Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chuuya hears a child's sobs echoing in the distance. The sound of it making his chest burn with fierce protectiveness.

He slowly opens his eyes and sees a beautiful child. Long lashes, pink cheeks, hair falling around their face as they hide them in their hands.

"Don't cry. I'm ok I promise."

"But… Chi-chan did it to protect me. It's my fault Chi-chan is hurt." The child said with a teary voice.

He reaches his small hands out, trying to reach out to them and comfort them despite the pain in his limbs. His vision is blurry but his mind is focused solely on the other child. "Its ok. Chi-chan will protect you. You are my precious family after all, *****-chan"

Chuuya wakes up with tears in his eyes. This dream again. Of memories from his time in the lab. He doesn't remember much from back then but a voice inside him calls for the child in his memories.

It changes each time, showing him different parts of his life in the lab. More often than not, it stars the beautiful child. He doesn't remember what the child's face looks like, barely remembers the colour of his hair, all he remembers is feeling warm. He finds himself looking for a familiar face in the sea of people in Yokohama.

"Someday, we will get out of this hell hole and I'll marry *****-chan. Ok?"

The other child blushes, the pink on his cheeks blooming like cherry blossoms in the spring, as they look sheepishly at their feet as he swings their intertwined hands.

Chuuya wishes he could protect them for as long as he could.

Chuuya comes home from a mission to find his annoying partner sprawled across his couch reading his files.

"What the fuck are you doing in my apartment you waste of bandages? Go back to your own place.”

"But Chuuya~ your couch is comfy!"

"Then go get your own."

"What are you doing with all these files on yourself anyway? Is chibi a narcissist?"

"No you dumb fuck. I'm…. I'm looking for someone I knew."

"One of the scientists?"

"No. Another experiment."

"Hmm… Maybe they just don't want to be found."

Sleeping with Dazai was easy. He was pretty enough, experienced enough to give him what he wants, distant enough that he doesn't need to worry about having any strings attached.

The bandages never come off but he couldn't care less. They both have their secrets.

Chuuya leaves the moment they're done. Gets up before the sweat gets the chance to cool.

He misses the way Dazai's fingers twitch before they behave themselves and stay where they are.

On days when the rain is relentless outside, Chuuya catches himself wondering what his little friend looked like now. Are they taller than him? Did they keep their hair long? Do their wide almond eyes still reflect every emotion? Are their cheeks still tinted a blush pink?

He wonders what it would be like introducing them to Dazai. Will they like each other? Will they hate each other? He catches himself hoping they would get along.

"Give it up Chuuya. You're never going to find them."

"No! I promised them I'd protect them. I need to find them."

"You're being unreasonable."

"Me? You're the one who blew my car to bits without blinking an eye. How am I the unreasonable one?"

"How do you even know they're still alive?"

"The fact I'm still standing is enough evidence for me that they're alive so I need to find them."

"And what if you don't find them? What if they've forgotten about you? You need to move on from this Chuuya."

"You don't get to say that. It's easy for you to up and leave the people who care about you but that's not me. I don't abandon family"

"That's not fair. I lost people I cared about too."

It is not a very well known fact that Arahabaki wasn't attached to 1 vessel but 2 in that lab. One took on their power but the other took on their consciousness.

It was an even lesser known fact that Chuuya was never the first choice of vessel for the god of chaos.

When Chuuya woke up, he groaned in pain. They were testing the capacity for the children to retain spiritual energy. Not many of them survive these tests because of the burden it had on their small bodies.

He sits up and finds one of the children peeking shyly through the door. He doesn't know their name or their gender but he knows they're really pretty. He got along with them very fast. They only had each other after all.

They were the only 2 survivors of the energy capacity test. The other was generally favoured by the scientists. Intelligent, mild mannered, soft, compliant.

Chuuya, on the other hand, was brash, wild, unpredictable. It was a no brainer which child they would choose as a vessel.

It took him a really long while but after reading the file the government has on him line by line, he finally gets a clue. Ability user A515A, code name "Cloud Jumper."

He went to doc glasses to demand for the file in exchange for some help with a sensitive case.

"I want access to the files of ability user A515A, Cloud Jumper."

"That file doesn't exist Nakahara-san."

"It does and I know it. So hand it to me before I take it by force."

After a while the scientists realise they might actually end up killing the two remaining vessels they have if they put a god in one of them. So they split the god between the two.

The down side, if one dies, the other one dies with them.

Chuuya picks up a book about runes and ancient spells, tracing its worn spine.

"Are you learning to curse someone or something?" he asks his partner.

"The Irish mafia uses runes to communicate. Boss wanted me to pick up the symbols in case we needed them," the younger replies.

It became very clear that despite their clinical gazes, the scientists hated Chuuya. They would punish him whenever both of them played outside for a bit too long or if their antics went out of hand. The punishments grew harsher and harsher each time.

