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It was around midnight when Haru’s phone woke him up. After a second of groaning and contemplating shutting his phone off, Haru picked up his frantically ringing phone, weary of the bright “Unknown Caller” ID. “Hello?” He said tentatively, voice hoarse from sleepiness.
“Kato, it’s me, Suzue!” A woman’s voice rang from the speakers. Haru’s sleepiness disappeared as he suddenly became alert from the desperate tone. “I urgently need your help, please!”
“Wha-” Haru blinked, his head physically jerking back in surprise. “Me? For what? What happened? A case?”
“...D-Daisuke got drunk…”
“Ex…” Haru hesitated with a weirded out frown, “...cuse me?”
“I know it sounds silly, and gosh, I’m terribly sorry for suddenly calling you in the middle of the night for something that sounds so trivial-” Suzue rushed out in one breath. Whatever she’s about to say next halted, when a crash could be heard in the background. Suzue audibly gasped, and yelled away from the phone, “Daisuke, no! ”
Haru listened to all that with a tired expression. He considered hanging up, but decided not to do that to poor Suzue. After all, the poor woman sounds hysterical and confused. “Do you want me to come over?”
Suzue didn’t reply, which worried Haru. He watched his phone expectantly, listening to the rustling and indistinguishable talking.
“Hellooo?” Daisuke’s voice unexpectedly warbled, and Haru almost jumped from the sudden noise after the silence. “Haru? Are you there? Haaaaaru!”
Haru sighed deeply after getting over the shock, rubbing his eyes. “Kambe, give the phone back to your sister.”
“You don’t like?” Daisuke sniffled. He paused for a few solid seconds, and then finished his sentence with a hic. “Me…?”
“No, I don’t,” Haru rolled his golden-brown eyes, “now hand the phone over.”
“I… I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“You’re not here. You’re gone!” Daisuke sniffed into the phone, his voice soft and cracking as if he’s actually crying. Haru knows the millionaire isn't actually crying, but the sound still made him uneasy.
“What? What the hell are you talking about?” Haru demanded.
“You said…. to hand it… the- my….mineee…. phone, over,” Daisuke explained slowly, stumbling with his words, “but. You... Not here to give. The phone. You’re goneeeeee-”
The phone shuffled some more, and Haru heard a distinctive argument between the two Kambe siblings. The speaker rustled and made weird noises as the two siblings fought over the phone.
“Daisuke, give it back!”
“Noo you’re stealing Haru!”
“I need to talk to him!”
“I need him moreeee- go awaaaaaay!”
“Daisuke!”
“I command you!”
“I-”
The phone shuffled some more, and Suzue audibly huffed into the speakers. “I’m very sorry about that, Kato. Daisuke… is completely wasted. He’s out of it and I can’t control him.”
“So you want my help?” Haru raised his eyebrows.
“...Please.” Suzue begged. "I've never seen him like this before... and since he got home, he keeps saying things about you and how he wants to be with you. Please, Kato."
Haru sighed, but his compassionate side urged him to agree. He feels bad for Suzue, being stuck with Daisuke... drunk if you can call it that. Is there a word for drunk beyond drunk? He looked at the time, wincing at the seemingly glaring 1:14 AM. “I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.”
“No need,” Suzue said, relieved beyond words. “You agreed, so no taking it back, ok?! I-I’ll pay you back. Goodbye, thank you so much!!”
“Hah-” Before Haru could finish his sentence, Suzue hung up with a click. Haru stared at his phone, confused about what to do. He flinched when several sharp knocks rang from his door, and suddenly he understood immediately what’s happening.
“Is she… dropping him off in my apartment?!” Haru asked himself as he hurried to scramble out of his bed and towards his door.
Following the polite knocks, his door suddenly banged loudly.
“Haruuu, open up!” Daisuke from the other side yelled loudly. “Opeeeeen!” Bang “Open uuup!” Bang, bang, bang.
Haru flung the door open, face contorted into fiery embarrassed anger, and he glared at the millionaires before him.
