Work Text:
How to be a Good Parent: Bison Edition
by: Appa
Latest Update: Day of Sozin's Comet
Understanding human children can be difficult. In fact, understanding how you even ended up with human children is arduous. One moment, you were living the good life, feeling the wind in your fur, the next, you have four - oh no, it's five now - children clinging on to you.
Human children are weird, but never forget that they are absolute adorable and you must absolutely kill anyone who harms them. If you have love to give, do not be afraid, because you're already ten tons better than most of their actual human parents!
(Note: This article is not responsible for any endangerment to people know as Firelord Ozai. To see more please scroll to the bottom of the page where the end of article notes are.)
Part 1: How to Handle Idiots with a Death Wish
Humans are quite fragile creatures, as you already know. Unfortunately, they themselves do not seem to know that. Therefore, it is up to us to help them through these moments with patience and resilience and - Zuko, not again!
Step 1: Always Keep Watch, and be There to Help Them
Even the most responsible of children (Katara) can lose their brain at any given point. Always make sure to watch over your children and be there for them when they need it the most. Especially if they plan on destroying Roku's Temple.
It is incredibly important to keep this in mind in case you have a Zuko. Zukos are rather prone to self-sacrifice, especially when involving Azulas, due to their upbringing. See end of article notes for more.
Step 2: Know that They'll Never Grow Out of it, and that's Okay
Despite what one may think, humans are creatures of habit. You children are dumb, with zero self-preservation, because Azula has claimed Slytherin rights. But that's okay! Bison's live longer than humans, so you can always protect them.
Parenting is a never ending task. Be grateful!
(Be grateful, I said!!!)
Step 3: Resist the Urge to Scream
Humans do not take to screaming very well. If you must scream, do it somewhere where they cannot hear your profanities. Beware of little blind girls that hears too much.
Step 4: Never Put the Boys Together
By nature, human girls are slightly less dumb than human boy. Naturally, this makes agender or genderqueer humans the best, but that's another topic. When human boys such as Sokka and Aang are put together, you must be prepared for one of two things:
-the apocalypse
-the apocalypse caused by them being idiots around the girls
This is especially true for Aang, who is prone to have Chronic Silliness, and very infectious disease that is transmitted via boys-with-ponytails.
Step 5: Never Put the Girls Together
Just.
Don't.
Please, for the sake of this world and the Spirit one.
Don't.
Part 2: Encouragement and Discipline
Loving your child is only half of parenting. It's the important half, but it's still only half. Making sure that your child grows and learns, builds character, learns right from wrong, lives to actually see the next day for fuck's sake if very important.
Step 1: Be Prepared for Anything
When being a parent, you children will consistently surprise you. This is a good thing and not at all heatattack-inducing. To keep up with the younglings, make sure to take things in stride. For example, when Zuko and Sokka breaks into a high-security prison for the other parent who isn't even around as much (honestly Hakoda!), remember to reign in your temper. Rumble disapprovingly and stare at them until they realise what they've done wrong
Step 2: Give Advice, but Don't Tell them Outright
When your children need advice, they will come to you whether they like it or not. This is a good thing, as it means you have created a safe environment where they trust you. Even if they interrupt you sleep, and even if you haven't slept in three days because Katara was off to exact rightful revenge, do not chase them away.
Instead, pretend to listen to their human garbling. They'll figure it out on their own ... eventually.
Step 3: Don't Lose your Temper, Even when Sokka is in your mouth
Especially when Sokka is in your mouth.
Refer to Part 1: Step 3 if you feel yourself slipping.
Step 4: Know what Works Best
Every human children is different, with different mindsets. Unlike bison, who are content with fruit and sleep, human children need attention and freedom to explore. When they mess up, remember to be gentle with ones like Aang and Zuko, and be firm with the likes of - Toph you CANNOT uproot a police precinct! DO I NEED TO SIT ON YOU AGAIN?
Step 5: Let them Help Each Other
Sometimes, being a parents means supervising and guiding, not directly intervening. Of course, you are to be there in case there is in-fighting, but sometimes, the siblings can take care of each other. Remember, they are family, they are yours, and they are each other's.
Bonus: Contact Iroh
For more information, fly to the Jasmine Dragon. A wonderful place for tea lovers and tired parents who need a little break.
Part 2b: Don't Be Ozai
See end of article notes for a proper, well thought out reason for why.
He doesn't deserve his own part.
Part 3: Know They Aren't Bison
You will never be human, and that's perfectly alright. Your children may be of a different species, but that doesn't make your family any less valid. They love you and they understand you. That being said, some people, like Toph, do not, in fact, need to be carried everywhere like a cub, no matter how smol she is.
Don't make this mistake. She will punch you.
And for a human, her punches hurt.
