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Daichi is late.
Daichi is late and Suga is not surprised. Which he thinks is what makes it all the worse.
Every year since they were first-years, Daichi and Suga have spent the weeks leading up to exams revising together, studying together, working together. Their rare free lunches would be spent reading flashcards, they’d toss English definitions and math formulas back and forth in time with the ball during warmups, they’d walk home and quiz each other on famous figures in history. And then they’d have a laugh, smile and have a moment of freedom between it all where they could just be friends, not students with the looming shadow of exams creeping upon them.
But Daichi is late, to their traditional study meeting, and Suga isn’t surprised because Daichi has been late every day for the last two weeks. It had started with Daichi stumbling in after Suga, apologies spilling from his lips as he explained he was saying goodbye to Michimiya. Then it had been five minutes late because he was talking to Michimiya, and then it was fifteen minutes late because he wanted to eat with her before they started studying. Now, he’s half an hour late and they have maybe fifteen minutes before class starts and he’s not here.
And Suga gets it, he really does.
He knows that Daichi and Michimiya have been dancing on the edge of something since they were in middle school, that years of friendship and trust had slowly twisted into that freeness and excitement of young love. It had been a breath of fresh air, a sigh of relief, when Daichi had said that he and Michimiya had started dating, because it had been dancing on the edge of his being for as long as Suga had known him.
He knows that Daichi and Michimiya are tentatively starting something new, that they have a need to be by each other’s sides, and he doesn’t begrudge them for it. But it hurts to know that part of him is being left behind by Daichi in this new relationship.
He inhales, trying to control the rising frustration and hurt in his chest, before he gathers his books into his arm, standing up with a sigh. He knows where he’ll find Daichi, know that he and Michimiya will likely be outside enjoying the few dregs of sunlight that are beginning to spread through their days.
It’s not that far, the walk between the classroom to the bench where they, and their friends, like to lounge and relax in those moments where they can just be. Suga can see the crowd of them, sitting on the grass under a tree, and tries not to be upset.
Daichi and Michimiya are picking at their lunches, a grin on Michimiya’s face as she tilts her head up to look at Daichi and Daichi laughing in response to what she’s saying. It’s cute, but it isn’t enough to quell the anger, the hurt, that bubbles away beneath Suga’s skin at the sight of them.
Asahi is the one that notices him first, a smile working across his gentle face in recognition. But Suga can see, even from a distance, that the smile has faded into that more solemn, serious contemplation that makes him a great leader on the court.
He nudges Daichi lightly in the side with his elbow, drawing Daichi’s attention off of Michimiya. He looks up from his lunch, eyes widening when he spots Suga and the small pile of books in his arms. Suga is used to what a guilty Daichi looks like, with his hunched shoulders and his downturned lips. That’s the Daichi that stands up and makes his way over to where Suga is standing, Asahi on his heels with a small frown on his face.
‘I thought we were supposed to be studying together,’ comes out before Suga can stop himself, when Daichi stops in front of him. It’s not unkind, a little bit hurt more than anything, to even his own ears. Asahi steps between them, ever the peacemaker, but Suga tightens his hold his books and steeps back a step.
A sheepish smile works across Daichi’s face as he reaches into his pocket, checking his phone and the time. A flash of surprise, of guilt, works across his face when he reads the time, when he realises how long it had been.
‘I didn’t realise how long it had been, I’m sorry,’ Daichi say, but Suga knows him well enough to recognise that he’s distracted, that he’s not really sorry.
‘You could have just told me that you didn’t want to study together,’ Suga says, voice level and firm as he looks at Daichi. ‘You know I wouldn’t have minded.’
And he wouldn’t have minded, he would have been to fine to study on his own if he hadn’t been waiting Daichi the entire time he was also trying to do his Math homework. But instead there had been the constant reminder, the constant checking of his phone, the constant hurt at having been forgotten.
‘I do want to study,’ Daichi says, hands up in a placating motion, ‘I just didn’t realise I’d be so late. I didn’t mean to leave you waiting so long.’
‘But you knew I’d be waiting,’ Suga mutters, trying to keep his voice for sounding bitter. He knows that Daichi didn’t hear, not when his smile doesn’t fade, not when his eyes are dating over to where Michimiya is chatting to Aihara.
But Asahi must have heard, his hand resting lightly on Suga’s shoulder.
‘Calm down,’ he says, low and gentle as he always is.
Suga does not, in fact, calm down.
Suga doesn’t get angry, not in the bright and loud indignant way that Hinata can be, or the burning and simmering way Nishinoya can be. He doesn’t like to take out his anger on other people, doesn’t like it to be seen, so he inhales in deep and steady.
‘Just, tell me next time,’ he says with an exhausted sigh. ‘Rather than make me wait the whole time.’
Suga chews on a rice ball, from the convenience store next to the school. They’re always dry and a not quite enough to fill him up at the end of the day, but they’re cheap and they’re always in stock, even in the afternoon.
He’s got two more tucked into his bag, as well as a packet of chips that he doesn’t really like.
Twice a week, on Wednesdays and Friday, Suga doesn’t have volleyball practice. Instead he has a two-and-a-half-hour class that he attends to prepare him for his upcoming exams. He’s the one who chose the prep school, from the five that his parents had found through recommendations from their friends, family and the lady down the road. He’d chosen it because it had a good reputation, and there was a bus stop right outside.
He would not have signed if he had known that there would be company.
‘Well, look who finally made it,’ Oikawa says, folding himself over his desk in a lazy sprawl that never ceases to make Suga’s eye twitch. ‘I thought you’d finally given up. Did you get me anything?’
Suga sighs, and hands him the two extra rice balls and the packet of chips.
‘Someone’s grumpy,’ Oikawa says, slipping back into a proper seated position as he unwraps the spicy tuna and stuffs it into his mouth. His next words are garbled, but just as falsely bright as he always is. ‘Not even a hello, I expected better from you.’
‘Just shut up,’ Suga says, slipping into the seat next to Oikawa. ‘We’re here to study.’
