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SIXTH TIME'S THE CHARM
There was no other way to put it—his stomach felt funny.
Sasuke, at 10 years old, was on the first day of his 5th year at grade school when he felt this odd feeling for the very first time. After realizing that he was right, that he should've been in Itachi's high school where all the grown-ups were, he saw this colorful girl entering their loud classroom.
In a house where expensive black marbles and fancy gray rugs were all over, Sasuke was actually familiar with the hues he saw on this girl. She had a light rose color for hair (the same shade as his mother's poppies in their garden), vibrant red for the ribbon that sat atop her pink locks (as red as the blood on Shisui's nose when his brother accidentally elbowed him), and sunny yellow for her backpack (like the funny yellow slippers that he found under his father's desk when he was 4.)
He found her annoying immediately, even though he hadn't really associated that word with anyone before. Yes, his parents could be pushy or his brother a tease; yes, Naruto could be obnoxious and stupid and always makes him want to go bang his head onto a wall—but not annoying. Sasuke frowned with the realization and ignored the rest of the world.
Seconds passed and there was a gush of air on his side, and when he breathed, he smelled of apples. His senses awoken, suddenly aware of a presence behind him where a vacant seat was, and he knew it was the annoying girl even without looking back. His brows furrowed with irritation. Why was he so annoyed?
It was a premonition, maybe. That's why after a few heartbeats, he felt a tap on his shoulder and a soft voice behind him that said, "Uhm... hey, can I... borrow a sharpener?"
The side of his eye ticked with displeasure. Who goes to their first day of school without proper school supplies? he thought. Annoying. She wants a sharpener? I'll give her something else.
Sasuke twisted sideways to turn his sharp glare on her and readied himself to tell her to leave him alone, "You're here and you don't even ha-"
For a moment, he was lost in pools of green—like the grass in their backyard in the summer, or the glittering jades his grandmother had on her fingers when she died, or the emerald ocean he saw while on his first plane ride abroad. Her eyelashes flutter against her porcelain skin and her eyes were wide and open and so very green that he flinched.
And that was when the funny feeling started— when he looked too long and she looked back with those doe eyes of hers. He's an Uchiha, and an Uchiha never loses. He wanted to stay upright and stay looking at her as she was looking at him expectantly, but it was too much and his stomach was doing funny things.
At 7:58 am on April 2007, he looked away for the first time.
Sasuke felt like his stomach was full of bugs and there were ants crawling at the back of his neck. It was all he felt before he silently reached back behind him to let her borrow his sharpener. He heard her say, "Thank you...?"
She trailed off, making him answer her silent question. "Sasuke..." he answered softly, still looking ahead. The tips of his ears burned when he felt her lean forward to drop his sharpener on his desk and breathed behind his head, "Thank you, Sasuke-kun. I'm Sakura."
That was the start, really, and he really should've known too.
She could make her own decisions—he'll reason out to himself after.
Popularity in school had always been the bane of his existence. He couldn't really go into the cafeteria without being hounded by people; girls and boys alike. As someone who doesn't really like crowds, sometimes it gnaws at his ankles that feel like anxiety and he has found himself many times biting the inside of his cheek to not lash out at anyone. His scowl remained though.
He knew it was mainly about his looks. Not to brag or anything, but Sasuke knew how he looks. Add that to his famous last name, he knew his effect on anyone; how he could shush a room with just one glance and melt a person with one word. As someone attractive as he, Sasuke thought this was inevitable.
After all, Sakura bloomed into a prettier flower from 5 years ago.
They were 15 and were into their last year of middle school when Sakura gained the same popularity he had. At first, it was shy hellos and whispered goodbyes from her suitors, until it became random chocolates on lockers and crumpled love letters on her desks.
He didn't mind them at all. I mean, why would he? They were just friends. It stemmed from their journey to seatmates then project partners and eventual rivals for the top student spot, yes; but it made Sasuke learn that she had a smart brain and an even smarter mouth, and somehow that made him tolerate her and eventually considered her as a friend today. Not to add that his mother loved having her around their house. Even his stoic father and his elusive brother were enamored, that he could tell.
That's why when Sasori Akasuna stepped into the public library where they at studying with Naruto, he didn't know what to feel. Or rather, he didn't know why he felt like the bugs were back in his stomach giving him not a funny feeling but a bitter one. He could almost taste it at the back of his throat.
The redhead was 2 years ahead of them and a year behind his brother who was in third-year high school. He remembered when they had a group study in their house and that was the time Itachi had his friends come over too. If Sasuke remembered correctly, that was the first time Sakura spoke to Sasori.
"Hey," Sasori's eyes were on Sakura, but he did a quick sweep to him and Naruto, who was passed out on the table. "Itachi said you three were here."
