Chapter Text
The air in the room she paced back and forth in felt tight and warm, though she wasn’t sure if the heat was because of the temperature or her nerves. She had been watching out the window for hours at the progress the people of Norvrandt were making on their ambitious project – a golem of all things, to pluck Mount Gulg from the heavens itself. It awed her – their drive and perseverance to see a project so seemingly impossible to the end. It shouldn’t have surprised her as much as it did – she had succeeded in plans that seemed much more impossible, after all.
But nothing was more impossible than the conundrum she was facing now.
The poor miqo’te had been weighing her options for longer than she cared to think about. She was almost certainly about to face her death - and a very painful one, at that. Y’shtola and Urianger had delicately explained to her the possible consequences of absorbing so much light aether in terms that she could understand. Despite being an apparent powerhouse of the stuff, she could never quite wrap her mind around what exactly it all meant. They had tried to assure her that they would do everything in her power to make sure she didn’t burst into flames – and she believed them – but she knew better than anyone that sometimes no matter how hard you tried, there are some people you just can’t save.
And so, with the possibility of her premature death all sorted out in her head, there was something that was bothering her even more than dying before she could even reach the ripe age of eighteen: whether or not to tell Alisaie Leveilleur that she was in love with her.
N’adana Vhet had been hopelessly in love with her friend for months now. Ever since they traveled together in Doma, spent countless nights together talking and passing out on each other’s shoulders, and leaning on each other after all the other Scions had been pulled onto the First – she had been a goner from the very start, even if she hadn’t seen it until now.
Now. she watched her bustle around the small village of Amity, leaning against the window frame, her white hair and red coat easily identifiable in the crowd of eager helpers. She couldn’t help but smile as Alisaie nodded towards a hyur woman and helped her pick up some boxes, filled with gods-knows-what supplies, and taking them across the town center as a part of a perfectly-oiled machine, people passing through each other as they went about their assigned tasks. As much as Alisaie complained, N’adana knew that she would do anything to help people in need. She had seen it for herself, held her time and time again as she sobbed and yelled in frustration at all the friends she couldn’t save.
N’adana didn’t want to burden her with another weight on her shoulders – guilt and regret about what she could have done or what she should have said. But at the same time, could she really deny it any longer? Let herself die on a world that wasn’t her own and never let Alisaie know how much she cared for her? Loved her?
The thought made her nauseous, more-so than the aetheric sickness that bubbled up as she absorbed more and more light aether. If her life is what it took to save the First and the Source, she would forfeit it in a heartbeat.
But what of the advice Shtola had given her in Rak’tika? N’adana had been whirring with anxiety ever since she had seen Alisaie again, and she may have let her feelings slip to Shtola when the older woman prodded her about the fact that she had mentioned Alisaie a good ten times in the hour since reuniting at Fort Gohn.
You are still but a child, Adana. You may have responsibilities as Hydaelyn’s chosen, but do not let that stop you from loving someone. Your love and compassion are what make you such a wonderful person, and is indeed what Hydaelyn must have admired most when she chose you. Do not repress what is most special about you.
Gods, Y’shtola really knew how to get in her head, didn’t she? She did have a point, N’adana conceded – if she was going to die before her mother even let her drink alcohol, then she should at least tell the girl she loved how she felt, right?
It was settled, then – she would go tell Alisaie right then and now how she felt before the whir of pre-battle preparations distracted them from any chance of speaking before the ascent of Mount Gulg. Her mind whirled with how she would approach the topic – simply laying out her feelings seemed the best course, and she mentally prepared herself for rejection. She made a mental footnote to stress the fact that she did not want pity – she did not want her final hours with her best friend to be a lie, forced to make her feel better or at peace before she succumbed to the Light.
Just as she was reaching for the doorknob to step outside, she almost ran into the Exarch as he peaked in to check on her. “Apologies, N’adana,” he backed up to give her space as she closed the door behind her, joining him on the creaking wood of the building’s front porch. “I came to inform you that preparations are complete. Your fellow Scions have already left to aid in the activation of the golem, and wanted to invite you to watch it with me from Amity.” She could detect a warm smile underneath his hood.
Shit, she thought to herself, heart sinking into her stomach. All she could hope for now was an opening to speak with her before the ascent and hope for the best.
“Sure,” she gave the Exarch a weak smile, walking with him towards the center of the small town to join the Chai’s to witness the golem rise from between the mountains. Despite how awe-inspiring the sight was, N’adana’s thoughts were clouded with what she could possibly say to Alisaie when they were together again, fighting alongside each other for possibly the last time.
It wasn’t until she was hiking up the steep hill towards the cluster of Scions – her Scions – waiting for her so that they could ascend the mountain together, that she felt an overwhelming sense of clarity. Her breath caught in her throat as Alisaie stepped out from behind Urianger, the wind gently tugging at her red sleeves as she waved at her.
Even though her feet were planted firmly on stable ground, she felt as if she was already standing at the top of Mount Gulg, her breath shallow and her chest tight.
And she was ready to jump.