‘Oh, someone’s really grumpy.’ Oikawa’s voice has slipped into true delight, and Suga can’t help but be reminded of all the reasons he can’t stand Oikawa. ‘You’ll have to tell me all about it after class.’
‘And it’s stupid,’ Suga says, ‘I know it is.’
‘It isn’t,’ Oikawa protest, noisily sucking his soda through his store. They’re in their favourite burger joint, the one they’ve gone to every Friday after class for the past few months. Suga doesn’t remember how it started, but it’s a tradition that he will admit he looks forward to. It’s nice to speak and be heard when he’s with Oikawa. ‘I mean, Iwa-chan would not do that to me, and you wouldn’t do it to him.’
Suga opens his mouth to protest, ‘I mean—'
Oikawa lifts a single finger.
‘You would never do that to Sawamura.’ he says with an intensity that Suga is normally only used to seeing from the other side of the volleyball court. ‘You’re a better person than him.’
Suga doesn’t have the energy, the kindness, to argue in the face of Oikawa’s words and he barely can resist the small smile that works across his face at the compliment.
Oikawa takes another annoyingly loud sip of his drink, with that same intensity that Suga has come to recognise as him problem solving. He already knows that he’s the one who’s going to regret whatever comes out of Oikawa’s mouth, and yet he can’t wait to hear it.
‘What if,’ Oikawa says, holding a single finger out in front of him, ‘you did that to him?’
‘What?’
‘What if gave him a taste of his own medicine? Show him exactly how he’s been treating you and then some?’
Oikawa looks excited, with a grin on his face that spells trouble.
‘No.’
‘Listen,’ Oikawa braces himself forward, leaning over the table in his excitement, ‘all you need to do is date someone for, like, a few months. Play it like he does, let yourself be late to things, don’t reply to his texts straight away.’ Oikawa says, as if it is that simple. ‘Pay back exactly how he treated you.’
‘That’s awful,’ Suga says, horrified.
‘No. It’s genius.’
‘Why would anyone do that? How could I date someone in good faith, if that were my only purpose for dating them?’
Suga can’t help but feel instinctual rise of worry at the mere concept of deliberately sidelining Daichi, of making the conscious choice to dedicate his time to someone else just because he was mad about how Daichi was treating him. It feels unfair, and it feels false.
‘Then just pretend to date someone, or something,’ Oikawa says with a careless wave of his hand. ‘You don’t really need to date someone, just make him think that you are.’
‘Who would even agree with that?’
There’s a beat of silence, for too long. Suga is well used to Oikawa being trouble, this whole conversation has occurred because Oikawa is trouble, and yet there’s something similar to dread and anticipation that bubbles in his stomach at the quiet, contemplative look on Oikawa’s face.
‘I’d do it.’
Suga laughs because that’s all he can do in the situation. The turn in the conversation doesn’t feel real, feels so far from the usual conversations about friends and volleyball that he and Oikawa dance around in their after-class snacks. And yet Oikawa is looking at him, as genuine as any other conversation they’ve ever had, more so.
‘Why?’
‘Because I don’t like seeing you upset like this, I don’t like him walking over you like this.’ And Suga is almost touched by the simplicity and the straightforwardness of the words, in the way Oikawa’s eyes are soft despite the firm line of his mouth. ‘And it would piss off Tobio-chan.’
Suga lets out another bleat of laughter, trying to diffuse the tension that sits below his skin at the sincerity of his statement, at the thought of manipulating Daichi like that, at the thought of dating Oikawa. ‘Thank you for the offer, but I can’t do something like that, not to him.’
‘It’s nothing more than what he’s done to you. Let yourself be the priority in your friendship, for once.’
Suga deals with Oikawa’s stupid idea the same way he deals with the rest of Oikawa’s stupid ideas. He thinks about it for twenty minutes on the bus back towards his house and then forgets about it as soon as he’s distracted by the cat that lives next door to him.
It should drift back into the back of his mind, along with the time Oikawa suggested they bribe their exam prep teacher with the meagre two thousand and seven yen they had in their pockets the one time Oikawa spilt burger sauce on his homework.
And it does, at first.
It’s only half a week later, when Suga is watching the first and second years toss a ball back and forth in a very competitive game of Keep Away that is supposed to be a training exercise, that the words begin to creep back into his mind.
‘Why are you guys even doing this?’ he asks from the side of the gym, sitting against the wall as he watches Hinata bat the ball away from Kageyama with a battle cry of excitement. ‘Don’t you have exams to study for?’
There’s a moment when the kids freeze, especially the known problems who still haven’t picked up their studies despite repeat instances of rushing to a game last minute after the supplementary classes and exams.
‘We’ve done so much study, so much serious stuff we thought it’d be a good idea to just have some fun,’ Hinata flusters, looking over his shoulder at Suga and his pile of textbooks. ‘And we didn’t have enough for a full team so we thought it might be better to do something similar.’
Suga can barely resist the laugh that bubbles out of that. The thing is that he can’t blame them, education is already secondary to so many of them and there has been a lot of pressure on them between training and exams.
It’s nice to see them let go, to see them having fun.
Suga is sure that in time he’ll be able to step away from the hellscape that is exam preparation and just breathe, just be himself in the way he hasn’t since his teachers stared him down and told him that this year was the year.
Kageyama taps the ball away from Narita, landing with as much energy and enthusiasm as he does when they’ve played a particularly good rally. It earns him a whoop of excitement from Nishinoya, and a punch to the arm from Hinata.
‘And why did you need me for this?’
There’s a beat of silence, and Suga knows that it isn’t because of the changeover as Narita becomes the victim of their game.
It’s Yamaguchi who says it first, with that earnest smile of his and that openness that has always endeared him to seniors and teachers alike.
‘Well, it’s just that we need supervision for this, because we’re using the gym,’ he explains with that little bit of embarrassment and honesty that is so singular to who he is. ‘And we figured that you’d be okay with studying in here with us rather than studying alone in the library.’
Suga decides to be kind and not point out the fact that the library is quiet and peaceful, and the gym is filled with scream of excitement and the pounding of feet against wood as someone rushes forward in the game.
‘We didn’t want to disturb Sawamura,’ Nishinoya enthuses, grin on his face and sweat dripping from his brow. ‘It’s so great to see him and Michimiya finally together, after all this time.’
