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Kaisa sighed. Knocking on Akali’s door really shouldn’t be this difficult. She’d done it hundreds of times before, so this time should be no different, right?
Wrong.
They’d been given a rare break in their schedule, where they needed to make no public appearances, all of their new material was busy churning through the processes of being edited, and Evelynn hadn’t even come up with some new scheme to propel their stardom to new heights.
Two whole weeks, where all they had to do was rest and recharge.
Evelynn had taken her fastest Lambo on a high speed road trip, promising to be back within the next ten days.
Ahri had decided to fly off to visit some old friends from school that she’d been meaning to catch up with.
Akali had gone to the game store and loaded herself up with enough video games to keep her occupied for the entirety of the fortnight. She’d told Kaisa not to worry, that she’d make sure she wouldn’t starve to death, but not to worry about feeding her, as she was planning on subsisting solely on instant noodles while she had a rare moment outside of Evelynn’s watchful gaze. She’d shut her door behind her and Kaisa hadn’t seen her in the last three days.
Which left Kaisa.
Kaisa had been caught quite unaware by their sudden free time. Unlike the rest of the band, she de-stressed by cooking and cleaning. With two of their number gone and the third making literally no impact on the rest of the apartment, Kaisa was left with nothing left to do. She’d tried catching up on a soap that she’d lost track of in the craziness that was K/DA’s meteoric rise to fame, but she’d missed so many episodes and character arcs that the show was barely recognisable to the one she’d left behind.
Kaisa was bored.
She’d gone up to Akali’s door numerous times in the past two days, ready to knock on her door just for a bit of company, a chat, anything . She could hear the sounds of Akali blasting away on some game or another, even now. Kaisa wondered if Akali had even slept in the last seventy hours.
Kaisa went to knock on Akali’s door, but her breath caught in her throat. It really shouldn’t have been this difficult, and it had never been before. Kaisa wanted to tell herself that it was because she had no idea about the first thing to do with video games, that she didn’t want to embarrass herself as she lost game after game after game, that she really should just leave Akali to decompress in the way that she wanted to.
But that wasn’t the case. It hadn’t been for three weeks.
Kaisa sighed as her cheeks turned pink at the memory. They’d had a small party, just among their friends, to celebrate the release of Ahri’s new perfume line. As was often the case with these kinds of gatherings, Akali had gotten herself, to put it bluntly, absolutely shitfaced. Evelynn had refused to chaperone her this time, as she’d done it the last three times in a row, and Ahri was off ‘seeing stars’ with some attractive woman they knew because of a friend of a friend.
Kaisa had sat on the sofa, just chatting to Akali and a couple of friends, idly passing the time in happy, comfortable chit-chat. Kaisa hadn’t noticed it immediately, but Akali had slowly edged towards Kaisa over the course of a couple of hours until she was basically sitting on her lap.
Akali got cuddly when she was drunk and tired.
Before long, Akali had been snoozing in the warm comfort of Kaisa’s lap while Kaisa absent-mindedly stroked her hair. Kaisa hadn’t thought anything of it at first, until Akali murmured in her sleep and wriggled closer into Kaisa’s tummy. A curious pang in her heart had told her that she wanted to do this again. The moment that thought had crossed Kaisa’s mind broke the trance she had fallen in, and she’d barely been able to look at Akali properly since.
Not that Akali noticed, or even seemed to remember much of that evening. After all, she’d been asleep for half of it.
But that left Kaisa standing here, outside Akali’s door, wondering what her bandmate meant to her. And, perhaps even more importantly (though she did not want to admit that it was important at all, not even to herself), what she meant to her bandmate. Kaisa knew Akali was into girls, that much was already covered. But she knew nothing of Akali’s tastes or desires when it came to relationships. For all Kaisa knew, Akali might already have a girlfriend, and the two of them were happily gaming away together on whatever Akali had begun to loudly swear at.
Awareness of the sheer absurdity of what Kaisa was doing hit her like a sack of bricks. She was standing outside the bedroom door of her friend , wondering what she should say in greeting. She raised her hand in front of her face, feeling her heartbeat pound ever harder.