Sasuke remained impassive while Sakura beamed her signature smile. He watched as Sasori slightly straightened his shoulder and stood a little taller. "Sasori-senpai, nice to see you here."
Not really. He focused on his calculus textbook at hand and tried to not listen.
"Do you need anything?" Sakura continued.
"Yeah, I was actually looking for you Sak. I need to ask you a favor."
Sasuke frowned, his fingers hovered on his laptop as he waited. No, you don't. Go away.
Ever the helpful and kind one, Sakura answered. "Yes, of course."
In his peripheral, he saw Sasori leaning in a little on their table. "My mom's birthday is coming up soon and I still don't know what to get her. You're the best girl I know so I thought you could help me out?"
Sasuke fought the scoff that threatened to come out of him. Liar.
Even without him seeing her face, he knew she was blushing. Sakura does that a lot especially if you pay her a compliment that seems genuine. The words that came out of the older boy sounded nice, but Sasuke just didn't feel right. He frowned a little more as he unconsciously typed with renewed vigor. He missed the look that both Sasori and Sakura gave him after that.
"That's wonderful, senpai! Of course, I'd be happy to help," Sakura replied. "When do you need me?"
"Uhm... can I have you for the rest of the day? I'll treat you in exchange."
Sneaky bastard.
Sakura stammered, "N-no! It's okay! I'm happy to help, no need to bribe me or treat me or anything."
Sasuke's eye twitched when he saw Sasori reached out and held her hand, "Then consider it as a date instead?"
Motherfucker.
There was a brief silence until he heard his name, "Sasuke."
He subtly took a breath before facing their upperclassman, "Akasuna-san."
The redhead smirked, "No need to be so formal. You're 'Tachi's baby brother anyway." Sasuke gritted his teeth in return and just waited for him to continue. "So... can I have Sakura?"
There was a certain glint in Sasori's grayish-brown eyes that he didn't like. The subtle smirk on his face also wasn't a good sign. And of course, it felt like the question had a double meaning. Whatever it was, Sasuke felt it grate on his nerves. He faced the look head-on with his own narrow gaze.
Sasuke feigned nonchalance, "Don't you think I'm not the right person to ask that? Ask her."
Sasori grinned maliciously, "Are you sure?"
He felt a hand on his arm, "Sasuke-kun." Slowly, he turned his eyes on her.
"We still have a few to cover," she whispered. "Do you want to just continue this tomorrow? It's the weekend anyway and we still have next week."
A few moments passed and he thought about it. If he was being rational, he could agree with her and just haul Naruto's snoring ass out of the library this instant. He could tell her to go and have fun, to say good luck to them in finding the perfect gift for this asshole's imaginary mother.
But Sasuke was never rational—he's impulsive and brash, and he does whatever the hell he wants. He wanted to tell her to not go, to continue finding formulas and testing hypotheses with him, to tell this redhead prick to get the hell away from her because he feels something is off about him. Sasuke wanted to tell Sakura one thing.
Stay.
But that would be letting out feelings, and Sasuke Uchiha never shows his feelings because feelings are complicated. He doesn't want any of it. So instead, he shrugged as he hides his inner turmoil.
"Why are you asking me permission?" he said before turning away. "Do what you want."
It was the afternoon of June 2012 at 1:33 pm when he looked away from her for the second time.
When he saw the faint image of them walking out and Sasori's hand holding the door for her, he pretended not to see; the small twinge of hurt in his chest disregarded. And when Sakura texted him that she wouldn't make it to tomorrow's continuation of their review because "Sasori-senpai asked me to help set up the surprise party for his mom," he told his mother afterward that he needed a new phone because it "accidentally broke into 4 pieces."
It wasn't right—Sasuke would tell himself later after he got home.
It was late and the party was in full swing. Sasuke would never be a fan of social gatherings, he thought. At 17, one should say to him to loosen up; to live life, and embrace the youth. Live wild while you're young.
Sporting a drink that he didn't even like, his eyes found her and her college lover of almost 2 years now.
Sakura may be tiny, but she's not a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. He's not sure why and how was she able to acquire this ability, but since it helps her to be sober most of the time when drunk dudes try to hit on her, he would never complain at all.
From across the room, her arms were around her boyfriend's neck while the older redhead has his hands on her hips. They were laughing about something as they slow dance to the pop music background, a huge contrast to the wild flailing arms and sweat-stained bodies of drunk people all over the place.
Sasori whispered something in her ear and a few moments later gave her a peck on the lips before going away. Sasuke watched Sakura watch her boyfriend as he walks away before scanning the room. Their eyes locked and she smiled dazedly before slowly approaching his form on the windowsill.
"You having fun back here? Looks like you need something with more punch," she said, nodding her head to the red cup in his hand. She playfully touched her cup to his before downing the contents of hers.
He made a face, "You have had something that's more than just a punch, it seems."