Something in Suga’s stomach curls at the words, although he knows that none of them mean any harm by it, none of them realise that they’re taking something that has been niggling at the back of his mind and pressing it that bit deeper.
‘It’s great, knowing how reliable you are!’ Hinata says, the game abandoned as the younger students look up at him. ‘We really like knowing that you’re going to be there for us.’
And it’s a compliment, and it’s kind, but something about it settles weirdly between Suga’s shoulders. He smiles, but it echoes in his head.
‘I’ll do it,’ Suga says, walking into their prep school and dropping his bag on the floor next to Oikawa. He shoves the melon bun and drink forward into Oikawa’s hands, and stands there looking down at him because he knows that he needs to not chicken out.
‘You’ll do what?’ Oikawa looks up through his glasses, eyes wide and confused as the other students stream in around them.
‘The fake dating thing, I’ll do it.’
‘Fuck. Yes.’ Oikawa says with a fist pump.
Suga has never been to Oikawa’s house before. That’s nothing surprising, there’s no reason why he should have, they’re friends in the very loosest of words and their shared time has always been in the moments around their class. He had no preconceptions, no ideas what would be waiting for him when he followed Oikawa into his home.
At least he thought it was.
Until he walked into Oikawa’s room and saw Iwaizumi sitting in Oikawa’s desk chair, eating from a plate of sliced apple that Oikawa’s mother must have brought up earlier.
‘I thought that it would just be us here,’ Suga says when he follows Oikawa into the room.
‘Someone has to keep an eye on this idiot,’ Iwaizumi says. ‘I thought you’d at least be smart enough to turn down his ridiculous idea, but it looks like it’s my job to be the brains of the operation.’
There’s a squawk of denial, as Oikawa throws a pillow at Iwaizumi’s head.
Suga can’t even deny it, not really. There’s something at the back of his mind that tells him that this is a terrible idea, that he’s going to regret agreeing to this plan. But he also knows that there is a big part of him that is petty, that wants, needs, to do this.
Iwaizumi must see it, because he just huffs as he leans back into Oikawa’s chair and pulls out his phone. Suga can’t help but notice that Iwaizumi seems unsurprised and at ease, as if this sort of ridiculousness is something that is to be expected of Oikawa. Perhaps it is.
‘Ignoring him,’ Oikawa says with a sniff, turning his back on Suga and pointing towards the bed. ‘We need to work out exactly how we are going to approach this, both to make sure that we don’t mess it up and to make sure that we’ve a bit of drama, but nothing is too dramatic.’
‘Everything with you is dramatic.’
Suga suppresses a laugh as Oikawa glares at Iwaizumi. He remembers Oikawa saying, with that absolute trust and certainty, that Iwaizumi would never ignore Oikawa, that Iwaizumi would never let his priorities get so skewed that someone was left behind. He can believe it, with the amused ease and laughter that underlies the teasing between them.
‘How should we approach it?’
Oikawa leans over, and again, again, Suga is struck with the intensity in his eyes, the determination, the seriousness that engulfs him. It’s a different Oikawa to the one that Suga is used to, and there’s something about the intensity that catches him off-guard, over and over again.
‘We need a backstory,’ Oikawa says, ‘something to convince them that we’ve been together for only a little while but it’s important to us. Perhaps we could say that you’d always seen me as your rival, and then you decided to challenge me to a game, and—‘
‘I thought,’ Suga interrupts with a laugh, because even with the intensity Oikawa could still carry that lightness, that freedom that lessens that pressure in Suga’s chest, ‘that perhaps we could just say that our after class dinners became actual dates.’
Oikawa’s face freezes, for a moment before his face melts back into that blinding, bright smile. ‘An even better idea, I really should have expected the best from you. It’s simple, but romantic.’
For a moment Suga tries to picture it, the shared moments of laughter and complaining turning into something a bit sweeter, something that lingered a bit longer. It made the most sense, when he first thought of how they could follow the idea that Oikawa had tossed into the ether, but saying the words, looking at Oikawa and thinking about dating him, makes the idea settle into place in a way that shouldn’t feel as right as it does. ‘You guys do realise,’ Iwaizumi says, looking up from his phone with a grin that even Suga knows means trouble, ‘that you need to set boundaries. Like if you are going to hold hands, or kiss.’
Suga freezes.
‘I vote for kissing in front of Tobio-chan,’ Oikawa says, with way too much enthusiasm. ‘He’ll hate that.’
‘Absolutely not.’
Practice was long, edging into too exhausting despite the satisfaction the that work brings. Suga isn’t even going compete in any more games, at least not officially now that his volleyball season at high school is over. But he can’t bare to walk away from practice, not after it’s been such a central part of his life for so, so, long.
Suga is going to miss this, the camaraderie that he’s built with this group of boys even though he knows that he’s going to join the university team, wherever he ends up. There’s something special about the group of them, something about they way they settle into each other and the way he knows so many of them are going to go far that makes him more comfortable than anything.
He’s on the sidelines, watching as Hinata and Kageyama push themselves that little bit more at the end of the day, when the gym door opens, and silence falls over the large room.
‘What is he doing here?’ Hinata says, the ball dropping to the floor as he looks at Oikawa, standing in the entrance of the gym. Oikawa is in his uniform, bag thrown over his shoulder as he waves first at Kageyama and then at Daichi.
Suga knew, to an extent, that Oikawa was going to enjoy this. He knew that half the reason that Oikawa brought it up, half the reason he was so excited to embark on this was because he knew that it would be amusing, that it would annoy the team, that it would be fun for him.
He can see it, the joy in Oikawa’s eyes as he walks through the room towards where the group of them are standing.
‘Sorry for disturbing,’ Oikawa says, turning towards where their Sensei and Coach are standing in the corner. Even with the joy, even with the mischief, in his eyes, there’s that sweetness and innocence and politeness that has endeared him to both adults and fans alike. ‘But I was told that your practice was supposed to finish fifteen minutes ago and I didn’t want to wait outside.’
