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He was mesmerized.
Izumi was barely a month old and Zuko hadn’t put her down for anything. His meetings and duties as the Fire Lord were a little neglected but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. It was starting to get on everyone’s nerves, including Mai’s, but he couldn’t help it! The moment she looked at him he was done for. He knows that he is hers now, completely.
Luckily Uncle had come to visit the new little family and had offered to help Zuko out with some meetings and responsibilities while he adjusted to fatherhood. The Fire Lord was infinitely grateful, knowing that his Uncle didn’t have to step in, but did it from the goodness of his heart. In turn, Zuko’s heart had grown two sizes when he passed Izumi over and introduced him as ‘Grandpa Iroh’. They both cried happy tears as Mai had to take the baby so they could properly hug without crushing her.
Even Azula, who had come so far but still held her icy guard up, absolutely melted when she first held her niece. She spent hours with the baby curled in her arms whispering sweet words he couldn’t hear. When Azula finally looked up at him she smiled, a real one, and it gave him hope for the future.
Zuko felt surrounded by love. After years of trying and praying, his family was finally complete. There was absolutely nothing that could ruin his happiness now. Everything was perfect. Well, almost perfect. Recently he couldn’t help to stop the niggling thoughts that just wouldn’t go away. Thoughts about his own father.
Ozai was a touchy subject on most days, but now Zuko was filled with disgust just thinking about the man. He thought he had come to terms that the man was an unforgivable monster years ago, but it seems that there was some unresolved resentment he didn’t even realize he still carried. It hadn’t occurred to him until he was holding his newborn daughter that the man was truly lost from the beginning.
On one hand Zuko was kind of relieved. It hadn’t mattered what he or Azula did or didn’t do in the past, nothing would have changed how his father viewed them. On the other hand, Zuko was furious. As he gazed down at Izumi, he felt nothing but uncontrollable love. A love he didn’t even think was possible. But instead of love, his father had look down at his own face and wanted to cast him aside for something as inconsequential as not having a spark. How?
He had cradled Izumi a little tighter that night, tears falling as he vowed to never, ever hurt her. That he would always love and protect her no matter what she did. Zuko didn’t want his first memories of his daughter’s life to be marred by his past with his father. It wasn’t fair to either of them, so he was going to put an end to it tonight.
That’s how he found himself walking down the long road to the prison after dark. He had left after Mai and Izumi had gone down for a nap and Uncle turned in for the night. He was going to do this alone.
He believed that Ozai had no knowledge of Izumi and Zuko planned on keeping it that way. He knew that there was nothing the man could do to her, but he preferred if they didn’t know of one another until years from now, and only if absolutely necessary.
The Fire Lord made his way into the prison and silently walked to his father’s cell. He took a stabilizing breath before entering the room. Before Ozai could open his mouth to speak, Zuko held up his hand to stop him.
“I don’t care to listen to what you have to say. I just came to get something off my chest so I can be done with it for good.” Zuko looked straight into his father’s eyes when he said, “I once thought that I loved you and then I thought I hated you, but now I realize that I just feel sorry for you. I used to hope that maybe your time in here would help you repent for what you’ve done, but I know that you’ll never change. You have never been and never will be capable of feeling love. You’ll never understand the love that Uncle and I have for each other, or the trust that Azula and I have, despite you, or the devotion that my wife and I share, or the bond that my family of friends have created. But above all of that, you’ll never feel the total, complete, and unconditional love that I feel…” When I look at my daughter is what he wanted to finish.
“And that’s why I pity you.” He scowled down at the old man. “You’re a heartless, wretched old man and I’m done with you.”
His father’s face was set in a grim frown, staring back into his son’s eyes with bitterness. Zuko didn’t wait for him to respond as he turned around, walking away from the cell. As he was about to leave, Ozai’s velvety voice said.
“So, I take it the Heir has been born.”
Zuko froze.
Ozai laughed, clearly enjoying that he caught him by surprise. “Tell me, is it a boy or a girl?”
The young man took a deep breath trying to calm himself. Of course he knows. Zuko wouldn’t give his father the satisfaction of losing his temper even though he was.
“Or, more importantly, do they have the spark? Because if they don’t, I suggest not making the same mistake I did and end them before they end up like-.”
The Fire Lord’s flame flared up inside the tiny cell. The heat almost burned Ozai through the bars. The old man fell back on his haunches to avoid the flames from licking his face.
Zuko had the most severe expression on his face. His fists trembled with anger and steam blew from his nose. He wanted to yell and scream and beat the crap out of him for even insinuating that he should-
No.
He wouldn’t stoop down to his father’s level and take the bait. This was just more proof that the man wasn’t worth anymore of his time. Zuko had better things to do, his business here was done.
He turned away from the room, leaving all his anger and hatred and resentment inside the small cell as he shut the door. Outside the prison, the night air was clear, and he could see the stars above the city.
Zuko took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he turned his face up at the moon. The spring air was fresh as he smelled the fire lily’s blossoming. He felt a little… lighter somehow. Maybe it was because he finally made sense of those troublesome thoughts. Maybe it was because he finally let go of the idea that his father’s love was ever worth chasing. Maybe it was because he knew that he had a family waiting for him back home that he loved beyond measure. Either way, he wouldn’t question it.
Inside their room his wife was still sleeping, snoring softly into her pillow. Zuko quietly tiptoed over to his daughter’s bassinet. Izumi was awake, her little arms and legs moving slightly under her blanket. Zuko couldn’t help the smile that came over his face as he picked her up and gently rocked her back and forth.
“Hey there. What are you doing up so late? Were you waiting up for me?” He gazed down at her, memorizing every single detail. Her lips were perfect and pink, and her dark hair was already so long, curling at the ends, and her nose was so, so tiny. Izumi cooed, a small, little noise as he stroked her cheek.
If he felt lighter before, he was flying now.