Chapter Text
EXT : TESTABURGER HOUSE, SOUTH PARK - DAY
A typical day in South Park. Shot of a house. LUNA walks along the sidewalk, shivering slightly.
LUNA (to self) : Brr, what is it with this town? It’s always freezing here...
She comes to the path up to the house’s front door, and turns up it. Luna sits on the step in front of the door.
LUNA (gulp) : Well, I’m here... better get in some practice...
She coughs, clasps her front paws together, and looks apologetic.
LUNA (practising) : Wendy... I’m sorry! I’m so sorry for thinking you were Sailor Moon and leading you on a wild goose chase for months, before dropping you instantly when I found you were the wrong girl! It wasn’t very nice... (coughs, back to normal) No, that probably won’t wash... (back to practice, teary) Wendy, it was cruel of me to disappear suddenly with no warning after wasting your time and endangering your life for months... (back to normal, thoughtful) Hm. This is going to be tougher than I thought. But I do at least owe her an apology... though if I remember correctly she wasn’t exactly the forgiving type. (shrug) Oh well, I’ll try. I mean, what can she do, shoot me into the sun?
Luna looks around, and sees that the front window of Wendy’s house is a little open. She leaps up to the widow sill and enters.
CUT TO :
TESTEBURGER HOUSE LIVING ROOM
The room is deserted apart from Luna who drops in from the window. She looks around cautiously. Everything is very quiet...
LUNA (whisper) : Wendy?
She explores a little more. The lower level of the house seems to be deserted. Luna looks nervous.
LUNA : This feels strange...
She heads into the hallway
CUT TO :
HALLWAY
Luna shudders.
LUNA : I have a very bad feeling about this...
There is suddenly a knock at the front door. Luna hides.
VOICE1 (boyish, OS) : Wendy! You there?
VOICE2 (boyish, OS) : She’s probably still sick or something, Stan.
The door handle turns and it opens to show the voices are STAN MARSH and KYLE BROVLOVSKI. Stan steps into the house but Kyle hesitates.
KYLE : Dude! You can’t just walk into her house!
STAN : Hey, the door was open. Don’t you think we should check on her if she’s sick?
KYLE : You never checked on me when I was sick!
STAN : Dude, you have the measles, damnit! I did NOT want to get that f***ing thing again.
KYLE : You can’t get measles twice, moron! You’re just here because you’re worried about your (teasing) girrrlfriend!
STAN : I am not! I’m just concerned about a f**king classmate, damnit!
Stan heads toward the stairs. Kyle follows him.
KYLE (laughing) : Hey, if Wendy’s sick, maybe this time she’ll get to puke all over you!
STAN (annoyed) : Shut the f**k up, Kyle!
Luna frowns as she watches the two go upstairs.
LUNA (thinking) : Nuts. Having these two around will put a crimp in my apology plans... still, Wendy’s sick? I guess that might explain the atmosphere in here...
There is a SCREAM. It’s Stan. Luna is alarmed.
LUNA : What the?
STAN (OS) : OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED WENDY!
KYLE (OS) : YOU BAS**RDS!
Now Luna’s shocked.
LUNA : Wendy?!? Oh no!
She dashes upstairs...
FADE TO WHITE
PSSMR INTRO SEQUENCE GOES HERE.
Bart’s Blackboard Line - I will not make her wild like me.
I will not make her wild like me.
I will not make her wild like me.
I will not make her wil
Couch Scene - Lisa, Allison, Jessica, Minako and Laura jump onto the couch in that order. They twirl, hold up their brooch/pens and transform in mid jump, so they’re in Sailor Soldier mode when they land. Jup-Laura misjudges her jump and her legs hit the back of the couch, sending her toppling head over heels over the back of the couch. A moment later she sticks her head up from behind it, obviously dazed.
PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON R
Episode 1 : The inevitable sequel begins! Mysterious new sailors appear all mysterious-like!
By GKScotty
INTRO MONTAGE
LISA stands with her back to the camera. As the voiceover talks, she turns and gives the V (victory) sign.
LISA (VO) : Hi, I’m Lisa Simpson!
Scene changes to show various pictures of Lisa trying to deal with living with Homer, Marge, Bart and Maggie.
LISA (VO) : I used to think my life was strange... but really I hadn’t seen anything yet. Not until a black cat called Luna turned up in my bedroom... hopefully you already know some of this. It might be a really good idea to read the original Simpson Moon if you don’t.
Show scenes of Lisa meeting LUNA.
LISA (VO) : Almost a year ago I met a talking cat, who told me her name was Luna and that I was Sailor Moon. Naturally I didn’t believe her at first (shots of Lisa’s reaction after she’s transformed for the first time) but it wasn’t long before I had to face up to it. She made me fight monsters and evil villains because of that. And she roped in three of my friends...
Shots of ALLISON intercut with shots of MERC-ALLISON.
LISA (VO, cont) : Allison Taylor, a very intelligent girl who wound up as Sailor Mercury...
Shots of JESSICA intercut with shots of MARS-JESSICA.
LISA (VO) : Jessica Lovejoy, a... um... *cough* high spirited girl who got made Sailor Mars...
Shots of LAURA intercut with shots of JUP-LAURA
LISA (VO) : And Laura Powers, the local tomboy who was older than us but still made a very good Sailor Jupiter.
Shots of MINAKO and ARTEMIS intercut with shots of VENUS-MINAKO.
LISA (VO) : Later on, another cat named Artemis arrived from England bringing the fifth soldier with him - Minako Aino, Sailor Venus!
Show various shots of Jimboite, Nelsonite, Dolphite, Kearneyite and Beryl.
LISA (VO) : Together we fought against the Dark Kingdom and their plans for world domination. It was sometimes strange and sometimes very silly, but hey, I eventually enjoyed it. Or at least I did until Luna told us we couldn’t any more.