‘Are you here to spy?’ Tanaka says, leaning forward and into Oikawa’s space. He looks like an angry puppy, and it’s clear that Oikawa thinks the same thing. ‘Seijoh aren’t going to beat us, you aren’t going to learn our secrets.’
‘I’m not here to spy on you,’ Oikawa says, rolling his eyes before he turns a small smirk towards Kageyama. ‘I’m here to pick up my boyfriend.’
He points to Suga, and there’s exactly ten seconds of silence before the gym explodes with sound.
Oikawa tips his head back in excitement, laughter bright and loud as they walk away from the school and back towards the bus stop. He turns to Suga, smile broad. ‘Did you see their faces? That was worth everything!’
Suga can’t even disagree, because there was something perversely amusing about watching his friends’ breakdown in surprise and yelling at the news that he was dating Oikawa without telling him.
‘It was pretty good, wasn’t it?’
‘I can’t tell what was better, when Chibi-chan fell over or when Tobio-chan stuttered for the full thirty seconds. I wish I took a photo of it, to save forever.’
His eyes are sparkling with joy, even as the sun sets around them, and the heat starts to wane. Suga can’t really stop looking at it, and he’s suddenly grateful that it’s Oikawa that he’s doing this with, that it’s someone who sees the lightness of the situation.
‘Thank you,’ Suga says. ‘For doing this with me.’
Oikawa looks at Suga, and his smile drops that bit more into something softer and more genuine in the moment. ‘No problem, I’m glad I could help.’
Daichi isn’t late to their study session, the next day.
He’s the first one there, sitting at a desk with his fingers tapping away at the wood in that tell-tale sign of impatience that Suga is well used to after three years. His books are closed, pen abandoned to the side and Suga knows what he wants to talk about.
The thing about him and Dachi is that they would still be friends, best friends, even without the shared interest of volleyball. There’s shared interest, shared respect and he’s one of the people that Suga likes spending time with the most.
And that’s why it hurt, he thinks, to know that Diachi was willing to let him wait, to (as much as it hurts him to admit it) take advantage of the fact that Suga’s patience.
And that’s why it hurts more, to lie to him.
‘You didn’t tell me that you were dating Oikawa,’ Daichi says, once Suga has sat down at the desk.
‘It’s new,’ Suga says, keeping his voice soft and that bit more careful. It’s what he and Oikawa had agreed on, to ensure that it wasn’t too unbelievable that they were together. ‘We were trying to work out just how it was going before we told anyone anything.’
He links his fingers, watching the way Daichi’s shoulders tighten that little bit.
He knows Daichi, almost as well as he knows himself, so he knows that Daichi isn’t going to be mad at him. But there’s that nervousness that sits in his stomach, because that’s still not saying much, as he waits for the response from one of his best friends.
‘Are you happy?’
He doesn’t know if he’s relieved or if he’s guilty when he responds, ‘Yeah, I am.’
‘Then that’s all that matter then.’
They technically don't need to go on dates, because who is going to notice where they are and whether they're together.
Still, Oikawa is quick to emphasise that they need some semblance of believability and insists that he and Suga hang out together and take lots of selfies together. Suga can't find any reason to disagree and is happy to join Oikawa as they make their way towards the nearest shopping mall
'We need to make sure we establish that we are both super dedicated to each other without slipping into sickly sweet territory,' Oikawa says, stepping away to frame the street with his fingers. He likes photos, Suga has learnt, and will often flick through the photos in an attempt to remember something from the past. 'So we need some romantic photos, some casual photos, maybe even some candids of each other. What's your background on your phone?'
Suga unlocks his phone, fingers tapping against the screen to bring up the photo of the team from their last training camp with Nekoma. It's a sweet photo, friends hanging off each other as they all grin at the camera, and he tips it to the side so that Oikawa can see it.
'I should probably change it,' Suga suggests. 'Probably the lock screen as well, Asahi has a habit of picking up my phone and checking it for me.'
'So, I should send you texts in school, so that he can see them,' Oikawa muses. 'Are you more a selfie of us kind of boyfriend? Or are a photo of me when I was distracted kind of boyfriend?'
Suga hums lightly, turning to look up at Oikawa as they make their way down the road. He’s different, away from the fluorescence of a fast food store, the dullness of a classroom and the vastness of the volleyball court. He’s softer, against the buildings that line of the street and the dying sunlight that stretches between the alleys that pass them by.
He can’t resist turning his phone on, flicking over the camera and slowing to a stop. ‘I think a candid person,’ he says, just as Oikawa stops to turn and look over his shoulder. He’s looking at Oikawa through the screen, lips curled up into a smile as he captures Oikawa’s confused little frown against the sunset behind him. ‘Perfect,’ Suga hums, turning his camera around and showing Oikawa the shot.
Oikawa’s ears flare pink as he turns on his heel, and Suga wishes he was fast enough with his phone to capture the small, embarrassed smile on Oikawa’s face. He finds himself hoping that he’ll get a moment like that again, hoping that he can capture it for himself.
‘That will work,’ Oikawa says, his voice is a little strangled as he turns away. Suga knows Oikawa well enough that this embarrassment isn’t going to last much longer before Oikawa covers it up with a laugh and that carefree grin of his. ‘You have to make sure you keep your phone somewhere where your friends will see it. Do you think it will be enough to convince your friend?’
Suga can’t help letting out a small laugh at that. ‘He’s a romantic, finds the beauty in everything. I’m sure he’ll think it’s a great photo.’
Asahi would definitely ask about the moment, the state of their relationship, when he saw it because he could see a story in everything. When they first announced that they were together, Asahi had been the first to congratulate Suga and Oikawa and Suga knows that he will cherish that for a long time.
‘But,’ and Suga can’t resist the smile that rises at Oikawa’s shoulder’s stiffening, at the slight edge that overtakes the other boy, ‘I think we should probably also take a photo together, don’t you?’ He grabs Oikawa by the sleeve, stepping in so their pressed together to fit into the small screen of the camera. ‘Smile!’