Suzue looked absolutely mortified, while Daisuke hung by her side. The man was just blinking several times at Haru, a rather adorable confused expression on his flushed face, as if trying to remember who Haru was.
“Kambe, what the fuck?!” Haru hissed angrily, trying to keep his voice level. “There are people sleeping!”
“I’m so sorry!” Suzue apologized immediately.
“...Haru!” Daisuke’s face brightened as he finally remembered exactly who the taupe-haired man before him was.
“Yes, me,” Haru gritted out, “get in here, dumbass.”
“Pfft,” Daisuke snorted and then started to giggle childishly, “you said ass.”
Haru, despite his anger, snorted in surprise. “Excuse me?” He asked with something like amusement.
“You said ass!” Daisuke repeated, hiccupping. “You called me ass becaaaaause--.”
Haru raised an eyebrow expectantly when the younger man abruptly halted. To his utter surprise and confusion, Daisuke began to sniffle once more, and in a painfully obviously fake sob, he cried out, “You… you think I’m fat!”
“What.”
“P-please take good care of him!” Suzue, who Haru briefly forgot was there, bowed and quickly left before Haru could even reply, once again.
“Byee Suzue!” Daisuke chirped and then slumped on Haru’s shoulder. He looked up at the older man with a smile that screams "gone from this world, into another dimension". “She’s gone now, let’s do………….. it.”
“Do what?!” Haru pushed the drunk man off of him, feeling slightly bad when the younger man dropped on the ground with a hurt groan.
“Mmowopowy.” Daisuke said from the floor, his voice muffled due to his face being planted on the ground. Daisuke made no move to change his painful-looking position.“Thii- urts.”
“I can’t understand you. Get up.” Haru frowned down on the drunk man.
Instead of getting up, the millionaire rolled to the side and stared up at Haru with lidded eyes on his red face. For once, his eyes weren’t cold and sheltered. They were completely out of it, and Haru could see no ounce of sanity within those midnight blue eyes.
Daisuke smirked from his position, eyes unfocused. “I said it hurted.”
“I’m sorry,” Haru said sarcastically. He crouched next to Daisuke and managed to soften his voice into a soothing, coaxing tone, “why don’t you get up, Kambe? Let’s go to sleep on my bed.”
“Together?!” Daisuke sat up instantly, his head almost hitting Haru’s if it weren’t for the older man’s reflexes.
“N-no! You sleep on my bed- I- I’ll sleep somewhere else,” Haru explained irritably.
Immediately, the hopeful expression on Daisuke’s face fell. He adopted a disappointed look and slumped back on the ground with a loud crash.
“Oi!”
“Don’t wanna sleep.” Daisuke pouted on the ground.
Haru exhaled slowly, counting to ten to contain his anger. He’s drunk and very, very wasted, Haru reminded himself. Don’t hit a drunk person, Haru.
Despite the infuriatingly annoying and stubbornness from the younger man, Haru couldn’t help but marvel at the sudden switch of personality. He always knows Daisuke as a quiet, reserved, absolute asshole. But quiet nonetheless.
So when he got woken up at around one in the morning and is forced to take care of a drunk Daisuke, who whines and giggles and chirps as he’s talking absolute nonsense… it was an understatement to say that Haru is confused and shocked.
He would never expect Daisuke to giggle. No, Haru would sooner believe the millionaire suddenly ran out of money, than that Daisuke giggles when drunk.
That’s… fucking adorable. But also very scary and confusing- and adorable, did Haru mention how adorable the soft little fairy-type giggling from Daisuke is?
Haru took a deep breath. He glanced at Daisuke, wondering if he should just leave the drunk man on the ground.
“Kambe, get up.” Haru tried again.
“No.”
Haru’s eyes twitched. “Get up now. ”
Daisuke shook his head, probably getting splinters on his perfect face as he rubbed against the wooden floor. Okay, there’s no way he’s getting splinters, but he really shouldn’t do that.
