thumb slip into his mouth as his eyes fluttered shut. Though it was neatly slipped out by Ash, earning a whine from the older of the two. “ Wow. Just from that you’re already pretty small..” The caregiver spoke to himself , before gently shaking his head to snap back into the moment. “ Eiji .. I just don’t want you getting any sicker than you are, there’s lots of germs on you hand.” He explained calmly. Though Eiji was nodding , he was noticeably upset , having a sudden fixation to chew on things around him.
A sudden realization struck Ash, he had quite a bit of personal items he used while in this state. And with Eiji’s state of mind , he was likely to enjoy them. “ Can you wait here and ba patient for me ? Be good for me ?” The blonde asked with wide eyes. His energy was reciprocated with the smaller of the two , him quickly nodding with his eyes shut tight. “ Good ! I’ll be right back !” Ash explained , not before tucking Eiji into the bed and exiting the room to rummage through a bathroom drawer where he kept the little box. It having a baby blanket from his childhood , a stuffed toy meant to resemble a lynx , resembling his surname. Finally here was a soother , rested neatly in a box to keep in clean. Ash only sighed thankfully , taking the box back out to the bedroom where he assumed Eiji would still be awake.
But Ash’s assumption was wrong ,his regressive partner gently snoring whilst tucked neatly into the sheets. “ Should’ve known..” He said whilst gently shaking his head, placing the box down on the bedside table. Taking the soother he placed it between Eiji’s agape lips , kissing his forehead once he was finished. He sees at the innocence radiating from the other teen , it only made him realize how different from him Eiji really was. And how Ash would do whatever needed to keep him safe.
Eiji’s eyes batted open for only a moment to realize the soother between his lips , but he didn’t mind at all. Making a noise of delight before beginning to suckle on the infantile item. It even helped him to drift back into whatever peaceful dream he happened to be having before. Maybe this sort of thing would be a regular occurrence for the two .. it did make them feel cared for and free of worry after all. And that was really all either of them desired at the moment.
Sitting himself on the ground with his head rested on the bed he stared at the other whom he cared for so much , and no matter what state of mind he was stuck in, Ash would assist him. He would do whatever he needed , bending his own rules and wants to try and make room for Eiji. He adored Eiji Okumura more than life itself and he knew once this was all over... they’d be happy together. With Ash protecting him and caring for him however it was needed, but he knew Eiji would be doing the exact same for him. “ I’ll never let anything bad happen to you again..”