It’s only later, when they’re walking towards the bus stop that Suga’s phone goes off, the buzz of his palm barely noticeable between the laughter that Suga can’t keep from bursting out because Oikawa actually has a great sense of humour. Suga checks it instinctively, and it draws him out of his laughter as he reads the short text that Daichi sent him.
‘Hey.’ Oikawa catches his hand, as Suga is about to unlock his phone. ‘Leave it.’
‘I should respond,’ Suga says, ‘it’s only polite.’
Oikawa presses his hand down, draws Suga’s eyes away from the small screen and towards him. He has his serious face on again, and Suga is starting to feel like he’s seen that more in the past few days than he has in the entire time he has known Oikawa.
‘There’s no true rule about how soon you should respond to a message,’ he says. ‘You do not need to respond straight away.’
Suga’s grip flexes around his phone, as he looks up at Oikawa. ‘I know that, but I just don’t like to keep people waiting,’ he says. It’s not that he needs to respond straight away, but there’s something about seeing a message and ignoring that has never quite sat well with Suga.
‘Look,’ Oikawa says, ‘we’re having a good time, right? And I’m the one who you’re spending time with right now. I’d personally say that it’s ruder for you to be texting someone else while you’re with me.’
He’s joking, his voice light and, honestly, he’s been texting Iwaizumi for the last hour or so, sporadically whenever they’re at a traffic light or Suga looked at something for too long. But there’s also that little ring of truth that makes Suga feel that little bit ashamed even as he hesitates to slip his phone back into his pocket.
‘There’s nothing that could go wrong with me not replying to him,’ Suga says, thumb tapping at the base of his phone as he looks up at Oikawa. He doesn’t know why this feels like such a big deal. ‘But I just feel like it’s wrong not to.’
‘Okay,’ Oikawa sighs, ‘time to rephrase.’
Suga raises an eyebrow, as he looks at Oikawa. He’s already drafting a reply in his head, and he hates it as he tries to focus on the taller boy in front of him.
‘What was Sawamura texting you about?’
‘Just some questions about homework,’ Suga says. ‘We’ve got—’
‘Okay,’ Oikawa says with a hand held up as he cuts Suga off. ‘And is it life or death?’
Suga shakes his head.
‘Is it something that you would personally find enjoyable to answer?’
Suga can’t help the way his face flinches up, he’s alright at most of his studies but Daichi’s question had been about English, something that Suga doesn’t want to focus on too much right now, not when they have a Physics exam looming.
‘Were you having more fun talking to me than thinking about your homework?’ Oikawa asks, and it’s similar to how he phrased the question earlier, but there’s something underneath it. He’s harsh, Suga can’t help but realise. No-one else is that blunt with him, not in that pointed and brisk way. ‘Because I know you were.’
Suga swallows, and looks down at his phone.
‘Just focus on what you enjoy, for once, especially since exams are getting closer,’ Oikawa suggests, lowering his voice just that little bit, although it doesn’t lose that bluntness, that pinpoint accuracy. Suga tucks his phone away in his pocket, and he’s not sure if he’s doing it for himself or if he’s doing it for Oikawa.
Suga isn’t one to retreat into his bedroom, into the solitude of his home and cut himself off from the rest of the world. He might not be as rambunctious as Hinata, or as loud as Nishinoya, but he revels in spending time with his friends despite being that bit quieter than a majority of their team.
But he finds himself exhausted, after a week of dodging questions from his teammates and exuberant plans that Oikawa is coming up with in this ridiculous act of theirs.
He isn’t sure, if he’s honest, whether he thinks this is a good idea or not. The lies are bitter on the tip of his tongue, when Asahi asks about what he and Oikawa got up to on the weekend, when Kageyama scowls at Oikawa’s teasing grin, when Daichi catches himself from making plans because he knows that Suga and Oikawa have plans. But it’s too late for Suga to turn back on it now.
At least, he thinks, he enjoys his time with Oikawa when the pair of them are together.
They’ve gone from meeting up at the prep school to Oikawa waiting for Suga after practice, the two of them making their trips to the convenience store together and talking about everything from volleyball to the newest drama that Iwaizumi has recently gotten into. (Stupid, says Oikawa. Amusing, says Suga.)
They hang out, take photos together, plaster it over social media and talk and Suga finds that he enjoys it in the moments between, when they’re not actively thinking about the fake dating thing and just enjoying themselves.
It’s a shame, he can’t help but think, that it isn’t real.
The classrooms at Karasuno are a little bit on the colder side, and Suga curls closer towards the heat radiation from the heater on the side of the room. They’re in one of the short breaks between classes, when they’re allowed to be themselves and not students for a few moments. It’s never quite quiet during these moments, more laughter and chatter as they wait for their next teacher to show up.
Daichi, Asahi and Suga are grouped together in the middle of the classroom as they tend to in these moments, and Suga’s face is pulled into a broad smile as they try to fit as much conversation into less than ten minutes as they can.
‘How about you guys come by on Saturday afternoon, and we can just chill and play some video games?’ Asahi offers, leaning back into his chair with excitement dancing on the edges of his smile. Not for the first time, Suga can’t help but think that he deserves so much more than the misunderstandings of high school students and their assumptions.
‘That sounds like a good idea,’ Suga says, tapping his fingers against the desk. ‘It’s been ages since we were able to hangout and do something other than homework. I should be free after lunch?’
‘Works for me,’ Asahi’s already got a broad smile on his face, but it fades at the tightness that has appeared on Daichi’s face.
‘I don’t think I can make it,’ he says, apology clear in the corners of his mouth and the shadows of his eyes. ‘Michimiya and I have plans on Saturday, it’s our 100-day anniversary.’
‘Already?’ Asahi says, ‘congratulations!’
‘Congratulations,’ Suga echoes, because he is genuinely happy for his friend, happy that he managed to find something that will undoubtedly last past the first hundred days into the many years beyond. He can’t believe the days have blinked by, can’t believe they’ve had this much happiness.
Can’t believe he’s felt left behind for this long.
‘Can we perhaps try to do it on the Sunday, instead?’ Daichi offers, and there’s such an eager smile at his face that it makes Suga feel bad when his own smile begins to pull at that corners.