“What do you want to do then?” Haru asked in exasperation. He rubbed his eyes, willing himself not to fall back asleep.
“...” Daisuke rolled over and looked up at Haru with a lazy smirk. “Heh.”
“What?” Haru asked, feeling a smile tugging his lips despite the annoying circumstance.
“You’re very perty.” Daisuke said childishly and then started laughing hysterically. His head bopped lazily and he swayed back and forth on Haru’s floor, like some gleeful slug. “Perty! I said perty!”
Haru fake-laughed along to appease the drunken man. “Hilarious, Kambe. You’re a comedy genius.”
“I am?” Daisuke blinked and then grinned stupidly. “I am! I’m accommodate genius!”
“Pfft-” Haru snorted and burst into laughter. “You're what genius?”
“Yes.” Daisuke nodded as if Haru asked a yes/no question. He got up suddenly and swayed for several seconds, a dopey smile on his face as his lidded eyes moved across the room wildly. “It’s spinning! Wee- roller coaster!”
Daisuke’s hands flew into the air, almost smacking Haru in the process. “It’s so fast, Haru, hold me I’m scary!”
“Heh, calm down, there,” Haru grabbed Daisuke’s hands and firmly held the younger man in place.
“It stopped.” Daisuke blinked, his movement still sloppy. “You stopped it. Woah. You… are you magic?”
“Yes, I’ll turn you into a frog if you don’t listen to what I say.” Haru grinned, taking too much pleasure in playing with Daisuke.
Daisuke’s eyes widened, believing the older man completely. He nodded earnestly. “I promise not to undo what you say.”
Haru laughed.
In the few seconds that Haru allowed himself to spare, to just laugh at the sheer weirdness of this all, Daisuke managed to escape. Haru followed the sloppily-moving man, every so often pulling Daisuke away to prevent him from crashing with the furniture.
“Where are you going?” Haru asked the dark-haired man. He suddenly got the urge to record all this, but his phone is unfortunately still in his room. And Haru cannot risk leaving Daisuke alone for even a second.
“I’m going to the… yes… the Amazon... L-a-a-a-ke.” Daisuke stuttered out, stretching the last word into an awfully tone-deaf song.
“You’re going to visit the Amazon Lake?” Haru repeated in amusement. “Isn’t it the Amazon River?”
Daisuke halted in his steps and stared at Haru in disdain. Or at least, where he thinks Haru is because, in reality, his eyes are staring past Haru’s shoulders.
“No.” Daisuke huffed, like a child. Haru finds the way Daisuke spat out the word incredibly endearing. “No, the lake -- not a river, Haru. Not a liver. Liveee.”
Daisuke continued walking his merry way around Haru’s living room, then stopped in front of the TV.
“Do it.” Daisuke pointed at the TV expectantly.
“...Do what?”
“It,” Daisuke said impatiently, as if that explains everything.
“Right…” Haru turns the TV on, the news cable immediately talking about some celebrity news. “Happy?”
“Nooo-” Daisuke whined in distraught.
“Alright, alright, I’m sorry!” Haru scowled and switched the channel, clearly not knowing what to do at all. He stopped at a random one and gave Daisuke a pointed look. “Is this what you want?”
“Nooo!”
“Ah, geez.” Haru flipped through the different channels, waiting for Daisuke to make up his mind.
Daisuke groaned impatiently and flopped on Haru’s couch. “HEUSC, go to the Amazon… the liver.”
“Understood,” HEUSC said, and the TV flashes several times before switching to the official site of Amazon. The company, Amazon, not a website devoted to the river.
“Wha- how?” Haru spluttered.
“HEUSC understand me, unlike you ,” Daisuke said accusingly.
“No,” Haru scowled, “how did HEUSC hijack my TV??”
Daisuke shrugged. “HEUSC, go… go… hmm.” Daisuke turned to Haru and quizzically stared at the older, exasperated man, and gave him a dopey smile. “Haru, what do you like?”
“I would like for you to go to bed.”