Show scenes of Moon-Lisa and Luna arguing. Luna takes back the brooch and the pens (not Venus’) and runs off.
LISA (VO) : Apparently Luna had got the wrong girls. She took away my brooch and the pens to prevent us trying to fight Beryl, because she knew we couldn’t win! It wasn’t the first time Luna had done this... she had been looking for Sailor Moon for hundreds of years and in her enthusiasm and hurry to find her had made hundreds of similar mistakes. But we were different from her past girls...
Shot of Minako presenting the pens and brooch back to the other girls.
LISA (VO) : We had the real Sailor Venus with us. And Minako had so much confidence in us that she stole back the pens and brooch from Luna. We set off in secret for the Dark Kingdom’s base, without Luna’s permission...
Shot of them all marching across the snowfields.
LISA (VO) : It was a hard battle.
Shots of Allison, Jessica, Laura and Minako’s dead bodies.
Show shots of Princess Leitha facing down Beryl.
LISA (VO) : But I got to the end, thanks to my friends. I changed the Moon Wand into a Saxophone, surreally. And eventually we beat her... even though we died in the process.
Shots of the big battle. Princess Leitha blows a final note on the Moon-Saxophone and the Ginzoushou is activated. Beryl is adsorbed by Leitha’s final attack and is destroyed. Leitha turns back into Lisa and falls down dead. Scene fades to black.
LISA (VO) : Fortunately, we had the ultimate plot device, the Ginzoushou, on our side. We were all revived the next day, with our memories intact. It was a little anticlimactic, even for me, but I’m not complaining. We forgave Luna and she forgave us for stealing back the pens... we knew she’d only taken them back to try and prevent us getting hurt. After that, Luna left... to go find the real Moon Princess.
CUT TO :
SPRINGFIELD PARK
LISA sits on a park bench, facing the viewer.
LISA (addressing viewer) : So what have we been doing since then? Well... lets see... quite a while has passed since then, over a year. I’m in third grade now, I had a birthday... (smile) so I’m nine years old now...
The camera jerks and seems to fall over backwards, so that it’s staring up at the sky. Lisa yelps in surprise.
LISA (OS) : Hey, are you okay? (runs into shot) It almost looked like you had a heart attack there!
Lisa helps the “camera” up.
LISA : You’re sure you’re okay? Alright... I don’t know what’s supposed to be so shocking about me being nine... (camera shakes, but is okay) anyway... (sits down, smoothes out her dress) As well, Allison is now eight, Jessica is eleven, and Laura and Minako are fifteen.
CUT TO :
ANDROIDS DUNGEON COMIC SHOP
MINAKO walks around the shop, putting comics onto racks and tidying up displays. She seems busy and harassed. She wears a t-shirt, shortish-skirt and a strange hat with cat ears and bells on it.
LISA (OS, cont) : Minako’s been working really hard. Since Artemis ran out of money, she was now stranded in America with no way home. She couldn’t get deported, as that would entail explaining exactly why she was in America in the first place, and we thought “a talking cat told me to be a sailor suited soldier for justice” would be sure to raise some eyebrows. So she kept out of the benefit system, lied about her age and got a part-time job at one of the many Springfield shops willing to hire without a work permit. Fortunately, she was able to get very good pay at the Android’s Dungeon.
CUT TO :
BACK ROOM
The COMIC BOOK GUY stands in front of a flip chart.
GUY : I don’t normally pay my peons well, but Minako is an exception. (flips over first page of flipchart.)
GUY : As you can see, (points to spot) the point where I started employing Minako coincides with a almost 500% rise in sales. It seems my usual clientele of prepubescent boys, teenagers and lonely twentysomethings appreciate being served by a pretty teenage girl, as opposed to being served by myself. I don’t understand it personally. It’s not like she has the intimate encyclopaedic knowledge of Hawkman’s backstory needed to be a truly great comic book salesman. Though I must admit, she has quintupled the number of female customers we have with her keen eye for good shoujo manga. We now have five female customers.
CUT TO :
FRONT ROOM
Minako is behind the counter, which is U-shaped. She is putting rare items into the glass cases behind the counter. Four heads pop up on the other side of the counter - BART, MILHOUSE, MARTIN and LEWIS. They peer over the counter, watching her. Minako thinks she sees something reflected in the glass case and turns to look, but as she turns the four heads disappear behind the counter. Slightly disturbed, she leans over the counter and looks down - as she does so, the four heads reappear at the far end of the counter. Her skirt rides up a little as she leans over the counter...
CUT TO :
CLOSEUP OF MINAKO’S FACE
She looks puzzled, until four loud THUMPS are heard. She looks up in alarm.
MINAKO : What?
CUT TO :
SIDE VIEW OF COUNTER END
Bart, Milhouse, Martin and Lewis are on the floor, having apparently nearly fainted. Minako leans over the counter.
MINAKO (annoyed) : Are you going to buy anything or are you just looking?
MARTIN (romantic) : For you, my dear, anything...
LISA (VO) : The shop couldn’t afford to let Minako go, of course. Which isn’t to say she had a lot of money. Artemis had had nothing to do with his time since the Dark Kingdom was destroyed, so he'd got into some... bad habits.
CUT TO :
MINAKO’S APARTMENT
ARTEMIS sits looking at a Nintendo Wii U.
ARTEMIS (contempt) : You are not l33t. I shall make you l33t.
Artemis grabs a screwdriver with his mouth.
CUT TO :
SHOT OF ARTEMIS’ BITS BOX
The bits box is split into two sections, labelled “SALVAGED FROM AN XBONE” and “SPARES FOR MERCURY COMPUTER.” Artemis isn’t looking at what he’s doing - he tries to get something from the X-Box section, but accidentally takes something from the Mercury section.
CUT TO :
THE APARTMENT
Caption - “One hour later”
Artemis puts the case back on the Wii U. There is a strange glow about it...
ARTEMIS : All done. Now lets plug her in and see how she runs... Smash Bros here we come...