The other child, Cloud Jumper, could do nothing but cry in frustration with their hands balled in their robes.

"This time, it's my turn to protect Chi-chan. Just you wait! I'll make sure nothing ever hurts Chi-chan again."

Dazai asked him once where he got the name Nakahara Chuuya when it was nowhere in his file.

He shrugs and mentions the name sounded pretty.

"Chibi always did like pretty things."

Chuuya's eyes widened in shock and absolute agony. Heart threatening to break as he sees his hand plunged deep inside Dazai's chest.

Dazai's face is contorted with pain, blood seeping out of his mouth as he tries to hold in a scream. His hands are wrapped around Chuuya's to keep it from moving.

"I made it. On time," Dazai says in a weak voice.

"Dazai?" Chuuya's voice trembles in disbelief, the remnants of Corruption sending wave after wave of pain throughout his body.

A magic circle opens up on the ground beneath them, ancient runes circling them. He doesn't know where to look. Doesn't know what to do, just knows everything feels wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

"Chuuya. Look at me. Please."

Chuuya's vision blurs as tears threaten to spill from his eyes. Dazai's grip is starting to loosen as he looks into Dazai's eyes.

Dazai gives him a pained but soft smile, thumbs rubbing against the inside of Chuuya's wrist hoping to give him some meager amount of comfort but his tone is serious as he says the next few words.

"This is not your fault."

Dazai's breath is stuttering terribly, wet with blood, dark red rivulets dropping to the ground at a steady rate. The runes in the circle rise from the ground, enveloping them both and for a moment, Chuuya is paralysed. The ground shakes beneath them and they both collapse on the ground.

Dazai, what have you done?

There is a dark figure looming above them, laughing at its newfound freedom. Red, black swirls coat its body, its crimson eyes regarding the pair on the ground before it leaps off into the distance.

He can't move his body, can't lift a single finger. He sees Dazai limp next to him and he's not breathing.

It takes all his strength to lift his hand to Dazai's hair, running through his familiar soft locks.

The image in his head is suddenly so crystal clear as it merges with the one before him. Deep coffee coloured eyes, long chestnut waves, small hands in his own.

"You are my precious family after all…."

The bandages from Dazai's neck have begun to unwind and Chuuya spots it, on the back of his neck, partially covered by scars, the numbers A515A. His hands tremble where they lay on Dazai's soft locks.

"....'Samu- chan"

"No! Not this time. This time, it's my turn to protect Chi-chan. Just you wait! I'll make sure nothing ever hurts Chi-chan again."

Chuuya screams in despair. Screams as his heart threatens to rip itself out of its cage, screams because a part of himself was ripped away from him.

"Maybe they just don't want to be found."

Screams because the other half of his soul was standing by him for years and tried to protect him. Screams because he let him slip through his fingers so easily, burning himself to let the other live.

"I've lost people I cared about too."

Screams because now, his only reason to move forward lies dead right beside him in a pool of his own blood, a hole in his chest put there by him.

Dazai's blood is all over him and the warmth stings him like a venomous, singeing every nerve.

"This is not your fault."

How could he say such an obvious lie.

There, under the light of the moon, Chuuya weeps openly, screaming at the world for its cruelty. He reaches into Dazai's coat and his hand grasps the handle of his own dagger.

Chapter Text

Chuuya wakes up surrounded by white. That sadistic lady doctor of theirs must have gotten to them. He doesn't feel any of the after effects of corruption. No pain, no bruises, no internal damage, no stab wounds from a familiar dagger.

The room looked like an infirmary, more specifically, the agency's infirmary. He’s been here a while when Dazai brought him in after missions. When he gets up, he sees Dazai lying in the cot next to his own.

He slowly removes the blanket around him, putting his bare feet on the cold infirmary floor. He steps towards Dazai's cot, watching his chest rise and fall slowly.

He's alive, they both are. He combs his hair through Dazai's locks, appreciating how soft they are and the warmth radiating from the other.

Dazai's long mocha coloured lashes flutter as he stirs, coffee eyes settling on Chuuya. He sits up slowly, exhaustion making his blood feel like syrup in his veins.

"Hey," Chuuya starts, voice cracking.

"Hey," the younger responds softly. He sits up only to be enveloped by strong arms.

Chuuya holds him tightly.

"I've been looking for you everywhere."

"I know."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want Chuuya to stay just because you knew me."

Chuuya sighs in exasperation. His partner never did let others take care of him. They stay like that for a while, Chuuya rocking his favourite person in his arms.

"I guess it's about time I fulfilled my promise isn't it."

"What promise?"

"That I marry you the moment we left that hell hole."

Dazai's cheeks turn cherry blossom pink just the way Chuuya remembers and he tries to hide his face in Chuuya's shoulder.