She took a deep breath.
Her heart beat harder.
She moved her hand to the door.
She thought she was about to pass out.
Knock Knock.
“Shit!”
Kaisa heard the sound of a clattering from Akali’s room, followed by the fast pounding of footsteps charging to the door. Kaisa took an instinctive couple of steps backwards. Her heart was hammering so fast. Why couldn’t she control it? Why was she so scared?
The door was wrenched open, and Akali’s wild eyes stared out at the corridor. She was holding no less than four of her deadly sharp kunai. She locked eyes with Kaisa, who felt like a deer in the headlights of Akali’s gaze.
“Fucking hell Kai, I didn’t realise you were still here.” Akali said, breathing a heavy sigh of relief. She put her kunai away.
Well, when I say ‘she put her kunai away’, what I mean is ‘she tucked them into the side of her underwear’.
Kaisa turned beet red as she noted the fact that Akali was wearing solely a very loose fitting t-shirt and a simple black thong.
“Y-yeah.” Kaisa said, feeling her face burning hot and hoping that Akali didn’t notice that her eyes were desperately looking anywhere but at her bandmate. “Didn’t have anything to do or anyone I wanted to go and see, so I thought I’d just stay at home.”
“Huh. Well, sorry about the mess.” Akali indicated her lack of appropriate attire. Kaisa kind of wished she didn’t. “Did you want some company?”
Yes! Said Kaisa’s brain.
“Nah, it’s okay.” said Kaisa’s mouth, “I’ll let you get back to your game, I just wanted to check you were still… you know.”
“Alive?”
“Happy.”
Akali nodded.
“I missed a lot of great releases this last year. Shame you’re not into gaming or I’d invite you in for a sesh.”
Kaisa smiled.
“Maybe one day I’ll be confident enough to take you up on that offer.”
Akali nodded up once in farewell, then retreated back into her den. Kaisa was left to stand there by herself again.
“Kaisa, you’re such an idiot,” she told herself. “Just talk to her like a normal person, or better yet, the way you used to.”
Almost out of punishment to herself, she immediately moved to knock on Akali’s door again. Again, Akali opened the door, still wearing basically nothing on her lower half, but this time she was smiling because she knew the house was occupied by someone who wasn’t out to rob her.
“Forget something?” Akali teased? “Decided you wanted to see a little more?” Akali grabbed hold of her own shirt, and pretended to start pulling it up.
“No!” Kaisa said, a little bit too hastily. She slapped Akali’s hand away from her shirt, and tried to ignore the fact that that was the first time she had engaged in any form of physical contact with the rapper since…
“Look, I’m just really bored. Do you wanna go out and get a bite to eat?” She managed to sound smooth, even casual, but if Akali could hear Kaisa’s heartbeat she’d know just how nervous the dancer really was. There was a five second pause, in which Kaisa felt like she experienced all of the stages of grief.
“Sure.” Akali finally said. “Gimme twenty and I’ll be with you.”
There were a lot of details that Kaisa tried not to notice as she and Akali walked through the shopping mall, about forty minutes later, looking for a nice place to grab some early dinner. The first one was the usual affair, members of the public stopping to look at them, pointing and waving. A couple of times they were asked for a photo opportunity by some star-stuck teenagers. This much was normal for any member of K/DA going out in public. What was less normal was how conspicuous it felt that it was a rarity that only two members of K/DA went somewhere at once. They all preferred to brave the public as All Four Of Them, or, if they were getting a surprise present for one of their number, three of them. Kaisa hoped that she wasn’t inadvertently fuelling any furious discussions online. Then there was the fact that Akali was walking just a teeny bit closer than she normally did. It was barely perceptible, but Kaisa’s career literally revolved around knowing every detail of a group’s movements. Kaisa could still smell the deodorant that Akali had sprayed on as they were leaving. It smelled nice. Then, finally, the fact that caused Kaisa the most amount of internal disquiet was the fact that Akali was wearing an outfit that she had bought for, and only worn once before for, a date.