He connects the console up to a TV and switches it on. All goes fine for a few seconds, until SUPER MARIO and SAMUS ARAN step out of the TV.
SAMUS (filtered) : You fool...
MARIO (incomprehensible Italian accent) : You just voided your warranty, idiot! Get ‘im Samus!
CUT TO :
OUSTIDE APARTMENT WINDOW
There is an explosion in the flat. After a moment a slightly scorched and shell-shocked Artemis appears at the window.
ARTEMIS : Maybe works a little too well... f33r my l33t 5k!115...
Pan down from the window to show the front of the Androids Dungeon comic book shop. The cardboard-cut-out android is still in the window, but his speech bubble now reads...
“Yes! We do have * Comics! * Trading Cards! * Action Figures! * Games! * Fanservice! *”
There is a little picture of Minako’s face beside “Fanservice.”
JUP-LAURA walks on screen from the left. A YOUMA walks onscreen from the right. Jup-Laura walks over to the youma, punches it twice, kicks, punches it in the stomach and finishes with a backhand to it’s face.
Another YOUMA walks onscreen. Jup-Laura walks over to the youma, punches it twice, kicks, punches it in the stomach and finishes with a backhand to it’s face.
Another YOUMA walks onscreen. Jup-Laura walks over to the youma, punches it twice, kicks, punches it in the stomach and finishes with a backhand to it’s face.
The picture pixelises a little...
MIX TO :
ARCADE GAME SCREEN, KWIK-E-MART
Pull back from the screen. LAURA is playing the coin-op game. She seems a little aggravated, she’s hammering the buttons and waving the joystick madly.
LAURA : Come on, come on...
CUT TO :
THE GAME SCREEN
The game Jup-Laura is now fighting Garaben. Garaben slashes down on Jup-Laura with her axe, and the game’s Jup-Laura falls down. The sign “GAME OVER - INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE” and a countdown timer appear.
LAURA (OS) : Aw, nuts!
CUT TO :
LAURA PLAYING THE GAME.
Laura looks around guiltily, and leans toward the screen of the game.
LAURA (whisper) : The rabbit on the moon made some mochi...
GAME : Free play awarded.
Laura smiles to herself and continues playing.
LISA (VO) : After she came back from Cephiro, Laura sent a lot of time moping for some reason. She never told us why. We eventually got her out of her funk by suggesting that she start studying martial arts for real - she’d previously been going off stuff she remembered her father teaching her.
BLUR TO :
OPPONENT’S POINT OF VIEW, DOJO
Laura wears a white gi, and attacks her opponent quickly. She moves quickly and gracefully, and seems to have a smile on her face.
LAURA (as she attacks) : Ha! Atta! Hah! Uryaah! Ah!
LISA (VO) : Something about that helped her focus.
CUT TO :
LAURA’S POINT OF VIEW, DOJO
Turns out the opponent is JIMBO JONES, Laura’s ex-boyfriend, who’s wearing a black gi. He madly blocks Laura’s blows, and appears to be on the verge of tears.
JIMBO : Aaagh, why do I always have to spar with you? (sob) Someone help meee! Agh! Sensei! Help!
Laura’s foot slams into Jimbo’s face, and he falls over backwards.
BLUR TO :
THE KWIK-E-MART
Laura is still hammering away at the game. The doors to the Kwik-E-Mart open and SNAKE enters. He waves a gun and turns to talk to APU who is behind the counter.
SNAKE (casual) : Yo ‘pu. This is a robbery.
APU (polite) : Hello, you are somewhat late this week Mr Snake. Are you behind schedule?
SNAKE : Yeah, would have come yesterday but I got caught knocking over the Wal Mart. Y’know how it is with these prison sentences nowadays. A guy doesn’t have the time to get comfortable nowadays before they chuck ya out.
APU : I see, yes it is a shame. Now, I know it won’t change anything, but I am contractually obliged to ask you not to rob my shop please.
SNAKE : Not a chance. (cocks gun)
APU (resigned) : Well, I tried. Do you want cash or will you take a cheque?
SNAKE : Cheque. It ain’t gonna bounce like last time is it? Cause you still owe me for that dude.
APU (lying through teeth) : Noooo, of course it won’t bounce.
CUT TO :
BEHIND LAURA’S BACK
Laura plays with her transformation pen behind her back, and looks around.
LAURA (thinking) : I really should stop this... but there are too many people about for me to transform here...
Apu writes the cheque for Snake, and is about to hand it over when...
VOICE (female, OS) : Stop right there!
A figure is silhouetted in the glass on the front doors. They open to reveal SAILOR MARS-JESSICA stood behind them, posing.
MARS-JESSICA : The convenience store stick-up is a great American tradition! (points at Snake) You subvert that tradition, and for that I can’t forgive you!
SNAKE : Huh?
MARS-JESSICA : In the name of Mars, I’ll chastise you!
SNAKE : What? (gasp) No, not little Snake!
MARS-JESSICA (frown) : (pause) No, I said CHASTISE, you idiot! FIRE SOUL!
Instead of using her usual Fire Soul animation, Mars-Jessica just lights a flame on the tip of her finger and flicks it at the cheque. The cheque bursts into flames. Apu and Snake look at the ashes.
APU (acting stupid) : Oh dear. The cheque has been destroyed. I guess you can’t steal it any more.
SNAKE (actually stupid) : Damn, foiled again!
MARS-JESSICA : Well, my work here is done. Bye!
She runs off.
CUT TO :
SPRINGFIELD STREETS AND ROOFTOPS
Mars-Jessica runs from the Kwik-E-Mart and quickly jumps up to rooftop level via a canopy and a street lamp. She runs over a few rooftops and drops down into a deserted alleyway.
CUT TO :
ALLEYWAY
Mars-Jessica looks around.
MARS-JESSICA : Looks safe enough for transforming back...