‘I can’t do Sunday,’ Suga says, because he actually can’t. ‘I’m supposed to have dinner with Oikawa’s sister and his nephew that day.’
It’s not even a deliberate choice, as Oikawa had suggested they do when they first considered the idea of fake dating. Not anything like the spite that underlay Oikawa’s playful suggestion, nothing like the plans they had to remind Daichi just exactly what was happening.
He had plans, and they weren’t compatible with Daichi’s.
‘Another time, then,’ Asahi says, as if it is no big deal. ‘How about the weekend after that?’
It’s simple, and easy, for them to make their plans for that weekend instead and the decisions are made just like that.
‘Could it be that we’re just… growing up?’ Suga asks, from where he’s reclining on a park bench. The thought has been rolling through his head since his conversation with Asahi and Daichi, lingering on the edge of his consciousness. ‘And we’re growing apart?’
Oikawa links his fingers together as a considering look works across his face, although one eye is still on his nephew and friends across the park.
‘Well, things weren’t always going to stay the same as when we started high school,’ he says.
‘I know that, I’ve always known that,’ Suga says, because he knows that he and Daichi are going to go separate ways, at least for a while, once they graduate from high school. ‘I just hoped that it wasn’t going to happen quite so early. I thought at least until the end of Summer.’ When he had to move away from University, and Daichi started his police training.
‘So why are you thinking about it so much?’
‘Do you think I was overreacting? For getting mad when it could just as well just how things are supposed to be going?’
‘You know I don’t,’ Oikawa says with a shake of his head. ‘But I can see where you’re coming from.’
Suga exhales, tipping his head back to take in the wide expanse of the sky, to look at the endlessness of it all. He knows this is one of those moments where it’s supposed to be about him, just as so much of the past few weeks of their friendship has been, and he hates both the vulnerability of it and the way he is so, so, grateful for Oikawa in these moments.
‘I don’t think he should have treated me the way he did,’ Suga says, each word feeling like a chore as he tries to sort the thoughts that are running through his head. ‘He shouldn’t have just left me waiting because his life was moving on, but we’re going in a new direction and I have to work out where I sit in all of that.’
Oikawa tilts his head to the side, looking over at him with something like a smile lurking at the back of his eyes.
‘Things are only going to change more,’ Suga reflects, ‘and I’m not going to let myself get caught up in it, not anymore.’
The thing is that Suga isn’t a pushover, not really. He’s never been one, despite his tendency to put on a smile and speak that bit softer than his friends. He’s willing to make a stand where he needs to, fill a space with laughter, to slap someone into place, to dig his feet in and be as stubborn as he wants.
He knows that it’s better that he faces these problems now than to let it slip away, because it’ll only make Daichi slip away.
‘Do you want to stop, then?’ Oikawa says, quietly.
He should, Suga knows, he should stop this and clear up the mess before it gets more tangled than it already is.
But.
‘I don’t know.’
The thing is that it feels so natural, when he and Oikawa spend their time together. It doesn’t feel like a chore, like Suga is dragging himself forward in order to get through the hours that they’ve spent together. If anything, it’s felt like a pleasant surprise to be able to spend more time with Oikawa beyond the small classroom they spent most of their time together before this entire venture.
And maybe, just maybe, Suga doesn’t want to think about that time being taken from him.
They’re in the classroom now, tucked away in a corner as they work through the piles of worksheets that get handed out. It’s counting down, day by day, until the exams, until the end of school, until these few hours that have become so constant and welcome come to an end.
‘Do you want to get burgers after?’ Oikawa says, turning to look across at Suga, smile on his face. ‘Or did you want to get udon?’
Neither places were very good, the burgers were too greasy and Oikawa still had the gall to slurp the straws until it echoed through the room, and the udon place was always filled with tired office employees trying to get a decent hot meal at the end of the day instead of having to cook.
Still, each place was theirs.
‘Burgers?’ Suga suggests, voice low so as not to draw the wrath of their tutor at the front of the room, who was going through some math problems with about as much enthusiasm as Tsukki being told that he had to hang out with Hinata for a whole day. ‘It’s been a couple of weeks since we last got them?’
Oikawa’s smile widens a little bit. ‘Excellent, I’ve heard they’ve got something new and I can’t wait to try it.’
Suga is almost completely sure that whatever is new is going to be a bit miserable and overpriced, but there is something about the way Oikawa perks up, leans deeper into his homework as if that helped that brings a smile to own face. He reaches over to pat Oikawa on the hand once then twice, intended to be a joking tap. But Oikawa catches his hand with a smirk, squeezing it too tight in a petty sort of revenge.
Suga doesn’t realise they’re still holding hands until he finishes his problem set.
Suga thinks that Oikawa’s favourite part of the day is when he comes to Karasuno to pick him up at the end of the day. There’s something dangerous in his eyes, something that looks petty and amused when he greets Kageyama and Hinata especially. It never fails to drag Suga back into the moment, to remember that the only condition that Oikawa had was that he got to pick Suga up after school, he got to rub it in the face of his two favourite juniors.
But then it melts, smooths over into a smile and something kinder when he sees Suga, when he walks over and takes his hands in their strangely ritualistic greeting.
‘Are you ready to go?’ Oikawa asks, fingers linked with Suga’s as he looks down with that gentle smile, not even paying attention to the two fuming first years behind him. ‘If we leave in the next ten minutes, we should be able to get the bus on time.’
‘Give me one minute, I just have to check something with the first years.’
It’s quick, drilling in the fact that they need to pass their exams and actually study instead of watching highlight reels and taking notes on how to improve their own. Tsukki doesn’t need the reminder, but Yamaguchi has been slacking a little bit under Hinata and Kageyama’s influence. And they’re all nodding earnestly (or three of them plus Tsukki rolling his eyes) as Suga waves goodbye and jogs out of the gym to where Oikawa is waiting by the door.
‘Thanks for waiting,’ Suga says, pulling his bag over his shoulder as they make their way across the school grounds.
Oikawa is silent, and not in the way that Suga is used to.
He looks up, watches the careful furrow of Oikawa’s brow as he looks off into the distance. Suga waits, because he’s patient and he knows Oikawa well enough to realise that there are words on the tip of his tongue, that he’s trying to think of something to say.