“Hm.” Daisuke turned back to the TV. “HEUSC, search for… for the bed. Big beds. Big and fancy and extensive.”
“Do you mean expensive, sir?”
“Rich.”
“Right away, sir.”
Haru watched the conversation, having only heard Daisuke’s half, with an appalled expression. “Just what are you planning?”
“Bed.” Daisuke replied simply. He raised his hands and moved his fingers in a scrolling motion. The TV screen scrolled along with Daisuke’s fingers.
“WHAT BED?!”
“You want a bed, so I’m… yes. Buying a buy. Bear. Hehe.” Daisuke dissolved into a fit of giggles as he tried to remember the word “bed”.
Haru is tempted to smack Daisuke. He willed his hands towards his face instead and facepalmed hard. “Daisuke, I don’t want a bed.”
“Huh?” Daisuke gave him a crestfallen look, and Haru almost blurted out that, yeah, maybe he does need a new bed.
That expression is dangerous, Haru realized. “I-uh, I mean, I want… fuck, I don’t know, a pencil!”
Daisuke nodded several times enthusiastically, and asked HEUSC to search for the pencils. “I’ll get you the party one.”
“Party one?”
“No, pretty.”
“Pretty??” Haru repeated, understanding less and less as their weird conversation spiraled out of control.
“Yesh.” Daisuke meshed up his words. He searched for a good pencil, pulled a face when he couldn’t find one he likes, then filtered the site until the clearly expensive ones with prices ranging in the thousands show up.
“Pretty!” His eyes lit up as they stared behind the screen rather than the pencils themselves. “Pick one, Haru, pick one.” Daisuke urged and tugged Haru’s sleeves impatiently.
“I…” Haru swallowed, sweating at the sight of pencils- mere pencils- which cost more than half the things in his home. “...I don’t want pencils anymore.”
Daisuke visibly deflated and Haru felt like a terrible villain. He steeled his nerves, trying to muster enough confidence to force Daisuke to sleep.
Daisuke is already searching for another thing to buy. He hummed out loud as he scrolled through the Amazon homepage.
“Hey, why don’t you go to sleep?”
Daisuke nodded. “Yes, of course.”
Haru sighed in relief. Thank everything good. He tried to pull Daisuke from the couch, “Then get up.”
“Nooo-- am not done.”
“Done with what?” Haru asked impatiently.
“I’m looking for a good sleep. Wait.” Daisuke held up his hand in a halting motion. “Wait here.”
“You want to sleep on the couch?” Haru raised an eyebrow.
Daisuke shook his head, “Wait,” he insisted firmly.
Haru waited. When he finally looked up at the screen again, he went through about ten different emotions at once. “Kambe, why are you looking for sheep?”
“You want a sleep, so I’ll buy one. For you!” Daisuke grinned at him. “It’s aaaaall for youuuuu! Sleeps! The expensive-ist kind!”
“I don’t want sheep, I want sleep,” Haru explained in sheer terror, “for you.”
Daisuke shook his head with a pout. “Noooo.”
“KAMBE I DON’T WANT SHEEPS, WHERE WOULD I EVEN PUT THEM?!” Haru exploded, on the verge of tears.
Daisuke shrugged lazily. “The pen.”
Haru sucked in some air and tried to calm himself. Then he perked up, an idea forming. “Hey, can you give me HEUSC?”
“Yes, yes,” Daisuke nodded frantically and scrambled to take off his earring, hands sloppily working in their haste, “anything for youuu. Hehe”
Haru wondered what he should feel at the strangely nice words, watching Daisuke dissolve into another fit of giggles. He held the small earring, wondering how such a tiny thing could give access to the most amazing and advanced technology Haru has ever seen. He looked at Daisuke, unsure of what to do. “...How do I talk to him?”
“Put it on.”
Haru stood there. His ears aren’t pierced. “...Is there another way?”
Daisuke nodded.
“Well?”
“Put HEUSC on your ear,” Daisuke said very helpfully.
Haru scowled. He held up the small ball, wondering how to access HEUSC. He spoke to it, “Uh… HEUSC?”