JUP-LAURA (OS) : Was that your good deed for the month, Mars?
Mars-Jessica looks around, and sees Jup-Laura standing behind her
MARS-JESSICA (startled) : Aagh! (calmer) Oh, it’s you Sailor Jupiter. Yeah, yeah it was my rare good deed. You guys can’t accuse me of not trying to be nice now.
JUP-LAURA : Yeah, I’d be impressed if you hadn’t been skipping school to do it...
MARS-JESSICA : Hey, I’m not skipping school! It’s lunch break just now!
JUP-LAURA : Yeah, but I know your lunch break ends at 1.
MARS-JESSICA : So?
Mars-Jessica pulls a watch out of watch-space. (like hammer-space but for wristwatches) It reads 12:56. She gapes at it.
MARS-JESSICA : Agh! Gotta go! Bye!
Mars-Jessica runs off, panicking.
CUT TO :
CLOSEUP OF MARS-JESSICA
She runs across the rooftops.
LISA (VO) : Jessica has had some major changes in her schooling recently... it all started when she pushed her father, Reverend Lovejoy, a bit too far one day...
BLUR TO :
FLASHBACK, SPRINGFIELD RIVER
REVEREND LOVEJOY stands with his back to the riverbank. A throng of SPRINGFIELD’S MOST SINFUL stand in front of him. This includes MOE, COMIC BOOK GUY and BARNEY.
LOVEJOY : Now, those of you who wish to become spiritually clean in the eyes of the Lord may enter the river and have your sins washed away in this mass baptism...
MOE : Yes! Oh yes! Spiritual salvation! I can put that whole Pulver business behind me... the FBI can’t pin anything on Moe Syslak! He heh heh!
The throng starts heading for the riverbank, but Barney points to something.
BARNEY : Hey, what’s that?
Pan over to a grey fin moving about on the water.
COMIC BOOK GUY : It’s some kind of man eating aquatic mutant!
A humanoid BLINKY THE THREE EYED FISH walks up to the CBG. He wears a suit.
BLINKY (English accent) : Excuse me, but we are not all man-eaters.
GUY : Sorry, Mr Mutant.
BLINKY (thoughtful pause) : In any case, from appearance it would appear that that fin belongs to a “Carcharodon carcharias,” or Great White Shark. Nasty little bugger that.
The entire throng gasps.
MOE : A shark?
BARNEY : Lets get outta here!
The entire throng screams as one, and runs off. The annoyed Rev Lovejoy glares at the shark fin, which has stopped moving.
LOVEJOY : That can’t be right. Sharks rarely come down this river...
The sound of laughing is heard faintly. The Rev hears it and suspiciously looks toward some bushes.
CUT TO :
THE BUSHES
The laughing is louder here. Lovejoy pulls the bushes apart to reveal that Jessica is laughing her head off. She also holds a remote control for the fin. Jessica eventually notices him, and stops laughing, before smiling innocently and hiding the remote behind her back.
JESSICA : oh, uh... (innocent) hi Dad!
Lovejoy just grabs her collar and pulls her out of the bushes.
JESSICA : urk!
CUT TO :
STREET
Show the intersection at a street. Mars-Jessica jumps down into the road and immediately jumps again, passing over some black iron railings and into the bushes beyond them.
LISA (VO) : Reverend Lovejoy had had enough. He thought up the worst punishment his Protestant mind could muster...
Jessica runs out of the bushes. She has detransformed, and now wears a white blouse with blue and black plaid skirt, white socks and black shoes. Camera pans over to the left as she runs over the playground to her school’s entrance. A sign is on the railings...
“Sister Mary Celine Convent School for Wallflowers and Adolescent Tramps.”
LISA (VO) : Sending her to a Catholic boarding school.
CUT TO :
4th, 5th AND 6th GRADE CLASSROOM
A classroom in the convent school. SISTER CELESTE stands in front of the class, which includes SAMANTHA STANKY, (Milhouse’s girlfriend from “Bart’s Friend Falls In Love”) MARA MORRIGAN (fanfic-only character who obsesses insanely over Bart) and RIDI and TIDI. (basically female versions of Rodd and Todd.)
SISTER CELESTE (Canadian accent) : Okay class, today we’ll be... (pauses, notices an empty seat) Oh great. Where is Miss Lovejoy?
The class look at each other, murmuring “I don’t know.” The sound of running feet is head from outside the classroom, and the door flies open as Jessica runs in.
JESSICA : I’m here! I’m here!
SISTER CELESTE (annoyed) : That’s nice Jessica. But it is five past one. (Jessica’s face falls) Go stand in the hall.
CUT TO :
HALLWAY
Jessica next to the classroom door, holding a bucket of water in each hand.
JESSICA (shout) : You know, this probably ranks as a cruel and unusual punishment!
SISTER CELESTE (OS from classroom) : Quiet you.
LISA (VO) : So Jessica wasn’t having a great time at school. There was someone who was doing well in school though...
MIX TO :
SIMILAR HALLWAY IN SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
The corridor is empty, and a sign on the closed door reads “4th Grade.” ALLISON walks up to the door and knocks on it, then enters.
CUT TO :
4TH GRADE CLASSROOM
MRS KRABAPPEL is teaching her current 4th grade class. (not Bart’s remember, he’s in 5th grade now) Allison nervously enters the classroom.
KRABAPPEL : Ah, there you are. (to class) Class, this is Allison Taylor, she’s been moved up from third grade.
ALLISON : Uh, hi...
KRABAPPEL : Now, I don’t want anyone bullying her because she’s a year younger than yourselves...
ALLISON : Um... two years. I’m 8.
KRABAPPEL : What?
ALLISON : This is the second time I’ve moved up a grade.
There is a hushed silence. The class all glare at Allison, and some murmur to each other. “Moved up twice? Must be some kind of uber-nerd.”
KRABAPPEL (to self) : What are the school board thinking? This is a counselling case waiting to happen. Oh well... (to Allison) Well, go take your seat.