Did Akali know ? Was it a subconscious choice? Was Akali messing with her? Was she hoping it was a date???
“Hey, Kaisa?” Akali’s voice swam through Kaisa’s daze.
“What? What? I’m listening, honest!” Kaisa said hastily.
“I said, ‘what about burgers?’” Akali said, playfully swatting the air in front of Kaisa’s forehead. “You're so nervous about taking someone out to dinner that you can’t pay any attention to what she’s saying?” she teased, before turning and running off in the direction of the burger restaurant, leaving Kaisa stood there, beet red again, before she took off after Akali.
Kaisa reached the burger bar a little shorter on breath, where she joined Akali’s place in perusing the large menu posted outside.
“I love this place,” Akali said, not even consciously checking that it was indeed Kaisa that had walked up beside her. “Have you ever been?”
“Nah,” Kaisa said, shaking her head. “I went off burgers for a long time, remember?”
“Ahhh, yeah yeah yeah. Well, you gotta try this place. The burgers are ace, and the hard shakes are to die for.”
“Hard...shakes?”
“Yeah, it’s like a milkshake but, y’know, with booze in.”
“Uhhh,” Kaisa feigned hesitation, but she was secretly intrigued. “I dunno, what would Evelynn say-”
“Look it’s not that much booze, and if we fuck anything up, I’ll take all the heat.”
“Okay, I’ll try one.” Kaisa muttered as she looked over the list of specialty burgers. They all looked delicious. “But just the one.” Akali grinned. They stepped into the well lit but cozy diner, where a smiling waiter was more than happy to get them seated into a well secluded booth, out of the view of anyone wandering the mall.
“Which shake were you thinking of getting?” Akali asked, seeing that the waiter was poised to give a recommendation. Kaisa hastily gave the menu a second look.
“I’ll… ahh… hm. What’s the Caramel Cliffedge like?” Akali beamed, as if Kaisa had passed some sort of secret test.
“That’s my favourite one, good choice.” She turned to the waiter. “Can we get a Caramel Cliffedge to share, please?” Kaisa stiffened. To Share?
“Sure you can,” The waiter said, a ghost of a smile on his lips. He’d seen enough pairs of customers in his time to know what was up. “I’ll give you a bit to decide on food, and I’ll be back in a mo’ with your shake.”
The waiter left, leaving Kaisa and her furious heart alone with Akali.
“So,” Kaisa said, before the silence got awkward. “Any recs?”
“Yeah, actually.” Akali leaned over the table to point out a specific item on the menu. “I always tell someone to try this if it’s their first time.” Kaisa nodded as she read out the burger’s description. It seemed simple but with a complex flavour. More or less exactly what Kaisa was looking for.
“Yeah, I’ll go with that, thanks.” Kaisa said, folding up her menu. Ten seconds passed before she realised that she had just exhausted her list of options when it came to things to do that didn’t involve looking directly into Akali’s face. Her hand tapped nervously against her leg.
“So,” Akali said, looking completely at ease. “Bored A.F. at home then?”
Kaisa shrugged, internally screaming a prayer of thanks that she had been given something to talk about.
“It’s not so much that I’m bored,” she lied. “I’m just used to having someone to talk to, or cook for, like all the time.” Akali cringed, which Kaisa felt bad for. She hadn’t meant to make her feel bad.
“Eh, guess I should’ve asked you if you were still hanging around instead of assuming you had something else to do.” Akali said, sheepishly rubbing the back of her head. Kaisa forced herself to look at her. Her heart fluttered immediately and Kaisa hastily tore her eyes away, as if afraid Akal would somehow catch on.
“Well, I didn’t mind. I just started feeling a bit stuffy, you know?” Akali nodded.
They settled into more comfortable conversation about what they were going to be doing once the band reconvened, though they did have to keep their words vague to minimise the risk of leaks from an eavesdropper. After about five minutes, the waiter returned with their milkshake. Kaisa’s eyes boggled at the sheer size of it, and she did a quick mental calculation to work out how drunk they were about to get from one milkshake.
