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“Babe, do you mind telling me where this giant impromptu petting zoo came from? I’m just, you know, a little bit lost. Also, surrounded by circus animals.”
“Didn't you used to work at a circus?”
Zatanna dove between the legs of an elephant, rolling to her feet again and pointing her wand at a tiger.
“Walced!” The spell struck the animal, who stopped his paw midswing, confused by the sudden lack of deadly claws. “Diana! I thought we'd moved past that,” she grunted as the claw-less tiger pounced at her.
“I'll never move past that. And to answer your question,” Diana cut off as she leaped onto the back of a bucking zebra, “this is the witch Circe’s doing.”
Zatanna knew the name. She also knew that Circe had a long history of antagonizing Wonder Woman. And turning innocent people into mindless beasts.
“So… these are people?”
Diana rode the zebra around like she had been born to do it, swinging her golden lasso above her head like some ethereal cowgirl. Zatanna would have laughed if she didn’t have an angry tiger on top of her, teeth gnashing angrily.
“Some of them, though I do not know which. We must not harm them.”
“Why don’t you tell them not to harm me?” Zatanna snarked back, but then Diana was casting her lariat, the shining loop settling perfectly around the animal’s neck, and with a strong heave the Amazon yanked the tiger off of Zatanna. She stood, dusting off her coattails before immediately turning to face a new threat: a grizzly bear. “So what’d you do to piss Circe off this time?”
Diana hummed, amused by the way that Zatanna had worded the question even as she slid gracefully off of the zebra, bringing her lasso around to wrap the animal, along with the tiger who was still attached, into a neat bundle of wriggling fur.
“Perhaps it has something to do with the new lover I have taken on.”
Zatanna rolled her eyes, taking measured steps away from the bear. She was now back to back with Diana. She turned, planting a chaste kiss on the Amazon’s bronze cheek.
“You know, I find that highly unlikely. Nam niaga!”
The spell was a long shot. She wasn’t entirely sure if it would be powerful enough to reverse Circe’s sorcery, or if this particular animal even was a human, and if not what the spell’s effect would be on an ordinary animal, but soon enough the bear was buckling, shaking like a leaf as its fur faded away and its size halved. And then, slowly, the form of a man emerged, naked and shivering and very confused.
Confused enough to not register the lioness that had set her sights on the fresh prey. Diana was busy wacking at an elephant’s tusks with the flat side of her sword, refusing to harm the animal even as it attempted to gore her. That left Zatanna to deal with this, which she supposed was fair. She had created the problem, after all.
“Emoc ot em!” she called, and like Aphrodite coming to the aid of Paris during his duel at the wall of Troy, the naked man zipped over to her as if on a leash. “Sorry about this. I’m sure it’ll be over soon,” she said, offering her most comforting smile.
“You’re-- you’re that stage magician, Zatanna! And… I was-- I was… a bear…?”
Zatanna hummed, casting more spells out into the writhing sea of exotic mammals and reptiles. The best course of action would probably be to subdue the animals before turning them back into humans, to avoid putting random civilians in danger. She considered her lesson learned.
“So I am. And so you were,” she said, continuing to cast spells at any animal that dared to come near. “Diana, how’s it going?”
“Bruce isn’t answering. I believe the Justice League is indisposed with a more serious threat.”
“Great. How are we gonna deal with this menagerie, then?”
“An excellent question,” Diana replied, managing to wrestle the elephant onto its side and somehow, miraculously, bind it to the zebra and tiger that were already tied up. Zatanna really had to get her hands on a magic lasso. “Maybe there’s something in here we can use?”
Zatanna glanced around, noting the discarded hoola hoops and balls, hats and feathers and scattered litter barely visible below the roving animal bodies.
After all, they were in an actual circus tent, which was how this entire debacle had come about. It was supposed to be a nice, relaxing date, but then Zatanna had left the show to buy some popcorn and come back to this. Circe was likely long gone, as were a large portion of the audience and circus performers, if they were lucky enough to have avoided the sorceress’ enchantment.
Hmm… circus performers. As much as she hated to admit it, Diana had been right. She did previously work at a circus.
Zatanna cast another spell at a surprisingly vicious sea lion, sending it sliding back into a cluster of penguins and away from her charge. She’d taken to referring to him as Ex-Bear in her mind.
“The trapeze nets. We can capture all of the animals.”
“How are we going to separate the humans from the true animals?”
Zatanna chose not to delve into the interesting philosophical question her girlfriend had just posed, opting instead to say what the Amazon actually wanted to know. Another time, maybe.
“A divinity spell. I’m sure it’ll work. Come on!”
The two went to work, herding giraffes and alligators alike toward the back portion of the tent where a large net lay suspended in the air, ready to catch falling acrobats. Zatanna cast a simple strengthening spell on it so that it could serve its new purpose better.
“How are we going to do this?” she yelled over the squealing and squirming of at least forty different animals, all outraged and attempting to attack her. Ex-Bear was long gone now that he was no longer surrounded by hostile members of the animal kingdom.
Zatanna could see the smirk on Diana’s face, even from across the room, and then the Amazon was lifting off of the ground as if she were a goddess, soaring in a circle all around while her sharp blade sliced rope. She completed a single circuit and landed beside Zatanna at the same moment as the net, heavy with magic, collapsed on top of the writhing animals.
“Show off,” she grumbled, ignoring Diana playfully leaning over to kiss her on the temple. “Etarapes eht nem.”
Now that the animals were all in one place, she could cast a spell over all of them, and like the parting of the Red Sea, animals were pushed to the left and the right, the net falling to preserve the two separate piles of animals.
“Which do you think are the humans?” Diana breathed out, and Zatanna flushed, proud that her display of magic had impressed the Amazon.
Though, Diana did raise an interesting point. She peered at the creatures, noting which species were where and what demeanors they held.
“I think… them,” Zatanna finally decided, pointing at the animals on the right. They seemed meaner than an animal should be, boiling over with an artificial rage, still clawing and biting to get to the superheroes despite being trapped.
Diana hummed, wrapping strong arms around Zatana’s waist as she began casting spells and animals began shrinking and growing, changing and evolving before her eyes.
“Do you think you’re helping?” she asked between spells, rolling her eyes at the way Diana’s grip tightened around her midsection.
“Of course. Every good magician needs an assistant.”
Soon, they had a pile of humans and a pile of animals, both behaving remarkably similarly. Zatanna finally turned to give Diana a proper kiss, smiling into her lips.
“When you suggested a circus, I hope you know that I wasn’t expecting this.”
“Well, you did tell me to surprise you.”
Zatanna laughed, stealing another kiss. Diana was made of the sun, and her smile was contagious. Every word she spoke was like an arrow burying itself in Zatanna’s heart. She’d never seen, heard, smelled… felt such beauty.
“Consider me surprised.”
Their moment was interrupted as the groaning and moaning of men and women morphed into murmurs of confusion and outrage.
“Hey! Let us out!”
Diana sighed and let go of Zatanna, lifting the edge of the enchanted net to allow the people to flee, not so much as a ‘thank you’ left in their wake.
“What do we do about this?” Zatanna asked, gesturing vaguely around. They were surrounded by tattered fabric, discarded cans and cups, candy wrappers and peanuts and popcorn kernels. Not to mention the twenty-something wild animals still trapped in the net.
“I guess,” Diana murmured, coming back and gathering Zatanna in her arms, her chest pressed firmly to Zatanna’s back even as their arms wrapped around each other, “we’ll just have to clean it up.”
Zatanna giggled.
“Somehow, you managed to make janitor duty sound fun.”