Allison heads over to the only available seat, which is directly behind TODD FLANDERS. Mrs Krabappel starts teaching something on the chalkboard. Allison tries to pay attention but she can’t see because Tood is much taller than her and his huge afro blocks her view. She squirms about in her seat trying to see past him.
CUT TO :
GYMNASIUM
Gym class is just starting. Allison stands by herself, looking nervous. 2 BOYS and 2 GIRLS approach her. They appear to be quite a bit taller than her.
BOY1 : So what are you doing our class, anyway? You some kind of super-geek?
ALLISON (nervous) : I, ah...
CUT TO :
ALLISON’S POINT OF VIEW
She looks up at the boy. He seems to tower over her...
BOY2 : Course she is. Doesn’t want to suffer her way through third grade like we had to.
GIRL1 (annoyed) : That’s not very fair. If we had to do it, I don’t see why you couldn’t! What makes you so special, huh?
ALLISON : Ah, um, well...
GIRL2 (pity) : Oh, don’t be mean to her. She’s just a kid, she can’t defend herself.
CUT TO :
GYMNASIUM
The boys and girls walk away from Allison, who is looking depressed.
TEACHER (woman, OS) : Okay class, today we’re playing dodgeball...
Almost immediately, a dozen dodgeballs hit an unsuspecting Allison, and she falls over onto her back.
CUT TO :
3RD GRADE CLASSROOM
Lisa sits down at her desk, and is surprised to see Allison sitting at the desk beside her.
LISA : Allison? But... shouldn’t you be in fourth grade?
ALLISON : Nah... I gave it a shot but I don’t think I’ll fit in.... I guess there’s such a thing as getting too ahead of yourself... and I like this class better.
LISA : What? Hm... oh, that’s a shame...
ALLISON : No, don’t worry about it (darkly) I got back at them, he he he...
BLUR TO :
GYMNASIUM
The fourth grade run about, playing basketball. Camera looks up to a window high up in the gym. It’s open and Merc-Allison sits in it.
MERC-ALLISON : BUBBLE SPRAY!
A thick wet fog descends over the gym. The fourth graders stumble about.
BOY1 : Hey, I can’t see anything!
GIRL1 : Agh, I’m all wet!
BOY2 : So... cold...
There is a thump as two people fall over.
GIRL2 : Agh! Get off me you weirdo!
BOY3 : I’ve bumped into something... oooh, soft...
PE TEACHER : AAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
BOY3 : AAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
Up at the window, Merc-Allison laughs to herself.
BLUR TO :
CLASSROOM
Allison is still laughing to herself. Lisa looks at her accusingly.
LISA (stern) : Allison.
ALLISON (guilty) : What? Is Jessica the only one allowed to wreak some occasional havoc?
LISA : Jessica’s not allowed to wreak havoc! She just does it anyway.
ALLSION : Well... it’s not like I’m making a habit out of it.
Lisa just frowns, and looks down at her work.
LISA (VO) : And me? I just got back to being an average schoolgirl. Tried to avoid turning into Sailor Moon. Avoided getting into fights and magical battles. Thankfully there weren’t many around, though when your father and brother are cursed martial artists (overlay of PANDA-HOMER and BART-CHAN) and your mother has recently been promoted to Goddess Third Class Limited (overlay of MARGE) the occasional fight does break out. But things have almost been back to normal. I hope they stay like this.
Lisa looks out the window.
LISA (VO) : It’s the last week of school. Summer is approaching...
The school PA system turns on, and everyone looks up as SKINNER speaks.
SKINNER (filtered) : Good morning students. This is just a reminder that at lunchtime we will have the final of the school’s mini-World Cup out on the field from 12:30. That is all.
Allison turns to Lisa.
ALLISON : Going to go see that, Lisa?
LISA : Bart’s playing, so I’d better.
ALLISON : I’ll come with you then.
AD BREAK BUMPER - A Super Deformed (SD) Mars-Jessica jumps on from the right of the screen. A SD Merc-Allison jumps on from the left of the screen. SD Jup-Laura drops down from the top. SD Venus-Minako hops on from the left. And SD Moon-Lisa jumps on from the foreground, landing in the middle of the 5 girls. They all pose and the Simpson Moon R logo appears over their heads.
EXT : PLAYING FIELD, SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Rows of temporary bleachers have been set up around the field. Two 5-a-side teams are on the pitch. Most of the bleachers are occupied.
CUT TO :
BLEACHERS
ALLISON, LISA and JANEY sit together as a group
JANEY : So this is the final? Funny, but I don’t remember there being any other matches...
LISA : Well, we’re a small school.
ALLISON : Yeah. They were only able to get 2 teams together.
They look at one of the teams as it practices. It consists of BART, NELSON, SHERRI, TERRI and MILHOUSE in goal. They all wear USA strips.
ALLISON : Team USA...
They look at the other team. It consists of PAHUSACHETA NAPASAPEEMAPETILON, (Apu’s niece, most prominently seen playing "McArthur Park" on the Tabla in “Lisa The Beauty Queen”) REX, (The actor kid from “I Love Lisa”) ADIL, (the Albanian spy from “The Crepes of Wrath”) and UTER in goals. (German foreign exchange student) Each kid wears the strip of their respective country. (India, England, Albania, Germany)
ALLISON : And Team (sigh) Miscellaneous.
JANEY : Miscellaneous?
LISA : Well, that’s a new low.
CUT TO :
SIDELINES
A boy who is the fifth Team Misc. player talks to GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE
BOY : But coach, I’m an American Indian! Why do I have to be on Team Misc?
WILLIE : Ach, I don’t know! Don’t ask me, ask t’ wee nancy boy Skinner. Just pit on this Scotland shirt, and git oot there and play, and be glad ye got to t’ finals at all! (sob) Some of us ne’er get a chance to git in t’ World Cup ye know. (sniff) ‘Scuse me, I got somethin’ in ma eye! (runs off)
CUT TO :
CENTER FIELD
Bart and Pahusacheta stand at the circle spot. MARTIN walks up to them, wearing a referee’s uniform.