To his surprise, HEUSC’s voice rang from the tiny little thing clear as day. “Yes, Kato?”
“Oh.” Haru’s mouth formed an O, as he scrambled for words. “Um… can you… can you help me deal with Kambe?”
“Please clarify your words, sir.”
“What should I do with Kambe? He’s currently drunk off his ass, and lost touch with reality.” Haru clarified helpfully. “I can’t get him to do anything.”
“What would you like for him to do, sir?”
“I want him to go to sleep,” Haru stated bluntly.
“Very well. Warning: Daisuke has only drunk this amount of alcohol once. I have an incomplete and not enough reliable data.”
“That… that’s alright.” Haru said. His eyebrows furrowed. So this is the second time Daisuke has ever drunk his sanity away?
“Please grab Daisuke and hold him firmly. Tell him to go to sleep in a soft, motherly tone. He has shown past behavior of responding well to motherly voices.”
Haru nodded, waiting for HEUSC to continue.
“With reasonable force, drag him away from distractions such as the TV and myself. Push him unto the bed.”
“...And?”
“I’m sorry, Kato, I have no further data.”
“What happened last time? How’d you get him to sleep?”
“He blacked out, sir.”
“Oh...” Haru said sourly. He sighed. “I see… thank you for your help, HEUSC.”
“Of course, sir. Would you like anything else?”
“No… I’ll call you if I need you.”
“Please take care of Daisuke well.”
Haru scoffed to himself, admiring whoever programmed HEUSC. The AI butler sounds just like a real person with real feelings of concern over the currently wasted millionaire.
Haru turned off his TV and ignored the sudden mewling protests of Daisuke. “Shut up, you big baby.” Haru automatically replied, and then remembered HEUSC’s words, so he softened his expression and used the same voice he uses on kids.
“Kam… Daisuke,” Haru decided to use the first name. Instantly, Daisuke perked up because even in his drunken state, he still has some spare brain cells to realize what Haru had just said.
“Ye-ah?” Daisuke’s voice cracked. He looked up at Haru with expectancy and hopeful blue eyes- and Haru is confused about what Daisuke’s so damn hopeful for.
“Let’s go to sleep, alright?” Haru asked, voice soft and almost loving. “You need your rest. Can you go to sleep for me?”
“Y-yes!” Daisuke nodded eagerly. “Yes, I can!”
“Okay,” Haru gave him a warm smile that he usually reserves for scared children during his First Division missions, “then get up. I’ll carry you.”
“You will?!” Daisuke perked up, looking like a child on Christmas morning. No, Haru shook his head. The hopefulness that makes Daisuke’s usually cold eyes shine… Nah, that’s not Christmas excitement. It’s something more endearing and special, if only Haru knows what that is.
“Of course.” Haru nodded. He stretched out his hands, which Daisuke jumped into way too quickly. “Woah,” Haru grunted at the suddenness, “you okay?”
“Di...zzy…” Daisuke replied in a daze.
“Then don’t jump so suddenly, silly,” Haru chuckled, keeping the insults small and harmless. He’s surprised at how Daisuke seems so eager once Haru puts on the nice act.
He’s just full of surprises, Haru smiles to himself. He looked down on the man-child currently in his arms, snuggled against Haru and making himself comfortable in the older man’s arms with no shame. Then again, he’s drunk. More than drunk.
Haru carried the millionaire to his bedroom, going slowly, not just because he’s afraid he’ll stumble with the rather heavy man in his arms, but also because the living room lights did not reach his pitch dark bedroom. One wrong step and Haru might send the two of them tumbling to the ground.
After slowly walking an almost agonizing pace, Haru’s feet found his bedpost. Carefully, he set down Daisuke, whose lidded eyes had begun to close more and more, his mouth set in a sleepy pout. The expression was exactly like the one Haru had seen long ago, when Daisuke crashed over at his place and the two drank potato soju.