So preoccupied with the alcohol content, she hadn’t quite noticed that the only workable way of drinking the milkshake was from two long, intertwined plastic straws. Akali nodded her thanks to the waiter, along with a shared wink that Kaisa missed entirely. She motioned for Kaisa to have the first slurp. Kaisa gingerly put her lips to the straw facing her and sucked. The milkshake tasted absolutely incredible and she was relieved to note that it didn’t taste too alcoholic.
“Good?” Akali asked, amused at the way Kaisa’s face melted in affirmation, still relishing in the taste. Akali put her mouth to her own straw, and as they drank from the same drink, it was as if a tiny spark of static electricity passed between them.
Kaisa was suddenly aware of two things. That Akali’s face was a mere four inches from her own; and that Akali was really very attractive. They looked into each other's eyes for a second that felt like an hour. They were brought out of their shared reverie by the sound of the waiter clearing his throat.
“Oh, sorry, what?” Kaisa blurted out, pulling away in a panic. The waiter laughed good-naturedly.
“I was about to take your order, but if you’re still deciding what’d go best with your shake, I can give you a bit longer.”
“Oh, no, I’d decided,” Kaisa said, blushing profusely. She gave the waiter her order and Akali did the same, ordering a burger that sounded like it contained far too much meat for a single meal. The waiter left, leaving the pair in a rather awkward situation of their own making. After a few failed false starts, Kaisa finally settled on lamely complementing the drink they were sharing. Akali jumped on the chance to talk about something, and immediately started rattling off her opinions and comparisons for every one of the milkshakes she’d tried. Kaisa mostly listened, but she verbally noted down the ones that sounded the nicest.
“...so anyway you’ve totally gotta try it next time, I know it sounds weird, but roll with me here.” Akali had just finished explaining a drink that somehow sounded equal parts revolting and delicious.
“Planning on bringing me back, then?” Kaisa smiled. “It is quite nice here. Very cosy. I could spend a whole afternoon here, just people watching.”
Akali laughed effortlessly.
“Well, yeah. I have to see your blind reaction to it.”
Their eyes met, and Kaisa caught herself wondering, despite herself, if Akali wanted to bring her back here alone. Just the two of them again.
Their burgers arrived. Akali’s was twice the size of Kaisa’s.
“Oh my giddy aunt,” Kaisa laughed, “How in the name of all that’s holy are you going to get that in your mouth?”
“Watch and learn, my dear,” Akali said with a dramatic flourish.
Kaisa took a delicate first bite of her burger. It was, much like the milkshake, incredible. The patty was perfectly seasoned and cooked to its absolute best point, the cheese was clearly chosen for its delicate smokiness but gentle compliment of the meat, and the salad was crisp and fresh. It was, without a doubt, the best burger that Kaisa had ever had.
It was also quite saucy. Kaisa had to make great efforts to not cover her entire face in burger juice and sauce.
“Well, that was fantastic.” Kaisa said, dabbing at her mouth with a napkin. “But I do have to say, might not be entirely appropriate food for a da-” she immediately clammed up. Akali slowly looked up at her. Her face was completely covered in burger and sauce. Kaisa’s face burned red hot. She looked away from Akali while taking a deep swig of milkshake. She was beginning to feel the barest swimming feeling of alcohol consumption.
“I don’t mind if it is a date.” Akali murmured. She had moved to the milkshake too, but was making no pretense to drink. She had already drunk far more than her share. “But you’ll have to wait until we get home if you want to make that fact set in stone.”
Kaisa felt like a god had thrown an entire thunderstorm at her chest. Her heart felt like it had stopped entirely.
“Is this a date?” Kaisa muttered, anxiety written all over her face and embedded into her tone. Akali cracked a mischievous grin.
“Don’t think I don’t remember the other week.”
There was only so much that poor Kaisa could take. As if she was trying to win some kind of one-up over Akali, she pushed herself forward the extra distance and planted a kiss square on Akali’s forehead. She was satisfied to see Akali herself start to splutter as her own cheeks grew red.
“Don’t get us caught,” Akali said, forcing herself to laugh to ease her own tension. “Eve’ll kill us.”