MARTIN : Time to decide who kicks off. (To Pahusacheta) Ladies first. Heads or tails, Pah...Pahus... Pahusac... Miss?
PAHUSACHETA (glare) : Heads.
Martin flips the coin.
MARTIN : Sorry, it’s tails. (nod to Bart) Team US kicks off.
Martin and Pahusacheta step away from the centre spot. Bart kicks off, and passes to Nelson, who takes the ball upfield.
CUT TO :
COMMENTARY TABLE.
SKINNER, MRS KRABAPPEL and MS HOOVER sit at the table. Skinner talks into a microphone.
SKINNER (over-dramatic) : And Nelson Muntz has the ball... oh, he passes to Bart, Rex tries to tackle but he misses, oh, and Adil has pulled out a camera and pushed the flash in Bart’s face! Bart is dazed, and Adil passes to Rex...
KRABAPPEL (unimpressed) : Eh, you’re a natural at this Seymour...
SKINNER (to Krabappel) : Why thank you Edna! I was practising all last night on my ham radio.
He turns back to commenting. Ms Hoover leans over to Mrs Krabappel.
HOOVER : Does he know his microphone isn’t on?
KRABAPPEL : I disconnected it. He’ll thank me later.
CUT TO :
INSIDE SCHOOL
The corridors are deserted. A woman’s silhouette walks confidently around them, keeping to the shadows...
CUT TO :
BACK TO THE MATCH
Rex has the ball, and is near USA’s goal. Sherri and Terri are harassing him though. He sees that Pahusacheta is in the open, and crosses the ball over to her. Pahusacheta kicks it as soon as she gets it
In goal, Milhouse looks nervous.
MILHOUSE : Okay Millie, nothing to worry about...
The ball is heading for the upper right corner of the goal. Milhouse jumps to catch it, but the ball swerves left and goes in the top left. Martin blows his whistle.
All the Team Misc. players bunch together and celebrate.
CUT TO :
BLEACHERS
APU and SANJAY sit high up in the bleachers. Apu wears a “Misc. #1” foam finger.
APU : Yes! (shout) Good shot Pahusacheta!
SANJAY (shout) : That’s my daughter!
APU : Who would have thought little Pahusacheta would be able to bend a ball like Beckham?
SANJAY : Yes... oh. (depresses) I guess she won’t be cooking Aloo Gobi for me in my old age then...
APU : Ah, do not worry about it brother, I have daughters to spare. One of them can cook for you!
CUT TO :
GYMNASIUM
The woman’s silhouette comes out of a door.
Shot of the supply cupboard. There are cages and packs full of footballs, soccer balls, tennis balls and more... signs on the cages read “Property of Springfield High,” “Property of Shelbyville Elementary,” “Property of Ned Flanders” and more.
The silhouette raises a hand. The cages start to shake.
CUT TO :
BLEACHERS
Lisa, Allison and Janey are still watching the match. Lisa and Allison suddenly get a pained expression, and have to rest their foreheads in their hands. Janey looks at them, concerned.
JANEY : Hey, are you two okay?
LISA : Just got... a headache for a moment.
ALLISON : Felt a little sick... it’s gone now though.
JANEY : Hm. That’s weird.
LISA (worried) : Yeah, it is...
CUT TO :
GYMNASIUM SUPPLY CUPBOARD
The cages keep shaking. The balls inside them are vibrating rapidly.
CUT TO :
BACK TO THE MATCH
Martin has blown for a penalty kick. Bart is about to take it.
Bart grabs the soccer ball, and puts it down on the penalty spot, but as he does so he notices that many of the stitches on the ball are coming undone.
BART : Hey Martin! This ball’s falling to bits.
Martin walks over to have a look. The rip is getting bigger by itself.
MARTIN : Well... that’s quite unusual.
Bart and Martin watch as the rip gets bigger until it covers half the ball. (all the way from left to right.) Then the ball’s covering opens a little, and a red tongue lolls out of the rip...
Bart and Martin scream and cling to each other. Bart drops the ball to the ground. It rolls about a foot.
BART : Agh! What the hell?
CUT TO :
BLEACHERS
Lisa watches the scene with some alarm. She leans toward Allison.
LISA (whisper) : Do you have a bad feeling about this?
ALLISON (whisper) : A very bad feeling...
LISA (whisper) : Maybe we should go somewhere secluded...
ALLISON (whisper) : Yeah...
They sneak off, and head under the bleachers. Janey notices them leaving.
JANEY (following) : Hey, where are you going?
CUT TO :
THE GAME
Bart edges toward the ball, and rolls it over so the “mouth” is visible. The ball now has a pair of eyes too.
BART (makes a face) : Eugh...
The ball glares at Bart, and starts bouncing toward him. Before he can react it has bit onto his shoe. Bart isn’t hurt but he’s severely freaked out, and he waves his foot rapidly trying to shake it off.
BART : Aaagh! Get off get off get off get off...
CUT TO :
GYMNASIUM SUPPLY CUPBOARD
The cages keep shaking. They’re starting to fall to bits now...
CUT TO :
THE GAME
Bart shakes the weird soccer ball off his foot. It is kicked away a few feet and rolls to a stop. The ball rolls until its right way up, then grows a small pair of bat wings and a row of very long and sharp teeth. It flaps into the air and hovers there, glaring at Bart. Bart gapes at it, and backs away...
BART : Aye carumba!
CUT TO :
GYMNASIUM SUPPLY CUPBOARD
The cages and packages of balls rattle once more and then collapse. Balls fly everywhere...
CUT TO :
OUTSIDE GYMNASIUM
All the gym windows break as balls fly out through them.