‘You’re good with them, all of them.’ Oikawa’s voice is quiet, serious and for once the intensity isn’t pinning Suga into place. This isn’t about him.
‘They’re my team,’ Suga says, because it’s that simple. They’re brothers and friends and rivals all in one, so tangled into each other that they’re always going to be apart of each other in one way or another.
Oikawa hums, a low steady sound as they continue walking.
‘When I came second best to Tobio, I was so jealous,’ Oikawa says, and Suga isn’t surprised. He knows that there’s something between these two boys, that no-one except maybe their best friends knows about. ‘And not even the quiet kind of jealous, the ugly kind where you become the worst version of yourself because of it. I’m still like that, most of the time.’
‘I was jealous too,’ Suga admits, but he knows it’s different.
He knows that one day volleyball will be his hobby on a Thursday night with a couple of people that he works with, or that he lives nearby, that it won’t be the all encompassing everything that it has been as long as he’s been at school.
He knows that volleyball runs in Oikawa’s blood, that he’ll be playing until he no longer physically can and even then he’ll probably be like Coach Ukai the Elder, growling on the side of the court with a stern eye that knows how to win.
He knows that coming second to Kageyama, for Oikawa, must have been a blow that he couldn’t shake.
‘How did you do it?’ Oikawa asks, and he sounds so soft as they step off the school grounds, make their way down the road. ‘How do you let go the way you do? You’re always so kind.’
Suga presses his lips together, running Oikawa’s questions through his head. It doesn’t feel like one he can simply answer, doesn’t feel like those frivolous questions they’ve tossed back and forth over the past few weeks to get to know each other that bit better.
‘I had to let it go, at least the negativity of it,’ he says, delicately because he doesn’t know if he’s going to say the wrong thing, or if he’s already said it. Oikawa’s already stiff in the shoulders, tense in a way that he hasn’t been in the entire time that Suga has known him. ‘So instead I let it inspire me, let it become something I had to grow from.’
‘I didn’t grow from it,’ Oikawa says, and it feels like each word is pulled from his very depths with great difficulty. ‘I don’t like the person I became, the person I become, when I think about what happened.’
‘I think you did,’ Suga says.
Oikawa stops, almost jerked back into place as he looks at Suga with wide, wide eyes. Suga can’t help the smile that works over his own face, as he looks up at the slightly lost, slightly wonderous look that has overtaken Oikawa’s expression.
‘Growth isn’t sudden, or strong or a straight line,’ Suga says, taking Oikawa’s hands and notices the slight tremor in them in that moment. He squeezes them in reassurance. ‘I don’t know what happened between you and Kageyama, and I don’t think I either of you are ready to let the rest of us know. But you’re not the same person that you were, compared to when you were in middle school. It’s been years. You’re obviously ashamed about how you acted, you know that how you responded to that jealousy was wrong. At least from what I can tell.’
‘But I shouldn’t have acted the way I did,’ Oikawa says.
‘You shouldn’t have, but would you act that way now?’
There’s another moment of silence, stretching between the pair of them and it feels like something has shifted in the way Oikawa’s eyes are that little bit less lost, that little bit less distant. Suga’s smile grows, from something soft and understanding into something that feels more like an expression of pride.
‘You’re a good person,’ Suga promises, ‘you’re learning how to express it. We all are.’
It doesn’t end in an explosion, in heated anger and raised voices, like it might have if it were anyone else.
Suga has thought a lot, since he first agreed to fake date Oikawa, and it hasn’t been tinged with the bitterness of being left behind. He’s thought about the fact that they’re growing up, that they’re moving on, that some things feel right and some things don’t.
He’s thought about the fact that Daichi is his best friend, and likely always will be his best friend.
So, he asks if he can talk to Daichi after school, alone.
‘I’ve agreed to eat lunch with Michimiya today,’ Daichi says, apologetic as they shrug their jackets on and pick up their bags.
Suga exhales, and it allows him to steady himself. Before, he would nod and he would turn his heel but Suga knows that he can’t keep doing this. ‘Then can we make another time to talk, because I really need to talk to you. It’s important.’
Daichi’s face smooths out, into that serious, steady look and Suga feels like his very soul is being read by his best friend.
‘Give me a minute,’ he says, and he turns on his heel, walking to the next classroom and disappearing.
Suga doesn’t let himself slump against the classroom wall, doesn’t let his fingers fiddle with the strap of his bag, as he watches the doorway, waits for Daichi. He doesn’t feel worried, not really, but there’s a nervous energy that bubbles beneath his skin that he can’t control.
Two minutes later, Daichi walks out.
‘I’m all yours.’
And it’s as easy as that.
‘Let’s go to the gym,’ Suga suggests, because it’s safe there, because it needs to just be the two of them, because it’s time for them to talk about it and this is the place that theirs.
Daichi doesn’t push, just nods and the two of them make their way through to the school. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but there’s something that weighs between them that Suga becomes more and more aware of with each step. He’s not sure if he’s worried about it, or if it’s relief that’s coursing through him in the moment.
Dachi is the one who opens the door, who steps in and then waits to close it behind Suga. It shuts the two of them in the same room, in the space, and Suga lets out another exhale.
Suga is the first one to sit down, tapping the space on the floor next to him for Daichi to join him, and he swallows when the two of them are sitting back down on the same level, in the centre of the court.
‘What did you want to talk about?’
Suga doesn’t know how to start, so he inhales carefully as he tries to settle his thoughts. ‘I think we need to talk about our friendship,’ Suga says, and it sounds so dramatic that he almost winces.
Daichi’s eyes widens.
‘We don’t really have time for each other, anymore,’ Suga hurries to stay, words lurching forward out of him. ‘And I don’t really like how that has happened.’
Daichi lets out a hum, and when he meets Suga’s eyes there’s something in his eyes that makes the tension between Suga’s shoulders melt away slightly. It’s serious, and understanding, and Suga knows that he should have brought this up earlier.
‘We haven’t spent much time together, recently. I’ve always been with Michimiya, or you’ve been with Oikawa.’