So, Haru thought, tipsy Daisuke is cute and quiet. Beyond wasted Daisuke is an absolute mess I wouldn’t dare touch with a ten-meter pole. Drunk Daisuke is probably in the middle.
“Thanks… mom,” Daisuke mumbled, softer now. He wiggled on the bed for a few seconds, trying to find a comfortable spot. He tried to look up at Haru, and when he figured out the darkness won’t let him see Haru, he lifted his hands to find the older man.
“I’m here,” Haru said, ignoring the mom comment, reminding himself that Daisuke is drunk-drunk, “what are you doing?”
“Hold me.”
Haru flushed. “Um.”
“Please.”
The begging in Daisuke’s voice slapped Haru in the face. It wasn't a cute, drunk begging-like thing. It sounds desperate and scared, like a child in a storm, lost from his parents. The tone and emphasis on the single word broke Haru’s heart and he has no idea why.
“I-” Haru swallowed his pride. “Do you want me to… hold you from behind? Or do you want to hold me?”
Daisuke nodded, to which Haru roll his eyes endearingly at. “Alright. Tell me if you don’t like it, okay?”
“Mm.”
Haru slipped on the bed just behind Daisuke, and gingerly placed his hands on Daisuke's hips. His knees were bent, and his head was awkwardly above Daisuke’s head, due to the cramped space.
“Is… is this okay?” Haru asked softly.
Daisuke’s head rubbed against his throat area as the millionaire slowly and lazily nodded. “Hold me.”
“I am.”
“My… my hands.”
“...” Haru shuffled awkwardly again, feeling bad as he had to move Daisuke quite a few times. Finally, they ended up in a compromising position.
Haru was lying straight on his back, while Daisuke was on his side. One hand under Daisuke, scooping the smaller man into a hug. Daisuke himself had his legs sandwiching Haru’s right leg and his hands were flat on Haru’s chest.
All in all, it was an embarrassing and extremely… couple-ly position. Haru’s face felt like they were on fire, and he feared that Daisuke- whose head rested right above his heart- might hear the fast-paced beating of his heart.
Daisuke didn’t say anything, only letting out a content sigh.
It took Daisuke only about five minutes to be in deep sleep. Haru didn’t let go, not coming to the conclusion that since Daisuke’s asleep, he could free his arms. Maybe, if you look closer, you may catch the slight squeeze Haru gave Daisuke, and how the two shifted impossibly closer.
It was an adorably sappy and romantic scene. Haru’s terrified expression ruined it.
Look, it’s not like Haru hates this.
No, he quite likes it. It’s embarrassing to admit, but he likes the way the smaller man just… fits on Haru’s body. As incredibly cheesy as it sounds, it felt as the universe made this its personal goal- to make sure Daisuke’s body fits perfectly within Haru’s- like some sort of fated puzzle.
So why is Haru terrified?
He’s scared that one little move might wake up Daisuke. And no, dear reader, before you start cooing at how cute that sounds, it’s not.
Haru just doesn’t want to deal with the childish and bratty child that drunk Daisuke had become.
The deep breaths and darkness lured Haru to sleep, and his heart began calming down and accepting this as it is.
Just as Haru’s eyes were closed and he’s about to slip into Dreamland, his golden eyes shot open and he whipped his head towards his door.
My living room lights are still on!
And that’s how Haru finds himself stuck and unable to sleep. He doesn’t have the heart nor courage to move Daisuke away from him. But he can’t sleep, knowing that his lights are on. The thought of the electrical bills bullied Haru into staying awake until his room visibly lightened and he eventually heard the bustling of people outside.
Haru glared tiredly at the millionaire in his arms, who had shifted closer to him overnight. “Damn you, Daisuke.”
The next day...
Daisuke woke up with a pounding headache and an upset stomach. He feels as if his organs are protesting his bad drinking habits and are planning to overthrow him. His head felt as if it has its own heartbeat, pounding away mercilessly.
Like the nice person he is, he also woke up Haru (who happened to be sleeping next to him, for some reason) by barfing all over the poor man.