CUT TO :
THE BALLS
Hundreds of balls fly through the air. There are the soccer balls like the one menacing Bart. There are big, heavy (American) footballs with seemingly painted-on faces and large eagle wings. There are tennis balls and baseballs similar to the soccer balls, except the tennis balls have yellow-feathered wings with black markings.
The balls swoop down and start randomly attacking the bystanders. Baseballs and tennis balls buzz the kids and get in their hair, making many people shout about “Bats!” Soccer balls fly at people at high speeds, slamming into them and knocking them down. Oddest of all are the footballs...
CUT TO :
A FOOTBALL
A football flies along leisurely, not attacking anyone. A zip on its underside opens, and a dozen white packages fall out onto the ground.
Milhouse wanders over and pick up a package. It unfolds itself to reveal it’s...
MILHOUSE : Huh? A shuttlecock?
The shuttlecock’s tail rips into 2 parts, which it flaps as wings. Milhouse is startled and drops it, but it hovers in the air. A sharp needle pokes out from the head of the shuttlecock. It’s essentially a mosquito.
All the other shuttlecocks do the same, and start jabbing Milhouse. He runs, screaming.
CUT TO :
BART
Bart runs from the soccer ball flying after him. He gets annoyed though, and turns to face it.
BART : Okay, that’s it. This’ll be the last time you chase a user of Simpson-style Anything Goes Martial Arts! Hiii... yaa!
He winds up and punches the soccer ball right between the eyes as it catches him. It goes flying back, hits a goalpost, and ricochets off it to fly right back at Bart.
BART : Aw, nuts...
The ball slams into him uncontrollably, knocking Bart out.
CUT TO :
UNDER BLEACHERS
Lisa, Janey and Allison watch the chaos from under the bleachers. People are trying to defend themselves (Sherri and Rex are swatting tennis balls with tennis rackets) but not really successfully.
LISA : This is insane! We have to do something about this...
ALLISON : Yeah!
JANEY : But what? There’s nothing we can do! Lets just keep quiet and maybe they’ll go away.
Lisa and Allison put their heads together.
LISA (whisper) : We can’t transform with her here...
ALLISON (whisper) : Leave that to me...
Allison sneaks off. Closeup of Janey and Lisa’s faces. After a moment, a hand holding a damp rag reaches into shot and places the rag over Janey's mouth. Janey’s eyes quickly close, and she falls unconscious. Lisa looks on in surprise as Allison catches Janey and lays her on the ground.
LISA : Hey... what’d you do?
Allison holds up a small bottle.
ALLISON : Ether.
LISA (smile) : Ah... good idea. (they high five) Okay, lets transform!
Allison holds up her pen.
ALLISON : MERCURY POWER, MAKE UP!
She is covered in a thick layer of water for several seconds. When it subsides, she's dressed as Sailor Mercury.
Lisa raises her brooch,
LISA : MOON PRISM POWER, MAKE UP! (a pause, then with a SWISH her dress morphs into a leotard. She jerks into an odd pose in shock) AGH! (SWISH and jerk as her shoes become knee-high boots) Waugh! (SWISH and jerk as elbow-length gloves appear) Eek! (SWISH and jerk as tiara and earrings appear) Woah! (SWISH and salute-pose as the skirt and bows appear. Lisa holds the pose - she's Sailor Moon!
CUT TO :
THE FIELD
People are still running from the swarms of possessed balls. The SHADOWY FIGURE watches.
Extreme close up of the figure's face. We can only make out half her face, as a large lock of blonde hair covers the other half.
PERSON : Come out now, "Sailor Moon..." your friends are being attacked...
CUT TO :
SHERRI AND REX
Sherri and Rex are surrounded by footballs and tennis balls.
MOON-LISA (OS) : MOON TIARA ACTION!
The moon tiara flies past the kids, destroying many of the balls.
CUT TO :
MILHOUSE AND PAHUSACHETA
They're surrounded by soccer balls and baseballs.
MERC-ALLISON (OS) : BUBBLE SPRAY!
A wave of bubbles stream past, washing away most of the balls.
CUT TO :
CLOSEUP OF THE SHADOWY WOMAN
She smiles.
WOMAN : Finally... it's about time.
MOON-LISA (OS) : Stop right there!
CUT TO :
CLOSEUP OF MOON-LISA
She stands shoulder-to-shoulder with Merc-Allison, but the camera's emphasis is on Moon-Lisa. Her arms are folded in front of her.
MOON-LISA : I may not like them much, but team sports are how many kids find confidence in themselves and make friends, even though some of them get huge egos from it.
Camera quickly rotates around the soldiers so it has emphasis on Merc-Allison. She has a similar pose to Moon-Lisa.
MERC-ALLISON : You twisted the equipment of sports to your evil designs and attacked our friends! For that, we can't forgive you!
Camera moves to show both Sailor Soldiers.
MOON-LISA : (poses) I am the pretty soldier (pose) of love and justice (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose)
MERC-ALLISON : (poses) And I am (pose) Sailor Mercury! (pose)
MOON-LISA : In the name of the moon,
MERC-ALLISON : and Mercury,
MOON-LISA : and the Federation Internationale de Football Association,
BOTH : (pose) we’ll punish you! (pose, pose)
CUT TO :
MYSTERY WOMAN
The woman is only seen in silhouette against the bright sun.
WOMAN : It's about time. I wasn't going to wait much later.
The woman holds out a palm, show closeup of it. Her skin is unusually pale. A black sleeve is worn that covers her palm up to her middle finger A crystal ring materialises on the middle finger - the head of the ring is underneath the finger. There is a white crescent moon design on the ring.
WOMAN : You're mine...
CUT TO :
MOON-LISA AND MERC-ALLISON
The soldiers look around as the balls advance on them. Before they know it, they're encircled.
MERC-ALLISON (startled) : Agh! SHABON SPRAY!
MOON-LISA : MOON TIARA ACTION!