Suga winces, because he doesn’t really know how he’s going to bring it up. He hates lying to Daichi, but he doesn’t know if he’s more ashamed or embarrassed by the lies that he’s going to have to finally confront.
‘I’ve missed spending time with you, and Asahi,’ Suga continues. ‘And if we’re going to let each other slip away like this when we’re at high school, what’s going to happen when I go to university.’
‘We’re not going to let it happen,’ Daichi says, with the determination that got him the role of captain of the volleyball team.
‘Are you sure?’
‘You brought this up, we know what’s going on and we’re going to stay ahead of it.’
Suga lets himself smile, lets his relief wash through him because he trusts Daichi, trusts himself right now. It’s a small step, a short conversation, but it feels like a step that he didn’t know he needed to take.
‘Thanks, for talking to me about this,’ Suga says.
‘Thanks for being honest,’ Daichi says.
Suga laughs, a loud and awkward sound and he swallows. ‘About that, actually…’
‘So, you told him,’ Oikawa says, fiddling with his straw as he looks at Suga across the table.
They’re in their favourite burger shop, the one that’s close to class, and it’s as grubby as it’s always been. Suga’s got a burger and chips in front of him, and Oikawa is seconds away from his annoying slurping through the straw.
‘I told him,’ Suga confirms.
‘How’d he take it?’ There’s a sullenness to Oikawa’s voice, and Suga can’t help but note the slump into his shoulders. It makes him smile, that little bit, and he feels bad for the rising smile.
‘He thought it was hilarious,’ Suga says. ‘It took five minutes for him to stop laughing at me.’
Daichi had been shocked, for about thirty seconds, before he had broken into such a loud, full bodied laughter that some of the volleyball team had burst into the gym to make sure that it was okay.
He’d thought it was hilarious, that it was Suga of all people who had agreed to date someone in a petty sort of revenge.
That, at least, had released the anxiety that had clung to Suga the entire time this had been going on. And it had felt like that last of Suga’s insecurities had been washed away and all that was left was a sort of clarity that he hadn’t realised he needed.
‘It was our conversation about growth, that made me realised I needed to do it,’ Suga says, unprompted, and he can see the way Oikawa wrinkles up his nose slightly at what he’s saying. ‘I realised I needed to take action, I needed to take steps that would be better for me in the long term.’
‘That’s good,’ Oikawa says, and it almost sounds sincere, to the point where Suga lets out a laugh. Oikawa looks ashamed, in that immediate moment, and he mutters an apology that might not be the clearest, but Suga believes. ‘I supposed you’re feeling better about everything, I know that you didn’t really enjoy the fake dating thing.’
‘I didn’t, no,’ Suga says with a shake of his head. Oikawa’s head has ducked down, and he’s staring at the plastic table between them. It allows Suga to let a small smile grow over his face as he watches the ducked head of the other boy.
‘I suppose that’s the end of it now, since you’ve talked to Daichi and you’ve both decided to grow as people.’
And it would be.
Except.
Except this has always felt so natural. And they’ve fallen into place in a way that Suga never thought they would. And talking with Daichi had cleared up the lingering doubts, the embarrassment, the guilt that had thrummed beneath Suga’s skin and it had made him realise something.
Daichi had leant over, once the laughter was over and the rest of the volleyball team had cleared out, and he’d been serious as he asked if fake dating Oikawa had made him uncomfortable. And Suga had been honest when he said that despite the guilt that lingered on the edges, being with Oikawa had made him happier than he thought he could be.
‘Well,’ Suga says, and he should feel bad for the way Oikawa’s shoulders tense up, at the way there’s so much misery radiating off the boy. For lying, again. ‘I realised something, when I was talking to Daichi about this whole thing.’
‘And what was that?’
‘I wasn’t ever really faking anything, not really.’
Oikawa’s head shoots up, and his eyes are so wide, his eyes are filled with something that Suga can only describe as hope. It makes that warmth curl in his belly, it makes him feel like the final, final, piece is slotting into place.
‘I’m hoping that it’s the same thing for you,’ he says, honest and open. ‘That it’s real for you.’ He doesn’t let himself dwell in insecurity, doesn’t let himself doubt. ‘Is it?’
‘Yes.’
‘I can’t believe you fake dated Oikawa for two whole months,’ Hinata is saying, tossing the volleyballs towards Suga, he’s been running off his mouth since he eavesdropped on Suga and Daichi all those days ago. ‘It’s so much effort, you should have told us that you weren’t happy with how we were treating you. We’re your team that’s what we’re for.’
‘It seemed like a good idea at the time,’ Suga says, with a calm smile as he drops the balls into the bin that they keep them in. ‘It seemed like something that would get a rise out of most of you, and it felt cathartic at times.’
‘You deserve better than Oikawa,’ Kageyama says with a scowl, folding up the volleyball nets and tucking them away in the corner. ‘I can’t believe that he wanted to fake date you just so that he could annoy me.’
‘Typical of him,’ Hinata says, and his anger is adorable as always. ‘Hopefully you’re better off without him now. We’ll find you a real boyfriend who will be exactly what you deserve, someone who’s super nice and supportive. Preferably someone who will also piss Oikawa off. Do you think Ushijima is single?’
That’s directed at Kageyama, who actually looks like he’s considering it.
‘Boys,’ Suga says, before they get too wrapped up in their heads or seriously consider calling Ushijima. ‘Thank you, but I do actually have a real boyfriend. Nothing fake about it.’
Hinata’s face burst into a bright smile. ‘That’s fantastic!’
‘Are you happy?’ Kageyama asks, serious as ever.
‘He makes me very happy,’ Suga says with a smile. ‘I really think that I have something very good going on with him.’
‘I’m glad to hear that,’ Oikawa says with a grin, laughing as Kageyama and Hinata jump in surprise. A scowl works across their faces, almost identical despite their differences and they look approximately twenty seconds away from exploding. ‘Hello Chibi-chan. Hello Tobio-chan,’ he says, with a smirk directed at both of them.
Suga knows what’s happening moments before it occurs, and he laughs into this kiss to the soundtrack of Hinata and Kageyama’s scandalised squawks.