She laughed a little, making the glitters on her eyelids disappear because her eyes crinkle close whenever she smiles or laughs. "You already know I can take it."
He just hummed in response, purposely not looking down at her outfit that showed off her thighs, and sipped his alcohol in silence. Sasuke turned his eyes outside where he saw the bunch of parked cars of these random people, wondering if they were going home feeling like shit like he would.
A cold hand cupped his jaw and he flinched. He looked back at Sakura and her green eyes were gleaming under the party lights and the moonlight from the night sky. She removed her hand, "Oh, sorry... you have something on your jaw. I thought it was a hickey or something." She laughed softly.
He reached out to touch the skin now burning from her touch, "That's no-"
"I know. You're not one for random hook-ups anyway." She moved closer, "That's why..."
Sasuke could smell her faint perfume now, or maybe that was her shampoo? The tiny hairs on her skin could also be seen by his sharp eyes; from her clavicle to the exposed skin of her neck. There were small beads of sweat formed on her philtrum, and her lips looked plump as she bites the lower one.
She's drunk. She will never do this sober. She is not in her right mind.
His mind was running miles per minute and she was now so close he could feel her breath on the corner of his mouth. It smelled like booze and mangoes, and he had no idea why found that pleasant.
Sakura tiptoed for her to reach his ear then whispered, "That's why... I'm here to tell you that there is a cute girl that's been eyeing you for a few minutes now. Look. Your 8 o'clock."
Time stood still. Hope weakly beat beneath his ribcage then stopped altogether. He looked at her earnest face, a playful grin from her soft lips that he badly wanted to taste, and felt the bitter tang of the alcohol he had consumed for the past 2 hours. It was as bitter as this truth—he would never have her.
He just realized it as he fakes a smile at her before spewing some words that he couldn't even remember to her before approaching the said cute girl. He looked away because she was so beautiful inebriated and dazed, and she was so beautiful coherent and sober, and she was so beautiful every time in between.
It was on a random September night at 1:17 am in the year 2014, within that lame party, where Sasuke looked away for the third time because it wasn't right—it wasn't right for Sakura to be that beautiful under the moonlight, yet not even his.
Her tears would be the cause of his untimely demise—and Sasuke just wanted to live a little longer.
This was the part where he should say to her, "I told you so." He knew from the start that Sasori was bad news but he still let her be in that bastard's arms for the longest time because he knew she loved him truly. It was a painful pill to swallow but he cared for Sakura's happiness more than anything that's why he let her.
But after this night? After this night where he saw the said man sucking face with some other woman that's not Sakura after being with her for 3 years? After he accepted the fact that Sakura may never be his?
No more.
His feet moved faster than his brain, and his fist even faster than that. He swung and hit Sasori square in the jaw, his knuckles bruised after just one hit. Sasuke leaned down to grip the redhead's collar with both hands and growled, "I never should've let you the first time."
Sasori pushed him back harshly, making him let go of his shirt. The redhead spat on the ground which came away red, "So what? So you can have her that time?" He pushed forward, his face right up his face in mere inches, his eyes were burning with malice. "News flash kid, if she didn't want you then, what makes you think she'll want you now?"
There came another set of swinging fists, but this time it was from both of them. The commotion was getting out of hand, and his brother and Shisui separated them. Sasuke could feel his cheekbone and knuckles throbbing.
"What's this?" a soft voice pierced the chaos of the evening.
Sakura stood a few distances away from them, wide-eyed by seeing her best friend and her boyfriend battered and bleeding. "Wha-… what happened?" Her green eyes went from him to Sasori who looked worse than him, and Sasuke saw the hesitation in her body language.
She didn't know who to go to first. It pained Sasuke to a point.
He looked at her small form, hunched because of the layers she wore to fight the cold, and he silently asked for whatever deity there was to let her see that beyond the lies and deceit of her lover was his truth.
I love you. Choose me.
There was her inner battle clearly reflected in her emerald irises and he swore he could hear her silent apology when her feet started to go to where he wasn't.
The fourth time Sasuke looked away was when he was 18, in love and in pain, at exactly 9:00 pm on a cold November night in 2015. He could never stand seeing her tears, may it be for cheating assholes and heartbroken best friends.
It was too much—that's simply it.
Months passed and they graduated high school today. Sakura was top of their class and at 19 years old, admitted to the most prestigious school outside the country. She was radiant with her white robes, jade eyes earnest and true, voice ringing throughout the auditorium.
Sasuke sat there and watched, forever bewitched, if the butterflies (not bugs) in his stomach weren't indication enough.
It had been a rough year for her, which meant for him too. Sakura later broke up with Sasori, with her finally realizing that she deserved much better, and focused on graduating. He later confirmed that she indeed cared for the older man that's why she was hurt with the way things went.
She came back stronger than ever and even more beautiful when she was loving another person. Now, she loves herself more, and that was what's making her glow. Sasuke reveled in this fact.
