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Thor entered the penthouse, confused about what Friend Tony might want. But the faithful spirit Jarvis said Tony wished to speak as soon as possible, and Thor was never one to keep a friend waiting.
Tony was sitting on his sofa, wringing his hands nervously. He ceased when he saw Thor. “Hey, Pikachu! How’s your hammer?”
“Mjolnir is fine, my friend.” The god of thunder knew very well what Tony meant, but it was more entertaining to pretend ignorance. “Are you well?”
“I’m fine. Great. Perfect.” Tony stood up and walked towards the kitchen, oddly. “Come with me, I have a present for you.”
Thor liked presents. Especially food. He willingly followed his teammate, wondering what odd Midgardian treat Tony would offer.
When Tony reached the refrigerator, he turned around and leaned against it. “So you only get your present if you promise not to smite me.”
“Smite you? My own shield brother?” Thor made himself frown, even though he was on the verge of laughter. What Tony wished to tell him must be something quite impressive. “You have my oath. I will not smite you.” Technically, maiming wasn’t smiting. Thor knew a loophole when he saw one.
“Okay, great.” Tony noticed he was fidgeting, and went still. “So Loki and I are dating. Uh, courting.”
Thor scowled, just to make his friend worry a little. He was secretly pleased -- Loki needed someone as smart as Tony, and Thor wasn’t oblivious to the soft looks the pair exchanged when they thought no one was looking. “I would have my gift now.”
“Okay, okay.” Tony whirled around and opened the freezer. He pulled out a box. “The company that makes Pop Tarts started making ice cream bars.” The mortal held out the box, looking hopeful. “They’re brown sugar cinnamon flavored.”
Pop Tart ice cream? Hm. Thor accepted the gift, making sure to keep frowning, opened it, and took out a frozen treat. He set the box on the counter and unwrapped the confection. The makers of Pop Tarts were clever.
The first bite was like Valhalla. Thor moaned, then noticed Tony pale.
“Please don’t ever make that sound again,” Tony pleaded.
Thor choked back a laugh and swallowed. “These are an acceptable bride price,” he said, proud of himself for looking serious. He watched Tony in satisfaction as he took another bite. Delicious.
“Bride what?” Tony sputtered.
“Bride price,” Thor replied around a mouthful of ice cream. “You will make my brother very happy.”
Tony looked terrified. “I, uh. We’re not. I mean--”
Thor smiled serenely as he continued to eat, enjoying himself. Tony thought Thor didn’t get his nicknames, never dreaming that Thor would remember them and look them up next time he was alone. Tony deserved to suffer a little. “I suggest you marry soon. You are mortal, after all, and you are not getting any younger.”
With that, Thor took the box of ice cream and left Tony gaping after him. The elevator doors opened as he approached, then closed smoothly behind him. Only then did Thor let himself grin like the fool Loki thought he was.
Thor knew he wasn’t as smart as his brother. But everyone seemed to forget that he’d been raised as a brother to the god of mischief. Did they really think he’d learned nothing? “Jarvis, please tell me Loki’s reaction when Tony relates our conversation.”
“Of course, Mr. Odinson.” The voice paused. “I rarely see Sir so flustered, if I may say so. I am impressed.”
“Thank you, Jarvis.” Thor chuckled. “And please order me some more ice cream bars. They’re delicious.”