Step 1: Don't Ask About Their Other Four Feet
Firstly, rude.
Secondly, they can't understand you.
Thirdly, why would you do that? Watch them trip over the two they do have, it's hilarious!
Step 2: Be Careful When Hugging
As stated before, humans are fragile creatures. While hugging is imperative for survival, not being crushed by a creature larger than them is also imperative. When hugging, be gentle, and only pin down the lower half of their body using your sides.
Step 3: When Slipping into Bison Mode ...
They will vibe with you.
Sokka will vibe harder than the rest. Keep him away from Cactus Juice, just in case.
Step 4: Do Not Treat Zuko and Toph like Cubs
As stated before, Toph will punch you. With earth.
Zuko will act grumpy. Lick him twice to placate him. Lick him thrice to get him back to grumpy state.
On occasion, Zuko, will need to be licked four times, when he starts crying about Iroh. Be gentle with the sweetheart, he deserves better. See end of article notes.
Step 6: Endure Pokes
Human children can get jittery at times. Their favourite pass time during these restless periods may be "poke"
Poke is an ancient human ritual, spanning centuries. I would know - I'm a hundred years old. Human culture is weird.
Endure poking because you love them. Refer to Part 1: Step 3 when necessary.
Step 6: Airbender Aren't Airbisons
I cannot stress this enough. Aang CANNOT fly through random mountain and trees, DO NOT LET HIM.
Part 4: Create a Loving Environment
As stated before, though love may only be half of the equation, you are a bison and you can't do math. Love is very important to growing human children, especially these growing human children. This is probably the hardest part of parenting as well.
Step 1: Take Care of their Physical Well-being
Humans are really bad at this. You'd think that Katara would be better, but you'd be wrong! Don't worry, I was wrong too. I looked away and then she stole a scroll!
Here are some tips for taking care of them:
-Keep them warm with your body. Let them curl up next to you
-Don't forget, humans need to be fed and watered regularly
-They also need to shower - Toph! Get back here!
-Make sure they get plenty of rest - no Zuko - instead of staying up late - Sokka ... you too Katara? - and having "sleepovers" - stop this, all of you - fine, I'll join -
Step 2: Take care of their Mental Well-being
Humans are even worse at this somehow! Being a bison parent means tuning in to your children's emotions, and knowing how to deal with them. Here are some tips:
-It's okay to cry. Your child called Aang doesn't need to be happy all the time. Your child named Zuko needs to know this is not a weakness
-Somedays are just going to suck. Your girl called Katara will be a little moody, and you need to be patient with her. You don't need to be perfect, but you need to be understanding.
-Create a safe environment where your children are willing to open up to you and each other. It's important to talk about your feelings - Toph, I see you trying to sneak away.
Step 3: They're not Perfect, and Nor are You
Sometimes, you love your children so much that you want to believe they are flawless. Let's face it, they're not. But, as we have all learned from Azula - another child we should look into adopting - perfection is overrated. We may not be human, but even we, the great Air Bison race can fall short. This is a reality that every parent has to accept. There will be times when they frustrate us, or we frustrate them. There may even be times where loving hurts, because sometimes, loving is hard.
And when these times come - because they will - remember to take a step back. Appreciate what is, and accept what is not. Family is family, and this family is not one you will give up just because of some minor issues - I swear to Yue, Sokka -
Step 4: Be Prepared For More
Humans are sociable creatures. They like to bring new people into the pack.
Fortunately, Suki is the most sensible of them all.
Part 5: You and I
Now, let's take a time away from humans, and focus on ourselves. After all, we are quite a large part of this family
Step 1: Remember, I Belong Here
Right here, in this little family of ours. And therefore, this article belongs in Tales of the Gaang. Granted, it took a bit of debating with the other works, the author of Tighter than Braids was very supportive, and since the author of in the Rubble of Their Tomb was crying, the rest let me be to focus on that.
Step 2: You Belong Here
Yes, YOU, fellow bison! You, dear friend who proofread this article, you dear writer who is procrastinating, you dear reader who's procrastinating harder - you all belong here. Even if there is no place in the world for our endangered species, at the very least, you are here, you are safe here, you belong here, and I thank you for being here.
Step 3: One Last Time
Say it with me: for more, see end of article notes!
About the Author:
Appa is a father of five - oops, six now - just trying to get by as one of the lasts of his species. He graduated from EasternAT Bison Academy for Bisons, and is currently working as a professional pilot. In his spare time, Appa lets his children braid his hair and takes naps. Currently, Appa is single, and looking for a committed relationship with other Air Bison parents. Please check out his profile on AirBisonBae.wind. For more, contact Appa on his Chirper page @Dadpa
End of article notes: Ozai is shit. When thinking of him, refer to Part 1: Step 3.