The ceremony passed by like a blur and the next thing he knew, he was at the last party of his high school days. He felt like passing out from exhaustion already, but he loved seeing Sakura like this—carefree and alive, and so so pretty with glitters in her hair.
After a few hours, he was leaning on a wall outside the building when he felt a presence beside him. He didn't need to check who it was because she was the only person who will take this precious place. No one would ever replace. No one.
"My flight is in 3 days," she whispered. He peeked at her to look at her face now facing skywards, "I'll miss this place."
His heart constricted. She'd be leaving for college and he was going away too but on a completely different continent than hers. She'd be away for 4 years, even more, and the thought of not seeing her that long already made Sasuke frown.
"Please don't make that face," she touched his chin. "You know I can't stand that."
Sasuke kicked a rock beneath his foot, "What face?"
"That... like you're not happy at all."
He humorlessly laughed, "Should I be?" He continued to look down at his legs now aimlessly moving around.
There was silence in their shared space until she replied, "I thought you are."
It was the sadness in her voice that made him look at her, and he saw her eyes peering up at his face. In the dead of night where alcohol was again in his bloodstream and her eyes were as green as it was back then, Sasuke clenched his fist hard for self-control. That face...
It was too much. It was all too much he had to look away again; so, he did. For the fifth time over the course of their friendship, Sasuke looked away again. He straightened his stance and walked away silently.
"Stop doing that!"
He stopped walking, surprised about her outburst. Her voice was now cracking and he could feel his resolve slowly crumbling down. "What do you need from me, Sakura? What do you want?" he said, his back still on her.
"I need you to stop," she shakily whispered.
"I just did."
"I want you to stop looking away."
His heart suddenly gave a sudden halt. This is the thing he was afraid of—a Sakura that knows how to get what she wants. She could probably move mountains if she wanted to and he'd be helpless to do anything.
He swallowed, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Her voice was strong when she said, "Then look at me... I want you to look at me, Sasuke-kun."
Sasuke's fingers trembled with the urge to flee but he desperately tried one more time, "We should go home, Sak. It's late. We both need to pack for our fl-"
"Do you hate me, Sasuke-kun?"
Her words rang true within the blanket of the evening where they could hear nothing but their loud breaths. She continued, "Do you hate me? Why can't you talk to me about things that matter to you? What are you so afraid of? Why won't you let me see you? Why can't you look at m-"
He could not take it any longer. He whirled around and walked briskly towards her. Sasuke gripped her arms with his large hands and he almost screamed at her face, "This!" He grabbed her face with both of his hands, "This is why, Sakura!"
She was trembling against him and he was shaking with too much pent-up reverence and love for her. "Do you see this, huh? I'm afraid you'll see this. I'm afraid you'll see how much I want you and how much I have loved you all these years."
With a pained exhale, he pressed his forehead against hers, eyes closed as her breath tickles his face. He opened his eyes and looked down on her lips, "I'm afraid..." He leaned down slightly and opened his mouth to descend on hers before pulling away. "I'm afraid I might do this," he whispered.
For the first time, Sasuke looked directly into her eyes, those green orbs he has loved for all of his seasons. "I'm afraid I may not able to stop... Not then... not now... not ever."
There was a slight delay of breath until Sakura breathed out her response, "Then don't."
Two words struck hard, crushing his ribs and making its way to his tiny little heart already full of her, and one look passed between the two of them before Sasuke finally closed the distance.
9 years of pining reduced into mere minutes of this passionate embrace of limbs and lips. It was with desperation and apology, for taking such a long time to do this, that they kiss each other's mouths until it went numb. His tongue touched the seams of her lips and when she opened it to welcome him home, he couldn't help but grip her harder.
When they part, it was with a heavy heart, knowing that their days were limited. They have flights to catch and dreams to fulfill. Sasuke could feel his eyes burning under his closed lids.
"Promise me," he heard Sakura say. "Promise me something, Sasuke-kun."
He softly kissed her mouth, willing to give her anything, and he told her so. "Anything."
She tenderly held his face and looked into his eyes, "You'll look for me once we're done with everything. You'll find me after we finish chasing our dreams and then we'll build our future together." Her eyes were boring into his, "Tell me we're meant to be. Tell me that we will be together at the end of this and once you find me, you'll never let me go again."
She leaned towards his lips and gave him a soft kiss, "And trust me when I promise I'll do the same."
Sasuke's hold on her waist went tighter and he lit up inside when she trembled in her passion. He buried his face on her neck and slightly leaned forward to put his lips on her ear, "I'll do anything for you."
He faced her head-on, this clash of blacks and greens under the starlit sky, and he sealed the night with their promise of a lifetime. "I promise."
Butterflies or bugs, nothing would ever make him look away again... because all he sees is her.
~fin~