The thought of inciting the wrath of their de-facto band leader sobered up Kaisa quickly. What the hell was she doing? Giggling around with someone who was essentially her coworker while they were out in public would be taboo enough as it was, let alone the thought of their reputations potentially being on the line.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Akali said quietly, “If we were at home, I’d kiss you.”
“If we were at home, I’d let you.” Kaisa responded automatically, before she realised what she had said. “I mean, um…”
“Look. Let’s put this conversation on pause until we get home. We’re just gonna stress otherwise. For now let’s just finish enjoying this.” Akali said, sounding unusually pragmatic.
They finished their meals without too much more fuss, paid, and left the establishment, thanking the waiter on their way out.
As they wandered their way home, Kaisa’s mind was burning with thoughts. Were they about to cross a line that bandmates should not be crossed? It was rare that members of the same band fell for each other, and even rarer that anything significant would come of it, or even succeed. Had they fallen for each other in the first place? What was going to happen when they got home? Would they continue having a haltingly awkward conversation?
Kaisa had no answers to her questions, but she did somewhat think she should’ve kept her mouth shut numerous times today.
They finally got home, and any traces of alcohol intoxication had thoroughly worn off the pair of them after even only a half-hour of wandering. In truth, there was not a huge amount of alcohol in the milkshake.
There was a small part of Kaisa, the part that always expected her plans to go wrong, that expected to find Evelynn and Ahri sat in the kitchen. But as they entered their apartment and flicked on the lights, it was clear that it was still just them, and would be for another week.
They stood there, shoulder to shoulder, as they looked into the kitchen.
“Um.” Kaisa started, but was interrupted by Akali.
“Need a piss. Come to my room in five. We’ll talk then.”
Kaisa watched Akali go as deep anxieties took root in her heart. She spent the next five minutes frantically pacing the apartment before sighing and walking to the bedroom door of the rapper.
Kaisa sighed. Knocking on Akali’s door really shouldn’t be this difficult. She’d done it hundreds of times before, so this time should be no different, right?
Her heart pounding in her throat, she raised her hand to knock on Akali’s door. She did not even get a chance to knock before the door swung open. Akali was there, her face was still pink, and she’d changed into a soft, fluffy jumper and sweatpants. Kaisa felt somewhat silly that she hadn’t changed too. Akali gestured that Kaisa enter her bedroom. Kaisa noticed a pile of discarded instant noodles and energy drink that masqueraded as a bin.
“Sorry ‘bout the mess.” she muttered, “Wasn’t expecting on having a heart-to-heart today,”
Kaisa laughed nervously.
“It’s fine.”
They sat on opposite ends of the foot of Akali’s bed. How many times had they done this before, gossiping as friends about something or other?
“So…” Kaisa started, then hesitated.
“Guess this is the part where Evelynn kills us, right?”
They looked at each other, and started laughing. The sheer absurdity of this whole situation. That they were both adult women, and yet they could barely spend an afternoon alone in each other’s company while keeping their face to their normal colour.
“So...uhh…” Kaisa started, then swallowed. “When did you… know?”
“When I fell asleep on you the other week.” Akali grinned. “That felt so nice, I was genuinely sad when you pushed me off. You?” Kaisa couldn’t keep the sunny beam off her face, but she didn’t need to.
“The same.”
Akali grinned, but then coughed her throat.
“Look. I know I semi-half-jokingly said about kissing you earlier, but I can’t help but feel that that’s crossing a line and I don’t know if I wanna cross it yet,” Akali had started to babble, in a rare display of such. “Like I think you’re hot and all, but it’s just…” her voice trailed off.
“The band?” Kaisa offered.
“Yeah.”
“I get you,” Kaisa said, but she couldn’t help to start feeling deflated.
“But,” Akali said, noticing her sadness and obliterating it all with a single wink. “We do have another week to work out whether or not we’re gonna cross that line, so I say we start where we left off at that party with an accompanying movie.”
Kaisa smiled.
“I’d like that. I’d like that very much.”
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