The tiara and bubbles once again destroy many balls, but more appear and take their place instantly.
A soccer ball aims itself at Moon-Lisa and charges. It hits her in the chest and knocks her down.
The mosquito-shuttlecocks harass Merc-Allison. She tries to swat them with her hands, but misses them. A Baseball charges into her stomach and she falls backward beside Moon-Lisa.
CUT TO :
BEHIND MOON-LISA AND MERC-ALLISON
The two soldiers look up at the woman, still silhouetted against the sky. She holds out her palm at them, and the ring on it starts to glow...
Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison cower as the balls hover over them.
MERC-ALLISON : We... we're in trouble...
Moon-Lisa gulps. The balls advance on them, and the two soldiers cling onto each other and close their eyes...
There is a burst of flame.
VOICE (Female, OS) : BURNING MANDALA!
There is a splash of water.
2ND VOICE (female, OS) : SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!
There is a crackle of electricity.
3RD VOICE (female, OS) : SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!
Multiple fireballs toast one group of balls to Moon-Lisa's right. A wave of water splashes over another group of balls to Merc-Allison's left. Finally a large ball of lightning crashes down on the woman's hand - the crystal ring shatters, and the shadowed woman grabs her hand
WOMAN : Agh! You... who are you?
CUT TO :
CLOSEUP OF MERC-ALLISON
She opens her eyes, surprised that she hasn't been attacked yet. She looks up... and sees a teenage girl (GIRL1) with very long hair silhouetted against the sun. No other details can be made out because of the glare.
CUT TO :
CLOSEUP OF MOON-LISA
She opens her eyes like Allison and looks up. Moon-Lisa sees a teenage girl (GIRL2) with short hair silhouetted against the sun.
Moon-Lisa gasps, and looks over her shoulder. There is another girl (GIRL3) this time with her hair tied up in a ponytail.
GIRL3 : <Leave them alone!>
Whip pan over to GIRL2.
GIRL 2 : <We can't let you attack small children!>
Whip pan over to GIRL1.
GIRL1 : <In the name of Mars, I'll punish you!>
MOON-LISA (surprised, to self) : In the name of Mars? But... that's not Jessica! Unless she just hit a heck of a growth spurt...
WOMAN : So... you girls are here... well, I'm no fool. I'll get them later, when the odds are better! Sayonara... "Sailor Moon!"
The person jumps, and moves with blinding speed across the field. She's gone before anyone realises she's gone.
Moon-Lisa looks around, bewildered. She gets up to her knees, and looks at Girl2. All 3 girls remain where they are, standing in a circle around the two Soldiers.
MOON-LISA : What... what was...
GIRL2 : A new enemy.
MERC-ALLISON : A new enemy?
GIRL2 : Yes. Listen... this is important.
MOON-LISA : What?
GIRL2 : Do not become Sailor Moon or Sailor Mercury again. Tell your friends the same.
Moon-Lisa and Merc-Allison gasp.
GIRL2 : For your own safety, leave the new enemies to us.
MOON-LISA : WHAT?
MERC-ALLISON : You can't tell us to do that! What if they're killing people and you're not around?
MOON-LISA : Who do you think you are?
GIRL2 : We are...
GIRL1 (interrupting) : <Don't tell them, Sailor Mercury.>
MOON-LISA (startled) : Did she just say...
MERC-ALLISON (shocked) : Sailor Mercury? But...
GIRL2 (annoyed) : <Good one, Sailor Mars...> (to the Soldiers) It would be improper to leave without introducing ourselves though. We are the Sailor Senshi. (bow) Please do not impede our mission. Do not change into Sailor Moon. It will only make the enemy's task easier.
GIRL1 : <You have been warned.>
Girl 1 jumps away.
Girl 2 jumps away.
Girl 3 jumps away.
MOON-LISA (standing, frustrated) : Hey! Come back! What do you mean by all that?
MERC-ALLISON (confused) : Yeah! How can you be Sailor Mercury? I'm Sailor Mercury...
Allison's voice echoes as the screen FADES TO WHITE.
EXT : VIEW FROM TREE INTO HOSPITAL WINDOW
Leaves and branches blow slowly in the foreground. The room beyond the window contains a hospital bed, and WENDY lies in it. A doctor walks around her. Another doctor approaches the bed.
DOCTOR2 : So what's her problem?
DOCTOR1 : Exhaustion, a minor fracture in her left leg, lots of bruising and cuts but they're stitched up now. She's breathing by herself and on an IV, but she won't regain consciousness.
DOCTOR2 : Coma huh? Great, this'll tie up a bed for months. Medical Insurance check out?
CUT TO :
LUNA IN THE TREE
LUNA lies on a branch, listening to the doctors talk
DOCTOR1 : Yeah, all paid up.
DOCTOR2 : Good, I didn't enjoy throwing that McCormick kid out the window.
LUNA (depressed, to self) : Not good... not good...
She stands, and walks along the tree branches until she gets to a wall. She jumps onto the wall and off the other side.
CUT TO :
STREET OUTSIDE HOSPITAL
A red car is parked next to a wall. Luna drops off the wall, and waits outside the car door until it's opened. She gets in.
CUT TO :
INSIDE CAR
MAMORU CHIBA sits in the driver's seat. Luna sits on the passenger's seat.
MAMORU : <So how is she?>
LUNA : <Not good. Physically she's fine but she's in a coma...>
MAMORU : <Hm... sorry.>
LUNA : <This is bad. Very Bad. We'd better get moving... we may not have much time.>
FADE OUT
CLOSING CREDITS - "Otome No Policy" (Maiden's Policy)
TEASER
LISA : So what was that about? Who were those strange new soldiers, and why the heck were they so bossy? They can't tell me what to do! The Sailor Soldiers attempt to track down the new arrivals and that mysterious new enemy, next episode! "Zealot Attacks! Yet Another Riot In Springfield!"